DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #200, 26.09.08
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to email@example.com +++ Have a peek at our pics -http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web -http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny, 20C max, wind E 6mph; Sun, sunny, 19C max, wind E 3mph +++
TWO HUNDRED NOT OUT
+++ It’s our double century! +++
During any other week, this publication would have made a right song-and-dance about RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT’s stylish revamp of http://www.londondynamo.co.uk, which was launched yesterday. We would have gone on to highlight TORKEL ‘REDTOP’ DOHMERS coming within one point of his 2nd cat licence after he narrowly missed winning the Alfold 3rd cat race on Sunday… http://tinyurl.com/539k3y. There would have been praise for CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN and her crew of Dynamettes winning the Women’s Team Series in the white-and-black outfits of the Surrey League following Sunday’s final round in Griffydam, Leics, where rider-manager Charlington took both primes… http://tinyurl.com/43fjn9. And there might well have been a prominent mention for RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON and GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL, who ventured to the Normandy market town of Marigny to complete the 34-mile Duo Normand two-up time trial in 1:16:52, giving them 4th place in the Regionaux 1 category… http://tinyurl.com/44jwdy. But this edition isn’t about them. It’s not about you, either. It’s about us. So come now as we wind our way through the twisting lanes of Dynamo’s illustrious past to celebrate four years, five months, two weeks and six days of Britain’s very best Dynamatic update – or, to put it more concisely, 200 issues of pure DYNAMITE! exemplified by a wholly subjective selection of issues unearthed from the vaults and attached to this edition. Here come ten of the very best…
#1 – WE’RE OFF!
On a sunny spring Sunday in 2004, when membership numbers were gradually creeping towards 50 (yes, Dynamates, 50!) and the first consignment of Dynamo kit was languishing in an eastern European warehouse, club co-founder PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN asked a certain 4th cat during a club ride to Windsor if he wouldn’t mind overseeing the production of a weekly newsletter. Having had experience in at least one questionable publication, the eager chap naturally accepted the offer and dutifully produced the first edition the following Friday, quite unaware of the phenomenon he had unleashed. Dyna-monikers had yet to make an appearance (‘MEDICAL’ MIKE DEBNEY was the first to get his, which wasn’t until #5) and TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT was only a lowly 3rd cat, but the now-familiar DYNAMITE! elements of good-natured ribbing and a light-hearted gossipy tone were already in place. The London Dynamo Newsletter was born!
#19 – THUNDERBIRDS ARE ‘MO!
The newsletter’s inbox was flooded with messages of praise soon after the first edition trundled its way out of our trusty Vic-20, but a number of the editorial team, fearing the novelty would soon wear off, decided to run the Small Print results service at the foot of each issue – so if the readership tired of whimsical wordplay, at least they would now have a useful round-up of all the week’s main Dynamo placings. Meanwhile, some of the newsletter’s more ambitious wordsmiths set themselves the difficult task of having 100 different themes for the first hundred issues – an uncompromising approach which produced this totally unique edition featuring a Thunderbirds-style countdown incorporated into one continuous piece of prose. Technically accomplished, conceptually brilliant, and, like all works of art, utterly pointless. In other words, a newsletter classic!
#51 – FISHING FOR PUNS
The business of churning out puns can be a tough one, but anyone involved in it will know that the subject of fish is one of the most prodigious verbal oceans you can possibly trawl. This bouillabaisse of an issue is the proof. Enjoy the feast!
#64 – AN UNMEMORABLE EXPERIENCE
Perusing the leather-bound volumes containing our collective output triggered happy memories of a few notable former ‘Mos, including Sunday ride stalwart ED ‘CHALET’ RAYNARD, jet-setting triathlete DOMINIC ‘I WANT IT ALL’ PAUL, and Granfondo Pinarello regular TOM ‘TUFTY’ DAVIES, whose personalities and presence helped make Dynamo the friendly, inclusive club it is today. But we stumbled across just as many obscure names, including ROBERT ‘THE VAGUE’ PRITCHARD, who gave this classic non-account of the 2005 Etape which deserves a bigger mention in the annals of London Dynamo. Having a total memory blackout after a sportive should henceforth be known as “doing a Pritchard”. What a great way to remember the guy!
#77 – OUT OF GAS
By now, the London Dynamo Newsletter had changed its name to the much snappier DYNAMITE! and was flying faster than a Richmond Park speed skater heading downhill with the squits. Britain’s top Dynamatic news update had created a cult figure in the form of KEN ‘MASCOT’ BUIST, the enigmatic New Zealander who was being closely monitored by eagle-eyed readers for the hugely popular Ken Watch feature, and the reams of brilliant results spewing out of our famous ticker tape machine provided many a gripping read. It seemed DYNAMITE! could do no wrong – and indeed it couldn’t, as this issue turned out to be a hit even though it had bugger all in it. There’s no accounting for taste!
#100 – THAT’S 99 DOWN…
At this point, even the most dedicated DYNAMITE! fan may feel that our exhaustive retrospective is taking up too much time in their usual Friday morning light-read-and-a-latte schedule – but if you happen to be a relative newcomer to the Dynamo family, or you just have a very short memory, then issue 100 really is the one that you must read. All the Dynamo history you need to know, and lots more that you didn’t, including the obscure origin of some of the more intriguing Dyna-monikers. It’s all here, Dynamates!
#111 – BACK FROM THE SMED
In terms of the sheer breadth of different activities that were going on, the summer of 2006 was a turning point for the club, which had started out chiefly as a road racing outfit and was now branching out into all kinds of other areas. Knobbly-tyre merchant STUART ‘EASY’ SPIES won at Beastway, ROBIN ‘OSSIE’ OSBORNE took his Ventoux Velo Vets to the Giant of Provence, ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY almost had the fastest time at the Dragon Ride, and big-hearted JOHN KIPPS rode from Lands End to John O’ Groats for charity. The inaugural London Dynamo Road Race had also been pulled off to great acclaim in Handcross, West Sussex, with many competitors expressing how impressed they were by DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE giving the time gaps on a whiteboard while mounted on GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY’s motorbike. And let us not forget that high-achiever RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS set a Dynamo record by rising from 4th to 1st cat in just 16 weeks and one day. Naturally, DYNAMITE! kept on punning throughout all of these incredible events, bringing you all the news that mattered and an awful lot more besides, including IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE’s technicolour yawn on the Crystal Palace circuit and Gordon’s now-infamous gatecrashing of a French wedding reception to blag a can of sugar-replenishing Coke so he could finish the Trophee De L’Epervier. In other news, a little-known former 1st cat, now in his late 30s, had arrived on the Dynamo scene, determined to get back into racing. That man was none other than TONY ‘PEETEER’ SMEDLEY – and little did the chirpy Mancunian know that he would one day become the boss of Britain’s best cycling club!
#134 – COVER YOUR EARS!
“OK, we admit it,” wrote incoming General Secretary NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK on the eve of Dynamo’s 2005 AGM, “we’ve been crap at attracting and keeping women members.” But the blonde bombshell’s fear that the committee’s “dashing good looks and limitless charm” had scared the ladies off proved to be ill-founded as PETA ‘RUBS’ McSHARRY’s appointment as Women’s Secretary in early 2006 began the gradual process of attracting non-male members to the UK’s most gender-friendly cycle squad. Today Dynamo can boast of having a woman member who has gone under the hour for a ’25’ in the form of JENNY ‘J-LLOYD’ JONES, not to mention her fellow Dynamettes NAOMI ‘JUDGE’ ANDERSON, CLAIRE ‘BILLY’ BEAUMONT, REBECCA ‘WHIRLIGIG’ CURLEY and SUSANNAH ‘GUNDOLA’ OSBOURNE helping propel their Surrey League squad to victory in the Women’s Team Series. The SL team was, of course, co-ordinated by rider-manager CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN – and here she in typically outspoken form before she became one of the few lady elites in the country. What a gob she’s got on her!
#139 – HERE COME THE HOT STEPPERS
One really cannot overestimate the contribution of the Solna Avenue contingent to Dynamo’s early years – indeed, without TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT’s rapid rise to 1st cat along with his eagerness to shine a light on the achievements of his old school chums CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN and RICHARD ‘BOY RACER’ DOLBY, the incipient newsletter would have been considerably less interesting. Way back in issue #65, we revealed the story of how the crew from Crewe along with Tom’s girlfriend LUCY ‘LOVELY’ DOVE moved into a house in Putney to create the highest concentration of ‘Mos in one location – and here they are again, celebrating Chris getting hitched to his university sweetheart Nicola. Sadly, Tom took issue with the description of his dancing abilities, but time is a great healer, so he might now have a similar reaction to his elder sibling JOE ‘BLOW’ HEMMANT, who laughed his head off as soon as he read it.
#184 – TOILET TROUBLE
We’d have loved to end this retrospective with a bang rather than a parp, but this story of PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY’s bottom misadventure really is too good to pass up. Toilet humour, but tastefully done – would you expect anything less from us?
Well, that’s your lot. The DYNAMITE! team now officially has 200 issues under its belt – and it’s been OK so far, don’t you think? Many thanks to PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN for asking us to do a newsletter in the first place, and we’re grateful to original club president Guy Andrews along with committee members past and present for encouraging this weekly folly. But, of course, we would never have got as far as issue #1 without your contributions, so please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to firstname.lastname@example.org. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we reset the Vic-20 for issue #201, it only remains for us to remind you about…
THIS WEEK’S RIDES
8.30am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.
9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and ideas for the next 200 editions.
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.
So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.
The DYNAMITE! team.