Posts Tagged ‘doping’

Where’s Danilo?

March 26, 2014

Since getting a life ban and moaning that everyone was at it, why is everyone picking on me, it’s not fair waaah waaah etc etc, former Giro d’Italia champion Danilo Di Luca appears to have gone to ground. But I think I’ve spotted him.

Add a ‘tache…

Danilo di Luca with a tache

and a fedora…

Inspector De Luca

…and voila! He is Inspector De Luca, the bicycle-riding detective of BBC4’s latest Saturday night foreign crime drama.

Mystery solved.

Presumably his next case will be to uncover the 90 per cent of Giro riders who were juiced up. Or maybe not.

Ten questions we may never get answered

January 17, 2013

lance and oprah

1. Will you publicly acknowledge, for the sake of your own dignity and the wider sporting community, that triathlon isn’t actually a proper sport?

2. Can anyone actually pronounce “Madone” without having to Google it?

3. Black socks. Whose idea was that, sunshine?

4. You know back in the day, when David Letterman used to announce, “Ladies and gentlemen, the five-time winner of the Tour de France, Lance Armstrong!” and a fat kid wearing a yellow jersey would ride through the studio audience on a Trek while the band played a speeded-up version of Proud Mary? How long did you have to spend in makeup to pull that one off? And can you put one of those clips on YouTube? Man, I loved those skits. Great times.

5. You always surprised your rivals with an unexpected, audacious move that allowed you to gain the upper hand psychologically. When’s the cookbook coming out?

6. After all that’s happened, how can you expect any of us to believe that you were the first person to ride a bike on the moon? And without oxygen? Seriously WTF?

7. Do you know that when Festinagirl daydreams about frenching Bertie, she opens her eyes mid-snog and sees your face?

8. Honey Stingers – you could call ‘em Bee PO! Hahahaha! Just putting that one out there, buddy.

9. Contrary to what’s been reported, can you confirm the only performance-enhancing rugs are on either side of Bradley Wiggins’ face?

10. Doping isn’t a victimless crime. Because of what you’ve done, thousands of us in the UK will ingest massive levels of caffeine to watch this ruddy interview at two o’clock in the morning. HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL, YOU MONSTER?

Lance Armstrong: closing the gap between satire and reality

May 20, 2012

‘What Eells said he found interesting is that after years and years of denials, that in the hours spent with Armstrong researching the article, that the rider didn’t once claim not to have doped.’

‘”Okay, here goes,” Armstrong said. “Um, in the late ’90s and early 2000s, I took, um… You see, in order to give myself a better chance of winning, I… Yes, there were instances during the Tour when…”‘

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