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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #151, 20.07.07
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, light rain, 16C max,
wind NW 6mph; Sun, light showers, 17C max, wind W 10mph +++
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IT’S PAUL GONE WRONG
+++ Unbelievably, a sports commentator has given up his catchphrase +++
Since the Tour rolled into town, the editorial team has been glued to the race coverage on ITV4, not least because we’ve been waiting a whole year to hear the unique vocal stylings of the one and only Paul Sherwen. The man who coined the immortal phrases “glass-cranking it” and “digging deeply in the suitcase of courage” to express cycling’s two extremes of effort will forever be associated with a certain adjective, emphatically exclaimed as if it were two separate words whenever something reasonably interesting happens. So you can imagine our nightly disappointment when we turn on the box expecting that excitable expression to be as prominent as the ubiquitous plugs for Chris Boardman’s new range of bikes, only to be fobbed off with the far inferior descriptions of “incredible”, “amazing” and (completely inaccurately, given that he’s invariably referring to something that has actually happened) “impossible”. It is, as the great man has chosen not to say, UN-BELIEVABLE! Whatever the reason for the verbal embargo, it’s certain that Phil Liggett’s linguistic lieutenant would have wheeled out his favourite word once again if he had read about the Dyna-misery at the Etape, which saw charity fundraiser DAVID ‘PINKY’ GARDNER threaten to give up, ANDY COOKE suffer a nasty crash as a result of a blow-out, and the melting tarmac almost bringing ALEX ‘LAD POOPED’ MURRAY’s fork to a sticky end. You can read all about Monday’s 122-mile adventure from Foix to Loudenville on the forum… http://tinyurl.com/24g46q …but for now, let’s turn our attention to a number of notable Dyna-minnows who, like Liggett’s co-commentator, are
often overshadowed by their more renowned counterparts. It’s time to turn up the volume on the microphone…
FANTASTIC FOURTHS
+++ Hoult and Davis lead the charge +++
Any ‘Mo who begins their Dyna-mail with gratuitous flattery is likely to get top billing in Britain’s vainest Dynamatic publication – but RICHARD HOULT, who is apparently enjoying this periodical’s “literary genius”, nevertheless deserves to feature in our lead item after becoming the only 4th cat to finish in the points at last month’s 2/3/4 Economic Energy race in Roxwell, Essex. Assailed by wind and rain, the former UBS rider clawed his way to the break which was then swallowed up within two miles from the
line, leaving him with no choice but to brave the bunch sprint on the inclined finish to take 15th… http://tinyurl.com/3xz35t. Great stuff – and the 71-mile regional A event was only his second-ever road race! Rich graduated to 3rd cat on Sunday by placing 10th at the 2/3/4 Sotonia 40th Anniversary Road Race in Owslebury, Hants, which also saw RICHARD ‘BOY RACER’ DOLBY take 8th and HUW ‘AITCH’ WATKINS nab 9th… http://tinyurl.com/2lyvgj …after the pack was decimated in its unsuccessful attempt to chase down a two-man break. Over in Buckinghamshire the previous afternoon, Hoult’s fellow 4th cat ANDREW ‘DIDDY’ DAVIS claimed his first-ever BCF points by finishing 6th at the 32-mile Oakley RR… http://tinyurl.com/2lmuzt. Andrew muses: “My weekly humiliation at Crystal Palace must be doing me some good!” And the delayed results for last week’s Hillingdon races have revealed that ANGUS ‘PADDLER’ MACALISTER wasn’t the only ‘Mo to place in the 4ths race, as self-styled “old git” ROBIN ‘OSSIE’ OSBORNE appears to have lost his points virginity at the tender age of 50 by coming 10th… http://tinyurl.com/36hvna. What a nice way to start your debut season!
MONTY ON THE BOX
+++ Kiwi features in sportive coverage +++
While on the subject of ITV’s Tour output, which we were two items ago, it seems that many ‘Mos missed PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY make a brief appearance in Ned Boulting’s piece on the British Cyclosportive, which was aired as part of the network’s stage one coverage. The footage of the fastest finisher crossing the line with the lead group will hopefully be on the DYNAMITE! blog soon – and the Kiwi firecracker’s foray into the world of sportives hasn’t blunted his top-end speed, which he proved by winning the Hillingdon E/1/2/3 race last week… http://tinyurl.com/36hvna. The man’s unstoppable!
PAINE BACK AGAIN
+++ Crit king recovers from traffic accident +++
The legs may have been hairier and less chiseled than usual, but with his silvery Buck Rogers-style Northwave shoes glinting in the Surrey sunshine, there could be no mistaking that IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE was back in the saddle mere weeks after getting knocked down on the way back from his Crystal Palace stomping ground. The Wandsworth wonderman was at the MoD circuit in Chertsey on Saturday to warm up for Tuesday’s triumphant return to his circuit of choice, where he finished two places behind 4th-placed SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON in the E/1/2/3 race… http://tinyurl.com/35asue. Nice work, fellas! Incidentally, the official results for MoD have yet to arrive from Surrey League HQ – which could mean that the line judges are deliberating over the footage of the 3rd cats’ sprint to determine if TONY ‘CHUCKLES’ SMEDLEY won. He lives in hope!
HE NEEDS ‘MO HELP
+++ Garratt’s looking for assistance at race +++
Many readers will have already seen the massive advert for the Dynamo road race on the forum – but for any ‘Mos who have developed selective myopia since purchasing their “help the club” membership, this is a reminder that MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT is looking for assistance in staging the race in Crawley, West Sussex, on Sunday 5 August. Simply hit your reply button if you can lend a hand. Your club needs you, Dynamates!
FIRST LADY
+++ Blackman goes to the top of the pile +++
Finally – and this is only the last bit because she’s already been inundated with congratulations – feisty Dynamette CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN has reached 1st cat after finishing 3rd in a bunch sprint at the Hillingdon women’s series on Wednesday. The pedalling pedagogue was a 4th cat at the start of the season – and she’ll soon be heading to Mallorca for her second training camp this year. So watch out, fellas!
ALL TALKED OUT
We’ve reached the part of the newsletter that can be summed up by Paul Sherwen’s description of Sylvain Chavanel cracking: “Bridge to engine room – more power. There is no more.” Which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone for their un-believable contributions before we pack up the suitcase of courage for another week. Always remember we are an excitable commentator, and we would be nothing without you, our brisk peloton shooting past the commentary box. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the microphone
begins to cut out, it only remains for us to remind you about…
THIS WEEK’S RIDES
SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.
SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.
9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a tote bag of pluck.
WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.
So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.
The DYNAMITE! team.
The DYNAMITE! Files 
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