The DYNAMITE! Files

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #158, 07.09.07
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 22C max, wind NW 5mph; Sun, sunny intervals, 20C max, wind N 2mph +++
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WORD GAMES
+++ Olympic-sized challenge for nit-picker +++
The brigade of fact-checkers who wade through Britain’s top Dyna-matic news update pride themselves on being able to spot a trifling inaccuracy at 20 paces – so you can imagine their surprise when not one but two criticisms were levelled at them this week, the first arriving within minutes of our last edition hurtling down the lead pipe attached to the Dynamo Towers server. No doubt emboldened by rumours that an MBE is on its way for his work on the London 2012 project, quick-off-the-mark ALEX ‘BALFIE’ BALFOUR took issue with a quip that rounded off the closing item about ‘RADAR’ RUSS TURNER’s sporting aspirations for his new-born daughter Isabel, which read: “All he needs is an under-fives category for the 2012 Olympics!” Nit-picking Balfie writes: “Great newsletter as usual. I am, however, obliged to ask you to refer to the London 2012 Olympic and Paralympic Games in future editions, there being no such things as ‘the Olympics’.” Balfie’s dedication to his role is renowned, which is why it is admirable that he will undoubtedly take on the challenge of writing another 2,310,000 e-mails, as that is currently the number of hits “London Olympics” gets on Google. Undaunted by the task, he goes on: “If you are unwilling to acknowledge and act upon my pedantry I will have no choice but to decorate your bicycle with the London 2012 Olympic and Paralympic Games emblem.” Sadly, the threat of that punishment probably won’t affect our future conduct, as the latest bicycle added to the DYNAMITE! stable has attracted ridicule as easily as the infamous 2012 logo – although that hasn’t stopped Alex himself scoffing at Specialized’s Langster London… http://tinyurl.com/2j42e5. You cheeky swine! The second criticism directed at this publication came from GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL, who was miffed with us for omitting to mention in issue #155 that RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS had the advantage of a tailwind when he visited the Staplefields course for the final Surrey League time trial, where he knocked 1min 50secs off the previous week’s winning time set by Guysie. Interestingly, the ever-competitive derivatives trader declined to pit himself against Richard at the National Time Trial Championships in Holmes Chapel, Cheshire, which saw the relentless high-achiever put in a phenomenal ride to bag 14th place among the top pointy-hatters in the country… http://tinyurl.com/2qn4k3. You can read Rich’s exhaustive account of his supreme effort on the forum… http://tinyurl.com/2vnh5w …but before you do, let’s head over to West London for an event where the competitors look even more bizarre than the skinsuit set. It’s time the strap on those blades…

HELTER SKATER
+++ Confusing roller race leaves Garratt in a spin +++
Kit co-ordinator PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN recently rejected a delivery of Dynamo shorts which had been mistakenly cut to reveal rather more thigh than polite society allows – but MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT could well have done with a pair to help him get the camp skater look for an unusual event at Hillingdon on Sunday. Having applied blister-avoiding plasters to his
plates of meat, the lanky lad literally got his skates on for the London Inline Marathon, where he found himself getting lapped within three miles of the start as two pros from New Zealand whooshed round at a ridiculous pace. He wasn’t alone, as the entire field had already fragmented into small groups and individuals. Technique-challenged Martin, who tried in vain to put some power down, admits: “I’d been lapped about five times before the halfway point, so the lap board bore no relation to my race. After about 1hr 10mins, the race was about to be won, and some
happy-looking people pulled over. I carried on, unsure of how many laps I had yet to do. Apparently this is a common problem – most people I spoke to lost count at some point. In the end I pulled over to find out how many times my chip had been registered and was told I had another six laps to do.” What a shambles! Having survived the race, plucky Mart invested in a
skating DVD which features someone called Chad Hedrick doing about 30mph. Something tells us he’ll be back in 2008!

KIT’S BACK!
+++ Your chance to snap up garments +++
Speaking of Martin, dozens of Dynamates have already signed up for the inaugural Dynamo Club Championships… http://tinyurl.com/2fe8bs …which, of course, is the brainchild of the hard-working Chelsea chappy himself. And to make sure you look the part on Saturday 13 October, the committee will be selling tons of kit for one day only. You’re sure to be tempted by
the wealth of blue, black and orange outfits on offer, so make sure you’re in the Roehampton Gate car park at 11am on Saturday 15 September. Cash or cheque only. Bring lots – you are sure to be tempted!

MISTAKEN AWAY
The final errors have been inadvertently placed in this edition, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue before it’s sent away in an imperfect state. Always remember we are a grievous mistake, but we would be nothing without you, out minor
errors. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as another reader prepares a letter of complaint, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a quibble.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

This entry was posted on November 15, 2010 at 5:35 pm and is filed under DYNAMITE! filed.