The DYNAMITE! Files

BLANK STATEMENT
+++ It’s a pointless weekend +++
With the money markets spinning out of control faster than a fixed-gear fanatic descending Leith Hill, it’s comforting to know that the global credit crisis will never devalue the pleasing certainty of the club’s high-yielding race performances – or at least that’s what DYNAMITE! thought until we took a peak in the Dynamo points bag for this week and found it was emptier than a Northern Rock savings account. Never-say-die New Zealander PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY tried his best at the Cutmill E/1/2/3 race in Elstead, Surrey, on Sunday but could only muster 18th… http://tinyurl.com/3ca9p3 …while over in Strood, Kent, RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT got his cyclo-cross season off to a creditable start with 13th at the opening London league event… http://tinyurl.com/ywrekw. Had he still been in the maillot bleu of Britain’s best cycling club, former ‘Mo Warrick Spence would have brought glory to the club for his 4th place at the Warwick Town Centre headlining event – and absent-minded CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN neglected to pack her race head for the women’s race, causing her to pack. But it was another Dyna-member who was to feel the loss of BCF points more keenly after he was robbed of a 2nd cat licence in a results mix-up – so come with us now as we try to adjust the balance sheet. It’s time to loan us your interest while we give him some credit…

THE UNKINDEST CUTMILL
+++ Cock-up forces ‘non-climber’ to tackle daunting gradients +++
Proud dad ALEX ‘BALFIE’ BALFOUR and British Cycling’s performance director Dave Brailsford had a chuckle when the strapping ‘Mo’s young son… http://tinyurl.com/23utl9 …reasoned that the red, white and blue GB van at last week’s Tour of Britain prologue must belong to France – and there turned out to be more confusion when RICHARD ‘BOY RACER’ DOLBY found he had been omitted from the results for the Crystal Palace 3rd cat support race. The former Solna Avenue resident would have graduated to 2nd cat if he had been duly listed as 4th, one place ahead of RUNE ‘SIZZLER’ SANBECK – so the self-proclaimed non-climber was forced to make his bid for a licence upgrade at Cutmill, which contains the most power-sapping hill of all the Surrey League courses. Rich watched ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY launch a doomed solo breakaway from the gun, and the two ‘Mos later teamed up with ALEX ‘BUSTED’ BASTIN, TORKEL DOHMERS and TONY ‘CHUCKLES’ SMEDLEY to bring back a break on the final lap. Having done all the work, the blue train ran out of steam on the finishing climb – although 11th-placed Rich showed he had underestimated his climbing ability by becoming the highest-placed ‘Mo in the 57-mile 3rd cat race… http://tinyurl.com/346z3s. No points – but there’s always Walliswood on Sunday, pal!

KIT OUT MORE
+++ Second sale of club gear planned +++
As these words are being thumped out on the DYNAMITE! Vic-20, club boss NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK is in the Dynamo boardroom with PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN and MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT as they try to decide when you lucky lot will get another chance to snap up Dynamo’s extensive range of must-have garments. Buoyed by the huge success of Saturday’s post-Parkride sale, which reduced the stock of Windstopper jackets and arm-warmers to zero, kit co-ordinator Paul has put in another order with clothing supplier Sportful and sternly admonished the firm for getting the sizes wrong on a previously-abandoned shipment. They won’t be making that mistake again!

HAVING A GAS
+++ Ward’s windy time in the Rockies +++
Finally, a much-belated congratulations to ‘BUFFALO’ BILL GILBERT and CHRIS ‘HOSPITAL’ WARD for surviving the 372 miles of the TransRockies challenge. Bill kept a blog of their seven-day off-road adventure in the Canadian wilderness, which included 12,000 metres of climbing – and the poor man seems to have suffered even more in their shared tent thanks to Chris’s tummy bug producing an unwelcome amount of flatulence… http://tinyurl.com/2crdzm. Dear oh dear!

BELL END
The trading floor is about to close, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone for sending stuff in for this issue before we begin totting up our losses. We always strive to offer humorous returns for a modest investment of your time, so please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the NYSE bell tolls, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a block of part-paid ordinaries, funnelled through Geneva, underpinned by a notional rights issue. Who’ll be wincing then?

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

This entry was posted on November 15, 2010 at 5:23 pm and is filed under DYNAMITE! filed.