————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #167, 09.11.07
————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 13C max, wind NW 13mph; Sun, sunny intervals, 11C max, wind NW 9mph +++
————————————————————————–
BOMBSHELL ABOUT TO GO OFF
+++ It’s the end of an era +++
A glorious pink sky blazed over Hillingdon on Saturday as crafty Kiwi PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY made a brief detour on the grass to get past the masses of ‘Mos stampeding towards the line, thereby securing his victory at the inaugural London Dynamo Club Championships – and DYNAMITE! can exclusively reveal that the sun is also setting on NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK’s stewardship of Britain’s best cycling club. The blonde bombshell told the committee on Monday that he and his family are moving to Monmouthshire at Christmas, so he will step down from his post but remain a member, which means you might see those familiar powerhouse calves at a few races and Dynamo events in 2008. Naturally, DYNAMITE! would like to thank Nick for running the club for the past two years and wish him well for the future. We’ll miss you, pal! And members can look forward electing his replacement at the Annual General Meeting, which will probably take place next month. Nick, of course, attended the Club Champs, where he witnessed IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE try his best to stay away with TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT on the West London circuit – and the soon-to-be ex-captain will be presenting sprint sensation Paul with his trophy at the Annual Social on Thursday 22nd November. Places are filling up nicely for the party at the Arts Club in Dover Street, W1… http://tinyurl.com/3xrare …so make sure you write out a cheque for £40, made payable to London Dynamo, and send it along with your e-mail address to PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT at 30 Tudor Gardens, Twickenham, TW1 4LE, if you don’t want to miss out. All food and drink is included in the subsidised ticket price. There will be an awards ceremony on the night to celebrate the club’s amazing achievements – and to get you in the mood for the prize-giving, this publication is proud to present the ‘Mities, our slightly less serious gong show, in this, the final newsletter of the year. Let’s take a look at the light-hearted side of 2007…
THE AA ‘YOU’VE GOT A FRIEND’ FLUORESCENT YELLOW COAT FOR CHUMS OF THE YEAR
Like the benevolent army of singing roadside mechanics bestriding a hill in the popular television advert, the London Dynamo network is a big, sprawling band of friends, a kind of living Facebook with Richmond Park as its server, if you like – which means there are many, many names that deserve to win this coveted title. At the British Cyclosportive, for instance, good old GAVIN ‘NO LYIN’ RYAN dropped back to help PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT back to the Dynamo train from which the exhausted Brummie
had been forced to decouple thanks to a call of nature (issue #149, 06.07.07). And at Newick scout hut in East Sussex, resourceful ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY lent WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER’s cousin Ben Spurrier his spare pair of shorts, thereby allowing the forgetful Evans rider to take part in the 3rd cat Barcombe race (#135, 30.3). But the observant reader may have already noticed the plural in the title of this particular gong – so it is with great pride that DYNAMITE! hands over the joint prize to gregarious grimpeurs SIMON ‘THAT ONE OUT OF SIMON AND GRAHAM’ RYNTJES and GRAHAM ‘THAT OTHER ONE OUT OF SIMON AND GRAHAM’ ROBINS. The dedicated duo, who have been a regular fixture on the 9am Sunday ride for many years, rode together throughout the arduous 105-mile route of the Polka Dot Challenge, which started in Cheadle Hulme, Cheshire (#147, 22.06) – and working as a two-man team the following weekend, the pair recorded the fastest Dynamo time at this year’s Dragon Ride, finishing the 120-mile South Wales sportive in 6:20:02 (#148, 29.06). They’re like the G-Force gang in Battle of the Planets – Dedicated! Inseparable! Invincible!
THE DON QUIXOTE SADDLEBAGS FOR MOST CONFUSED JOURNEY
Easily eclipsing MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT’s wrong turn during the Ventoux sportive (#144, 01.06), navigationally-challenged rower SIMON ‘IT’S GOOD, BUT IT’S NOT’ WRIGHT was dropped before he ploughed up Puig Major and went down the other side, where he realised something might be amiss as his riding partners GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL and DAVID ‘PINKY’ GARDNER were nowhere to be seen. So the big lad turned around, went back up the mountain – which happens to be the biggest in Mallorca – and eventually made his way back to the unofficial Dynamo training camp’s base at Club Pollensa (#137, 13.04). What a way to earn a post-ride beer by the pool!
THE GUY ANDREWS’ MEGAPHONE FOR BLAST OF THE YEAR
Quick-to-anger crit queen CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN made a wholehearted bid to win this category by using a word that begins with “W” and rhymes with “Le Tour” after a wheel-sucking woman annoyed her at the Milton Keynes Bowl – and 24 hours later, she unleashed a volley of verbal fury at a “stupid man” who knocked her front wheel at Thruxton. In a fit of blind fury that would have made founding Dynamo president Guy Andrews proud, cheesed-off Charlington unleashed another stream of invective on the next lap of the Hampshire motor circuit, only to discover that she had lambasted the wrong chap this time (#134, 23.03). But her efforts were outdone by the vivid imagery used by NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK, who threatened to forcibly remove DAVID ‘PINKY’ GARDNER’s legs and stick them up his you-know-where after the Kent crackerjack upped the pace in the Peak District to escape the hail lashing down on the 16 intrepid Mos (#127, 02.02). Wash your mouth out, sir!
THE R KELLY ‘I BELIEVE I CAN FLY’ AWARD
Terrified tiddler RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT made an inadvertent attempt to become a human kite when high winds visited the Dynamo trip to the Peak District (#127, 02.02) – but PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN bettered his little chum’s abilities as a gust-magnet when he fitted a disc wheel and deep-section rim for a blustery 30-mile time trial in Frieth, Bucks. With wind speeds reaching up to 36mph, the TT titan was blown from one curb to the other, leaving him with his nerves shot to pieces by the time he crossed the line in 1:16:57 (#134, 23.03). At least the chortling Agiskoviner officials in the team car were kept entertained!
THE WILLY VOET MEDICINE BAG FOR DUBIOUS EXPERIMENT OF THE YEAR
Human guinea pig RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT had a funny turn while driving SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON to the season-opening Perfs Pedal race in Portsmouth – and it was all thanks to his sneaky chum PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN, who had persuaded him to try out a suspect product called Spike which he had purchased over the internet… http://tinyurl.com/ynw9sb. Living up to the manufacturer’s proud boast that it will “blow your freakin’ head off”, the pill left Rusty holding the steering wheel in a sweaty, vice-like grip as his heart-rate rocketed (#129, 16.02). Sadly, the effects wore off after a minute, so the little fella wasn’t able to reap the benefits during the race itself. Bad luck, pal!
THE JOHN TRAVOLTA GLITTERBALL FOR SERVICES TO DANCING
Ever the gentleman, DYNAMITE! was glad to fulfil an ample lass’s request to “dance erotically” by introducing her to ginger jiver CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN, who was strutting his stuff on the dancefloor of the King’s Tun during his stag night in Kingston (#135, 30.03). Perhaps it was the sheer magnitude of the woman he was facing that led to him delivering a substandard boogie at the “upmarket” Surrey boozer – or maybe he realised that he could never out-dance childhood chum TOM ‘HUMBLE’
HEMMANT, who has bagged this particular gong for his “funky chicken” moves at Chadders’ reception one month later (#139, 27.04). The man was clucking amazing!
THE RECYCLABLE PLASTIC BAG FOR SHOPPING TRIP OF THE YEAR
Speaking of Dynamo’s now-defunct Solna Avenue chapter, crit killer RICHARD ‘BOY RACER’ DOLBY was barely able to turn the pedals after hitting the wall in spectacular fashion during his road race debut at a 2/3/4 SERRL event in Bells Yew Green, East Sussex – and his plea to a marshal for food earned him a handful of loose change plus directions to the nearest Costcutter (#142, 18.05). Two bananas, one Boost bar and a couple of digestives later, refuelled Rich was able to get back on his white Litespeed and reach the finish just as the line judge was packing up. Hurrah!
THE MICHAEL RASMUSSEN WORLD ATLAS FOR MOST AMUSING OVERSEAS JOURNEY
In a valiant attempt to fill the voluminous pink jersey vacated by Jan ‘it’s me glands’ Ullrich, daring Dynamate JONATHAN ‘SNAPS’ GITTOS infiltrated the T-Mobile training camp in Mallorca (#127, 02.02) where he befriended Brit pros Roger Hammond and Mark Cavendish before persuading the former to pose in a stylish Dynamo cap… http://tinyurl.com/2gr7gc.
Sadly, the new media man failed to pass himself off as Der Kaiser, which means this award goes to Levi Leipheimer look-alike PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT, who was asked to pose for numerous photos and a Japanese TV station after clueless spectators at the opening stage of the Tour de Langkawi repeatedly mistook him for a professional cyclist (#129, 16.02). It must have been because he was wearing the kit of that world-famous pro team London Dynamo!
THE ROY CASTLE COMMEMORATIVE TAP SHOES FOR RECORD OF THE YEAR
He already holds the record for the fastest Dynamo rise from 4th to 1st cat (16 weeks and one day, in case you were wondering) – and this year RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS made another entry in the club’s history books when he did the WLCA 10 in 20:43 (#162, 05.10). His time was the fastest ever recorded for the course in Knowl Hill, Berks, until someone shaved 10 seconds off it an hour later – which means Rich has set the briefest record held by a ‘Mo. Congratulations!
THE DOROTHY PERKINS GIFT VOUCHERS FOR MOST UNCONVINCING SEX CHANGE
(presented by British former pro **NAME CENSORED ON LEGAL ADVICE**) Hard-as-nails northerner TONY ‘CHUCKLES’ SMEDLEY could never be accused of looking like a girl, so it was a surprise to many when the organisers of a 3rd cat Surrey League race at the MoD circuit in Chertsey thought he appeared to be CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN (#153, 03.08). There are, of
course, a pair of noticeable differences between the two (one wears pink Oakleys and a Specialized helmet, the other doesn’t), so quite why 4th-placed Tony was listed as his Dynamette buddy remains a mystery…
PEACOCK TAKING FLIGHT…
A removals van is waiting outside Dynamo Towers, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue before Nick begins carefully packing away his extensive collection of sought-after bicycles. The editorial team will return to the newsletter’s famous soundproof bunker in February, by which time the club will have a new leader. Perhaps the job will be handed over to a certain chirpy Mancunian who fights it, but knows he wants it. Or maybe he just needs time to think. But there isn’t time to think – there’s only time to act! In the meantime, please feel free to send us a Dyna-mail containing any news or gossip you might have to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. You might also like to keep an eye on the forum for announcements regarding the date of the AGM and that long-postponed kit sale. But for now, as we pause to give a huge thank-you to everyone who has contributed stuff over the past nine months, it only remains for us to remind you about…
THIS WEEK’S RIDES
SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.
SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.
9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles
at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and someone who has won the Brittany Ferries 2-Day.
WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.
So until next year, Dynamates, goodbye, have a great Christmas and New Year, and keep riding.
The DYNAMITE! team.
The DYNAMITE! Files 
Leave a Reply