YOU POUR THINGS
+++ Crit fans miffed as races are rained off +++
Throughout its illustrious history, the mighty blue, black and orange army has overcome many mighty enemies on the circuits of south east England – but Mother Nature proved to be an unconquerable foe this week when she created misery at a number of races and caused others to be cancelled, simply by unleashing an onslaught of rain. Damn you, cruel mistress! Crit-crazy chums DAVID ‘PINKY’ GARDNER, TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT, ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY, IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE, GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL and many others eagerly paid their £10 entry fee at Crystal Palace on Tuesday night, only to receive a refund less than an hour later after the heavens opened for the umpteenth time that day, making the dreaded bottom corner far too slippery for racing. Curses! A trip to the coast for CHRIS ‘CALAMITY’ CAMPBELL also turned out to be a washout when a lone, drenched, British Cycling official informed him that Friday’s 2/3/4 race at Hove Park had been called off. But lucky old MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON managed to avoid a soaking at Bentley, Hants, where he braved the exceptionally windy conditions to take 7th at the Farnborough and Camberley 25-mile time trial on Saturday… http://tinyurl.com/2vozuj. …and undaunted Dynamates elsewhere refused to let the diluvial weather disrupt their racing schedule. So come with us now to round three of the Sigma Sport Road Race Series, where three wet ‘Mos defied the fate of more than half the field by actually making it to the chequered flag. Here comes the broomwagon…
THEY AIN’T COMING BEC
+++ Quartet leave pack for dead at Lingfield +++
It started raining half an hour into the 72-mile event and didn’t stop until they drove home – so let’s all give a hearty “chapeau” to TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT, IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE and RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS for being among the paltry total of 18 finishers at the Bec CC road race in Edenbridge, Kent on Sunday. Well done, fellas! Their hopes of landing a podium place were dashed on the first lap of SERRL’s Lingfield circuit when four of the strongest riders in the E/1/2/3 race disappeared up the road, although Ian would later get close to bridging the gap. Lucky Rich was allowed to escape a few miles from the finish, which enabled him to nab 7th, while Tom took 8th and Ian settled for 17th… http://tinyurl.com/ys6mu5. As it was a band 2 event, all of the 18 finishers earned points – and they certainly deserved them. Rich admits: “My hands and feet were numb at the end. I’m not sure I’ve ever done such a wet race.” The FBD Insurance Ras, which starts on Sunday… http://tinyurl.com/yof884 …should be a doddle by comparison!
JOE BLOWS
+++ Hemmant Sr pays the price for hill climb +++
As Rich prepares to head for Ireland with PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY, outspoken JOE ‘BLOW’ HEMMANT is demonstrating his no-nonsense approach to cycling by becoming the unofficial directeur sportif and team leader of the eight-man Dynamo supergroup taking part in L’Etape de la Defonce stage race. The in-control Crewe man has sorted out energy bars, gels, breakfast supplies and salubrious accommodation at a Premier Travel Inn for MATT ‘IRON’ BRIDGE, CHRIS ‘CALAMITY’ CAMPBELL, CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN, MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT, WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER, ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY, TONY ‘CHUCKLES’ SMEDLEY and himself, so the pampered 3rd cats are really expected to come up with the goods in Bridgend, Mid Glamorgan, this weekend. But whatever happens, the daunting gradients of South Wales are unlikely to prove a problem for TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT’s determined older brother, who finished 4th in the four-mile uphill time trial at the Tour of the Milburys in Meonstoke, Hants, on Saturday. Nice one, pal! Having used up his energy, knackered Joe admits the 2nd and final stage of the 2/3/4 event saw him “hanging on for grim death”, although he still managed to rustle up a sprint to take 19th. That’s the spirit! Meanwhile, RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON bridged to the decisive break, allowing him to grab the No.9 spot on the 68-mile stage and elevate his GC position to 9th. Joe ended up 15th on the GC and DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE came 20th… http://tinyurl.com/2spz8b …but spare a thought for WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER, who ran out of juice on the second stage. Unlucky, buddy!
UNHAPPY SHOPPER
+++ Race official diverts dazed Dolby to Costcutter +++
Team players DAVID ‘PINKY’ GARDNER and HUW ‘AITCH’ WATKINS dutifully sat on the front of the pack at Lamberhurst/Frant on Sunday, allowing RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT to get away – and after the 2/3/4 race came back together, the duo still managed to nab 14th and 15th respectively… http://tinyurl.com/2d6ohu. Well done, fellas! Less than half the 60-strong field finished the rain-drenched 56-mile race in Bells Yew Green, East Sussex, although it appears only RICHARD ‘BOY RACER’ DOLBY was sent on an emergency shopping errand. The experienced crit man, who was making his road race debut, ended up getting dropped on the start of the final lap before hitting the wall spectacularly five minutes later. He reveals: “I could barely turn the pedals and my vision was narrowing. Eventually I found a marshal to beg for food, but he didn’t have any, so he just gave me some loose change and pointed me in the direction of Costcutter.” Only the finest grocery outlets set up shop in SERRL country! Rich adds: “I felt more than a bit stupid, but if I hadn’t eaten I probably would have passed out. Two bananas, one Boost bar and two digestives later I was feeling somewhat better. I managed to reach the finish just as the line judge was packing up his car to go home. I felt like an idiot, but at least I can say that I finished. I also learned you must eat more before the race and take food to eat during the race. And have some money on you.” That’s a lesson to us all!
IT’S SQUALL OVER
Hopefully, the worst of the wet weather is now over, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue before we wring our wet overshoes. Always remember this publication is a broad, inclusive umbrella, and each of you is welcome to huddle beneath it. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the storm clouds pass, it only remains for us to remind you about…
THIS WEEK’S RIDES
SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.
SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.
9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish milesat a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a Pac-a-mac.
WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.
So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.
The DYNAMITE! team.
The DYNAMITE! Files 
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