DYNAMITE! #89, 03.03.06

November 20, 2010

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #89, 03.03.06
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail news, views, and gossip to news@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click “newsletter” +++ Have a peek at our pics at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_personal.php?user_id=321 +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 6C max, wind W 6mph; Sun, sunny, 6C max, wind NW 10mph +++

Cyclefit to commemorate closure of Lea Valley Cycle Circuit with the Glider Eastway, which WARRICK SPENCE will ride in the National Criterium Series…


Made in Italy from specially-selected 7003 series aluminium tubing with Deda carbon rear stays. Frame and forks £849. E-mail info@cyclefit.co.uk
for details.

+++ Auspicious nickname propels Simmonds to second victory +++
There’s only one thing that avid tea-drinker Mrs Dynamite loves more than a warm, hot cuppa, and that’s sifting through the dregs at the bottom of her mug for clues as to what will to happen in the unpredictable world of bike racing – but this publication’s very own Gypsy Lee only had to glance at RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS’ nickname to foresee he had a dazzling future ahead of him. Just one week after DYNAMITE! gave him his Dyna-moniker for coming 1st at Eastway, race-hungry Rich made his 3rd cat debut at Thruxton where he notched up his second victory of the season. Two wins in two races – that’s Mystic Meg-nificent! The former “useful junior” got in a successful five-man break halfway through Sunday’s race – and in the 4th cat event, another daring Dynamate braved the strong, bitter headwind on the pan-flat motor circuit to make it a double Dynamo win. By an eerie coincidence, that rider also had an auspicious mention in last week’s edition of your favourite Dynamatic update – but before we reveal who it is, let’s give the crystal balls a rub and see who else will achieve great things by judging the performances at the club’s much-anticipated novice race on the MoD circuit. Here come quite a few tall, dark strangers…

+++ Watkins is highest-placed Dynamate at Chertsey +++
In the great tradition of 4th cat events, the first Dynamo Beginners’ Series race of 2006 ended with a stomach-churning mass stampede for the line – and brave sprinter HUW ‘AITCH’ WATKINS put in the best performance of the 18 ‘Mos in the 54-strong field by coming 2nd behind VC Meudon’s Tim Elverson. But his near-win, which he describes as “most unexpected”, quite literally turned out to be pointless – because he was racing without a full BCF licence. Stunned Huw reveals: “It made me ring the BCF first thing on Monday morning and get one.” They won’t give you points any other way, pal! There was more Dynamo glory trailing in Huw’s slipstream, with six of the top nine places going to the barmy blue, black and orange army…


Wooly-hatted hardman ALEX ‘BUSTED’ BASTIN took the No.4 spot, despite his two-man leadout train sitting up on the long finishing straight, and 7th-placed MARK JONES says: “I wasn’t sure where I was placed as my eyeballs were so far out of my head that they were scraping the tarmac.” We’ll pick them up before tomorrow’s race if we find them lying around!

+++ Kenneway makes brave bid for glory in handicap +++
Dynam-old hands CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN, RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON and IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE took the 4th cats on practise laps before riding alongside the race itself, thus ensuring they were feeling more than a little tired at the start of the E/1/2/3 handicap – but that didn’t stop fellow helper GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY from pulling out the stops in a bid to stay with a seven-man break which included eventual winner Toby Neave of Agiskoviner.com. The sensational 2nd cat only faded with three laps to go yet still managed to take 11th place, making him the highest-placed ‘Mo among the fragmented field in the fast-paced 40-mile event…


His brother DILLON ‘GORDON-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY, who came 8th in the beginners’ race, is going to have a lot to live up to this season!

+++ Goodchild’s victory in racing debut +++
One rider notably absent from Saturday’s novice event was legal tutor PETER ‘SOCKING IT’ GOODCHILD, who was forced to stay away due to work commitments – yet he certainly laid down the law the following day during the 4th cat race at Thruxton…


The former rower took advantage of the disorganised pack by pushing into the fierce headwind and carving out a 300-metre lead which he managed to hold until the finish. Now that’s oar-some! Peter reveals: “To say I was happy is an understatement as I really thought when I broke away on a circuit that flat I was being stupid.” Watch out for him at tomorrow’s handicap at Chertsey, fellas!

+++ Little-known Dyna-bro gets his chance to shine +++
Peter, of course, was chosen at random to appear in our brilliant new getting-to-know-you feature last week, and we would like to think that plucking his name from the DYNAMITE! Bucket Of Luck inexplicably foreshadowed his victory at the Hampshire circuit. Contrary, however, to this week’s tenuous theme of mystical portents, the future success of helmet-haired JOE HEMMANT…


…will have more to do with biology than astrology. That’s right, readers – this week’s featured Dynamate is the elder brother of big-hitter TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT, and this is his chance to finally step out of the shadow of his elite sibling. Take it away, pal!

NAME: Joe Hemmant
AGE: 30 (older than Tom)
LOCATION: Paddington – hence I’m always knackered when I arrive for the club run. So cut me some slack, eh, please?
OCCUPATION: Analyst. Not to be confused with an anal cyst from riding too hard too often – ask Tom
BIKE: Old, knackered and off-white Dave Quinn steelie with dodgy gears and a creaking front wheel
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN RIDING? Seems like forever but I never get any better
WHY DID YOU JOIN THE CLUB? Points envy. Can’t have Tom getting an easy ride – it’s embarrassing
WHAT ARE YOUR GOALS THIS SEASON? Get enough points to be able to race with my leader (Tom) and worship in his tyre tracks – or pick him out of various dry stone walls so mum knows someone is looking after him
WHAT HAS BEEN YOUR BEST-EVER EXPERIENCE ON A BIKE? Not pushing my girlfriend up Mt Ventoux and seeing her pleasure at reaching the top under her own steam. Most distinctly NOT my best moment was having my dad out-sprint me at the end of the Etape after 12 hours of dedicated domestique care!
WHICH DYNAMATE’S BIKE DO YOU MOST ENVY AND WHY? Tom’s Serotta isn’t bad. Failing that, I hear someone is getting themselves a new Time VXRSRSRSRS which pedals itself
WHICH DYNAMATE’S LEGS DO YOU MOST ENVY AND WHY? Rusty’s. If only I could spin that fast!
SEROTTA: HOTTER OR ROT? See above. If Cyclefit want to keep it in the family, mine’s a 54cm
LANCE OR TOM (BOONEN, NOT HEMMANT)? I’m still an unreconstructed Sean Kelly man
GO BAR OR POWERBAR? I’ll have a banana.
FAVOURITE AND LEAST FAVOURITE PART OF THE NEWSLETTER? “Humble” is always a feature, which leads me to conclude it’s his mouthpiece for disseminating propaganda and converting riders to his evil cause.

Thanks, buddy! Joe will win a month’s supply of Maximuscle energy and recovery drink, courtesy of club sponsors Cyclefit, if the newsletter’s editorial team judges his entry to be the best at the end of the year. So remember to fill in your questionnaire and send it back to us if you are one of the few who have been chosen. It’s the highest honour we can bestow!

Our mystical powers are drained, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent us stuff from the psychic world before we retire. We’ll be back when the moon is in Uranus – or next Friday, whichever the heavens decide must come first – and until then, please remember that we are Ursa Minor but we would be nothing without you, our Big Dipper. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, race reports, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘VIRGO’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as DYNAMITE! predicts it will hit the “send” button in just a few moments, it only remains for us to remind you about…


9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a memory of a past life.

7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Webridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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