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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #98, 05.05.06
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click “newsletter” +++ Have a peek at our pics at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_personal.php?user_id=321 +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, heavy rain, 16C max, wind NW 6mph; Sun, sunny intervals, 18C max, wind SW 7mph +++
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WON HELL OF A WEEK
+++ Four amazing wins, one nasty crash and a run-in with the law +++
This publication always aims to come up with an attention-grabbing opening paragraph to entice our excitable readership – but the editorial team could not have invented anything quite as dramatic as a certain race official’s announcement following the 3rd cat event at Norwood Hill on Sunday. The riders’ post-race chatter was silenced as the no-nonsense commisaire strode purposefully into Leigh Village Hall, smiled knowingly, and said: “You are probably all wondering why your licences… are IN MY HAND.” Having raised his voice to heighten the tension, he then upped the stakes by slowly lifting his left arm above his head to prove that he really was brandishing 50-odd laminated cards in his grip. No-one present had ever seen anything like it before and you could have cut the atmosphere with a pair of cable cutters. Clearly some wrongdoing had occurred – but were TONY ‘CHUCKLES’ SMEDLEY, ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY or any of the other assembled ‘Mos involved? And why was the fuming official flanked by police constable? It was like being in a detective novel, where the sleuth gathers all the suspects together in one room to reveal whodunnit before the bobby dutifully handcuffs the felon – and in keeping with a well-worn literary cliche of the genre, we’re going to keep you in suspense for a little longer as we turn our attention to no fewer than four classy wins by a trio of notable ‘Mos, taking in a crash at Hillingdon along the way. Ladies and gentlemen, let’s sift through the evidence…
ON TOT FORM
+++ Unstoppable Simmonds steps up yet another level with stage victory +++
It may seem hard to believe, but it was only a few months ago that RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS won a 4th cat race at Eastway – and after shooting through the ranks, the rising Dynamo star has once again proved the appropriateness of his Dyna-moniker by winning his first 1/2/3 race. Incredible stuff! The former “useful junior”, who only returned to racing this season, won the third and final stage of the Totnes-Vire two-day in Devon on Sunday…
http://www.britishcycling.org.uk/web/site/BC/roa/EventReports2006/20060430_Totnes.asp
Richard – pictured doing a magnificent victory salute in the above link – says: “I jumped off the front with a few others about five miles from the line and then dropped them up the finishing climb. Nice!” In addition to getting sunburnt, his win on the 100km stage propelled him to 4th place in the final GC, 28 seconds behind overall winner Ben Luckwell of Team GWR – and his efforts didn’t go unnoticed by Dyna-masseuse KIMBERLY ‘CANUCK’ KABATOFF, who reveals that Dicky boy offers himself up for her massage practise more than any other ‘Mo. So that’s the secret of his success!
CHIN AND BEAR IT
+++ Paine carries on after crash +++
Plucky IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE was another Dynamate who lived up to his nickname this week when he came down on Sunday near the end of the first stage of the Chas Messenger race. Ian avoided the messy pile-up at Hillingdon by veering onto the grass, only for a rider to knock him face-first onto the gravel path. He says: “I finished the race before pedalling off to Hillingdon A&E to get seven stitches in my chin to cover my jaw bone back up.” Ow-wow-ow, fella!
GLIDER AWAY!
+++ Triumph for Warrick at super-fast Palace race +++
Crit-loving Ian managed to recover in time for his weekly fix of Crystal Palace action – but his misfortune continued when he developed a slow puncture while trying to bridge across to WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE in the E/1/2 event. Unlucky, pal! Cyclefit sensation Warrick held off the rapidly-gaining pack on Tuesday to win by seven seconds…
http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006/cp2.html
…and his solo breakaway was all the more remarkable given that the 28-lap race was the fastest held on the park’s circuit in recent memory. It was also his second victory on Cyclefit’s new Glider Eastway bike. Just watch those orders flood in to Dynamo’s club sponsors from wannabe Warricks everywhere!
ONE-MINUTE WONDER
+++ Callinan wins TT by 60 seconds – then does it again +++
The DYNAMITE! team gave itself a pat on the back when last week’s edition was mailed out a few hours earlier than usual – but we held our head in our hands when PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN sent some astonishing late news shortly afterwards which would have gone in under normal circumstances. Damn our unusually efficient behaviour! It turns out the Kingston killer arrived at the Hounslow Wheelers time trial in Chertsey last Thursday and “felt like a bag of spanners going down a staircase” riding the shortened 7.6 mile course. Paul posted a time of 17:53 – and he reveals: “I thought I hadn’t done very well so I started to pack and head home. As I was leaving someone went, ‘That guy won by a minute!’ He was pointing at me!” The chap was right, you know…
http://www.hounslowanddistrictwheelers.co.uk/results/06/c_10_2.html
Incredibly, Paul returned last night and won by a minute AGAIN by finishing 14 seconds faster than the previous week. Keep it up and you’ll be travelling back in time by the end of the season, pal!
NORWOOD YOU BELIEVE IT
+++ Copper plays unusual role in sprint finish +++
Time, now, to return to the nail-biting cliff-hanger set up by our introduction, which readers with long memories may remember involved a Surrey League race official on the verge of issuing a stern ticking-off to the 3rd cat riders who had just taken part in the morning event at Norwood Hill. The commisaire complained that the competitors had repeatedly ignored the police outrider’s orders to stop going over the white lines, which means there may never be another event held on the circuit ever again. Minutes earlier, the safety-conscious bobby had briefly slowed the bunch sprint to a crawl before letting it briefly pick up towards the narrow finish – and puncture-hit PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY, who was watching from the line, was surprised to see the officer come 5th with his horn blaring. That’s not a fair cop! The results from the race have not yet surfaced, raising fears that the event has been declared null and void by BCF officials, which would be a shame for TONY ‘CHUCKLES’ SMEDLEY who came 4th in his first race for a decade. There’s no justice! The 2/3 race saw a repeat of the post-race lecture with an added 20-minute talk at the start, and poor MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT is thankful he hasn’t gone deaf from the constant scream of the siren. We’ll reveal which three ‘Mos made the top 10 if the results eventually appear…
‘MOTTE OF WORK TO DO
+++ Sportive sorts urged to get training on North Downs +++
Eager JOHN WITTS wants to get as many Marmotte-bound ‘Mos as possible on the south face of the North Downs to train for the French sportive event, which takes place in eight weeks – and he’s got quite a few hints for the legions of Dynamates taking part. Take it away, John! “Thanks, pal. The three-mile descent to Valois and the feed station is followed by the big one up the Galibier – and don’t be fooled by the crest in the distance that looks like the top. Wait until you have got there and can see what you have got to do through the ‘snowfield’ which can take a good 45 minutes. Bear in mind that the first time I did the event it was sleeting when I went over the top of the Galibier. Relief at getting to this summit at 2,600m is soon tempered by the very difficult descent down to the main road. Forget heroics – just do it safely as the consequences of even one second’s lack of concentration are too serious to think of. You can floor it once you’ve got to the main road, as long as the wind is not howling up the valley and you are having to little-ring it all the way down to Bourg. At this point you will know if you have made the biggest mistake of your cycling life and got to the bottom of Alp D’Huez with 100 miles on the clock and nothing in the tank. If you have, you will not be alone and will have to force every single pedal stroke all the way to the top. If you are on a good day, expect to feel a tiny bit better, but not much, particularly as the bottom 4 ramps are the hardest thing you will do on a bike this year.” It’s exhausting just reading about it!
JUST NOT FAIR
+++ Let’s sort out last week’s errors +++
Finally, just a brief note to say JUSTIN ‘ON A WHIM’ SIMS pulled out one of his trademark powerhouse sprints at the 3rd cat race in Chertsey to take 2nd on the Saturday before last…
http://www.surreyleague.co.uk/results/results2006/apr2006/apr22-3.htm
We overlooked his impressive result at the MoD circuit in our previous edition. Sorry, Just! And apologies to PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY. He’s a Kiwi, not an Aussie!
CASE CLOSED
We’ve solved the mystery of who killed the beautiful heiress, which means that there’s just enough time to thank everyone who contributed to this issue. We’ll be back next week, so please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘BUTLER DID IT’ BUIST to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the guilty man is lead away, it only remains for us to remind you about…
THIS WEEK’S RIDES
SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.
SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.
9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a magnifying glass.
WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.
So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.
The DYNAMITE! team.
The DYNAMITE! Files 
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