DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #64, 22.07.05
HAZY SUMMER
As a literate, articulate lot, it should only take the merest whiff of GT-85 to launch the average Dynamate into a far-reaching reverie of past glories and disasters – but the scorching summer sun seems to have addled a certain ‘Mo’s Dyna-memory when he recently ventured into the land that gave us A Remembrance Of Things Past. That’s right, madeleine-munching reader – we’re going back, way back, to the Monday before last when a group of intrepid Dyna-members followed in the pedal strokes of the pros at this year’s Etape Du Tour. So let’s line up at the start in Mourenx for what is sure to be a memorable 177km journey for all but one of our Pau-bound riders. Here comes the first bout of amnesia…
LIFE’S RICH ETAPESTRY
Many would agree that taking part in the Etape is an experience that stays with you for the rest of your life – but then they’ve probably never met ROBERT ‘THE VAGUE’ PRITCHARD. Was he, like STEVE WOOD, cheered by meeting riders clad in that familiar blue, black and orange livery who struck up conversations along the way? “I have vague recollections of seeing Dynamo jerseys,” Robert admits, “and I exchanged greetings, but it’s all a bit hazy.” What about going up the Ichere? “Pretty easy. Can’t really remember much about it.” But surely there must have been some Dyn-amazing views from the top of those climbs? “People have asked me about the scenery,” Robert says with a scratch of his head. “I remember seeing some tarmac, a lot of wheels, many different jerseys and, eventually, the finish. The scenery mostly passed me by.” The poor lad’s memory seems to have evaporated in the thin mountain air! But his recollection of the day suddenly kicks into gear with the mention of two dreaded words: the Aubisque. “Jesus,” wonders Robert, does it EVER end?” Fellow climber NEIL JONES recalls: “It was like a funeral procession. No words spoken, everyone just grinding away in their lowest gear.” For Robert, the silence of his agonising hour was broken by a splash. He explains: “It wasn’t, as I assumed, a rider lightening the load by ditching water, but someone throwing up. Fair play to him, though – he didn’t stop.” That’s the spirit! Pushing hard, Robert abandoned a slow-moving bunch on the descent and hooked up with ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY (“can’t remember his name – guy with long hair”) who set a blistering pace with some impressive turns at the front. A spot of cramp on the final two 4th cat climbs cost Robert a gold medal by a maddening three seconds, but he says: “I wasn’t too disappointed. I rode well and the cramp was unlucky, mostly caused by the heat. It was tough, but a good day.” Neil, meanwhile, says of the whole experience: “The townsfolk spraying you with garden hoses, the Selfridges January sales approach to the refuelling stops and the chance to nearly slap a cow’s backside at 40mph coming down the Aubisque made it unique.” And lastly, we have a challenge to identify a mystery ‘Mo, courtesy of JAMES HEATH, who writes: “A confident Dynamo overtook me half way up the Aubisque with the not-to-encouraging words, ‘It’s all uphill from here.’ So it was with a heavy heart that I passed him again cramped up on the tarmac at the bottom of the descent having his legs massaged by some local peasant. Sorry I can’t identify him, but I thought it might make an interesting ‘spot the Dynamate’ competition.” It certainly will, James! Speaking of competitions…
CAP THAT!
…we’re posting an amusing photograph of Cyclefit guru PHIL ‘NO NONSENSE’ CAVELL on the Dynamo website which we hope our humour-loving readership will furnish with a selection of amusing captions. The generous DYNAMITE! team has dug deep into its utility box and pulled out an unused puncture repair kit worth £1.75 – and it could be yours if you Dyna-mail the wittiest pic-related quip to news@londondynamo.co.uk with “Cap That!” in the subject heading. You really couldn’t ask for a better prize! The photo features Dynamo’s elder statesman on Cyclefit’s recent Etape training trip with tour organisers GPM10 – but despite looking somewhat the worst for wear after conquering one of many mountains on the three-country adventure, Phil reveals that it was one of his “best-ever cycling experiences” and he plans to hold another classic cols expedition in September. There are only 10 places available, so go to http://www.cyclefit.co.uk/GPM10%20Tour%20de%20Mant%20Blanc_the_aftermath.htm to find out what you’ll be letting yourself in for – and then head to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click the “newsletter” link to see the bike fitter adopting an uncomfortable-looking position. It ain’t pretty! We’ve also put up a few captions that Phil, his wife Donna, GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL and DYNAMITE! have made up – but we know you lot can do better!
“When the going gets tough, the tough age 10 years and won’t lend you their pump.”
“Years of listening to Warrick talk about every race he’d ever been in from the age of six was taking its toll on his boss.”
“The eye test was a struggle – but he could just about make out the first line: ‘U-R-F-U-C-K-T’.”
“Cyclefit – the worst a man can get.”
“As he squatted on the grass verge, Phil regretted having that extra baked potato.”
“Donna had made a happy man very old.”
“After 10k of hard climbing, Phil had been dropped. On his head.”
“Anyone seen a couple of eyeballs? Mine fell out on the last corner.”
“Luke could not believe what had happened to Yoda after moving from Dagobah to the Aubisque, yet his advice was still an inspiration: ‘Serotta buy you will.'”
“The poignant memorial to Tom Simpson brought tears to the hardened roadman’s eyes… after he sat on it.”
“Spare some change, Guvnor?”
“Julian’s business partner had always been a maverick – but he began to question Phil’s judgement when he began selling bicycles in the middle of Hyde Park.”
“Revealed: OAP given ASBO.”
“The makers of the stylish Goretex jacket were disappointed with the ‘mature’ model for their latest photo shoot.”
“Here, Shep!”
MOTTE AN ACHIEVEMENT
Of course, the Etape isn’t the only event on foreign soil that has recently been blessed by the presence of the capital’s finest – and ROB ‘ALL WEATHER’ TUBBS is determined to get a Dynamo team together for the 2006 Marmotte after conquering Alpe d’Huez on this year’s 100-mile circuit. The ex-army man, who managed a gold medal time with seven seconds to spare, revealed: “Wearing my London Dynamo kit I was getting many cheers and messages of goodwill.” We’re not surprised, pal! Rob was pleased to bump into former ‘Mo John Oldridge who returned to his northern homeland last year – but he didn’t spot SAM WOODHOUSE among the 8,000 competitors. Sam completed the cyclo-sportif event in 10hrs 8mins and you can see a picture of him approaching the final bend of Alpe d’Huez by clicking the “newsletter” link at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk. He says: “It was my best moment, although I look knackered.” You wait ’til you see Phil, buddy! You can also have a gander at Sam’s photo of T-Mobile renegade Alexandre Vinokourouv tackling the 13 per cent section of the Galibier during stage 11. That man’s unstoppable!
FONDO MEMORIES
Our final destination in this week’s whirlwind trip through Europe is Treviso, Italy, where MARTIN ‘BRAVEHEART’ BUDDEN, TOM ‘TUFTY’ DAVIES, PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT and WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE rode the 160km Granfondo Pinarello, which included 2,500m of climbing. Paul finished with Martin in 5hrs 42mins while Warrick came an impressive 83rd among the 1,524 competitors, clocking in at 4hrs 58mins. Bizarrely, the pony-tailed point gobbler appears to be listed under the TOM HEMMANT-esque nom de plume of Warreck Long. Baffled Paul asks: “What’s all that about?” Warrick, it’s over to you!
COME TO A VAULT
It’s been an unforgettable experience for everyone involved – but sadly it’s time to thank everyone for contributing their happy memories and lock them away in the vault. We’ll be back with more reminiscences next week, so until then, always remember that we are a sprawling cerebral cortex but we would be nothing without you, our hardy hippocampus. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘MEMORY MAN’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as our mind draws a blank, it only remains for us to remind you about…
THIS WEEK’S RIDES
SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.
SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and total recall.
WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Five laps of the park at race pace.
So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.
The DYNAMITE! team.
THE SMALL PRINT
SUNDAY, JULY 10 – SURREY LEAGUE – DUNSFOLD AERODROME, 3/W/J, 80KM: 1 John Wager (ibike.co.uk); 2 Martin Baker (i-team.co.uk); 3 PIERS STANSFIELD (LONDON DYNAMO); 4 Matthew Plested (agiskoviner.com); 5 Cyan Collier (Oxford City); 6 Paul Tunnell (Addiscombe); 7 Tony Gordon (Pearson Cycles); 8 George Higgs (Brighton Excelsior); 9 James Graham (Festival); 10 Marlon Moncrieffe (unatt); 11 Remedios Rosie (ibike.co.uk); 12= Tim Sales (Redhill); 12= Garry Timlick (GS Helix-Maestro); 12= Andrew Harvey (Kingston Wheelers); 12= DAVID NORRIS (LONDON DYNAMO); 12= Marcus Pool (unatt); 12= Richard Collins (Twickenham); 12= Dick Crane (Crawley Wheelers); 12= Graham Taylor (Farnborough and Camberley); 12= Nigel Smith (Twickenham); 12= Christopher Salt (Kingston Wheelers); 12= Adam Witherington (Farnborough and Camberley); 12= Dennis Wright (London Fire Brigade); 12= Colin Addison (VC Meudon); 12= Nick de Sancha (Kingston Wheelers); 12= Jon Hayes (Brighton Excelsior); 12= Alex Ioannides (Sigma Sport); 12= Giles Bowell (Twickenham) 12= Gavin Buckley (VC Meudon).
SUNDAY, JULY 10 – SURREY LEAGUE, DUNSFOLD AERODROME, 4/3W/4W 36 MILES: 1 man in black; 2 K Oamchi (ibike.co.uk); 3 Mark Goodall (i-team.co.uk); 4 P Wager (SBR Sports); 5 Bob Hatton (i-team.co.uk); 6 Roland Kusay (Redhill); 7 Jonathan Machni (Oxford University); 8 Martin Harris (Basingstoke); 9= David Palmer (Addiscombe); 9= David Fee (Basingstoke); 9= Martin Beckingham (Basingstoke); 9= John Snead (Reading); 9= Rob Thompson (South Western); 9= Simon Neave (South Western); 9= Simon Benge (Thames Velo); 9= John Nicholls (Thames Velo); 9= James Walmsley (Worthing Excelsior); 9= REBECCA STUBBS (LONDON DYNAMO); 9= Gary Bulluch (VC Meudon); 9= Nicola Wadham (Kingston Wheelers); 9= Ollie Moss (unatt); 9= Paul Hartigan (Thames Velo); 9= Joanne Long (i-team.co.uk); 9= Doug Rollins (Addiscombe); 9= Allan Hopkins (Redhill); 9= H Zabeil (Charlotteville); 9= Carl Walker (Addiscombe); 9= Glenn Mathicson (unatt); 9= Mark Compton (Sotonia); 9= Alan Brooks (Crawley) 9= John Willis (Eastbourne Rovers).
SUNDAY, JULY 17 – CHARLIE CAIN MEMORIAL ROAD RACE, HORTON-CUM-STUDLEY, E/1/2, 112KM: 1 Tony Gibb (Plowman Craven); 2 Martin Smith (Team Milton Keynes/Trek); 3 Paul Wilkes (Team Bradgate); 4 Grant Bayton (Anglia Sport); 5 Lee Davis (Maestro/Fircroft Hotel); 6 Nigel Williams (Python); 7 Simon Henley (Team Milton Keynes/Trek) 8 Tom Crouch (Team Sinergy/Bianchi); 9 Simon Brooks (VC St Raphael); 10 Mark Williams (Python); 11 Matt Clinton Team (Specialized); 12 Steve Thomas (Maestro/Fircroft Hotel); 13 Daniel Davies (agiskoviner.com); 14 Simon Smith (Comedy Superteam); 15 RUSSELL SHORT (LONDON DYNAMO); 16 Ian Alexander (Cheltenham and County).
MONDAY, 11 JULY – ETAPE DU TOUR, MOURENX-PAU, 179KM: 458 Guy Andrews 6.17.47 (gold); 588 Rob Pritchard 6.23.26 (silver, 26secs off gold); 600 Rob Jeffroy 6.24.07 (silver, 1min 7secs off gold); 738 Chris Ward 6.29.26 (gold); 758 James Heath 6.26.19; 1046 Ed McKinley 6.39.50 (gold); 1208 Bill Gilbert 6.44.46 (silver); 6125 Steve Wood 9.06.05; 8022 Neil Jones 9.28.58.
TUESDAY, 19 JULY – CRYSTAL PALACE LEAGUE #13, CRYSTAL PALACE PARK, E/1/2, 30KM: 1 Simon Cope (Pacific); 2 TOM HEMMANT LONDON DYNAMO); 3 IAN PAINE (LONDON DYNAMO); 4 Alex Atkins (Evans); 5 John Sadler (Addiscombe); 6 Matt Seaton (VC Londres); 7 Matt Rugman (Kingsnorth International; 8 Roger Morgan (Stilton); 9 Paul Mill (Edwardes).
TUESDAY, 19 JULY – BC WEST THAMES/SPORT AND PUBLICITY CIRCUIT RACE, HILLINGDON, 4/W/J 45KM: 1 Charles Emry (Twickenham/Evans/Natures Kiss): 2 G. Pettit (Hillingdon); 3 D. Bill (unatt); 4 K. Starts (unatt); 5 SAM WOODHOUSE (LONDON DYNAMO); 6 R. West (unatt); 7 D. Lombardi (Addiscombe); 8 A. Broadbent (Thames Velo); 9 T. Southern (unatt); 10 Unidentified; 11 G. Kerr (21st Century Airports); 12 M. Walter (London Phoenix); 13 T. Pears (Twickenham); 14 O. Peleg (Sport and Publicity); 15 P. Cornwal (unatt); 16 B. Skinner (Hounslow and District Wheelers); 17 I. Low (Thames Velo); 18 T. Snape (Twickenham); 19 D. Carpenter (Mission Racing); 20 N. May (Slipstreamers); 21 HUGO CANO (LONDON DYNAMO); 22 B. Skelton (Westerley CC).
THE LAST WORD
“Dutchman Wim Van Est fell over the edge of the Aubisque in 1951 when he was leading the race. He had to be pulled back up the road with a tow rope made by knotting together all of his team’s spare tyres. But these stretched so much that they no longer fitted the rims and the Dutch team had to go home.”
The DYNAMITE! Files 
Leave a Reply