DYNAMITE! #74, 30.10.05

November 21, 2010

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #74, 30.10.05

Anyone with just a passing interest in the capital’s hardest-working cycle squad will already know that Dynamo doesn’t power down until the very last race of the season, so it is with a slight sense of shame that DYNAMITE! admits it will be changing the usual format next week while we duck out of the action for one issue. That’s right, miffed Dynamates – the 75th edition of your favourite Dyna-matic update will be greatly reduced because we’re jetting off to Italy on Tuesday for a well-earned break. It’s going to be a boot-iful holiday! The highlights of the Florentine jaunt will include seeing Michelangelo’s David in the Galleria della Accademia and gazing in awe at the elegant dome of the Santa Maria del Fiore – but our most eagerly-anticipated cultural experience will be watching Mario Cipollini’s ongoing transformation from Lion King to dancing queen on the Italian version of Strictly Come Dancing. Now that’s the kind of thing that makes you really appreciate having a TV in your hotel room! It’s clear from this link – http://www.raidue.rai.it/Static/immagine/148/ballando1709_cipollini.jpg – that the fun-loving former World champion is in a twirl of his own since he made the change from the chain-gang to the cha-cha, although fellow contestant Diego Maradona seems to be taking things lying down: http://www.community.rai.it/cop_index.php?f=103. It makes a change from lying to the ref about a handball, you porky little twerp! To celebrate cheeky Cipo swapping his zebra stripes for satin pants, we’ll be attempting to type out details of two ‘Mos getting placed at Cutmill plus another sighting of our favourite Dyna-mystery man while Mrs Dynamite does a raunchy rumba with us in our famous soundproof bunker. It’s going to be a salsa-tional night, so come with us as we don a ruffled shirt and bolero jacket for a waltz-and-all expose of the Dynamo week. Here come the usual cheap frills…

Whoops! The ever-methodical ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY proved even the most level-headed rider can have a Dyna-moment of madness when he launched an all-out attack for the line at Cutmill on Sunday. The pony-tailed tactician thought he was destined for the No.1 spot in the 3rd cat race as he shot up the climb – then he heard the bell indicating there was still one lap to go in the 50-mile war of attrition. Bad luck, pal! Rob described the misjudgement as “the most stupid thing I have ever done in a race” but he still managed to take 8th after the group absorbed two riders who had gone with eventual winner Lewis Atkins in a late three-man break. Not to be outdone by Rob’s misfortune, powerful ANDREW STRONGE was ruled out of contention when his chain flipped out. It happens to the best of us, buddy!

Merckx-riding racer CHRIS ‘CALAMITY’ CAMPBELL came two places behind Rob – but his week of basking in the glory of nabbing a top 10 spot was cut short when footage of his inadequacies emerged on the Cyclefit website the very next day. The laboratory-style film, shot by fitting gurus PHIL ‘NO NONSENSE’ CAVELL and JULIAN ‘WONDER’ WALL at their WC2 HQ, focuses on the West Ken warrior’s left knee to show how his pedalling motion is completely out of whack. The camera never lies, Dynamates! Check out http://www.cyclefit.co.uk/motion_analysis.htm to see for yourself and find out more about Dynamic Motion Analysis. No self-respecting competitive cyclist will want to be without it in the off-season!

Popular Parkrider DAVID COURTNEY-HATCHER dropped DYNAMITE! a line to say he’s “sheikh-ing all over” after relocating to Dubai. He’s going to find it tricky making it to the roundabout near Ham gate on Saturday mornings! David reveals he’ll be in the famous blue, black and orange livery when he begins training with the Dubai Roadsters, but in the meantime he’s “waiting for the temperature to drop below 40 degrees”. It’s a hard life! Meanwhile, South Africa-bound Dynamate JOHN O’CONNELL is preparing to become another ex-pat ‘Mo – and he was amazed to find this article suggesting he can now get away with taking EPO, thanks to a kidney imbalance which causes a small leakage of protein in his urine: http://sport.guardian.co.uk/athletics/story/0,10082,1573843, 00.html. Some guys have all the luck!

He’s back again! For the second week in a row, elusive Kiwi KEN BUIST has been spotted out on his bike, fuelling rumours that he’s building up to a hectic winter training schedule. Weybridge wonder MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON reports: “I saw Ken at 5.30pm on Wednesday last week, riding along the Lower Richmond Road, on the drops.” Well spotted, sir!

Fit-For coach and former professional cyclist John Ibbotson died at his home on Tuesday. He was 27. John, who was a familiar face to many who go riding in the Surrey Hills, had been cycling in France with Dynamo club president Guy Andrews and Guy Powdrill just last week, which makes the news of his death particularly shocking. Guy A has written a short tribute, which you can read here: http://www.roadcyclinguk.com/news/article/mps/UAN/853/v/1/sp/.

The panel of snooty judges have delivered their disappointed verdicts, but before we leave the dance floor and head for the dressing room to scrub off our fake Tango tans, there’s just time for us to thank everyone for their contributions this week. Please remember that we are a glamorous Natasha Kaplinsky, but we would be nothing without you, our warm-hearted Bruce Forsythe. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘CUMMERBUND’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline is the afternoon of October 12th – a week on Wednesday – for the edition out on Friday 14th. And now, as the band strikes up for the next pair of contestants, it only remains for us to remind you about…


9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and sequins.

7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride into Surrey, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 25 – SURREY LEAGUE/VC MEUDON, CUTMILL, 3/J/W, 50 MILES: 1 Lewis Atkins (Glendene); 2 Rob Gough (Chippenham and District); 3 Mark Poole (Kingston Wheelers); 4 Mark Haylett (Specialized UK); 5 P Delahunty (unatt); 6 S Martin (Kingston Wheelers); 7 Daron Gardner (Basingstoke); 8 ROB JEFFROY (LONDON DYNAMO); 9 Tom Copeland (Fit-For); 10 CHRIS CAMPBELL (LONDON DYNAMO); 11 Chester Hill (TM Racing); 12 Niall Brice (Pacific Racing); 13 Trevor Keenan (Festival); 14 M Robinson (John’s Bikes); 15 Andrew McKie (South Western); 16 Alan Clarke (South Western); 17 A Wills (VC Deal); 18 Keith Boniface (34th Nomads); 19 Bryan Long (unatt); 20 Richard Webb (Farnborough and Camberley); 21 ANDREW STRONGE (LONDON DYNAMO); 22 Allan Hopkins (Redhill); 23 Paul Gosling (Brighton Excelsior); 24 I Lowe (Thames Velo) 25 J Cross (Maidenhead and District).

“Perhaps Strictly Come Dancing winner Jill Halfpenny will cycle to her new job as one of the two female leads in Chicago in London’s West End?”

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