DYNAMITE! #79, 04.10.05

November 21, 2010

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #79, 04.10.05

Voyaging across the Dynam-ocean of fact towards the distant shore of news is never plain sailing, and even though it has barely left port, this humble vessel’s passage is about to have the wind taken out of its sails by an invasion of pirates brandishing details of the forthcoming AGM. That’s right, m’hearties – for one week only, rum-quaffing social secretary NICK ‘PARROT’ PEACOCK will shortly be taking over from DYNAMITE! as captain of this ship as he reveals at length what the executive committee has in store for you, Dynamo’s faithful members, at this year’s annual club pow-wow. We’ve got to hand it to him – it’s gonna have you hooked! The blonde buccaneer is jabbing our booty with his cutlass, so it’s probably a good idea to get the second round of Ottershaw out of the way before we reach the end of the plank. Here we go… Seven riders managed to hold off the pack on Sunday, and lanky hero MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT made up for GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS’ doomed early breaks by sprinting for the lucky 13th spot, giving the club its first placing in the three-race E/1/2/3 series. Excellent stuff! Martin singled out DAVID ‘STRINGY’ STREULE for praise, describing him as “an asset” on the tough Staplefields course even though he turned up only 15 minutes before the start. The clocks had just gone back that morning! Talking of delays, the humorous pictures of Mario Cipollini strutting his stuff on the Italian version of Strictly Come Dancing and shots of PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN in the shower have finally surfaced on the Dynamo website, so you can have a chuckle at them by pasting this link into your browser: http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/content_pages/2005_archive/ld_newsletter_76.html. Finally, there’s just time to mention that Cyclefit is offering 10 per cent off Carnac shoes this month plus a free pair of Sidas custom foot beds worth £62 to every Dynamo member. With that plug out of the way, we’ll just sign off by reminding you to keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘PEG LEG’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the Jolly Roger is hoisted on our rigging, it’s time to hand over to Cap’n Peacock. Take it away, pal!

“Thanks, buddy. Now that Dynamo has become so big – in terms of numbers and results – we think it’s time that you all got to know what the ‘organisation’ of the club is and how you can (well, must) get involved. So here’s the list of posts that are filled and those that require candidates – all for discussion and resolution at the Annual General Meeting on Saturday 19 November, 9am, at the café by Roehampton Gate before the Parkride:

“EL PRESIDENTE – Bellowing taskmaster GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS has filled this post since the club started. He’s going to take a back seat next year so we need a new benevolent dictator. Job requirements? Grey hair or (at least) gravitas, encyclopaedic knowledge of cycling, a new test bike every week and the ability to shout a lot. Don’t be shy – put your name forward for this wholly unpaid sinecure. Be reassured that, like most senior management roles, you don’t really have to do anything.

“TREASURER – This post is currently held by RORY ‘GLORY, GLORY’ PARK. We seem to have some money at the moment, so he must be doing OK.

“MEMBERSHIP SECRETARY – Hardworking RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT has been doing this on his own since we started with about 25 members. Now we have more than 200 the job has got out of hand. So we want TWO membership secretaries to share the job with Rusty. Job requirements? A friendly face, no shouting and enough organisational skills to make sure you don’t lose the membership cheques. We need a Batman for Rusty’s Robin – supply your own cape.

“RACE SECRETARY – Dark knight PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN has been doing this by himself since we started but he wants to take a step back this year. As the job has grown over time, we want TWO race secretaries to deal with British Cycling concerning race licences (about 60 or so this year) and also to sort out the paperwork for the various affiliations that the club has – BC, CTT etc. MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT has agreed to do half the job so we’re looking for a partner for him. Job requirements? You’ve got to be more organised than the slow group on a Saturday park ride but the task shouldn’t be too great. Being tall might be good then you won’t get a sore neck talking to Mart.

“WOMEN’S SECRETARY – Ok, we admit it. We’ve been crap at attracting and keeping women members. Maybe our dashing good looks and limitless charm have scared them away. Not. So we want to get this sorted by getting one of our present female members to take on the task of making the club more open to women. You only have to ride in the park to see that there are women cyclists out there who could join and, in fact, would probably get to be better riders if they did join. Job requirements? Ability to lie with the straightest of faces about how nice we really are and to give us a bollocking when required.

“SOCIAL SECRETARIES – Dynamic duo PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT and NICK ‘BOMBSHELL’ PEACOCK will continue their invaluable (in fact, excellent) work into 2006. More great events in the offing. No prizes for guessing who wrote this, by the way.

“EVENT ORGANISERS – We are a big club. And in 2006, we will quite rightly be expected to pull our weight organising or helping to organise a whole host of events, including the Beginners’ Series, a road race (maybe even a stage race), a Beastway mountain bike race, a Crystal Palace race and so on. We also want to get some organisation for the many of you who don’t race but do take part in the many sportif rides such as the Etape and Gran Fondo. It would be much better if you know who else from the club is doing these rides so you can share transport, accommodation and route ideas. So we want to have ‘section’ event organisers who will have primary responsibility for getting our members out to help at events. The sections we have in mind are: Road Race, Mountain Bike, Time Trial, Cyclo-Cross and Sportif. Nick Peacock has agreed to combine his sterling work on social events with the role of Track event organizer. Job requirements? Persistence most of all. We’re not pretending that these will be, at times, anything other than thankless jobs – getting people to keep their promises to help out will be the usual nightmare – but they are jobs that have to be done. If we as a club don’t pull our weight then we will get thrown out of events. And if members don’t pull their weight helping out then they will get thrown out of the club. So really only the truly power-mad need apply. Frustrated you can’t invade Iran? This job’s for you.

“CHRONICLER – We’ve already got the best, so unless you’ve recently won a Nobel Prize for Literature, don’t bother putting yourself forward as a replacement for the man who sends you weekly updates from Dynamo Towers. And on that note of abundant praise, it only remains for me, Nick Peacock, to remind you about…”


9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and an eye patch.

7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride into Surrey, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team and special guest NICK ‘BOMBSHELL’ PEACOCK.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 30 – SURREY LEAGUE, OTTERSHAW, E/1/2/3, 95KM: 1 John Veness (Evans) 2.21.05; 2 Neil Edwards (unatt); 3 Steve Dring (Stilton); 4 Paul Holdsworth (Hounslow and District Wheelers); 5 Bryan Taylor (VC Londres) +27secs 6 Colin McDermott (Festival) +35secs; 7 Craig Peters (VC Londres) +40secs; 8 Jason Edwards (Ewhurst Control); 9 Lewis Atkins (Glendene/Biketrax); 10 John Wager (i-team.co.uk); 11 James Holland-Leader (agiskoviner.com); 12 Neil Lindford-Relph (VC Muedon); 13 MARTIN GARRETT (LONDON DYNAMO/CYCLEFIT.CO.UK); 14 Stewart Jardin (21st Century Airports); 15 Rob Fallon (Fit-For.com); 16 Gary Kristensen (agiskoviner.com).

“Talk Like a Pirate Day. As the name suggests, this is a day on which everybody would talk like a pirate. Is that a great idea, or what?”

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