HOUR RECORD
+++ Simmonds sets benchmark +++
It’s not often that DYNAMITE! gets to announce that a Dynamate has set a new record – so it is with great pride that we give a rich, fruity parp on the Roy Castle commemorative trumpet for RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS’ unusual achievement at the WLCA 10 at Knowl Hill, Berks, on Saturday. The TT titan finished in 20:43, which was the fastest-ever time for the course – until someone shaved 10 seconds off it an hour later. So that means Rich, who has already set the benchmark for the fastest-ever Dynamo rise to 1st cat, is now also the current holder of the record for the briefest-ever record set by a ‘Mo. Congratulations, pal! The relentless high-achiever was disappointed to miss out on 1st place the next day at the Epsom CC 25 in Broadbridge Heath, West Sussex, after three other competitors beat his time of 53.52 on the windy, hilly course. He did, however, take some pleasure in witnessing JENNY ‘J-LLOYD’ JONES scoring a personal best of 1:03:06 a day after winning the WLCA 10 in 23:42 against a strong field. Rich’s pointy-hatted partner also put in a great performance during round six of the Rudy Project Series on September 15th, where she finished just two minutes behind national TT champ Julia Shaw to take 3rd on the hilly 19-mile course in Bruton, Somerset. Jubilant Jenny, who went on to take 2nd woman on Sunday at the Epsom CC 25, says: “It’s a shame I’m beginning to get strong when all the races are running out.” And there’s another ‘Mo who is bemoaning the thinness of the racing calendar more than most – so come with us now to a celebrated cycle emporium as we share in his angst. It’s time to tot up the points…
HE’S GOT THE HUMPH
+++ Disappointment at Last Chance Point Grabber +++
Visiting A Certain Hampton Wick Retailer on Saturday to help Mrs Dynamite choose her very first road bike, this publication was dismayed at the total absence of any publicity trumpeting a celebrated stage race victory by one of their most valued employees. Surely it’s not asking much to hoist a banner above the door, proudly boasting that the shop is “The Home Of The Reigning Army CU 3-Day Champion” – even if he did win it with the name of their rivals Cyclefit emblazoned across his chest, back and buttocks. Thanks partly to that stunning victory, SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON has edged even closer to becoming a 1st cat – and he’s not happy at being so close but yet so far. “I have always tried to avoid it,” he confesses, “but now I have become that rather pathetic character, the points chaser – driving miles to races I don’t particularly want to do in pursuit of a licence I’m not even sure I want.” Having spent two weeks training in France, the Herne Hill hero’s competitive urge compelled him to turn up at Whitwell, Herts, on Sunday at the ungodly hour of 8:45am for the 67-mile 2/3/4 Last Chance Points Grabber. Sam reveals: “My legs didn’t wake up until 10am, by which point seven riders had already got away, mainly thanks to some Dynamo-esque blocking by Cambridge CC who had three riders in the break. I was pleased to see they came in 5th, 6th and 7th. I was best of the rest with 8th.” That result provided him with eight points… http://tinyurl.com/27lj4c …which means a top 10 place at the Finsbury Park RR in Steeple, Essex, on Sunday will get his licence upgraded. “Then I can have a rest,” he sighs, “and avoid Ottershaw – or, in the worst case, the Hillingdon winter series.” The screw is tightening for the compact mechanic!
OFF WITH A BANG BANG
+++ Sportivist goes fast to please his missus +++
The wife of under-pressure DUNCAN STEWART ordered the committed family man to return home for lunch the Sunday before last – and the super-fast sportivist duly obliged by shooting around the Southdowns Challenge in 2hrs 42mins, which turned out to be the fastest time for the 50-mile route… http://tinyurl.com/2pgmkc. Good work, sir! Duncan reveals: “I was home by 1:30pm in time to watch Chitty Chitty Bang Bang on ITV3 with my seven-year-old son.” They probably doubled the digital channel’s audience for the day! The pleasant breeze that greeted Duncan at the starting line in Southwick, Hants, wasn’t replicated this Sunday for the 115-mile Newbury Sportive, which ALEX ARAUJO reckons was one of the hardest he has participated in, thanks in part to the mystifyingly constant headwind on the circular course through Berkshire, Wiltshire, Oxfordshire and Hampshire. The fastest ‘Mo on the day was KARL JONSTON who took 6th after dragging 7th-placed Alex around the first half of the course – and JAMES ‘GROCER’ HEATH tackled the 2,000m of climbing to come a solid 17th after recovering from a nasty incident in Richmond Park three weeks ago involving a wayward deer… http://tinyurl.com/3d7z3l. Nice work, chaps!
COO-EEE TO CHLOE
+++ Say hello to Callinan’s latest addition +++
He’s been absent from his usual Surrey League and time trial stomping grounds recently – so honorary club president PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN was understandably overjoyed to produce his first result of the season in the form of little Chloe Marie Callinan, who popped out at 12:10pm on Monday afternoon. Congratulations, pal! Strictly speaking, of course, it was Claire who did the hard work, aided by enough drugs to keep Astana going for all three grand tours – and the dad-of-two has been a willing domestique ever since, waiting on his wife hand and foot. Proud Paul reveals: “Chloe’s cone head will go down to her being pulled out – it wasn’t me trying to form a family of aero-dynamically headed kids.” Nevertheless, her blanket (which you can see in the album marked “Chloe”) seems suspiciously cycling-related… http://tinyurl.com/2qferd. Now that’s starting ’em young!
SHOES THAT GUY?
+++ Mascot indulges Powdrill’s footware fetish +++
Paul’s sometime two-up partner GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL decided to hang up his coveted pearl-white Sidis for the year following an under-par performance at the recent Tour of Britain E/1/2 support race, which means no more outings for his official mascot Splodger until next season – so to make up for the jolly little fella’s enforced absence, the DYNAMITE! gallery now includes a photo of him guarding his foppish master’s treasured Italian footware. The album marked “Guysie” also shows the big fella renewing his acquaintance with a rather more well-known cycling mascot at the World Championships in Stuttgart on Sunday… http://tinyurl.com/2qferd. Watch out for that trident, pal!
FROM THE DARKNESS INTO THE LIGHT
+++ Time change for club champs +++
Finally, race co-ordinator MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT wants to pass on a big thank-you to TOBY ‘HUBBY’ BLACKMAN, MARK ‘MOHAWK’ DRAYTON, DAVID ‘PINKY’ GARDNER, JASON ‘KEEP IT CLEAN’ GREEN, WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER, BRENDAN ‘TRY HARD’ MOYLAN and MICHAEL ‘LUNGER’ SNEYD for helping out at Sunday’s 56-mile 1/2/3 race at Bells Yew Green, East Sussex, which was the final SERRL event of the season. Will and Toby, who manned the second lead car, took the riders on the correct course after the first race driver overshot the left turn at Frant, carried straight on, and then got called a number of ungentlemanly names by the riders as he spent a lap trying to return to the front. What a mess! Perhaps fearing a much bigger calamity at the inaugural club championships, Martin has changed the start time from 3.30 to 2.15pm, so you don’t need to worry about attaching lights to your race bikes during the final laps of the infamous Hillingdon circuit. There will also be a pre-race kit sale at 12.30pm. The date – Saturday 3rd November – is unchanged. More than half the places on the starting sheet have already gone… http://tinyurl.com/2n4grp …so sign up on the forum today to avoid disappointment!
TAPPED OUT
Like Roy castle after his record breaking tap-dance-athon, the editorial team feels tired yet elated to have reached the conclusion of this longer-than-anticipated edition, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in before we shake hands with Norris McWhirter. Always remember that your dedication, dedication, dedication is what we need – so please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as Kris Akabusi’s cackle echoes around the studio, it only remains for us to remind you about…
THIS WEEK’S RIDES
SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.
SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.
9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and the Guinness Book of Records.
WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.
So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.
The DYNAMITE! team.
The DYNAMITE! Files 
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