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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #135, 30.03.07
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views,
and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics –
http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web –
http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 12C
max, wind NE 23mph; Sun, sunny intervals, 14C max, wind NE 17mph +++
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TUN OF FUN
+++ Hefty lass gets Chadders moving at stag do +++
The editorial team is constantly aware of our humour-hungry readership’s
love of embarrassing yarns – so we naturally thought a Dynamo stag weekend
would enable this edition to practically write itself. Unfortunately,
CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN’s farewell to bachelordom this week didn’t
end with him tied naked and semi-conscious to a lamppost on the M4,
although there were a couple of ‘Mos who booked their place in the
DYNAMITE! hall of shame by proving they were more lightweight than a pair
of Obermayers. Having downed three whole pints on the first leg of the
convivathon in Covent Garden on Friday night, straight-talking JOE ‘BLOW’
HEMMANT turned up at the Daytona go-karting track in Sandown the next
morning nursing a sore head, while Chris’s not-at-his-best man RICHARD
’BOY RACER’ DOLBY attributed his death-warmed-up appearance to food
poisoning rather than a hangover. We believe you, pal! Nauseous Rich
nevertheless proved himself worthy of his petrolhead Dyna-moniker by
beating Chris, Joe, WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER, TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT, GORDON
’KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY and the rest of the fellas in the 40-minute hurtle
around the twisty circuit – but it seemed nothing quite as racy was going
to take place at the King’s Tun in, erm, Kingston that evening.
Thankfully, a sozzled lady of generous proportions was volubly demanding
why nobody would accompany her on the dancefloor, which DYNAMITE! took as
its cue to introduce her to a certain ginger jiver who did his best to
fulfil her request to “dance erotically”. There’s no need to thank us,
buddy! The festival of fun was one of the newsletter’s rare trips out of
the famous soundproof bunker in the bowels of Dynamo Towers – and we’ll be
staging another disappearing act on Saturday as we head to Mallorca for a
week of laughs with DAVE ‘PINKY’ GARDNER, GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL, TONY
’CHUCKLES’ SMEDLEY and SIMON ‘IT’S GOOD, BUT IT’S NOT’ WRIGHT. That means
your favourite Dyna-matic read will revert to a “test card” type of affair
next week. And to be frank, there’s so much to sort out for the trip that
this bit is being written a day in advance, which means we have absolutely
no idea what the next item is going to be. So come with us now as we
abandon the traditional smooth transition to the first story and plunge
bravely into the unknown. Here comes something – we know not what…
WHO’S THE WALLY NOW?
+++ Hemmant senior’s insult backfires +++
Irritatingly, it turns out that JOE ‘BLOW’ HEMMANT chose the Peter Young
Memorial road race to prove his mettle by taking 4th at the 3/4 event…
http://tinyurl.com/3ytzop …which would have made a nice link for the
above intro, had it not been written ahead of schedule. Something along
the lines of: “One of the sneakier stags ducked out early and saved his
race legs to reap a strong result the next day. So come with us now to
Chertsey as we reveal how a certain straight-talker emerged from the
shadow of his high-achieving brother and delivered a few choice words to a
fellow competitor along the way. Here comes the first insult…” That sort
of thing. But it’s too late to re-jig the whole paragraph, so it will have
to do. “Harrumph!” as CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN might say. Anyway, TOM
’HUMBLE’ HEMMANT’s outspoken sibling put in an aggressive performance at
the front of the bunch on Sunday before spin master WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER’s
high-cadence attack on lap two attracted a certain “hairy-legged
head-bobbing wally”, which it must be stressed is Joe’s personal opinion
of the hapless chap. The cutting Crewe man, who was hanging onto his
team-mate’s wheel, gave the hirsute chap a verbal lashing for “boring
everyone else out of sight”. Say what you think, pal! By the penultimate
lap, Will had to put in a massive pull on the front to ensure the race
stayed together, and the sprint saw Joe weaving from the left-hand gutter
to the right and back to the middle in typically unconventional fashion.
Unfortunately, the race was won with a few seconds in hand by Oxonian’s
Stephen Shellard – who happens to be the aforementioned “wally”. Red-faced
Joe admits: “I was gracious in defeat and was first to congratulate the
fella.” We should hope so, too!
A DOVELY FEELING
+++ Get your massage needs sorted +++
Staying with the Hemmants, the less confrontational side of the sibling
partnership has been in touch to say that his girlfriend, sports massage
therapist LUCY ‘DEMURE’ DOVE, is looking for more clients. Lucy, who is a
VTCT Level 3 Diploma qualified practitioner, is currently working at West
Thames Physiotherapy on Saturday mornings and Monday evenings…
http://tinyurl.com/324mkh. She’s also one of the Solna Avenue gang which
made such a memorable impression in Dynamo’s early days, so if you want to
stretch those knotted muscles, reduce the risk of injury, or encourage the
flow of lymphatic fluid to your nodes (and who doesn’t?), then drop her a
line at physio@westthamesphysio.com. Prices are £40 per hour or £28 per
half hour. You can’t go wrong!
WHAT A CLOCK UP
+++ British Summer Time causes kit error for Dynamo rival +++
At a post-go-karting pub lunch at the Bear in Esher, WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER
revealed that he purchased his practically custom-fitted Pinnacle frame
for only 150 smackers thanks to his cousin Ben Spurrier, who has
apparently landed a dream job with the new bike brand. Hopefully, a
Certain Major Bicycle Retailer will pay more careful attention to their
exclusive range than their rider did when packing his kit bag for
Barcombe, as he arrived at Newick scout hut in deepest East Sussex on
Sunday without his shorts. Doh! The poor lad had rushed to the 3rd cat
race having been caught out by the clocks going forward – so hats off to
resourceful ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY, who lived up to his virtuous
Dyna-moniker by whipping out a spare pair of Dynamo shorts from his
deceptively spacious Suzuki Rascal. And he would have finished one place
higher if it wasn’t for his helpful act: with two riders three minutes
down the road, Rob gave it his all on the finishing climb to finish 10th
overall after Ben edged him out on the line to nab 8th. Meanwhile, rising
Dynamo star MATT BRIDGES outclimbed the pack for a storming 3rd. If you
include Ben’s lower body, that makes two-and-a-half Dynamos in the top 10!
WRISTY BUSINESS
+++ J-Lloyd crashes at Thruxton +++
Finally, DYNAMITE! would like to offer a big get-well-soon message to
JENNY ‘J-LLOYD’ JONES, who broke her wrist at Thruxton on Sunday after a
panicking chap wobbled and took her down along with JASON ‘KEEP IT CLEAN’
GREEN. The European duathlon age group champ’s fall came 24 hours after
she had punctured at the Rudy Project TT in Bottisham, Cambridgeshire, and
rode 10 miles on a flat tub. RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS, who finished 6th
in the event, winced: “I can’t bring myself to look at her carbon rim!”
BYE AND FLY
The Sci-Con box is packed to bursting point, which means there’s just
enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue before Mrs
Dynamite points out that one of the wheels is still sitting in the
kitchen. Always remember we are your boarding pass to the fun-packed
flight, but we would be nothing without you, our electronically-generated
plane ticket. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and
gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit
your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for
Friday’s edition. And now, as we check our passport is still valid, it
only remains for us to remind you about…
THIS WEEK’S RIDES
SATURDAY 9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.
SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.
9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles
at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner
tubes, drink, and a cab to Gatwick for less than 77 sodding quid.
WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via
Weybridge, 28 miles.
So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.
The DYNAMITE! team.
The DYNAMITE! Files 
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