The DYNAMITE! Files

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #134, 23.03.07
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, light rain, 14C max, wind NE 6mph; Sun, light rain, 13C max, wind E 12mph +++
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MILTON KEYNES BAWL
+++ Cover your ears as Dynamette hurls lewd insult +++
Over the years, the ever-vigilant DYNAMITE! team has rigidly adhered to the editorial rule prohibiting the use of ungentlemanly language in this proud organ, especially if it happens to be a quote from a certain ‘Mo who puts the “Guy” into “gynaecological”. Fear of offending readers, particularly female ones, has been the chief reason for omitting rude words – so you can imagine our amazement when it emerged that leading Dynamette CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN referred to a wheel-sucking rival at the Milton Keynes Bowl by using a word that begins with “W” and rhymes with “tour”. And she wasn’t best pleased with TOBY ‘HUBBY’ BLACKMAN for spilling the beans to this publication! The quick-to-anger crit queen should have calmed down after Saturday’s race when she realised that she had won the WCRA series… http://tinyurl.com/38o63o …but in Andover, Hants, just 24 hours later, she unleashed a volley of verbal fury at a “stupid man” who knocked her front wheel at Thruxton before giving him another mouthful on the following lap of the motor circuit. Sadly, it was a different bloke wearing the same kit, although he told bemused Charlie that he usually has to “pay good money” to receive such a tongue-lashing from a woman. You mucky boy! Courteous JASON ‘KEEP IT CLEAN’ GREEN proved far more chivalrous, working at the front for the first five laps so his female team-mates didn’t have to – and the tactic helped on-form Charlie take 2nd in the women’s race while JENNY ‘J-LLOYD’ JONES nabbed the No.6 spot in her very first circuit event. Lovely stuff, ladies! Over in the E/1/2 National B race, RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS finished in the points with 11th place… http://tinyurl.com/25rxnb …although some of his fellow Dyna-men racing elsewhere didn’t have quite the same good fortune. So come with us now as we relate some of the mishaps that would have made a vicar turn the air blue. Let’s put those asterisks on standby…

DUN IN
+++ Disaster as Hayter dehydrates +++
His 2006 season was abruptly cut short by a knee injury, so it was pleasing to see WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER return to the Surrey League peloton at Dunsfold on Sunday and get into the break that would end up dominating the points at the morning’s 3rd cat race. The mountain bike maestro was showing an impressive return to form – but one of his water bottles jumped out of its cage, leading to the unlucky lad dehydrating, dropping back, and finishing right at the tail end of the bunch. Unbelievable! Determined ‘RADAR’ RUSS TURNER powered up the off-circuit finishing climb but missed out on the one remaining point on offer for 10th place… http://tinyurl.com/35a3vg …so it was left to ANDREW ‘PINKY’ GARDNER to restore some Dynamo glory by taking 12th in the Regional A 2/3 race… http://tinyurl.com/2nld72. Well done, fella!

TOTAL DISC-SASTER
+++ Callinan’s folly at windy TT +++
As honorary club president and one of Dynamo’s founding fathers, knowledgeable training guru PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN is a man who commands immense respect among many a Dyna-member – but his questionable choice of equipment for the Maidenhead and District CC time trial on Sunday proved that even a man of his standing can attempt to win a Darwin award. The Kingston killer rode along a tree-lined stretch of road in Frieth, Bucks, to the starting line of the hilly 30-miler, where his disc wheel and deep-section rim prompted the event organiser to ask if he had got his head screwed on right. A mile into the course and he realised what the race official was on about: the winds were reaching speeds of up to 36mph and had no trees to buffer them, which meant that terrified Paul was blown from one curb to the other. He reveals: “The Agiskoviner team car apparently followed me as I was good entertainment. I finished with absolutely shot nerves – the organiser thought I would be in an ambulance. I’ve learnt my lesson.” Paul came 7th among the 35 finishers, clocking in at 1:16:57… http://tinyurl.com/2g2by4. And that’s despite almost becoming a human kite!

…AND A FEW ‘MO THINGS…
+++ KIMBERLY ‘CANUCK’ KABATOFF is asking ladies who are interested in riding the Women’s Team Series races to check the race programme if they haven’t done so already… http://tinyurl.com/38xyae +++ In Long Crendon, Bucks, TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT bags a top 20 place at the High Wycombe E/1/2/3 Spring Road Race after getting into a chasing group with Colin Roshier… http://tinyurl.com/355ayc +++ PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY takes 7th at Beyond MTB E/1/2/3 race at Hillingdon… http://tinyurl.com/2pjn4r +++

EFFING OFF
We’ve got through another edition without resorting to the type of language that would make a sailor blush, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in before we hit “send” and swear the roof down because the ruddy Vic-20 has crashed. Always remember we are the Mary Whitehouse of Dynamo, but we would be nothing without you, our sensitive viewers. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we pop 10p in the swear box, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a potty mouth.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

This entry was posted on November 20, 2010 at 12:39 am and is filed under DYNAMITE! filed.