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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #133, 16.03.07
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 13C max, wind W 15mph; Sun, light showers, 10C max, wind W 14mph +++
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THREE’S FAME
+++ Trio makes club history with Surrey League clean sweep +++
As a dedicated chronicler of Dynamatic doings, there have been Dyna-moments when this humble periodical has swelled with pride at some of the club’s more notable achievements – and such an occasion took place this week when Dynamo only went and won every blimmin’ Surrey League race at the weekend. What a way to start the season! Our growing army of loyal readers will no doubt want to hear the full details of how three Dynamates scored an incredible triple victory, and judging by the forum, law-abiding DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE is eager to learn what happened when DYNAMITE! met Richmond Park’s police squad. So without further ado, come with us now as we begin with the arresting details of Dynamo’s historic clean sweep. It’s going to be a cuff one to beat…
DAVE RAVE
+++ Rusty amazed by Gardner’s solo victory +++
The scientific methods of Chris Carmichael, Edmund R. Burke and a host of other world-class fitness experts took a knock at the weekend when an awesome threesome showed that slightly more unconventional training techniques can lead to sensational wins. Reputedly spending a good deal of the off-season being his local publican’s best friend, the ever-gregarious DAVID ‘LILY THE PINKY’ GARDNER proved on Saturday he could go it alone by leaving his junior breakaway partner for dead and soloing an incredible seven miles to victory on the undulating Crowhurst course… http://tinyurl.com/2ycke7. That, Dynamates, is an early contender for ride of the year! Amazed RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT finished five places ahead of 11th-placed Dynamo newcomer MATTHEW BRIDGE in the 2/3 event… http://tinyurl.com/yweq4b …and the little fella was still raving about Dave’s performance the next day at Alfold, which provided the stage for the second act of Dynamo’s dominating performance. The 3rds race in the morning saw ANDREW ‘COALFACE’ STRONGE get in the decisive five-man break and take his first-ever win with relative ease, which earned him a hearty pat on the back from his 9th-placed pal ‘RADAR’ RUSS TURNER… http://tinyurl.com/3bdo23. Nice work, fellas! Andy, of course, had spent the preceeding months partially avoiding the usual steady training miles in favour of full-on racing – and in the 2/3 race that afternoon, fellow Hillingdon winter series fan PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY unleashed a McEwenesque, take-no-prisoners burst of power on the slightly uphill finish which bagged him 1st place in the enormous bunch sprint. His team-mate DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE came 5th… http://tinyurl.com/2cyj5h …while over in Charndon, Bucks, IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE got his season underway by taking 14th at the E/1/2 Spring Chicken… http://tinyurl.com/2bdeqm
…after pulling a frankly substandard race face… http://tinyurl.com/2syjgm. But in the midst of all this race action, spare a thought for poor old TONY ‘CHUCKLES’ SMEDLEY, who was turned away from the 3rds race at Alfold because there were no more places left. The usually-mirthful Mancunian was quietly fuming as he watched lots of eager riders warming up on rollers in the car park. To add to his ire, not one of them managed to finish. The injustice of it all!
MILTON SPLEENS
+++ Blackman vents anger at results error +++
Overjoyed Dynamette CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN let out a whoop of delight on Saturday when she finished 3rd at the latest race in the WCRA handicap series. Her hard-won podium place came as a result of pushing the intermediates until they caught the elites – but by Tuesday the quick-to-anger classics teacher was venting more fury than 300 Spartan warriors after discovering she had been mistakenly demoted to 4th in the official results… http://tinyurl.com/2aplxu. What a cock-up! Thankfully, the organisers of the Milton Keynes Bowl event have since agreed to correct the error following a firm but polite Dyna-mail from the injured party, who was particularly piqued to see Welland Valley’s Linda Hubbard listed as 2nd when she had lapped her. Charlie also revealed that her efforts to launch a couple of breaks earned her a pat on the back from “bonkers” sprint sensation Louise Mahe. Dynamo’s crit queen adds: “She has more piercings at the tender age of 17 than all the Dynamettes put together.” That “splosh” is the sound of approximately 290 Dyna-men dropping their Friday morning latte…
ARGUS CATALOGUE OF ERRORS
+++ Two crashes in Cape Town fail to stop Lloyd-Jones +++
Another Dynamette will be joining the world of circuit racing this weekend when JENNY ‘J-LLOYD’ JONES makes her debut at Thruxton following her trip to South Africa for the Cape Argus Pick ‘n’ Pay Cycle Tour – the biggest individually-timed bike race in the world… http://tinyurl.com/yole7l. The European age group duathlon champ circumnavigated two crashes along the 68-mile route to finish 32nd in the elite ladies race and 2nd out of 914 women in her age group. And it was only her second-ever road race! Jenny, who was one of 29,000 finishers in the ride around Cape Town, lost touch with the lead group after the second spill which forced her to become part of a four-strong splinter group. She says: “I need to learn how to spot people most likely to fall off a bike. Isn’t that what circuit racing is all about?” No-one has told that to the regulars at Hillingdon!
CLUES THIS?
+++ Copper rumbles ‘disguise’ at launch of park’s police team +++
Finally, secretive DYNAMITE! had its cover blown at Pembroke Lodge this week when Inspector Mark Foden correctly identified us as part of London Dynamo within a matter of seconds – even though we had arrived at the Richmond Park venue wearing jeans with the club’s jersey cleverly concealed beneath our casual jacket. The eagle-eyed copper, who shrewdly reasoned that the tall, thin figure in front of him had to be a cyclist, was hosting the official launch of the revamped squad now policing the park with input from its main user groups – the club being one of them. Social Secretary PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT is sitting on the panel which will meet once a quarter with the Safer Parks Team, so he can expect to be badgered with all your concerns once we publish his contact details closer to the date of the next pow-wow. And the meetings should prove constructive – the nine-strong crew, which includes our old pal PC Kelvin Clarke, takes a positive view of Dynamates’ contribution to the area, as do the Friends of Richmond Park and some of the other groups who attended Monday’s launch. But don’t bet on the 20mph limit being altered. Supt Derek Pollock, the unit’s deputy commander, revealed that deer deaths through collisions with vehicles had dropped “dramatically” since it was put in place, while Insp Foden dispelled the myth that the limit is unenforceable because it is on a private road. You have been warned, JOE ‘CHEEKY BEGGAR’ STEGERS!
COP OUT
The sirens are blaring in the distance, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue before the cops arrive to arrest us for gratuitous use of puns under the 1998 Wordplay Act. Always remember we are a shameful recidivist and we would be nothing without you, our upright citizens. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we are thrown into the meat wagon, it only remains for us to remind you about…
THIS WEEK’S RIDES
SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.
SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.
9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and an ASBO.
WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.
So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.
The DYNAMITE! team.
The DYNAMITE! Files 
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