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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #132, 09.03.07
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 13C max, wind W 17mph; Sun, cloudy, 14C max, wind SW 17mph +++
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CIRCUIT MAXIMUS
+++ Spills at races that would make an emperor wince +++
Perched on two-wheeled contraptions, hurtling around corners at insane speeds, and facing the ever-present threat of being whacked to the ground by another competitor, your average chariot racer in ancient Rome must have dreamed of the day when someone would invent the bicycle so he could do much the same thing in the Surrey League, but without the horses. The Coliseum’s bloodthirsty plebeians would have cheered for joy had they witnessed some of this week’s nasty pile-ups – but the imperial thumbs-up goes to a certain Latin buff who scored an impressive victory at the MoD Circuit Maximus. So let us march as one mighty legion to the first item as we reveal how she came, she saw and she conquered. Let’s go Roman barmy…
THE ROAR AND THE COOKED
+++ Exhausted fellas given a mouthful +++
The Dynamo Beginners’ Series races ended on Sunday with newcomers TORKEL DOHMERS and ROB HARROLD taking 9th and 10th respectively in the 24-mile 4th cat race… http://tinyurl.com/3b9ub8. But just as the shattered finishers began their warm-down on Chertsey’s rain-slicked Qinetic circuit, the fast-approaching ladies’ race provided a shock by yelling at them to get out of the way. You tell ’em, girls! Having raced to the line with the boys, CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN steamed off the front for the women’s final lap with Natalie Creswick from Ful-On Tri before charging up the hill to surge away from her. The Dynamette says: “Then I just got my head down and kept going.” Thankfully, she lifted up her head just as she began veering perilously close to the gravel at the side of the and gave the photographer a race face that even IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE would struggle to beat… http://tinyurl.com/29d9at. And, of course, she took 1st place… http://tinyurl.com/25mugt. Amazingly, the pedalling pedagogue had taught Louise Mahe and Charlotte Colclough a lesson at the Milton Keynes Bowl the previous day when she out-sprinted the British Cycling hopefuls to take 6th, which translated to 4th place overall after handicapping… http://tinyurl.com/27xmre. Excellent work, Charlington!
WALLY WHIMPER
+++ Dreadful conditions cause pain for Humpheson +++
It’s been an anxious seven days in the newsletter’s famous soundproof bunker as we waited for RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS to get back in contact following last week’s worrying silence. Regular readers will remember that we jokingly threatened to axe the high-achiever’s victorious nickname if he didn’t win the Redhill CC time trial – and when he didn’t drop a note to say he came 2nd, the editorial team feared he had misinterpreted the quip. In the meantime, the 1st cat fireball has achieved iconic status, in the sense that a small icon of him tucked over his tri bars now accompanies every time trial story on London Cycle Sport’s front page… http://tinyurl.com/2zo2km …and thankfully it has transpired that Richard isn’t at all angry at Britain’s top Dynamatic read. Re-establishing communication on Wednesday, he reveals: “I spat my dummy out at finishing 2nd again and forgot to write last week. I’m not a good loser!” But he is a good sport, otherwise he wouldn’t have braved the Wally Gimber E/1/2/3 race in Tenterden, Kent, which saw him brave lashing rain and crosswinds for 63 miles to bag 13th place… http://tinyurl.com/2z8j36. …after getting into the chasing group. He admits: “I went so numb I couldn’t talk, so I just dribbled.” Sadly, SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON’s efforts to help his team-mate came a cropper when he tried to break up the race on the second lap and promptly threw himself into a crater-sized pothole cleverly disguised as a puddle. The compact mechanic mangled his wheels and landed on his head while others followed him into the abyss. He says: “Several more rode into me and my bike. Chaos ensued and the bunch fragmented. Job done.” There must be easier ways to do it, though! Sam, whose elite chum WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE settled for a bunch finish, adds: “Next stop is the Jock Wadley on Sunday. Who are these guys – Jock Wadley, Wally Gimber? Maybe we should run the Ken Buist RR.” Speaking of which…
KEN WATCH!
+++ Buist returns with career change +++
He’s back, Dynamates! Back! But before relating the circumstances of his magnificent reappearance, it’s probably worth pausing to explain the significance of KEN BUIST to newer Dynamates. Kiwi Ken could accurately be described as Dynamo’s unofficial mascot whose rare appearances at club rides have been known to prompt spontaneous rounds of applause. The twist is that unlike, say, a man who dresses as a chicken and waves to the crowd at the start of a football match, very few members actually know what this particular mascot looks like, which is why DYNAMITE! has been running a semi-regular feature for the past three years chronicling every official sighting of the elusive New Zealander. This week, PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN has been in touch to reveal that Ken, in typical Ken fashion, turned up on his doorstep out of the blue waving around two bottles of wine which he uncorked once the Kingston killer invited him in. As they drained the plonk, Ken revealed he has become a photographer but declined to mention when he will make a return to the cycling scene. We live in hope!
DAD’S THE WAY TO DO IT
+++ Good news prompts Turner to start hunt for points +++
Inventing a memorable Dyna-moniker on Thursday night inevitably leads to impressed readers giving DYNAMITE! a hearty pat on the back on Saturday morning – so the editorial team are expecting to receive a few more hearty thwacks at Richmond Park now that ‘RADAR’ RUSS TURNER has revealed the unwitting double meaning in his nickname. The large-eared lad has never been shy about the substantial dish-like features sitting on either side of his head, hence the appropriate appellation which we assigned to him in issue #119. But at the Christmas Social last year, Russ casually informed us that he works for the Environment Agency, where he is responsible for the installation and maintenance of – would you believe it – the government’s vast array of radars. And it appears that he will soon find out if he can pass on the gene responsible for his Dumbo-like lugs. “That’s right,” says the former mountain biker, “I’m going to be a dad. Mrs Radar is expecting Radar Jr. in August.” Congratulations, pal! Naturally, impending fatherhood has spurred Russ to get his 2nd cat licence before the sprog drops – and he promptly opened his points account at Hillingdon on Saturday by nicking 10th in the Finchley RT 3/4 race… http://tinyurl.com/2ab3kq …following a 20-minute downpour which depleted the 72-strong field early on. The slippery surface also lead to two crashes on the final lap. You didn’t need a radar to see that one coming!
…AND A FEW ‘MO THINGS…
+++ Surrey Hills sportive announced… http://tinyurl.com/3xz3xw +++ Plucky DAVE ‘PINKY’ GARDNER lets TONY ‘CHUCKLES’ SMEDLEY take over tea stall duties so he can compete in soaking-wet Chertsey E/1/2/3 handicap – and takes 12th… http://tinyurl.com/2rfg7l +++ Slapped wrists for PETA McSHARRY and KIMBERLY ‘CANUCK’ KABATOFF after they mistakenly Dyna-mailed every member with details of the ladies’ weekend in the Isle of Wight. Apologies! +++
WRITE OFF
Our roll of parchment has almost run out, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue before we lay this scroll to one side for future historians to decipher. Always remember that we cannot go on ad infinitum without you, our sine qua non, so please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the papyrus begins to crumble, it only remains for us to remind you about…
THIS WEEK’S RIDES
SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.
SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.
9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a palimpsest.
WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.
So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.
The DYNAMITE! team.
The DYNAMITE! Files 
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