DYNAMITE! #102, 02.06.06

November 20, 2010

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #102, 02.06.06
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/ppkxg +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click the “newsletter” link +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 20C max, wind N 2mph; Sun, sunny intervals, 23C max, wind N 2mph +++

+++ Readership has decided – we’ve not lost our sparkle +++
During the past few months, this publication has developed a reputation for uncannily accurate predictions, due in no small part to giving champ-in-the-making RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS an auspicious Dyna-moniker – but the record number of Dyna-mails praising recent editions has proved that our warning of DYNAMITE! suffering an imminent dip in quality due to reaching the grand old age of 100 issues has fallen flatter than a three-week-old bottle of pop. Your favourite Dynamatic update revealed last week that Hanwell superteacher JIM ‘CLARK’ KENT reckons this is a “great newsletter”, and now affable American ED ‘THE MAN’ McKINLEY has passed this favourable judgement on issue #100: “It’s a classic! Save the original typewriter ribbon!” His words were echoed by CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN, who wrote: “Just got round – one week late – to telling you what a great newsletter #100 was, although #101 isn’t bad either! I really enjoyed the recap of those classic issues and the mention of Andy Stephenson was hilarious. Nice one!” Meanwhile, over in the United Arab Emirates, tanned ex-pat DAVID COURTNEY ‘SHEIKHER’ HATCHER said our account of his veteran buddies’ adventure up Mont Ventoux was “brilliant”, adding that he aims to be “back with a vengeance for at least the first three Parkrides in July and probably a bit of Surrey Hills action as well”. And as a downpour in London on Friday greeted the arrival of last week’s edition, cheered-up PIERS ‘PRESSURE’ STANSFIELD said: “Another excellent issue. It had me chuckling into my coffee on this miserable morning.” Glad to oblige, pal! The Sprite-ly editorial team has clearly still got its fizz – and there will be something a Lilt-le bit special later on as we look at a trio of Dynamates having a Fanta-stic time racing with a Tour de France stage winner. So come with us as we reveal how a parched ‘Mo almost ruined his bid for sportive glory by going on a hunt for a soft drink. Let’s shake it up and yank that ring-pull…

+++ Plenty of Gallic guffaws at Kenneway’s mid-race coke craving +++
An unnamed French couple who got hitched in Provence the Sunday before last got an unexpected visitor at their wedding reception when sugar-depleted GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY stumbled in off the road to beg for a can of coke. It’s lucky he didn’t get done for carb crawling! The Buistean doppelganger had neglected to bring any food for the Trophee De L’Epervier sportive… http://tinyurl.com/nv879 …and the compact killer set such a blistering pace that a vital feed station passed by in a blur, leaving him with no option but to gatecrash the family function taking place 20km from the finish where he explained his plight thus: “I am searching for sugar.” Thankfully, his dubiously-phrased French wasn’t misinterpreted (“Sugar’s not here, monsieur, but her sister Honey’s a wonderful girl”) and Gordon was soon pouring the magical, energy-giving black elixir down his grateful throat. After much laughter, back-slapping and well-wishing from his velo-crazy hosts, the lad from Londres sped off to the line, finishing 85th among the 1,200-odd competitors in the 174km race. Call the UCI – that drink was spiked!

+++ Stench of corruption at Gran Fondo +++
Meanwhile, over in Italy’s Adriatic coast during the same weekend, convicted dope importer Raimondas Rumsas won the Gran Fondo Nove Colli… http://tinyurl.com/pyohb …and TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT witnessed a flagrant breach of the rules which is bound to surprise many honest Dyna-members. The club’s quiet man, who was 138th in the 210km event with a time of 6hrs 45mins, spotted his 2nd cat chum CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN sneaking into the elite’s enclosure – but his successful ruse to be among the first 1,500 riders was not without consequence. Tom reveals: “Chapman found out that dishonesty doesn’t pay. You have to be scanned in as you enter the pen – but because he was in the wrong one, his time wasn’t recorded, so he doesn’t appear on the official results.” Doh! The high-cadence kid claims to have finished in 7hrs 25mins, but who’s going to believe him now? Certainly not LUCY ‘DEMURE’ DOVE, who kept herself removed from the corruption by doing the 140km route instead. She was living it up by the pool by the time the two fellas came back!

+++ Dynamates race with Big Mag +++
Tom’s return to the domestic racing scene on Sunday was marked by the appearance of none other than Welsh-based pro Magnus Backstedt. The towering Swede played down his presence at Castle Combe by complaining of knee trouble – but MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT admits: “He didn’t have us fooled!” Martin, who joined forces with Tom and RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS at the 31-mile National B event on the Wiltshire motor circuit, added: “To be fair, Magnus let the race take its own course – which was quick enough already. He missed the break and simply powered across on his own. Unfortunately, no-one else went with him, relegating myself and Richard to the main group.” Determined Hemmant tried in vain to make it across for the entire race and eventually managed to get off the front – but the 12th place that Martin thought Tom had bagged was given to some other bloke… http://tinyurl.com/rmb4e. What a flippin’ cheek! Undeterred, the former Solna Avenue resident turned up at Hillingdon on Tuesday and managed to take 7th after the early break he was in eventually fell back, leaving him on his own for 10 long miles. He confesses: “I thought I had 1st place in the bag but was passed less than 200m from the finish. At least I had a good post-race recovery curry in Southall afterwards.” We guess that makes him Tom Bhuna!

+++ Journey to Yorkshire bags points for Streule +++
Believe it or not, there is actually some non-Hemmant news this week! The total absence of Surrey League fixtures last weekend prompted intrepid DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE to head to Yorkshire on Sunday for the 56-mile Keith Simpson Memorial Road Race. The baby-faced boy wonder’s three-man chase group formed on the 4th lap of 14 and went on to shore up the nine riders ahead of them, forming the decisive break of 12. Dave reveals: “I was suffering a bit and I was nowhere near as strong as the previous week at the South East Champs. The guy who won last year eventually got off the front on the last lap and won again. I ended up 9th…” http://tinyurl.com/sxv6d. His impressive placing in the 2/3 race bagged the feisty Fulham resident 11 points, ten quid in the bank and a bottle of bike wash fluid. He quite literally cleaned up!

+++ First woman to cross the finish line at the T2 Duathlon at Earls Colne, Essex, on Monday was none other than Dynamette KIMBERLY ‘CANUCK’ KABATOFF, whose 40km bike time of 1:13 was six minutes quicker than the next-fastest lady +++ Delighted MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON records a much-improved personal best of 55:13 at the Charlotteville CC 25-mile time trial in Bentley, Surrey, on Saturday… http://tinyurl.com/okqjl …while PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN rode 56:47 for 17th +++ The comeback has begun – injury-hit GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL takes 13th in the 1/2/3 race at Benenden, Kent on Sunday… http://tinyurl.com/n3e42 …followed by 6th at Palace on Tuesday, with STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES three places behind him… http://tinyurl.com/mhsya +++

The last drop of sugary orange-coloured liquid has been drained from the can, which means there is just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue. Always remember that we are a medicinal-flavoured Dr Pepper and we would be nothing without you, our classic R. Whites Lemonade. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘PEPSI CHALLENGE’ BUIST to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we place the can on the ground to flatten it with one brutal stomp, it only remains for us to remind you about…


9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a carton of Um Bongo.

7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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