DYNAMITE! #84, 27.01.06

November 20, 2010

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #84, 27.01.06
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail news, views, and gossip to news@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click “newsletter” +++ Have a peek at our pics at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_personal.php?user_id=321 +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 5C max; Sun, sunny, 5C max.

Cyclefit training camp in Spain:


Alp-based training, as recommended by Cyclefit:



Limited offer – book both trips and get VIP access at the Etape.
E-mail info@cyclefit.co.uk for details.

It’s no secret that many resilient Dynamates have been reduced to weeping wrecks by the absence of a reasonably amusing Dynamatic update in their inbox during the past eight weeks – but there are going to be even more tears now this organ has finally returned to the keyboard of its trusty Vic-20. And it’s not just the excruciating puns that will cause eyes to moisten! Prepare to reach for the Andrex, sensitive reader, as DYNAMITE! reveals how an enigmatic Dynamember found love, lost love, and then phoned PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN, who laughingly broadcast the moving story to a pub in south Wales where he had just enjoyed a delicious meal with seven other ‘Mos. Anyone who has driven to a Surrey League race while experiencing the “Mills and Spoon” item on Radio 1’s Sunday breakfast show…


…will know just how tightly a tale of this emotional calibre will tug on your heartstrings – so steel yourselves as the syrupy violins fade in. Here comes the first quiver of the lower lip…

This week’s story of thwarted romance comes from a man who thought he had finally found someone special, only to discover that his dubious past was to be his undoing. His first love affair had been with his bicycle, but years of dedication to that cruellest of mistresses had taken its toll, leaving the poor guy unmotivated and unwilling to spend another winter slogging away in the freezing cold with only a sticky Go bar for comfort. Rumour was he’d put on a few pounds and, like Richmond Park on a foggy day, his heart had become a frozen wasteland. Then someone special came into his life. We’ll call her Heather, because that’s her name. Heather wasn’t like the others. She was kind, honest, some might say straight-laced, and he was attracted to her all the more for those rare qualities. Soon this lucky man – let’s call him KEN ‘BOWLED OVER’ BUIST – found himself opening up to Heather and exorcising all his demons, which included admitting that maybe Cyclefit’s fondness for upward-pointing stems had its merits. Things were going well, until one day he noticed she wasn’t looking at him the same way. Something had changed, and he wanted to know why. That was when Ken heard the words that would change his life forever. “I can’t see you anymore,” Heather told him, “because I feel I don’t know who you really are. I thought I did until I did a search for your name on Google and found out all sorts of things – things which made me question what kind of man I’d got involved with. And you can’t deny any of it, Ken, because it’s all there in blue and white on the ‘Newsletter’ section of the London Dynamo website. How you spent an evening at one of those horrible nightclubs chatting up a girl. How you swore at a woman while you were out riding because she cut you up in her car. I can’t condone that kind of behaviour, Ken. I’m sorry, but it’s over.” Ken was gutted, and ever since that fateful day, he has prayed that the love of his life would realise he isn’t a foul-mouthed sleazeball. So if you’ve tuned in again, Heather, please get in contact with him. Just one call would make the prospect of a five-hour training ride a little more bearable.

Paul, of course, was in south Wales as part of the club’s eight-strong visiting party when Ken called him on his mobile – but not even news of a fellow Dynamate’s romantic misadventure could dampen the octet’s enjoyment of the much-anticipated Newport Weekend. Glorious sunshine greeted CHRIS ‘CALAMITY’ CAMPBELL, TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT, SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON, CRAIG ‘WADERS’ LEIPER, NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK, RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT, WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE and the Kingston killer as they left Usk’s bucolic Greyhound Inn on Saturday morning for a bracing 75-mile ride, taking in the challenging gradients of Brecon along the way. Some of the steeper climbs were so remote that the panting fellas only had sheep for company! The next day, MARTIN ‘BRAVEHEART’ BUDDEN, SAM ‘SPORTIF’ WOODHOUSE, GAVIN ‘NO LYIN’ RYAN and others joined the eight ‘Mos for a three-hour session in the capable hands of coach Jon Capelin at Newport Velodrome. The group, which included at least two fixed-gear first-timers, acquitted themselves admirably on the daunting banking, and this publication will be petitioning Nick at every available opportunity to repeat the fun-packed excursion in the summer so more eager track virgins can get it up 23 feet. There are bound to be Wales of dismay if he refuses!

In keeping with the editorial team’s ongoing pledge to bring a broad mix of content to its readership, your text-obsessed Dynamatic update has entered the frightening new world of the digital image. That’s right, photo fans – you can now experience the Newport trip, the Christmas social, club hunk MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON looking dishy and GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL dramatically perched on a stool with our new picture service. Simply go to the DYNAMITE! gallery with this link…


…hover your cursor over each image to uncover a caption, and click on any of the photos for a full-size version. You can even leave a witty comment if you wish. That’s DYNAMITE! in 2006: dedicated to helping you waste even more time on the interweb!

Sadly, we didn’t have the box brownie to hand in December when IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE took the non-stopping policy on the early Sunday ride rather more literally than most by relieving himself while still on the move. Now that’s what we call expert handling! Just as impressive, although nowhere near as shocking, was ED ‘THE MAN’ McKINLEY’s round trip to Brighton, which saw him bust a spoke in rain-sodden Surrey and ride most of the way with a buckled wheel. Keen to get back in time for a business meeting, the affable American powered his way to London, tearing the legs off fellow day-trippers CHRIS ‘CALAMITY’ CAMPBELL and CHRIS ‘HOSPITAL’ WARD as they hit the home straight in Richmond Park. His Ironman in April should give him no problems! Meanwhile, ANDREW ‘LONG TIME’ STRONGE proved he can keep going all year round by taking part in the Hillingdon winter series – but he was brought down at the beginning of December in a bunch sprint which wrecked his bike, consigned his smashed helmet to the dustbin and left him with road rash. Andrew, who managed to escape another crash at the circuit last Saturday, says: “It’s getting too dangerous.” You can say that again, pal!

…that 19.29 per cent of the current membership are 4th cats, which in terms of racing licences makes them the largest group in London Dynamo? That’s just one of the many hitherto-unknown Dynamo facts brought to light by new subscriptions guru DAVID ‘SMILER’ NORRIS – and we’ll be uncovering more nuggets in the weeks to come, in addition to giving those 33 category 4 riders more details about the Dynamo Beginners’ Series which begins on February 18. They’re chomping at the bit to use those shiny new laminated BCF cards!

After finally reuniting, our love affair is finished for another week. You never write, you never call, but we ask with tear-brimmed eyes that you Dyna-mail your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘BROKEN-HEARTED’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we stare longingly at a faded Polaroid, it only remains for us to remind you about…


9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and memories of all the good times.

7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride into Surrey, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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