DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #44, 04.02.05
GRIME TIME
The chiselled cheekbones of MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON, the rugged beard of MARTIN ‘BRAVEHEART’ BUDDEN and the dazzling beam of DAVID ‘SMILER’ NORRIS are just three of the distinguished facial characteristics that have become synonymous with the best-looking bunch of pedal-pushers in the capital – but some of Dynamo’s most familiar faces looked unrecognisable on Saturday after a load of dirty stuff was sprayed all over their features. That’s right, disgusted reader – the slick surface of the MoD course helped many a rear wheel to fling up buckets of muck all over dishy Dynamates’ fabulous physiognomies. Forget Chertsey – by the time they’d finished, these fellas looked like they were in Roubaix! As always, your down-and-dirty DYNAMITE! was on hand to witness the grimy goings-on, so come with us as we reveal how the club scrubbed up well again in the second week of the season. Here comes the first splat on the Oakleys…
THREE CHEERS FOR PIERS!
This is becoming a bit of a habit! After dominating the top spots in the first Beginners’ Series event at Hillingdon, Dynamo has come up trumps for a second week running by nabbing the two highest places at Chertsey’s 4th cat race on Saturday. What a result! The 10-mile contest saw shrewd PIERS STANSFIELD forming an alliance with Dan Fortunov from Reading CC and an unidentified I-teamer after sitting at the front for most of the race. The mighty man reveals: “We agreed to work together just before the descent into the final straight – but the co-operation lasted about a minute as the I-team rider wouldn’t do any work.” That fella’s probably regretting it now! Piers hung on to Fortunov’s fortunately-placed wheel and got past him for the line as tenacious triathlete TOM LANGLEY headed for 2nd. Piers adds: “Tom must have sprinted well to get off the bunch and past Dan.” You said it, buddy! A little further back, STUART ‘POSTAL’ JEFFREYS took 6th after 9th-placed CHRIS ‘CALAMITY’ CAMPBELL bellowed encouragement – and Dynamo continued its success story later on by getting more riders into the E/1/2/3 handicap’s top 10 than any other team. Plucky ROB ‘ALL WEATHER’ TUBBS made an impressive return to racing by ferrying ‘MEDICAL’ MIKE DEBNEY to a five-man break, which included WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE, before falling back into the pack. Good work, fella! The quintet was whittled down a trio and Mike narrowly missed out on 1st place to Angliasport’s Grant Bayton while Warrick rolled in 3rd. But true to form, the Dynamatic duo’s sensational performance in the 40-mile race failed to impress Chairman ‘Mo GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS, who grumbled by the pebbled trackside that one of the pair should have forced Bayton to launch a premature attack by going up the road. Typical – there’s always a fly in his ointment!
‘MO OR NO?
As a politically correct publication, DYNAMITE! would hate to be accused of practicing gender bias – so it is with great pride that we introduce the first unidentified female Parkrider into our regular sartorial feature. The kit-less lass, who e-mail readers can see by going to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and clicking on the Newsletter link, has crossed her arms to disguise the fact that the name of the south-east’s snazziest cycle squad is not proudly emblazoned in white and orange across her frontage. You’re fooling no-one, love! But is this mystery maiden a ‘Mo or not? And if she is, then why hasn’t she picked up some of the most stylish kit in town from Cyclefit’s famous WC2 HQ? If you know the answer, then send a Dyna-mail to news@londondynamo.co.uk. We’re dying to find out!
BEARING FRUIT
Frankly, though, it seems unlikely that there will be much of a response if our appeals from previous editions are anything to go by – because not one Dynamate or Dynamette has revealed the name of any fashion transgressors who have appeared in the above feature. You lot are just too loyal! Thankfully, though, last week’s plea to discover the identity of the kind chap who did all the washing-up at the first Beginners’ Series race has borne fruit thanks to the appropriately-named CHARLES PEACH. The helpful fellow reveals: “After two weeks of DYNAMITE! not getting its ill-dressed man, it’s time for some success. I’m owning up to doing the pan-diving at Hillingdon – although I did escape for an hour while everyone else on tea and buns duty stayed at their post throughout.” You’re being too modest, pal! Many thanks to Charles for his assistance, which was completely unsolicited and an inspiration to every member who is thinking of helping out at future Dynamo-organised events. We need more like him!
WATER RELIEF
The hot, wet jet of the shower is raining down on our dirt-covered faces as we reach for a packet of exfoliating scrub. It will be another 24 hours until we have another thorough scrubbing but you will have to wait a whole seven days until DYNAMITE! comes up smelling of roses in your inbox again. Until then, always remember that we are a stubborn stain and we would be nothing without you, our handy loofa. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘SUDS’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – but PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO THIS ADDRESS if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the sudden disappearance of the hot water causes us to yelp in shock, it only remains for us to remind you about…
THIS WEEK’S RIDES
SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.
SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. 50ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a flannel.
WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Canter to Surrey and back.
So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.
The DYNAMITE! team.
THE SMALL PRINT
SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 26 – SURREY LEAGUE, CHERTSEY MoD, E/1/2/3, HANDICAP, 40 MILES: 1 Grant Bayton (Angliasport) 01:38:38; 2 MIKE DEBNEY (LONDON DYNAMO); 3 WARRICK SPENCE (LONDON DYNAMO); 4 Christopher Parlett (Gemini) +0.27; 5 IAN PAINE (LONDON DYNAMO); 6 Steve Ferguson (Team Maestro) +1.04; 7 TOM HEMMANT (LONDON DYNAMO); 8 Lee Day (Liphook); +1.21; 9 Simon Lawn (Sigma) +1.39; 10 Dan Smith (Angliasport); 11 CHRIS CHAPMAN (LONDON DYNAMO); 12 Paul Williams (Bath); 13 Dean Wilson (Kingsnorth); 14 Russell Childs (Twickenham); 15 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO); 16 Colin Peerman (unatt) +1.57; 17 Andy Norfolk (Sigma) +1 lap;
18 Matt Wall (Freerider); 19 Paul Croom (Freerider); 20 Nick Bonner (I-team);
21 ROB TUBBS (LONDON DYNAMO); 22 TOM LANGLEY (LONDON DYNAMO); 23 Richard Varian (Epsom).
4/3W/4W, 10 MILES: 1 PIERS STANSFIELD (LONDON DYNAMO); 2 TOM LANGLEY (LONDON DYNAMO); 3 Daniel Fortunov (Reading); 4 Eric Young (Hounslow and District); 5 Alan Moore (TM Racing); 6 STUART JEFFREYS (LONDON DYNAMO); 7 Jon Lewis (unatt); 8 Nichols Poag (I-team.co.uk); 9 CHRIS CAMPBELL (LONDON DYNAMO); 10= Andrew MacFarland (I-team.co.uk); 10= Bob Hatton (I-team.co.uk); 10= Joanne Long (I-team.co.uk); 10= Russell Cross (TM Racing); 10= Stuart Potts (TM Racing); 10= Sean Keith (TM Racing); 10= Ian Beston (Kingston Wheelers); 10= Matt Hinkley (Army CU); 10= ALEX BASTIN (LONDON DYNAMO); 10= Gary Smith (Angliasport); 10= CHARLES PEACH (LONDON DYNAMO); 10= ROB MOORE (LONDON DYNAMO); 10= Neil Pollock (unatt); 10= Tony Gaeen (unatt); 10= Matt Stallion (Twickenham); 10= Warren Evans (Thames Turbo); 10= DAVE CASEY (LONDON DYNAMO); 10= TOMAS KANKOWSKI (LONDON DYNAMO); 10= CHRISTIAN KINMONT (LONDON DYNAMO); 10= Len White (unatt); 30 JAMES KINNANT (LONDON DYNAMO); 31 DARREN MINSHALL (LONDON DYNAMO); 32 Maria David (Addiscombe); 33 Rachel Stanhope (Thames Turbo); 34 Julian Barnard (unatt); 35 Nick Bonner (I-team.co.uk); 36 Chris Migon (North Hampshire); 37 ZOE ARTHUR (LONDON DYNAMO); 38 Mark King (North Hampshire); 39 TANYA PERRETT (LONDON DYNAMO).
THE LAST WORD
“I often take him into the shower with me after training. He loves it and squawks when I splash him.”
The DYNAMITE! Files 
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