DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #67, 12.08.05
CHORE BLIMEY!
We’ve been avoiding it for long enough – but faced with a lull in the season, your favourite housework-shy newsletter had no choice this week but to roll up its sleeves and help Mrs Dynamite give our famous soundproof bunker a much-needed scrub. You should have seen how dirty the ticker tape machine had become, Dyanmates! Now that the dust has finally settled, we can sit down at our freshly-buffed Vic 20 and fulfil our weekly Pledge to reveal how the capital’s spotless cycle squad managed to clean up yet again – even though the amount of fixtures on the racing calendar this week was sparser than the grime in obsessive scrubber GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL’s flat. So come with us now as we polish off the points once more to give the Crystal a sparkle. Here come the Marigolds…
PALACE OF DELIGHT
Grimacing IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE really lived up to his Dyna-moniker on Tuesday as he victoriously crossed the line at the Crystal Palace E/1/2/3 event. The Dyna-masochist got into two failed breaks before launching a thigh-shredding solo attack in the dying stages – and he just about managed to hold off the galloping pack to take 1st with the effort etched on to his race-reddened face. Incredible effort, pal! Compact mechanic SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON didn’t do too badly either, taking the No.2 spot in the 3/4 race while RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON drafted into 3rd – and the ginger Aussie came 6th at another closely-contested bunch sprint at Castle Coombe motor circuit on Sunday. There’s no stopping him!
CORNER DROP
Which is more than can be said for PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN, who was well and truly stopped during a head-on collision this week. Regular readers will remember how the Dynamo race secretary was taken down at Goodwood last Sunday before coming back four days later to win the Hounslow Wheelers’ 10-mile time trial – and in a week with more ups and downs than the Ladies Mile course, he came off again at the Surrey League TT at Staplefield on Saturday. That kind of thing is only meant to happen in massed-start racing! Paul was on his way to 1st place when he went late into a turning due to a confusing signal from a race official, skidded on gravel, kept the bike upright and then looked up to see he had managed to get on the wrong side of the road with an elderly lady driving towards him. Thankfully, both parties hit the brakes and no bones were broken, although Paul landed on his hip which was already bruised at Goodwood. But in a dramatic “stop press” moment, we’ve just received news that he came 1st AGAIN at the Hounslow Wheelers TT in Chertsey with a time of 23mins 38secs last night – and that’s the fastest anyone has done it this year. So make sure you congratulate him when he gets back out on the Parkride!
NO GUY-DING PLACE
Finally, we’ve managed to uncover the identity of the cheeky member who unnerved JAMES HEATH as he slogged his way up the Aubisque during the Etape. He thought he could evade detection, but as we and CHRIS ‘HOSPITAL’ WARD suspected, the cruel quipper who wisecracked “it’s all uphill from here” as he passed James only to pull up with cramp later on was none other than club president GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS. What a surprise! Chairman ‘Mo admitted to DYNAMITE! it was he who James saw getting a massage from a French peasant – and after his calves recovered, the bellowing sergeant major hooked up with a group driven solely by none other than ED ‘THE MAN’ McKINLEY. Guy reveals: “I stayed with them for a few kilometres and then left them behind.” No turns at the front for you then, buster!
POLISHED OFF
We’ve scoured the tub of Dynamatic news to make it gleam from top to bottom – and we’ll be getting out the scrubbing brush again in just seven days. Many thanks for all your contributions – and remember that we are a plastic bucket who would be nothing without you, our Cillit Bang. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘SPRAY AND WIPE’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we put the mop back in the cupboard, it only remains for us to remind you about…
THIS WEEK’S RIDES
SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.
SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a bog brush.
WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Five laps of the park at race pace.
So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.
The DYNAMITE! team.
THE SMALL PRINT
SUNDAY, AUGUST 7 – SOUTH CYCLEFEST 2005, CASTLE COOMBE MOTOR CIRCUIT, 3/4/J/W, 43KM: 1 Simon Holt (Merlin Development Squad); 2 Scott Chalmers (Chippenham and District Wheelers); 3 Phil Finnemore (Cheltenham and County); 4 Mark Robinson (John Bikes); 5 Rob Gough (Chippenham and District); 6 RICHARD MASON (LONDON DYNAMO); 7 Steve Jones (Velo Vittesse); 8 Martin Young (Severn); 9 Luke Brashier (Basingstoke); 10 Gavin Lumb (Didcot Phoenix).
TUESDAY, AUGUST 9 – CRYSTAL PALACE LEAGUE #16, CRYSTAL PALACE PARK, E/1/2, 30KM: 1 IAN PAINE (LONDON DYNAMO); 2 Bryan Taylor (VC Londres) +0.15; 3 Brett Perez (agiskoviner.com); 4 Mike Ladbrook (Pearson Cycles); 5 Yves Milliers (Kingston Wheelers); 6 TOM HEMMANT (LONDON DYNAMO); 7 Shannon Durrant (Pearson Cycles); 8 Julian Clarke (VC Deal); 9 David Jones (Dulwich Paragon); 10 TOM DAVIES (LONDON DYNAMO); 11 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO); 12 Matt Seaton (VC Londres); 13 Mick Bell (London Fire Brigade); 14 John Sadler (Addiscombe); 15 Nigel Ling (Gemini); 16 John Scripps (VC Londres).
TUESDAY, AUGUST 9 – CRYSTAL PALACE LEAGUE #16, CRYSTAL PALACE PARK, 3/W/J, 27KM: 1 Kevin Knox (Dulwich Paragon); 2 SAM HUMPHESON (LONDON DYNAMO) +0.20; 3 RICHARD MASON (LONDON DYNAMO); 4 Graham Pearce (Brixton Cycles); 5 Jullian Cunnington (SERC); 6 Brian Randall (Sutton); 7 Max McCalla (VC Londres).
THE LAST WORD
“There are moderate forms of exercise which can be done even in the comfort of your own home. Gardening, walking, cycling, even housework can be done at a pace which makes you breathe a little harder than usual.”
The DYNAMITE! Files 
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