DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #76, 14.10.05
SNAP DECISION
It’s very rare for the country’s finest Dyna-matic news update to venture beyond the Surrey hills – and after the indignity heaped upon us at Florence airport on Monday evening, this publication is seriously considering taking a holiday in Dorking next year. Mrs Dynamite looked set to board our return flight alone when Italian officials steadfastly refused to believe the portly chap in the passport photo was the same slender figure standing on the other side of the glass. That’s what cycling does to you, amico! Our attempt to diffuse the tension with a chortle was met with stern faces and suspicious questions (“Why are you laughing? Why doesn’t this look anything like you?”) which seemed to indicate this issue would eventually be written inside a Tuscan police cell. It was only when DYNAMITE! literally raised its eyebrows to mimic the facial expression in the snap that we were able to join the first lady of the newsletter, who was laughing her head off on the other side of black line. The last time she giggled that much was when she saw the famous photo of PHIL ‘NO NONSENSE’ CAVELL shrivelled up at the top of a mountain! Having been saved by a whisker, or rather a pair of eyebrows, it’s now the turn of this humble ‘Mo-related missive to provide you with a passport to all the news from the club’s trip to Newport velodrome – but first, let’s jet back to Italy for an exclusive look at how Mario Cipollini is coping with the switch from Lion King to Lord of the Dance. Here comes the hot stepper…
LEADER OF THE GANG
As we revealed in issue #74, the most eagerly-anticipated part of our Florentine jaunt was the chance to witness Cipollini strutting his stuff from the privacy of our three-star hotel room – and the recently-retired sprinter didn’t disappoint during his appearance on Ballando Con Le Stelle 2, the Italian version of Strictly Come Dancing. Dressed in a black satin shirt, black pinstripe waistcoat, black trilby and red tie, Cipo looked like a proper pantomime gangster as he tangoed with sultry brunette Marina Aleksejeva. One of the judges, who could have been Italy’s answer to Jerry Hall, described their smouldering routine as “multo, multo sexy” and there was a moment of drama when a technical glitch with the scoreboard wiped 10 points off their total. What an insult! For a split second, the passionate former World champ looked ready to chuck his metaphorical water bottle at the nearest camera – but a speedy correction revealed they had scored of 48 out of 50, which was more than enough to beat the other seven couples. Way to go, Mario! With handball cheat and viewers’ favourite Diego Maradona quitting the series-long competition due to “grandissimo stress”, it now looks possible that Cipo is on target for his biggest win since Zolder in 2002 – and you can take a look at some sensational exclusive screenshots of last Friday’s show once this edition of the newsletter appears on the Dynamo site. Those dazzling white choppers have to be seen to be believed!
WHAT A SHOWER
Readers who click on the newsletter link at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk will also get to see race secretary PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN having a scrub during last weekend’s successful club outing in Newport – but thankfully his modesty is protected by a shower curtain. That’s a relief! Paul hopes the shot – taken by RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT, who placed 10th in last week’s London Cyclo-Cross League race – will enable newcomers to recognise him before they ask the Dynamo race secretary how long he has been a ‘Mo. The answer is: since day one! Paul, Rusty and social events co-ordinator NICK ‘BOMBSHELL’ PEACOCK took a dozen Dynamates on a rain-soaked 90-mile ride in the valleys which was followed by a busy night in the pub to prepare for their session at the velodrome the next day. How those boozers managed to stay upright on their fixeds is a mystery! The coach for the session reckoned the group was one of the best he has taken – and track debutant SAM WOODHOUSE had a baptism of fire during his introduction to the world of two-up time trialling the previous week. The intrepid 4th cat managed to do the occasional spell at the front when he partnered Paul at the Epsom CC 25 and the duo finished in 1hr 2mins – a respectable time for a TT novice. Sam reveals: “It’s the closest experience I’ll get to being paced behind a derny.” There’s no stopping the Kingston killer once his engine gets going!
LEW GRIT
And talking of massive motors, twin-piston powerhouse GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL revved up his ego after out-sprinting Heathrow-based wonderkid Lewis Atkins at the E/1/2/3 race in Ewhurst on Sunday. The 14th-placed Dynamate cooed: “Ooooh, it was good!” Guy had been in a short-lived four-man group with Bryan Taylor – but TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT got a luckier break the previous week when he stayed away with eight others to clinch 6th at the JP Sussex Border E/1/2/3 event. Excellent work! Meanwhile, in Walliswood, pony-tailed hero ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY jumped a little too early and ended up 4th in the category 3 race, taking him tantalisingly close to a 2nd cat licence. Rob reveals: “I’ll be carrying on in the Ottershaw series in pursuit of that elusive last point.” Good luck, buddy!
STAMPED OUT
The rubber stamp has come down, your papers are all in order and you are now free to board the plane. There’s just time to thank everyone for their contributions – but please remember we are a Mohammed Al Fayed and we would be nothing without you, our elusive British passport. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘VISA’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we pass through the boarding gate, it only remains for us to remind you about…
THIS WEEK’S RIDES
SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.
SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.
9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and duty free fags.
WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride into Surrey, 28 miles.
So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.
The DYNAMITE! team.
THE SMALL PRINT
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 2 – LONDON CYCLO-CROSS LEAGUE, 3RD ROUND, LANCING, SENIORS/JUNIORS/VETS/WOMEN: 1 Steven Price (agiskoviner.com) 51:12; 2 Mark Russell (Team Torqbar) 51:43; 3 Steve Hambling (VC Deal) 52:26; 4 Damian Coleman (VC Deal) 52:40; 5 Sean Williams (Vectis Offshore) 53:15; 6 Ben Lockwood (GS Invicta) 53:53; 7 Graham Rogerson (Army CU) 54:10; 8 Allister Tulett (Edwardes Elite) 54:29; 9 Craig Stevens (RCA Ciclos Uno) 56:22; 10 RUSSELL SHORT (LONDON DYNAMO) 51:19; 11 Gary Bryant (Old Portlians) 51:42; 12 Carl McDonagh (Brixton Cycles) 51:56; 13 Jon Sharpe (USE/Boreas) 52:29; 14 Kurt Warner (Team Darenth) 52:44; 15 George Higgs (Brighton Excelsior) 52:52; 16 Fraser Malloch (unatt) 52:59; 17 Chris Hughes (VC Deal) 53:41; 18 Paul Warner (Team Darenth) 53:44; 19 Adam Broyad (Cumbon Bikes) 53:51; 20 Andy Seltzer (East Grinstead) 53:55; 54 Steve Mills (PCA Ciclos Uno) 35:28.
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 2 – JP SUSSEX BORDER RR, ROWLANDS CASTLE PARISH HALL, HANTS, E/1/2/3, 120KM: 1 Garry Dodd (Sigma Sport); 2 Rob Hurd (Bioagrico); 3 Martin Smith (Milton Keynes); 4 Ben Luckwell (Maestro); 5 Dave Coulson (JE James); 6 TOM HEMMANT (LONDON DYNAMO); 7 Matt Melville (Evans Cycles); 8 Simon Brooks (VC St Raphael); 9 Dave Sinclair (i-team.co.uk); 10 Simon Lawn (Sigma Sport); 11 Gareth Hewitt (JE James); 12 Keith Jarett (i-team.co.uk); 13 Mark Sussex (Tunbridge Wells); 14 Mark Scoular (unatt); 15 Will Bundy (VC Deal); 16 Jon Wager (iBike); 17 Ray Robinson (Velocity); 18 John Glaysher (www.agisoviner.com); 19 Toby Neave (Liphook Cycles); 20 Giles Bowell (Twickenham).
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 9 – SURREY LEAGUE/OCKLEY VH, WALLISWOOD, 3/J/W, 52 MILES: 1 Andy Davies (Fit-For) 2:01:55; 2 Dave Gayler (Kenton); 3 Paul Delahunty (unatt); 4 ROB JEFFROY (LONDON DYNAMO); 5 Andrew Norfolk (agiskoviner.com); 6 Andrew Wills (VC Deal); 7 James Graham (Festival); 8 Brian Randall (Sutton); 9= Andrew McKie (South Western); 9= ANDREW STRONGE (LONDON DYNAMO); 9= Niall Brice (Pacific Racing); 12 Allan Hopkins (Redhill); 13 Tom McCall (unatt); 14 Lindsey Ruocco (VC Meudon); 15 Richard Barrowclough (Sport and Publicity); 16 Jon Masters (Redhill); 17 Tom Copeland (Fit-For); 18 Mark Snowden (unatt) @ 1 lap; 19 John Leitch (Festival); 20 Eugene Bardwell (Southdown Velo).
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 9 – SURREY LEAGUE/SIGMA SPORT, EWHURST, E/1/2/3, 61 MILES: 1 Rob Hurd (Bioagrico) 2:22:08; 2 Gary Dodd (Sigma Sport); 3 Dave Coulson (JE James); 4 Chaz Hollosi (Gemini) +0:06; 5 Matthew Melville (Evans Cycles); 6 James Holland-Leader (agiskoviner.com); 7 Gareth Hewitt (JE James); 8 Rob Enslin (Viner Bikes Agisko); 9 Stephen Gowar (Pacific Racing); 10 Nigel Carpenter (Pacific Racing) +0:23; 11 Yves Milliere (Kingston Wheelers); 12 Simon Lawn (Sigma Sport); 13 Nigel Ling (Gemini); 14 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO); 15 Lewis Atkins (Glendene); 16 Martin Smith (Milton Keynes); 17 Adrian Goatley (agiskoviner.com); 18 Mark Sussex (Tunbridge Wells); 19 Bryan Taylor (VC de Londres); 20 Lee Day (Liphook Cycles); 43 Bill Butterworth (Twickenham) +12:00.
THE LAST WORD
“Cipollini rode with a picture of Pamela Anderson on his handlebars.”
The DYNAMITE! Files 
Leave a Reply