London Dynamo Newsletter #12, 18.06.04
A WRITE RESULT!
It goes without saying that your favourite educational supplement concerning all things Dynamoid is an absolute stickler for accuracy – so there was much tutting in the Newsletter bunker after we read the provisional results list for Chertsey, which was kindly slipped under our door by PAUL ‘CALLINSHAW’ CALLINAN. The fantastic placings were, of course, all present and correct in each of the three races. But although the writing was on the wall once again for our rivals, the handwriting was unfortunately all over the place when it came to the names of certain Dynamates. Did their pre-race jitters produce an indecipherable scrawl on the signing-in sheet? Or did the race organisers play fast and lose with the odd vowel and consonant as they scribbled by the finish line? Whatever the cause, some of Dynamo’s finest have been saddled this week with monikers so bizarre they make our Race Secretary’s accidental alter-ego – reproduced above and present in many race results last year – seem positively sane. So, in the manner of a stern teacher who has had quite enough of this carelessness, it has become our duty to write out the correct spellings of each syntactically-mangled rider, while drawing attention to each comical pseudonym between the inverted commas usually reserved for their jokey nickname. Now where did we put that board duster…
MoDS AND SHOCKERS
One lucky Dynamate who escaped scot-free from this week’s messy name pile-up at the Chertsey Ministry of Defence circuit was 3/4/J race winner ‘MEDICAL’ MIKE DEBNEY. The doctor-in-waiting nailed the sprint with surgical precision thanks to ever-dependable lead-out man JOHN ‘JON’ OLDRIDGE, who also came 10th in Newdigate last Thursday. Mike’s great finish more than made up for his brave, short-lived, two-man breakaway early on in the 80km race – so you can have the London Dynamo Newsletter Result Of The Week Dictionary on us, mate! And triumphant Dynamates sent shockwaves through the south-east cycling scene by bagging more places in the top 10 than any other club, with Hillingdon masochist RORY ‘ROY’ PARK clinching 6th while ADAM ‘HOBBS’ DOBBS nabbed 4th. Now that’s teamwork! The beefy Antipodean seemed to spend most of the race yo-yoing from the back to the front – and despite their well-rehearsed plans, CHRIS ‘MADDOCKS’ HADDOCK couldn’t quite grab the wheel of his Richmond Park training buddy in the closing strait. But the thirsty lad, who was making his return to racing after taking the runner-up spot at the Hillingdon Beginners’ Series back in February, still managed to pull off a respectable 18th place. Have a well-earned drink, Chris – it’s our round! Meanwhile, former mountain biker RICHARD DOLBY entered the 3rd cat world of pain by taking 2nd in the 4/W/J bunch sprint, while his plucky flatmate CHRIS CHAPMAN came 19th. True to form, CHRIS ‘CALAMITY’ CAMPBELL finished 12th in the 50km race after misjudging the final climb – but at least his rear wheel came in handy when PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN got a puncture in the E/1/2 competition. The Merlin-riding wizard was back in the bunch after a one-lap pit stop and he coasted past the line at the back of an eight-man breakaway which included big-hitter Paul Pickup along with the glamorous-sounding Brett Perez. Their names weren’t spelled wrong – the race organisers wouldn’t dare!
REMNANTS OF THE DAY
A notable omission from Chertsey’s starting line-up was TOM HEMMANT, who had chosen to enjoy the warm weather at some sort of social gathering instead of slogging his guts out with flatmates RICHARD DOLBY and CHRIS CHAPMAN. He must be insane! Yet Dynamo’s fast-rising star proved he wasn’t immune to the spate of appellation abominations after he came 4th at Crystal Palace this week. Regular readers will already know that the frequently-misspelled rider has recently been listed as Tom Heuman and Tom Hemnaun on London Cycle Sport. Now, as Dynamette LUCY DOVE and Cyclefit’s JULIAN WALL point out, the same website has reduced him to a mere Tom Remnant in their report on Tuesday’s race. The man himself points out: “I did get offered handwriting classes at school when I was 14.” You should’ve taken them, pal! The Newsletter hopes Tom can stop his name mutating before it becomes Tim Henman. He’ll never win anything again!
IF THE NAME FITS…
The last word on starting-sheet slip-ups goes to Macklin Street fitting Guru JULIAN WALL, who is keen for his Covent Garden firm to get maximum exposure. The Cyclefit co-boss asks: “When members fill in their entry forms could they please make sure they write ‘Cyclefit’ after London Dynamo please.” And that, as they say, was a message from our sponsor!
TRI-ING TIME
Another Dynamate who preferred to live it up on Saturday instead of putting in a good day’s racing was twin-piston powerhouse GUY ‘GARY POUDRILL’ POWDRILL. The towering triathlete, who spent the weekend on a boozy stag outing in the Isle of Wight, is currently in training for the Ironman event in Switzerland on July 25. He reveals: “I estimate a finish time of between 10.5 to 11 hours. It’s going to be a long day of pain.” But Guy appears to be right on course for success in the land of hole-filled cheese after posting a time of 4hrs 38mins in the Weymouth half-ironman, which put him in 31st place in a field of 350 competitors. Lovely stuff! He may want to take a few tips from MARTIN WILLIAMSON, though – Dynamo’s pin-up placed 20th overall out of a staggering 1500 at the Windsor triathlon on Sunday in a time of 2hrs 9mins. It doesn’t get much better than that!
KEN WATCH!
Media-savvy Dynamates are probably well aware of what recently happened to a certain editor when he ran a series of hoax photographs, so we’re going to tread very carefully with this one. If you’re reading this in glorious web-o-vision on the Dyanmo site – and let’s face it, which trend-conscious Dynamate doesn’t these days – then you can decide if RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT’s pic of the reclusive KEN BUIST at Euro 2004 is genuine or a hoax. Quite why the elusive Antipodean would be cycling on a football pitch is beyond us – but then again, this is Dynamo’s famously unpredictable renegade we’re talking about!
BEASTLY BUSINESS
Finally, a quick reminder about Beastway. GUY ANDREWS, who came 12th at Crystal palace on Tuesday, needs another two more volunteers to marshal the MTB race on Wednesday – and he ordered us to “threaten the membership with my wrath if they don’t turn up.” Oo-er! And PAUL CALLINAN says: “I want our club to put something back in not just flood the start line of every race this season.” Crikey! Email martin.budden@symbian.com to register if you would like to help out at Eastway from 6.30pm. You’ll make two grumpy men very happy!
HERE ENDETH THE LESSON
The alarm bell signalling the end of the day’s final period has rung, and already the kids are stampeding away from their desks toward the classroom door. No doubt they are looking forward to getting home and tucking into a hearty evening meal of beans and toast, coupled with a fizzy bottle of pop before the nightly chore of homework. Many thanks for all your contributions this week, and remember – we are the prestigious educational establishment, but we would be nothing without you, our diligent, gifted students. So please send us your news, gossip and sightings of KEN BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk. There’s no racing next weekend and the Newsletter is off on its holidays for a week, which means our next issue will be somewhat on the slender side. The deadline – and this is IMPORTANT, so pay attention, class – will be 6PM on SUNDAY, JUNE 20 for the following Friday’s edition. Is that clear, children? And now, as we climb into our beige Morris Minor in the teacher’s car park, it only remains for us to remind you about…
THIS WEEK’S RIDES
SATURDAY The Parkride. Richmond Park, Roehampton Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups. Anyone who wants to lead a group should leave a message at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/viewforum.php?f=21. In a dramatic “Stop Press” moment, we’ve received intriguing news from GUY POWDRILL tonight which may affect future Parkrides. He reveals: “I was stopped and charged for speeding in Richmond Park – 42mph at the bottom of the descent.” They don’t call him the Engine for nothing! Guy adds: “The PC told me to spread the word to my cycling colleagues that the speed limit must be adhered to or else.” Oh dear! We sense the long arm of the law may not have heard the last of this…
SUNDAY Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. 50ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and six bags of marbles for each side pocket. WEDNESDAY Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Steady two-hour ride to Surrey and back.
So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.
London Dynamo Newsletter.
THE SMALL PRINT
THURSDAY, JUNE 10, – SURREY LEAGUE HANDICAP, NEWDIGATE, E/1/2/3/4/J, 60KM: 1 Mike Ladbrook (Pearson Cycles) 1:20:45; 2 Anders Christensen (VC Meudon); 3 Geoffrey Lulham (Evans Cycles); 4 Nigel Carpener (Pacific Racing); 5 Scott Bugden (Pearson Cycles); 6 Ken Prince (Pearson Cycles); 7 Marcus Brueton (Norwood Paragon); 8 Neil Whelan (Southborough & District); 9 Andrew Seltzer (East Grinstead); 10 JOHN OLDRIDGE (LONDON DYNAMO); 52 Paul Tunnell (Addiscombe).
SATURDAY, JUNE 12 – SURREY LEAGUE AT CHERTSEY MoD, PROVISIONAL RESULTS, E/1/2, 100KM: 1 Paul Pickup (Liphook); 2 Jamie Higgins (Sigma Sport); 3 Lee Day (Liphook); 4 Brett Perez (Freerider); 5 Andrew Eagles (unatt); 6 Steve Skuse (Kingsnorth); 7 Dave Larcombe (VC Meudon); 8 PAUL CALLINAN (LONDON DYNAMO); 9 Matt Rugman (Kingsnorth); 10 Stuart Heade (Sigma Sport); 11 Chris Parlett (Gemini BC); 12 Dominic Eshellan (Angliasport); 13 Jim Mcmanus (Interbike); 14 Matt Miles (Triangle); 15 John Sadler (Addiscombe); 16 Ed Graefe (Economic Energy); 17 Brett Tracers (Glendene CC); 18 Adrian Goatley.
PROVISIONAL RESULTS, 3/4/J, 80KM: 1 MIKE DEBNEY (LONDON DYNAMO); 2 Eduardo Remedios (unatt); 3 Alan Parkinson (South Western); 4 ADAM DOBBS (LONDON DYNAMO); 5 Rudie Marais (De Vere Cycles); 6 RORY PARK (LONDON DYNAMO); 7 Colin Bateman (Festival); 8 Ralph Swallow (South Western); 9 Jimmy Finish; 10 Chris Howard (Southboro & Dist); 11 Toni Bond (Worthing Excelsior); 12 Philip Glowinski (V C Londres); 13 Yves Milliere (Kingston Wheelers); 14 Scott Amorv (Gemini); 15 JOHN OLDRIDGE (LONDON DYNAMO); 16 Alan Hainsworth (Beyond MTB); 17 Erol Mustafa (dBennett Training); 18 CHRIS HADDOCK (LONDON DYNAMO); 19 Paul Williams (Bath Road Club); 20 Neal Marrin (Finsbury Park); 21 Wayne Smith (Tri and Run); 22 Graham Kinsey (Farnborough); 23 Andy Mickie (South Western RC); 24 Steve Cave (34th Nomads); 25 Rela Gorjestani; 26 Ian Middleton (Didcot Phoenix); 27 John Leitch (Festival) ; 28 CARLOS CONCEICAO (LONDON DYNAMO); 29 Michael Farrington (VC Meudon); 30 Brian Tidey (Addiscombe).
PROVISIONAL RESULTS, 4/W/J 50KM: 1 Robin Basford (unatt); 2 RICHARD DOLBY (LONDON DYNAMO); 3 Matthew Gallagher; 4 George Thomas (In-Gear); 5 Jon Poynter; 6 Russell Childs (Twickenham); 7 Paul Restall (RV CC); 8 Neil MacLennan (Team Corridori); 9 Dave Pook (Pearson Cycles); 10 Ian Butler (Abergavenny); 11 Anthony Miller (Glendene); 12 CHRIS CAMPBELL (LONDON DYNAMO); 13 Marek Glowinski (Anerley BC); 14 Brian Thompson (Addiscombe); 15 David Motton (Kingston Wheelers); 16 Ian Collins (Kingston Wheelers); 17 Eric Young (Horsham); 18 John Haschka (Freerider); 19 CHRIS CHAPMAN (LONDON DYNAMO); 20 Kevin James (Mid Sussex TRI); 21 Nick de Sanda (Kingston Wheelers); 22 Graham Sheridan (Kingston Wheelers); 23 Marc Adam (Freerider); 24 Anthony Fleck (TRI London); 25 Murray Newman (Epsom CC); 26 Eugene Bardwell (Southdown Velo); 27 Geraldine Glowinski (Anerley).
TUESDAY, JUNE 15, CRYSTAL PALACE, E1/2: 1 Simon Cope (Team Edwardes); 2 Roger Morgan (Parrot Print) + 2 secs; 3 Bryan Taylor (VC Londres) + 45 secs; 4 TOM HEMMANT (LONDON DYNAMO); 5 Brett Perez (Freerider); 6 Matt Rugman (Kingsnorth Int); 7 Paul Mill (Team Edwardes); 8 Dave Worthington (VC Prestige); 9 John Sadler (Addiscombe); 10 Nic Cheetham (Dulwich); 11 Matt Seaton (VC Londres); 12 GUY ANDREWS (LONDON DYNAMO), all s.t.
The DYNAMITE! Files 
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