London Dynamo Newsletter #19, 06.08.04
FIVE…
…minutes were all that lay between him and certain doom as he stood at the foot of a mountain in a glamorous foreign location, desperately hoping for help to arrive. And now, like a thrilling episode of a certain 1960s puppet-based drama serial that has just been turned into a movie, with film posters designed by none other than Dynamo’s very own RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT, the Newsletter can reveal how ALEX ‘BUSTED’ BASTIN was rescued in the Etape after becoming stranded at the 55km mark. Loyal readers will already know that ‘BIG ED’ RAYNARD spotted Alex with a puncture – so we were anxious to learn if he managed to complete his arduous adventure. Now the mystery is finally solved! The man himself has confirmed that he made it to St Flour, despite getting his rain jacket caught in his rear brake, locking the rear wheel and burning a three-inch hole in the tyre. Alex adds: “I had a 40-minute wait for Mavic assistance to pitch up with the cheerful news that the broom wagon was only five minutes behind. It turned into a very hard, long solo effort to the finish 183km away – but at least I didn’t walk up the Puy Mary!” Well done, that man! With that awe-inspiring story safely concluded, the Newsletter can finally declare that our tales dynamique du Etape est finis, as the French almost certainly do not say. Now it’s time to turn our attentions to matters closer to home, as there are just…
FOUR…
…days to go until London Dynamo hosts what many clubs are calling the event of the summer – and your response to our pioneering campaign to get 12 ‘Mos a-marshalling at Hillingdon has been impressive to say the least. There’s still time to join the ever-growing army of volunteers, so bang out an email to news@londondynamo.co.uk with “DUTY DOZEN” in the message body if you fancy helping out with this Tuesday’s races at the west London circuit. The Dyna-management will send you all the details – and you might even get to witness elite superstar WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE tearing up the opposition in the E/1/2/3 race, just as he did this week on his “awesome” brand-new Serotta Legend Ti ST. You’re gonna get some jealous stares, pal! And as Warrick nailed 2nd in the rain-soaked race, up-and-coming Dynamo CHRIS ‘CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN opened his BCF points account with 3rd place in the 4/W/J competition. Always keen to shine the spotlight on others, Chris’s flatmate TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT reveals: “He was in a break and was unlucky to only come third. There was some confusion over when the race finished as it got a bit mixed up with the E/1/2/3 race. Chris led the other two all the way down the back straight as they thought there was another lap to go.” Another brilliant piece of Hillingdon chaos! Meanwhile, on the other side of town the very same night, Tom found out that bad luck really does come in groups of…
THREE…
…when he hit the deck at Crystal Palace. It was his third crash in a row, leaving him in “a bit of a mess” and forcing him to cancel a knobbly-tyred showdown with his pal Chadders at Beastway the following evening. Everyone at the Newsletter, including Mrs Newsletter and Sash the Unofficial Newsletter Cat, hopes he’s not too badly damaged. The Parkride just isn’t the same without his pimpin’ white Dynamo shorts! But for now we’re going to wipe away the painful thoughts of road rash and lift the mood with a heart-warming story of…
TWO…
…very lucky people who were joined in matrimony last weekend. Literally several Dynamettes will be heartbroken to hear that Cyclefit hunk PHIL ‘NO-NONSENSE’ CAVELL tied the knot in Windsor on Saturday. Congratulations, mate! Dynamo’s elder statesman is currently honeymooning in Tuscany with the lovely Donna – and in his absence, Phil’s business partner JULIAN ‘WONDER WHY I BOTHER’ WALL has come up with some exclusive special offers. Here’s the little man himself to smear the grubby hand of commerce all over our romantic tale. Take it away, Julian! “Thanks, Chris. Available exclusively to London Dynamo members for at least a fortnight, Cyclefit is giving away a sexy shoe bag with every pair of Carnac shoes purchased. These beautifully-constructed cordura shoe carriers are a must-have accessory this summer. And Carnac Equinox shoes are reduced from £130 to £94.99 for a limited period only at Cyclefit – plus you get the FREE Carnac shoe bag. Equinox have the same ratchet retention system as the Matrix shoe (price £150) and are also very stable and supportive. They would also make a good winter training shoe, preventing your white Quartzes from turning a horrible shade of grey by November.”
Alright, alright, pal – you’ve made your point! Speaking of which, disaster-prone Danger-mo CHRIS ‘HOSPITAL’ WARD only needed…
ONE…
…point to get him a 3rd cat licence – and he was amazed to pick up two at Dunsfold last Wednesday. The Dynamate famous for his “creative” bike handling skills was kept well out of harm’s way after the E1/2/3 race split from the 3/4s on a climb. Chris soon found himself clawing his way to the finish on his own with 50-odd miles to go and contemplated throwing in the towel – but thankfully the international man of leisure stuck it out and took 9th. He didn’t even know he was in the running for a place!
THUNDER ‘MOs ARE GONE!
Our moderately amusing Dyna-monologue has once again rescued the somewhat serious south-east cycling scene from a sense of humour failure. With our mission complete, all that remains is for us to climb into our nuclear-powered Thunderbird 3 and blast off to the TB5 mothership, where PAUL ‘VIRGIL’ CALLINAN is monitoring distress signals from grimacing Richmond Park cyclists who are desperate for a few laughs. We’ll be back next week for another episode – so until then, remember that we are your trusty, dutiful Parker, but we would be nothing without you, the Brains of the operation. So please send us your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as Paul flicks a switch that opens the docking bay hatch, it only remains for us to remind you about…
THIS WEEK’S RIDES
SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, Roehampton Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups. There’s a bit of a change planned for this week. After last Saturday’s huge turnout, the Dyna-management has decided it is becoming increasingly impractical to congregate on the pavement. So from this Saturday, we’ll be meeting in the car park next to Roehampton Gate. Keep an eye out for more details posted on the forum – and, as ever, anyone who wants to lead a group should leave a message at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/viewforum.php?f=21.
SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. 50ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and… a massive surpise! The mysterious KEN BUIST got a huge round of applause when he made an unexpected appearance at last week’s sweltering ride. And guess what the position-obsessed perfectionist spent ages discussing with PAUL ‘ALL-BLUE’ HARKNETT? That’s right – the adjustable stem on Paul’s Pinarello! That’s our Ken!
WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Steady two-hour ride to Surrey and back.
So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.
London Dynamo Newsletter.
THE SMALL PRINT
TUEDAY, JULY 27, BC WEST THAMES/SLIPSTREAMERS CIRCUIT RACE, HILLINGDON, E/1/2/3, 65KM: 1 Tony Gibb (Plowman Craven RT); 2 P. Crook (Angliasport/Condor RT); 3 B. Crawforth (Evans RT); 4 V. Halpern (Twickenham CC/Evans); 5 A. Rigg (PrestigeVC/Viner); 6 M. Wilmott (Tm Quest/The Bike Shop); 7 M. Bruce (unatt); 8 M. Quill (Team Milton Keynes/Corley); 9 RUSSELL SHORT (LONDON DYNAMO); 10 C. Denman (Beyond Mountain Bikes).
4/W/J: 1 Chris Salt (Kingston Wheelers); 2 H. Vivian (Finsbury Park CC); 3 J. Gatenby (PM); 4 A. McIntyre (RNRMCA); 5 G. Pettit (Hillingdon CC); 6 N. Robertson (Addiscombe CC); 7 Jessica Stoddart (Interbike RT); 8 J. Nicholls (Thames Velo); 9 HUGO CANO (LONDON DYNAMO); 10 M. Slaney (Westerley RC); 11 N. Wragg (High Wycombe CC); 12 N. Robertson (Oakham CC); 13 O. Peleg (Sport And Publicity); 14 M. Philpot (Hemel Hempstead CC).
WEDNESDAY, JULY 28, SURREY LEAGUE/TWICKENHAM CC CIRCUIT RACE, DUNSFOLD, 3/4, 54 MILES: 1 Gary Fry (Team Quest); 2 A Lambert (Team Economic Energy); 3 Hugo Robins (Archer RC); 4 Neil MacLennon (Team Corridori); 5= P. Martin (Easterley RC); 5= Colin Bateman (Festival RC); 7 Martin Snow (East Grinstead); 8 Richard Varian (Epsom CC); 9 CHRIS WARD (LONDON DYNAMO).
TUESDAY, AUGUST 3, BC WEST THAMES/HARP RC CIRCUIT RACE, HILLINGDON, E/1/2/3, 60KM: 1 Lewis Atkins (Ciclos Uno); 2 WARWICK SPENCE (LONDON DYNAMO); 3 J. Stewart (London Irish); 4 R. Morgan (Parrot Print); 5 M. Wilmot (Team Quest/The Bike Shop); 6 D. Hair (Ciclos Uno); 7 R. Fallon (Addiscombe CC); 8 P. Gettins (Economic Energy).
4/W/J, 45KM: 1 Tom Smith (Twickenham CC/Evans Cycles); 2 N. Robertson (Addiscombe CC); 3 CHRIS CHAPMAN (LONDON DYNAMO); 4 G. McMillan (Kingston Wheelers); 5 C. Bradbury (Palmer Park Velo); 6 A. Khandenwal (Addiscombe CC).
The DYNAMITE! Files 
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