The DYNAMITE! Files

London Dynamo Newsletter #30, 22.10.04

HAMMER TIME
In less than seven months, your one-stop shop for all Dynamatic reports has established itself as one of the interweb’s most trusted news sources – and now the Newsletter is set to become even more popular by transforming itself into the kind of marketplace that is already a huge hit in cyberspace. That’s right, bargain-hunting reader – we are hosting an internet auction which is only open to the capital’s thriftiest cycling club! The item going under the hammer – and we’re not making this up – will allow you to rub shoulders with the biggest names in cycling at one of the most exclusive bashes in the sporting calendar. So come with us to the crowded floor of the auction room as we get this incredible sale underway. Here comes lot number one…

A LITTLE BID SPECIAL
…which is an exclusive invitation to the official 2005 Tour de France presentation. They don’t get much bigger than this, Dynamates! The swanky annual event sees TdF boss Jean-Marie Leblanc unveiling the route of the biggest race on Earth to a specially-invited audience, including Lance Armstrong and a smattering of other Tour big-hitters. We’re excited just typing it out! For your chance to get your hands on this VIP ticket, go to the forum on the Dynamo website where you should find a thread for you to place your bid. The Newsletter will start the bidding at £1 – but we expect to get at least twice that amount as the money will be going to Lance’s cancer foundation. The bash takes place at 11am in Paris this Thursday – and you’ll have to pretend to be Cyclefit boss JULIAN ‘WONDER’ WALL because his name is on the invite. There’s always a catch!

IT’S A WRAP
Julian’s pony-tailed protÈgÈ WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE was the star of the show at the Old Deer Park in Richmond on Saturday when he was filmed for a forthcoming TV programme on the supposed dangers of getting a floppy wotsit through cycling. In our opinion, he was probably more likely to get his gentleman’s area numbed by the inclement conditions – talk about brass monkeys! The carefree Kiwi had a huge green wire stuffed down his bib shorts, which was apparently a means of taking his temperature, as shivering ‘Mos MARTIN ‘BRAVEHEART’ BUDDEN, CHRIS ‘CALAMITY’ CAMPBELL, ‘MEDICAL’ MIKE DEBNEY, NICK ‘BOMBSHELL’ PEACOCK, RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT, STUART SPIES, ANDY ‘LISTEN UP’ STEVENSON and MIKE ‘SCAMP’ WALLACH waited for their cue. For reasons best known to the programme makers, Martin was cajoled into wearing a kilt. His sturdy, unshaven legs are sure to thrill ladies across the nation! Tune in to So You Think You’re Fit on Sky One on December 9 to see the fame-hungry octet larking about by the river with former Top Of The Pops presenter Liz Bonnin. Hopefully, the feeling will have returned to their frozen hands by then!

SICK AS A GARRATT
Queasy does it, pal! Happy fella DAVID ‘SMILER’ NORRIS had the beam temporarily wiped off his face after a dramatic bunch sprint at Goodwood on Sunday. The Teddington titan pull out all the stops to clinch 2nd in the 50km 4/W/J race – but the shattered chap had to stop mid-way through his warm down lap to throw up. Now that’s what we call a big effort! Sadly, perennial No.2 MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT wasn’t able to get another 2nd place finish, despite trying to get a break going with hirsute hero ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY. The Chelsea chappie, who mustered a respectable bunch finish after getting repeatedly chased down, says: “It was as if the entire bunch was policing a phantom break which never actually existed.” Sounds like you didn’t stand a ghost of a chance, buddy!

SOLD!
The man with the hammer has brought his small wooden implement down with a bang and a member of the crowd is beaming happily in the knowledge that he has purchased an undistinguished bronze statuette for the price of a small car. There’ll be another round of bidding in a moment – and your favourite Dynamesque journal will be back in just seven days. Until then, please remember that we are an effervescent Tim Wonnacott, but we would be nothing without you, our suave David Dickinson. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘FINAL OFFER’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – but PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO THIS ADDRESS if you are reading this on email. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the men in overalls carry the next lot to the stage, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout at Sheen Gate, 9am. The usual format – four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups – is likely to change due to road works by Robin Hood Gate. Check the forum for updates. Anyone who wants to lead a group should leave a message at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/viewforum.php?f=21.

SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. 50ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a surreptitious nod.

WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Canter to Surrey and back.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

London Dynamo Newsletter.

THE SMALL PRINT…
…will be back as soon as British Cycling puts 50p in the meter.

This entry was posted on November 21, 2010 at 2:02 am and is filed under DYNAMITE! filed.