London Dynamo Newsletter #29, 15.10.04

November 21, 2010

London Dynamo Newsletter #29, 15.10.04

…because as every dedicated Dynamate knows, the weekend is where club life really takes off with two terrific rides featuring a host of glittering stars, including GUY ‘TOP BILLING’ ANDREWS, MIKE ‘ANECDOTE’ DEBNEY and our very special guest RUSSELL ‘RACONTEUR’ SHORT. Now that, ladies and gentlemen, is what we call a show! And tomorrow’s Parkride is going to be an extra-special episode of your favourite fun-packed programme because London Dynamo is due to receive a visit from the glittering world of television. That’s right, dazzled reader – after many weeks of top-level behind-the-scenes negotiation, the makers of Chris Evans’ former chat show have agreed to come to Richmond Park, where they will point their cameras at London’s most telegenic pedal-tappers. So take a seat on our leatherette banquette as we reveal how you can freewheel your way onto the gogglebox. Here comes the opening monologue…

Pony-tailed point-gobbler WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE is a man who never flinches from a challenge – and it’s a credit to his spirit of adventure that the kinky Kiwi has agreed to have an implement shoved down his shorts, all in the name of science. The Cyclefit technician is taking part in a show being made by Ginger Television which aims to discover if cycling can cause impotency – and apparently the best way to gauge if Mr Droopy will be paying a visit is to measure your body temperature with a thermometer in your gentleman’s area. At least that’s what the producers told him! The TV bigwigs are also looking to film about 15-20 dashing Dynamates – and that, of course, is where YOU come in. If you fancy being seen by literally quite a few people in a forthcoming show on Sky, then meet up with RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT at the roundabout by Sheen Gate after this Saturday’s Parkride. The filming, which will take 45 minutes to an hour, is due to start at 10.30am, so the Parkride may be three laps instead of four. You can help Rusty by signing up for the event of the season on the forum – and, naturally, you MUST wear your cracking Dynamo kit for the occasion. Talking of which…

We were chewing the fat with cheeky Chelsea chappie MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT at the end of last Saturday’s ride – and the ever-observant fella noticed that the number of riders turning up in Dynamo’s distinctive outfits seems to be steadily increasing each week. But that’s still not good enough, Dynamates! The Newsletter won’t be happy until Richmond Park is covered in a sea of blue, black and orange each Saturday – so get yourself down to Cyclefit where gentlemen’s outfitter JULIAN ‘WONDER’ WALL will be able to provide you with the capital’s most stylish lycra at a highly competitive price. Even perennial Lotto-Domo advocate ANDY ‘LISTEN UP’ STEVENSON has got kitted up now, so there’s no excuse!

There are a few Dyna-members who are exempt from our stern clothing directive – principally because they can’t squeeze their “differently-shaped” physiques into the limited range of sizes available. Blame Pro Vision, not us! One of these larger lads is strapping rower ANGUS ‘PADDLER’ MACALISTER, who had a great result off the bike last week with his double-scull partner Julian Geluk. The water-loving warrior won the Pairs Head Of The River rowing race, which he describes as “a measly 4km from Mortlake to Hammersmith”. Measly to you, pal – we wouldn’t like to try it! Angus, whose 2-second victory over Olympians Alan Campbell and Tom Stallard got him a mention in the Times, reveals: “Now that I’m back in the boat and the gym rather than on the bike, I’m also wondering if any Dynamates want to have a go at rowing at my rowing club too.” Dyna-mail us at if you’re interested and we’ll pass on your messages. Masochists, form an orderly queue!

But if you don’t fancy slogging it out on the Thames during the off-season, then there’s always the Cyclefit training camp to look forward to. The Newsletter has been having a natter with the Macklin Street maestros – and we can exclusively reveal that March’s Mallorcan jaunt will be significantly cheaper than last year’s trip with a choice of three- or four-star accommodation available for the first time. That, we’re afraid, is all we have managed to glean – but rest assured there will be more news as we get it, Dynamates!

While we were in the Covent Garden bike boutique, WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE told us about an unfortunate incident involving GUY ‘CAPTAIN MAINWARING’ ANDREWS. The club’s commander-in-chief wanted to bring his time trial bike to Cyclefit so they could sell it – but he was hit by a car on the way to the shop. Bad luck, pal! Apparently Guy managed to get off the bike before it was hit, so we assume it was just his Merckx Flyer that was damaged. Let us know if you’re OK, mate – the Parkride won’t be the same without your fearsome orders!

Finally, we’ve reached the part of the Newsletter that really matters – the racing. And we’re delighted to announce a second magnificent result for MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT. The lanky lad finished 2nd on the unforgiving Cutmill course – and he admits: “A hill finish makes things so much simpler, doesn’t it?” Speak for yourself, chum! Hirsute hero ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY also put in a good race by getting into the two main breaks before finishing 10th in the 3/4/W/J contest. But it was CHRIS ‘CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN who had the toughest time of all after his chain came off and jammed the rear mech at the end of the third lap. Chris reveals: “I had to get off the bike and free the chain. It took a couple of minutes but obviously that’s quite a long time in the race.” Dramatic stuff! The resolute redhead spent more than a lap playing catch-up before reaching the bunch, fighting his way to the front and eventually finishing 14th. Give that man an extra-large bidon of Rego – he deserves it!

…and we really hope you can join us at the same time next week for more cheeky chat relating to all your Dyna-marvellous deeds. Until then, please remember that we are a gabbling Gabby Roslin and we would be nothing without you, our level-headed Terry Wogan. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive ‘PAR-KEN-SON’ BUIST to – but PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO THIS ADDRESS if you are reading this on email. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as Ronnie Hazlehurst and his delightful orchestra strike up our familiar theme tune, it only remains for us to remind you about…


The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout at Sheen Gate, 9am. Four – or three – laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups. Anyone who wants to lead a group should leave a message at

Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. 50ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a boom mic.

Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Canter to Surrey and back.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

London Dynamo Newsletter.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 10, Surrey League Road Race, 3/4/W/J 80KM: 1 James McVey (Kingston Wheelers); 2:01:00; 2 MARTIN GARRATT (LONDON DYNAMO); +0:10; 3 Gavin Morton (Charlotteville); 4 Alan Hainsworth (Beyond MTB); 5 Roger Smith (VC Etoile); 6 Matthew Sidford (Severn RC); 7 Michael Farrington (VC Meudon); 8 Colin Tamon (Tunbridge Wells); 9 Gavin Buckley (VC Meudon); 10 ROB JEFFROY (LONDON DYNAMO); 11 Paul Douglas (Luton); 12 Jake Lockley (Luton); 13 Stuart Barrett (Glendene); 14 CHRIS CHAPMAN (LONDON DYNAMO); 15 Mark Hutt (Hounslow & District Wheelers); 16 Chris Howard (Southborough); 17 Will Thomas (Prestige VC); 18 Steven Woodbridge (GS Stella); 19 Andrew McKie (South Western); 20 Mario Manelfi (Freerider); 21 Ralph Swallow (South Western); 22 Mike Edwards (Willesden); 23 Mark Skinner (Brighton Mitre); 24 Alan Denman (Crawley); 25 James Graham (Festival); 26 Michael Crockford (Gravesend); 27 Nick Haskoll (Brighton Mitre); 28 Richard Webb (Army CU); 29 Rosi Remidios (VC Meudon); 30 Dean Wilson (Kingsnorth International).

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