London Dynamo Newsletter #4, 23.04.04
WE KID YOU NOT!
Every issue of the London Dynamo Newsletter comes with a sturdy, titanium-edged guarantee that we’re giving you the truth, the whole truth and nothing double- butt the truth. That promise is put to the test in this edition as we narrate a series of tales that are not only unexpected, but which also seem as ludicrous as some of the mountain bikes that occasionally make it to the top of Box Hill. Yet every word we recount to the eager ears of you, the ever-trusting reader, is completely true. So, in the manner of an old, great, yet faintly sinister storyteller sitting in his study dressed in a smoking jacket while puffing indulgently on a pipe, we ask you to gather round a roaring fire as we open a heaving tome containing this week’s unbelievable yarns…
IT WAS A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT…
…well, not exactly stormy, but the Heavens did open as CHRIS WARD, GUY POWDRILL, NICK PEACOCK, ROB TUBBS, CHRIS CAMPBELL and a few other plucky cat 4 riders made their way home from a night of spills at Hillingdon. An all-time record of 140 riders – yes, open-jawed reader, 140 – were packed onto the circuit, so naturally the crash fairy paid a visit as the 84-strong E/1/2/3 peloton tried to pass 56 cat 4s crammed into the bend after the strait. Messy stuff – but thankfully no-one was seriously injured. Riders at the front of the 4/W/J race didn’t realise there had been a crash so they escaped like headless chickens while those behind the collision slowed to a halt, dashing their chances of staying with the pack. Cheerio, NICK PEACOCK and CHRIS CAMPBELL! Dynamo’s hopes for glory now rested on the thighs of Guy Powdrill’s sizeable twin cylinders – but he was scuppered by sun-tanned International Man Of Leisure Chris Ward as they sprinted for the line. The easy-going jet-setter, who came 23rd at the second Rumble at Eastway on Saturday, chose the wrong time to relax as he veered to the right and brought a couple of riders down. But Ward you believe it – he was left unscathed and upright! “Powerhouse” Powdrill avoided coming down by “doing a Lance” onto the grass but his chances of nabbing some shiny, pristine BCF points were over – as were those of the ten or so riders who had also been in contention. Chris – and we’re not making this up – is due to be press-ganged into boarding an 18th century ship for a Master And Commander-style reality TV show. You better get on that boat as soon as possible, pal – there’s gonna be a few riders baying for your blood in the harbour! Meanwhile, grumpy GUY ANDREWS sums up how he and RUSSELL SHORT got on in the big boys’ race: “I was crap. Rusty was crap too. I pulled out before the sprint – too dark, too fast, too miserable.” Oh dear! he doesn’t even mention how handy mechanic SAM HUMPHESON got on! And to make matters worse, Guy P got a puncture in each tyre after hitting a pothole on the Uxbridge Road as he made his way home with his cat 4 buddies. The spoils of this incredible evening can be summed up one pithy phrase – London Dynamo: nul point. We told you that this edition would be hard to believe!
WALL OR NOTHING
Category 2 virgin MARTIN WILLIAMSON went all the way with the Ladies – the 2/3/4/J/W event at Ladies Mile, that is. Sunday’s 5-lap race of the 50-mile course was decided on a hill named, quite ominously, The Wall, which managed to split up the pack quite effectively. Martin went with RUSSELL SHORT in the chasing group which emerged on the second climb of the hill. Meanwhile, PAUL “CANNONBALL” CALLINAN and TOM DAVIES bided their time in the main pack. But there was a bitter sting in the tail! Martin reveals that nobody realised that the finish was off the circuit – so Rusty, thinking the race ended at the top of the hill, had hung back and was accidentally dropped. You could say he thought it was Wall over – well it is now! Martin says he “cocked up” his sprint – yet he still managed to come a creditable 15th while Paul and Tom finished 29th and 30th respectively. But wait! Who is that shadowy figure stooped over his deep blue Terry Dolan in fourth place? It can’t be! Yes it is – it’s… KEN BUIST!!!
KEN WATCH!
Which brings us neatly to a great new section of the Newsletter where you tell us all about your sightings of London Dynamo’s mystery man. Obviously we can’t run this feature every week as the enigmatic Aussie’s movements are hard to pin down, but we are grateful to GUY POWDRILL for getting us off to a fantastic start. The lanky property broker, who came 8th in the cat 4 race at Eastway on Saturday, spotted Ken in Condor Cycles, Grays Inn Road, “about four weeks ago.” Guy writes: “Ken was wearing a blue overcoat and had been meeting a client in the Holborn area. He looked smart but casual. The time must have been circa 4pm – what better time to peruse one of London’s premier cycling retailers? Ken spotted me while I was admiring some Assos knee-warmers. We chatted briefly about – you guessed it – stems. I bought the knee warmers and then left. The last time I saw Ken was downstairs discussing frames with a staff member. We parted with a tearful wave. The entire incident couldn’t have lasted more than 6 minutes.” This is brilliant stuff! Meanwhile, an on-the-mend MARTIN GARRETT mentions on the London Dynamo forum that Ken provided him with some dubious reading material while he was in hospital. Do you know what was in those brown paper bags? Or have you met the great man in one of the capital’s top cycle emporiums? Then email news@londondynamo.co.uk with the details. We’d love to hear from you – and we know Ken is also keen to read all about his random meetings in the next newsletter!
WET A GUY…
Super-fit Cyclefit technician WARRICK SPENCE once again bags the London Dynamo Newsletter Result Of The Week for grabbing third place in torrential conditions at the Cycle Kingdom Classic. Sunday’s race in Liphook saw the crafty Kiwi almost freeze his hands off in the inclement conditions. We’ll leave it at that because, frankly, Warrick’s been getting more than his fair share of coverage in the Newsletter over the past few weeks due to a bumper crop of great results. Give us a break, buddy!
…AND WHAT A LADY!
At last, we have some none-male news to report. Mallorca veteran REBECCA STUBBS got 2nd female in the Kingston 10-mile time trial, clocking up 27mins 08secs. And there’s more! The women’s national team series near Nottingham on Sunday was won by GB rider Charlotte Goldsmith – and Rebecca finished at the head of the second bunch in the 80km race. You can congratulate her at Richmond Park very soon. Rebecca is easy to spot at the Parkride – she’s the one who’s a woman!
KRAUT OF ORDER
Sadly, last week’s kit update was a little premature. Disappointed GUY ANDREWS, London Dynamo’s Minister for Clothing, has admitted that our devilishly attractive uniforms are still not with us – and in keeping with this week’s theme of tall tales, he has revealed a startling development to the never- ending story. The kits have gone missing somewhere between here and Germany, but to prove they still exist, the supplier has sent Guy a photo of the jerseys and shorts. Isn’t this what they do with hostages just before asking for more money? Give them what they want, Guy – we need those outfits, dead or alive!
PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT
Whoops! We forgot to mention last week that there was a training event going on at Eelmore. Sorry – we’ll get the hang of this Newsletter thing one day! But our mistake doesn’t really matter – because Guy Andrews is now planning to hold what he grandly calls a “masterclass” in road race training and tactics over an “evening or two”. London Dynamo’s chief whip adds: “I might charge a small fee, but it seems there are several riders who need a little helping hand.” Ward-ever could he mean? Anyone who is interested should email guy@pressurepr.co.uk – and he adds tantalisingly that cycle maintenance classes will be starting at Cyclefit “very soon”.
AND SO, THE END
The final page in this hefty volume has finally been turned. We hope you enjoyed the strange tales from the Book of Dynamo and will tune in next week for another nail-biting instalment. Results, race reports and anything else you might care to offer should be electro-mailed to news@londondynamo.co.uk by Wednesday AM at the latest. And now, with the clouds gradually shifting to finally offer the brimming, burning, celestial dawn of summer, it only remains for us to remind you about…
THIS WEEK’S RIDES
Or rather, let’s NOT remind you to get ready for the first truly warm ride of the year. It’s a terrible, final twist in the tale, Dyna-mates – the Parkride is been CANCELLED for the next TWO WEEKS! Road works are underway in Richmond Park making it impossible to run a group ride safely. But the Newsletter did make an official inspection on Thursday morning and we can report that individual riders should find the route partly negotiable for the time being – provided you don’t mind a tiny bit of off-roading. Never mind, because there is still…
SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. 50ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink and lashings of sunblock.
WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Steady two-hour ride to Surrey and back.
Our kindest regards, London Dynamo Newsletter.
THE SMALL PRINT
LADIES MILE, 18/4, 2/3/4/W/J, 60 miles: 1 William Bell (Gemini BC); 2 Steve Skuse (Kingsnorth); 3 James Scoular (unatt); 4 KEN BUIST (LONDON DYNAMO); 5 William Thompson (Pacific Racing RT); 6 Simon Felmore (Dbennett RT); 7 John Sadler (Addiscombe); 8 Martin Hulbert (VC Meudon); 9 Neil Whelan (Southboro); 10 Dave Kennett (Addiscombe); 11 Mark Scoular (Liphook Cycles); 12 Troels Larsen (Twickenham); 13 Niall Digby (Sigma Sport RT); 14 Seth Kay (unatt); 15 Martin Williamson (London Dynamo); 16 Andy Seltzer (East Grinstead); 17 Stephen Baylis (Pacific Racing RT); 18 Jim Mcmanus (Interbike RT); 19 Matt Smith (Gemini BC); 20 RUSSELL SHORT (LONDON DYNAMO); 21 Gary Bryant (Old Portlians); 22 Chris Yates (In Gear RT); 23 Graham Wood (Team Luciano); 24 Colin McDermot (Festival); 25 Andy Cox (Lewes Wanderers); 26 Keir O’Donnell (Beyond MTB); 27 Lee Oliver (Tunbridge Wells); 28 Andy Green (Brighton Mitre); 29 PAUL CALLINAN (LONDON DYNAMO); 30 TOM DAVIES (LONDON DYNAMO).
CYCLE KINGDOM SPRING CLASSIC, 19/4, 75 miles: 1 James Millard (Dataphonics RT) 3:07:28; 2 Tim Dunford (Hargroves Cycles) +0:46; 3 WARRICK SPENCE (LONDON DYNAMO) +0:50; 4 Rowan Horner (VC St Raphael) +2:00; 5 Rob Enslin (prestigevc.com) +2:32; 6 John Ibbotson (Pacific Racing) +3:08; 7 Roger Morgan (Parrot Print) st; 8 Paul Butler (prestigevc.com) +4:24; 9 John Veness (Evans Cycles RT) +7:04 10 Chris Birch (Evans Cycles RT) +7:13.
ESL SPRING RUMBLE, EASTWAY, 19/4, 4/W/J, 1 hour: 1 James Muerig (Willesden CC) 59.03.0; 2 Gavin Rumbles (CC Luton) 59.03.3; 3 Darren Magona (Ciclos Uno) 59.03.3; 4 Craig Wakelin (Api) 59.03.4; 5 Robert Moorman (unatt) 59.03.5; 6 Coner Murphy (Victoria CC) 59.03.5; 7 Simon Constable (Basildon CC) 59.03.8; 8 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO) 59.03.9; 9 Mark Wright (San Fairy Ann) 59.03.9; 23 CHRIS WARD (59.06.6). 2/3/4/W/J, 32 miles: 1 Alex Rowe (Team Snergy) 1.17.07.8; 2 Dean Wakelin (Api) 1.17.07.8; 3 Chris Brooking (Api) 1.17.07.9; 4 Peter Bissell (unatt) 1.17.07.9; 5 Ed Graefe (Team Economic Energy) 1.17.08.3; 6 Rob Wright (Shaftesbury CC) 1.17.08.3.
HILLINGDON, 20/4, E/1/2/3: 1 Colin Roshier (Tm Quest/The Bike Shop); 2 L.Atkins (PCA/Ciclos Uno); 3 R. Morgan (Parrot Print RT); 4 R. Enslin (Prestige VC); 5 V. Halpern (Twickenham CC); 6 C. Doel (Tm Quest); 7 R. Chamberlain (Tm Milton Keynes); 8 R. Painter (Norwood Paragon). 4/W/J 1 Tom Smith (Twickenham CC/Evans Cycles); 2 G. Capelli (British Airways CC); 3 A. Downing (London Irish RC); 4 N. Wass (Verulam CC); 5 C. White (Private Member); 6 S. Spies (Mad Engine CC)
The DYNAMITE! Files 
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