London Dynamo Newsletter #8, 21.05.04
THE MANE ATTRACTION
He was brushed to the foot of our last edition and we’ve be-comb wary of boring our beloved readership by mentioning his name too often – but try as we might, there really is no chance of the Newsletter snipping away at the hair-raising achievements of pony-tailed point-gobbler WARRICK SPENCE this time around. The long-haired champ proved he was a cut above the rest this week by almost nabbing 1st place from a Tour of Britain winner in an elite event – and Cyclefit’s hirsute hero had another close shave when he narrowly missed out on breaking a time trial record which has stood for more than 10 years. Now there is talk of Warrick making another record-breaking bid – and we are sure that you, the style-conscious reader with the immaculately coiffure, are bristling to find out more. So settle down in our barber’s chair as we give you the long and the short back and sides of it. Now where did we put those scissors…
IT’S THE MALC RACE
Warrick’s reputation as Dynamo’s cool operator was transformed at the BAA Crawley Town Centre Criteriums on Sunday. The normally reserved racer confessed he “couldn’t stop smiling” after 42-year-old Milk Race veteran Malcolm Elliott came to congratulate him for coming second and admitted that he spent most of his time trying to hold Warrick’s wheel in the fast-paced E1/2 contest. The Tour of Spain points competition winner, who came 1st, unwittingly caused a crash when he clipped a cone, sending it hurtling in the direction of another rider – but ever the good sport, Elliott apologised to the competitor afterwards. What a gent! And now it’s Warrick’s turn to cone and get it – we’re talking about the London Dynamo Newsletter Result Of The Week Gong, of course. He’s already won far too many – somebody stop him!
BETTER YATES THAN NEVER
The Cyclefit sensation isn’t the only Dynamate who has recently competed with a cycling legend. Earlier this week, the Newsletter stormed out of its bunker in a huff, got the lift to the top floor of Dynamo Towers and had a right old go at PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN for failing to mention that he and MIKE DEBNEY were in a lead-out train hauled by none other than Sean Yates. The immensely talkative Race Secretary, who rolled in with the bunch on Sunday’s 140km Edgware RC Road Race, maintained an uncharacteristic silence about the former yellow jersey winner’s surprise appearance at Goodwood for more than a week – which is why it was missing from our previous edition. He just doesn’t know the meaning of the phrase ‘world exclusive’! Thankfully, Paul’s trusty fix-it man RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT was on hand to calm us all down with a cup of tea from the Dynamo urn and a few slices of Box Hill’s finest treacle tart. While he poured, Rusty mentioned that he came 18th at the 140km 2/3/4 Eastern Lea Valley Road Race on Sunday May 9. And as Paul supped, he revealed that CSC’s assistant directeur sportif turned up at Goodwood on Tuesday 11 in an Audi estate with his team’s logo emblazoned across its side before warming up at the back of the circuit away from the prying eyes of his many fans. Bjarne Riis’s tattooed right-hand man rode with the E/1 group on a team-issue Cervelo with whooshing Zipp 404 wheels – and Paul revealed: “Sean took a lead-out train in true Tour style through the chicane. Being on fifth wheel I thought I had a chance. He peeled off and we hammered for the line with Justin Hoy’s other lead-out train on our right. I realised what a long time it takes to get from the chicane to the line and finished in 20th spot with Mike just on my wheel.” Forget about getting on Sean’s train – you should have got his autograph, pal!
EASTWAY OF EDEN
Back now to our ‘Wonder Warr’, who turned up at Eastway on Tuesday for their regular 10-mile time trial and almost walked away with a record-winning time. He clocked 22’00” – just four seconds off Ray Eden’s record of 10 years’ standing. But we may not have to wait another decade before Eden is toppled from his perch, because the Macklin Street marvel is certain he will do the business next week. That’s confidence for you! Warrick, who already holds the Lee Valley circuit’s single-lap record, revealed that he lost valuable seconds because he had to negotiate five or six riders on the corners. Tell them to move next time, chum – nothing should stand in the way of history in the making! And Cyclefit guru PHIL CAVELL has exclusively revealed to the Newsletter that the crafty Kiwi will be launching his bid to break the New Zealand hour record in the next couple of months. But there’s one snag. Warrick admits: “We have to find out first if I can do it in this country.” Damn this bureaucracy!
LAPPING IT UP
Meanwhile, Dynamo crack team TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT, ‘MEDICAL’ MIKE DEBNEY, SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHERSON and ‘GENTLEMAN’ JOHN OLDRIDGE gave the deer a fright when they managed to set a record of their own in Richmond Park on Thursday. The fearsome foursome, along with Dynamette REBECCA STUBBS, are heading to Cowbridge in Wales tonight to represent the Surrey League at the prestigious L’Etape De La Defonce two-day stage race – and it was during one of their regular four-up time trial practices that the fellas managed to clock an amazing 16’20” on the 7-mile circuit. Didn’t they realise the speed limit has been reduced to 20mph? Somebody call the cops!
KEN WATCH!
Relax, Dynamates – elusive Aussie KEN BUIST is safe and well. Dynamo’s Scarlet Pimpernel turned up at PAUL CALLINAN’s pad in Kingston and told the Race Secretary he was going to make peace with KATRIN KANDELL over their recent hoo-
ha, which regular readers will know involved two pairs of Cinelli handlebars. He also spoke to WARRICK SPENCE and revealed that he thought last week’s account of the incident was “hilarious”. Just doing our job, Ken! If you’ve seen the renegade rider recently, then please drop us a line at news@londondynamo.co.uk. We want to know where he was, what he was wearing and maddeningly specific details of the conversation, including an approximate time for the moment he made a sarcastic comment about upwardly-pointing stems. He really is loving all this attention!
WHO’S THAT GUY?
Hats off to the organisers of the Hillingdon Tuesday series – they have put GUY POWDRILL at the head of London Dynamo’s race to get the most misspelled entries on the finishing sheet, leaving TOM ‘HEMMAT’ HEMMANT trailing in second place. The towering triathlete, who has already been referred to as Guy Undrill and Gary Powdrill, can now add G. Poudrill to the list after effortlessly coming 4th at this week’s sun-kissed and bafflingly short 4/W/J race. Incidentally, you could combine two of these pseudonyms to create Gary Poudrill, which sounds like the name of an effeminate hairdresser and is therefore entirely in keeping with the opening theme of this week’s Newsletter. Or if you want to do something a bit more useful, then you could help out with race marshalling at Hillingdon. Stuart Benstead, who runs the races, has requested London Dynamo’s assistance on Tuesday nights, so step forward and make yourself known to PAUL CALLINAN at paul.callinan@londondynamo.co.uk. You know it makes sense!
TOM DUMB
Whoops! It was TOM DAVIES, not TOM HEMMANT, who rode at Ladies Mile last week. We feel like proper dumbos and we hope that both men can overcome the hurt and embarrassment we have caused. The Newsletter is also happy to point out that ALEX ‘BIG AL’ BALFOUR is 6’4, not 6’3 as previously stated. Our sincerest apologies.
THE FINAL CUT
We’ve massaged a dollop of gel into your lovely locks and brushed the snippets of hair from your shoulders. We hope you are delighted with your dramatic new look – and if you are a little unsure, then please bear in mind that WARRICK SPENCE also sported a purple mohican just like yours for many years. Remember: we are a chatty and enthusiastic junior stylist but we would be nothing without you, our loyal client who likes nothing more than popping into our salon for a bit of a natter. So please send your gossip, race reports and sightings of KEN BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk. The deadline is Wednesday afternoon for the following Friday’s edition. And now, as sir’s eyes wander to the ample display of prophylactics next to the Brylcreem tubs, it only remains for us to remind you about…
THIS WEEK’S RIDES
SATURDAY
the Parkride. Richmond Park, Rohampton Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups. Anyone who wants to lead a group should leave a message at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/viewforum.php?f=21.
SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. 50ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink and a pint of cholesterol – sorry, colustrum.
WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Steady two-hour ride to Surrey and back.
So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.
London Dynamo Newsletter.
THE SMALL PRINT
SUNDAY, MAY 9 – LADIES MILE, EAST GRINSTEAD, 4s, 30 MILES: 1 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO); 2 Marek Siwicki (Addiscombe CC); 3 James Woodward (Dbennett Training RT); 4 Tony Geraghty (Thames Velo); 5 ROB TUBBS (LONDON DYNAMO); 6 Gavin Morton (Charlotteville CC); 7 Neil Quarmby (Southboro); 8 CRAIG THOMPSON (LONDON DYNAMO); 9 Nick Symes (unatt); 10 Andrew Hicks (South Western); 11 Andrew Wills (VC Deal); 12 Gary Williams (East Grinstead CC) 13 ALEX BALFOUR (LONDON DYNAMO); 24 Phil Rapley (Southboro).
3/4/J, 50 MILES: 1 Lewis Atkins (PCA Ciclos Uno); 2 Colin McDermott (Festival RC); 3 Dave Creggan (VC Meudon); 4 Simon Felmore (Dbennett Training RT); 5 Christian Yates (In Gear RT); 6 Jon Sharples (In Gear RT); 7 Andrew Dilkes (VC Meudon); 8 Jeff Baird (Twickenham CC); 9 SAM HUMPHESON (LONDON DYNAMO); 10 James McVey (Kingston Wheelers); 11 Mark Hutt (Hounslow and District Wheelers); 12 ADAM DOBBS (LONDON DYNAMO); 31 Chioma Cureton (unatt).
TUESDAY, MAY 11 – HILLINGDON, 4/W/J, 20 MILES: 1 Christian Papapetru (Mission CRT) 0-54-23; 2 A. Arauto (unatt); 3 Samantha Van Gelbig (Oxford University CC); 4 D. Schaefer (unatt); 5. I. Shapiro (Oxford University CC); 6. S. Sies (Mad Engine RT); 7. ALEX BASTIN (LONDON DYNAMO); 8. BORIS BERNSTEIN (LONDON DYNAMO); 13 M. Waring (Oxford University CC) all s.t.
SUNDAY, MAY 16 – BAA CRAWLEY TOWN CENTRE CRITERIUMS, 1 HOUR, E/1/2: 1 Malcolm Elliott (Pinarello RT); 2 WARRICK SPENCE (LONDON DYNAMO); 3 Jamie Norfolk (Giant Racing); 4 Tom Smith (Prestige VC.com/Viner); 5 Simon Gaywood (CC Luton); 6 Ian Holt (Prestige VC.com/Viner); 7 Mark Cavendish (Team Persil/Great Britain); 8 James Notley (Cycle Store.co.uk); 9 Matt Holmes (Arctic-Shorter Rochford); 10 Edward Clancy (Team Persil/Great Britain).
TUESDAY, MAY 18 – HILLINGDON, 4/W/J, 15 MILES: 1 Niel McCloud (Sigma Sport); 2 P. Coe (Swindon RC); 3 J. Greave (Beyond Mountain Bikes); 4 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO); 5 D. Dentus (Epsom RC); 6 A. Ionnides (Sigma Sport).
The DYNAMITE! Files 
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