Posts Tagged ‘NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK’

DYNAMITE! #206, 07.11.08

October 23, 2010

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #206, 07.11.08
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics -http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web -http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat light rain, 13C max, wind S 23mph; Sun, light showers, 13C max, wind SW 23mph +++
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ROAD TO POWER
+++ One-time outsider answers call of destiny +++
He was once a complete unknown. A year ago, very few pundits would have believed he had a chance of claiming victory in the biggest contest of them all. And yet that is exactly what happened this week, as his incredible win inspired many ordinary mortals whose pithy motto of determination is encapsulated in those three little words, “Yes we can”. A change, Dynamates, has finally come. We are talking, of course, about RICHARD ‘AV IT’ HOULT crossing the line in first place at the second Dynamo annual club championships, held on Saturday in diluvial conditions at Hillingdon where the only remnant of summer was provided by the mahogany-hued complexion of newly-returned honeymooner TONY ‘PEETEER’ SMEDLEY. With the diligence of an electoral observer at a polling station, Dynamo’s keen-eyed club captain watched the race progress from an early attack by CHARLIE ‘VICI’ EASTON to the establishment of the decisive break comprising Rich, TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT, PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY, CAMERON ‘STEVE’ AUSTIN and their brief companion MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON, whose big-gear churn-a-thon resulted in him rejoining the bunch when the pace lifted. Tom proved to be very much the Hillary Clinton of the day, seemingly having victory in his grasp with a series of devastating attacks culminating in a huge gap along the back straight with less than a quarter of the 30-mile contest to go – and like a hanging chad on a ballot paper, there was a whiff of controversy as the Crewe crackerjack sprinted for the line a lap early alongside Paul, who was adamant that bell-ringer MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT had forgotten to change the lapboard. No he hadn’t, pal! But the biggest surprise for those watching by the dilapidated shed overlooking the pristine football pitches was the distance between Rich and 2nd-placed Tom as the former raised his arms aloft a lap after the false finish… http://tinyurl.com/6cyfgh. Great win, buddy! Well done also to Paul and his bare-kneed protégé Cam, who took 3rd and 4th respectively, while SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON nabbed an unconfirmed 2nd in the bunch sprint just 24 hours before nailing 3rd overall at Surrey League’s final Ottershaw race… http://tinyurl.com/6ze7yl …taking the France-based firecracker within one tantalising point of retaining his 1st cat licence. Meanwhile, big-hearted better JASON ‘WILLS’ GREEN donated his princely £72 winnings from Paul’s club champs’ sweepstakes to the Shooting Star children’s charity… http://tinyurl.com/6oyaag …but with almost half the field listed as DNS, the biggest congratulations must go to those who actually raced on one of the most wind-swept, soggiest days of the year, particularly fed-up trackie ALWYN ‘DO THE’ McMATH who briefly abandoned before climbing back on to cheers from the race helpers at the finish. This publication would like to apologise to those in the bunch who may have been dispirited by the time gaps which DYNAMITE! dutifully blared out of a loudhailer, although we mercifully brought that practice to an end once Rich and his three chums lapped the field – so come with us now as we remind you even more volubly about the party which will see Dynamo’s club champ presented with his trophy. Let’s get ready to give him a round of applause…

CHEQUE YOUR DIARIES
+++ Bookings coming in for end-of-year bash +++
Busy social secretary PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT has been taking the first bookings for the highly-anticipated London Dynamo Annual Social And Awards – so remember to post your cheque for £40, made payable to London Dynamo, if you want to join all your favourite Dynamates on Thursday 4th December at the Arts Club in Mayfair, where you will get to enjoy the all-inclusive food and drink, plus the unique wit of former club boss NICK EX-CAPTAIN PEACOCK as he presides over the plentiful prize-giving. Paul’s address is 30 Tudor Gardens, Twickenham TW1 4LE – and please include an e-mail address for confirmation. We’ll see you there!

TICKERED OFF
The ticker tape is falling from the sky, which means that there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue before we make a victory speech. Always remember that we are a kind of White House, but we would be nothing without you, our first men and first ladies. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we wave goodbye from the Rose Garden, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a three-year-old prediction… http://tinyurl.com/2uj84p.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

DYNAMITE! #209, 28.11.08

October 23, 2010

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #209, 28.11.08
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics -http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web -http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, heavy rain, 7C max, wind E 8mph; Sun, sunny intervals, 7C max, wind SE 6mph +++
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HE’S NOT JOE-KING
+++ Former ‘Mo’s unusual career turn +++
Many Dynamos secretly dream of following in the footsteps of the pros, and they will undoubtedly be green with envy now that a once-familiar face at Crystal Palace has emulated the career path of a top British cyclist by quitting Blighty for an exotic African location. That’s right, Dynamates – popular former member Joe Stegers has apparently “done a Sherwen” by relocating to the dark continent and setting up a gold mine there. We kid you not! The Tanzania-based go-getter spent four months charging around on a dirt bike collecting samples before gathering funds on a brief trip back to the UK, during which time he met up for a burger in Richmond with his chums TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT, JAMES ‘HITMAN’ STRATTON and MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON. Martin reveals: “He was on lively form, despite arriving 90 minutes after we’d all finished eating. We talked of Palace, which he misses, and he still regrets not being able to post on the Dynamo forum and not receiving DYNAMITE! every week.” We’ll see what we can sort out, pal! Joe’s many Dynamates may want to raise a glass to the cheery fastman at the Annual Social and Awards bash which, of course, takes place from 6pm on Thursday at the Arts Club on Dover Street near Green Park tube… http://tinyurl.com/3xrare. The past week has seen a surge in bookings, so make sure you post your cheque to event organiser PAUL ‘ALL-BLUE’ HARKNETT at 30 Tudor Gardens, Twickenham TW1 4LE. Cheques should be made payable to London Dynamo, and please include an e-mail address for confirmation. In addition to food and drink, the all-inclusive £40 ticket price also covers the services of former club boss NICK ‘EX-CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK, who will be handing out the awards for the year’s outstanding performances. In anticipation of this prestigious event, this publication will now award its own much-loved prizes, dubbed the ‘Mities, to reflect some of the more unusual achievements that may get overlooked on the night – so come with us now as we approach the lectern to begin the giving of gongs. Let’s tear open the first envelope…

THE CHAINSAW AND RIPCORD FOR TREE-MENDOUS ATTACK OF THE YEAR
He’s renowned for his uncompromising, no-nonsense approach – and DYNAMITE! got to witness JOE ‘BLOW’ HEMMANT’s trademark brand of hard-headedness first hand when we heard him order his long-suffering father to “put your lid on, Les” after the eldest Hemmant removed his helmet to recce a climb on the Granfondo Pinarello course on a boiling hot day (#191, 25.07.08). Mr Hemmant’s weary response of “yes, dad” indicated he had experienced this role reversal many times before – and Joe displayed a different kind of unbe-leaf-able behaviour four months previously when stormy conditions felled a tree in front of the competitors on the first stage of the Easter 3-Day, thereby giving the unfazed fastman the opportunity to briefly get a gap on the terrified bunch (#174, 28.03). You deserve this award, you crafty bugger!

THE BUCKLED WHEEL AWARD FOR NEUTRAL DISSERVICE
Preston Anderson, the commandingly-named head of SERRL, is said to look uncannily like Sir Alan Sugar – so it was fitting that IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE and RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON paid tribute to the BBC’s boardroom Barnum by dishing out some bolshy quips of their own when the club helped out the race organisers at Brenchley in Kent (#177, 18.04). Manning the neutral service vehicle, Ian responded to a Norwood Paragon rider’s demand for a Ksyrium by telling him: “You want to see the bunch again? Then you’ll take what you want NOW, sunshine!” Another puncture-hit competitor requested the Shimano wheel he had handed in, only for Rich to respond: “It’s neutral service. You should have punctured earlier.” There’s no arguing with that logic!

THE ONION CHAINRING FOR FASTEST FOOD RUN OF THE YEAR
Oh, how times have changed, Dynamates! Goldman Sachs machine DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE bags this gong for a pre-credit crunch ride from Fleet Street to the Gloucester Road branch of Burger King where he purchased a round of deluxe burgers costing £95 each… http://tinyurl.com/6qpumf …which were paid for by three of his colleagues. The profligate trio had bet each other on whether their wannabe courier could get to the fast food outlet in less than 18 minutes – and they guaranteed he would get one of the burgers regardless of whether he beat the clock or not. Having made the trip in 13 minutes, the Fulham firecracker described his reward as “nice, but I wouldn’t pay £95 for it”. Not many would, pal!

THE BALLCOCK AND SNAPPED CHAIN FOR TOILET INCIDENT OF THE YEAR
Naughty New Zealander PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY scoops this prize – and much else besides – for a food-related incident (#184, 06.06) that wasn’t quite as pleasurable as Streuley’s. Unable to resist a tub of Marks and Spencer mini-bite flapjacks sitting invitingly on his desk, piggy Paul ate its entire contents during the course of the working day, leaving his guts in such a severe state that he was desperate to perform a full evacuation after doing hill reps in Richmond Park that evening. He managed to track down a Royal Parks official to open one of the men’s facilities, but despite managing to extricate himself from his bib shorts just in time, the sprint sensation was slightly “off target”, which necessitated a clean-up operation afterwards. You mucky pup!

THE TOM ‘REMNANT’ HEMMANT DICTIONARY FOR BEST MISSPELLING
No end-of-year Dynamatic round-up is complete without a mention of TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT getting his name comically mangled on a results sheet, although “Hemnant” seems a lot less sillier than previous years’ entries. The same set of results, taken from a Palace E/1/2 race, nevertheless managed to turn DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE into “Straw” while a certain Kiwi got a French makeover with “De La Hunty” (#188, 04.07) – but the winner of this syntactically-challenged category goes to GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL, or “Brain Powdnall” as he is known to the organisers of the Andy Morrison Memorial RR in Cranfield, Beds (#180, 09.05). The lanky lad went on to prove that it is unwise to associate him with the word “brain” when he rashly bet PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN that he would beat him at the Farnborough and Camberley CC ’25’, only to lose by just one second – and the Kingston killer beat Guysie again at the Addiscombe CC ’25’ in Broadbridge Heath, West Sussex (#182, 23.05). That’s two dinners you owe him, chum!

THE LEATHER WHIP FOR SIX OF THE BEST WINS IN A WEEK
Never let it be said that the statistics department of the DYNAMITE! publishing empire doesn’t love uncovering a little-known Dynamo-related fact – and they don’t get any more obscure than this: the six days from 8th to 13th May 2008 inclusive had more Dynamo wins than any other period of the same duration, averaging a remarkable one victory per day (#181, 16.05). You would have to look long and hard to find a figure more impressive and yet quite as pointless! The half-dozen heroes who thrashed Dynamo’s rivals are TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT (victorious at the Bec CC E/1/2/3 race, despite having to wear a Wildside jersey after forgetting his own), PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY (bagged the No.1 spot at MoD E/1/2 event) MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON (won the Hounslow Wheelers’ Thursday night ’10’ in 22:29), CHARLIE ‘VICI’ EASTON (maintained her then-unbeaten run at Crystal Palace), RICHARD ‘AV IT’ HOULT (1st at Palace 3/4 race) and MARK ‘NUTTY BOY’ DRAYTON (beat the rest of the 4th cats at Hillingdon). Great stuff, all of you!

THE HAND-KNOTTED FRIENDSHIP BAND FOR CHUM OF THE YEAR
Social anthropologists have yet to verify the theory that you are never more than a few feet away from a Dynamo, although STEVE ‘LONESOME PINE’ WOOD seems to be gathering evidence to the contrary by unwittingly avoiding the diffuse Dynamo membership, despite going out of his way to make new pals. The lone ‘Mo completed all 172 miles of the Ronde Van Vlaanderen sportive without realising RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT, STUART ‘EASY’ SPIES and seven other Dynamates were also juddering over the Flemmish cobbles (#176, 11.04), and his forum plea for ‘Mos to join him in Royston, Herts for the Tour Of The Cornfields went unanswered (#197, 05.09.08). But he did manage to meet CycleFitter KIMBERLY ‘CANUCK’ KABATOFF at the Paris-Roubaix sportive (#185, 13.06), and the Dartmoor Classic saw him befriend one of the ten Marks listed on the club’s membership directory (#182, 23.05.08), although he doesn’t seem to know which one. Get his surname next time, buddy!

PANNED OUT NICELY
Our season-long panning for nuggets of news amid the gravel of fact has come to an end, which means its time to thank everyone who has sent in the raw materials during our 10-month gold rush. We’ll be back for more prospecting next year, so please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk. And now, as we pause to wish each and every one of you a merry Christmas and a happy New Year, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a miner’s helmet.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next year, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.