DYNAMITE! #176, 11.04.08

November 14, 2010

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #176, 11.04.08
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics -http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web -http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, heavy showers, 12C max, wind SW 14mph; Sun, heavy showers, 12C max, wind SW 3mph +++

+++ Club mate not spotted in chilly Flanders +++
Nothing tugs at this publication’s heartstrings quite like a tale of a lone ‘Mo gamely tackling a sportive without any Dynamates for support or a diverting conversation about, for instance, the merits of carbon bottle cages – so you can imagine our distress at hearing how STEVE ‘LONESOME PINE’ WOOD completed all 172 miles of the Ronde Van Vlaanderen route without realising that nine fellow members were also juddering over the sportive’s uneven road surfaces in the freezing cold. But Steve needn’t feel he missed out on the inimitable banter of Britain’s most Dyna-marvelous cycling club, because DYNAMITE! is going to relive what the participants reckon was one of the best Dynamo foreign excursions yet – so come with us now as we give you the lowdown on the lowlands. It’s time to go through the Eurotunnel…

+++ Dynamos’ ringside seat for pros’ suffering +++
Proudly waving the famed yellow flag emblazoned with the Lion of Flanders emblem, hotdog-munching pals ALEX ‘NO KIT’ BREWER, MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT, SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON, ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY, RORY ‘GLORY, GLORY’ PARK, GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL, MIKE ‘LUNGER’ SNEYD, STUART ‘EASY’ SPIES and RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT whooped with delight as they watched dazed Erik Zabel crawl by inches from their clapping hands as the veteran sprinter struggled up the Koppenberg’s 22 per cent gradient at the Tour of Flanders. The gang’s prime spot among Sunday’s spectatorship capped a mayhem-packed two days which began when Stuart recreated his typical Surrey League race prep – meaning he punctured, changed clothes six times, and rammed a load of bananas down his neck, all before reaching the starting line of the Ronde Van Vlaanderen sportive. Minor drama over, the blue train rolled effortlessly along for the first 25 miles of the 87-mile half-distance route before encountering an omen of the obstructions to come in the form of a rather unique recumbent. Stu reveals: “There were no pedals for this chap – oh, no. What better way to move forward than kick your legs out like you’ve just sat on a hedgehog and pull the handlebars towards yourself in what can best be described as an offence to nature?” Dear oh dear! But it was the web designer’s first taste of cobbles, in the form of the hump-like Molenberg, that gave him greater grief. He admits: “There is no way to ride these things comfortably. You hover over the saddle, you feel like an army is marching over your crotch. You sit down, the vibration runs through your hands like little electric shocks. No matter what gear you are in, it’s the wrong one. All you can do is relax and point the bike straight, hoping the Gatorskins can sniff out some grip, because the ground looks damn hard!” And one of his buddies almost found that out the hard way…

+++ Potty-mouthed Garratt avoids getting splattered +++
Onward to the Paterberg, where annoyed Guysie got walloped by a wobbly Belgian with enough force to break his rhythm at the foot of the 360-metre climb. To avoid such argy-bargy among the thousands of riders tackling the 13 per cent gradient, smart Mart cleared a path to the top by unleashing a torrent of abuse, prompting a less-than-amused Brit to quip: “Oh look – here comes Tom bloody Boonen.” Stu retorts: “Oh well, buddy, we’re still pedaling, you’re walking.” If only he had thought of saying that at the time!

+++ Poser roars and takes off +++
The persistent rain began to make its presence felt as the Dynamo brigade hit the 50-mile mark, although cheeky Rusty had a smile on his little face thanks to the sight of Stu getting a major case of the shivers. The usually-sunny Saffa thawed out at a coffee stop where Martin ate his umpteenth squashed sandwich and Alex wondered why he had ever left Australia – but the brief repose enabled the rejuvenated rascals to tackle the Koppenberg with renewed vigour before admiring the awesome beauty of the Muur. Then came the 980-metre ramp averaging at 11 per cent known as the Bosberg, which Stu describes as “the Mecca Bingo of collarbone-crushing devils”. Having suffered at the hands of the merciless African on the Kopp, and done his damnedest to keep up with Sam throughout the day, foppish Guy drew even more attention to himself than usual by emitting a loud roar which announced his attack at the bottom of the climb. Martin was the only one who managed to catch him, and the duo two-upped it home as the remaining Dynamo riders eased themselves into the relative calm of the final section to the accompanying screech of Alex’s non-existent brake blocks. Well done all of you!

+++ Where was Rory? +++
We end our exhaustive coverage of the Belgian sportive with commiserations for Mike, who bowed out shortly after the Paterberg due to his rear mech committing suicide by getting into his spokes, and Rory made a premature departure reportedly because of a broken cleat. Quizzed about when exactly the Dynamo bookkeeper called it a day, baffled Stu responded: “I’m not entirely sure. Look, I was in the second stage of hypothermia, my brain was merely directing blood to vital organs. Was Rory even there?” Well, he’s in this photo… http://tinyurl.com/647gla …and this one… http://tinyurl.com/56v5xh …although they could have been Photoshopped by the Johannesburg web wizard himself. Get in touch if you’ve seen Mr. Park, Dynamates!

+++ Duo miffed as motor circuit is snowed off +++
Finally, we bring this Flanders-obsessed edition to a close with news of the domestic racing scene, which saw Sunday’s events at Thruxton cancelled after the snow fairy paid a munificent visit to the Andover motor circuit. Their trip to Hampshire thus thwarted, Easter 3-Day double act TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT and PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY headed for Hillingdon on Tuesday to fulfill their unquenched desire for crit action – but Dynamo’s quite man failed to get away and then found himself going backwards in the sprint, while his Kiwi pal got boxed in near the finish. Official results for the first night of the 2008 Tuesday series have yet to be released, but Tom reckons MIKE ‘LUNGER’ SNEYD was “up there” in the E/1/2/3 race, and TOBY ‘HUBBY’ BLACKMAN was 8th in the 4th cat event. Toby’s other half CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN did the Hounslow and District Wheelers ’10’ last night, posting a time of 26:57 despite taking a wrong turn – and TT was won by none other than PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN, who completed the Chertsey circuit in 24:08. Excellent work, sir!

Like Stijn Devolder powering away for the final 15 miles, this edition is coming to a glorious close, which means there’s just time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue before we point out the Quick Step logo on our national champion’s jersey. Always remember we are a load of old cobbles, and it is only the mud, dirt, blood and sweat of our readership’s efforts that binds us together. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we brush over the rumours of slipstreaming behind Belgian television motorbikes, it only remains for us to remind you about…


9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps
split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a snow plough.

7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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