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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #104, 16.06.06
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/ppkxg +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click the “newsletter” link +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 24C max, wind NW 6mph; Sun, sunny, 25C max, wind SW 10mph +++
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RECORD AND REWIND
+++ Zipping through history to find out if Simmonds is the best ++++
Dedication, dedication, dedication, that’s what you need – and it was those words, originally sung by a certain jovial kids’ TV presenter, that were ringing in the ears of KIMBERLY ‘CANUCK’ KABATOFF as she witnessed RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS propel himself to 1st cat at the latest round of the South East Series in Wadhurst, East Sussex… http://tinyurl.com/hu4jo. Regular readers will already know that the mighty ‘Mo began the year with a blank 4th cat licence, and this prompted his Dyna-masseuse to suggest on the forum this week that her client’s swift accumulation of points has set a record. That’s some claim, luv! And like the ever-knowledgeable Norris McWhirter, DYNAMITE! has risen to the challenge of identifying whether or not Rich really is a record breaker. Opening up the Dynamo history books, we see that last year’s high-achiever GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL also reached the giddy heights of 1st cat – but he rules himself out of contention by starting the season as a 3rd. Sorry, pal! Going further back, TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT made his 4th cat debut at the second Beginners’ Series race on Saturday 28th February 2004, and following umpteen manglings of his surname on results sheets, a win at Crystal Palace on 29th June of that same year gave him a 1st cat licence. Tom’s journey from 4 to 1 took 17 weeks and two days, which, sadly, means he loses out to Richard who took 16 weeks and one day. Well done, buddy – the editorial team is doing a Roy Castle-style celebration tap dance just for you! The former useful junior, who bridged an early gap with Rob Hurd at Sunday’s 81-mile E/1/2 race, reveals: “I knew that if I could finish in the top 10 I’d get my 1st cat points, and I managed 10th by the skin of my teeth. I suffered like mad, but I’m really pleased. Just a small matter of 300 more points to get to elite!” He’s got one year, four weeks and six days to get an upgrade, because that’s the current record set by Tom. Not that we’re counting, fellas! Talking of records, a time trialling Dynamate has set a personal best near his hometown this week – some come with us to find out if the whole sporting world would applaud it, or if the McWhirters, mmm, would record it. Here comes the trumpet solo…
LEEK PERFORMANCE
+++ Callinan on form in northern TTs ++++
He’s been plagued by mystery cramps for some weeks – so you can imagine the delight of Staffordshire pitbull PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN when he shaved a massive three minutes off his personal best at the Mercia CC 25 on Sunday. Dynamo’s honourary president was 4th at the time trial in Fradley, Staffs, clocking 53:44… http://tinyurl.com/pxbaj …and his intrepid trip beyond the M25 reaped more success on Tuesday when he attended an event hosted by Matlock CC, whose 400-strong membership makes it the biggest club in England. Paul, who came 2nd at the 10-miler in Rowsley, Derbys, with a time of 22:02, reveals: “It was the first anniversary of my dad’s death, so what better way to help my mum take her mind off it than to drag her out in the rain with my brother and watch me hammer up the A6?” It must have worked wonders! Making a swift exit to avoid an argument after also controversially placing 2nd in the handicap, Paul went on to blow his £45 winnings at Den Engel, the only Belgium-themed pub in his hometown of Leek. He says: “The menu of beers is based on the lines on a velodrome, so we worked our way up and down a few times. What a way to celebrate!”
BLOOMIN’ MARVEL
+++ Spence on podium at Crawley – with curiously-placed flowers +++
Cyclefit sensation WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE impressively bagged 3rd place at the elite Crawley criterium race last Wednesday, just hours after our copy deadline had passed – but the editorial team was pleased to have waited a week after seeing the Covent Garden fastman flanked by “the two young ladies”, as a couple of girls are mysteriously described in this caption… http://tinyurl.com/qhcgq. And why has he got a bunch of flowers velcroed to his wrist? Answers to the usual address…
MUDDY BRILLIANT
+++ Three top 10 places for MTB duo ++++
Knobbly-tyred lover WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER has already proved he can do it all night – and the man who partnered STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES’ at a 24-hour mountain bike event in southern Spain three months ago has now shown he can go it alone by taking 3rd at Sunday’s Bristol Bikefest six-hour solo race. Click “6 Hr Open – Men” at http://tinyurl.com/hzfjs for the evidence. Will reveals: “It was an excellent singletrack-laden course, although the roots and rocks combined with riding a hardtail left me feeling as if someone had taken a piledriver to my lower back by about hour four.” Ouch! The off-road wonderlad got another boost in his preparation for next weekend’s Mountain Mayhem when he came 5th in the sport category at Beastway, while his 24-hour pal Stuart pulled off an impressive result in the masters… http://tinyurl.com/jkkrb. The affable South African had finished 3rd during the previous two weeks at Lea Valley’s Wednesday night meet, which made him determined to show his hand as part of a five-strong leading group. He admits: “I decided they were weak minnows and needed to be crushed, so I launched my bid for glory and rode into every tree.” Unbe-leaf-able! Realising his error, the 2nd cat sensation edged up to 3rd before walloping into a back marker, costing him two places and earning him a bit of verbal from a furious VCL rider. Stuart says: “I chased like a maniac and got onto the wheels of the leaders before passing them right on the final tricky climb. Then I chased 1st-placed Simon Turner from Freeborn but ran out of track. Thankfully, 2nd was in the bag. Yaaaaaaay!”
CORNISH PASTING
+++ Kenneway hits tarmac in west country crit ++++
Five days before bagging his marvellous MTB result, Stu found himself lost in Cornwall during the opening time trial of the Cyclelogic/Penzance Wheelers Two-Day, with poor old RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON suffering a similar fate and GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY puncturing. Curses! KEN BUIST’s doppelganger had more bad luck in the crit that followed when he hit a beacon carefully placed in the middle of the course, leaving him with minor injuries and damage to his bike – but Richard managed to show the west country a bit of Dyna-magic by out-sprinting a battalion of Certini riders for the No.3 spot. Nice one! The 3rd and final stage – a road race – saw Stu and Rich take 9th and 10th respectively in a bunch sprint after Gordon’s long, lone breakaway effort came to nought. Bad luck, pal! Richard ranked 7th in the final GC while Stu finished 13th overall and Gordon came 19th. Stu admits: “Rich did bloody well, even though it wasn’t the most successful weekend for everyone.” You’re underselling yourself, buddy!
WITTS’ BIT
+++ Small item for Marmotte hotel room availability +++
Finally, JOHN WITTS has got in contact to say he has a hotel room available for the Marmotte – and it’s 200 yards from the finish line. Send a Dyna-mail to the address in the “from” field of this message if you’re interested and we’ll pass it on…
DOMINOVER
The last domino of a vast, intricate display has been toppled in a Japanese warehouse, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who contributed to this issue before a Guinness Book of Records representative declares this to be a new world record. Always remember we are a cackling Kris Akabusi and we would be nothing without you, our skirt-throwing Cheryl Baker, so please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘ON-THE-SPOT’ BUIST to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, before we can attempt to break the unimpressive record for most number of users logged into the Dynamo forum, it only remains for us to remind you about…
THIS WEEK’S RIDES
SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.
SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.
9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and as many musical instruments you can play in 60 seconds.
WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.
So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.
The DYNAMITE! team.
The DYNAMITE! Files 
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