DYNAMITE! #82, 25.11.05

November 20, 2010

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #82, 25.11.05

In order to consistently maintain the highest possible editorial standards, each edition of your favourite weekly Dynamatic news update adheres to a series of meticulous rules – and for almost 18 months, no diktat has been followed more rigidly than section seven, paragraph four of the weighty DYNAMITE! bible, which states that “no Dynamate, with the exception of KEN ‘WHATEVER HE’S CALLED THIS WEEK’ BUIST, shall have their Dyna-moniker removed, changed or altered in any way”. Eagle-eyed readers will, however, have noticed that the “bombshell” nickname attributed to a certain ‘Mo named Nick was replaced two weeks ago by a reference to a moustachioed ex-army shop supervisor from an antiquated BBC sitcom whose main role was to boss his underlings around. And the reason for this dramatic yet somewhat appropriate name change became clear during a crucial moment at Saturday’s annual general meeting when the inaugural appointment of club general secretary was officially passed on to none other than NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK. It’s certainly a feather in his cap! In a minor triumph of wordplay which makes us feel disproportionately proud, the blonde barrister’s new nom de plume signals a fitting transition from outgoing president GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS, who, of course, was also named after a memorable character from British TV’s rich comedy history. This newsletter really doesn’t get any cleverer or more pointless than that! In a move that will confuse many, PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN is now the club’s president although the position has become largely a figurehead role as Nick will be giving most of the orders in the newly-created job of gen sec. We hope that makes sense to you! There are plenty of other members who are going to make a name for themselves during the next 12 months as they each take their place on the much-expanded Dynamo committee, so come with us now as we reveal those newly-created positions in full. Here come the opening job titles…

More than 50 intrepid Dynamates braved the freezing fog over Richmond Park to attend the club’s second AGM – and several of them, for one reason or another, were pleased to witness GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS’ historic swansong as President before his imminent move to Leicestershire. It was an occasion not to be mist! The vocal founder member and master of ceremonies installed himself as Honorary President on Saturday while NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK seized Guy’s reins of power in the newly-created position of General Secretary, leaving PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN to take on what is now the largely ceremonial duties of President. But fixed-gear fireball Paul won’t have much time to lounge around Dynamo Towers next year, because the aero-barred wonderboy will also be Time Trial Secretary. The club’s going old school in 2006, Dynamates! Prospective Membership Co-Secretary DAVID ‘SMILER’ NORRIS thought he would have a fight on his hands – but he was handed the golden opportunity to work with RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT when his rivals for the job failed to show. Unwitting STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES wasn’t so lucky – he planned on having a responsibility-free season until Guy suddenly press-ganged the knobbly-tyred fella into becoming Off-Road Secretary in front of the chortling crowd. Bad luck, pal! The brand-new position of Cyclosportif Secretary was nabbed by SAM ‘MARMOTTE’ WOODHOUSE while TOM ‘TUFTY’ DAVIES and MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT each became Events Co-Secretary, which makes them responsible for politely pestering you lot to don a tabard for marshalling duties. And, of course, there was the chance to for everyone to get their hands on the country’s finest lycra in the…

…as newly-promoted Nick proved he is still very much a man of the people by working the makeshift clothes stall with all the cheeky charm of a true East End trader. You wouldn’t Adam and Eve it if you hadn’t seen him with your own mince pies! Dynamo’s General Secretary flogged hundreds of pounds of dashing Dynamo kit in his end-of-season bonanza – and he’s extended the offer for the dozens of Dynamates who couldn’t make it down to the cafe by Roehampton Gate. Limited numbers of warming winter gilets are available in large and extra-large sizes, priced £15, and the last few medium skinsuits are going for £20 a pop. Send Nick a Dyna-mail to npeacock@maitlandchambers.com telling him what you want and he’ll bring the gear along on a Saturday morning before the Parkride so you can give him the cash. It really is that simple!

You can also order and pay for the much-anticipated 2006 kit at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/content_pages/ld_kit.html – which is probably what ex-pat DAVID COURTNEY-‘SHEIKHER’-HATCHER will be doing after DYNAMITE! failed to secure him a long-sleeve jersey and bib shorts as requested in his polite Dyna-mail from Dubai. Sorry, pal! Sadly, there were no large or extra-large ones left by the time this publication dived into the bargain box – but hopefully the former Parkrider will find suitable replacement clothing in time for the Dubai Roadsters’ annual two-up team time trial in January. David says: “If any senior but sprightly ‘Mo fancies a spot of winter sun with the chance to partner me in the two-up thrown in, then please put them in touch – or put them in touch anyway, the buggers.” You heard the man – send a Dyna-mail to david.courtney-hatcher@dentonwildesapte.com. And tell him Surrey has been in the grip of a mini-heatwave!

Talking of lovely weather, many ‘Mos are already looking forward to the club’s seven-day training camp in Mallorca which begins on April Fools’ Day next year. Stop tittering at the back – it’s not a joke! Everyone should have already received a Dyna-mail with details of the jaunt from trip co-ordinator RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT, and you can also find details on the forum section of the Dynamo website. Deposits are due soon, so fill out your application form today!

Finally, we come to ED ‘THE MAN’ McKINLEY’s performance at the Ball Buster, which he was encouraged to submit after stumbling across fellow triathlete DAVID ‘WEBMASTER’ SPENCER at a recent swim training session, thereby realising he isn’t the only Dynamate who subscribes to the multi-sport ethic. There’s a lot of you about, pal! The Ball Buster, for those readers not familiar with the clandestine world of the duathlon, involves five eight-mile loops of Box Hill – one run, two on the bike and another run – each of them ending by going up the zig-zag. That’s gotta hurt! The affable American beat almost a quarter of the entrants just by turning up, principally because there were 100 no-shows, and he crossed the line in 75th place out of 350 participants, which includes 22 who didn’t finish. Ed says: “Hopefully, this confession will encourage other hidden multi-sports competitors to climb out of hiding and into the sunshine of your newsletter.” We’re ready and waiting to hear from them, buddy!

This week’s latest round of nomenclature nonsense has worn us out, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone for all their contributions before we take a lie down. Always remember that we are a notorious name-dropper and we would be nothing without you, our big-name stars. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘SOUBRIQUET’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as this name game draws to a close, it only remains for us to remind you about…


9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a nametag.

7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride into Surrey, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

“To describe early bicycle-like machines, many inventors, critics, and scholars combined various root-words until the Franco-Greco-Latin word ‘vélocipède’ (velox: fast + ped: feet) became the first international name.”

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