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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #92, 24.03.06
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail news, views, and gossip to news@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click “newsletter” +++ Have a peek at our pics at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_personal.php?user_id=321 +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, showers, 13C max, wind SW 16mph; Sun, cloudy, 14C max, wind SW 14mph +++
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Exclusive deals for London Dynamo members at CycleFit, including:
5 per cent off Serotta, Elite TT and Glider frames
10 per cent off all parts, shoes and accessories (including Sidi, Rocket 7, Polar)
20 per cent off all CycleFitting, Cardio/Fitness Testing and Sidas Custom Footbeds
E-mail info@cyclefit.co.uk for details or see http://www.cyclefit.co.uk
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PLOT’S GOING ON?
+++ Disturbing ‘co-incidences’ take trio out of Dunsfold race +++
As a level-headed seeker of truth, your favourite fact-based Dyna-matic update has always scoffed at the more outlandish theories surrounding famous historical events – but in light of the strange occurrences in Dunsfold on Sunday, DYNAMITE! is beginning to believe that the Moon landings really were rigged up in Keith Butler’s back garden. It is surely no co-incidence that London Dynamo had a much larger turnout than any other club in the 3rds race and also ended up with more flat tyres than the rest of the field. It’s a conspiracy, Dynamates! Cheesed-off ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY, NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK and MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON all punctured almost simultaneously on the same bend, forcing them to retire on the first lap. Look closely on the tarmac and you’d probably find red, white and blue drawing pins scattered around bearing the name of A Certain Hampton Wick Retailer! Another disturbing move took place after the race when mid-bunch finisher CHRIS ‘CALAMITY’ CAMPBELL was cruelly omitted from the results sheet – but not even the shadowy puppet-masters of the Surrey League could deny the barmy blue, black and orange army’s domination of the top 10…
http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006_sl/9_dunsfold.html
Marking himself out once again as a name to watch, the indomitable RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS caught a late four-man break as they turned into the off-circuit finishing climb, bagging him 2nd place behind Army CU’s Pete Connelly. The bunch followed 20 seconds later, with PAUL DELAHUNTY, MICHAEL SNEYD and JOE ‘CHEEKY BEGGAR’ STEGERS taking 6th, 7th and 8th respectively. Awesome stuff! We’ve got a few more startling tales ready to hurl themselves towards you faster than a plastic plate spinning its way towards a sneaky photographer Roswell, New Mexico, so come with us we reveal what Nostradamus could never have predicted. Here comes the truth the authorities didn’t want you to know…
NOTTA LOTTA BOTTLE
+++ Hurry – Dynamo bidons going fast +++
The DYNAMITE! gallery’s exclusive picture of a Dynamo-branded water bottle generated a record number of hits within 24 hours of its appearance…
http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_pic.php?pic_id=211&sid=dd55646e77c78c7247bf0438aa9d539d
…so it came as no surprise that the picnic benches outside Roehampton Gate’s café resembled Nine Elms Market as genial barrow boy NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK flogged dozens of the dazzling bidons to eager buyers on Saturday. Supplies have dipped almost to halfway point, so make sure you stick around after the Parkride tomorrow to grab a few of the limited-edition blue-capped bottles at the bargain price of £6 for two or four for a tenner. They won’t be around for long!
RAIN IN SPAIN FALLS MAINLY ON THE PAINED
+++ Hayter and Spies go at it for 24 hours +++
Knobbly-tyred nutters STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES and WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER proved once again that Dynamo is the big tortilla in endurance events by taking part in Spain’s first-ever 24-hour mountain bike race. Will says of the Giant Internacional 24 Horas de MTB, which took place at the weekend near Coin in southern Spain: “We signed up with visions of sunshine and dusty trails, only to arrive in the middle of a three-day torrential downpour. It turned the course into a quagmire, covered our glamorous blue, black and orange attire in a thick layer of browny-red mud and soaked us to the skin on most laps.” Bad luck, chaps! Undeterred by the conditions, the Dynamo-ic duo battled against the field of Spanish and British teams to take 2nd in the men’s pairs event behind the 24-hour experts from energy bar outfit Team Torq. Nice work, fellas! Their gloriously tacky trophy certainly raised a smile…
http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_pic.php?pic_id=215
… and if they’re as puerile as this publication, Dynamo’s MTB representatives may have had a titter at the “Moist And Chewy” advertising slogan plastered across the winning team’s bottoms. That’s one outfit you don’t want to be wearing down Old Compton Street!
IT’S CHEST NOT FAIR
+++ Asthma attack scuppers Callinan’s chance of victory +++
A recent bout of bronchitis failed to stop PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN from entering the Maidenhead and District CC 30-mile hilly time trial on Sunday – and incredibly, the recovering Kingston killer was the fastest at the split with a time of 59:00. An asthma attack at the foot of the two-mile climb to the line meant he finished 02:03 behind the winning time of 01:13:39 posted by Chris Stocks of Team Orca UK – but 4th-placed Paul said of his impressive split: “It’s a good omen for the rest of the season when I recover.” He’ll probably be the breath by far!
KNOWING ‘MO, KNOWING YOU
+++ Cheeky City chap features in our get-to-Mo-you-better section +++
This week’s entrant in our ongoing bid to showcase lesser-known ‘Mos warns that some of his answers “contain an attempt at humour”, which sounds like our kind of Dynamate. Let the chuckles commence!
NAME: Jason Baran
AGE: 26
OCCUPATION: Generic City type
LOCATION: Tower of London
RACING CATEGORY: 4th
BIKE: A Lancey-likey Madone 5.9 SL
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN RIDING? Since November
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN A MEMBER? Since the end of January
WHY DID YOU JOIN THE CLUB? Nice website, nice kit, and a reputation for going fast!
WHAT ARE YOUR GOALS THIS SEASON? Move to as high a cat as possible, day-job permitting
WHAT HAS BEEN YOUR BEST-EVER EXPERIENCE ON A BIKE? Anytime the weather is sunny and travelling back through Clapham after the Saturday ride… guaranteed to be full of fine young fillies!
WHICH DYNAMATE’S BIKE DO YOU MOST ENVY AND WHY? A rather lovely red steel De Rosa. Dunno whose it is as it was parked by the café when I last saw it
WHICH DYNAMATE’S LEGS DO YOU MOST ENVY AND WHY? Think we need to get more women in the club before I can make a judgement
IF YOU HAD TO CHOOSE YOUR OWN DYNA-MONIKER, WHAT WOULD IT BE? “Crotch-Rocket”
HAS FORMER CLUB PRESIDENT GUY ANDREWS EVER SHOUTED AT YOU ON THE
PARKRIDE? IF SO, DID YOU FIND IS INSPIRING OR IRRITATING? Slighty irritating in that he was telling half the fast group on the Saturday ride to… not go fast
SEROTTA: HOTTER OR ROT? Hot – as in, if I ever managed to have one, it would probably be stolen.
LANCE OR TOM (BOONEN, NOT HEMMANT)? Lance, obviously!
GO BAR OR POWERBAR? No idea as I usually munch on Alpen bars and malt
loaves (or “energy bricks” as I like to call them)
FAVOURITE AND LEAST FAVOURITE PART OF THE NEWSLETTER? Favourite – the wild and crazy theme that runs through each letter. Least favourite – well it’s all good really! (i.e. when do I get my supply of energy stuff?)
FINALLY, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO KEN BUIST IF YOU MET HIM? Hello
Cheers, buddy! As Jason indicates, club sponsors Cyclefit are offering a month’s supply of Maximuscle energy and recovery drink to the best Knowing ‘Mo, Knowing You entry of the year, as judged by this publication’s editorial team – so remember to send back your completed questionnaire if you have been plucked from the DYNAMITE! Bucket of Luck (TM). You don’t need to be as blatant as Mr Barans to win!
THINGS CAN ONLY GET PETA
+++ McSharry is club’s very first Ladies’ Secretary +++
Following last week’s bid to encourage more female participation, Membership Co-ordinator DAVID ‘SMILER’ NORRIS has confirmed that PETA McSHARRY will take up the post of Ladies’ Secretary. Any Dynamettes who want to contact her can send a Dyna-mail to peta@sportsmassagezone.co.uk. Welcome aboard, pal!
…AND A FEW ‘MO THINGS…
+++ Third place for ADAM STONE at SERRL’s 4th cat race at Eastway – http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006/serrl_1_4.html +++ GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY 13th at Dunsfold 2/3 race – http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006_sl/8_dunsfold.html +++ Dynamo caps and spring gilets have been ordered – watch this space… +++
THERE’S KNOLL LEFT
The convoluted trail linking Princess Diana’s death to 9/11 and the grassy knoll at the scene of JFK’s assassination has left us tied up in knots, which means there’s just time to thank everyone who contributed to this issue before we begin untangling ourselves. Please remember that we are the best-selling Da Vinci Code, but we would be nothing without you, our lesser-known Holy Blood, Holy Grail. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘MAN IN BLACK’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, for one week only, is TUESDAY afternoon for Friday’s edition. This change is due to the editorial team jetting off to Mallorca on Thursday with the Dyna-management to prepare for the club’s highly-anticipated training camp. It is definitely not part of a grand conspiracy orchestrated on the upper floors of Dynamo Towers – honest! And now, as a svelte Elvis leaves the building alive and well, it only remains for us to remind you about…
THIS WEEK’S RIDES
SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.
SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.
9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and incontrovertible evidence of the Illuminati’s existence.
WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.
So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.
The DYNAMITE! team.
The DYNAMITE! Files 
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