DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #49, 08.04.05
SELL MATES
As a proudly independent publication, your favourite weekly Dynamatic update has staunchly rejected the grubby hand of commercialism throughout its distinguished history. But time moves on – and to celebrate the beginning of our second year, we thought it was only fitting to cast off the shackles of idealism so we could rake in a highly-prized selection of free gifts in return for a few hundred words of gleeful promotion. That’s right, Dynamates – you can expect to see the ingratiating phrase “our friends at Cyclefit” appearing in the next item as part of an advertorial feature designed to sell you a great service offered by the Macklin Street maestros. It’s a DYNAMITE first – and probably our last! This edition is also sponsored by our pun-loving pals at For Goodness Shakes – and fitness recovery drink guru STUART ‘POSTAL’ JEFFREYS has discovered that editorial space in the Dynamo e-mail of choice doesn’t come cheap. Greedy DYNAMITE! demanded an entire bottle of Stuart’s Great Choc Malt flavour drink for itself plus a Big Banana flavour for Mrs Dynamite and a saucer of either one for Sash The Unofficial Newsletter Cat. She’s lapping it up as we write – and now you can hop aboard the gravy train with us as we down our free drinks in one. Glug, glug, glug – here comes the first plug…
FAT’S AMAZING
In a shameless bid to impress Mrs Dynamite, we recently ventured out of our famous soundproof bunker to prove just how fit we are with a little help from – you guessed it, Dynamates – our friends at Cyclefit. The cycle science experts are currently offering VO2 max tests to the discerning pedal-pusher who wants to discover how he or she can train more effectively – and Covent Garden co-boss JULIAN ‘WONDER’ WALL took us through the relatively quick and pain-free process. First of all we told the compact chap our age, height and weight, which he then entered into his little box of tricks. Then we stripped down to just our bib shorts to avoid getting too hot and bothered later on. The things we do in the name of science! Half-naked, we clambered on a turbo, put a mask over our mouth which allowed Jules’s gizmo to pick up the amount of carbon dioxide we exhaled and pedalled like mad while the orange-clad technician gradually increasing the resistance. Around 18 panting minutes later, Julian’s clever gizmo had identified our fat burning zones – and amazingly, you can go faster for longer if you train within these magic numbers. It doesn’t get any more precise than that! The service usually costs £120 – but Dynamo members can get it for just £108. To make an appointment call 020 7430 0083 or e-mail info@cyclefit.co.uk. And tell them DYNAMITE! sent you!
GREAT SHAKES
After a tough 18 minutes of pedalling, we were pleased to have a swig or three from our bottle of For Goodness Shakes. Naturally, this wordplay-loving organ gives its blessing to any product with a winning pun, but STUART ‘POSTAL’ JEFFREYS’ sports recovery drink has also found a more objective fan in the form of race secretary PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN, who reckons the pre-mixed drink is just as good as powdery old Rego. Put his face on the bottle, Stu! The low-fat drink is an all-natural product which uses milk’s high biological value proteins for it’s world-class recovery performance – and we’ve managed to negotiate a special deal exclusively for Dynamates. For Goodness shakes costs from 99p to £1.39 in the shops – but you can have six for just £5. To take advantage of this exclusive offer, simply e-mail stuart_jeffreys@hotmail.com. How could anyone refuse a great bargain like that?
OVER THE MUMHAN
One member who probably could have done with one of Stuart’s tasty tipples is IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE, who dropped us a line to say he competed in Ireland’s second-biggest stage race in County Kerry at the end of last month with WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE and non-‘Mos Ed Perry, Russell Page and Simon Saunders. The five-man Surrey League team were delighted to win the yellow jersey in the first stage of the Ras Mumhan – pronounced “raws moon” – after Simon nailed the closing uphill sprint in Killorgin town centre. The 94-mile second stage threw up a category 1 climb called the Conor Pass and Warrick successfully bridged across to the gap on the climb to finish 9th. What a hero! Sunday comprised a time trial and a rainy afternoon stage which saw Warrick escape in a small chase group in the closing stage to finish 6th. The pony-tailed point-gobbler was in another chasing group for the last stage the next day in which he clinched 7th on both the stage and the final general classification. There’s no stopping him!
LOVELY BUBBLY
Ian was actually on the subs bench for Ras Mumhan until TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT pulled out due to work commitments – and Dynamo’s quiet man ended up having a spot of bother at Stoneleigh in the West Midlands on Saturday before taking 4th place at the Archer Spring road race on Sunday. Tom reveals that he was “well outclassed” at the first round of the elite circuit race series, adding: “It was so fast that the whole field was one long line.” He ground out his pedal on a corner and pulled out after 45 minutes to avoid stacking it. Wise move, mate! Retiring to the stands, Tom was able to watch WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE and three others bridge across a huge gap to big hitters Julian Winn, Dean Downing and James Taylor. Warrick bagged 3rd place after Downing took a flyer with one and a half laps to go – and Tom says: “Warrick got £250, some flowers and got to spray champagne everywhere.” And a peck from a podium girl, we hope!
RONDE THE BEND
Travel-loving powerhouse GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL is another Dynamate who took the Dynamo brand outside the capital this week – and as competitive as ever, he just had to go further afield than anyone else. The Trek-riding titan went to Belgium on Saturday to ride 90 miles of the Tour of Flanders course with around 1300 other nutters – and he reveals: “The climbs are very steep but short and the cobbled sections shake you to bits. I saw about 100 crashes. How the pros do it I’ll never know.” We don’t know either! The next day Guy watched Tom Boonen become a Belgian national hero by winning the Ronde van Vlaanderen with a 9km flyer to the line. The property mogul was in a town square with a giant video screen showing the race surrounded by 10,000 Belgians. So what was their reaction when Boonen won? “Total madness!”
SOULED OUT
We’ve finally come to our senses and realised that we’ve sold our souls for a few delicious milkshakes and the chance to pedal semi-nude in front of JULIAN “WONDER’ WALL. We’ll be back in one week’s time when we hope to have recovered a little of our dignity – so until then, please remember we are a worthless wretch and we would be nothing without you, our redeeming readership and kind contributors. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘CORPORATE’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – but PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO THIS ADDRESS if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition And now, as we say three Hail Marys to atone for our sins, it only remains for us to remind you about…
THIS WEEK’S RIDES
SATURDAY
The Parkride Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate, 9am Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.
SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. 50ish miles at a steady pace Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a gift bag.
WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm Canter to Surrey and back.
So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.
The DYNAMITE! team.
THE SMALL PRINT
FRIDAY, MARCH 25- MONDAY, MARCH 28: CREDIT UNION RAS MUMHAN, COUNTY KERRY, IRELAND, FINAL GENERAL CLASSIFICATION: 1 John Dempsey (Dan Morrissey Carrick Wheelers) 10.40.26; 2 Conor Murphy (Kanturk CUCC) +01; 3 Paul Griffin (Earl Of Desmond) +57; 4 Eugene Moriarty (Cycleways.com); 5 Brian Keane (Leinster Cycling Federation) +1.28; 6 Martin O’Loughlin (Dan Morrissey Carrick Wheelers) +1.41; 7 WARRICK SPENCE (SURREY LEAGUE) 3.34; 8 Rory Wyley (Dan Morrissey Carrick Wheelers) +3.36; 9 Simon Saunders (Surrey League) +4.04; 10 Miceal Concannon (Killorglin Credit Union) +6.08.
SATURDAY, APRIL 2 – BIKE SHOW CIRCUIT CUP, STONELEIGH SHOW GROUND, E/1: 1 Dean Downing (recycling.co.uk); 2 James Taylor (www.sportscoaching.com) +9secs; 3 WARWICK SPENCE (LONDON DYNAMO); 4 Steven Higgins (JE James) 5 Simon Gaywood (Luton) 6 Oli Beckinsale (Scott UK) +11secs 7 Julian Winn (Pinarello) +13secs; 8 Jamie Newall (Evans Cycles) +21secs; 9 Phil Spencer (Trek); 10 Geoffrey Beetham (Shokwave) +33secs; 11 James Notely (cyclestore.co.uk); 12 Jody Crawforth (Evans Cycles) +48secs; 13 Ian Bibby (Trek) +51secs; 14 Gerry Bowditch (Shokwave); 15 Stuart Bowers (Richey CycleOps) +53secs; 16 Justin Hoy (Evans Cycles) 17 James Williams (Ritchey CycleOps); 18 George Richardson (Mercury CycloOps); 19 Russell Downing (recycling.co.uk); 20 Ian Holt (Viner Bikes); 21 Ian Field (Trek); 22 Tom Smith (Viner Bikes); 23 Vincent Halpern (Twickenham); 24 Matthew Higgins (Unatt); 25 Chris Tune (Viner Bikes); 26 Dave Collins (Scott); 27 Nick Craig (Scott); 28 Malcolm Elliot (Pinarello).
SATURDAY, APRIL 2 – SURREY LEAGUE/ADDISCOMBE CC, NORWOOD HILL, 3/J/W, 52 MILES: 1 Justin Lomas (Norwood Paragon) 02:06:35; 2 Steve Calland (Norwood Paragon) +030; 3 Russell Painter (Norwood Paragon); +1:32; 4 Matthew Rugman (Kingsnorth) +1:42; 5 Tim Lawn (Kingston Wheelers) +3:14; 6 Robert Fallon (Fit-For) +3:55; 7 Stuart Grimes (Team Axiom) 8 Marlon Moncrieffe (unatt); 9 Toni Bond (TM Racing); 10 Ian O’Hara (Sydenham Wheelers); 11 George Higgs (Brighton Excelsior); 12 Brian Tidey (Addiscombe); 13 Mark Cole (Addiscombe); 14 ROB TUBBS (LONDON DYNAMO); 15 Brian Molloy (Epsom); 16 Neil MacLennan (Team Corridori); 17 Simon Thomson (Agiskoviner); 18 Marek Siwicki (Addiscombe); 19 Julian Rickard (Epsom); 20 Dillon Adams (Norwood Paragon); 21 Duncan Murdoch (Redhill); 22 Tony Gordon (Pearson Cycles); 23 Robert Jeffroy (London Dynamo); 24 Kevin Butchart (Twickenham); 25 DAVID STREULE (LONDON DYNAMO); 26 Thorsten Klassen (Kingston Wheelers); 27 TOM LANGLEY (LONDON DYNAMO); 28 William Thomas (Viner Agisko); 29 Ben Dallison (Twickenham); 30 Dan Bartley (Redhill); 31 Peter Patterson (unatt); 32 Richard Varian (Epsom); +1 Lap; 33 Richard Barrowclough (Team Sport & Publicity); 34 Hannah Reynolds (Evans Cycles).
TUESDAY, APRIL 4 – ARCHER SPRING ROAD RACE, 50 MILES: 1 Edward Whitehorn (Glendene CC/Bike Trax); 2:04:40; 2 A. McCaffrey (Alpha RC/Corley Cycles); 3 J. Stewart (Agiskoviner.com); 4 C. McNamara (Ewhurst Controls/Wildside Cycles); 5 TOM HEMMANT (LONDON DYNAMO) +0.25; 6 P. Holdsworth (Hounslow and District Wheelers); 7 T. Crouch (Team Synergy); 8 Y. Milliere (Kingston Wheelers); 9 M. Freeman (Wills Wheels RT); 10 A. Holding (Ewhurst Controls/Wildside Cycles); 11 S. Kilroy (Glendene CC/Biketrax); 12 unidentified; 13 S. McNamara (Ewhurst Controls/Wildside Cycles); 14 J. Edwards (Ewhurst Controls/Wildside Cycles); 15 M. Sussex (Ewhurst Controls/Wildside Cycles); 16 M. Metayer (Sport and Publicity); 17 E. Medelling (Sport & Publicity); 18 M. Gardner (Glendene CC/Biketrax); 19 H. Furniss (Ride Beyond); 20 M. Wellington (Alpha RC/Corley Cycles); 21 S. McManus (Agiskoviner.com); 22 N. Hodgson (Severn RC); 23 B. Perez (Agiskoviner.com); 24 P. Holloway (Southend); 25 B. Heaslip (Kenton RC); 26 J. Poynter (Ride Beyond); 27 V. Divine (Luton CC/Bandon Cleaning); 28 D. Pembroke (Agiskoviner.com); 29 R. Basford (Ride Beyond); 30 M. Porter (Glendene CC/Biketrax); 31 S. Humpherson (London Dynamo/Cyclefit.co.uk); 32 N. Campbell (Team Milton Keynes/Corley Cycles); 33 N. O’Briend (Tm Quest/The Bike Shop); 34, L. Chaplin (Twickenham/Evans/Natures Kiss); 35 R. Simpson (unatt); 36 N. Smith (Twickenham/Evans/Natures Kiss); 37 R. Clewes (Swindon Wh).
THE LAST WORD
“I said: ‘Remember what Bobet has been through (a major op to remove masses of pus from his back, taking seven hours of surgery). Simo looked straight at me and said: ‘Who gives a f**k about Bobet?'”
The DYNAMITE! Files 
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