DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #50, 15.04.05
PIC OF THE BUNCH
It has often been said that a picture paints a thousand words, but whoever subscribes to this saying has clearly not waded through DYNAMITE! during its first half-century run of dense narrative-based bulletins. Regular readers will know that the south-east’s favourite Dynamatic news update prefers to use approximately 1,000 to 2,000 words per week to paint a rather fetching picture of the capital’s most chronicled cycle crew – unless, of course, it wants to identify a dubiously-dressed Parkrider by means of a photograph in the now-defunct Mo Or No? section of our website edition. And that’s not likely to happen again in a hurry! Thankfully, not all members are text maniacs like us, and we are pleased to report that a couple of training campers have captured the club’s recent Mallorcan jaunt for posterity with their hi-tech box Brownies. That’s right, Dynamates – dozens of their sun-kissed images have surfaced on the web, so smack on the factor 15 and turn up the brightness knob on your monitor as we transport you to sunnier climes via a four handy links. Here come the first rays…
GITT A LOAD OF THAT!
It’s been the most talked-about Dynamo spill ever – and now every member can see how ‘INCREDIBLE’ IAN JENKINSON forcibly gave a German tourist’s car a brand new rear ventilation system after coming unstuck down Mallorca’s mighty Puig Major. He sure knows how to make a big impact! The hardy redhead’s insurance claim photo and many other pictures which he shot on the Spanish island are currently on JONATHAN GITTOS website – simply click on http://www.gittos.com/album/index.php?gallery=./Ian_Med to have a look at what happens when 15-odd stone of northern English power collides with precision American engineering. It ain’t pretty! If the image has really made a dent in your consciousness, then you can download the pic or any others from Ian’s gallery at http://www.gittos.com/album/index.php?gallery=./IAN. Tech-head Jonathan has also posted more than 100 pictures taken by unofficial camp photographer ED ‘THE MAN’ McKINLEY at http://www.gittos.com/album/index.php?gallery=./Dynamo_Med – or click http://www.gittos.com/album/index.php?gallery=./DYNAMO for downloadable versions. Marvel at the breathtaking scenery – and turn a merciful eye away from the grimacing faces going up the climbs!
ANOTHER VINE MESS
There have been plenty of great Dynamo results during the last few weeks – but for DYNAMITE! the season doesn’t truly begin until TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT’s name has been excruciatingly mangled on a finishing sheet. In a fit of blind optimism, we withheld the news that a certain Tom Kemmant came 4th at Hillingdon’s E/1/2/3 race last week, thinking that perhaps there was a newcomer to the cycling scene with a similar name to Dynamo’s quiet man. Alas, after speaking to the Putney-based point-grabber himself, we can confirm that Kemmant is, in fact, Hemmant – and unbelievably, he’s listed as an Agisko Viner rider. The nerve of some people! Level-headed as ever, Tom didn’t let the moniker mix-up affect him when he turned up again at the west London circuit on Tuesday riding his flash new Serotta and packing a cool grand in cash in his jersey pocket. Talk about bling, ya badass! The crit killer, who had to be satisfied with a bunch finish this time around, reveals: “I was off to buy a replacement for my banger because I had taken learner driver CHRIS ‘CALAMITY’ CAMPBELL out to practice his three point turns and he was so heavy on the clutch that the next time I used the car it had totally gone.” Tom adds that he is “just kidding”, but somehow we don’t believe him! His housemate CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN put in a low-key start to the season this week at Sunday’s 3rd cat contest at Castle Combe where he witnessed DARREN MINSHALL tough it out on the windy, pan-flat course to claim 6th place in the 4s race. The graduate of the beginners’ series spent most of the 46km distance on the front – and Chris says: “It was a great result to get a points finish in such tough conditions.” Amazingly, the hard-riding fella took 3rd at Hillingdon the previous day after leading out the sprint, giving fitness drink guru STUART ‘POSTAL’ JEFFREYS a drafting to 4th place. Darren says: “Not a bad weekend for me, really.” Not bad at all, pal! GORDON KENNEWAY also dropped us a note to let us know that TOM ‘TUFTY’ DAVIES briefly got into a doomed two-man break at Barcombe last week before dropping back at the 20-mile mark and settling for 9th in an uphill sprint. According to Gordon, who nabbed 5th in the 52-mile 3rd cat race, his lank-haired team-mate was “sucking at his gels like a baby on his mother”. If only they tasted as pleasant!
PARK STRIFE
Dynamo newcomers have been packing out the Parkride in the past few weeks with the aim of one day following in the heroic pedal strokes of Gordon, Darren and the two Toms, so PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN has asked us to remind everyone that they must be kind to beginners. The club’s race secretary says: “I took the slow group a month ago and had to evict a few speed muppet merchants. They were completely screwing it up for everyone, getting high off revving the group and hurting people below their ability.” That’s not on, chaps – and you don’t want to see Paul when he’s angry. So go in one of the faster groups next time or behave!
SNAPPED SHUT
The final page of our photo album has been turned and so we must close our window on the world of Dynamo for another week. Snappy snaps can get our pictures developed in just one hour but it will take a whole week to get another issue of DYNAMITE! out. During that time, please remember that we are a megapixel digital camera but we would be nothing without you, our focussed aperture. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘EXPOSURE’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – but PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO THIS ADDRESS if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the over-developed prints begin to fade to a mouldy yellow, it only remains for us to remind you about…
THIS WEEK’S RIDES
SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.
SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. 50ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a tripod.
WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Canter to Surrey and back.
So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.
The DYNAMITE! team.
THE SMALL PRINT
SUNDAY, APRIL 3 – SURREY LEAGUE, BARCOMBE, 3/J, 52 MILES: 1 Justin Lomas (Norwood Paragon); 2 William Thomas (Viner Agisko); 3 Steve Calland (Norwood Paragon); 4 Peter Georgi (VC de Londres) 5 GORDON KEENEWAY (LONDON DYNAMO); 6 Dillon Adams (Norwood Paragon); 7 Tony Stubbens (unatt); 8 Chris White (TM Racing); 9 TOM DAVIES (LONDON DYNAMO); 10 Robert Fallon (Fit-For); 11 Russell Shingles (unatt); 12 Matt Green (Crawley); 13 Keith Bugden (Pearson Cycles); 14 Russell Childs (Twickenham); 15 Toni Bond (TM Racing); 16 Jon Hayes (Brighton Excelsior); 17 Martin Snow (unatt); 18 Rik Taub (In Gear Quickvit).
TUESDAY, APRIL 5 – CENTRAL BC WEST THAMES/BATH ROAD CLUB CIRCUIT RACE, HILLINGDON, E/1/2/3, 40KM: 1 Brett Perez (Agiskoviner) 0.50.09; 2 Lewis Atkins (Glendene) st; 3 Joel Stewart (Agiskoviner) st; 4 TOM HEMMANT (LONDON DYNAMO) st; 5 Matt Talbot (Glendene); 6 Robert Taylor (Alltrax) +3secs.
SATURDAY, APRIL 9 – BEYOND MTB CRITS, HILLINGDON, 4/W, 45MINS: 1 Jamie Howes (Twickenham); 2 Paul Caton (Verulam); 3 DARREN MINSHALL (LONDON DYNAMO); 4 STUART JEFFERIES (LONDON DYNAMO); 5 Philip Murphy (Milton Keynes); 6 TBA.
SUNDAY, APRIL 10, SOUTH CIRCUIT LEAGUE (3/7), CASTLE COMBE RACE CIRCUIT. CHIPPENHAM, 4/J, 46KM: 1 Luke Rowe (Cardiff Ajax); 2 Richard Everington (Chippenham and District Wheelers); 3 Mark Rickaby (unatt); 4 Jeff Garner (Newbury); 5 Phil Finnemore (Cheltenham and County); 6. DARREN MINSHALL (LONDON DYNAMO); 7 MARK ROBINSON (Chippenham and District Wheelers); 8 IainCollins (Newbury); 9 Andrew Davis (unatt).
THE LAST WORD
“When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that the Lord doesn’t work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.”
The DYNAMITE! Files 
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