DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #51, 22.04.05
NET GAIN
As the season approaches full tide, it’s becoming plain to sea that London Dynamo likes to cast its net far and wide as it fishes for yet more plaice-ings at races all over the country. This week has been no exception – so it is with great pleasure that we greet you with a warm whelk-ome to another trawl through familiar waters before reeling in further proof of why we’re the bass-t of the bunch. In a fishy tail that will warm your cockles, one of our point-gobbling sharks reveals how he left the opposition founder-ing at a time trial in a northern town that is home to millions of tiny, shelled shore-dwelling creatures – and it was a case of shoal or nothing as a Dyna-minnow gave a surprising show of form at Eastway. His performance was certainly worth whiting for! So come with us as we reveal how Dynamo’s defeated rivals were left to mullet over once again. Here comes somefin to trout about…
SWEATEST VICTORY
Sea-blue was the colour for TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT on Saturday as he won the prologue and the leader’s cobalt-coloured jersey at cockle-loving Morecambe Bay on Saturday. Water result! The 2nd and 3rd stages were held later that same day – which meant the whiffy boy wonder had to give his unwashed, sweat-soaked top to new No.1 Neil Swithenbank of MK Cycles after losing a couple of minutes during stage two. You stinker! The super-fast evening crit saw Tom get in a break that was caught with one lap to go, leaving him to settle for 7th in the sprint. On Sunday’s fourth and final stage, Dynamo’s quiet man took the No.6 spot as part of a three-man chasing group, which bagged him 6th place overall. Nice one, pal! No doubt the locals in the northern seaside town were impressed by Tom’s spanking-new Serotta, which he describes as “a pleasure” to ride. He gushed: “It fits perfectly and is comfortable yet nice and stiff for sprinting.” Our friends at Cyclefit will be pleased to hear it! Plucky 4th cat STUART ‘POSTAL’ JEFFREYS, who was suffering from a cold, admits he had “a tough couple of days” during the hilly 274km all-comers race but still managed to finish each stage when 2nd cat riders were pulling out – and Tom reckons that the zebra-striped Parkride regular provided “the best result of the weekend” by finally removing the mudguards from his trusty Cougar. Tom added: “His racing career can only improve from here.” You said it, mate! Stuart’s fellow 4th catter CHRIS ‘CALAMITY’ CAMPBELL had an easier time at Eastway where months of training under long-suffering coach PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN finally bore fruit as he nailed 2nd place in a four-man sprint, narrowly missing out on the top spot by half a wheel. The fella with the abundant facial hair only had nine other contenders to deal with, perhaps because everyone else had gone to Thruxton where DARREN ‘PACKING ‘EM’ MINSHALL – officially the Hardest Working Man In Dynamo, clocking up two races per weekend – witnessed some crazy novice crashes, including one right on the finishing line. That’s quite some feat! Talking of coming off, NICK ‘BOMBSHELL’ PEACOCK’s young daughters told him they were “impressed” that he managed to stay upright on Sunday during the 3rd cat race at glorious Goodwood, which saw their dad take 10th after his three-man break failed – and ROB ‘ALL-WEATHER’ TUBBS finished two places ahead of him. Lovely stuff! Meanwhile, hard-riding IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE visited Brenchley in Kent for the South East Road Race League’s 2/3/4 event. He went off on the second lap and nabbed 6th with a little help from RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT, who blocked the front of the tough 100km race while around half of the field gradually pulled out. But tough nut JOE ‘CHEEKY BEGGAR’ STEGERS isn’t one to just give up – and he finished 10th by beating the rest of the chasing group. Nice work, sir! Finally, compact killer SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON made an appearance at Hillingdon on Tuesday where he won the sprint in the E/1/2/3 race after the placings were decided by a six-man break. And that marks the end of another hectic racing week!
KENNEWAY WATCH!
Every Oasis has its No Way Sis, every Coke has its Pepsi – and now Dynamo’s most successful brand has finally earned its very own tribute act. Step forward GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY, a man whom CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN describes as the “spitting image” of enigmatic New Zealander KEN BUIST. We don’t know if that’s a blessing or a curse! The club’s Dyna-mystery man has been even harder to locate then ever recently, so we’re opening up the much-loved Ken Watch! feature to include sightings of Gordon. Remember, we want to know where he was and what he was doing when you saw him. No detail is too trivial or obsessive. And Ken, if you’re reading this – get in touch, pal!
HITTING THE SQUIDS
You’ve probably got a bit of a haddock after herring so many piscine puns – but DYNAMITE! can net sea wet trawl the huss is a boat, for cod’s hake. On second thoughts, perhaps our sea-based wordplay is an annoying halibut. But pike it or not, we would like you to remember that we are just a little worm and we would be nothing without you, our sharp hook. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘BREAM’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – but PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO THIS ADDRESS if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we pack away our mighty rod, it only remains for us to remind you about…
THIS WEEK’S RIDES
SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.
SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a bicycle small enough for a goldfish.
WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Canter to Surrey and back.
So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.
The DYNAMITE! team.
THE SMALL PRINT
TUESDAY, APRIL 12 – CENTRAL BC WEST THAMES CIRCUIT RACE, HILLINGDON, E/1/2/3, 40KM: 1 Colin Roshier (Team Quest); 2 Joel Stuart (Agiskoviner.com); 3 Mark Bruce (unatt); 4 Tony Gibb (Team DFL); 5 WARRICK SPENCE (LONDON DYNAMO); 6 Paul Crook (Angliasport).
SATURDAY, APRIL 16 – EASTERN LEE VALLEY YOUTH CC SERIES, EASTWAY, 4s, 40KM: 1 Pete Manley (Essex Roads); 2 CHRIS CAMPBELL (LONDON DYNAMO); 3 Keiran Dunlea (PCA/Ciclos Uno); 4 Ian Randall (Essex Roads); 5 Connor Murphy (Victoria); +0.35; 6 Alan Sherman (unatt); 7 Paul Jacobi (Hillingdon) @1 lap.
SATURDAY, APRIL 16 – SOUTH OMEGA THRUXTON CIRCUITS, THRUXTON MOTOR CIRCUIT, ANDOVER, 4/W/J, 40KM: 1 Iain Collins (Newbury); 2 Marcus Duffin (i-team.co.uk/www.wheel2wheel4bikes.com/OnEleven); 3 Phil Finnemore (Cheltenham and County); 4 Martin Aldam (unatt); 5 Johnny Porter (Somerset); 6 James Stringer (Sotonia); 7 Lee Weston (SP Systems/Wightlink RT/MCS/The Sign Shop); 8 Duncan Hards (VC Meudon/Evolution/Cycle Kingdom/Colbournes/HFC); 9 DARREN MINSHALL (LONDON DYNAMO); 10 Neil Parnell (Newport Phoenix); 11 Richard Bremner (North Hants); 12 Paul Stringer (Sotonia); 13 Tom Finnemore (www.cyclelogic.co.uk).
SATURDAY, APRIL 16 – SUNDAY, APRIL 17 – MORECAMBE BAY 2 DAY RR, SALT AYRE SPORTS CENTRE, 1/2/3/4/W, 240KM, FINAL OVERALL: 1 Neil Swithenbank (MK Cycles); 2 Steve Feeny (Chester); 3 Mark Turnball (Leigh Premier); 4 Robert Palmer (Bicycle Works); 5 Lewis Craven (Wheelbase); 6 TOM HEMMANT (LONDON DYNAMO); 7 Mark Westwood (Liverpool Century); 8 Alistair Watt (C21 Multisport); 9 Simon Earnest (Commencell); 10 Stuart Reed (Wheelbase); 11 Gary Vose (Luune); 12 Phil Holwell (Rutland); 13 Alan Wood (Red Rose Olympic); 14 Simon Bridge (Leigh Premier); 15 Roy Hunt (Rock Lobster); 16 Lee Feeney (Chester); 17 Duncan Orme (Lancaster); 18 Nathan Turnball (Leigh Premier).
STAGE 1, TIME TRIAL: 1 TOM HEMMANT (LONDON DYNAMO); 2 Henry Furniss (Beyond MTB); 3 Stuart Reed (Wheelbase); 4 Neil Swithenbank (MK Cycles); 5 Chris Belsham (York Cycle Works); 6 Mark Westwood (Liverpool Century).
STAGE 2, 70km: 1 Neil Swithenbank (MK Cycles); 2 Stephen Feeny (Chester); 3 Lee Feeny (Chester); 4 Nathan Turnball (Leigh Premier); 5 Phil Holwell (Rutland); 6 Stuart Reed (Wheelbase); 7 Simon Earnest (Commencell); 8 Simon Bridge (Leigh Premier); 9 Gary Vose (Luune); 10. TOM HEMMANT (LONDON DYNAMO).
STAGE 3, 53km: 1 Mark Westwood (Liverpool Century); 2 Simon Earnest (Commencell); 3 Chris Belsham (York Cycle Works); 4 Alistair Watt (C21 Multisport); 5 Simon Bridge (Leigh Premier); 6 Steve McEwen (Pedal Power); 7 TOM HEMMANT (LONDON DYNAMO); 8 Russell Brass (Clayton Velo); 9 Robert Palmer (The BicycleWorks.com); 10 Paulo Brucciani (Luune RC).
STAGE 4: 1 Chris Belsham (York Cycle Works); 2 Henry Furniss (Beyond MTB); 3 Robert Palmer (Bicycle Works); 4. Mark Turnball; 5 Lewis Craven (Wheelbase); 6 TOM HEMMANT (LONDON DYNAMO); 7 Neil Swithenbank (MK Cycles); 8 Steve Feeny (Chester); 9 Alistair Watt (C21 Multisport); 10 Mark Westwood (Liverpool Century).
SUNDAY, APRIL 17 – SURREY LEAGUE, GOODWOOD, 3/J/W, 50 MILES: 1 Steve Calland (Norwood Paragon); 1:56:02; 2 Tony Cosstick (Hounslow and District Wheelers); 3 Thorsten Klassen (Kingston Wheelers); 4 Raymond Healey (Twickenham); 5 Mario Manelfi (agiskoviner.com); 6 Tony Stubbens (unatt); 7 Paul Gosling (Brighton Excelsior); 8 ROB TUBBS (LONDON DYNAMO); 9 Bryan Long (unatt); 10 NICK PEACOCK (LONDON DYNAMO); 11 Neil Robertson (Fit-For); 12 Michael Wickham (Velocity The Exercise Deck); 13 Shaun Smart (Southdown Velo); 14 Toks Adesanya (Addiscombe); 15 Toni Bond (TM Racing); 16 Stephen Knight (Team Axiom); 17 Trevor Beauchamp (Liphook Cycles); 18 Garry Timlick (GS Helix-Maestro); 19 Keith Bugden (Pearson Cycles); 20 Andrew Harvey (Kingston Wheelers); 53 Mark Skinner (Brighton Mitre).
SUNDAY, APRIL 17 – SURREY LEAGUE, GOODWOOD, 4/3W/4W, 30 miles: 1 Mark Hubbard (TM Racing); 2 Matthew Hinkley (Army CU); 3 Sean Keith (TM Racing); 4 Steve Bullimore (Crawley Wheelers); 5 Dick Crane (Crawley Wheelers); 6 Shannon Durrant (Pearson Cycles); 7 David Bacon (TM Racing); 8 Elliot Storey (PCA Ciclos Uno); 9 Matthew Stallion (Twickenham); 10 James Bates (agiskoviner.com); 11 C Mison (North Hants); 12 Carl Walker (Addiscombe); 13 P Benke (North Hants); 14 B Tooke (North Hants); 15 Mark Kinp (North Hants); 16 Jeff Triner (North Hants); 17 Clive Copeland (unatt); 18 David Pearson (San Fairy Ann); 19 Christopher Parker (Hastings and St Leonards); 20= John Willis (Eastbourne Rovers); 20= JUSTIN SIMS (LONDON DYNAMO); 20= Andrew Parle (Lewes Wanderers); 20= Roland Kusay (Redhill); 20= Ross Davies (unatt); 20= Bruce English (Lewes Wanderers); 20= Simon Spencer (Velocity The Exercise Deck); 20= Hannah Bussey (VC Meudon); 20= Simon Hazeldine (Addiscombe) 20= Jon Rodgers (Worthing Excelsior); 20 Allan Hopkins (Redhill); 20= Richard Sanders (Redhill); 20= Mark Durrant (Pearson Cycles); 20= Chris Latimer (Angliasport); 20= Anthony Rogers Brighton (Excelsior); 20= Russell Cross (TM Racing); 20= Alan Brooks (Crawley); 20= Stephen Cotterill (Fit-For); 20= P Beecher (Brighton Mitre); 20= Eugene Bardwell (Southdown Velo); 20= R Doick (VC Etoile); 20= Simon Russell (Brighton Excelsior); 20= Joss Davies (Sussex Nomads); 43 Keith Stokes (A3CRG); 57 Tim Sales (Redhill).
SUNDAY, APRIL 17 – BRENCHLEY SERRL EVENT 3, 2/3/4, 100KMS: 1 Mark Sussex (Tunbridge Wells); 2 Nick Dibble (Climb On Bikes); 3 James Kemp (Swansea); 4 Kevin Tye (Poshbikes); 5 Anne Boorsma (Dulwich Paragon); 6 IAN PAINE (LONDON DYNAMO); 7 Julian Clark (VC Deal); 8 Matt Rugmann (Kingsnorth); 9 Seth Kay (Poshbikes); 10 JOE STEGERS (LONDON DYNAMO).
THE LAST WORD
“He’s like the Wicked Witch. ‘Sand, oh no! I’m melting!'”
The DYNAMITE! Files 
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