DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #53, 06.05.05
POLL OR NOTHING
Cunning, overwhelming ambition and the determination to betray an ally for the sake of personal glory are the key attributes required if you want to triumph in our first-past-the-post system – but for one day every few years, the club’s Dyna-managers put these ruthless race tactics to one side so they can engage in the comparatively sedate world of national politics. That’s right, Dynamates – election fever gripped Dynamo Towers this week as PAUL ‘CANDIDATE’ CALLINAN drove off to our local polling station – and he agreed to give RUSSELL ‘HUSTINGS’ SHORT a lift. The little fella would never reach the ballot box without our helpful race secretary hoisting him by his armpits! Self-styled revolutionaries GUY ‘GUEVARA’ ANDREWS and PHIL ‘ENGELS’ CAVELL were stuck in the top-floor bar for hours, knocking back a bidon or three of Cytomax as they bemoaned the inability of the three major parties to commit a bloody revolution which would end with the abolition of the monarchy and the establishment of a benign dictatorship based in Macklin Street, London, WC2. Meanwhile, down in our famous soundproof bunker, DYNAMITE! has chosen to exercise our Dynamo-cratic right by giving it to someone who doesn’t have a voice on this important occasion – or indeed any other. We’re talking, of course, about Sash The Unofficial Newsletter Cat. Our favourite serendipity kitty will determine who gets our votes based on whether she drinks milk from her red, blue or yellow bowl. It’s going to be a nail-biter! The general election will already have reached a dull anti-climax by the time this Dyna-manifesto pops into your inbox, but we hope to wake you up again as we reveal how STUART ‘POSTAL VOTE’ JEFFREYS livened up a sedate campaign by running a different kind of race at Crowhurst – and we’ll quash rumours of TOM ‘HUNG PARLIAMENT’ HEMMANT rigging the result at Crystal Palace from the comfort of his armchair. So with a Liberal helping of goodwill from you, the kind electorate, we’ll now begin our weekly Labour of love. Here comes the same old Tory…
WHO’S THAT GUY?
The mantelpiece in Dynamo’s Solna Avenue branch groaned yet again on Sunday as LUCY ‘DEMURE’ DOVE brought home another addition to the communal silverware collection. The hardy Dynamette was the ladies’ winner at the 213-strong Thames Turbo sprint triathlon on Sunday, completing the bike stage in 00:35:47 and posting an overall time of 01:06:35. Lovely stuff! Her fella TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT was the 4th-placed 1st cat in the Chas Messenger stage race final general classification – and as a reward for completing 274km in three days, he treated himself to an evening watching football on Tuesday. You deserved it, pal! Amazingly, the Putney Hill hero managed to come 5th at Crystal Palace while slumped at home in his armchair, prompting speculation that TOM ‘TUFTY’ DAVIES’ surname had been mistakenly spelled “Hemnant” on the finishing sheet after he pulled the field around the south London park at a fearsome pace for the final few laps. In fact, the mystery ‘Mo nabbing the No.5 spot in the 3rd cat race was none other than GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL taking his second delivery of points in less than a week following his 10th place at Crowhurst on Sunday. Both Guy and Tom H are quite tall and they are known to wear Dynamo jerseys at races – with eerie similarities like that, it’s no wonder their identities got confused! Hemmant’s housemate CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN finished 10th at Palace and staged an impressive win at Eastway three days earlier by staying away on his own for the last three laps of the circuit. Nice one, fella! The 50km TLI race also saw chirpy South African STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES finishing 9th – and he reveals: “Chris sacrificed himself for me in the prime which I mistimed and let two punks get past me.” They must have been feeling lucky! The eager duo went to Lea Valley because Crowhurst was full, but given the fate that befell PIERS ‘PRESSURE’ STANSFIELD, they’re probably counting their blessings that they didn’t pre-enter the Surrey League race. The big sprinter landed on his face after being involved in a nasty crash with several other riders including GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY and RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON during the twitchy final lap of the 3rd cat event. Piers came off the worst – and DYNAMITE! hopes he’ll be back on his bike soon. The 4s race earlier the same day was a far less dramatic affair, with DARREN ‘PACKING ‘EM’ MINSHALL and ROBERT PRITCHARD taking 5th and 9th respectively in the bunch sprint, while virgin racer JONATHAN GITTOS, who crossed the line with a big grin on his face, says of his first race: “It was as much fun as I’ve had in years.” That’s what we like to hear! Slightly more puzzling was STUART ‘POSTAL’ JEFFREYS’ behaviour. Darren reveals: “One of his spokes went halfway through the race so he was forced to retire. He then decided to run a lap of the six-mile course instead. He had trouble keeping up with the bunch on foot.” We bet he did!
TOP THAT
Land’s End, John O’Groats, Limoges, Pollencia, the Czech Republic – these are just a few of the far-flung locations that have been privileged to accept a visit from the capital’s most intrepid pedal pushers. But now one Dynamate has outdone us all by taking the Dynamo brand to the most exotic location imaginable. Step forward international loverboy DOMINIC ‘I WANT IT ALL’ PAUL, who reveals that a local rag in Barbados featured a picture of him proudly wearing his Dynamo top. The high-achieving triathlete quips: “I bet Cyclefit will get loads more business because of that!” Loved-up Dom has been honeymooning in the Caribbean for the past five weeks and he gave his wife a real treat early last month by allowing her to watch him win the Barbados National Triathlon Championships. What a gent! Having got his picture in the paper for coming 1st, Dom moved on to the St Croix half Ironman on Sunday, where he came 36th overall in a field of more than 750 competitors. Dominic says: “It was the toughest course I have ever done – bike had 1,500 vertical metres of ascent and run had 350 metres. It was horrendously hot. The Parkride will never seem the same again!” Back in Blighty, Dom’s fellow triathlete MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON came second overall in the Thames Turbo sprint triathlon on Monday with a time of 0:59:18 – and that was just a day after the Weybridge wonder did 0:57:01 at a 25-mile time trial in Horsham, which landed him 13th place among 120 competitors. Martin boasts: “Doing the time trial in well under the hour was one of my aims of the season. First cat licence is my only goal now.” The way he’s going, he’ll probably get it!
BOWLED OVER
Incredibly, Sash has scuppered our electoral experiment by turning her nose up at all three bowls of semi-skimmed milk. It’s full fat or nothing for this furry little madam! It will be years before Britain next decides who will govern, but it will be only one week until we deliver our Dynamoid vision for the future. Until then, always remember that we are the returning officer, but we would be nothing without you, our electoral roll. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and sightings of the elusive KEN ‘MONSTER RAVING LOONY’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you’re reading this on e-mail. The deadline is now back to Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the polling station closes, it only remains for us to remind you about…
THIS WEEK’S RIDES
SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.
SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a blue, orange and black rosette.
WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Canter to Surrey and back.
So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.
The DYNAMITE! team.
THE SMALL PRINT
SATURDAY, APRIL 30 – MONDAY, MAY 2 – CHAS MESSENGER STAGE RACE, HILLINGDON CYCLE CIRCUIT, E/1/2/3, 274KM, FINAL RANKINGS: 1 Kevin Dawson (Planet X) 6:33:04; 2 Duncan Urqhart (VinerBikes/Agisko) +0.00.11; 3 Phil Dixon (Team DFL); +0:00:53; 4 Tony Gibb (Plowman Craven Assc) + 0:01:22; 5 Mark Lovatt (Planet X) +0:03:28; 6 Stuart Dangerfield (Science in Sport.com) +0:04:11; 7 Ben Greenwood (Recycling.co.uk/MG-XPower/Litespeed); +0:04:31; 8 Alex Higham (Stilton) +0:04:47; 9 Zak Carr (Team Clean) +0:04:58; 10 Evan Oliphant (Recycling.co.uk/MG-XPower/Litespeed) +0:05:30; 11 Mark Wordsworth (JE James) +0:06:06; 12 Steven Higgins (JE James) +0:06:08; 13 Martin Smith (Team Milton Keynes) +0:06:11; 14 Simon Brooks (VC St Raphael) +0:06:14; 15 Andrew Martin (Deeside Olympic/Veeboard) 0:06:15; 16 Henry Furness (Ride Beyond) +0:06:21; 17 Dave Coulson (JE James) +0:06:31; 18 Matthew Higgins (unatt) +0:06:40; 19 Nick Hastler (Essex Roads) +0:06:53; 20 Rob Enslin (VinerBikes/Agisko) +0:06:57; 21 Richard Eastham (Angliasport) +0:06:58; 22 Gareth Hewitt (JE James) +0:07:00; 23 TOM HEMMANT (LONDON DYNAMO) +0:07:00; 24 Ross Adams (Red Kite Cycles) +0:07:01; 25 Tim Bedingfield (AW Cycles) 0:07:01; 26 Vince Halpern (AW Cycles) 0:07:10; 27 Nigel Williams (Python) +0:07:12; 28 Adrian Bird (Stilton) +0:07:20; 29 Mark Williams (Python) +0:07:24; 30 Richard Cartland (Red Kite Cycles) +0:07:30; 31 Duncan Jamieson (Leisure Lakes) +0:07:35; 32 Simon Henley (Team Milton Keynes) 0:07:41; 33 Leigh Cowell (Recycling.co.uk/MG-XPower/Litespeed) +0:07:47; 34 Paul Mace (High Wycombe) +0:07:56; 35 James Shaw (Team Synergy) +0:08:06; 36 Richard Heathcote (Team Rochelle) +0:08:07; 37 Tom Crouch (Team Synergy) +0:08:09; 38 Andrew Rigg (VinerBikes/Agisko) +0:08:11; 39 Steve Golla (High Wycombe) +0:38:44; 40 Robert Stimpson (unatt) +0:39:13; 41 38 Darren Morrisey (unatt) 0:39:14; 42 Paul Alderson (South Western) +0:43:54.
SUNDAY, MAY 1 – SURREY LEAGUE, CROWHURST, 3/J/W, 55 miles: 1 Lewis Atkins (Glendene); 2 Thorsten Klassen (Kingston Wheelers); 3 Robert Fallon (Fit-For); 4 Tony Cosstick (Hounslow and District Wheelers); 5 George Lagvillo (Twickenham); 6 Lee Chaplin (Twickenham); 7 Russell Scott (VC Meudon); 8 Stuart Grimes (Team Axiom); 9 Matthew Rugman (Kingsnorth International); 10 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO); 11 Philip Watkins (Addiscombe); 12 Phil Bendell (Kent Cycles); 13 Toni Bond (TM Racing); 14 Matt Green (Crawley); 15 Raymond Healey (Twickenham); 16 Richard Friend (Gemini); 17 Thomas Eichholtz (South Eastern); 18 Russell Childs (Twickenham); 19 Trevor Keenan (Festival); 20 Nigel Smith (Twickenham); 21 Chris White (TM Racing); 22 Dean Kinnerley (unatt); 23 Geoffrey Lulham (Evans Cycles); 24 Dylan Thompson (Twickenham); 25 Andrew McKie (South Western); 26 Daniel Bartley (Redhill); 27 TOM DAVIES (LONDON DYNAMO); 28 Thomas Smith (Twickenham); 29 Adrian Brown (agiskoviner.com); 30 David Roberts (Crawley); 31 Graham Berridge (London Phoenix); 32 Richard Broadribb (i-team.co.uk); 33 Jon Masters (Redhill); 34 Christain Yates (In Gear); 35 John Leitch (Festival); 36 Richard Collins (Twickenham); 37 John Rugman (Kingsnorth International); 38 Mario Manelfi (agiskoviner.com); 39 Phil Sheehan (Fit-For); 40 James McVey (Kingston Wheelers); 41 Leigh Fanner (unatt); 42 CHRIS CAMPBELL (LONDON DYNAMO); 43 RICHARD MASON (LONDON DYNAMO); 44 Russell Painter (Norwood Paragon); 45 Dave Worsfold (unatt); 46 Lindsey Ruocco (VC Meudon); 47 Ian Beston (Kingston Wheelers); 48 Martin Snow (unatt); 49 Ray Puttick (Norwood Paragon); 50 Steve Elms (i-team.co.uk); 51 Richard Webb (Farnborough and Camberley); 52 Graham Taylor (Farnborough and Camberley); 53 Chris Wright (Freerider); 54 Mike Brampton (TM Racing); 55 GORDON KENNEWAY (LONDON DYNAMO).
SUNDAY, MAY 1 – SURREY LEAGUE, CROWHURST, 4/3W/4W, 45 miles: 1 Shannon Durrant (Pearson Cycles) 2:00:00; 2 Rohan Dubash (Fit-For) +0:10; 3 Russell Shingles (unatt); 4 Mark Wright (West Kent); 5 DARREN MINSHALL (LONDON DYNAMO); 6 Matthew Plested (agiskoviner.com); 7 Sean Keith (TM Racing); 8 Niall Brice (Pacific Racing); 9 James Hopkins (Redhill); 10 ROBERT PRITCHARD (LONDON DYNAMO); 11 David Faulkner (Charlotteville); 12 Stephen Cotterill (Fit-For); 13 David Osborn (Old Portlians); 14 Richard Harwood (Sussex Nomads); 15 Stuart Potts (TM Racing); 16 J Walker (Sydenham Wheelers); 17 Joss Davies (Sussex Nomads); 18 E Sneddon (agiskoviner.com); 19 James Carlsson (Charlotteville CC); 20 Paul Hartigan (Thames Velo); 21 Benno Schlackter (Hastings and St Leonards); 22 Allan Hopkins (Redhill); 23 T Sowa (West Kent); 24 Alan Brooks (Crawley); 25 John Nicholls (Thames Velo); 26 James Gowan (VC Bayeux); 27 Russell Cross (TM Racing); 28 JONATHAN GITTOS (LONDON DYNAMO); 29 Dave Palmer (Addiscombe) +1 lap; 30 Dick Crane (Crawley Wheelers); 31 Christopher Parker (Hastings and St Leonards); 32 Marc Lloyd (Old Portlians); 33 Graham Sheridan (Kingston Wheelers); 34 Claude Lhomme (Redhill); 35 Ian Henry (Hastings and St Leonards); 36 Chris Ogilvie (Old Portlians); 37 John Willis (Eastbourne Rovers); 38 Tim Sales (Redhill); 39 Dominic Whiten (Sydenham Wheelers).
SUNDAY, MAY 1 – CICLOS UNO EASTWAY SUMMER SERIES, 50KM, 3/4: 1 CHRIS CHAPMAN (LONDON DYNAMO); 2 Max MacCalla (VCL) 3 Dean Russell (Whitewebbs); 4 Ken Phillips (Met Police); 5 David Wall (Warriors); 6 Nick Stacey (VCL); 7 Dean Wilson (Kingsnorth International); 8 Simon Bild (Team Sport and Publicity); 9 STUART SPIES (LONDON DYNAMO); 10 James Conway (Met Police).
TUESDAY, MAY 3 – CRYSTAL PALACE LEAGUE #2, CRYSTAL PALACE PARK, PALACE, 3/4/W/J, 27KM: 1 Josh Green (Brixton Cycles); 2 Mr Anne Boorsma (Dulwich Paragon) +5secs; 3 David Jones (Dulwich Paragon) +10secs; 4 Mick Bell (London Fire Brigade); 5 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO); 6 William Thompson (Pacific); 7 Brian Randall (Sutton).
THE LAST WORD
“I’ve had my bike nicked four times. What an indictment of Blair’s policies!”
The DYNAMITE! Files 
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