London Dynamo Newsletter #33, 12.11.04

November 21, 2010

London Dynamo Newsletter #33, 12.11.04

It’s not often that the Newsletter is jealous of the Dyna-main men who reside further up Dynamo Towers – but this week we couldn’t disguise our envy when PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN came down to our famous soundproof bunker with a big grin on his face after returning from a glitzy awards bash. It’s just no fun being Cinderella! The beaming race secretary was chuffed to attend the swanky Surrey League Annual General Meeting where he was given a magnificent trophy to celebrate the amazing achievements of a notable Dynamate and a prestigious gong for the entire club. So come with us as we recreate the lavish awards ceremony hosted by smooth charmer Keith ‘I’ll Get You’ Butler. Here come the first nominations…

We’ve always known it, but now it’s official – our finely-tuned band of Dynamates is the greatest racing outfit in the capital and beyond. That’s right, delighted reader – in addition to a whopping £900 in race winnings, Keith Butler and his distinguished panel of judges gave London Dynamo the Best Surrey League Team award and Paul went to the swanky Hand in Hand pub to pick up the distinguished prize. What a great way to end the season! The chuffed racing secretary, who ventured to Boxhill’s finest watering hole with MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT and RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT, is now gearing up to make an emotional acceptance speech. Take it away, Paul! “Cheers, mate. I want to thank everyone in the club for their efforts – the award is all down to everyone who has competed or assisted in the Surrey League and it has been noticed in our award.” So everyone can give themselves a well-earned pat on the back! Keith also gave Paul a trophy for pony-tailed point-gobbler WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE, who won the award for Surrey League Crit Champion – and in keeping with a great south-east England racing tradition to which TOM ‘HEMANT, HEMMAN, HEMNANT, HEMNAUN, REMNANT’ HEMMANT has become accustomed, the winner’s name has been misspelled on the silverware. It’s Warrick, fellas, not Warren! But no prize-giving bash would be complete without a bit of backstage gossip, so Paul, Rusty and Martin ventured into the Hand in Hand’s bogs where Keith exclusively revealed to the stunned trio that he plans to stand down as Surrey League supremo. Say it isn’t so, pal!

There was, of course, another annual general meeting held this week – and the Newsletter is delighted to report that Dynamo’s inaugural yearly pow-wow in Richmond Park was a roaring success. Dozens of Dynamates piled into the cafÈ by Roehampton Gate to see famous club president GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS and PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN in the flesh before heading outside for the club’s first team photo, taken by DAVID ‘WEBMASTER’ SPENCER. Eager beaver ANDY ‘LISTEN UP’ STEVENSON was elected as committee member while MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT was put in charge of organising next season’s racing calendar – and we look forward to enjoying the convivial evenings that NICK ‘BOMBSHELL’ PEACOCK is going to organise with his fellow social secretary PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT. Guy took great pleasure in announcing that the Surrey League has asked Dynamo to organise the beginners’ series at Hillingdon for a second time – and Paul has dropped us a note urging everyone to “start training for mid-February fun”. You’re keen, buddy! The only fly in the ointment was GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL, who turned up dressed in the kit of a certain Hampton Wick cycle shop. Cyclefit are gonna have words, pal!

All good things must come to an end, Dynamates – and it is with a heavy heart that we must declare the 2004 racing calendar officially over. We just don’t know how we’re going to get through those long winter nights without all those brilliant results flooding into the Newsletter bunker! Sunday’s third and final race at Ottershaw, which was also the last event of the season, saw MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT teaming up again with RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT – but sadly, the lanky lad slid off the back with three laps to go as he hadn’t eaten enough to survive the 105km race. Bad luck, pal – have a peanut butter butty on us! Martin had got into some early breaks with his pint-sized partner but it was down to Rusty to deliver one last blast of Dynamo dynamite after the Chelsea chappie faded away. And you guessed it, Dynamates – Short’s fuse gave Dynamo one more entry on a results sheet when he crossed the line in 15th place. Well done, sir!

The last gushing acceptance speech has finally finished, the lavish orchestra is playing us out and the bitter also-rans can drop the fixed grins they’ve worn all evening as their rivals scooped up all the prizes. Goodness knows when we’ll see an awards ceremony like this again, but an equally silly and haphazard edition of your non-award winning update of all things Dynamoid will be back in just seven days. Until then, please remember that we are a bumbling Sam Fox and we would be nothing without you, our nonplussed Mick Fleetwood. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘PODIUM’ BUIST to – but PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO THIS ADDRESS if you are reading this on email. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the after show party kicks off, it only remains for us to remind you about…


The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout at Sheen Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups. Anyone who wants to lead a group should leave a message at

Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. 50ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and the punchline to this joke: how many Dynamates does it take to change a puncture?

Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Canter to Surrey and back.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

London Dynamo Newsletter.

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 23 – SUNDAY, OCTOBER 24, ENTENTE CORDIALE 1904-2004, PARIS-LONDON, 296KM: 1 Eric Leblacher 4:25:00; 2 Emmanuel Clerico +0:00:12; 3 Laurent David +0:00:12; 4 Franck Pencole +0:00:18; 5 Nicole Cooke +0:00:29; 6 Steve Houanard +0:00:30; 7 Patrice Malard +0:01:55; 8 Christophe Soenen +0:02:04; 9 Steven Home +0:02:14; 10 Marc Bruning +0:03:09; 11 Xavier Beaurin +0:03:37; 12 Graham Baxter +0:04:28; 13 Richard Ben Johnson +0:05:28; 14 Pierre Abergel +0:05:29; 15 Thierry Lamy +0:05:47; 16 David Carrere +0:05:49; 17 Matthew Wall +0:05:51; 18 CHRIS CHAPMAN (LONDON DYNAMO) +0:05:55; 19 JÈrÙme Chevalier + 0:06:06; 20 Geoff Wiles +0:06:10; 201 Gilles Comte +1:00:41.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 7, SURREY LEAGUE OTTERSHAW SERIES 3, OTTERSHAW, E/1/2/3,105km: 1 Mark Daly (Team Darenth) 2.24.35; 2 Guy Pearson (Pearson Cycles) +01.15; 3 Bryan Taylor (VC Londres); 4 Lewis Atkins (PCA/Ciclos Uno); James Holland-Leader (Principia); Paul Alderson (Luciano); 7 James Foster (Willesden); 8 Steve Ferguson (Team Maestro); 9 Dave Griffiths (Twickenham); 10 Paul Holdsworth (Hounslow Wheelers); 11 Craig Peter (VC Muedon); 12 Gary Wallis (unatt); 13 Colin Tamon (Tonbridge); 14 Mark Sussex (Tonbridge); 15 RUSSELL SHORT (LONDON DYNAMO).

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