London Dynamo Newsletter #34, 19.11.04
A BYTE OF AN IMPROVEMENT
Apart from asking what KEN BUIST is really like, the commonest query that Dynamates put to the Newsletter is: “How do you compile a reasonably amusing and sometimes informative weekly bulletin detailing the achievements of literally several Dyna-members?” Well, as much as we’d like to pretend the periodical casually sitting on your monitor is simply flung out like a banana skin being discarded on a Dorking roadside, there is actually a long, rigorous process that goes into creating the capital’s finest wheelfolk read – and this is the first time that details of the Newsletter’s creative processes have left our famous soundproof bunker! The working week begins by grabbing the reams of brilliant results spewing out of the ticker tape machine before Sash the Unofficial Newsletter Cat leaps up and tears the strips of paper to shreds. Then Mrs Newsletter translates the results from Morse code into plain English ready for the editorial meeting, where we wade through piles of your marvellous Dyna-mails, decide what the week’s tenuous theme is going to be while gorging on more malt loafs than is humanly possible. That last part is the best bit of the job! After many hours spent tapping away at the bunker’s ever-loyal Commodore Vic-20, we save the all-new Newsletter on a reel-to-reel mainframe storage device and catch the lift to the upper echelons of Dynamo Towers where PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN sleeps in a purpose-built oxygen tent. We wake him so he can load up the chunky tapes, fiddle with his knobs and transfer the latest Dynamesque data onto his swanky computer, which he then emails to you, our eager readership. But that’s all changed now! Technically-minded Paul was getting tired of being woken in the early hours of Friday morning so he has rigged up our trusty 1980s home computer to the interweb, allowing us to send the Newsletter ourselves. That means your favourite cycling-related reportage will be waiting in your inbox every Friday morning as you sit at your desk supping the first mochalatte of the day. What a way to start the weekend! To celebrate this technological innovation – and, to be frank, because Dynamo-related activities at this time of year are thinner on the ground than the hair on Bjarne Riis’s head – we’re taking a look at how a couple of ‘Mos are spreading the Dyna-message via the internet. So plug yourself into your USB port as we take a ride on the information ‘A’ road. Here comes the first download…
ODD AND SOD
It’s been said many times before and now it’s finally been confirmed – CHRIS ‘CALAMITY’ CAMPBELL officially looks odd on a bike. The recent Assos convert unwittingly became embroiled in a fierce debate on the veloriders website when someone posted a photo of him as an example of a rider who had adopted an unusual position thanks to Cyclefit. The cheeky sod! True to form, Chris managed to get the last word – and you can read the entire mammoth debate by clicking http://www.veloriders.co.uk/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=16398&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0&sid=23d1bc7a80cfe09eb08bab9c9044568b. Just make sure you sure you set aside a few weeks if you want to read all nine pages!
SAINT AND SINNER
Cyber chap ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY was recently involved in a rather more sedate web tussle with a Surrey League rider who is affiliated to the team of a certain Hampton Wick retailer. The pony-tailed put-down king used a simple quip to fend off the scoundrel’s ludicrous allegation that the capital’s greatest cycling club isn’t up to scratch. What a cad! For that brief yet devastating exchange in full, click on http://www.cyclingplus.co.uk/forum/topic.asp?ARCHIVE=true&TOPIC_ID=40784&whichpage=9&SearchTerms=london,dynamo – and feel free to post more withering ripostes!
EAST OF FUN
Meanwhile, a million miles from cyberspace, the ever-competitive GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL decided that he wasn’t going to let a little thing like the off-season get in the way of hurtling insanely around a crit circuit – so he headed to Eastway on Sunday to take part in the all-cats training race series. The big fella managed to stay in a three-man break with Matt Seaton until the Escape Artist author dropped out at around the halfway mark, claiming he had a prior engagement. We believe you, pal! The hour-and-five-laps event ended with Guy clinching 3rd in the bunch sprint – but that didn’t stop him moaning afterwards to 7th-placed rider CHRIS ‘CALAMITY’ CAMPBELL that he felt “unfit”. It’s November, buddy – we’re all out of shape!
IT’S BEN A LONG TIME COMING
Perhaps the twin-cylinder titan could benefit from core strength and flexibility classes – which, funnily enough, is exactly what Cyclefit is offering this winter. That’s quite a co-incidence! The Macklin Street maestros reckon you’ll be able to go faster and longer next season if you come along to the classes run by Balance, who have worked with Britain’s Olympic triathlon squad. The course begins this Wednesday – and Cyclefit’s co-boss PHIL ‘BROMPTON’ CAVELL might be able to get you some Dyna-money off the £15 per session charge. But only if you ask him nicely! And Phil’s gang are gearing up for an even more widely-anticipated event next week – an exclusive soiree with none other than US cycle guru Ben Serotta. The gentleman who designed the world’s most expensive frameset will be unveiling his latest beautiful-looking yet hideously-priced machine at the Covent Garden bike boutique – and you could be one of the privileged few to meet the great man over a glass of plonk on Tuesday, November 30th from 8pm onwards. Email Phil or JULIAN ‘WONDER’ WALL on info@cyclefit.co.uk to book a place -and ask Ben if you can borrow an Ottrot for a few months to give it a test ride!
RUNAWAY SUCCESS
He’s done it! The Newsletter feared that CHRIS ‘HOSPITAL’ WARD may have come a cropper in the New York Marathon when we couldn’t reach him on his mobile last week – but it turns out the international man of leisure’s phone was simply on the blink. We should never have doubted you, pal! Chris completed the gruelling run in 4:4:58, making him 1,864 out of 6,613 in the 40-44 age group and 11,281 overall among a field of 37,257 runners. You can find out more about Chris’s jaunt in the Big Apple, which he did in aid of the Bobby Moore cancer research fund and the Lance Armstrong Foundation, by going to http://www.theplaygroup.blogspot.com. Now get those trainers off and get back on your Merckx, chum!
LOGGING OUT
Our hard drive is full, our desktop is a mess and it’s going to take us seven days to get our 3.5 kilobyte Vic-20 up and running again without the aid of a 16k upgrade. Until then, always remember that we are a fiddly fax modem and we would be nothing without you, our brilliant broadband. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘FLOPPY’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – but PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO THIS ADDRESS if you are reading this on email. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we crash for the umpteenth time, it only remains for us to remind you about…
THIS WEEK’S RIDES
SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout at Sheen Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups. Anyone who wants to lead a group should leave a message at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/viewforum.php?f=21.
SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. 50ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a firewall.
WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Canter to Surrey and back.
So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.
London Dynamo Newsletter.
The DYNAMITE! Files 
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