London Dynamo Newsletter #37, 10.12.04
SHEER ‘MUDA
For decades, unwitting travellers have been mysteriously brought down in a certain exotic location – but this week the Newsletter can reveal that an otherwise unremarkable patch of Surrey has surpassed glamorous Bermuda for supposedly freak accidents. That’s right, disbelieving Dynamates – eyewitnesses ‘INCREDIBLE’ IAN JENKINSON, PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN, ‘MEDICAL’ MIKE DEBNEY, RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT, ANDY ‘LISTEN UP’ STEVENSON and dozens more can testify that the little-known Ockley Triangle caused no fewer than six road-rashed riders to hit the deck during three unexplainable crashes on Sunday. It’s definitely one for Arthur C. Clarke’s World Of Strange Powers! So come with us as we reveal how a perfectly pleasant Surrey Hills ride became sheer murder for an unfortunate few in the space of just a few minutes. Here comes the whole tangled mess…
YOU GOTTA BE SKIDDING!
An innocent-looking corner on the approach to Ockley village was the scene for the most unbelievable Sunday spill in Dynamo’s short but relatively accident-free history – and your trusted journal of record was on hand to witness the entire amazing shebang. Through no fault of his own, a relatively new rider skidded on the small descent, bringing down unlucky ‘Mos NICK ‘BOMBSHELL’ PEACOCK, STUART ‘POSTAL’ JEFFRIES and ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY. Damn that wet tarmac! The dirty Dynamates, who were splattered in mud as a result of the fall, suffered a few nasty cuts while Nick’s steel steed got a ding in the top tube and Stuart’s trusty Cougar took a fair bit of damage on the forks. Bad luck, buddies! Around two minutes after the 30-strong group set off again at a gingerly pace, another rider came down thanks to a deep groove in the road. Then the hapless bunch pulled into a lay-by – and a new female rider took a tumble after misjudging a cobbled ridge on the edge of the lane. At this rate we’ll never get more Dynamettes to ride with REBECCA ‘OBJECTION’ STUBBS! Cheeky tecchie DAVID ‘WEBMASTER’ SPENCER told the Newsletter he “almost chewed his saddle off” avoiding the first crash – and the bottom-clenching occasion prompted him to reminisce about the infamous Yellow Assos Man. The comically unfit rider spent an excruciating six hours trying to complete the Surrey Hills ride on a boiling hot day during the summer and was never seen again. But can you guess where he threw in the towel? That’s right, Dynamates – Ockley! Every single Dyna-member is going to come a cropper there eventually!
CITTIE SLIPPER
Partially-injured Nick will be showing off his chafed areas at the eagerly-anticipated Dynamo Crimbo beano at the Cittie of York on Monday. The sight of his flesh wounds will be enough to put anyone off their brandy liqueurs! The burly barrister and his fellow social secretary PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT are confidently predicting the strongest turnout yet for a Dynamo social event following last week’s request for RSVPs – so Dyna-mail pharknett@londondynamo.co.uk right now to make sure you don’t miss out. The pub is at 22 High Holborn and the bash kicks off at 6.30pm. First one in buys this esteemed organ a gin and tonic!
UNBE-LEAF-ABLE
One Surrey Hill regular who unfortunately won’t be attending Monday’s bash is DAVID ‘SMILER’ NORRIS, who had a nasty crash after leaving Sunday’s ride and heading off to work. It just wasn’t a good day for staying upright! The Teddington titan was descending Ranmore reasonably slowly when his black and white Specialised went from under him on the second sharp bend. His pelvis cracked in two places, which means he’ll be off work for the next few weeks – and he believes a rogue leaf was responsible for his slide. That’s tree-mendous bad luck, buddy! As if he had not suffered enough, David was then cruelly taken to hospital in dreary Redhill but thankfully he is going home today. The ski-mad lad joked to the Newsletter yesterday: “You can always rely on gravity to bring you down” – and it’s testament to David’s cheerful nature that he has remained in good spirits despite hobbling around on a Zimmer frame while being stuck in one of the most tedious towns in the country. His chipper mood is an inspiration to us all – especially grumpy GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS!
KEN WATCH!
Some Dynamates may be hesitant about going out this weekend after Sunday’s series of slip-ups but PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN has provided the perfect incentive to get everyone riding. The eagle-eyed race secretary spotted none other than slippery Antipodean KEN BUIST at Richmond Park Gate on Wednesday at 7am – and the elusive Kiwi promised our race secretary that he would come out on one of this week’s rides. Mysterious as ever, Ken craftily omitted to mention which one – so you will just have to come to all three to be in with a chance of glimpsing the south-east cycling scene’s Greta Garbo in the flesh. This is thrilling stuff! The Buister swiftly disappeared after speaking to Paul because he was “on a promise”. We hope she was worth it, Ken!
SKY-VING OFF
With loads of amazing crash action happening all around us, it’s little surprise that the Newsletter almost forgot to speak to our pals at Ginger TV about Dynamo’s forthcoming TV debut. Regular readers will remember that the show about getting a droopy wotsit from spending too long in the saddle was due to hit the nation’s screens this week – but those lazy schedulers at Sky One have now pushed back it’s transmission date to January 19th at 8pm. Get on with it, fellas – we did the filming weeks ago! If you want to scribble down that all-important date but have yet to purchase a 2005 diary, then look no further than our sponsors at Cyclefit who are giving Dynamo members first dibs on a lavish 25th anniversary Eddy Merckx calendar before they “go national”. The bike boutique’s laconic co-boss JULIAN ‘WONDER’ WALL describes them as “inspirational” – and for £24.95 a pop, we wouldn’t expect them to be anything less!
BOONE-ANZA!
And here we go with yet another great way to part with your pennies! Martin Boone at Eton Travel has confirmed that many members have called him to express an interest in attending the inaugural Dynamo training camp, which takes place on March 20th to 27th. Christmas is almost here, so don’t worry if you haven’t got the cash right now to pay in full for the marvellous Mallorcan jaunt. Just give Martin a call on 01753 671 737 to pay a small deposit which will secure your place on what many Dynamates are already calling the most sensational Spanish excursion of 2005. You won’t have to pay the full balance until the end of January. It really couldn’t be simpler!
LOVE-LEIGH STUFF
But you don’t have to wait three months to put in some quality training! Coach John Leitch is running an event on Saturday afternoon that will cover race tactics and interval training. Some of us could do with a few pointers! Training guru PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN will be leading out a ride from Richmond Park to the session at Leigh village hall and details of where to meet are on the forum. Just don’t go Billy bananas and tire yourself out along the way!
CHILLINGDON
Finally, a brief mention that pony-tailed point-gobbler WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE came 4th in the opening race at the Hillingdon winter series while compact killer RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT opened his bid for a 1st cat licence by nailing 14th place. The zippy New Zealander stayed in the break to lead out the sprint and admitted afterwards he was “toast”. Racing in this weather? You’re not toast, chum – you’re crackers!
WE’RE WRECKED
Many, many miles away, the unforgiving ocean has swallowed a burnt-out fuselage. A team of scientists is puzzling over how a plane could have dropped so suddenly from the heavens. No-one knows when or if the wreckage will ever be recovered – but rest assured your favourite mystery mag will resurface next week, packed with all the answers to your astonishing Dynamo riddles. Until then, always remember that you are our radar and we would simply sink without a trace if it were not for your signal. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘DISAPPEARANCE’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – but PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO THIS ADDRESS if you are reading this on email. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as a platoon of divers prepare to plunge beneath the water’s surface, it only remains for us to remind you about…
THIS WEEK’S RIDES
SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups. Anyone who wants to lead a group should leave a message at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/viewforum.php?f=21.
SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. 50ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and knee pads.
WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Canter to Surrey and back.
So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.
London Dynamo Newsletter.
THE SMALL PRINT
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 4 – HILLINGDON WINTER SERIES, RACE 1, 55KM: 1 Gavin Smith (Willesden) 1.16.10; 2 Lewis Atkins (Glendene) s/t; 3 Matt Seaton (VC Londres) s/t; 4 WARRICK SPENCE (LONDON DYNAMO) s/t; 5 Dan Rudd (Edwardes) +17 secs; 6 David Baker (Ciclos Uno); 7 Alex Atkins (Evans); 8 Vince Halpern (Twickenham); 9 Jason Streather (VCL Raphael); 10 Nat Spurling (Finsbury Park); 11 Martin Docker (Ciclos Uno); 12 Darren Morrisey (Swindon Wheelers); 13 n/a Hallesowen; 14 RUSSELL SHORT (LONDON DYNAMO); 15 Dave Griffiths (Twickenham); 16 Martin Hulbert (VC Muedon); 17 Pete Jones; 18 Ed Graefe (Economic Energy); 19 Ed MacInnes (RAF); 20 n/a Kingston Wheelers; 21 Mike Inder (Thames Velo); 22 Bill Butterworth (Twickenham); 23 n/a (Hounslow); 24 n/a; 25 Paul Alderson (Luciano); 26 James Dayman (Luciano); 27 Tony Bond (Worthing Excelsior); 28 MARTIN GARRATT (LONDON DYNAMO); 29 Jeff Baird; 30 Tom Starmer; 55 Lee Chaplin.
The DYNAMITE! Files 
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