The DYNAMITE! Files

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #120, 06.10.06
————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click the “newsletter” link +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny, 17C max, wind W 17mph; Sun, sunny intervals, 18C max, wind S 12mph +++
————————————————————————–

EXTRAS SPECIAL
+++ ‘Mos in short film bit part +++
While the club’s big stars revel in the limelight, your ever-quiet DYNAMITE! proudly fulfils a non-speaking role in the sprawling Dyna-movie of the capital’s most cinematic cycling club – and we were pleased to play another vital bit part on Saturday at the filming of a Transport for London promotional video celebrating the capital’s participation in next year’s Tour De France. Along with DARREN ‘ICE’ HINCKS, who was cleverly disguised in an obscure Czech team’s kit, your favourite film extra spent a couple of hours gulping mouthfuls of dirty water sprayed up from the rain-slicked tarmac as we whizzed around the Inner Circle of Regents Park with around two dozen other soggy and dizzy riders. The things we do for the business we call show! An off-the-leash Labrador tried to grab some screen time by bringing down half-a-dozen riders after a couple of suicidal squirrels attempted to get in shot as the fast-moving group approached – but despite these animal-related obstacles, the finished product is now in the process of being put together, ready to be screened at the unveiling of the 2007 TdF route in Paris on 26th October. It will be interesting to see how the moviemakers will transform a wet autumn morning into a warm sunny day, particularly as the dirt-encrusted faces of the riders looked like they had just been through the business end of Paris-Roubaix rather than a mocked-up summer crit in the big smoke. The backroom boys may also have quite a job digitally erasing the individual hairs from the legs of the hirsute fella chosen to be the yellow jersey. There is even the possibility that DYNAMITE! may be reduced in the editing suite to a rapid blue blur – so let’s hope that TOM ‘JUNIOR’ MACKAY will give the club some exposure by starring in the short film as the young cyclist who chases a symbolic yellow balloon through the capital, beguiling many a Londoner during its journey, including a “mixed race couple enjoying a coffee at the NFT” as mentioned in the filmmakers’ intriguing synopsis. Somewhat confusingly, a little girl seemed to be playing the part of the young child on the day, so we hope Tom didn’t have to kneel down while wearing a dress for his time in front of the camera. You can see some pictures from the weekend’s shoot at the bottom of our Tired and Tested gallery… http://tinyurl.com/k34tf …which includes a photo of one of the exclusive lapel badges handed out to the participants, with Sash the Unofficial Newsletter Cat helpfully providing an impression of its size by placing her paw next to it. We’ve got three of these highly sought-after items which are not yet available to the general public, so send a Dyna-mail to us with “Grab a Badge” in the subject line if you want to be one of the mere 50,000 people who will eventually own a Grand Depart pin. For now, however, it’s time to shout “cut” on this opening item as we leave the comforting bubble of movieland and head into the real world, where a certain ‘Mo has been yelling louder than a bad-tempered director with a loudhailer. So come with us as we light a cigar and shift our bottom out of a folding canvas chair which has our name written on the back. It’s time to step out of the Winnebago…

MAJOR CHANGE
+++ Cover your ears – Stronge is new Mainwaring +++
Pop in the earplugs, Dynamates! Sergeant Major ANDREW ‘COALFACE’ STRONGE is taking over from former club president Guy ‘Mainwaring’ Andrews as Dynamo’s top yeller if his vocal performance at the Surrey League’s 3/4 handicap is anything to go by. Fearing the 15-man 4th cat group would capitalise on its generous three-minute head start, the normally sedate chap pumped up the volume in a bid to get the 3rd cat chasing group working together from the gun. Thanks to his Dyna-motivational attitude, the 3rds caught the 4ths on the second of three laps on the 12.5-mile Alfold circuit – and despite eventual winner Marek Siwicki from Addiscombe getting away with a Southdown rider at the dying stages, Andy’s efforts at controlling the group for the lion’s share of the race were rewarded with 4th place. Well done, sir! Wednesday night regular Kevin Sparks, who pipped Andy to the line for 3rd, rode in Dynamo colours despite not being a member – and there was more controversy earlier on when he responded to ‘RADAR’ RUSS TURNER’s request to take his turn at the front with the following warning: “One more word and I swear I’m going to hit you.” Woah, fella! Thankfully, the Sparks didn’t fly any further and the two made up in the village hall’s car park afterwards. That’s the spirit, lads!

STORMING PERFORMANCE
+++ ‘Mos undaunted by biblical shower +++
As peacemakers Russ and Kevin drove away their metaphorical storm clouds, the real things were gathering over Alfold where they broke in spectacular style on the first lap of the afternoon’s 2/3 race. Poor visibility caused by the biblical downpour inevitably lead to a series of gaps, one of which forced MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT to chase and then blow as the pack strung out shortly after he got back on. Unlucky, pal! Stunned RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON watched Richard Prebble launch his winning move, remarking: “He came past me like I wasn’t even moving.” That’s bound to knock to your confidence! The Pinarello fellow maintained a 25mph average speed to build up an astonishing five-minute advantage while Nigel Carpenter and John Wager time-trialled together for the next two podium places. The official results have yet to appear, but DYNAMITE! can exclusively reveal that GAVIN ‘NO LYIN’ RYAN came 5th, DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE took 7th, Rich nabbed 8th and plucky ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY managed to finish with the bunch. It will take more than a heavy dose of the wet stuff to stop Dynamo!

CAST OUT
Our Equity card has expired, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent in stuff for this issue before a security guard ushers us out of the on-set catering van. Always remember we are a dizzy Maggie Jacobs, and it is our function to be a comedy companion for you, our Andy Millman. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘BACKGROUND ARTIST’ BUIST to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the only frame with our face in it drops to the cutting room floor, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a speaking part.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #121, 13.10.06
————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click the “newsletter” link +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 18C max, wind E 6mph; Sun, sunny intervals, 19C max, wind NE 17mph +++
————————————————————————–

BEYOND RIIS-ON
+++ Enraged Evans lad throws Bjarne-style strop +++
As a light-hearted chronicler of cycling events, DYNAMITE! is naturally drawn to the rare moments in racing’s glorious past where the pain of competition is eased by a hearty guffaw – so we were overjoyed to hear of an impromptu historical re-enactment of Bjarne Riis’ comical wobbler at the 1997 Tour de France. Our knowledgeable readership may remember that the dome-headed Dane punctured on the final time trial before his chain came off, prompting him to hurl his bicycle into a grass verge as the Telekom car hurried to deliver a second replacement bike. Sadly, there was no team vehicle on hand at sunny Walliswood on Sunday when a miffed Evans rider lobbed his own bicycle into the foliage following a visit from the puncture fairy – but at least it entertained Addiscombe rider and official Friend Of Dynamo Toks Adesanya, who admits: ” I laughed so much I nearly lost control of the bike!” There is also a certain disparity in the circumstances behind the two fearsome flings, as reigning TdF champ Riis was probably a little frustrated at the fact that team-mate Jan Ullrich was about to win, whereas the young fella in green and yellow had merely bridged a gap of about 30 feet to join the ever-determined ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY during an end-of-season Surrey League 3rd cat race. It wasn’t worth it, pal! The bike-chucker earned a damaged wheel for his efforts – and there was another unforeseen circumstance on the final lap of the 8.7-mile circuit when two horse riders momentarily halted the race, giving a couple of mountain bikers the opportunity to delay matters further by squeezing past the stationary lead car. The cheek of some people! The hold-ups enabled lone junior Daniel Patten to solo to victory just 9secs ahead of the pack – and the bunch sprint saw TONY ‘CHUCKLES’ SMEDLEY create this action shot… http://tinyurl.com/y2zs3c …as he was narrowly pipped for the No.2 spot. Bad luck, buddy! Sergeant Major ANDREW ‘COALFACE’ STRONGE managed 8th, even though he had expended valuable oxygen volubly organising the last-ditch bid to chase Patten, but man of the 50-mile race has to be level-headed Rob, who came 10th. Was he furious that he only nabbed one of the four points he needed to attain a 2nd cat licence? Did he furiously hurl his Pinarello into the back of the Rascal and storm off in a huff? Of course not. A certain hothead riding for a major bicycle retailer would do well to follow his excellent example! Now that flings have been put in perspective, it’s time to toss caution to the wind and chuck out what else has been going on in Dynamo land. It’s time to throw this newsletter together…

SHORT AND TO THE POINT
+++ Cross victory for modest Rusty +++
This item could have been a chance for RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT to brag about his cyclo-cross win at Herne Hill velodrome’s off-road circuit on Saturday… http://tinyurl.com/ovhmy …but the little fella with an ego as modest as his physical stature has refused to big himself up. After a little cajoling, however, he agreed to issue a characteristically brief statement, which is reproduced here verbatim: “I’m not a big head. A win is a win. It felt good, though. I kind of forget what it felt like. It was great.” Good? Great? Forgettable? Make your mind up, pal!

KEEPING IT ZIPPED
+++ Latest kit designs prompt second Short statement +++
Rusty was equally unforthcoming on the subject of the Assos-style Windstopper winter jacket, foldable rain-proof wind jacket and Lycra overshoes that are soon be added to the Dynamo clothing range. Prices for the Sportful garments – due to arrive at the end of next month – are not yet unavailable, although Rusty was able to shed some light on the cryptically-named “YKK cam lock” zip which features on both jackets. In an exclusive communiqué with this publication, Dynamo’s laconic fashion tsar reveals: “It’s a really fancy zip that stays securely locked.” You heard it here first, Dynamates!

QUESTIONS TIME
+++ Fund-raising quiz night for race equipment +++
Finally, a brief reminder that SERRL is holding a quiz night tomorrow at Rolvenden village hall in Kent which will include a raffle to raise money for an electronic lap timer. The fun starts at 7pm and tickets for an eight-person table coat £5 per head, including food. Call Kim on 01795 426 211 for bookings and info. Just don’t disgrace the Dynamo name by getting the easy questions wrong!

THROWN AWAY
We’re about to send this Dyna-missile hurtling into cyberspace by pressing the “send” button, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who lobbed in stuff for this issue before our mighty Vic-20 metaphorically lifts the newsletter above its head and forcibly chucks it in your direction. Always remember that we are a mighty caber waiting to be tossed, so please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘SHOT PUT’ BUIST to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as open-mouthed crowds point at the object hurtling silently through the sky, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a javelin.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #122, 20.10.06
————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click the “newsletter” link +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, light rain, 17C max, wind SW 14mph; Sun, light rain, 16C max, wind SE 12mph +++
————————————————————————–

SO UNLUCKY
+++ Patrick Goodacre has serious crash on Parkride +++
Your favourite Dyna-matic publication prides itself on providing a bellyful of laughs in every yarn it relates – but for one week only, the chuckles will have to wait until we deal with the most serious crash in the club’s history. As regular forum-dwellers are already aware, PATRICK GOODACRE came off on the 2nd lap of Saturday’s Parkride after his group had slowed down to about 15mph for a number of inline skaters and riders ahead. The 22-year-old graphic communications student, who is one of Dynamo’s youngest members, caught a wheel and veered into the path of an oncoming car. The vehicle hit him and he suffered a fractured skull. Surgeon brothers CHRISTIAN and JAMES KINMONT gave first aid until an ambulance arrived at the scene of the accident, which took place halfway between Robin Hood Gate and Roehampton Gate. On Tuesday, Patrick’s condition was described as stable. He was taken off sedation yesterday. Patrick, who rides an azure Bianchi and sometimes wears CSC kit, will be a familiar sight to many regular Parkriders – and the past week has seen more than 100 people post words of support on the Dynamo forum, many of which are from non-members… http://tinyurl.com/yajkth. Our thoughts go out to Patrick’s family and friends and we hope he makes a speedy recovery. If you would like to pay a visit, he is in ward 11 north at Charing Cross hospital, Fulham Palace Road, Hammersmith, W6 8RF… http://tinyurl.com/yxdgw2. In the meantime, please remember that an accident like Patrick’s could happen to any of us, so please take care at tomorrow’s ride. The club’s committee members will be meeting at the weekend to discuss how to take things further. But now let’s turn our attention to the lighter side of cycling – and who better to get us chuckling than comedian GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL, who waded into a gale sweeping across the most exposed circuit in the Surrey League. So come with us now as we pull our best race grimace in the face of a nasty headwind. It’s time to whip up a storm…

DUN AND BLUSTERED
+++ Garratt packs but Powdrill places at gusty aerodrome +++
Talk about blowing it! Stunned MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT found himself in a winning break of seven as the blustery wind howled across pan-flat Dunsfold Park on Sunday – but after helping the group build up a lead of two minutes, the lanky lad blew within nine miles of the chequered flag. Unlucky, pal! Thankfully, his E/1/2 breakaway partner GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL managed to stay the distance and take 6th after eventual winner Martin Smith from Team Milton Keynes and VC St Raphael’s Simon Brooks attacked again on the last lap to hold a 12-second gap to the line… http://tinyurl.com/ygqjzg. The fierce gusts provided a unique racing experience by slowing the riders to around 15mph on the back straight before a 180-degree turn through the cones gave them the tailwind necessary to reach speeds of more than 30mph. Now that’s what we call a welcome breeze! Earlier on, the 3rd cat event saw flat-track fastman ‘RADAR’ RUSS TURNER draw on his extensive experience of similar conditions at Aeolian Eelmore as he thrust into the headwind during the dying minutes of the race. His shrewd move allowed him to latch onto the decisive six-man break, which only emerged on the final lap of the 51-mile contest, and he was rewarded with 4th place for his efforts. Nice work, buddy! Fuming at himself for missing the break, teed-off TONY ‘CHUCKLES’ SMEDLEY broke away from the bunch with a few others in a determined bid to nab one of the last four places in the top 10. The Manchester marvel grabbed 8th… http://tinyurl.com/yjbfrn …which he thought was scant consolation for his tactical error. There’s always Eastway tomorrow, chum!

BLOWN OUT
We’ve reached the calm after the storming run-through of the week’s events, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone for sending in stuff before we blow away for another seven days. Always remember we are a humble parp and we would be nothing without you, our zippy zephyr. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news, gossip, and any sightings of the elusive KEN ‘GALE FORCE’ BUIST to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as our windsock begins to flop, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a brisk south-westerly.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #123, 27.10.06
————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click the “newsletter” link +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, light rain, 16C max, wind SW 17mph; Sun, sunny, 17C max, wind NW 3mph +++
————————————————————————–

DECEASEDWAY
+++ Mourning the end of racing at the iconic Lea Valley circuit +++
Like the fast descent that propels you out of Clarey’s corner and up Oxo hill, this week has been a rollercoaster of emotion for the hundreds of Eastway fans who tackled the abovementioned geographical landmarks for the very last time. That’s right, moist-eyed reader – after 31 years, the tricky criterium circuit hailed as the best in the world by none other than Eddy Merckx has hosted its final day of racing. Cyclefit’s elder statesman PHIL ‘NO-NONSENSE’ CAVELL is probably shedding a tear in his WC2 HQ right at this very moment! Dozens of other Dynamates will miss the testing uphill finish, the handy shower facilities and the baffling weather micro-system which keeps Lea Valley at least five degrees colder than the rest of London. But amazingly, a spell of unseasonable sunshine warmed up Saturday’s historic closing events, which were witnessed by none other than injured Liquigas big man Magnus Backstedt – so come with us now as we shine a loving light on the marvellous mile-long track. Here comes the infamous hairpin…

HIS FIRST, HIS LAST, HIS EVERYTHING
+++ Eastway newcomer gives all he’s got at final race day +++
Unlike the vast majority of the 95 riders who lined up for the start of the 3/4 event, non-nonsense northerner TONY ‘CHUCKLES’ SMEDLEY didn’t feel the least bit sentimental about Eastway’s imminent demise, simply because the Mancunian marvel had never ventured to the fabled east London venue. The fearsome 50-minute contest saw Steve Nunn of Arctic/Shorter Rochford open a gap late in the day with Ciclos Uno’s Steven Craig to take 1st and 2nd respectively, leaving Smedders to nab 6th place as the huge field galloped for the line… http://tinyurl.com/yef3p6. The massive effort required for the sprint left the former 1st cat gasping for air afterwards by the side of the circuit – but sadly, ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY had a less-than-breathtaking race. Despite a few brave attacks off the front, the unlucky lad missed out on a top 10 finish, which means he has ended the season three points adrift of a 2nd cat licence – and having his picture taken in the car park by Mrs Dynamite is probably scant consolation… http://tinyurl.com/k34tf. There’s always next season, pal! Later on, multi-skilled mechanic SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON notched up 10th place in the Beastway Masters race and featured in another humorous photo… http://tinyurl.com/yk7u33 …after he had hopped on his Seven road bike for the E/1/2 event with GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL. Knowledgeable readers will already know that Rapha’s Matt Seaton and Chris McNamara of Wildside were joint winners at the Lea Valley venue’s last-ever road race… http://tinyurl.com/yagyaq …but as the duo held hands and crossed the line to hearty applause, DYNAMITE! couldn’t help wondering how different things might have been if WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE had taken part. The Cyclefit sensation’s bike is named after the legendary circuit and he holds the record for the fastest lap time from a standing start – a lightning-quick 2mins 5secs. But according to Sam, the Kiwi fastman’s employers had forced him to work on Saturday, which scuppered his chance of writing another chapter in London racing history. Drat!

CROSSING OVER
+++ Wood tries doing it on knobblies +++
While on the subject of first-timers, which we were at the start of the previous item, it seems a few race-mad members are Dyna-moving into different disciplines as the road season draws to a close. MTB virgin JOE ‘CHEEKY BEGGAR’ STEGERS took part in the final Beastway event on Saturday and STEVE WOOD has followed NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK’s lead by venturing into the world of cyclo-cross. Steve’s first cross race was in Wadebridge in Cornwall on Saturday night, and he reveals: “It was blowing a gale and a very technical course, but great fun. I can’t believe I waited to be 44 years old before trying it.” He’s an inspiration to us all!

CRASH CURSE
+++ Two more members take a tumble +++
Following the accident involving PATRICK GOODACRE, another Dynamo member was taken to hospital last week after a less serious incident which occurred at the end of the Wednesday night ride. New Zealander RICHARD MASON and the rest of the group were approaching Hampton Court Bridge when the back of his bike suddenly flipped up, sending him head-first onto the road. DAVID GARDENER, ROBIN OSBORNE, STUART JEFFRIES and STUART SPIES helped to keep Richard calm before an ambulance arrived to take him to hospital where he was kept overnight. He is now recovering at home. According to RUSSELL SHORT, who was riding behind him, there was no touch of wheels or any potholes, so the cause of the accident is unclear. At least PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN knows what brought him down on his commute this week – a pesky motorist! Details of what happened are unclear, principally because DYNAMITE! only heard about it during a brief chat with SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON in the car park at Eastway, but we understand the Kingston killer is OK. More news as we get it!

OTTERSHOWER
+++ Powdrill 10th in rain-drenched race +++
Finally, DYNAMITE! was pleased to learn that MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT, DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE and GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL refused to let an inevitable soaking prevent them from paddling – sorry, pedalling – the entire 100km of soggy Ottershaw on Sunday. The E/1/2/3 Surrey League race – held over the rolling Lyne and Kitsmead circuit – ended in a mass gallop which saw Guy nab 10th. But will the trio’s attendance inspire masses of ‘Mos to turn out for the final two races, which are bound to suffer similarly inclement conditions? Somehow, we doubt it!

BALL OVER
The wrecking ball is swinging above our heads, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in before everything comes crashing down around our ears. Like the purpose-built cycling facilities that will eventually replace Eastway in time for the London Olympics, we will return in a new and improved form – except you won’t have to wait until 2012. And things will be exactly the same. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘BULLDOZER’ BUIST to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we lock the door to the judges’ cabin for the very last time, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a commemorative clump of grass from the back straight.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #124, 03.11.06
————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click the “newsletter” link +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny, 10C max, wind N 6mph; Sun, sunny, 10C max, wind N 3mph +++
————————————————————————–

LANG IN A PRANG
+++ Callinan’s fixed mangled +++
It’s a little-known fact that the standard of newsgathering at this publication has always been proudly unprofessional, often relying on the wholesale reproduction of rumours and gossipy titbits in an ongoing bid to entertain its humour-hungry audience. Truth is frequently the first casualty of the weekly Dynamatic update, and in the previous edition of DYNAMITE! we quite literally added insult to injury by misreporting the actual extent of PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN’s recent accident – although pun-weary readers will be saddened to learn that the scale of the gaffe wasn’t big enough to necessitate our instant dismissal. Contrary to what appeared in last week’s edition, the time-trialling titan wasn’t exactly OK after getting knocked down by a car – he actually fractured his ribs and shoulder. Ouch! His fixed-gear Specialized Langster, which was one of the first ever owned by a ‘Mo, is now bent to bits. The oncoming car turned into his path at the main junction on Long Road in Clapham at 6.30pm on Friday 20th October – but at least the motorist should get his just deserts. Paul reveals: “He’s paying it all – private medical care, the bike, my employers and then there’s damages! And he’s being prosecuted by the police. He may be a little bit more patient next time.” You show him, pal! We wish Paul a speedy recovery and apologise for our error – but now let’s get down to business with news of what will undoubtedly prove to be the very last warm day of racing this year. Here comes a break in the clouds…

OTTERSHINE
+++ Sun eliminates overdressed Turner +++
It had to happen sometime, Dynamates! The Indian summer that has motivated legions of cyclists at the tail-end of the season is finally over – and Sunday saw its sun-kissed swansong at the Ottershaw E/1/2/3 event. Surrey League bigwigs chose the four-mile Accommodation Road course for the second of the three-race mini-series, giving the riders two stiff climbs to tackle on each lap of the 55-mile contest. Sadly for ‘RADAR’ RUSS TURNER, the tough course and warm weather conspired against his inappropriate winter longs, causing the boiling-hot bloke to make an early exit. He was probably expecting a repeat of the previous week’s downpour! A number of mini-breaks were reeled in, resulting in the pack turning into the final corner as one before Norwood Paragon’s Justin Lomas and Martin Smith of Team Milton Keynes launched their final move for 1st and 2nd place respectively… http://tinyurl.com/yb6fvg. Despite being well-placed for the mass gallop, MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT and GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL had to settle for bunch finishes after being unable to match the pace when it lifted. Martin reveals: “Guy left Brook Hall with a hearty ‘see you next year’, but I’ll be back for the final race of the season next week.” That’s the spirit!

FINAL NOTES
Vital shorthand transcripts from our non-existent notebook have gone missing, which means it’s our duty to thank everyone who made up for our shortcomings by contributing to this issue. Always remember that we are but a Piers Morgan to your Woodward and Bernstein, so please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘CONFLICTING REPORTS’ BUIST to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we are hauled before the Press Complaints Commission, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and high journalistic standards.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #125, 10.11.06
————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click the “newsletter” link +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 13C max, wind S 6mph; Sun, light rain, 11C max, wind W 17mph +++
————————————————————————–

THEY’VE GONG AND NICKED IT
+++ Dyna-management pilfers prize idea +++
The journey from this publication’s famous soundproof bunker to the boardroom on the top floor of Dynamo Towers is seldom made, chiefly because the editorial team is unable to spend valuable time helping out with lengthy committee meetings when there’s a Dyn-amazing weekly newsletter to lovingly craft for our humour-hungry readership. Nevertheless, it appears that DYNAMITE! has come to the aid of the club’s top brass by lending one of its best-loved editorial ideas without even being asked, thereby scuppering plans for our final edition of 2006. Long-time readers will be well-acquainted with the Mities, our glittering annual awards ceremony which last year saw ‘INCREDIBLE’ IAN JENKINSON hobble off with the Pope John Paul II Memorial Blessing For Services To Tarmac-Kissing while WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE took the Laurent Fignon Comb But Not Forgotten accolade after chopping off his trademark ponytail. Now, it seems, the Dyna-management has borrowed the concept for a prize-giving bash of its very own which will take place at the club’s end-of-year get-together. That’s right, trophy-hunting chums – there will be plenty of dubious honours handed out at this year’s Christmas Social, although it remains to be seen if any of the categories will be able to top the Robbie McEwen Soap And Brush Award For Services To Anglo-Saxon (won by potty-mouthed ‘MEDICAL’ MIKE DEBNEY in 2004). Tight-lipped Social Secretary PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT is currently keeping the venue under wraps, but we can exclusively reveal that the glitzy gong show will take place somewhere in W1 on Thursday 7th December. Put it in your diaries, Dynamates! More details will be revealed next week – but in the meantime, another innovative plan thrashed out in the boardroom is unveiled on the Dynamo website today. A new type of membership category has been set up to promote participation in the club’s activities, and you can find out more by renewing your subs over the internet on the site’s revamped, fully-automated system… http://tinyurl.com/ybppku. For now, however, let’s bid a fond farewell to the season with the year’s very last Surrey League event. It’s time to chuck the well-thumbed BCF calendar in the bin…

OTTERSNORE
+++ Alarm bells fail to ring for Garratt and Streule in season finale +++
Snoozy twosome MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT and DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE were caught napping at sunny Ottershaw when the winning break shot off in the early stages of Sunday’s 50-mile E/1/2/3 race. Curses! The 10-man group, which contained big hitters such as Martin Smith of Team Milton Keynes and Agisko’s Rob Enslin, shelled out two riders as their unbridgeable gap from the pack shrunk from one minute to just 15 seconds. Smith came 1st to win the Surrey League three-race mini-series… http://tinyurl.com/yxdec8. Lanky Martin, who rolled in with the bunch along with David, noted afterwards: “I must ride more aggressively next year.” That’s what everyone’s telling themselves, buddy!

MAIL AND FEMALE
+++ Ticking-off for missing item +++
Finally, CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN and GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY admonished this publication for failing to mention a Dynamette’s impressive performance in a championship event after she had sent us the details. The fact is, fellas, we didn’t get her Dyna-mail. Search the Dynamo supercomputer if you don’t believe us! It’s probable that the message was sent to the old address which was shut down some months ago, so the editorial team would like to remind everyone that new one is in the “from” field of this message. It is NOT in the “To” field – which, although similar, is actually the mailing list. And the address never appears in the newsletter itself because the text is reproduced on the Dynamo website, which is how the last address came to be spammed at least three dozen times a day, leading to its merciful demise. Anyway, if you are the female ‘Mo in question, resend your message and your tale will be related in next week’s issue. That’s a promise!

STEAL AWAY
We’re about to creep off quietly, carefully avoiding the beams of light criss-crossing the floor, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who filled our swag bag of news this week before we reach the getaway car. Always remember we are just a two-bit crook and we would be nothing without you, our Mr Big. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘BURGLAR’ BUIST to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the sound of a siren grows louder, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and an alibi.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #126, 17.11.06
————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click the “newsletter” link +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny, 9C max, wind W 17mph; Sun, heavy rain, 11C max, wind S 23mph +++
————————————————————————–

*************************************************************************
CYCLEFIT TRAINING CAMP IN MALLORCA – London Dynamo Week from 14th to 21st April. Price £625, excluding flights. Transfers, four-star rooms, energy drink and food on the road, support car, mechanic and three members of staff. Six days of riding and one rest day (optional). Places for Dynamo members held open until end of the month. E-mail info@cyclefit.co.uk for details or see http://www.cyclefit.co.uk.
*************************************************************************

KISS AND DYNA-MAKE UP
+++ Minor feud with committee is over +++
While DYNAMITE! tries its level best to run a happy newsletter at all times, there are moments when the bonhomie degenerates into acrimony – and astute readers may well have noticed a note of rancour creeping into last week’s edition as we took issue with the Dyna-management for hijacking this publication’s long-running end-of-year awards. Thankfully, the editorial team has had top-level talks with the committee in the Dynamo boardroom during the past few days which have not only diffused the tension but also resulted in the management team agreeing to give us an extra-long Christmas break, starting from tomorrow. That’s right, stunned reader – this is the very last newsletter of the year. We’re going to miss you guys and gals! But before Mrs Dynamite gets the hankies out, let’s reveal why this year’s Christmas Social is going to be the best ever with a plethora of prizes to hand out plus an unbeatable deal on dinner and drinks. It’s time to queue up at the buffet table…

BEERY GOOD NEWS
+++ Booze, food and awards package deal for biggest-ever Christmas Social +++
Dozens of Dynamates will agree that the club’s festive bashes are always brilliant fun – and now social secretary PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT has pulled out the stops to make the best even better. This year’s event offers booze and a buffet dinner for the all-inclusive bargain price of just £25. That’s less than a fifth of the cost of Rapha’s latest unique accessory… http://tinyurl.com/ydflmx …and a whole lot more enjoyable! As we mentioned last week, the Christmas Social will include an awards ceremony to celebrate all those Dyna-magnificent riders and key Dyna-moments that made 2006 a Dyna-memorable year. But that’s not all, because every single one of you can take part by telling us who YOU think should get a gong at the ‘Mities (pronounced “mighties” and culled from the word DYNAMITE!, of course). Just send a Dyna-mail to the address in the “from” field of this message with your suggestions for…
* Best Rider
* Best Sportive Performance
* Best Performance In A Race
* Best Multi-Sport Rider
* Best Dynamette and
* Most Improved Rider.
Don’t worry if you can’t think of people for every category – just whack in as many as you can. We also want you to come up with some witty categories of your own, in the style of the ‘Mities that have appeared in this publication in years gone by. Let’s see if you can match…
* The Order Of Cipollini Award For Fashion Bravery (won by GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL for his attention-grabbing yellow helmet)
* The “Warren Spencer” Haphazardly Engraved Trophy For Misspelling On Results Sheets (easily taken by TOM ‘HEMANT, HEMNAUN, REMNANT’ HEMMANT) or
* PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN’s suggestion of The Chas And Dave Contribution To Rabbiting In The Group. You’ve certainly Gertcha work cut out with that one!
The location for the shindig is a private room at the King’s Head pub on the corner of Stafford Street and Albemarle Street, near Green Park station… http://tinyurl.com/ymo9uz … and the event will be held on Thursday 7th December, starting at 6.30pm. The Dynamo technicians are setting up a Paypal facility for members to pay for tickets via the club’s website, so stay tuned for further announcements while DYNAMITE! is “off the air”. Let’s make this a night to remember!

GORRICK SPENCE
+++ Warrick returns to mountain biking +++
Finally, STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES ventured to Crowthorne, Berks, on Sunday with fondly-remembered ex-Bikepark employee Harry Rouse to witness WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE finish 3rd at round two of the Gorrick Autumn Classic… http://tinyurl.com/wncod. The super masters event was the elite star’s first off-road adventure in years… http://tinyurl.com/y9anys …and Stuart reveals: “He admitted to being a bit shaky in the technical bits. One of the master ladies commented that she kept catching him in the single track.” Hopefully, that wasn’t a metaphor. What would his wife say?

YEAR WE GO
Well, Dynamates – that’s it for another year. Many thanks to absolutely everyone who sent in stuff during 2006 – we really couldn’t have done it without you. This periodical will return at the beginning of the next racing season, so until then, please keep Dyna-mailing what you’ve been getting up to and any sightings of the elusive KEN ‘I’LL BE BACK’ BUIST to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. And now, as we wish everyone a merry Christmas and happy New Year, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES…
…which will carry on throughout the winter.

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a 2007 diary.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #127, 02.02.07
————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click the “newsletter” link +++ WEEKEND
WEATHER: Sat, sunny, 10C max, wind N 6mph; Sun, sunny, 9C max, wind W 7mph +++
————————————————————————–

A GREAT SUBS-CESS
+++ Membership set to reach 300 +++
A yawn, a rub of the eyes, a stretch of the main muscle groups as recommended by Cyclefit, and we’re back! After three months of hibernation, the DYNAMITE! editorial team has finally emerged blinking from its famous soundproof bunker in the bowels of Dynamo Towers with renewed energy for the forthcoming season – and our expanded mailing list indicates that the club’s ranks have been similarly rejuvenated by attracting more fresh blood than Dr Fuentes’ fridge freezer. Overworked club secretary RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT has confirmed that the number of paid-up subs has risen to an impressive 261 since the floodgates were re-opened at the end of last year, with the final total likely to be in the region of 300 once outstanding payments have gone through. That means, of course, that there are a few people who are reading this weekly Dyna-mail for the first time and probably wondering what on earth will be shoved up their inboxes every Friday morning for the next 10 months. So for their benefit, let’s demonstrate our much-valued role as the leading Dynamatic newsgathering service by heading up north, where a night on the old falling-down water lead to a sharp exchange the following day on an exposed climb. Here comes a rise in tension…

FIT OF PEAK
+++ Hail triggers harsh words +++
Anyone who has ventured on one of Dynamo’s celebrated excursions to Mallorca or South Wales will have enjoyed the genial wit of club boss NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK as he unwinds by the pool or a roaring fireplace – but the celebrated raconteur was somewhat more terse when snow and hail began to lash a challenging climb in the Peak District during the excellent three-day excursion led by CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN the weekend before last. Blonde barrister Nick didn’t appreciate DAVID ‘PINKY’ GARDNER upping the pace so the squad of 16 ‘Mos could get to the top of the hill and down to the slightly less inclement valleys as swiftly as possible, so he threatened to forcibly remove Dave’s legs and stick them up his you-know-where. Wash your mouth out, sir! Pinky, however, reckons Nick’s irritation stemmed from the duo sharing a cottage in the Staffordshire town of Leek. He reveals: “I think he took exception to me coming back a bit drunk from the local lock-in at the Black Rock the previous night and the one before that. I made a bit of noise and woke him up stumbling around in the dark.” The phrase “a bit drunk” understates the fact that he was ordering four pints per round, although that didn’t prevent him from being at the front on all the climbs. That’s a carbo-loading regime worth investigating, Dynamates, even if it doesn’t yield quite the same impressive performance. Baby-faced boy wonder DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE could probably have challenged Dave’s King Of The Peaks crown if he had not stuck resolutely to his self-imposed heart rate limit of 150bpm as the team tackled Snake Pass, Holme Moss, Gun Hill and Ewden Beck, before taking a detour to the lowlands of Crewe and Nantwich as high winds threatened to transform terrified tiddler RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT into a human kite. Despite all this excitement, the biggest thrill for many was the presence of Commonwealth sprint champ Victoria Pendleton at Manchester velodrome. A small group of smitten Dyna-men tried to meet the 26-year-old Bedfordshire beauty after her stint at the Revolution event, although the discreet gentlemen have quite rightly drawn a polite veil over what transpired down at the track centre. We take it she blanked you then, fellas!

WEIGH OUT OF HIS LEAGUE
+++ Gittos replaces Der Kaiser on camp +++
It’s a tough task filling the ample T-Mobile jersey vacated by Jan ‘it’s me glands’ Ullrich, so hats off to JONATHAN ‘SNAPS’ GITTOS for giving it a go by infiltrating the famous pink train on the team’s training camp in Mallorca a few weeks ago. Incredibly, the Soho new media man found himself accompanying the celebrated squad on rides all over the island and chatting to them every night at the bar. Jonathan reveals: “It seems the latest training tip from the pros is to stand waist-deep in the cold pool after training making loud jokes in German about the size of one’s manhood in the icy water. We should make this obligatory for our Mallorcan revels this year.” Didn’t GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL try something similar after too many Tunels a couple of years ago? The star-struck ‘Mo adds: “Brits Roger Hammond and Mark Cavendish seemed very nice chaps. Roger in particular was unable to restrain his enthusiasm after my monologues on London Dynamo.” True to his Dyna-moniker, Jonathan has provided evidence of the classics man endorsing Britain’s best club by providing this brilliant pic, which you will need to click to see big… http://tinyurl.com/2gr7gc …and the snap-happy ‘Mo is challenging Dyna-members to take photos of other cycling celebs sporting Dynamatic headgear. So whip out your box brownies, readers – the gauntlet has been thrown!

‘MO DE FRANCE
+++ Dynamo features at TdF launch +++
It’s not just T-Mobile who have been exposed to the Dynamo brand during the past few months. A number of top pros, team managers and the finest newspaper hacks in Europe witnessed the blue, black and orange livery being proudly displayed in the capital when a short film promoting the Tour De France’s forthcoming London prologue was screened at the official launch in Paris last October. The three-minute movie features a yellow balloon (do you see what they’ve done there?) floating past everyday sights in London, such as a boardroom meeting in the shadow of the “Gherkin”, a trendy mixed-race couple enjoying a coffee on the South Bank, and a Rastafarian reading a newspaper in, erm, Bar Italia. Anyway, you get the idea. At approximately 57 seconds in, the buoyant scene-linking device drifts past the Tate Modern – and there, chatting to a pal while his flat-barred hybrid rests against the wall, is Dynamo’s youngest member TOM ‘JUNIOR’ MACKAY! In a Dynamo jersey! For a whole five seconds! The young daughter of a mixed-race couple (not that one, another one – keep up) who has been chasing the balloon eventually locates it stuck up a tree in Regent’s Park, just as a fast-moving peloton handily makes an appearance to signal the film’s giddy climax. In a merciful piece of editing, the aesthetically unappealing kits of Dynamo’s rivals are reduced to a blur as the riders whizz past – but spare a thought for DYNAMITE! and DARREN ‘THE HAMMER’ HINCKS, who endured a wet morning of filming only to be made practically invisible, unless the quick-fingered viewer applies the pause button at around 2mins 48secs. We had to wait months for the DVD as well!

IT’S BEEN A REEL PLEASURE
The final frame has passed through the projector, which means it’s time to thank everyone who contributed to this issue before we turn on the house lights. Please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip and race reports to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we hoover up the discarded popcorn, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a cameo role.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #128, 09.02.07
————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click the “newsletter” link +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, light rain, 8C max, wind E 23mph; Sun, heavy rain, 9C max, wind W 17mph +++
————————————————————————–

JACKET IN
+++ Just as you’d given up hope, winter wear begins to arrive +++
Anyone who has seen ALEX ‘LUGPUMP’ MURRAY gamely hauling himself up a hill or heard about the number of restraining orders that GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL has allegedly breached will know that Dynamates never quit – and with snow forecast at the time of writing, this proud publication is also showing typical Dynamatic grit by putting together your favourite weekly Dyna-mail the night before the rest of the country grinds to an inevitable halt. Dogged club boss NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK has inspired our determined effort with his ongoing battle to get the long-awaited consignment of Dynamo-branded kit delivered, which has produced a stand-off lasting even longer than DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE doing a track stand. But just as Nick was perhaps considering throwing in the towel, a cardboard box appeared at Cyclefit containing the dazzling new Dynamo winter jackets – and judging by the plunging temperature, they’ve arrived just in time! You can pick up one of these warming, high-quality garments for the bargain price of £55 by visiting the plush WC2 HQ of London Dynamo’s sponsors… http://tinyurl.com/2yt3ra …although shorter members will have to wait a bit longer as the recent delivery only contains medium, large and extra large sizes. Hopefully the second box will arrive before the much-anticipated Beginners’ Series, as the car park next to the MoD circuit is the ideal place to flaunt the latest line in Dynamo fashions before the club’s style-challenged rivals. Down-to-earth northerner TONY ‘CHUCKLES’ SMEDLEY would no doubt remind us at this point that the event is all about grass roots racing, not swanning about in fancy-dan jackets like a big ponce, so come with us now as we tell newer members how they can get involved in the fast-paced fun. Here comes the starting whistle…

NEW BEGINNINGS
+++ Novice races return for 4th year +++
The number of new faces spotted at the roundabout by Sheen Gate on Saturday mornings, not to mention the quick pace of recent Parkrides, indicates that a large chunk of the Dyna-membership can’t wait to enter their very first race – and the Dynamo Beginners’ Series in Chertsey is the ideal place to start. Dozens of Dynamates have made their debut at these 4th cat events during the past three years, so there’s no excuse for not using that shiny, laminated BCF licence to dip your toe in the water. This year’s races take place at 10am on Sunday 25th February and Sunday 4th March on the wide, traffic-free, MoD circuit… http://tinyurl.com/ysml4s …with an E/1/2/3 handicap starting at 11.15. Event organiser MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT is looking for experienced ‘Mos to shepherd the 4th cats, judge the finish and, most importantly of all, provide cakes. If you fancy pudding your name down, send a Dyna-mail to martingarratt@londondynamo.co.uk or post a message on the forum. Go on – grab a slice of the action!

BLINGS CROSS
+++ Flash bike helps Rusty reap success +++
It’s not often that DYNAMITE! hears shy and retiring RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT mentioning his own achievements – so we were delighted when the little fella piped up this week to reveal that his winter race campaign has ended with him taking 12th place in the London Cyclo Cross League… http://tinyurl.com/ytjkbo. That’s 12th out of 186 competitors, Dynamates! The tenacious tiddler’s months of muddy hell earned him 7th place at Rainham in Kent last October, 9th at Herne Hill in January, and a win at a non-league cross fixture at the south London velodrome last year… http://tinyurl.com/ovhmy. Excellent work, sir! Rusty says: “I’d like to see more ‘Mos doing cross next year. You guys are missing out on the fun.” Fun? What on earth would persuade anyone to compete during the most inclement part of the year? How about the chance to ride a bespoke Glider cross bike made with non-standard EM2 tubing, like the one Cyclefit kindly gave Rusty… http://tinyurl.com/2a9vqq. That should just about swing it!

UNBE-LEAF-ABLE
+++ Nasty injury from a branch ends 35 fall-free years +++
Finally, SAM ‘EPIC’ WOODHOUSE has been in contact with ANDREW WESTON, who is recovering well after coming down hard during last Sunday’s 9am ride. The cause of the fall was a broken section of narrow road before the junction at the top of Hungry Hill Lane – but his injuries came from catching his eye and face on a branch as he went down. He was taken to hospital by ambulance. His son, who was also on the ride, went with him. Sam says: “Apparently it was his first fall after 35 years of riding, so he was rueing that moment of inattention.” It happens to the best of us, pal! Sam adds: “The police were keen that he logs a formal complaint about the road surface so I will send an e-mail to the council.” In the meantime, Dynamates, watch out for that junction!

FLAKE OUT
Snow has just started to fall outside Dynamo Towers, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent in stuff for this issue before we run outside like small, excited children. Always remember that we are a handy shovel, but we would be nothing without you, our mighty snow plough, so please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as Mrs Dynamite takes aim with a snowball, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and an ice pick.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #129, 16.02.07
————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click the “newsletter” link +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, cloudy, 10C max, wind SE 7mph; Sun, cloudy, 11C max, wind E 5mph +++
————————————————————————–

MALAYS WAYLAY
+++ Swarm of mistaken admirers accost Harknett in Langkawi +++
Spectators at French sportives, Italy’s gran fondos, and even the Barbados national triathlon championships have all cheered a number of Dyna-magnificent performances from Britain’s most well-travelled cycling club – but now a globe-trotting ‘Mo has gone one better by reaping the admiration of a foreign crowd without going to all the bother of actually taking part in the race itself. While on holiday in Malaysia recently, Dynamo’s social secretary PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT thought he was certain to attract the admiration of fellow cycling enthusiasts by donning his Dynamo kit and riding his snazzy Seven to the finish of the Tour de Langkawi’s opening stage. But with the exception of a rather enthusiastic Frenchman who rode more than 11,000 miles to reach the archipelago’s main island… http://tinyurl.com/2jg5vv …there was not a single spectator who had chosen to bring a bike or wear their favourite jersey. Then the pros disappeared in anticipation of the podium presentation, leaving lone lycra-wearer Paul looking even more conspicuous amongst the crowd. He reveals: “It quickly became apparent that everybody waiting for the prize-giving thought I was one of the competitors, despite being 20 years too old. I must have had at least 50 photographs taken of me with various wives, sons, daughters, girlfriends and grannies. I was even interviewed by a Japanese TV station!” To prove his popularity, the attention magnet snapped the snappers queuing up for a picture before posing with a group of confused locals who probably saw his bald pate and thought he was Levi Leipheimer… http://tinyurl.com/yuolvt. Sadly, the local monkeys weren’t quite as welcoming, as the terrified Brummie learned when snarling simians chased him up a hill on two occasions. Another confrontation involved him dismounting, walking towards a primate brute while holding his treasured titanium machine between them, and then banging the bike with a big stick. This tactic, provided by a local naturalist, sent his foe fleeing but resulted in Paul breaking his much-loved bell. You must have gone ape, pal! We could have spent the whole of this Dyna-missive monkeying around with Paul in Malaysia if the DYNAMITE! ticker tape machine had not grunted back to life with the first result of the season – so grab a vine and swing to the next item as we relate how a Dynamo big-hitter has been thumping his chest in celebration of podium finish. Let’s go bananas…

ONLY JESS BEGUN
+++ Simmonds’ impressive start to season at TT +++
He’s back, Dynamates! After months of careful preparation, RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS unleashed himself on the Kingston Wheelers/Gil Jessop time trial on Sunday and nailed the 14-mile course in 32:44 to take 3rd… http://tinyurl.com/2kbm98. Dynamo’s most improved rider of 2006 says: “I guess the training must be heading in the right direction. I’m counting the hours until the next one on Saturday. Man, it’s good to race!” That’s what we like to hear! European duathlon age group champion JENNY LLOYD-JONES turned up at the windy East Clandon circuit for her very first TT and left with 2nd lady under her belt after clocking in at 39:42. That’s more than a minute ahead of the next woman on the finishing sheet!

SHORT’S SHARP SHOCK
+++ Rusty gets “spiked” +++
Meanwhile, poor old RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT had a funny turn on the road to the Perfs Pedal race in Portsmouth, Hants, after popping an ominously-named pill… http://tinyurl.com/ynw9sb …which his chum PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN had asked him to try. The human guinea pig, who was driving SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON to the season-opening event on Sunday, held the steering wheel in a sweaty, vice-like grip as his heart rate rocketed for around a minute. Nasty stuff! Thankfully, Sam didn’t realise how much the Spike tablet had affected his driver – but the effects wore off by the time they reached the race HQ, leaving Rusty struggling to match speeds of up to 40mph set by the high-quality E/1/2/3 field. Sam, meanwhile, finished a creditable 22nd… http://tinyurl.com/2d6tg6. You should have taken whatever he was on, Rusty!

QIN YOU HELP?
+++ Beginners’ race reminder +++
Finally, a big thank-you to everyone who has volunteered to help out at the Dynamo Beginners’ Series, which takes place next Sunday and the Sunday after at the Qinetic circuit (known as MoD)… http://tinyurl.com/ysml4s. You can still get involved by Dyna-mailing event organiser MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT at martingarratt@londondynamo.co.uk or post a message on the forum. And if you’re a 4th cat but can’t decide whether to race or not – just do it! You’ll never know if you like it unless you give it a try…

CROWDED OUT
The confused crowds are applauding us, which means that there’s just time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue before we grab the
bottle of plonk, kiss the podium girl and run. Always remember that we are an attention-seeking fraud, and we would be nothing without you, our paragons of probity. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the real pro emerges from his Winnebago to find the spectators have all gone home, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and an act of deception.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.