The DYNAMITE! Files

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #159, 14.09.07
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny, 22C max, wind E 6mph; Sun, sunny intervals, 21C max, wind SW 8mph +++
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GEAR HERE NOW
+++ Get ready for tomorrow’s one-off kit sale +++
As GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL surely realises, hanging around a public car park at an unusual hour can cast doubts on a person’s good character – so let’s hope there will be no Dyna-misunderstanding with the local constabulary when PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN, MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT and RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT are seen milling about near the four-by-fours outside the Roehampton Gate café in Richmond Park tomorrow. The trustworthy trio will be dropping off their gear-laden vehicles early in the morning and flinging open their groaning boots after the Parkride for the biggest one-day-only sale of Dynamo kit that the world has ever seen. Rain jackets, gilets, skin suits, shorts, jerseys, long-sleeve windstoppers, socks and overshoes of almost every size will all be available on a strictly first-come-first-served basis… http://tinyurl.com/29x3gx. So peruse the price list in the “kit update” window on the forum… http://tinyurl.com/2lm5ok …and bring cash or a cheque, because you won’t be able to purchase all your winter garments any other way. But before you plunder the piggy bank, let’s find out how a sextet of ‘Mos handled being stuck in a completely different yet equally perilous public place. Let’s try to avoid eye contact with the chavs…

GETTING IN A RIGHT ESTATE
+++ Directional gaffe at Southern Sportive +++
Gazing at breathtaking scenery is a given for any long-distance cyclist – but misdirected ‘Mos DOMINIC ‘WHAT CRISIS?’ CALLAGHAN, JAMES ‘GET’ CARTER, EDWIN ‘SUNNY’ DATSON, PAUL ‘QUACKER’ DRAKE, MARK ‘NO WAITIN’ DRAYTON and MARTIN ‘MAINLINE’ HAENLEIN also ended up enjoying the dubious pleasures of a council estate after questionable signage at Sunday’s Southern Sportive thrust them into Hampshire’s badlands, just 22 miles from the start in
Petersfield. The hapless half-dozen spent 12 minutes extricating themselves from their geographical pickle, which meant missing out on top 10 places. They still managed to come in the top 30 among a field of 440… http://tinyurl.com/yq7n6v …aided by Martin and Mark taking big turns at the front as they tackled 2075m of climbing. And just look at the effort… http://tinyurl.com/yrj537 …on Paul’s face! Experienced sportivist James, who enjoyed the 93-mile course more than any other event this season, vows: “Next time we’ll have maps and GPS with the route programmed in and everything.” Now where’s the fun in that?

IT’S GOOD BECAUSE HE SIZZ IT IS
+++ High praise from great Dane +++
A sure-fire way to get a prominent mention in DYNAMITE! is to praise Britain’s top Dyna-matic update – so congratulations to RUNE ‘SIZZLER’ SANBECK, who pushes CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN to the end of this item purely for stating the following: “I love the newsletter. It’s extremely well-written, lots of fun, and key to creating a feeling of being connected in the club.” Thanks, buddy! It’s our great pleasure to point out that the dashing Dane has followed up his two consecutive wins at Crystal Palace by taking 5th at the Tour of Britain 3rd cat support race,
which was held at the South London venue’s longer circuit on Sunday. James Wakelin of Evans Cycles broke away in the dying moments of the 40-minute event to clinch victory, and perfectionist Rune reckons he “didn’t do that great in the sprint”. You’re too hard on yourself! Earlier on, Charlie set the pace in the women’s race and took 4th… http://tinyurl.com/yp6obr.
Nice one!

KEEPING UP WITH THE LLOYD-JONESES
+++ Multi-sport couple leave competitors trailing in their wake +++
Unable to run with over-generous padding restricting her movements, Dynamette JENNY ‘J-LLOYD’ JONES ditched her Dynamo skinsuit and raced incognito at the London Duathlon in Richmond Park on Sunday, where she came 3rd in the women’s race and 120th overall in the challenge category. The European age group champ reveals: “I missed out on the fastest female
bike split by four seconds, but we were both faster than any women’s times in previous years.” And RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS, her indomitable other half, took 8th among the list of 1,639 finishers after notching up the fastest time for the 13-mile bike leg by a whopping three minutes… http://tinyurl.com/2ze87d. A hearty ‘chapeau’ also to 42nd-placed BEN FORSYTH and STEVE WOOD, who came 47th in the 45-49 age group. Well done, fellas!

…AND A FEW ‘MO THINGS…
+++ GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY, RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON and GAVIN ‘NO LYIN’ RYAN and DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE survive brutal road race in Calais… http://tinyurl.com/2kh9jr +++ SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON 12th at Sunday’s E/1/2 Bob Chicken London Grand Prix… http://tinyurl.com/yp6obr +++ ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY 12TH at 3rd cat Surrey League race in Rusper, West Sussex on Sunday… http://tinyurl.com/2ttd3z +++

STALL OVER
Masses of ‘Mos are heading to Richmond Park for tomorrow’s huge kit sale, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue before the Dyna-committee set out their stall, ready to open at 11am on Saturday. Always remember we are flimsy gilet, and we would be nothing without you, our wonderful windstoppers. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now,
as the “sorry – no medium shorts” sign is hung up over the stall, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and no IOUs.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

BLANK STATEMENT
+++ It’s a pointless weekend +++
With the money markets spinning out of control faster than a fixed-gear fanatic descending Leith Hill, it’s comforting to know that the global credit crisis will never devalue the pleasing certainty of the club’s high-yielding race performances – or at least that’s what DYNAMITE! thought until we took a peak in the Dynamo points bag for this week and found it was emptier than a Northern Rock savings account. Never-say-die New Zealander PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY tried his best at the Cutmill E/1/2/3 race in Elstead, Surrey, on Sunday but could only muster 18th… http://tinyurl.com/3ca9p3 …while over in Strood, Kent, RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT got his cyclo-cross season off to a creditable start with 13th at the opening London league event… http://tinyurl.com/ywrekw. Had he still been in the maillot bleu of Britain’s best cycling club, former ‘Mo Warrick Spence would have brought glory to the club for his 4th place at the Warwick Town Centre headlining event – and absent-minded CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN neglected to pack her race head for the women’s race, causing her to pack. But it was another Dyna-member who was to feel the loss of BCF points more keenly after he was robbed of a 2nd cat licence in a results mix-up – so come with us now as we try to adjust the balance sheet. It’s time to loan us your interest while we give him some credit…

THE UNKINDEST CUTMILL
+++ Cock-up forces ‘non-climber’ to tackle daunting gradients +++
Proud dad ALEX ‘BALFIE’ BALFOUR and British Cycling’s performance director Dave Brailsford had a chuckle when the strapping ‘Mo’s young son… http://tinyurl.com/23utl9 …reasoned that the red, white and blue GB van at last week’s Tour of Britain prologue must belong to France – and there turned out to be more confusion when RICHARD ‘BOY RACER’ DOLBY found he had been omitted from the results for the Crystal Palace 3rd cat support race. The former Solna Avenue resident would have graduated to 2nd cat if he had been duly listed as 4th, one place ahead of RUNE ‘SIZZLER’ SANBECK – so the self-proclaimed non-climber was forced to make his bid for a licence upgrade at Cutmill, which contains the most power-sapping hill of all the Surrey League courses. Rich watched ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY launch a doomed solo breakaway from the gun, and the two ‘Mos later teamed up with ALEX ‘BUSTED’ BASTIN, TORKEL DOHMERS and TONY ‘CHUCKLES’ SMEDLEY to bring back a break on the final lap. Having done all the work, the blue train ran out of steam on the finishing climb – although 11th-placed Rich showed he had underestimated his climbing ability by becoming the highest-placed ‘Mo in the 57-mile 3rd cat race… http://tinyurl.com/346z3s. No points – but there’s always Walliswood on Sunday, pal!

KIT OUT MORE
+++ Second sale of club gear planned +++
As these words are being thumped out on the DYNAMITE! Vic-20, club boss NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK is in the Dynamo boardroom with PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN and MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT as they try to decide when you lucky lot will get another chance to snap up Dynamo’s extensive range of must-have garments. Buoyed by the huge success of Saturday’s post-Parkride sale, which reduced the stock of Windstopper jackets and arm-warmers to zero, kit co-ordinator Paul has put in another order with clothing supplier Sportful and sternly admonished the firm for getting the sizes wrong on a previously-abandoned shipment. They won’t be making that mistake again!

HAVING A GAS
+++ Ward’s windy time in the Rockies +++
Finally, a much-belated congratulations to ‘BUFFALO’ BILL GILBERT and CHRIS ‘HOSPITAL’ WARD for surviving the 372 miles of the TransRockies challenge. Bill kept a blog of their seven-day off-road adventure in the Canadian wilderness, which included 12,000 metres of climbing – and the poor man seems to have suffered even more in their shared tent thanks to Chris’s tummy bug producing an unwelcome amount of flatulence… http://tinyurl.com/2crdzm. Dear oh dear!

BELL END
The trading floor is about to close, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone for sending stuff in for this issue before we begin totting up our losses. We always strive to offer humorous returns for a modest investment of your time, so please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the NYSE bell tolls, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a block of part-paid ordinaries, funnelled through Geneva, underpinned by a notional rights issue. Who’ll be wincing then?

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #161, 29.09.07
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, heavy showers, 17C max, wind NE 3mph; Sun, sunny intervals, 18C max, wind SE 8mph +++
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PUT TO THE TEST
+++ Campbell swims against the tide +++
As a man of the utmost integrity and a person unafraid to voice an unpopular opinion, poor old Chris Campbell has certainly put himself in the line of fire this week. We’re talking, of course, about Christopher L. Campbell, the sole arbitrator amongst a three-man panel to conclude, in the words of the United States Anti-Doping Agency judge himself, that “Mr Landis should be found innocent” on the basis of laboratory errors… http://tinyurl.com/yvmcal. Controversial stuff! Ever the professional, the attorney-at-law doesn’t stray outside of his remit to explain how the disgraced Tour de France rider’s drug tests contained testosterone that wasn’t produced by his own body, but you can trust your favourite source of Dynamatic information when we tell you unequivocally that a certain Dyna-member was doped to the gills this week following a nasty crash – so come with us now as we observe the peculiar effects of powerful medication. It’s time for the picture to go all wobbly…

SUNNIES DELIGHT
+++ Blackman’s Oakleys escape unscathed from crash +++
Mirroring RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON’s spectacular end-of-season crash 11 months ago, Dynamette CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN has shown impeccable timing by polishing off her hugely successful racing year with a right humdinger of a spill that has earned her a broken collarbone, a busted lip and the attentive nursing services of TOBY ‘HUBBY’ BLACKMAN… http://tinyurl.com/38pd2e. The effects of industrial-strength painkillers had left the normally-ebullient Barnes schoolteacher more than a little subdued when DYNAMITE! popped round to the couple’s flat to deliver the traditional recuperative gift of a bunch of grapes – and mystery still surrounds the circumstances that led to her kissing the tarmac on Sunday while in a break at the Coalville Wheelers Women’s Team Series race in Gryfidam, Leics. But the style-conscious Dyna-maiden, who cracked her Specialized helmet, was delighted to hear from fellow competitor JENNY ‘J-LLOYD’ JONES that her trademark pink Oakley sunglasses had survived the carnage intact. Hurrah!

UNBE-LEITH-ABLE
+++ Nasty surprise at Walliswood +++
The editorial team of this periodical pride themselves on breaking the latest Dynamatic news every Friday morning – so they were disappionted to learn that last week’s story about RICHARD ‘BOY RACER’ DOLBY being cruelly omitted from the top 10 of the Tour of Britain 3rd cat support race had been rendered obsolete by the postman almost as soon as issue #160 trundled out of the Dynamo Towers’ Vic-20. The indignity of a Dyna-mail being beaten by snail mail! Thinking he had been unfairly denied the points that would have shifted him up a category, the former Solna Avenue resident discovered the cock-up had been rectified when a 2nd cat licence plopped unexpectedly onto his doormat seven days ago – and he was to have an even bigger surprise when he fulfilled his pre-entry obligation by turning up to the start of Sunday’s 3rd cat event at Walliswood, where a Surrey League official casually mentioned during the pre-race talk that the chequered flag would be placed atop Leith Hill. Just a minor change to the programme, then! Rising bravely to the difficulty of tackling the most challenging ascent in the county, Rich proved that his description of himself as a “non-climber” was somewhat inaccurate by grabbing 4th after the 52-mile race split to pieces on the seemingly never-ending gradient – and doughty vet ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY wisely reigned in his attacking instincts, leaving him with enough energy at the end to clinch 9th… http://tinyurl.com/25x8yh. But the duo saved their praise for TONY ‘CHUCKLES’ SMEDLEY, who went off the front on the final lap with eventual winner John Dewy to create a huge gap but then blew on the lower half of the off-circuit finish. Unlucky, pal!

CHAMPION SHIFT
+++ Club champs moved to November +++
On a final note, race co-ordinator MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT has had to reschedule the inaugural Dynamo club championships due to a clash of fixtures. The new date is Saturday 3rd November and the venue is still Hillingdon, starting at 3.30pm. Sign up now by leaving your name and category on the forum… http://tinyurl.com/2n4grp …before all 100 places go!

DRINK UP
The USADA has published its 84-page verdict in full… http://tinyurl.com/249ahk …which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue before we crack open a beer, or perhaps a Jack Daniels, to celebrate. Just a small one, mind – let’s not go upsetting the old T:E ratio. Like a lengthy appeals process, this publication will never go away, so please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the Court of Arbitration for Sport prepares for a marathon session, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a wiki-defense.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

HOUR RECORD
+++ Simmonds sets benchmark +++
It’s not often that DYNAMITE! gets to announce that a Dynamate has set a new record – so it is with great pride that we give a rich, fruity parp on the Roy Castle commemorative trumpet for RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS’ unusual achievement at the WLCA 10 at Knowl Hill, Berks, on Saturday. The TT titan finished in 20:43, which was the fastest-ever time for the course – until someone shaved 10 seconds off it an hour later. So that means Rich, who has already set the benchmark for the fastest-ever Dynamo rise to 1st cat, is now also the current holder of the record for the briefest-ever record set by a ‘Mo. Congratulations, pal! The relentless high-achiever was disappointed to miss out on 1st place the next day at the Epsom CC 25 in Broadbridge Heath, West Sussex, after three other competitors beat his time of 53.52 on the windy, hilly course. He did, however, take some pleasure in witnessing JENNY ‘J-LLOYD’ JONES scoring a personal best of 1:03:06 a day after winning the WLCA 10 in 23:42 against a strong field. Rich’s pointy-hatted partner also put in a great performance during round six of the Rudy Project Series on September 15th, where she finished just two minutes behind national TT champ Julia Shaw to take 3rd on the hilly 19-mile course in Bruton, Somerset. Jubilant Jenny, who went on to take 2nd woman on Sunday at the Epsom CC 25, says: “It’s a shame I’m beginning to get strong when all the races are running out.” And there’s another ‘Mo who is bemoaning the thinness of the racing calendar more than most – so come with us now to a celebrated cycle emporium as we share in his angst. It’s time to tot up the points…

HE’S GOT THE HUMPH
+++ Disappointment at Last Chance Point Grabber +++
Visiting A Certain Hampton Wick Retailer on Saturday to help Mrs Dynamite choose her very first road bike, this publication was dismayed at the total absence of any publicity trumpeting a celebrated stage race victory by one of their most valued employees. Surely it’s not asking much to hoist a banner above the door, proudly boasting that the shop is “The Home Of The Reigning Army CU 3-Day Champion” – even if he did win it with the name of their rivals Cyclefit emblazoned across his chest, back and buttocks. Thanks partly to that stunning victory, SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON has edged even closer to becoming a 1st cat – and he’s not happy at being so close but yet so far. “I have always tried to avoid it,” he confesses, “but now I have become that rather pathetic character, the points chaser – driving miles to races I don’t particularly want to do in pursuit of a licence I’m not even sure I want.” Having spent two weeks training in France, the Herne Hill hero’s competitive urge compelled him to turn up at Whitwell, Herts, on Sunday at the ungodly hour of 8:45am for the 67-mile 2/3/4 Last Chance Points Grabber. Sam reveals: “My legs didn’t wake up until 10am, by which point seven riders had already got away, mainly thanks to some Dynamo-esque blocking by Cambridge CC who had three riders in the break. I was pleased to see they came in 5th, 6th and 7th. I was best of the rest with 8th.” That result provided him with eight points… http://tinyurl.com/27lj4c …which means a top 10 place at the Finsbury Park RR in Steeple, Essex, on Sunday will get his licence upgraded. “Then I can have a rest,” he sighs, “and avoid Ottershaw – or, in the worst case, the Hillingdon winter series.” The screw is tightening for the compact mechanic!

OFF WITH A BANG BANG
+++ Sportivist goes fast to please his missus +++
The wife of under-pressure DUNCAN STEWART ordered the committed family man to return home for lunch the Sunday before last – and the super-fast sportivist duly obliged by shooting around the Southdowns Challenge in 2hrs 42mins, which turned out to be the fastest time for the 50-mile route… http://tinyurl.com/2pgmkc. Good work, sir! Duncan reveals: “I was home by 1:30pm in time to watch Chitty Chitty Bang Bang on ITV3 with my seven-year-old son.” They probably doubled the digital channel’s audience for the day! The pleasant breeze that greeted Duncan at the starting line in Southwick, Hants, wasn’t replicated this Sunday for the 115-mile Newbury Sportive, which ALEX ARAUJO reckons was one of the hardest he has participated in, thanks in part to the mystifyingly constant headwind on the circular course through Berkshire, Wiltshire, Oxfordshire and Hampshire. The fastest ‘Mo on the day was KARL JONSTON who took 6th after dragging 7th-placed Alex around the first half of the course – and JAMES ‘GROCER’ HEATH tackled the 2,000m of climbing to come a solid 17th after recovering from a nasty incident in Richmond Park three weeks ago involving a wayward deer… http://tinyurl.com/3d7z3l. Nice work, chaps!

COO-EEE TO CHLOE
+++ Say hello to Callinan’s latest addition +++
He’s been absent from his usual Surrey League and time trial stomping grounds recently – so honorary club president PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN was understandably overjoyed to produce his first result of the season in the form of little Chloe Marie Callinan, who popped out at 12:10pm on Monday afternoon. Congratulations, pal! Strictly speaking, of course, it was Claire who did the hard work, aided by enough drugs to keep Astana going for all three grand tours – and the dad-of-two has been a willing domestique ever since, waiting on his wife hand and foot. Proud Paul reveals: “Chloe’s cone head will go down to her being pulled out – it wasn’t me trying to form a family of aero-dynamically headed kids.” Nevertheless, her blanket (which you can see in the album marked “Chloe”) seems suspiciously cycling-related… http://tinyurl.com/2qferd. Now that’s starting ’em young!

SHOES THAT GUY?
+++ Mascot indulges Powdrill’s footware fetish +++
Paul’s sometime two-up partner GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL decided to hang up his coveted pearl-white Sidis for the year following an under-par performance at the recent Tour of Britain E/1/2 support race, which means no more outings for his official mascot Splodger until next season – so to make up for the jolly little fella’s enforced absence, the DYNAMITE! gallery now includes a photo of him guarding his foppish master’s treasured Italian footware. The album marked “Guysie” also shows the big fella renewing his acquaintance with a rather more well-known cycling mascot at the World Championships in Stuttgart on Sunday… http://tinyurl.com/2qferd. Watch out for that trident, pal!

FROM THE DARKNESS INTO THE LIGHT
+++ Time change for club champs +++
Finally, race co-ordinator MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT wants to pass on a big thank-you to TOBY ‘HUBBY’ BLACKMAN, MARK ‘MOHAWK’ DRAYTON, DAVID ‘PINKY’ GARDNER, JASON ‘KEEP IT CLEAN’ GREEN, WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER, BRENDAN ‘TRY HARD’ MOYLAN and MICHAEL ‘LUNGER’ SNEYD for helping out at Sunday’s 56-mile 1/2/3 race at Bells Yew Green, East Sussex, which was the final SERRL event of the season. Will and Toby, who manned the second lead car, took the riders on the correct course after the first race driver overshot the left turn at Frant, carried straight on, and then got called a number of ungentlemanly names by the riders as he spent a lap trying to return to the front. What a mess! Perhaps fearing a much bigger calamity at the inaugural club championships, Martin has changed the start time from 3.30 to 2.15pm, so you don’t need to worry about attaching lights to your race bikes during the final laps of the infamous Hillingdon circuit. There will also be a pre-race kit sale at 12.30pm. The date – Saturday 3rd November – is unchanged. More than half the places on the starting sheet have already gone… http://tinyurl.com/2n4grp …so sign up on the forum today to avoid disappointment!

TAPPED OUT
Like Roy castle after his record breaking tap-dance-athon, the editorial team feels tired yet elated to have reached the conclusion of this longer-than-anticipated edition, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in before we shake hands with Norris McWhirter. Always remember that your dedication, dedication, dedication is what we need – so please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as Kris Akabusi’s cackle echoes around the studio, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and the Guinness Book of Records.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #163, 12.10.07
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, cloudy, 19C max, wind S 5mph; Sun, cloudy, 18C max, wind S 6mph +++
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IT’S ALL ABOUT THE BIKE
+++ Humpheson praises ‘vintage’ machine +++
He was turned away from the world championships in Stuttgart because of his drug-tainted past – but Eddy Merckx has proved to be very much part of cycling’s present following SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON’s promotion to 1st cat on Sunday, which he achieved on one of the Belgian hero’s bikes. The pleased-as-punch points-grabber, who was 8th at the 1/2/3 Finsbury Park Road Race in Steeple, Essex, says: “I would like to say a special thanks to Mr Byron McKensie who knocked me off my bike on my way back from Crystal Palace on 19th June, destroying my Seven titanium wonder bike and forcing me back onto the trusty aluminium Merckx which is now five years old. The results speak for themselves. Points gained prior to accident: 16. After: 157. You can see why the Hemmants love their Ribbles. That fancy Serotta was the worst thing that could’ve happened to Tom.” You can’t argue with those statistics! For his final outing as a 2nd cat, Sam got into the only significant break of the day, which stayed away for 15 miles of the 78-mile race before the five riders were caught with a lap-and-a-half to go. The Herne Hill hero calmly sat in, let Ipswich BC’s Philip Hetzel get away on his own to win, and then waited for the uphill finish to bag a top 10 place in the band 2 event, which gave him almost twice as many points than he needed… http://tinyurl.com/2kjzmw. Well done, sir! Sam adds: “I’m now entering a period of intense training for the club champs where I’m going to win easily.” He’s going to have a tough time living up to that boast if a certain cyclo-crossing sensation has anything to do with it – so come with us for a quick explanation. It’s time for a Short story…

GREAT DEERS LEAP FORWARD
+++ Short’s top five place on Sussex cross circuit +++
Dyna-modest RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT has been characteristically quiet after bagging 4th place at the 3rd round of the London Cross League in East Grinstead, West Sussex, on Sunday… http://tinyurl.com/2fpewp …but we insisted that the small wonder explained the secret of how he got a top five place on the Deers Leap Park circuit. Rusty revealed: “The course just suited me – hilly with lots of technical sections, very different to the first round where we were just on flat grass fields. I did quite a bit of mountain biking before the season started to improve my skills. Let’s
hope I have the same success for the rest of the rounds.” Fingers crossed, little fella!

A LITTLE KIT MORE
+++ One-off clothing sale tonight +++
Rusty’s busy buddy PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN has been flooded with requests from clothing-hungry members eager to get their hands on the club’s snazzy blue, black and orange vestments before the club champs sale on Saturday 3rd November – so the honorary club president is taking time out of his hectic schedule to flog some kit at Norbiton station, where the stock is currently stored. He’ll be there at 8.30 this evening with the full range of gear – except for medium and large winter jackets and shorts, which have all sold out. Please help Paul out by sending him a
private message via the forum indicating what you would like to purchase. His username is jackthekat. And remember: it’s cash or cheque only, Dynamates!

NOT ALL WHITE
+++ Craig’s nasty crash +++
On a final note, we’d like to wish CRAIG WHITE a speedy recovery following his crash at the Finsbury Park Road Race in Steeple, Essex, on Sunday. Craig was in the five-man break with SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON when he came off at 35mph, falling face-first into a trellis fence. He’s out of hospital, but MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT, who spoke to him on Tuesday, reports that he won’t be eating solid food for a while… http://tinyurl.com/2s9md7. Sam says: “I wish Craig all the best, and I feel for his poor mum. She was in Majorca to pick up the pieces when he broke his hip and was watching her first road race on Sunday.” Get well soon, pal…

WELD DONE
The aluminium tubing of this edition has been carefully welded together, which means its time to flip up our visor and thank everyone for sending stuff in. Always remember that the newsletter is an unadorned frame, and you are our wheels, components and finishing kit. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the lugs begin to cool, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a brake boss.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #164, 19.10.07
————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 14C max, wind SE 1mph; Sun, sunny, 13C max, wind SW 12mph +++
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ARTS-ING PRICE
+++ Bargain end-of-year party +++
Working to an appropriately cyclical system, the editorial team in our famous soundproof bunker has begun winding down for the year just as the upper floors of Dynamo Towers have become a hive of activity – and social secretary PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT has been the busiest bee on the committee these past few weeks, buzzing around some of the capital’s top party venues to find an appropriate location for the club’s much-anticipated end-of-year bash. After great consideration, Paul has picked the Arts Club on Dover Street near Green Park Tube… http://tinyurl.com/3xrare …for the London Dynamo Annual Social and Awards on Thursday 22nd November – but the big news is that all food and drink is included in the ticket price, which will be subsidised by the club. ‘Mo-in-chief NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK will be handing out gongs as he reprises his much-lauded role as compère – and, of course, DYNAMITE! will be on hand to meet its public. It’s going to be the party of the year, Dynamates! Places are bound to go fast – so to reserve yours, simply send a cheque for £40 and your e-mail address for confirmation to Paul Harknett, 30 Tudor Gardens, Twickenham, TW1 4LE. But for now, let’s stay in the Dynamo boardroom as we reveal how another dedicated committee man has been looking ahead to next spring. It’s time to dream of those Mallorcan peaks…

SHORT’S FAR-SIGHTED
+++ Rusty looks ahead to spring trip +++
Industrious tiddler RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT dropped us a note about next year’s Dynamo training camp a few days before securing 9th place at the 4th round of the London Cyclocross League in Rainham, Kent… http://tinyurl.com/32xxpj. The trip will take place from 12th to 19th April – and following the successful formula of previous excursions, the 2008 campers will be based at the four-star Club Pollensa resort in northern Mallorca with on-road support from the GPM10 crew. The price for members has yet to be confirmed, but you can check out what to expect by looking at Cyclefit’s website… http://tinyurl.com/36uprm. More info as soon as we get it!

STRAT’S THE WAY TO DO IT
+++ TT specialist’s road race result +++
Time triallist JAMES ‘HITMAN’ STRATTON has proved he knows a thing or two about road racing after shrewdly sitting in while the bunch chased down a two-man Agiskoviner break on the sun-kissed MoD circuit and then nipping in to claim 10th in 3rd cat event. The year’s last fixture at the Chertsey circuit also saw PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY claim 14th in the E/1/2 race… http://tinyurl.com/38xxpd. Nice one, fellas!

GOODACRE PROGRESS
+++ Patrick one year on +++
Thoughtful JOHN WITTS has given PATRICK GOODACRE his finishing medal from September’s Stephen Roche sportive which the 23-year-old rode in 2006 before his accident in Richmond Park little more than a year ago. John, who participated in this year’s 104-mile event just north of Paris with MICHAEL HAYES, JOHN ORWIN, CHARLES PEACH and brothers JAMES and CHRISTIAN KINMONT, reports that wheelchair-bound Patrick’s speech is “90 per cent there”, adding: “He is even able to have a joke with you. But what is quite outstanding is the incredible courage, uncomplaining patience and good spirits he has shown this past year. He is now on his third hospital, each one a reflection of his gradual progress to the top of the climb. As he says, ‘The hard miles are still to be done.'” Our best wishes to Patrick and his family.

PARTIED OUT
We’re off to reserve a place at the Dynamo Social before it gets fully booked, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue before we get in contact with PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT at the above address. Always remember we are a small chunk of pineapple searching for you, our dice-sized bit of cheese – so please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we pull a party popper, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a buffet table.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #165, 26.10.07
————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, light rain, 16C max, wind SW 13mph; Sun, sunny intervals, 16C max, wind SW 14mph +++
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COFFEE AND TEAM
+++ Running an errand for ex-Dynamo boss +++
As an inveterate snuffler of gossip, this publication was delighted to catch wind of a rumour that former Dynamo president Guy Andrews was considering coming back to the club he co-founded now that he has been ejected from the Rapha rosta – so you can imagine our excitement at bumping into the man himself at the Rouleur photo exhibition in Islington last Friday. Sadly, the joy dissipated when he immediately ordered DYNAMITE! to get him a small cappuccino, no chocolate, from the nearby Costa outlet while he manned his employer’s clothes stall, which was set up next to the stylish black-and-white artworks. When we returned with his beverage, Guy admitted that he will be spending another season on a racing sabbatical following the Rapha team’s merger with Recycling – and he categorically ruled out a return to the Dynamo fold. So if he does a volte-face quicker than you can say “my dog’s name is Birillo”, then please feel free to remind him of his original decision. There were no detours to the local coffee shop on Monday when we paid a visit to A Certain Hampton Wick Retailer, although SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON’s weary expression indicated he could have done with a dose of caffeine to recover from the previous day’s exertions at Ottershaw. The compact mechanic, who featured in two promising but ultimately thwarted breaks, reckons he should have been listed as 8th in the official results rather than 15th – but, of course, it was a certain New Zealander who was the biggest news of the 62-mile E/1/2/3 race. So come with us now to Brook Hall as we remind everyone about how he bluffed about his supposed lack of form. Here comes a big porky pie…

OTTERSHOCK
+++ Delahunty wins bunch sprint +++
With the club champs looming, crafty Kiwi PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY had decided to underplay his chances by claiming to have become a bit of a pie-eater – but his cover was blown at the first of the Surrey League’s three-race Ottershaw series, which saw Pinarello’s Richard Prebble solo to victory after jumping away from breakaway partners SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON and Twickenham rider Andy Betts. With Sam and Betts swallowed up by the pack, sprint sensation Paul cannily positioned himself nicely for the final corner, only to be completely boxed in and shunted to the back. Astonished eyewitness MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT said: “It wasn’t a problem. With a ridiculous distance to the line, Paul swung out and shot past the whole bunch to claim an easy second place.” Good grief… http://tinyurl.com/2l23ol. What on earth was in those pies?

CHEQUE FOR ERRORS
+++ Vital info on Social omitted +++
As everybody knows, all roads lead to the Arts Club in Dover Street, W1, on the evening of Thursday 22nd November… http://tinyurl.com/3xrare …but eagle-eyed readers Dyna-mailed us to point out that last week’s edition omitted to mention who the cheques for the Annual Social should be made payable to. Whoops! They should, of course, be made out to London Dynamo. To secure your place at the event of the 2007 – and it’s going to be a blast if previous years are anything to go by – simply send £40 and your e-mail address to social secretary PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT, at 30 Tudor Gardens, Twickenham TW1 4LE. The ticket price, subsidised by the club, includes all food, drink and NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK’s celebrated turn as compere for the awards part of the evening. That’s worth the admission price alone!

SHOP TACTIC
+++ Free stuff at launch of store +++
Dozens of Dynamates will no doubt be looking for a convenient excuse to skip the Parkride now that old Jack Frost has come a-nipping – and DYNAMITE! has come up with the perfect reason in the form of a new bike shop flinging open its doors at 9am next Saturday, November 3rd. The generous chaps at Prologue in East Sheen will be handing out goody bags to the first 50 customers who turn up on launch day, which will be presided over by Tour de France stage winner Sean Yates, former British road champ Russell Downing and corkscrew-haired triathlete Tim Don. There is also a range of opening week offers, including 15 per cent off Zipp wheels, a 25 per cent reduction on BH bicycles, plus deals on Ridley and Look bikes. The shop’s address is 232 Upper Richmond Road West… http://tinyurl.com/2rneu9. Get there early, Dynamates!

BEAN AND GONE
We’ve ground those beans until they’ve squeaked, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue before we sit back and enjoy a milky latte. Always remember we are an ample mug, but we would be nothing without you, our steaming brew. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the caffeine kicks in, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a Dyna-mochaccino.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #166, 02.11.07
————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf+++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – http://tinyurl.com/36xkay+++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 15C max, wind NW 7mph; Sun, sunny, 12C max, wind NE 3mph +++
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VIRGINIA PAIN
+++ Joy for duathlete duo at World Champs +++
Having trumpeted dozens upon dozens of Dynamo victories over the years, this publication is often surprised by some winners’ unwillingness to publicise their tremendous achievements – so it pleased DYNAMITE! no end to discover that multi-sport ‘Mos JENNY ‘J-LLOYD’ JONES and RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS proudly wore their World Duathlon Championship medals over their Great Britain jerseys when they turned up for a celebratory get-together at CHARLIE and TOBY ‘HUBBY’ BLACKMAN’s pad over the weekend. Forum-dwellers who read Richard’s superb account… http://tinyurl.com/ynp5yz …of how they pushed back the pain barrier in Richmond, Virginia, USA, may have already realised that Jenny was 1st in her age group for the second year running, while her peak-performance partner’s domination on the bike helped propel him to 2nd overall in the men’s age group race… http://tinyurl.com/28t2ze. Inquisitive Dynamates who want to meet the great man himself can come along to the Club Championships at Hillingdon tomorrow where he will be lending a helping hand to event organiser MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT. The race starts at 2.15pm – and don’t forget to bring a wad of cash or your chequebook if you want to buy Dynamo kit, which will be on sale from 12.30pm. In the meantime, your favourite Dynamatic read is winding down in preparation for next week’s issue, which will be the final one of 2007 – so come with us now as we relate the further adventures of certain ‘Mos who are likely to feature in our end-of-year round-up. It’s time to bring the curtain down on the proceedings…

WETTERSHAW
+++ Grief for Garratt, delight for Delahunty +++
He’s done it again, Dynamates! McEwenesque marvel PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY unleashed his devastating burst of speed at Ottershaw to win the bunch sprint for the second consecutive week – and by bagging 6th place, the cranked-up Kiwi is now leading the points competition with one race of the Surrey League mini-series to go. There was also joy for TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT at Sunday’s 60-mile E/1/2/3/4 event after he got in the main move of the day, which was instigated by High Wycombe’s Steve Golla and Martin Smith of AW Cycles as they attacked on the first ascent of Staple Hill. Three others joined the trio, including eventual winner Chris Moores of Norwood Paragon, and Tom hung on to take 3rd…http://tinyurl.com/377bhs. But spare a thought for poor old MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT, who witnessed the rain-sodden pack being whittled down by the puncture fairy on the windswept circuit before a second deflation forced him to throw in the towel as well. Bah!

KIT HITS THE FAN
+++ Sportful cock-up on order for shorts and jackets +++
Masses of ‘Mos will be disappointed to learn that there will be no shorts for sale tomorrow because Sportful have failed to deliver the latest Dynamo order in time as promised. They were originally supposed to be arrive in May, so kit co-ordinator PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN is understandably fuming at the Italian firm for missing yet another deadline. The cock-up also means that the sought-after Windstopper winter jacket is currently available in small size only. Just to make sure no-one unfairly blames Paul for the situation, we’ve attached Sportful’s official explanation from their marketing manager. Shameful delay or understandable mistake? Read it and make up your own minds, Dynamates!

BASH DECISION
+++ Are you coming to the event of the season? +++
Many members are gearing up for the Annual Social and Awards, so make sure you send a cheque for £40, made payable to London Dynamo, if you want to attend the party of the year at the Arts Club, Dover Street, W1, on Thursday 22nd November, where the winner of tomorrow’s inaugural Club Champs will be presented with their trophy. Post your payment and e-mail address to PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT at 30 Tudor Gardens, Twickenham, TW1 4LE. The ticket price – subsidised by the club – includes all food and drink, and you also get NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK thrown in for free as compere. Now that’s a bargain!

CHAMPION EFFORT
The wilds of Hillingdon are calling us, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue before we lubricate the chain for tomorrow’s much-anticipated Club Championships. We’ll be snuffling out as much gossip as possible from the famed West London circuit – but please feel free to send in any tidbits you come across to the address in the “from” field of this message. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as slender-limbed MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT winces at the thought of hauling the Dynamo tea urn onto the signing-in desk, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a lapboard.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #167, 09.11.07
————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 13C max, wind NW 13mph; Sun, sunny intervals, 11C max, wind NW 9mph +++
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BOMBSHELL ABOUT TO GO OFF
+++ It’s the end of an era +++
A glorious pink sky blazed over Hillingdon on Saturday as crafty Kiwi PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY made a brief detour on the grass to get past the masses of ‘Mos stampeding towards the line, thereby securing his victory at the inaugural London Dynamo Club Championships – and DYNAMITE! can exclusively reveal that the sun is also setting on NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK’s stewardship of Britain’s best cycling club. The blonde bombshell told the committee on Monday that he and his family are moving to Monmouthshire at Christmas, so he will step down from his post but remain a member, which means you might see those familiar powerhouse calves at a few races and Dynamo events in 2008. Naturally, DYNAMITE! would like to thank Nick for running the club for the past two years and wish him well for the future. We’ll miss you, pal! And members can look forward electing his replacement at the Annual General Meeting, which will probably take place next month. Nick, of course, attended the Club Champs, where he witnessed IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE try his best to stay away with TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT on the West London circuit – and the soon-to-be ex-captain will be presenting sprint sensation Paul with his trophy at the Annual Social on Thursday 22nd November. Places are filling up nicely for the party at the Arts Club in Dover Street, W1… http://tinyurl.com/3xrare …so make sure you write out a cheque for £40, made payable to London Dynamo, and send it along with your e-mail address to PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT at 30 Tudor Gardens, Twickenham, TW1 4LE, if you don’t want to miss out. All food and drink is included in the subsidised ticket price. There will be an awards ceremony on the night to celebrate the club’s amazing achievements – and to get you in the mood for the prize-giving, this publication is proud to present the ‘Mities, our slightly less serious gong show, in this, the final newsletter of the year. Let’s take a look at the light-hearted side of 2007…

THE AA ‘YOU’VE GOT A FRIEND’ FLUORESCENT YELLOW COAT FOR CHUMS OF THE YEAR
Like the benevolent army of singing roadside mechanics bestriding a hill in the popular television advert, the London Dynamo network is a big, sprawling band of friends, a kind of living Facebook with Richmond Park as its server, if you like – which means there are many, many names that deserve to win this coveted title. At the British Cyclosportive, for instance, good old GAVIN ‘NO LYIN’ RYAN dropped back to help PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT back to the Dynamo train from which the exhausted Brummie
had been forced to decouple thanks to a call of nature (issue #149, 06.07.07). And at Newick scout hut in East Sussex, resourceful ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY lent WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER’s cousin Ben Spurrier his spare pair of shorts, thereby allowing the forgetful Evans rider to take part in the 3rd cat Barcombe race (#135, 30.3). But the observant reader may have already noticed the plural in the title of this particular gong – so it is with great pride that DYNAMITE! hands over the joint prize to gregarious grimpeurs SIMON ‘THAT ONE OUT OF SIMON AND GRAHAM’ RYNTJES and GRAHAM ‘THAT OTHER ONE OUT OF SIMON AND GRAHAM’ ROBINS. The dedicated duo, who have been a regular fixture on the 9am Sunday ride for many years, rode together throughout the arduous 105-mile route of the Polka Dot Challenge, which started in Cheadle Hulme, Cheshire (#147, 22.06) – and working as a two-man team the following weekend, the pair recorded the fastest Dynamo time at this year’s Dragon Ride, finishing the 120-mile South Wales sportive in 6:20:02 (#148, 29.06). They’re like the G-Force gang in Battle of the Planets – Dedicated! Inseparable! Invincible!

THE DON QUIXOTE SADDLEBAGS FOR MOST CONFUSED JOURNEY
Easily eclipsing MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT’s wrong turn during the Ventoux sportive (#144, 01.06), navigationally-challenged rower SIMON ‘IT’S GOOD, BUT IT’S NOT’ WRIGHT was dropped before he ploughed up Puig Major and went down the other side, where he realised something might be amiss as his riding partners GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL and DAVID ‘PINKY’ GARDNER were nowhere to be seen. So the big lad turned around, went back up the mountain – which happens to be the biggest in Mallorca – and eventually made his way back to the unofficial Dynamo training camp’s base at Club Pollensa (#137, 13.04). What a way to earn a post-ride beer by the pool!

THE GUY ANDREWS’ MEGAPHONE FOR BLAST OF THE YEAR
Quick-to-anger crit queen CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN made a wholehearted bid to win this category by using a word that begins with “W” and rhymes with “Le Tour” after a wheel-sucking woman annoyed her at the Milton Keynes Bowl – and 24 hours later, she unleashed a volley of verbal fury at a “stupid man” who knocked her front wheel at Thruxton. In a fit of blind fury that would have made founding Dynamo president Guy Andrews proud, cheesed-off Charlington unleashed another stream of invective on the next lap of the Hampshire motor circuit, only to discover that she had lambasted the wrong chap this time (#134, 23.03). But her efforts were outdone by the vivid imagery used by NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK, who threatened to forcibly remove DAVID ‘PINKY’ GARDNER’s legs and stick them up his you-know-where after the Kent crackerjack upped the pace in the Peak District to escape the hail lashing down on the 16 intrepid Mos (#127, 02.02). Wash your mouth out, sir!

THE R KELLY ‘I BELIEVE I CAN FLY’ AWARD
Terrified tiddler RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT made an inadvertent attempt to become a human kite when high winds visited the Dynamo trip to the Peak District (#127, 02.02) – but PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN bettered his little chum’s abilities as a gust-magnet when he fitted a disc wheel and deep-section rim for a blustery 30-mile time trial in Frieth, Bucks. With wind speeds reaching up to 36mph, the TT titan was blown from one curb to the other, leaving him with his nerves shot to pieces by the time he crossed the line in 1:16:57 (#134, 23.03). At least the chortling Agiskoviner officials in the team car were kept entertained!

THE WILLY VOET MEDICINE BAG FOR DUBIOUS EXPERIMENT OF THE YEAR
Human guinea pig RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT had a funny turn while driving SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON to the season-opening Perfs Pedal race in Portsmouth – and it was all thanks to his sneaky chum PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN, who had persuaded him to try out a suspect product called Spike which he had purchased over the internet… http://tinyurl.com/ynw9sb. Living up to the manufacturer’s proud boast that it will “blow your freakin’ head off”, the pill left Rusty holding the steering wheel in a sweaty, vice-like grip as his heart-rate rocketed (#129, 16.02). Sadly, the effects wore off after a minute, so the little fella wasn’t able to reap the benefits during the race itself. Bad luck, pal!

THE JOHN TRAVOLTA GLITTERBALL FOR SERVICES TO DANCING
Ever the gentleman, DYNAMITE! was glad to fulfil an ample lass’s request to “dance erotically” by introducing her to ginger jiver CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN, who was strutting his stuff on the dancefloor of the King’s Tun during his stag night in Kingston (#135, 30.03). Perhaps it was the sheer magnitude of the woman he was facing that led to him delivering a substandard boogie at the “upmarket” Surrey boozer – or maybe he realised that he could never out-dance childhood chum TOM ‘HUMBLE’
HEMMANT, who has bagged this particular gong for his “funky chicken” moves at Chadders’ reception one month later (#139, 27.04). The man was clucking amazing!

THE RECYCLABLE PLASTIC BAG FOR SHOPPING TRIP OF THE YEAR
Speaking of Dynamo’s now-defunct Solna Avenue chapter, crit killer RICHARD ‘BOY RACER’ DOLBY was barely able to turn the pedals after hitting the wall in spectacular fashion during his road race debut at a 2/3/4 SERRL event in Bells Yew Green, East Sussex – and his plea to a marshal for food earned him a handful of loose change plus directions to the nearest Costcutter (#142, 18.05). Two bananas, one Boost bar and a couple of digestives later, refuelled Rich was able to get back on his white Litespeed and reach the finish just as the line judge was packing up. Hurrah!

THE MICHAEL RASMUSSEN WORLD ATLAS FOR MOST AMUSING OVERSEAS JOURNEY
In a valiant attempt to fill the voluminous pink jersey vacated by Jan ‘it’s me glands’ Ullrich, daring Dynamate JONATHAN ‘SNAPS’ GITTOS infiltrated the T-Mobile training camp in Mallorca (#127, 02.02) where he befriended Brit pros Roger Hammond and Mark Cavendish before persuading the former to pose in a stylish Dynamo cap… http://tinyurl.com/2gr7gc.
Sadly, the new media man failed to pass himself off as Der Kaiser, which means this award goes to Levi Leipheimer look-alike PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT, who was asked to pose for numerous photos and a Japanese TV station after clueless spectators at the opening stage of the Tour de Langkawi repeatedly mistook him for a professional cyclist (#129, 16.02). It must have been because he was wearing the kit of that world-famous pro team London Dynamo!

THE ROY CASTLE COMMEMORATIVE TAP SHOES FOR RECORD OF THE YEAR
He already holds the record for the fastest Dynamo rise from 4th to 1st cat (16 weeks and one day, in case you were wondering) – and this year RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS made another entry in the club’s history books when he did the WLCA 10 in 20:43 (#162, 05.10). His time was the fastest ever recorded for the course in Knowl Hill, Berks, until someone shaved 10 seconds off it an hour later – which means Rich has set the briefest record held by a ‘Mo. Congratulations!

THE DOROTHY PERKINS GIFT VOUCHERS FOR MOST UNCONVINCING SEX CHANGE
(presented by British former pro **NAME CENSORED ON LEGAL ADVICE**) Hard-as-nails northerner TONY ‘CHUCKLES’ SMEDLEY could never be accused of looking like a girl, so it was a surprise to many when the organisers of a 3rd cat Surrey League race at the MoD circuit in Chertsey thought he appeared to be CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN (#153, 03.08). There are, of
course, a pair of noticeable differences between the two (one wears pink Oakleys and a Specialized helmet, the other doesn’t), so quite why 4th-placed Tony was listed as his Dynamette buddy remains a mystery…

PEACOCK TAKING FLIGHT…
A removals van is waiting outside Dynamo Towers, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue before Nick begins carefully packing away his extensive collection of sought-after bicycles. The editorial team will return to the newsletter’s famous soundproof bunker in February, by which time the club will have a new leader. Perhaps the job will be handed over to a certain chirpy Mancunian who fights it, but knows he wants it. Or maybe he just needs time to think. But there isn’t time to think – there’s only time to act! In the meantime, please feel free to send us a Dyna-mail containing any news or gossip you might have to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. You might also like to keep an eye on the forum for announcements regarding the date of the AGM and that long-postponed kit sale. But for now, as we pause to give a huge thank-you to everyone who has contributed stuff over the past nine months, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles
at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and someone who has won the Brittany Ferries 2-Day.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next year, Dynamates, goodbye, have a great Christmas and New Year, and keep riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #168, 15.02.08
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics -http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web -http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny, 7C max, wind E 10mph; Sun, sunny, 8C max, wind SE 7mph +++
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JESS LIKE BEFORE
+++ Repeat performance at Gill Jessop TT +++
Like the standard of coffee at the Roehampton Gate café or GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL’s childlike fondness for his cuddly mascot Splodger, there are some aspects of the Dynamo world that never change – and as Britain’s top Dynamatic update begins its fifth fantastic year, we are pleased to report that big-hitting ‘Mo RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS has taken 3rd place at the Gil Jessop time trial, 12 months after achieving the same position in the season-opening event in East Clandon, Surrey. The skinsuited sizzler covered the 14-mile course in 32:18, which was 26 seconds faster than his 2007 effort, and his partner JENNY ‘J-LLOYD’ JONES was first lady with a time of 38:43. Rich’s pointy-hatted pals PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN and Guy Powdrill came 11th and 17th respectively at Sunday’s event… http://tinyurl.com/38k48g …while over in Rowlands Castle, Hants, that same afternoon, compact 1st cat SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON rose to the challenge of the notoriously tough Perfs Pedal E/1/2/3 race with a creditable 14th… http://tinyurl.com/36fx7s. But with dozens of less-familiar members destined to appear at the first Beginners’ Series race on Sunday, it seems only fitting that we turn our attention to riders who have rarely, if ever, graced a DYNAMITE! news item – so come with us now to the wilds of Kent as we relate how one of Mr Simmonds’ protégés is getting along. Let’s take the road to hell…

DOGGED BONZO
+++ Di Lorenzo matches Pearch’s pace +++
They say perspective comes with age – and female-loving fiftysomething CHARLIE ‘HARDY’ PEARCH certainly had an enjoyable perspective as he toiled away behind Scotland’s Claire Thomas at the Hell of the Ashdown Challenge in Knockholt, Kent, on Sunday. The cheeky chap freely admits that he “followed her for a while and thoroughly enjoyed the view” en route to completing the 65-mile sportive in 3:48:00 – but he was dismayed to see his Scottish companion erased from the No.2 spot on the final results, even though the omission elevated him from 3rd to joint 2nd on the 315-strong list of finishers. Charlie – currently being coached by RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS – shared his top three position with arch nemesis ANTONY ‘BONZO’ DI LORENZO, whom he has vowed to drop at the Etape before they reach La Mongie. Wisely avoiding the duo’s rivalry, NICK ‘BARON’ DOVE rode without them to take 4th place with a time of 3:50:00… http://tinyurl.com/yvdgzc. Don’t get involved with them, pal!

PARAGONERS
+++ Dulwich vanquished at cross champs +++
With one man down, the pressure facing cyclo-crossers JASON ‘KEEP IT CLEAN’ GREEN, RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT and IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE must have been tremendous as they raced towards the line at the London Team Championships, fully aware that Arctic had already taken the top spot and Dulwich Paragon were threatening to secure a place on the podium – but the Dynamo ‘A’ squad soon showed the lads in light blue who deserved a share of the silverware on offer at sun-kissed Hainault Forest Park in Essex on Sunday. Having used his superior handling skills to maintain his position throughout the twisty, slippery race, Rusty hurtled past the chequered flag to take 7th, one place ahead of DP’s Kevin Knox. Jason, meanwhile, concluded a ding-dong battle with Patrick Jones by taking 12th place, thereby relegating his Dulwich rival too an unlucky 13th. And despite parenthood taking its toll on his performance, new dad Ian still managed to nab 21st, leaving the 22nd place on the finishing sheet to – you guessed it – a Paragon rider, in this case the uniquely-named Mr Anne Boorsma. Result: London Dynamo 3rd, Dulwich Paragon 4th, and Rusty was 5th overall in the league. Great results, fellas! Ever-supportive MICHAEL ‘LUNGER’ SNEYD cheered on the trio after irreparable damage to his crank threads caused by newly-fitted pedals forced him to pull out. Grateful Jase reveals: “You can feel very isolated once the race has spread out, so the encouragement to push on through the inertia is hugely appreciated.” Meanwhile, ‘RADAR’ RUSS TURNER lost his cross virginity by joining ANDREW GRAINGER, STEVE WOOD and ALEX ‘LUGPUMP’ MURRAY to form the Dynamo ‘B’ team, which took 15th place… http://tinyurl.com/2l9v3p. Jason adds: “The results this season and having two full teams so conspicuously present at the team champs show Dynamo has become a formidable force in cyclo-cross. Hopefully next season more people will want to try it out.” Masochists, form an orderly queue!

BEGINNING AGAIN
+++ Novice races are back +++
Finally, a quick reminder that the first of Dynamo’s two Beginners’ Series races kicks off at 10am on Sunday at the Qinetic circuit in Chertsey… http://tinyurl.com/ysml4s …with an E/1/2/3 handicap following at 11.15am. The races are a much-loved Dynamo tradition that have been the first stepping stone in the world of competitive cycling for many members, and this will be the final year of racing at the former MoD venue – so enjoy it while you can, Dynamates! Event organiser MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT welcomes anyone who would like to help out, so Dyna-mail him at martingarratt@londondynamo.co.uk if you can lend a hand. We’ll see you there!

TEA-ING OFF
The Dynamo tea urn is being carefully unpacked out of storage in preparation for the Beginners’ Series, which means there’s just time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue before we pop down to the local Spar for a box of Tetley. Always remember that we are a polystyrene cup and we would be nothing without you, our steaming brew. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk, or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we grab two pints of full fat, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps
split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and one lump. Or two.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.