The DYNAMITE! Files

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #139, 27.04.07
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny, 24C max, wind E 10mph; Sun, sunny, 24C max, wind E 5mph +++
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DANCE TOM THE MUSIC
+++ Intriguing moves at Chapman’s do +++
Gregarious DYNAMITE! loves to mingle with some of the club’s top movers and shakers – so it was an absolute pleasure visiting the leafy environs of Lower Beeding, West Sussex, on Saturday night to witness some interesting moves and a whole lot of shaking by a number of merry ‘Mos celebrating CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN getting hitched to the lovely Nicola. Congratulations, you two! In the words of a Take That tune that went down particularly well on the dancefloor, this publication will Never Forget some of the intriguing shapes thrown by LUCY ‘DANCING’ DOVE, WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER, STUART ‘POSTAL’ JEFFREYS, JOE ‘BLOW’ HEMMANT, STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES, MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON and best man RICHARD ‘BOY RACER’ DOLBY, not to mention the ginger jiver himself who got the wedding reception underway by giving it up ballroom style with his wife to the tune of Elton John’s Your Song. But it was the terpsichorean skills of Chadders’ childhood chum TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT that really impressed the judges of this organ as he moved his head in a pecking motion out of time to the music while keeping his arms bent stiffly at his sides like a pair of wings – a routine that can be best described as “doing the funky chicken”. It wasn’t that wild, but it was certainly fowl! In fairness, the rhythmically-challenged chap was probably bopping under duress after his boogie-mad girlfriend Lucy tired of him earnestly discussing his power output readings with fellow turbo nut Martin – who, incidentally, kipped in a sleeping bag with his bike in the back of the car so he could compete at a time trial in Horsham at 7.30am the next day. Now that’s dedication! Tom’s elder brother Joe also used the evening to limber up for an event the following morning – and his cardiovascular workout to Abba’s Dancing Queen helped him bag a podium place which we will reveal more about later on. Sadly, not every Dynamatic event this week was as harmonious as Chris’s nuptials – so come with us now as the wedding bells are drowned out by a bit of ding-dong. Here comes a nasty shove…

RAS DECISION
+++ Butler picks Simmonds and Delahunty for Irish stage race +++
Anyone who has witnessed crazed Kiwi PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY unleash his devastating sprint will know that the McEwenesque marvel is not a man to be messed with – so one can only wonder at the sheer nerve of an unknown GS Invicta rider who gave the New Zealander not one but two pushes at Chilham in Kent on Sunday, sending him crashing to the kerb. What a rotter! The unsporting shoves, which came as the leading group of 11 took the final 1.5-mile climb in the 2/3/4 race, left poor Paul with road rash on his left hip and damage to his bike. But incredibly, the mad-as-hell ‘Mo managed to get back on, chase the leaders down and finish 5th… http://tinyurl.com/2dw8ot. You showed ’em, buster! Stunned GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY, who took 11th after bridging across to the break with Paul and 15th-placed DAVE ‘PINKY’ GARDNER, asked the SERRL commissaire to disqualify pushy number 52, only to be rebuffed with this curious history lesson: “The world is changing. People are generally less patient than they were in the 60s and 70s. When they feel they’ve been hard done by they can lash out, even when that’s not in their character. So I’m doing nothing about it. An apology has been given.” Fuming Paul considered knocking the miscreant’s block off and then apologising afterwards but managed to restrain himself – which was probably just as well, as it could have led to Surrey League supremo Keith Butler having second thoughts about entering him for the prestigious FBD Insurance Ras next month… http://tinyurl.com/yrb9j9. Race secretary MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT reveals: “After a series of behind-closed-doors meetings with myself and Keith, it has been decided that Paul and RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS will ride the stage race as part of a five-man Surrey League team. The other riders in the squad are Simon Saunders, Mark Smith and Ben Pochee.” Rich has started to show form recently, partnering PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN a few weeks ago to win the a3crg two-up time trial in Rogate, West Sussex… http://tinyurl.com/35ecuc …and nabbing 13th place at the Les Ingham E/1/2/3 event in Bletchingley, Surrey, on Sunday… http://tinyurl.com/2lh6ak …but he nevertheless admits to being apprehensive by the prospect of the Irish race. Huge crowds, a high-quality field and eight consecutive days of racing – what on earth as he got to feel nervous about?

PERFECT MATCH
+++ Fiery Hayter lights up race for Hemmant Sr +++
Observant copper JAMES ‘PARTICULARS’ NORTHWAY has noticed that WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER bears a passing resemblance to a Swan Vesta thanks to his striking red helmet – and the lanky lad proved he was on fire at the Norman Halewood 3/4 race in Corhampton, Hants, by helping to drive a high pace which reduced the 60-strong field to less than 35 on the tough 55-mile course. Flamin’ hell! The matchstick man wasn’t burned out after trying and failing to single-handedly bring back a lone breakaway by eventual winner Eamonn Dean of Bournemouth Jubilee – but after the bunch briefly split on the last climb, the Dyna-magnanimous chap decided to work for his buddy JOE ‘BLOW’ HEMMANT in the sprint for the No.2 spot. Joe revealed: “It was a supreme lead-out. He took the wind with around 300 metres to go and popped me out 80 metres from the line. You can’t ask for more than that. I got pipped for 2nd by a wily old vet who had seen the blue train coming and snuck on like a fare-dodging commuter, but it was still a great ride from Will and there was some solid teamwork. If only we could do that every week!” Joe’s domestique settled for 15th place… http://tinyurl.com/yu4vvb … but spare a thought for puncture victim ROB ‘THE VAGUE’ PRITCHARD, who stood by the road handing out drinks to Will after the jinxed lad’s disobedient bidon jumped out for the second time in the space of a month. Somebody get him a new bottle cage!

PAINE BACK TIME
+++ Welcome return of Palace +++
The pre-race banter on the grass, cheerful John Mullineaux waving his camera around on the downhill corner and that taste of blood in your mouth as your lungs explode – all of these pleasurable rituals can only mean one thing, Dynamates. That’s right – racing at Palace is back! Tuesday’s E/1/2 season-opener saw IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE pull back a lone breakaway, allegedly because the rider made a few slanderous remarks about his cornering techniques last season. If he didn’t make them, he certainly won’t now! The ever-diplomatic TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT fears that mentioning this alleged grudge will create a tit-for-tat situation, so we’ll refrain from revealing the person’s name. But Ian’s efforts nevertheless helped keep the race together, leaving Tom feeling “a bit bad” for not doing better than 4th place. You owe him one, chum! Ian finished 6th, STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES came 8th and SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON took 11th, while ANDREW ‘COALFACE’ STRONGE just missed out on the top 10 in the fragmented 3/4 race… http://tinyurl.com/38ecmh. Roll on next week!

…AND A FEW ‘MO THINGS…
+++ JASON ‘KEEP IT CLEAN’ GREEN 3rd in Hillingdon 4th cat race +++ IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE wins Hounslow Wheelers 10-mile time trial in Chertsey, clocking in at 24:14, while PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN stops with cramp +++

DRIVING AWAY
The confetti has been thrown and the happy couple are climbing into a jalopy with tin cans tied to its bumper, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue before the “just married” sign recedes into the distance. Always remember we are something old, and we would be nothing without you, our something new. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the bride and groom wave from the rear window, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and something borrowed.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #140, 04.05.07
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 18C max, wind N 7mph; Sun, sunny intervals, 22C max, wind SW 12mph +++
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GRAND PLAN
+++ Winner has big-money prize in his sights+++
For many ‘Mos, pocketing a crisp ten pound note discreetly sheathed in a brown envelope is an ample reward for a good result – so it will be interesting to see if PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY returns £990 to the organisers of the Toachim House Grand Prix in the event of him emerging victorious at the forthcoming big-money SERRL race… http://tinyurl.com/2tmxu9. The determined New Zealander has hinted to TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT that he intends to win the £1,000 top prize, prompting the astute accountant to calculate the financial worth of his services as a domestique at Edenbridge, Kent, this Sunday. Sadly, the crafty Kiwi seems to have perfected his McEwenesque technique of stealing rivals’ wheels in the dying moments of a race to propel him towards the chequered flag, which means that Tom is likely to be surplus to requirements. So bang goes that windfall, buddy! The value of Paul’s devastating sprint was proved once again this week as he took the top spot on the toughest Surrey League course around – so come with us to leafy Elstead as we reveal why he’s on the Dyna-money. Let’s cheque this guy out…

MONTY ZOOMER
+++ Speedy Delhunty victorious at Cutmill +++
It’s a dreaded climb that has claimed many a mighty ‘Mo over the years – but at least the exit of cramped-up STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES on the penultimate lap of Cutmill gave him the chance to witness awesome PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY powering away from the bunch to win the 2/3 event with a few seconds in hand. Fantastic stuff, pal! The Sunday afternoon race also saw MATT ‘IRON’ BRIDGES take 6th, while JOE ‘BLOW’ HEMMANT and MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON took 9th and 10th respectively in the 3rd cat race that morning. Around half the field failed to finish – and exhausted Joe was not best pleased with an a3crg rider who strung out the bunch by upping the pace on the main descent, thus ensuring that there was no respite on the up-and-down course. There’s always someone who spoils it for everyone else, pal!

HAIL THE KING
+++ Paine’s Palace triumph +++
Joe’s bro TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT was 7th at the Thames Velo E/1/2/3 race in Great Milton, Oxon, on Sunday after getting into a decisive early break of 13 – and he became the Earl of Hurt on Tuesday as he finished 2nd behind IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE at Crystal Palace… http://tinyurl.com/3akgrg. That’s two great Dynamo wins in one week, Dynamates! Regular readers will remember that Tom felt a bit guilty for only getting 4th on the opening night of the crit series after his chum chased down a lone breakaway, which might have inspired Ian to get away on his own this week and solo to victory. Tom’s three-man chasing group was quickly swallowed up after he made it clear he wasn’t going after his team-mate, but Dynamo’s quiet man cleverly avoided the lottery of a bunch sprint by breaking away to secure the No.2 spot in the E/1/2 race. Shrewd move, mate! A record 90 entrants squeezed onto the 0.6-mile circuit, the majority of them in the 3/4 race – so hats off to WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER who stayed with the fast, rapidly-diminishing bunch to take 8th… http://tinyurl.com/2ec3ja …and commiserations to MATT ‘IRON’ BRIDGES, whose bid to get away on the final climb was cruelly thwarted. Better luck next time, pal! Elsewhere in criterium land, on-form PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY earned his second result of the week with 7th at the Hillingdon E/1/2/3 race on Tuesday, while TORKEL DOHMERS came 8th in the 4th cat event… http://tinyurl.com/3dhusy …and Wednesday’s 3/4 race at Eelmore saw RICHARD ‘BOY RACER’ DOLBY take 8th on the pan-flat Hampshire course… http://tinyurl.com/28jz85. You’d never guess he’d taken a two-year break from racing!

CHESHIRE SPAT
+++ Blackman disappears from stage race results +++
The first round of the National Women’s Road Series involved a long schlep up north for CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN – so the outraged Dynamette was quite right to clench her fists and frown until the word “FUME!” appeared above her head after discovering that she had been omitted from the final results of Sunday’s Cheshire Classic in Weaverham… http://tinyurl.com/2tqbrt. What a blimmin’ cheek! For the record, then, the Boudica of Barnes was as fast as teen sprint sensation Louise Mahe in the opening 1.8-mile time trial, which put her in the top half of the GC populated by the pointy-hat brigade of British Cycling juniors. The manic 50-mile road stage saw KIMBERLY ‘CANUCK’ KABATOFF sensibly retire on the first lap, leaving her team-mate to brave the testing climb for six laps before she dropped back to form a lively gruppeto with two Team Ireland girls and a rider from Bray CC. Charlie reveals: “The four of us worked past several other groups, and more riders were dropped following a big, bloody crash in the main field.” But when the results for the E/1/2/3/4 race appeared on Tuesday, Charlie was nowhere to be seen. If that’s not grounds for an argument with the race organisers, we don’t know what is!

CASHING UP
The pen is hovering above the chequebook, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent in stuff for this issue before “P. Delahunty” is inked on the paper. Always remember we are an account containing the week’s Dynamtic news, but we would be nothing without regular deposits. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the last penny is counted, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a crumpled fiver.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #141, 11.05.07
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, light showers, 17C max, wind W 12mph; Sun, light showers, 14C max, wind S 17mph +++
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A HOL LOT OF GOOD
+++ Italian breaks reap results +++
Like many shrewd members, astute DYNAMITE! is always wary of the latest training fads – but after witnessing the rejuvenating effects of a certain technique and the simplicity with which it can be mastered, this publication can heartily recommend the unusual method referred to in hushed tones as “taking a bit of a break”. It’s controversial, Dynamates, but the results speak for themselves. Mahogany-hued ‘RADAR’ RUSS TURNER celebrated his 36th birthday by sunning himself on the banks of Lake Maggiore before coming home to win his first race since he was a BMX junior – and GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL, who was holidaying elsewhere in Italy, displayed a return to form when he raced on the same circuit as Russ this week. Terrific Turner’s success was one of an incredible three Dynamo wins at Chertsey – so come with us now to the Surrey League event as we reveal the other two valiant victors. Here comes a triple whammy…

WINNING STREAKY
+++ Sprint victory for Danish debutant +++
It was his first outing in Dynamo colours, and he was nowhere to be seen until the final 300m – but great Dane RUNE ‘SIZZLER’ SANBECK brought home the bacon by out-sprinting more than 60 4th cats to win at MoD Chertsey on Saturday… http://tinyurl.com/2hkaqh. Let’s hope it wasn’t a flash in the frying pan! The crash-marred race was run simultaneously with the women’s event, which jet-setting Dynamette MELISSA GILLAN duly won before flying off to Hong Kong… http://tinyurl.com/yvjwtc. And the Dynamo winning streak continued in the 3rd cat race as ‘RADAR’ RUSS TURNER fought off a terrifying 84 riders in the sprint to take 1st… http://tinyurl.com/ywan7j …as a wince-inducing tumble took place a few feet behind him… http://tinyurl.com/395d9l. Nasty stuff! Some minutes later, GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL nabbed 10th in the 50-mile E/1/2 race after his 12-man break’s lead of a minute and a half was whittled down to less than 30 seconds… http://tinyurl.com/ywan7j. Now that’s close!

NOT QUITE SICK AS PARROT
+++ Delahunty misses SERRL payday as Paine fails to chunder +++
The final laps of Guy’s race also saw the ever-determined PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY launch an unsuccessful attempt to bridge across to the break, which was a prelude to his appearance at the super-aggressive Toachim House Grand Prix at Edenbridge, Kent, the following day. Paul’s team-mates TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT, SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON, IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE and RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS probably realised that the capable Kiwi’s noble aim of bagging the £1,000 top prize had been thwarted when PCA turned up on the starting line with more riders than a full Tour de France team. What an ingenious way of guaranteeing victory! But when Ian got into the seven-man lead group less than halfway into the 75-mile E/1/2/3 race, it was clear that Dynamo’s awesome fivesome wasn’t prepared to let the 11-strong pink-and-blue behemoth have an easy life. At 15th place, Wandsworth wonderman Ian was the highest-placed ‘Mo on the results sheet, and along the way he also got to witness fired-up Rob Hayles in full do-you-want-some mode as he bellowed “C’mon then!” to Gordon McCauley after the PCA man’s umpteenth attack was shut down. You tell him, pal! The fragmented, attack-packed SERRL race ended with Paul destroying his group on the uphill finish to take 17th, while Rich finished almost 1:30 ahead of him in 13th place. Laid-back Tom gifted the last remaining point on offer in the band 2 event as he graciously let Alex Dowsett of 100% ME nip past him for 20th… http://tinyurl.com/3y7tmu …and Dynamo’s quiet man unwittingly gave Tony Gibb a hand sling when the PCA star grabbed hold of his thigh. The flat-track hardman was probably feeling a little tired after all those climbs! Shagged-out Rich admits: “I can’t remember a harder race, to be honest. I lost count of the number of attacks that were started or followed either by myself or another ‘Mo. It was awesome teamwork, but we were in bits at the end. Ian summed it up beautifully: ‘I really want to throw up, but I just can’t.'” What a lovely image to end on!

GETTING BEDDER ALL THE TIME
+++ Dynamettes take on pros in Bedfordshire +++
None of them had taken part in a road race 12 months ago – but after hours of planning, dozens of e-mails and a request by the event organiser to adopt a Rapha Condor rider, a quartet of daring Dynamettes found themselves mingling with the Dutch pros on the starting line for the Women’s International Stage Race at Bedford at the weekend. And one of them ended up bagging a top five place! The rollercoaster journey began with CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN, ANNA GRUNDY, KIMBERLY ‘CANUCK’ KABATOFF and MELISSA WADAMS following the high pace set by honorary ‘Mette Jane ‘The Killer’ Kilmartin on the team time trial, which led to the quintet quickly becoming a trio. Determined Anna gave her all to stay with elite trialist Jane and Charlie, thereby giving the team the three riders required to complete the stage – and her efforts were rewarded with a time of 14:14 on the 6-mile course. A break for lunch was followed by a 50-mile road stage in Keysoe, which saw two crashes caused by one of the many horse boxes screaming past and a couple of gee gees rearing across the road. What a trotting disgrace! Finally, the ladies arrived at the last hill – and Charlie reveals: “I flew up the front, all the while thinking, ‘This can’t be right.’ But I came 4th! Jane was also in the top 10. Go Dynamettes!” The original field of 90 was significantly reduced the next day after heavy rain visited the Millbrook test circuit, which some may know from the popular motoring programme Top Gear – but revved up Charlie wasn’t going to steer clear of the 53-mile final stage. She says: “I was in a really good position coming into the last lap – and then, just over a mile from home, I crashed going round the slippery final bend. Quel horreur! I jumped back on and pedalled like a banshee to finish, hopefully not too many minutes back from the main field.” Complete results for the race, which have been published since Charlie dropped us a line, reveal that she finished 27th overall among the 72 finishers, while Jane took 19th… http://tinyurl.com/25vrrx. Fantastic result, ladies!

…AND A FEW ‘MO THINGS…
+++ JASON ‘KEEP IT CLEAN’ GREEN takes the No.4 spot at Hillingdon 4th cat event… http://tinyurl.com/2qrm5a +++ WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER 6th at Crystal Palace 3/4 race – his best position yet +++ IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE 4th and SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON 7th at Palace E/1/2 race, which was won by someone called Warrick Spence from a new team called Cyclefit.co.uk… http://tinyurl.com/36pjw7 +++

CONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN
We’re contemplating a long, performance-boosting sojourn in Italy, which means that there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent in stuff for this issue before we head to the land of the “attempted” yet contrite blood doper. Always remember we are just one Cornetto, but we would be nothing without you, our crooning gondolier. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as a smouldering signorina sails past to nick our creamy treat, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a tub of Neapolitan.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

YOU POUR THINGS
+++ Crit fans miffed as races are rained off +++
Throughout its illustrious history, the mighty blue, black and orange army has overcome many mighty enemies on the circuits of south east England – but Mother Nature proved to be an unconquerable foe this week when she created misery at a number of races and caused others to be cancelled, simply by unleashing an onslaught of rain. Damn you, cruel mistress! Crit-crazy chums DAVID ‘PINKY’ GARDNER, TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT, ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY, IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE, GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL and many others eagerly paid their £10 entry fee at Crystal Palace on Tuesday night, only to receive a refund less than an hour later after the heavens opened for the umpteenth time that day, making the dreaded bottom corner far too slippery for racing. Curses! A trip to the coast for CHRIS ‘CALAMITY’ CAMPBELL also turned out to be a washout when a lone, drenched, British Cycling official informed him that Friday’s 2/3/4 race at Hove Park had been called off. But lucky old MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON managed to avoid a soaking at Bentley, Hants, where he braved the exceptionally windy conditions to take 7th at the Farnborough and Camberley 25-mile time trial on Saturday… http://tinyurl.com/2vozuj. …and undaunted Dynamates elsewhere refused to let the diluvial weather disrupt their racing schedule. So come with us now to round three of the Sigma Sport Road Race Series, where three wet ‘Mos defied the fate of more than half the field by actually making it to the chequered flag. Here comes the broomwagon…

THEY AIN’T COMING BEC
+++ Quartet leave pack for dead at Lingfield +++
It started raining half an hour into the 72-mile event and didn’t stop until they drove home – so let’s all give a hearty “chapeau” to TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT, IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE and RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS for being among the paltry total of 18 finishers at the Bec CC road race in Edenbridge, Kent on Sunday. Well done, fellas! Their hopes of landing a podium place were dashed on the first lap of SERRL’s Lingfield circuit when four of the strongest riders in the E/1/2/3 race disappeared up the road, although Ian would later get close to bridging the gap. Lucky Rich was allowed to escape a few miles from the finish, which enabled him to nab 7th, while Tom took 8th and Ian settled for 17th… http://tinyurl.com/ys6mu5. As it was a band 2 event, all of the 18 finishers earned points – and they certainly deserved them. Rich admits: “My hands and feet were numb at the end. I’m not sure I’ve ever done such a wet race.” The FBD Insurance Ras, which starts on Sunday… http://tinyurl.com/yof884 …should be a doddle by comparison!

JOE BLOWS
+++ Hemmant Sr pays the price for hill climb +++
As Rich prepares to head for Ireland with PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY, outspoken JOE ‘BLOW’ HEMMANT is demonstrating his no-nonsense approach to cycling by becoming the unofficial directeur sportif and team leader of the eight-man Dynamo supergroup taking part in L’Etape de la Defonce stage race. The in-control Crewe man has sorted out energy bars, gels, breakfast supplies and salubrious accommodation at a Premier Travel Inn for MATT ‘IRON’ BRIDGE, CHRIS ‘CALAMITY’ CAMPBELL, CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN, MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT, WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER, ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY, TONY ‘CHUCKLES’ SMEDLEY and himself, so the pampered 3rd cats are really expected to come up with the goods in Bridgend, Mid Glamorgan, this weekend. But whatever happens, the daunting gradients of South Wales are unlikely to prove a problem for TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT’s determined older brother, who finished 4th in the four-mile uphill time trial at the Tour of the Milburys in Meonstoke, Hants, on Saturday. Nice one, pal! Having used up his energy, knackered Joe admits the 2nd and final stage of the 2/3/4 event saw him “hanging on for grim death”, although he still managed to rustle up a sprint to take 19th. That’s the spirit! Meanwhile, RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON bridged to the decisive break, allowing him to grab the No.9 spot on the 68-mile stage and elevate his GC position to 9th. Joe ended up 15th on the GC and DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE came 20th… http://tinyurl.com/2spz8b …but spare a thought for WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER, who ran out of juice on the second stage. Unlucky, buddy!

UNHAPPY SHOPPER
+++ Race official diverts dazed Dolby to Costcutter +++
Team players DAVID ‘PINKY’ GARDNER and HUW ‘AITCH’ WATKINS dutifully sat on the front of the pack at Lamberhurst/Frant on Sunday, allowing RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT to get away – and after the 2/3/4 race came back together, the duo still managed to nab 14th and 15th respectively… http://tinyurl.com/2d6ohu. Well done, fellas! Less than half the 60-strong field finished the rain-drenched 56-mile race in Bells Yew Green, East Sussex, although it appears only RICHARD ‘BOY RACER’ DOLBY was sent on an emergency shopping errand. The experienced crit man, who was making his road race debut, ended up getting dropped on the start of the final lap before hitting the wall spectacularly five minutes later. He reveals: “I could barely turn the pedals and my vision was narrowing. Eventually I found a marshal to beg for food, but he didn’t have any, so he just gave me some loose change and pointed me in the direction of Costcutter.” Only the finest grocery outlets set up shop in SERRL country! Rich adds: “I felt more than a bit stupid, but if I hadn’t eaten I probably would have passed out. Two bananas, one Boost bar and two digestives later I was feeling somewhat better. I managed to reach the finish just as the line judge was packing up his car to go home. I felt like an idiot, but at least I can say that I finished. I also learned you must eat more before the race and take food to eat during the race. And have some money on you.” That’s a lesson to us all!

IT’S SQUALL OVER
Hopefully, the worst of the wet weather is now over, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue before we wring our wet overshoes. Always remember this publication is a broad, inclusive umbrella, and each of you is welcome to huddle beneath it. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the storm clouds pass, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish milesat a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a Pac-a-mac.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #143, 25.05.07
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny, 18C max, wind N 8mph; Sun, light showers, 13C max, wind S 14mph +++
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HAVE HUW SEEN MY MATES?
+++ Lonely Watkins left behind as team-mates triumph in Wales +++
With membership numbers soaring towards 350, it’s almost impossible for any Dynamate or Dynamette to swing a leg over their top tube without inadvertently booting a fellow ‘Mo – so spare a thought for lonely old HUW ‘AITCH’ WATKINS, who came 5th in Sunday’s 3/4 SERRL race on the Benenden/Sandhurst circuit without any team-mates to help him… http://tinyurl.com/2ag56r. Most of the forlorn big fella’s 3rd cat pals had swanned off to Cowbridge in glamorous Glamorgan for L’Etape De La Defonce, which saw Dynamo’s official squad topping the team classification and grabbing two of the three stage victories on offer. Fantastic stuff, fellas – and those results more than justify the free supplies of STUART ‘POSTAL’ JEFFREYS’ delicious For Goodness Shakes recovery drink (available from A Certain Hampton Wick Retailer and all other leading outlets). But back to the racing… After bagging 7th place in the fragmented opening stage, skinsuited speed freak MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT hit 50mph on the downhill finish of the 7.4-mile team time trial as he rocketed past the line with WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER… http://tinyurl.com/2wxf2f …and unofficial team leader JOE ‘BLOW’ HEMMANT. The trio had reluctantly dropped MATT ‘IRON’ BRIDGE when his chain came out, and an envious rival crew later told them their performance looked “scrappy” – but the uncoupled blue train nevertheless won Saturday’s decisive 2nd stage with a time of 18:50, propelling Joe to 4th and Martin to 5th overall. The duo maintained their positions on the final GC… http://tinyurl.com/2q395l …and Matt made up for his mechanical fault by winning Sunday’s super-hilly final stage after getting into a successful break within eight miles of the chequered flag fluttering at the top of the very long drag… http://tinyurl.com/2hkkng. What a way to bag your 2nd cat licence! The awesome foursome’s undercover chum TONY ‘CHUCKLES’ SMEDLEY, who was riding in Surrey League colours with CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN, ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY and CHRIS ‘CALAMITY’ CAMPBELL, finished 10th on the first stage, which helped to give the black-and-white boys a respectable placing of 8th out of 18 on the final team classification. The Welsh two-day event undoubtedly marked the busiest week of racing for the club so far this season – so without further ado, let’s whiz through the action quicker than a nervous junior might try to escape at a Hampshire crit, if this fascinating headline is anything to go by… http://tinyurl.com/2dn23n. It’s time to show Dynamo’s opponents which club is the leader of the gang…

WE’RE IN THE ‘MO-NEY
+++ Big cash prizes in crit, time trial and triathlon +++
Stunned ‘RADAR’ RUSS TURNER found a whopping £30 in the envelope presented to him as a reward for 5th place at the Edgware RC Circuits event at Hillingdon on Saturday… http://tinyurl.com/3bmkse. The Surbiton sensation revealed: “First place was £75 – and this was for a 3/4 race! Had I known there was that much up for grabs I would have put the 56-tooth chainring on and really wound things up.” Your bank manager missed out there, pal! Meanwhile, MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON won a total of £70 by bagging 4th in the Eton Sprint Triathlon on Saturday… http://tinyurl.com/3x3tgf …and finishing 5th the next day at the Worthing Excelsior 25-mile time trial in Horsham, West Sussex… http://tinyurl.com/2boqv4. Once entry fees are taken into account, his profit for the busy weekend comes to the princely sum of £16, which practically makes him semi-pro. The Dynamo hunk could rake in even more Dyna-moolah by marketing full-size posters of himself in action, starting with this dashing image of him en route to recording a time of 57:01 on Sunday… http://tinyurl.com/367se8. Form an orderly queue, ladies!

SAVOIE FLAIR
+++ Sportive duo catch road racing bug +++
Just days after tackling numerous cols in Haute-Savoie with Alpine training outfit GPM 10, adventurous sportive chums ANDREW ELLIS and RICHARD HOULT got their first taste of open road racing when they ventured to Cople in Bedfordshire for the CC Ashwell Primavera 4th cat event on Sunday. Richard set a ferocious pace at the front of the bunch which helped to spit a number of riders out of the back during the first lap of the 34-mile contest, and Andrew followed a few wheels in the uphill sprint to clinch 4th place… http://tinyurl.com/2jvzaz. Richard took 15th – and eager Andy reveals: “We’ve really got the bug now and are eagerly trawling the BCF website for more races.” That’s what we like to hear, fellas!

TAMING OF THE SHREWSBURY
+++ Blackman victorious in crit +++
Intrepid Dynamette CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN showed Shropshire who’s boss by winning the E/1/2/3/4 women’s race at the season’s first Shrewsbury Circuits event on Saturday… http://tinyurl.com/2n9s8s. And she followed up her victory with 6th place at the latest round of the Quest Women’s Series at Hillingdon on Wednesday, shortly before the sun set on the West London crit circuit… http://tinyurl.com/28kzvj. That 1st cat licence is surely not far away!

KEN WATCH!
+++ Gittos paps Buist +++
Ever-alert to the activities of his fellow camera-wielders, eagle-eyed JONATHAN ‘SNAPS’ GITTOS spotted a pack of press photographers prowling outside the new North London pad of James Bond star Daniel Craig this week – and the wannabe paparazzo was in double-‘Mo heaven when he bagged two exclusive shots of slippery Kiwi KEN BUIST after he pulled up beside him at a set of lights in Queen’s Park… http://tinyurl.com/2y9ohd. The man with the wide-angled lens didn’t realise he was in the presence of Dynamo’s unofficial club mascot until Ken shyly revealed his identity. Amazed Jonathan admits: “I was incredibly excited. He mentioned his numerous appearances in DYNAMITE! with some pride but still blames you lot for getting him dumped. Apparently he has moved into a new base in Kensal Rise.” Let’s hope he has better luck with the ladies in that neck of the woods!

…AND A FEW ‘MO THINGS…
+++ IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE 3rd and TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT 4th at Crystal Palace E/1/2 race – and WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER takes 6th in 3/4 event for the second week running… http://tinyurl.com/268oo2 +++ Ashwell Primavera 2/3 race in Cople, Beds, sees GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL take 11th and RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT finish 15… http://tinyurl.com/2jvzaz +++ Former Dynamette Mel Williams 3rd at women’s national 10-mile time trial championships in Sawtry, Cambs… http://tinyurl.com/27ezts +++ Details of PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY and RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS’ adventure at the FBD Insurance Ras will appear next week after their return +++

OUT OF STOCK
Like the huge box of food that JOE ‘BLOW’ HEMMANT dutifully transported to Wales for his team-mates, this edition of Britain’s most nutritious read has now been depleted by our fact-hungry readers, which means there’s just time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue before we nip down to the corner shop for fresh supplies. Always remember we are the dried cranberries but we would be nothing without you, our organic muesli. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the last drop of semi-skimmed falls on a lonely raisin, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a Clif bar.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

SIBLING REVELRY
+++ Ventoux joy for Hemmants +++
He’s spent years being a gobby Liam to a much-admired Noel, a teatime Ross senior to a primetime Jonathan, a slapstick Barry Chuckle playing “to me, to you” with an irked Paul – but the ever-determined JOE ‘BLOW’ HEMMANT finally proved that he’s the equal of 1st cat fireball TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT when the sensational siblings crossed the line together on Saturday at Beaumes-De-Venise, giving them the joint fastest Dynamo time at this year’s Ventoux sportive, which included a staggering 3,400 metres of climbing. Kin you believe it, Dynamates? Sadly, 63rd-placed Tom was omitted from the provisional results which appeared in a local newspaper, although the French hacks nevertheless observed a traditional British disregard for spelling by listing a certain “Joe Hemmani” in their coverage of the third Grand Trophee fixture of the season. The brilliant brothers completed the arduous 94.5-mile challenge in just over five hours, with WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER finishing just one second later – and as if having three ‘Mos in the top 70 of an event with 1,300 starters was not impressive enough, the club also walked off with the team prize along with the No.1 spot in one of the age groups. Eager readers who simply can’t wait to learn about the many Dyn-amusing incidents which contributed to the cheer in Provence can take a look at our exclusive photo gallery… http://tinyurl.com/2t2zql …or scroll down to the bottom of this missive, where most of the 27 Dynamo riders are listed according to their place and finishing time. Those of you in less of a Dyna-mad rush should come with us now, as we gaze at the sea of blue, black and orange-clad riders waiting at the start, unaware of the freezing fog awaiting them at the top of the iconic mountain, not to mention the marble-sized hailstones. It’s time to think about donning that gilet…

HIT AND MIST
+++ A foggy climb, then Filbin takes wrong turn to victory +++
Having reasoned that pedalling “piano” was the key to finishing the 94.5-mile Mont Ventoux sportive in one piece, under-the-weather MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT watched TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT, JOE ‘BLOW’ HEMMANT, WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER and DAVID ‘PINKY’ GARDNER disappear up the road from the gun, overtaking hundreds of riders as they began their successful bid to post the four fastest Dynamo times of the event. Wearing one of TERRY BISHOP’s wash-off Dynamo tattoos on his leg, stringy Mart soon found himself wrestling with the beefy Giant of Provence for one-and-a-half hours of solid climbing, most of it at 10 per cent, with the final three miles in fog so thick he could hardly see the wheel in front – but it wasn’t until the first part of the descent that he committed his main error of the day. He explains: “There was a fork in the road just past the Tom Simpson memorial. Myself, JOANNE FILBIN, ANDY CURRY and a few others took the wrong turn, which meant we ended up doing the 56-mile loop instead. The way I was feeling, my body was probably grateful of the reduced distance.” Not half as grateful as Dynamette Joanne, as the diversion lead to her winning the trophy for the women’s 18-34 category and getting embarrassed looks on the podium when the non-English-speaking locals realised she didn’t know a word of French. Quelle horreur!

THE KID IS ALRIGHT
+++ Youngster Mackay shuns ambulance crew and finishes +++
The DYNAMITE! editorial team were concerned about the fate of Dynamo’s youngest rider when they failed to locate his name on the final results for Ventoux – but according to father figure PAUL ‘ALL-BLUE’ HARKNETT, 15-year-old TOM ‘TIDDLER’ MACKAY managed to finish the gruelling route, despite an ambulance crew’s attempts to throw him in the back of their vehicle because he was freezing and exhausted. An Aussie had crashed in front of Tom within 20 miles of the finish, so the good Samaritan sacrificed his position and time to look after the fallen rider until medical assistance arrived. A commendable effort, sir! Prior to the accident, many Dynamates had raised an eyebrow at the teen’s tan, which was restricted to below the knee thanks to the unusually limited application of self-tanning cream carried out by his girlfriend the previous night. The juvenile’s incident-packed trip ended with him losing his passport and ticket before racing to catch the train at Lille – although it must be pointed out that Paul was to blame, having lost track of the time during a walkabout in town with his young charge and MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT. Doh! The trio made it to the platform right at the last second, as ALEX ‘BUSTED’ BASTIN reveals: “Me and JOANNE FILBIN were stuck at the station with all the bags and bike boxes as the departure time approached. We literally had to chuck the last box into the train on top of all the others as the doors were closing.” Now that’s close!

BUTTER THAN EXPECTED
+++ Harknett’s old butties stay edible +++
Talking of chrome-domed Paul, DYNAMITE! was intrigued to learn that the Brummie’s ride up Ventoux was fuelled by a days-old batch of peanut butter sandwiches which didn’t give him the expected bout of grimpeur’s gut-rot. If there hadn’t been several hundred riders between them, DAVID ‘PINKY’ GARDNER would have looked on enviously at Paul’s home-made sustenance, as the Kent climber was denied his breakfast of choice after customs confiscated a can of baked beans from his luggage. The authorities have yet to confirm if the beans later fell into the hands of the Dutch female pro who repeatedly parped in front of stunned TONY ‘CHUCKLES’ SMEDLEY. They don’t call it the windy peak for nothing!

STAGE INVASION
+++ Peacock accepts prize surrounded by Dynamates +++
We end our coverage of Dynamo’s most successful foreign trip yet with the image of NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK on the podium, surrounded by his fellow ‘Mos, accepting the prize for best-represented team before presenting the gentleman running the presentation with his very own Dynamo gilet. What a way to celebrate Anglo-French relations ahead of the Tour’s London prologue! The marvellous Dyna-moment, which you can view on the gallery link in the opening item of this issue, was a double treat for the club president as he had celebrated entering the BCF’s veteran category a few days earlier. Happy birthday, pal!

…AND A FEW ‘MO THINGS…
+++ There’s not enough space to mention all this week’s race action, but you can still read PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY’s great account of how he and RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM SIMMONDS got on with the pros at the FBD Insurance Ras in Ireland… http://tinyurl.com/yon297 +++ IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE bags second win of the season at Crystal Palace E/1/2 race while SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON takes 5th and DAVID ‘PINKY’ GARDNER finishes 7th… http://tinyurl.com/2pk379 +++ RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON 12th in 1.5-mile time trial and 20th overall in Morecambe Bay E/1/2 two-day stage race – in the same race, DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE is 9th in 31-mile crit and 9th again in Cutmill-esque road stage +++

CAINED AND UNABLE
Exhausted Tom and Joe have been recovering from their epic ride, so we’d like to thank everyone who sent in stuff for this issue as we wait for their simmering rivalry to return. Always remember that we are an irresponsible younger brother and we would be nothing without you, our wise elder siblings. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as Joe gazes enviously at Tom’s Serotta, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a family tree.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
The Ventoux Beaumes De Venise, Saturday 26 May, 94.5 mile route: (1 Stephane Rubio, 4:25:28); 63 Tom Hemmant, 5:04:12; 64 Joe Hemmant, 5:04:12; 65 Will Hayter, 5:04:13; 117 David Gardner, 5:19:16; 172 Tom Grinnan, 5:28:20; 191 Rob Jeffroy, 5:31:41; 193 Tony Smedley, 5:31:42; 207 Chris Chapman, 5:34:09; 211 Alex Bastin, 5:34:19; 249 Paul Harknett, 5:45:14; 271 Marcus Schnell, 5:47:23; 273 Dominic Callaghan, 5:47:51; 372 Jamie Jenkins, 6:10:09; 396 Ben Spurrier, 6:14:04; 398 Nick Peacock, 6:14:07; 401 Sam Woodhouse, 6:14:11; 503 Terry Bishop, 6:46:06; 601 Llyr Wynn Jones, 7:29:46; 607 Phil Smart, 7:35:59. 56 mile route: (1 Stephane Leblanc, 3:07:22); 57 Martin Garratt, 3:36:33; 97 Andy Curry, 3:48:09; 216 Paul Tappin, 4:23:08; 280 Joanne Filbin, 4:53:26 (1st, women’s 18-34 category).

WARM GLOW OF NOSTALGIA
+++ Intimate TV clip rediscovered +++
Over the years, our growing army of loyal readers has learned that there’s nothing DYNAMITE! likes more than a good chuckle – but unlike injury-hit IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE, the editorial standards of this publication would never stoop so low as to mock RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS for boobing at Crystal Palace… http://tinyurl.com/yvlwp4. Forum-dwellers may already be aware that the Wandsworth wag has invited members to contribute humorous captions for his photo of 3rd-placed Rich giving a victory salute a mere 19 seconds after the top two podium places had been snapped up in Tuesday’s E/1/2 race – and the Zabel-esque moment now threatens to undermine the appropriateness of the gym instructor’s well-earned Dyna-moniker. So rather than join in the teasing, your favourite Dynamatic news update will attempt to divert attention away from the poor fella by mentioning that GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL was 8th in the same race… http://tinyurl.com/ytnj28 …before we provide freshly-unearthed footage of a notable ex-Mo displaying his glowing gentlemen’s area to the nation. Just click the link labelled “Warrick on heat” to the right of this page… http://tinyurl.com/2yjv5o …and enjoy a clip from unremembered Sky One show So You Think You’re Fit, featuring MARTIN ‘BRAVEHEART’ BUDDEN, CHRIS ‘CALAMITY’ CAMPBELL, NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK, RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT and STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES larking around Richmond’s Old Deer Park in October 2004 while their Cyclefit buddy gets a huge thermometer shoved up somewhere unusual. It has to be seen to be believed, Dynamates! With a bit of luck, the brilliant blue, black and orange vestments of Britain’s most telegenic pedal-tappers will be on the box once more when the world’s TV crews point their cameras at the crowds watching the start of the Tour de France next month – so come with us now as we reveal how the Dynamo committee is in the process of organising trips to the historic British stages. Here comes the final beep on the prologue starting ramp…

GOUD IDEA
+++ All aboard for TdF rides +++
Dedicated social secretary PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT and sportive director SAM ‘EPIC’ WOODHOUSE have been scooting around central London this week as they begin their bid to find the perfect spot for watching the much-anticipated Tour de France prologue on Saturday 7 July. The duo are organising a gentle, informal ride to the historic event, which will leave from the Roehampton Gate caf=E9 in Richmond Park at 11.30am, arriving around 12.45pm at the Albert Memorial. As if that wasn’t enough, diligent Paul has also worked out a 55-mile ride through Surrey, East Sussex and into Kent to watch the following day’s stage – and he’s hoping to get around 50 ‘Mos to join him. He reveals: “The plan is to catch the Tour at Goudhurst. It has a 4th cat climb, so the peloton should be going at a more manageable pace. We’ll go to good pub, ideally one with a screen, and they’ll be food and beers laid on. Then we’ll get a coach back to Hampton Court, tailed by a carefully-packed transit van with our bikes.” That sounds smashing! The subsidised Sunday outing will cost you just £10 – but for now, simply hit your reply button and tell us if you want to come so Paul can gauge numbers. It’s going to be a trip to remember!

HIT SINGLES
+++ Batch of great results for lone Dynamos +++
Hopefully, four lone ‘Mos who each ventured into far-flung parts of the country at the weekend will come to the club’s TdF jaunts so their fellow members can congratulate them on their efforts. Off-roader KARL JOHNSTON was one of 307 competitors who did the 48-mile route of the Rough Ride in Kington, Herefordshire, on Sunday… http://tinyurl.com/yqeafg …and he ended up being the fastest by a margin of 3mins 43secs. Nice one, buddy! On the time trial front, JAMES STRATTON ventured to Bentley, Hants, on Saturday to complete the WLCA 30-miler in 1:06, which earned him 6th place… http://tinyurl.com/2a2dov …and the respect of impressed tester MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON. And over in Woodcote, Oxfordshire, JIM ‘CLARK’ KENT was the only Dynamo representative at Sunday’s 3/4 support race for the Central Region Championships, which saw him avoid a pile-up on the last lap to take 8th… http://tinyurl.com/278mgr. But HUW ‘AITCH’ WATKINS was the loneliest ‘Mo of all, racing in Kent for the second week running without another blue, black and orange jersey in sight – although he still managed to finish 7th on SERRL’s Kenardington circuit… http://tinyurl.com/yph7ma. Team-mates – who needs ’em? Norman No-mates’ 3rd cat chums had forsaken the long trek to Woodchurch Scout Hall in favour of the previous day’s quick drive to MoD Chertsey, where RICHARD ‘BOY RACER’ DOLBY, WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER and ‘RADAR’ RUSS TURNER took 5th, 7th and 8th respectively in the 40-mile race… http://tinyurl.com/yunavj. The gloriously sunny day also saw TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT claim 2nd in the E/1/2 event after getting into the early break which would end up bagging the top 12 places – and 16th-placed IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE was put out of action a few days later by a careless driver… http://tinyurl.com/356xco.
Get well soon, pal – you’ve got to get a third win at Palace before the end of the season!

WESSEX GIRL
+++ McSharry survives war of attrition +++
It presented 7,400 metres of climbing over the course of 325 miles, and the field of 800 riders was whittled down to 102 before the finish in Sutton Montis, Somerset – so PETA McSHARRY deserves a hearty pat on the back for braving the daunting Quantocks to complete the Tour of Wessex sportive during the recent Bank Holiday weekend… http://tinyurl.com/2dtmuz. The Dyna-masseuse, who bagged 2nd in her age category and 96th overall, was one of only nine ladies to finish the three-day event, which saw rain pour down continually on the second day. Unhappy camper KIMBERLY ‘CANUCK’ KABATOFF didn’t have a stitch of dry kit left and decided to opt out of the final stage when she peered out of her tent and saw that it was still raining. Wise move! Crazy Dynamates ANDREW ELLIS, MERVYN EVANS and JUSTIN WEBB failed to heed her example, clocking times of 20 hours or thereabouts to take 23rd, 25th and 32nd place respectively on the final GC… http://tinyurl.com/3adl3x. But this particular item is all about the Dynamettes – and it wouldn’t be complete without mentioning JENNY ‘J-LLOYD’ JONES’ return to competition at the South East and Central Women’s Road Race Championships at Ewhurst, Surrey, on Saturday. The duathlete, who has endured an eight-week wait for her
wrist to heal, achieved her goal of finishing with the lead group and was awarded the central region silver medal while 4th-placed CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN secured the south east silver… http://tinyurl.com/2esgvn. Possibly of greater interest to some is chatty Charlie’s burgeoning friendship with Rapha Condor’s Sophie Ruderman, which was forged in the heat of competition as the pair helped drive the pace on the Ellens Green circuit. The Barnes schoolteacher, who won the prime and came 2nd at the Hillingdon women’s race on Wednesday, now has the much-admired blonde’s digits in her mobile, making her the envy of many Dyna-men. And she has discovered that Sophie has a twin sister. We kid you not, fellas!

…AND A FEW ‘MO THINGS…
+++ First race in E/1/2/3/4 Mercedes-Benz World Series on the twisty Weybridge circuit sees TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT take 7th and IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE finish 13th… http://tinyurl.com/yrvere +++ GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL 15th and DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE 18th at Central Road Race Championships in Woodcote, Oxfordshire… http://tinyurl.com/2gfud6 +++ ‘RADAR’ RUSS TURNER 8th at Eelmore 3/4 race… http://tinyurl.com/28ewrv.

FINAL SALUTE
The race to be first with the week’s Dynamo-related news is over, which means there’s just enough time to throw our hands heavenward as we thank everyone who sent in stuff for this issue. Always remember that we are the finish line, but we would be nothing without you, our ever-present commissaires. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we tumble off inches from the chequered flag, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a pair of glasses.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #146, 15.06.07
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 19C max, wind SW 10mph; Sun, sunny intervals, 19C max, wind W 9mph +++
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HUSHED UP
+++ Brilliant publicity plan kept under wraps +++
As a gleeful publisher of gossip, half-truths and dubious murmurings, this periodical has always ensured our growing army of loyal readers is the first to know what the club’s committee gets up to – so when one of our more impetuous hacks burst out of the Dynamo Towers’ boardroom with a red-hot scoop, it seemed obvious that the story should take top billing in this edition. But in an amazing turn of events, the editorial team has decided to withhold the precise details of a superbly ambitious scheme hatched by MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT just in case he doesn’t quite pull it off. Rather slyly, of course, DYNAMITE! also hopes that the lanky lad and his fellow committee members will rise to the challenge now that part of the green-lit plan is about to be revealed to every ‘Mo in the land, courtesy of the following three facts. Firstly, a group of media gurus is being approached to help out with the idea. Secondly, it should generate unprecedented worldwide publicity for the club. And thirdly, it will take place when the Tour de France makes its historic visit to London. We kid you not, Dynamates! These tantalising titbits will no doubt encourage you to join the official Dynamo ride to the prologue on Saturday 7th July, which will leave from the Roehampton Gate café in Richmond Park at 11.30am. Many Dynamos have already confirmed they will be joining SAM ‘EPIC’ WOODHOUSE on the following day’s much-anticipated ride to Goudhurst, Kent, for stage one, so hit your reply button right now if you want to book your place on the coach for the journey back to Hampton Court. But for now, let’s drown out the whispers surrounding Dynamo’s TdF plans with the usual DYNAMITE! fanfare as we celebrate a certain rider moving up a category almost 12 months after his season was brought to an abrupt halt by a road accident. It’s time to examine an X-ray of a torn patellar tendon…

KNEESY DOES IT
+++ Hayter takes final points as 3rd cat at Palace +++
Hungry point-hunter WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER came tantalisingly close to upgrading his licence on Sunday after schlepping out to Oxfordshire with JOE ‘BLOW’ HEMMANT for the 3/4 Bluestone Banbury RR. The matchstick man’s trademark red helmet was a familiar sight at the business end of the pack during all three gruelling ascents of Edgehill, which presented a gradient of 14 per cent over 1km – and domestique Joe made sure he chased down all the breaks for his long-limbed chum. Good lad! Will reveals: “Most of the people who were at the front at the top of the hill, including a chap with pink kit and hair like a girl, a cocky Loughborough student, and a diminutive climber from Swindon, proved not to have enough gas to make a break work. So it came down to a bunch finish. The organiser had managed to find a nasty rise away from the main climb to use as the finale, and our pink-clad friend zipped up to take 1st. I came in a painful 7th after Joe offered a thumping lead-out on the lower part of the finish.” Nice one, fellas! Exhausted Joe came 43rd… http://tinyurl.com/ypd75v …and recovered two days later to make his Crystal Palace debut in the E/1/2 race, which saw SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON nab 9th. But it was Will’s 3rd place in the 3/4 race that was the highlight of Tuesday evening… http://tinyurl.com/29v7an …as it was his best result so far in the crit series and the podium spot earned him enough points to become a 2nd cat. To put the icing on the cake, his graduation came almost exactly a year after he sustained a season-shortening knee injury thanks to an inattentive motorist who knocked him down as he cycled home from Palace. It just goes to show that you can’t keep a good ‘Mo down!

GUY BAULKS
+++ Powdrill declines to provide Smedley’s lead-out +++
It’s traditionally run in the opposite direction to the Tuesday night series with the finish on the fast back straight – and the Hillingdon Grand Prix once again lived up to its reputation for relentlessly high speeds when the latest fixture in the Elite Circuit Series was held at the west London venue on Saturday. The constant attacks in the muggy conditions took their toll on 1st cat fireballs TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT and PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY, who were out of the points in the 50-mile E/1/2 event, while the 2/3/4 support race saw GAVIN ‘NO LYIN’ RYAN narrowly miss out on the top 10 as TONY ‘CHUCKLES’ SMEDLEY took 8th in the mass gallop to the line… http://tinyurl.com/24w345. An astonishing total of 103 riders had signed on for the 50-minute rampage around the narrow mile-long circuit, so tactical Tony shrewdly enlisted GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL as his lead-out man only to watch the twin-piston powerhouse renege on their agreement by briefly getting into a break and then promptly disappearing as they neared the chequered flag. He owes you one, pal!

HIT AND MISSENDEN
+++ Heath fastest at inaugural edition of British sportive +++
Modest ‘Mo JAMES HEATH has dropped DYNAMITE! a line to mention what he describes as a “quite unexpected result” after venturing to Great Missenden, Bucks, the weekend before last for the first official Chiltern 100 event… http://tinyurl.com/24uhbz. Undaunted by the prospect of 2,630 metres of climbing, plucky Jim ended up completing the arduous 107-mile loop in 5hrs and 38mins, giving him the fastest time of the 94 finishers by a minute. And fellow sportivist LLYR WYNN JONES, who also took on the challenging gran fondo route through the Chilterns and the surrounding areas, finished five minutes behind, giving him 7th place. Excellent work, fellas!

MAG-NIFICO!
+++ Mystery ‘Mo featured in Italian publication +++
This edition began with a puzzler involving MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT – and now it ends with another. The lanky lad was browsing the magazines at WH Smith in Gatwick’s south terminal when he came across a publication entitled Italy. “I thought I’d take a look at it,” says Martin, “because that’s where I was heading. Interestingly, it had an article on cycling which featured photos of riders enjoying the Tuscan coutryside. ‘Mo and behold, the close-ups were of a mystery Dynamate wearing the Dynamo gilet. Congratulations for flying the flag of the most well-travelled club in Britain – but who are you?” Hit that reply button ASAP if you are that man!

TRAPS SHUT
The self-censoring editorial team is refusing to type another word, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue and press “send” before they start making liberal use of the delete button. Always remember we are expert expurgators but we would be nothing without your copious material, so please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as another paragraph escapes being excised, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and the Obscene Publications Act.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #147, 22.06.07
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, light showers, 21C max, wind NW 12mph; Sun, heavy showers, 20C max, wind NW 13mph +++
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CRITS DITCHED
+++ Two races cancelled – but ‘Mos keeps on going +++
The screech of tyres as GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL drove off from Chertsey in a huff on Saturday expressed the frustration felt by his fellow ‘Mos after a booking mix-up at the MoD circuit lead to the day’s races being cancelled – and with Crystal Palace getting the black flag on Tuesday due to a potentially hazardous mid-race downpour, it looked like this edition of your favourite Dynamatic update was going to have noticeably fewer results than usual. There was always the possibility of padding out proceedings by reminding our readers to hit their reply button right this very second if they fancy going on SAM ‘EPIC’ WOODHOUSE’s much-anticipated ride to Goudhurst, Kent, the Sunday after next, as places on the minibus back to Hampton Court are filling up fast. But thankfully, members of Sam’s crack sportive unit have been inundating DYNAMITE! with tales of intrepid trips to some of the most challenging climbs in Britain and Italy – so come with us now to the north of England as we reveal how a familiar duo put their years of experience on the Sunday ride to good use. It’s time to go polka dotty…

THAT MAN AND ROBINS
+++ Surrey Hills heroes are fastest Dynamates in northern sportive +++
Many of the ‘Mos who regularly venture into the Surrey hills will have already witnessed the climbing prowess of gregarious grimpeurs SIMON ‘THAT ONE OUT OF SIMON AND GRAHAM’ RYNTJES and GRAHAM ‘THAT OTHER ONE OUT OF SIMON AND GRAHAM’ ROBINS – so it should come as no surprise that the jolly duo travelled to Cheadle Hulme, Cheshire, for the Polka Dot Challenge on Sunday… http://tinyurl.com/2j7szw. Inseparable to the last, the pair tackled the dreaded 25 per cent gradient of Winnats Pass and the seven other major climbs on the 105-mile course, which they finished together in 5hrs 39mins. Impressive stuff, fellas! Fellow Dottist JONATHAN ‘SNAPS’ GITTOS, who finished in 6hrs 26mins, reveals: “Some of the early climbs were slightly huge, but climbing out of Castleton was a grassy canyon that looked pretty forbidding. I should have realised something was up when the local motorists pulled over and chortled at us. The canyon reared up to become an asphalt cliff of 25 to 30 percent, and so began the Dynamo slow-motion eyeball-popping competition.” The wince on RALPH CARTER’s face, which you can see for yourself by selecting our Polka Dot Challenge gallery on the following link, suggests that he paid the price for finishing six minutes faster than Jonathan… http://tinyurl.com/k34tf …while over in Oxfordshire at roughly the same time, sportive debutant JEREMY ‘NO RELATION’ BOARDMAN took a more laid-back approach when he stopped for tea mid-way through the 71-mile Circuit of the Cotswolds, which he completed in 5hrs 11mins… http://tinyurl.com/2oeohp. Plucky ALEX ‘LEG WIPE’ MURRAY also recorded a leisurely time after he was dropped on the first climb of the 117-mile Highclere Castle sportive in Hampshire – but his chum RICHARD HUTCHINGS got into a series of fast-moving groups to finish the 117-mile course in 6:47:07, which won him gold… http://tinyurl.com/ysl9c3. Great stuff, pal!

CHAIN DISTRACTION
+++ Campbell’s mechanical leads to free gift at fondo +++
Over in northern Italy, DERMOT CAMPBELL managed to bag a Record Ti chain for free after his one broke on the way up the 2,000-foot Manghan, which was the highest climb in Saturday’s Gran Fondo Campagnolo… http://tinyurl.com/23q58u. His mechanical problem meant he finished the 132-mile course in 11:29:55, while ANDREW ELLIS crashed on the descent of the Passo Rolle as he removed his gilet, leading to him reaching the finish, bruised and scratched but otherwise intact, in 9:52:35. Doughty RICHARD HOULT stayed upright and mishap-free to take 716th among the 1,703 finishers, clocking in at 8:54:40. Well done, fella!

GIVE WHAT YOU CAN A-FORDE
+++ Charity ride to French capital +++
We polish off our round-up of Dynamo-related long-distance rides with the most impressive of the lot, which saw NATHAN FORDE cycle from London to Paris in four days last week to raise money for a children’s cancer charity called the Laura Crane Trust. Nathan, who is new to the sport and the UK, is well on his way to reaching £1,200, and you can help him along by donating through http://www.justgiving.com/pariscycle. Let’s get the mercury rising in that thermometer, Dynamates!

REE-MARKABLE
+++ Hemmant Jr is King of the Hills +++
He attacked from the gun and forced the winning move as the pack splintered behind him – so let’s all give TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT a well-deserved “chapeau!” for taking 3rd at the 1/2/3 Giles Ree memorial race at Warninglid, West Sussex on Sunday… http://tinyurl.com/2s7lsk. Dynamo’s quiet man created the unstoppable break on the second lap of the gruelling 82.5-mile contest and won the King of the Hills prize, which MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON joked “wasn’t bad for a fat lad”. Tom hit back: “At least I don’t have to breakfast on whey like he does to beef up his feeble triathlete muscles.” Oooh – get him, Dynamates! The cocksure quip is somewhat justified in the context of the St Margarets marvel’s recent results, which also include placing at last week’s E/1/2/3 Beccles RR in Ringsfield, Suffolk… http://tinyurl.com/2upz4r …although the modest ‘Mo reckons 6th was a “pretty bad” result, given that he and 5th-placed RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS were in a winning break of half-a-dozen riders. But it cannot be disputed that Tom pulled a world-class muck-covered race face at rain-soaked Hillingdon before claiming 4th in Tuesday’s E/1/2/3 race… http://tinyurl.com/29ora2. Incidentally, ANGUS ‘PADDLER’ MACALISTER took the No.3 spot in the 4th cat race that same night after lapping the bunch as part of a break of four – but despite being considerably taller than the girl he out-sprinted, the towering ex-rower still managed to keep his face hidden from the camera… http://tinyurl.com/ywxmwj. You’re too modest, pal!

YOU KENT BE SERIOUS
+++ Hooting cops unimpressed by sprint +++
Finally, JIM ‘CLARK’ KENT only discovered that the police took a dim view of the spread-out mass sprint at the Kenton RC 60th Anniversary race after he took 5th at the 3/4 event in Cheddington, Bucks on Sunday… http://tinyurl.com/2qotyo. The school-teaching sensation revealed: “Apparently the police were following the bunch and there was some hooting, but it’s hard to hear them when you’re in the zone.” They never learn!

BOOKED OUT
Like the booking that the Surrey League had made to secure the MoD circuit for Saturday’s races, this Dyna-missive is about to vanish into thin air, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue before those in charge begin scratching their heads. Always remember we are a date for your diary but we would be nothing without you, our main event. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the puzzled frowns begin to appear, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and an appointments book.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #148, 29.06.07
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, heavy rain, 20C max, wind S 13mph; Sun, heavy showers, 20C max, wind SW 12mph +++
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BIG MEATING
+++ Bunch of ‘Mos have a butchers at Smithfield +++
Whiling away the hours in the company of a few Dynamates is a much-loved pastime of this publication – and the editorial team may get to indulge that passion on Saturday after the Parkride, when club boss NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK begins flogging the latest batch of Dynamo-branded water bottles from the back of his spacious Subaru. The presence of DYNAMITE! among the Dyna-massive gathering is sure to make up for last week’s frustration at being stuck in a Welsh hotel room 170 miles away from JOE ‘BLOW’ HEMMANT, LUCY ‘DANCIN’ DOVE, JOE ‘CHEEKY BEGGAR’ STEGERS, JAMES ‘HITMAN’ STRATTON, MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON and a few of the aforementioned Mos’ partners, who had all gathered in Smithfield to watch some of the best racing the capital has seen in recent years. Thankfully, Liggett-like spectator TONY ‘CHUCKLES’ SMEDLEY was able to provide us with an enthusiastic commentary via his mobile phone as GAVIN ‘NO LYIN’ RYAN, GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL and MATT ‘IRON’ BRIDGE sprinted for 4th, 5th and 6th respectively in the 40-minute 2/3/4 support race… http://tinyurl.com/3d26g2 …which briefly took our mind off the daunting prospect of losing our sportive virginity on the Dragon Ride. Ominous clouds were gathering over Bridgend in South Wales on the eve of the 120-mile trek, which were to make the conditions of the following day somewhat of a surprise. We’ll be revealing all later – but first let’s beef up our coverage of what went down in the shadow of London’s famous meat market. Here come the prime cuts…

NOC-OUT PERFORMANCE
+++ Spence lights up evening crit +++
Responding to a quip made by TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT in the previous edition of the newsletter, multi-sport master MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON has let it be known that he utilised his “feeble triathlete’s muscles” to take 5th overall among the 1,657 finishers in the Windsor Triathlon last weekend, while his time trial buddy JAMES ‘HITMAN’ STRATTON claimed 7th… http://tinyurl.com/27ogh8. Perhaps smarting from Tom’s jibe, the Kingston hunk points out that he had the 2nd-fastest bike split behind big-hitter Laurence Harding – and he extended his run of form on Saturday with 10th in the Dambuster Triathlon in Rutland, near Leicestershire, which also saw James finish 27th… http://tinyurl.com/36x3jb. Ever the gentleman, Martin rushed back down the A1 to escort his girlfriend Esther to the much-anticipated Smithfield Nocturne that evening, where they met up with their Dynamo chums to watch former club-mate Warrick Spence in the top-billing E/1/2 race. Martin admits: “I’d been bigging-up Warrick’s prospects to anyone who would listen. Having watched him at Hillingdon in last year’s elite criterium series, I promised he would be in every attack. First lap round and he’s off the front with some sorry companion. It was fantastic to watch and made the race. Even people in the huge crowd who knew nothing about cycling could see that something amazing was going on. He made the field look silly.” Winner James McCullum admitted it took the bunch around 28 minutes to claw back the 4th-placed Cyclefit sensation’s lead of 28 seconds – and as the Plowman Craven rider popped the champagne on the podium, enthusiastic Esther shouted “we love Warrick” above the blare of the commentator. “I reckon she spoke for most of the crowd,” says Martin. You’re probably right, pal! As an epilogue to the night’s action, support race crash victim GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY dusted himself down and took 15th the following day in the SERRL 2/3/4 event on the Tenterden/Appledore circuit, which also saw SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON nab 4th a week after getting knocked down by a motorist on his way back from Crystal Palace… http://tinyurl.com/3bufc3. There must be something rejuvenating about the Kent countryside!

WEATHER OR NOT
+++ Welsh sportive stays dry against the odds +++
It’s a miracle, Dynamates! The 21 ‘Mos who gathered at Bridgend recreation centre on Saturday morning had piled on their wet weather gear in anticipation of a thorough soaking – so you can imagine their joy at completing the hilly Dragon Ride before the heavens finally opened above South Wales. This publication was part of the biggest Dynamo group among the 2,300 participants at the staggered start, which meant we got to witness SIMON ‘IT’S GOOD, BUT IT’S NOT’ WRIGHT drop almost all of his club chums before the first climb of the day on the long, power-sapping Bwlch mountain road. Rollicking Wrighty parted company with DYNAMITE! soon after the feed station at the halfway point of the 120-mile route, and we headed back down the M4 with Mrs Dynamite that evening thinking he was the fastest ‘Mo of the day. But it turns out that honour goes to inseparable climbing chums and heroes of last week’s Polka Dot Challenge SIMON ‘THAT ONE OUT OF SIMON AND GRAHAM’ RYNTJES and GRAHAM ‘THAT OTHER ONE OUT OF SIMON AND GRAHAM’ ROBINS, who appear to have started in a totally different group to the rest of their club buddies. Well done, sirs! Sportive director SAM ‘EPIC’ WOODHOUSE reckons the event was the friendliest he has been on, although ROBIN ‘OSSIE’ OSBORNE didn’t make too many friends when he emptied his fit-to-burst bladder at a traffic light in full view of some female riders. Sam adds: “Perhaps it was divine intervention for his flashing, but he got chronic sickness for the last 35 miles, mostly up the second climb of the Bwlch.” Lensman Sam didn’t manage to capture the moment as it happened, but the Prince of Daftness was happy to re-enact his chundering in the finish area, which you can witness for yourself in the DYNAMITE! gallery… http://tinyurl.com/k34tf. Busy Robin has also compiled the near-complete list of finishing times at the end of this missive. Thanks, pal!

GET ETAPE EARLY
+++ Meeting point set for TdF event +++
This item was merely going to publicise the official Dynamo meeting point for the Etape Anglais until sportive director SAM ‘EPIC’ WOODHOUSE rushed into our famous soundproof bunker to reveal that BBC London is interested in doing a piece on the club’s participation in the event. How’s that for a dramatic “stop press” moment! The Beeb’s producers want to film riders before, during and after the sportive, which means they may be at the Parkride on Saturday. Keep an eye on the forum for updates… http://tinyurl.com/2h5j4r. To return to our original subject, Sam and PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT have decided that the meeting place for Sunday’s much-anticipated sportive will be at 5.30am on the junction of Hare and Billet Road and Mounts Pond Road, just south of Greenwich Park… http://tinyurl.com/2udvn7. Set those alarm clocks, Dynamates!

SOGGY LEAGUE
+++ Five wet days for stage race +++
Sadly, the rain clouds that spared the Dragon Riders weren’t as kind to the Surrey League 5-Day. Friday’s opening stage – an eight-mile time trial in Withyham, East Sussex – was affected by a storm that broke before the start, and the next three days were a case of surviving the diluvial conditions. The second stage was abandoned after a serious crash – and DAVID ‘PINKY’ GARDNER revealed: “I was caught behind the guy that came down. He slid for about 40 feet down the road. After that, I lost a lot of confidence riding in those conditions, and I only moved up the GC because people punctured or got dropped.” Unlucky RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON and RUSTY ‘RUSSELL’ SHORT got punctures on the second stage, and Rich got another the following day. The relatively dry final stage on the Staplefield circuit saw Rusty take 4th. A hearty congratulations to plucky finishers Dave, DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE, ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY, Rich and Rusty, who took 9th, 15th, 24th, 29th and 35th respectively on the final GC… http://tinyurl.com/2qt6pz. We hope you’ve recovered, fellas!

NEARING THE FINISH
+++ Heaney’s end-to-end charity bid +++
Finally, TERRY BISHOP reports that VINCE ‘SNEAKY’ HEANEY has reached Pitlochry in the heart of Highland Perthshire on his 910-mile charity ride from Land’s End to John O’Groats. Terry reveals: “He’s battled through exceptionally difficult conditions and has just three more days to go which, if trends continue, will be into the teeth of gale-force winds, horizontal rain and widespread flooding.” Vince has raised almost £5,000 for the Royal Hospital for Neuro-Disability, where PATRICK GOODACRE is being cared for, and you can make a donation by visiting http://www.justgiving.com/vinceheaney. Let’s give him that extra boost to the finish, Dynamates!

SCRAG END
We’ve reached the rump of this rib-tickling edition, which means there’s just enough time to say thanks offally to everyone who sent stuff in. Always remember we never mince our words, but we would be nothing without you, our fresh meat. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we mop up the blood, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a sirloin steak.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
Sunday 24 June 2007, The Dragon Ride, Bridgend, South Wales, 120 miles: 22 Graham Robins 06:20:02; 23 Simon Ryntjes 06:20:02; 69 Simon Wright 06:36:04; 79 Elloitt Katz 06:39:55; 86 Dominic Callaghan 06:40:36; 88 Kenny Clarke 06:41:04; 110 Jamie Jenkins 06:45:54; 137 Augusto De Magalhaes 06:50:57; 139 Marcus Schnell 06:51:04; 140 Martin Haenlein 06:51:10; 157 Antony Di Lorenzo 06:55:27; 347 Robin Osborne 07:29:18; 348 Sam Woodhouse 07:29:22; 349 Jonathan Gittos 07:29:23; 350 Rory Park 07:29:39; 529 Terry Bishop 07:57:08; 530 Craig Stewart 07:57:08; 568 Tim Brown 08:01:58; 666 Steven Wood 08:18:36. 84-mile route: 13 Rune Sanbeck 04:45:07; 38 Andrew Granger 04:55:34; 210 Roger Barbour 05:40:22.