The DYNAMITE! Files

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #62, 08.07.05

PIZZA THE ACTION
It’s not often that DYNAMITE! is jealous of the wider Dyna-membership – but as we kneaded the Dyna-dough of club-related facts last Thursday in our famous soundproof bunker, we couldn’t help wishing we were in a certain West End eaterie where a number of Diner-mates were tucking into a pizza feast at that very moment. We’d have done anything to get the crumbs from that enormous table! The hungry bunch had moved onto a nearby Pizza Express after meeting up at the Guinea pub off Berkley Square for the club’s summer social – and event co-ordinator PAUL ‘ALL-BLUE’ HARKNETT reveals: “It was a really good do. Kick-off was at 6.30 but most didn’t leave Pizza Express until just before 11.” You crazy guys just don’t know when to stop! You’ll be able to see a photo of the evening featuring beaming Dyna-members CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN, MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT, JONATHAN ‘SNAPS’ GITTOS, ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY, ‘INCREDIBLE’ IAN JENKINSON, NICK ‘BOMBSHELL’ PEACOCK, GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL, RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT, STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES, DAVID ‘PROFESSOR’ WILLIAMS and many others once this week’s edition appears under the “Newsletter” link at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk – but until then we’ll be giving you an extra topping of Hillingdon fun followed by side order of triathlon action. Bread-dy or not, here it comes…

FAIRY BAD LUCK
There’s nothing more likely to ruin a pleasant evening of cycling than a visit from our old friend the puncture fairy – so you can imagine the scenes of sheer frustration when the little blighter paid no fewer than four visits to TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT and IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE on Tuesday. That’s a hole lotta hassle! The Crystal Palace kings gave south London a miss this week only to be greeted on the west side of town by a puncture apiece which caused them to arrive at the crit circuit after the E/1/2/3 riders had left the starting line. Thankfully, the kindly commissars allowed the Dynamo-ic duo to join on the second lap and they managed to establish a decisive break of four riders by the halfway mark – only for Ian to puncture with seven miles to go. It’s lucky you can take a lap out for mechanicals, pal! Tom escaped from the break and his partner in crime from the recent FBD Insurance Ras jumped with 500 metres to go, grabbing 2nd place as Dynamo’s quiet man clinched the top spot. Way to go, buddies! Then Ian punctured for a third time on the way home. There’s always a fly in the ointment!

SHE’LL HAVE A HALF
Finally, we were pleased to hear that Dynamette RACHEL ‘RE’ JOYCE had cause for celebration last Sunday when she won the ladies event at the Gatorade Big Half Ironman in Trentham with a time of 4hrs 32mins. Lovely work, madam! The water-loving Mallorca training camper, who came 10th overall in a field of around 300 competitors, reveals: “The best moment was the look on the commentator’s face when he had announced the first man was out of the water and then realised it was me!” The dozy twit!

DO COME BAKE AGAIN
We’ve polished off the final slice of our wonderful thin and crispy Margherita – although earlier on we bit into one of those bitter black olives and had to send the buggers back to the kitchen to have them removed. We’d like to thank you for all your contributions and remind everyone that we’ll be back for another slice of Dynamo life in just seven days. Until then, please remember that we are a hammy La Reine and we would be nothing without you, our Sloppy Giuseppe, so please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘DEEP PAN’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as Mario brings us the bill, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a wood-fired oven.

WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Five laps of the park at race pace.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
SUNDAY, JULY 3 – SERRL EVENT 12, CHILHAM/GODMERSHAM, 2/3/4/W/J, 100KM: 1 Luke Anderson (Poshbikes); 2 Nick Dibble (Climb On Bikes); 3 Seth Kay (Poshbikes); 4 Matt Smith (Gemini); 5 Gavin Wendon (Medway Velo); 6 Nigel Brazier (VC Elan); 7 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO); 8 Ishmael Burdeau (Brigton Mitre); 9 Caesar Coco (VC Deal); 10 Oscar Challis (Dulwich Paragon); 11 Dean Kinnerly (unatt); 12 Phillip Merrilees (Finsbury Park); 13 Andrew Wills (VC Deal); 14 David Jones (Dulwich Paragon); 15 Matt Rugman (Kingsnorth International).

TUESDAY, JULY 5 – BC WEST THAMES/HILLINGDON CC CIRCUIT RACE, HILLINGDON, E/1/2/3, 28 MILES: 1 TOM HEMMANT (LONDON DYNAMO) 1.03.45; 2 IAN PAINE (LONDON DYNAMO); 3 R. Painter (Norwood Paragon); 4 G. Stewart (Team Quest) all st; 5 M. Wilmot (Team Quest) at 1.10.00; 6 A. Peterson (A W Cycles); 7 D. Gabellini (Team Angliasport/Condor); 8 C. Tune (agiskoviner.com); 9 K. Williams (A W Cycles); 10 P. ATKINSON (LONDON DYNAMO); 11 P. Holloway (Southend and City Wheelers); 12 W. Butterworth (Twickenham); 13 D. Dentus (Willesden); 14 M. Inder (Thames Velo); 15 M. James (Willesden); 16 S. Merilees (Twickenham); 17 P. Priestly (Team Milton Keynes); 18 CHRIS CHAPMAN (LONDON DYNAMO); 19 Des Gaylor (Kenton); 20 R. Jerome (Willesden) all st; 21 Sharkey Jaggard (Pedalon)

THE LAST WORD
“Lance always used to order a funghi porcini and ham pizza and a salad topped with shavings of grana cheese. And then a cappuccino after his meal – sacrilege from an Italian’s point of view.”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #63, 15.07.05

IT SHER SOUNDS GOOD
Every Batman relies on his Robin, every PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN needs a RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT – and now another well-known sidekick has emerged from the shadows to prove he is one of TV’s greatest sporting commentators. That’s right, ITV2 fans – our famous soundproof bunker has been reverberating to the sounds of Phil Liggett’s right-hand man Paul ‘In-credible!’ Sherwen as he reaches into the hyperbole bucket and fishes out another clutch of exaggerated phrases for this year’s Tour de France. It’s what July was made for! Our favourite so far is his summation of Tom Boonen’s stage two victory in Les Essarts on Sunday following the Flandrian’s trip to the dentist: “He’s had toothache, but today he’s shown plenty of bite.” That calibre of wordplay alone is worth the price of a Freeview set-top box! As regular readers will know, this organ is also keen on deploying the odd fanciful Dyna-metaphor, so we thought it would be fitting to translate some of this week’s Dynamo-related exploits into fluent Sherwenglish, starting with the Surrey League’s 2-day in Firle near Lewes, Sussex. Brace yourselves – here comes the first rummage in “the suitcase of courage”…

GREEN MACHINE
Dynamo’s rivals were left green with envy on Sunday when former resident of the Emerald Isle IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE won the jade-coloured points jersey at the end of the East Sussex Festival 2-Day, elevating himself to the giddy heights of 1st cat in the process and also finishing 2nd on the final general classification. Well done, that man! The opening 1km time trial on Saturday saw a trio of Dynamo appearances in the top 10 thanks to MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON, DAVID ‘PROFESSOR’ WILLIAMS and GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL who came 4th, 7th and 10th respectively. Ian comfortably took the sprint for 1st in the 65-mile road stage that afternoon after getting in a successful five-man break, while David came 8th, Martin 11th and CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN nabbed the No.12 spot. Lovely stuff! The adopted Irishman lost his overall lead the next day by conceding 11 seconds to eventual winner Daniel Duguid of Evans Cycles in the 1.4 mile hill climb time trial – and as our favourite former pro-turned-commentator put it when Jens Voight’s progress indicated he would relinquish the golden fleece on Tuesday: “It’s day over for the yellow jersey, but you can’t take anything away from his performance. He went out and took the yellow jersey on the only day that suited him.” Wise words, mate! During the final 64-mile stage, Martin softened up the bunch with an early break of more than 20 miles – then Ian opened up a solo lead of under a minute before being pulled back and settling for 8th with Guy one place behind. Chris made a late escape to clinch 4th – but more importantly, Dynamo dominated the top 10 of the final GC with Ian 2nd, Guy 7th, David 9th and Van Chadders 10th. It doesn’t get much better than that! Amazingly, Ian turned up at Crystal Palace less than 48 hours later to help TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT clinch 2nd in the E/1/2 event and was rewarded for his domestique duties with an impressive 3rd place. There’s no stopping this man! Tom confesses he “felt a bit bad” taking the No.2 spot from Ian as his team-mate refused to work with big-hitter Bryan Taylor until the Solna Avenue sensation joined them in the break. “If he had not done this,” admits Tom, “then I am not sure I would have made it. He is truly the king of pain and put in plenty of hard turns driving the break along.” Or to translate into Sherwenglish: “That’s what you get when you suffer – you get results.” Too right!

A CRIT OF ALRIGHT
And there’s Dyna-more! This results-packed week also saw GAVIN ‘NO LYIN’ RYAN clinch 4th in the 3/4 race at Eastway on Saturday – and newcomer AUBONE TENNANT went along to the Dynamo-organised night of racing at Hillingdon on Tuesday to take the No.3 spot in the 4th cat event. Well done, you two! Last week’s Dynamatic update didn’t mention WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE’s victory over Olympians Rob Hayles and Russell Downing at the elite race in Guildford town centre last Wednesday as it took place a few hours after our deadline, but we’re delighted to highlight one of Dynamo’s most impressive-ever wins in this edition. The nifty New Zealander, who attacked with five laps to go on the short cobbled circuit, returned to Cyclefit’s WC2 HQ the next day considerably richer after pocketing a fair amount for coming first and winning £200 in the primes. So PHIL ‘NO-NONSENSE’ CAVELL’s next baked potato is on you, pal!

KEN WATCH!
If DYNAMITE! was sitting in the ITV2 commentary caravan and we handed Paul Sherwen a piece of paper with the following item on it, then we imagine the shock would elicit his familiar exclamatory trademark: “This is UN-BELIEVEABLE!” So get ready to tap http://www.londondynamo.co.uk into your browsers, stunned Dynamates, because in a short while the Newsletter link on the front page should reveal the very first piece of genuine photographic evidence to show that man of mystery KEN BUIST actually exists. At the risk of repeating ourselves as much as Mr Sherwen, we’ll say it again – UN-BELIEVABLE! Race secretary PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN snapped the south-east cycling scene’s Greta Garbo when the krafty Kiwi visited his Kingston pad to cool off following this week’s blisteringly hot Surrey hills ride, where he joined the group in Esher for an incredibly rare appearance. Sunday regular PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT reveals: “He even tried to pass himself off as a mere mortal by having a puncture.” You’re fooling no-one, Ken!

ETAPE TALES
Finally, we were pleased to see the first Dynamo reports from the Etape trickling into our inbox – but we need more, Dynamates! You can Dyna-mail your French exploits to news@londondynamo.co.uk and we’ll run every single one of them in next week’s edition. They’re bound to be an inspiration to any Dyna-members thinking of doing it next year!

PAUL DONE
The microphone has been turned off and we won’t be squeezing into the cramped commentary booth for another seven days. We’ll be “hanging on for grim death” until then, but remember we would be nothing without you, “the movement in the peloton that never ceases to stop”. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, Etape exploits and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘GLASS-CRANKING IT’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we begin to wonder why northerner Paul Sherwen chooses to pronounce “Lance” so it doesn’t rhyme with “pants”, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a Motorola jersey.

WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Five laps of the park at race pace.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
WEDNESDAY, JULY 6 – GUILDFORD TOWN CENTRE CIRCUIT RACES, E/1/2: 1 WARWICK SPENCE (LONDON DYNAMO); 2 Ross Muir (Viner Bikes/Agisko); 3 Kristian House (Fuji Bikes); 4 James Millard (Bouwelsewielervrienden); 5 Ian Holt (Viner Bikes/Agisko); 6 Phil Dixon (Team DFL); 7 Chris McNamara (Ewhurst Control Wildside Cycles); 8 Jamie Newall (Evans Cycles); 9 Martin Ford (Team DFL); 10 Rob Hayles (Recycling.co.uk/MG-Power/Litespeed); 11 Ben Hallam (Team DFL); 12 Jody Crawforth (Evans Cycles); 13 Russell Downing (Recycling.co.uk/MG-Power/Litespeed); 14 Justin Hoy (Evans Cycles); 15 Simon Cope (Pacific); 16 Roger Morgan (Stilton); 17 Nicholas Dawes (FCCC/EastStCycles/Porsche); 18 Ian Legg (Pacific); 19 Chris Parlett (Ewhurst Control Wildside Cycles); 20 Darrell Pembroke (agiskoviner.com).

SATURDAY, JULY 9 – SHAFTESBURY CC CRITS, EASTWAY, 3/4/W/J: 1 Dean Shannon (Southend Wheelers) 1.19.13; 2 Matthew Thurston (Norfolk/Drywall) 1.19.14; 3 Craig Stevens (Ciclos Uno) 1.19.14; 4 GAVIN RYAN (LONDON DYNAMO) 1.19.14; 5 Martin Hunter (Multisport) 1.19.14; 6 Roger Molinari (Team Economic Energy) 1.19.14; 7 Joe Fletcher (Team Economic Energy) 1.19.14; 8 25 Dave Young (Crest) 1.19.14; 9 Richard Sams (Angliasport/Condor) 1.19.14; 10 James Conway (Met Police) 1.19.14; 11 Rob Bryant (Shaftesbury) 1.19.14; 12 Andrew Cullinane (Team Sport & Publicity) 1.19.14; 13 Luen Geoff (San Fairy Ann) 1.19.14; 14 Andrew Brown (Southend Wheelers) 1.19.15; 15 Jay Hunter (Interbike) 1.19.15.

SATURDAY, JULY 9 – SURREY LEAGUE, EAST SUSSEX CYCLE FESTIVAL 2-DAY, FIRLE PLACE, SUSSEX, 2/3/J/W, STAGE 1, 1KM TIME TRIAL: 1 Geoffrey Lulham (Evans Cycles) 0.00.49.70; 2 Meurig James (Willesden) 0.00.49.80; 3 Steven Woodbridge (TM Racing) 0.00.49.89; 4 MARTIN WILLIAMSON (LONDON DYNAMO) 0.00.50.51; 5 Daniel Duguid (Evans Cycles) 0.00.50.76; 6 Tim Bedingfield (awcycles.co.uk) 0.00.51.09; 7 DAVID WILLIAMS (LONDON DYNAMO) 0.00.51.26; 8 Nicholas Dawes (Farnborough and Camberley) 0.00.51.89; 9 Tarik Djeddour (Kingston Wheelers) 0.00.52.70; 10 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO) 0.00.52.80; 11 Philip Watkins (Addiscombe) 0.00.52.82; 12 Darrell Pembroke (agiskoviner.com) 0.00.52.85; 13 Oliver Freeman (Bodyworks XTC) 0.00.52.89; 14 Keith Jarrett (i -team.co.uk) 0.00.53.23; 15 Gianluca Cappello (British Airways) 0.00.53.30; 16 IAN PAINE (LONDON DYNAMO) 0.00.53.45; 17 Gavin Morton (Charlotteville) 0.00.53.51; 18 Seth Kay (poshbikes.com) 0.00.53.64; 19 Mark Ketterer (Team Quest) 0.00.53.86 20 Mr Anne Boorsma (Dulwich Paragon) 0.00.53.95; 21 MARTIN GARRATT (LONDON DYNAMO) 0.00.54.09; 22 Todd Leckie (Bodyworks) 0.00.54.42; 23 Chris Moores (unatt) 0.00.54.45; 24 Lawrence Winterbottom (Hounslow and District Wheelers) 0.00.54.61; 25 Mark Sussex (Tunbridge Wells) 0.00.54.80; 26 Toni Bond (TM Racing) 0.00.55.10; 27 CHRIS CHAPMAN (LONDON DYNAMO) 0.00.55.14; 28 Mark Scoular (unatt) 0.00.55.30; 29 Robert Stimpson (unatt) 0.00.55.30; 30 Daniel James (Team Axiom) 0.00.55.67; 31 Mike Brampton (TM Racing) 0.00.55.67; 32 Brett Travers (Glendene) 0.00.55.86; 33 Andrew Norfolk (agiskoviner.com) 0.00.55.86; 34 Kieran Williams (awcycles.co.uk) 0.00.56.30; 35 Neil Linford-Relph (VC Meudon) 0.00.56.45; 36 Paul Bishop (Team Kontour) 0.00.57.07; 37 Thomas Eichholtz (South Eastern) 0.00.57.36; 38 Graham Wood (Crawley) 0.00.57.45; 39 Carrie Bedingfield (awcycles.co.uk) 0.00.58.16; 40 Ishmael Burdeau (Brighton Mitre) 0.00.58.57.

SATURDAY, JULY 9 – SURREY LEAGUE, EAST SUSSEX CYCLE FESTIVAL 2-DAY, FIRLE PLACE, SUSSEX, 2/3/J/W, STAGE 2, 64 MILES: 1 IAN PAINE (LONDON DYNAMO) 2.30.47; 2 Daniel Duguid (Evans Cycles) 2.30.49; 3 Seth Kay (poshbikes.com) 2.30.49; 4 Darrell Pembroke (agiskoviner.com) 2.30.49; 5 Oliver Freeman (Bodyworks XTC) 2.31.31; 6 Geoffrey Lulham (Evans Cycles) 2.31.59; 7 Keith Jarrett (i-team.co.uk) 2.31.59; 8 DAVID WILLIAMS (LONDON DYNAMO) 2.31.59; 9 Mark Scoular (unatt) 2.31.59; 10 Gavin Morton (Charlotteville) 2.31.59; 11 MARTIN WILLIAMSON (LONDON DYNAMO) 2.31.59; 12 CHRIS CHAPMAN (LONDON DYNAMO) 2.31.59; 13 Daniel James (Team Axiom) 2.31.59; 14 Philip Watkins (Addiscombe) 2.31.59; 15 Nicholas Dawes (Farnborough and Camberley) 2.31.59; 16 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO) 2.31.59; 17 Mark Sussex (Tunbridge Wells) 2.31.59; 18 Gianluca Cappello (British Airways) 2.31.59; 19 MARTIN GARRATT (LONDON DYNAMO) 2.31.59; 20 Chris Moores (unatt) 2.31.59; 21 Lawrence Winterbottom (Hounslow and District Wheelers) 2.31.59; 22 Toni Bond (TM Racing) 2.31.59; 23 Tarik Djeddour (Kingston Wheelers) 2.31.59; 24 Mr Anne Boorsma (Dulwich Paragon) 2.31.59; 25 Brett Travers (Glendene) 2.31.59; 26 Graham Wood (Crawley) 2.31.59; 27 Ishmael Burdeau (Brighton Mitre) 2.31.59; 28 Mark Ketterer (Team Quest) 2.31.59; 29 Robert Stimpson (unatt) 2.31.59; 30 Andrew Norfolk (agiskoviner.com) 2.35.00; 30 Steven Woodbridge (TM Racing) 2.35.00; 30 Meurig James (Willesden) 2.35.00; 33 Kieran Williams (awcycles.co.uk) 2.38.00; 33 Todd Leckie (Bodyworks XTC) 2.38.00; 33 Paul Bishop (Team Kontour) 2.38.00; 33 Mike Brampton (TM Racing) 2.38.00; 33 Thomas Eichholtz (South Eastern) 2.38.00; 38 Carrie Bedingfield (awcycles.co.uk) 2.40.56; 39 Neil Linford-Relph (VC Meudon) 2.41.00.

SUNDAY, JULY 10 – SURREY LEAGUE, EAST SUSSEX CYCLE FESTIVAL 2-DAY, FIRLE PLACE, SUSSEX, 2/3/J/W, STAGE 3, 1.4 MILE HILL CLIMB TIME TRIAL: 1 Daniel Duguid (Evans Cycles) 0.04.42; 2 Nicholas Dawes (Farnborough and Camberley) 0.04.44; 3 IAN PAINE (LONDON DYNAMO) 0.04.53; 4 Tim Bedingfield (awcycles.co.uk) 0.04.54; 4 Seth Kay (poshbikes.com) 0.04.54; 6 Ishmael Burdeau (Brighton Mitre) 0.05.01; 7 Meurig James (Willesden) 0.05.03; 8 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO) 0.05.06; 9 Gavin Morton (Charlotteville) 0.05.08; 9 Chris Moores (unatt) 0.05.08; 11 MARTIN WILLIAMSON (LONDON DYNAMO) 0.05.12; 12 DAVID WILLIAMS (LONDON DYNAMO) 0.05.14; 12 CHRIS CHAPMAN (LONDON DYNAMO) 0.05.14; 14 Kieran Williams (awcycles.co.uk) 0.05.18; 15 Mark Sussex (Tunbridge Wells) 0.05.20; 16 Tarik Djeddour (Kingston Wheelers) 0.05.23; 17 Mr Anne Boorsma (Dulwich Paragon) 0.05.24; 18 Geoffrey Lulham (Evans Cycles) 0.05.25; 19 Robert Stimpson (unatt) 0.05.30; 20 Darrell Pembroke (agiskoviner.com) 0.05.31; 21 Mark Ketterer (Team Quest) 0.05.33; 22 Keith Jarrett (i-team.co.uk) 0.05.37; 22 Steven Woodbridge (TM Racing) 0.05.37; 24 Paul Bishop (Team Kontour) 0.05.38; 25 MARTIN GARRATT (LONDON DYNAMO) 0.05.39; 26 Mark Scoular (unatt) 0.05.41; 27 Philip Watkins (Addiscombe) 0.05.47; 28 Thomas Eichholtz (South Eastern) 0.05.50; 29 Graham Wood (Crawley) 0.05.54; 30 Daniel James (Team Axiom) 0.06.02; 31 Brett Travers (Glendene) 0.06.03; 31 Lawrence Winterbottom (Hounslow and District Wheelers) 0.06.03; 33 Carrie Bedingfield (awcycles.co.uk) 0.06.10; 34 Gianluca Cappello (British Airways) 0.06.13; 35 Toni Bond (TM Racing) 0.06.37; 36 Andrew Norfolk (agiskoviner.com) 0.06.56; 37 Mike Brampton (TM Racing) 0.07.12.

SUNDAY JULY 10 – SURREY LEAGUE, EAST SUSSEX CYCLE FESTIVAL 2-DAY, FIRLE PLACE, SUSSEX, 2/3/J/W, STAGE 4, 64 MILES: 1 Meurig James (Willesden) 2.33.16; 2 Chris Moores (unatt) 2.33.20; 3 Brett Travers (Glendene) 2.33.20; 4 CHRIS CHAPMAN (LONDON DYNAMO) 2.33.25; 5 Keith Jarrett (i-team.co.uk) 2.33.28; 6 Daniel Duguid (Evans Cycles) 2.33.28; 7 Darrell Pembroke (agiskoviner.com) 2.33.28; 8 IAN PAINE (LONDON DYNAMO) 2.33.28; 9 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO) 2.33.28; 10 Mark Sussex (Tunbridge Wells) 2.33.28; 11 MARTIN GARRATT (LONDON DYNAMO) 2.33.28; 12 DAVID WILLIAMS (LONDON DYNAMO) 2.33.28; 13 Gavin Morton (Charlotteville) 2.33.28; 14 Seth Kay (poshbikes.com) 2.33.28; 15 Nicholas Dawes (Farnborough and Camberley) 2.33.28; 16 Robert Stimpson (unatt) 2.33.28; 17 Mark Scoular (unatt) 2.33.28; 18 Mr Anne Boorsma (Dulwich Paragon) 2.33.28; 19 Graham Wood (Crawley) 2.42.50; 20 Lawrence Winterbottom (Hounslow and District) 2.43.13; 21 Daniel James (Team Axiom) 2.43.13; 22 Tarik Djeddour (Kingston Wheelers) 2.44.43; 23 Geoffrey Lulham (Evans Cycles) 2.48.43; 24 Paul Bishop (Team Kontour) 2.53.58; 25 Toni Bond (TM Racing) 2.56.00; 26 Andrew Norfolk (agiskoviner.com) 2.59.00; 27 Mike Brampton (TM Racing) 2.59.00; 28 Carrie Bedingfield (awcycles.co.uk) 3.05.00; 29 Kieran Williams (awcycles.co.uk) 3.05.00.

SURREY LEAGUE, EAST SUSSEX CYCLE FESTIVAL 2-DAY, FIRLE PLACE, SUSSEX, 2/3/J/W, FINAL GENERAL CLASSIFICATION: 1 Daniel Duguid (Evans Cycles) 5.09.49; 2 IAN PAINE (LONDON DYNAMO) 5.10.01; 3 Seth Kay (poshbikes.com) 5.10.04; 4 Darrell Pembroke (agiskoviner.com) 5.10.40; 5 Nicholas Dawes (Farnborough and Camberley); 5.11.02; 6 Chris Moores (unatt) 5.11.21; 7 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO) 5.11.25; 8 Gavin Morton (Charlotteville) 5.11.28; 9 DAVID WILLIAMS (LONDON DYNAMO) 5.11.32; 10 CHRIS CHAPMAN (LONDON DYNAMO) 5.11.33; 11 Mark Sussex (Tunbridge Wells) 5.11.41; 12 Mr Anne Boorsma (Dulwich Paragon) 5.11.44; 13 Robert Stimpson (unatt) 5.11.52; 14 Keith Jarrett (i-team.co.uk) 5.11.57; 15 MARTIN GARRATT (LONDON DYNAMO) 5.12.00; 16 Mark Scoular (unatt) 5.12.03; 17 Brett Travers (Glendene) 5.12.17; 18 Meurig James (Willesden) 5.14.08; 19 Graham Wood (Crawley) 5.21.40; 20 Daniel James (Team Axiom) 5.22.09; 20 Lawrence Winterbottom (Hounslow and District Wheelers) 5.22.09; 22 Tarik Djeddour (Kingston Wheelers) 5.22.57; 23 Geoffrey Lulham (Evans Cycles) 5.26.56; 24 Toni Bond (TM Racing) 5.35.31; 25 Paul Bishop (Team Kontour) 5.38.33; 26 Andrew Norfolk (agiskoviner.com) 5.41.51; 27 Mike Brampton (TM Racing) 5.45.07; 28 Kieran Williams (awcycles.co.uk) 5.49.14; 29 Carrie Bedingfield (awcycles.co.uk) 5.53.04.

SURREY LEAGUE, EAST SUSSEX CYCLE FESTIVAL 2-DAY, FIRLE PLACE, SUSSEX, 2/3/J/W, FINAL OVERALL POINTS: 1 IAN PAINE (LONDON DYNAMO) 31; 2 Geoffrey Lulham (Evans Cycles) 29; 3= Daniel Duguid (Evans Cycles) 19; 3= Darrell Pembroke (agiskoviner.com) 19; 5 Meurig James (Willesden) 18; 6= Chris Moores (unatt) 12; 6= Seth Kay (poshbikes.com) 12; 8 Oliver Freeman (Bodyworks XTC) 11; 9= Brett Travers (Glendene) 10; 9= Keith Jarrett (i-team.co.uk) 10; 11 CHRIS CHAPMAN (LONDON DYNAMO) 8; 12 Nicholas Dawes (Farnborough and Camberley) 6; 13 Mark Ketterer (Team Quest) 5; 14 Tarik Djeddour (Kingston Wheelers) 4; 14= GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO) 4; 14= Mark Scoular (unatt) 4; 17 DAVID WILLIAMS (LONDON DYNAMO) 3; 18= Gavin Morton (Charlotteville) 2; 18= Paul Bishop (Team Kontour) 2; 18= Steven Woodbridge (TM Racing) 2; 18= Mark Sussex (Tunbridge Wells); 22= MARTIN WILLIAMSON (LONDON DYNAMO) 1; 22= MARTIN GARRATT (LONDON DYNAMO) 1.

SURREY LEAGUE, EAST SUSSEX CYCLE FESTIVAL 2-DAY, FIRLE PLACE, SUSSEX, 2/3/J/W, FINAL OVERALL KING OF THE MOUNTAIN POINTS: 1 Daniel Duguid (Evans Cycles) 75; 2 IAN PAINE (LONDON DYNAMO) 58; 3 Seth Kay (poshbikes.com) 45; 4 Nicholas Dawes (Farnborough and Camberley) 30; 5 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO) 26; 6 Meurig James (Willesden) 23; 7 Chris Moores (unatt) 20; 8 Tim Bedingfield (awcycles.co.uk) 14; 9 Gavin Morton (Charlotteville) 13; 10= CHRIS CHAPMAN (LONDON DYNAMO) 10; 10= Paul Bishop (Team Kontour) 10; 12 Oliver Freeman (Bodyworks XTC) 7; 13= DAVID WILLIAMS (LONDON DYNAMO) 6; 13= Darrell Pembroke (agiskoviner.com) 6; 15 Ishmael Burdeau (Brighton Mitre) 5; 16 MARTIN GARRATT (LONDON DYNAMO) 2; 16 Mr Anne Boorsma (Dulwich Paragon) 2.

SUNDAY, JULY 10 – KENNARDINGTON SERRL EVENT 10, WOODCHURCH, 3/4/W/J, 80KM: 1 Darren Knight (London Fire Brigade); 2 Richard Tozer (Twickenham); 3 Dean Kinnerly (unatt); 4 DAVID STREULE (LONDON DYNAMO); 5 Jonathan Jones (VC Deal); 6 Luke Huggins (Kingsnorth International); 7 Chris Hughes (VC Deal); 8 Geof Wyle (San Fairy Ann); 9 Lee Turner (Sigma Sport); 10 Nick Crockford (Glendene/Biketrax); 11 Andrew Wills (VC Deal); 12 Geoff Wilson (VC Deal); 13 Gavin Wendon (Medway Velo); 14 Jon Shurmer (Addiscombe); 15 David Pearson (San Fairy Ann); 16 Richard Kennerson (Medway Velo); 17 Andy Hawes (Medway Velo); 18 Kevin Knox (Dulwich Paragon); 19 Kathryn Hibberd (Poshbikes); 20 David Austen (unatt).

TUESDAY, JULY 12 – CRYSTAL PALACE LEAGUE #12, CRYSTAL PALACE PARK, E/1/2, 30KM: 1 Bryan Taylor (VC Londres); 2 TOM HEMMANT (LONDON DYNAMO) s/t; 3 IAN PAINE (LONDON DYNAMO) +0.03; 4 Matt Rugman (Kingsnorth International) +0.25; 5 Guy Pearson (Pearson Cycles); 6 Scott Bugden (Pearson Cycles); 7 Shannon Durrant (Pearson Cycles); 8 David Jones (Dulwich Paragon) +1.30; 9 Nic Cheetham (Dulwich Paragon) +1.35; 10 Steve Hammer (agiskoviner.com); 11 CHRIS CHAPMAN (LONDON DYNAMO); 12 Nat Spurling (Finsbury Park).

TUESDAY, JULY 12 – BC WEST THAMES/LONDON DYNAMO CIRCUIT RACE, HILLINGDON, 4/W/J, 45KM: 1 Chris Salisbury (Kingston Wheelers); 2 C. Emery (Twickenham); 3 AUBONE TENNANT (LONDON DYNAMO); 4 A. Peart (Twickenham); 5 K. Sparks (unatt); 6 P. Cornwall (unatt); 7 G. Mathieson (unatt); 8 S. Benge (Thames Velo); 9 J. STOREY (LONDON DYNAMO); 10 HUGO CANO (LONDON DYNAMO).

THE LAST WORD
“I was sitting behind him thinking, ‘Oh my God, I’m in a break with Merckx.’ I just sat behind him because he was like Muhammad Ali, and there was me, this little prat from England in a break with the guy whose picture I had on the wall when I was a kid.”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #64, 22.07.05

HAZY SUMMER
As a literate, articulate lot, it should only take the merest whiff of GT-85 to launch the average Dynamate into a far-reaching reverie of past glories and disasters – but the scorching summer sun seems to have addled a certain ‘Mo’s Dyna-memory when he recently ventured into the land that gave us A Remembrance Of Things Past. That’s right, madeleine-munching reader – we’re going back, way back, to the Monday before last when a group of intrepid Dyna-members followed in the pedal strokes of the pros at this year’s Etape Du Tour. So let’s line up at the start in Mourenx for what is sure to be a memorable 177km journey for all but one of our Pau-bound riders. Here comes the first bout of amnesia…

LIFE’S RICH ETAPESTRY
Many would agree that taking part in the Etape is an experience that stays with you for the rest of your life – but then they’ve probably never met ROBERT ‘THE VAGUE’ PRITCHARD. Was he, like STEVE WOOD, cheered by meeting riders clad in that familiar blue, black and orange livery who struck up conversations along the way? “I have vague recollections of seeing Dynamo jerseys,” Robert admits, “and I exchanged greetings, but it’s all a bit hazy.” What about going up the Ichere? “Pretty easy. Can’t really remember much about it.” But surely there must have been some Dyn-amazing views from the top of those climbs? “People have asked me about the scenery,” Robert says with a scratch of his head. “I remember seeing some tarmac, a lot of wheels, many different jerseys and, eventually, the finish. The scenery mostly passed me by.” The poor lad’s memory seems to have evaporated in the thin mountain air! But his recollection of the day suddenly kicks into gear with the mention of two dreaded words: the Aubisque. “Jesus,” wonders Robert, does it EVER end?” Fellow climber NEIL JONES recalls: “It was like a funeral procession. No words spoken, everyone just grinding away in their lowest gear.” For Robert, the silence of his agonising hour was broken by a splash. He explains: “It wasn’t, as I assumed, a rider lightening the load by ditching water, but someone throwing up. Fair play to him, though – he didn’t stop.” That’s the spirit! Pushing hard, Robert abandoned a slow-moving bunch on the descent and hooked up with ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY (“can’t remember his name – guy with long hair”) who set a blistering pace with some impressive turns at the front. A spot of cramp on the final two 4th cat climbs cost Robert a gold medal by a maddening three seconds, but he says: “I wasn’t too disappointed. I rode well and the cramp was unlucky, mostly caused by the heat. It was tough, but a good day.” Neil, meanwhile, says of the whole experience: “The townsfolk spraying you with garden hoses, the Selfridges January sales approach to the refuelling stops and the chance to nearly slap a cow’s backside at 40mph coming down the Aubisque made it unique.” And lastly, we have a challenge to identify a mystery ‘Mo, courtesy of JAMES HEATH, who writes: “A confident Dynamo overtook me half way up the Aubisque with the not-to-encouraging words, ‘It’s all uphill from here.’ So it was with a heavy heart that I passed him again cramped up on the tarmac at the bottom of the descent having his legs massaged by some local peasant. Sorry I can’t identify him, but I thought it might make an interesting ‘spot the Dynamate’ competition.” It certainly will, James! Speaking of competitions…

CAP THAT!
…we’re posting an amusing photograph of Cyclefit guru PHIL ‘NO NONSENSE’ CAVELL on the Dynamo website which we hope our humour-loving readership will furnish with a selection of amusing captions. The generous DYNAMITE! team has dug deep into its utility box and pulled out an unused puncture repair kit worth £1.75 – and it could be yours if you Dyna-mail the wittiest pic-related quip to news@londondynamo.co.uk with “Cap That!” in the subject heading. You really couldn’t ask for a better prize! The photo features Dynamo’s elder statesman on Cyclefit’s recent Etape training trip with tour organisers GPM10 – but despite looking somewhat the worst for wear after conquering one of many mountains on the three-country adventure, Phil reveals that it was one of his “best-ever cycling experiences” and he plans to hold another classic cols expedition in September. There are only 10 places available, so go to http://www.cyclefit.co.uk/GPM10%20Tour%20de%20Mant%20Blanc_the_aftermath.htm to find out what you’ll be letting yourself in for – and then head to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click the “newsletter” link to see the bike fitter adopting an uncomfortable-looking position. It ain’t pretty! We’ve also put up a few captions that Phil, his wife Donna, GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL and DYNAMITE! have made up – but we know you lot can do better!

“When the going gets tough, the tough age 10 years and won’t lend you their pump.”

“Years of listening to Warrick talk about every race he’d ever been in from the age of six was taking its toll on his boss.”

“The eye test was a struggle – but he could just about make out the first line: ‘U-R-F-U-C-K-T’.”

“Cyclefit – the worst a man can get.”

“As he squatted on the grass verge, Phil regretted having that extra baked potato.”

“Donna had made a happy man very old.”

“After 10k of hard climbing, Phil had been dropped. On his head.”

“Anyone seen a couple of eyeballs? Mine fell out on the last corner.”

“Luke could not believe what had happened to Yoda after moving from Dagobah to the Aubisque, yet his advice was still an inspiration: ‘Serotta buy you will.'”

“The poignant memorial to Tom Simpson brought tears to the hardened roadman’s eyes… after he sat on it.”

“Spare some change, Guvnor?”

“Julian’s business partner had always been a maverick – but he began to question Phil’s judgement when he began selling bicycles in the middle of Hyde Park.”

“Revealed: OAP given ASBO.”

“The makers of the stylish Goretex jacket were disappointed with the ‘mature’ model for their latest photo shoot.”

“Here, Shep!”

MOTTE AN ACHIEVEMENT
Of course, the Etape isn’t the only event on foreign soil that has recently been blessed by the presence of the capital’s finest – and ROB ‘ALL WEATHER’ TUBBS is determined to get a Dynamo team together for the 2006 Marmotte after conquering Alpe d’Huez on this year’s 100-mile circuit. The ex-army man, who managed a gold medal time with seven seconds to spare, revealed: “Wearing my London Dynamo kit I was getting many cheers and messages of goodwill.” We’re not surprised, pal! Rob was pleased to bump into former ‘Mo John Oldridge who returned to his northern homeland last year – but he didn’t spot SAM WOODHOUSE among the 8,000 competitors. Sam completed the cyclo-sportif event in 10hrs 8mins and you can see a picture of him approaching the final bend of Alpe d’Huez by clicking the “newsletter” link at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk. He says: “It was my best moment, although I look knackered.” You wait ’til you see Phil, buddy! You can also have a gander at Sam’s photo of T-Mobile renegade Alexandre Vinokourouv tackling the 13 per cent section of the Galibier during stage 11. That man’s unstoppable!

FONDO MEMORIES
Our final destination in this week’s whirlwind trip through Europe is Treviso, Italy, where MARTIN ‘BRAVEHEART’ BUDDEN, TOM ‘TUFTY’ DAVIES, PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT and WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE rode the 160km Granfondo Pinarello, which included 2,500m of climbing. Paul finished with Martin in 5hrs 42mins while Warrick came an impressive 83rd among the 1,524 competitors, clocking in at 4hrs 58mins. Bizarrely, the pony-tailed point gobbler appears to be listed under the TOM HEMMANT-esque nom de plume of Warreck Long. Baffled Paul asks: “What’s all that about?” Warrick, it’s over to you!

COME TO A VAULT
It’s been an unforgettable experience for everyone involved – but sadly it’s time to thank everyone for contributing their happy memories and lock them away in the vault. We’ll be back with more reminiscences next week, so until then, always remember that we are a sprawling cerebral cortex but we would be nothing without you, our hardy hippocampus. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘MEMORY MAN’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as our mind draws a blank, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and total recall.

WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Five laps of the park at race pace.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
SUNDAY, JULY 10 – SURREY LEAGUE – DUNSFOLD AERODROME, 3/W/J, 80KM: 1 John Wager (ibike.co.uk); 2 Martin Baker (i-team.co.uk); 3 PIERS STANSFIELD (LONDON DYNAMO); 4 Matthew Plested (agiskoviner.com); 5 Cyan Collier (Oxford City); 6 Paul Tunnell (Addiscombe); 7 Tony Gordon (Pearson Cycles); 8 George Higgs (Brighton Excelsior); 9 James Graham (Festival); 10 Marlon Moncrieffe (unatt); 11 Remedios Rosie (ibike.co.uk); 12= Tim Sales (Redhill); 12= Garry Timlick (GS Helix-Maestro); 12= Andrew Harvey (Kingston Wheelers); 12= DAVID NORRIS (LONDON DYNAMO); 12= Marcus Pool (unatt); 12= Richard Collins (Twickenham); 12= Dick Crane (Crawley Wheelers); 12= Graham Taylor (Farnborough and Camberley); 12= Nigel Smith (Twickenham); 12= Christopher Salt (Kingston Wheelers); 12= Adam Witherington (Farnborough and Camberley); 12= Dennis Wright (London Fire Brigade); 12= Colin Addison (VC Meudon); 12= Nick de Sancha (Kingston Wheelers); 12= Jon Hayes (Brighton Excelsior); 12= Alex Ioannides (Sigma Sport); 12= Giles Bowell (Twickenham) 12= Gavin Buckley (VC Meudon).

SUNDAY, JULY 10 – SURREY LEAGUE, DUNSFOLD AERODROME, 4/3W/4W 36 MILES: 1 man in black; 2 K Oamchi (ibike.co.uk); 3 Mark Goodall (i-team.co.uk); 4 P Wager (SBR Sports); 5 Bob Hatton (i-team.co.uk); 6 Roland Kusay (Redhill); 7 Jonathan Machni (Oxford University); 8 Martin Harris (Basingstoke); 9= David Palmer (Addiscombe); 9= David Fee (Basingstoke); 9= Martin Beckingham (Basingstoke); 9= John Snead (Reading); 9= Rob Thompson (South Western); 9= Simon Neave (South Western); 9= Simon Benge (Thames Velo); 9= John Nicholls (Thames Velo); 9= James Walmsley (Worthing Excelsior); 9= REBECCA STUBBS (LONDON DYNAMO); 9= Gary Bulluch (VC Meudon); 9= Nicola Wadham (Kingston Wheelers); 9= Ollie Moss (unatt); 9= Paul Hartigan (Thames Velo); 9= Joanne Long (i-team.co.uk); 9= Doug Rollins (Addiscombe); 9= Allan Hopkins (Redhill); 9= H Zabeil (Charlotteville); 9= Carl Walker (Addiscombe); 9= Glenn Mathicson (unatt); 9= Mark Compton (Sotonia); 9= Alan Brooks (Crawley) 9= John Willis (Eastbourne Rovers).

SUNDAY, JULY 17 – CHARLIE CAIN MEMORIAL ROAD RACE, HORTON-CUM-STUDLEY, E/1/2, 112KM: 1 Tony Gibb (Plowman Craven); 2 Martin Smith (Team Milton Keynes/Trek); 3 Paul Wilkes (Team Bradgate); 4 Grant Bayton (Anglia Sport); 5 Lee Davis (Maestro/Fircroft Hotel); 6 Nigel Williams (Python); 7 Simon Henley (Team Milton Keynes/Trek) 8 Tom Crouch (Team Sinergy/Bianchi); 9 Simon Brooks (VC St Raphael); 10 Mark Williams (Python); 11 Matt Clinton Team (Specialized); 12 Steve Thomas (Maestro/Fircroft Hotel); 13 Daniel Davies (agiskoviner.com); 14 Simon Smith (Comedy Superteam); 15 RUSSELL SHORT (LONDON DYNAMO); 16 Ian Alexander (Cheltenham and County).

MONDAY, 11 JULY – ETAPE DU TOUR, MOURENX-PAU, 179KM: 458 Guy Andrews 6.17.47 (gold); 588 Rob Pritchard 6.23.26 (silver, 26secs off gold); 600 Rob Jeffroy 6.24.07 (silver, 1min 7secs off gold); 738 Chris Ward 6.29.26 (gold); 758 James Heath 6.26.19; 1046 Ed McKinley 6.39.50 (gold); 1208 Bill Gilbert 6.44.46 (silver); 6125 Steve Wood 9.06.05; 8022 Neil Jones 9.28.58.

TUESDAY, 19 JULY – CRYSTAL PALACE LEAGUE #13, CRYSTAL PALACE PARK, E/1/2, 30KM: 1 Simon Cope (Pacific); 2 TOM HEMMANT LONDON DYNAMO); 3 IAN PAINE (LONDON DYNAMO); 4 Alex Atkins (Evans); 5 John Sadler (Addiscombe); 6 Matt Seaton (VC Londres); 7 Matt Rugman (Kingsnorth International; 8 Roger Morgan (Stilton); 9 Paul Mill (Edwardes).

TUESDAY, 19 JULY – BC WEST THAMES/SPORT AND PUBLICITY CIRCUIT RACE, HILLINGDON, 4/W/J 45KM: 1 Charles Emry (Twickenham/Evans/Natures Kiss): 2 G. Pettit (Hillingdon); 3 D. Bill (unatt); 4 K. Starts (unatt); 5 SAM WOODHOUSE (LONDON DYNAMO); 6 R. West (unatt); 7 D. Lombardi (Addiscombe); 8 A. Broadbent (Thames Velo); 9 T. Southern (unatt); 10 Unidentified; 11 G. Kerr (21st Century Airports); 12 M. Walter (London Phoenix); 13 T. Pears (Twickenham); 14 O. Peleg (Sport and Publicity); 15 P. Cornwal (unatt); 16 B. Skinner (Hounslow and District Wheelers); 17 I. Low (Thames Velo); 18 T. Snape (Twickenham); 19 D. Carpenter (Mission Racing); 20 N. May (Slipstreamers); 21 HUGO CANO (LONDON DYNAMO); 22 B. Skelton (Westerley CC).

THE LAST WORD
“Dutchman Wim Van Est fell over the edge of the Aubisque in 1951 when he was leading the race. He had to be pulled back up the road with a tow rope made by knotting together all of his team’s spare tyres. But these stretched so much that they no longer fitted the rims and the Dutch team had to go home.”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #65, 29.07.05

AWASH WITH EMOTION
Like tears from the gods, the rain poured down on Sunday as many mourned the end of an era in cycling – and apparently Lance Armstrong also retired. That’s right, Dyna-motional reader – a major chapter in the Dynamo history books drew to a close at the weekend as Putney housemates CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN, RICHARD ‘BOY RACER’ DOLBY, LUCY ‘DEMURE’ DOVE and TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT threw a barbecue before going their separate ways. Things will never be the same again! Unlike IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE, MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON and Dynamette MEL WILLIAMS, your favourite flame-grilled weekly wasn’t there to witness the remarkable sight of Tom tucking into a burger – so to commemorate the awesome foursome’s huge contribution to the capital’s Dyna-mightiest cycle squad, this week’s missive will be a special deluxe collector’s edition dedicated to the now-disbanded branch of London Dynamo formerly based at 5 Solna Avenue. So come with us as we get ready to haul away the contents of their groaning silverware cupboard into the spacious removals van. Here comes the first heaving crate…

SO SOLID CREWE
In addition to creating the highest concentration of ‘Mos in one residence, the Solna Avenue story is a heart-warming yarn of how three very different characters – the trainspotter, the car junkie and the eco-warrior – found a common bond in their love of two-wheeled adventures which has lasted to this day. The tale of the crew from Crewe began many years ago when locomotive lover Chris joined Richard’s primary school in what the boy racer describes as “posh Nantwich”. We’ll have to take his word for it on that one! Richard reminisces: “Chappy had an excellent train set – I seem to remember it was the smaller ‘N’ gauge rather than your common ’00’. I think this fact was the only reason I made friends with him.” The rail-crazy kid must have been chuffed! When he wasn’t pacing the platform of Crewe station with a jotter and pencil, the young Van Chadders was out on his mountain bike perfecting the high-cadence style that would later earn him many a point on those tough uphill Surrey League finishes. His achievement is all the more impressive considering the Cheshire plain only has one hill! Richard’s dedication to the knobbly-tyred cause saw him go on to win the champion’s fluorescent green jersey in the 1995 Europa cup – although ecologically-aware Tom reckons: “He only got into biking because he wasn’t old enough to indulge his petrol-head tendencies.” We bet the ozone layer was grateful for a few years’ respite! Meanwhile, Dynamo’s quiet man was still recovering from a cruel psychological blow he received a good few years before. Tom, who incidentally won the E/1/2/3 race at Crystal Palace on Tuesday, reveals: “I had to endure years of being bullied after my dad turned up at a football match to pick me up on a tandem wearing full lycra. I was only a nipper and the embarrassment brought me to tears. The upside was that it was half time and I was about to get taken off, but the teacher in charge thought this was the cause of the crying so he let me carry on playing.” To help ease the pain of this incident, Tom had cultivated the air of a relaxed, cool teenage mountain biker while secretly sneaking off to time trials at a local bypass and races around Oulton Park. University intervened in the trio’s innocent bike-related enjoyment – but they were back on the cycling scene with a vengeance in winter 2003 when the trio came down to the big smoke and moved into a certain suburban street in SW15. Tom’s girlfriend Lucy didn’t relocate to her fella’s Putney base for another year, but the Scots lass recalls: “The boys spent many happy summer evenings in 2003 rushing home from work to get on their mountain bikes before heading out for some radical off-road action on Wimbledon Common and Richmond Park.” There was no stopping them! It was then that the three lads and their new female recruit decided to take on their biggest challenge yet, the 2004 Etape – which meant Chris breaking his vow never to get a road bike and Richard investing in a Litespeed. Lucy, who was 15th lady at the Milton Keynes triathlon on Sunday with a time of 2hrs 21mins, says: “That was when the Dynamo Sunday rides began for team Solna and many a train journey home from Surrey for me.” It was also around this time that Tom famously turned up late for the Parkride on the quartet’s shared Swinnerton and had to pedal even more furiously after the back wheel came out – but this minor blip aside, it’s been onwards and upwards for the Green Party voter, who rocketed from 4th to 1st category last season while 2nd cat Chris has proved himself worthy of the title King Of The Spinners. Like a more famous ginger star, Van Chadders was the first to leave the hugely successful group last month when he shacked up with his fiancé Nic – so to mark the foursome’s disbanding, everyone on the DYNAMITE! team would like to salute the enormous contribution that one humble homestead in south-west London has made to the club as we hope to continue receiving news of future successes from their new homes. We’ll be round for the housewarming parties, buddies!

KEN WATCH!
But it’s not just Team Solna that has bitten the dust – because man of mystery KEN BUIST is about to become even more mysterious after sensationally quitting the racing scene. Say it isn’t so, pal! The secretive New Zealander emerged from the shadows on Wednesday to get his bike serviced at A Certain Hampton Wick Retailer and broke the shock news to handy mechanic SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON, who helped to score a sensational Dynamo double on Tuesday by complementing TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT’s Palace win with 1st place in the 3/4 race. The self-styled “thrilla from Herne Hilla” says: “I think Ken’s taken a leaf out of Lance’s book.” He’ll be snogging rock stars next!

PARK NIGHT
Talking of Palace, TOM ‘TUFTY’ DAVIES has been in touch with a reminder that the club is scheduled to marshal at the south-east London park on the evening of Tuesday, August 9th. The organisers need 12 willing Dynamates for the club’s final marshalling stint this season – and as Tom points out: “We always get a good turnout to race at Palace, so it would be great if we could show the same commitment to helping out.” Them’s wise words! Dyna-mail news@londondynamo.co.uk with “Park Night” in the subject heading if you want to do your bit at the circuit and we’ll pass on all your details to Tom. It will be your last chance to wear a high-visibility tabard this year!

IS THAT THE GUY?
In the meantime, we hope to find out the identity of the mystery Dynamate who passed JAMES HEATH as he slogged up the gruelling Aubisque and unnerved him with the merrily-observed judgement “it’s all uphill from here” – only to pull up with cramp on the descent as James flew past him. International Man of Leisure CHRIS ‘HOSPITAL’ WARD recognised the description in last week’s edition and reckons it was none other than club president GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS who stopped to get his legs massaged by a French peasant at the Etape. It sounds like one of the grouch-in-chief’s cruel quips as well! Chris rode the Etape with ‘BUFFALO’ BILL GILBERT and ED ‘THE MAN’ MCKINLEY – and he reckons Ed stopped to give Guy a rub. Could it be true? Chairman ‘Mo, it’s over to you!

YEP – THAT’S GUY!
Finally, ever-competitive GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL just about managed to beat our strict deadline with the news that he had taken 11th place among a very strong field at the 90-mile E/1/2 race at Dunsfold on Wednesday morning. The recently-promoted 1st cat licence holder could only pant two words about his exhausting three-and-a-half hour baptism of fire: “Sweet Jesus!” That says it all, really! In another E/1/2 race, Cyclefit sensation WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE finished 8th after an hour whizzing around Milton Keynes Bowl with Hillingdon big-hitter Tony Gibb, to name just one of the crit kings flexing their muscles in the latest round of the national elite series – and DYNAMITE! was pleased to see GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNAWAY in 6th place on the general classification for the Crawley CC two-day. He’s recently become as hard to spot as his namesake!

THAT’S SOL FOR NOW
The removal van has disappeared into the sunset, never to return to a certain address on the Putney-Roehampton border – but unlike Pickfords, we’ll be returning in seven days. Until then, try to remember that we are a short-term lease and we would be nothing without you, our kind landlord. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘PACK YER BAGS’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we pull up and begin to unload, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and brown overalls.

WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Five laps of the park at race pace.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
SATURDAY, JULY 23 – MILTON KEYNES TOWN CENTRE CIRCUIT RACES, MILTON KEYNES BOWL, E/1/2, 1 HOUR: 1 Dean Downing (Recycling.co.uk); 2 Ben Hallam (DFL); 3 Rob Hayles (Recycling.co.uk); 4 Ross Muir (Viner Bikes/Agisko Sports Nutrition); 5 James Taylor (www.sports-coaching.com); 6 Russell Downing (Recycling.co.uk); 7 Ian Holt (Viner Bikes/Agisko Sports Nutrition); 8 WARRICK SPENCE (LONDON DYNAMO); 9 Justin Hoy (Evans Cycles); 10 Martin Smith (Milton Keynes); 11 Martin Ford (DFL); 12 Tom Smith (Viner Bikes/Agisko Sports Nutrition); 13 Steve Higgins (JE James/Direct Plastics); 14 Aaron McCaffrey (Alpha); 15 Gareth Hewitt (JE James/Direct Plastics); 16 Tony Gibb (PlowmanCraven); 17 Campbell Noon (Milton Keynes); 18 Ben Price (Stilton).

SATURDAY, JULY 23 – SUNDAY, JULY 24 – CRAWLEY CC 2 DAY, 3/J, 170KM, FINAL GENERAL CLASSIFICATION: 1 Mark Leggett (www.agiskoviner.com); 4.52.38; 2 Simon Warren (Norwood Paragon) 4.52.52; 3 Martin Sellars (i-team.co.uk) 4.52.53; 4 Steve Price (www.agiskoviner.com) 4.52.55; 5 Russell Shingle (In-gear) 4.53.05; 6 GORDON KENNAWAY (LONDON DYNAMO) 4.53.06; 7 Justin Radford (Python); 4.53.09; 8 Chris Salt (Kingston Wheelers) 4.53.09; 9 George Higgs (Brighton Excelsior) 4.53.13; 10 Andy Seltzer (East Grinstead) 4.53.14; 11 Sean McDougall (Finsbury Park) 4.53.14; 12 Jonathon Partington (Redkite Cycles); 4.53.15; 13 Kevin Davey (Pacific Racing) 4.53.20; 14 Jason Edgell (Ride Beyond) 4.53.25; 15 James Beaumont (Kingston Wheelers) 4.54.03; 16 Tom Copeland (Evans Cycles) 4.55.44; 17 Andrew Daniels (Twickenham) 4.56.09; 18 Richard Ellis (Eurocycler) 5.00.21; 19 Jon Poynter (Ride Beyond) 5.01.48; 20 Anthony Miller (Glendene) 5.01.55; 21 Richard Tozer (Twickenham) 5.03.25; 22 Jonathan Jones (VC Deal) 5.08.24; 23 ROBERT JEFFROY (LONDON DYNAMO) 5.10.19; 24 Tom Roberts (Brighton Excelsior) 5.11.47; 25 David Jakeman (Eurocycler) 5.17.07; 26 Tarik Djeddour (Kingston Wheelers) 5.19.42; 27 Matt Green (Evans Cycles) 5.24.11; 28 David Ravenhill (www.agiskoviner.com) 5.33.18; 29 Lawrence Oldershaw (Eurocycler) 5.35.39; 30 STUART JEFFREYS (LONDON DYNAMO) 5.38.25; 31 Jayson Weale (Evans Cycles) 5.50.41; 32 Duncan Murdoch (Redhill) 5.51.35; 33 Jonathan Maher (Sigma Sport) 5.57.37; 34 James Shrubsall (Norwood Paragon) 5.59.09; 35 Stuart Cook (www.agiskoviner.com) 6.49.21.

SUNDAY, JULY 24 – SOUTHERN COUNTIES CU CHAMPIONSHIP RR, EDENBRIDGE, KENT, E/1/2/3/4, 120KM: 1 Eric Ranson (Viner Bikes/Agisko Sports Nutrition); 2 Gary Dodd (Sigma Sport) +0.01.30 3 Gary Baker (Anglia Sports/Condor); 4 Alex Higham (Stilton); 5 TOM HEMMANT (LONDON DYNAMO); 6 Robert Hurd (Bioagrico Fabelec Selexion); 7 Simon Brooks (VC St Raphael); 8 Seth Kay (Poshbikes.com); 9 James Holland (www.agiskoviner.com) +0.07.00; 10 Geoffrey Lulham (Evans); 11 Simon Lawn (Sigma Sport); 12 Russell Page (SP Systems/Wightlink); 13 Phil Starr (Starr Guttering); 14 Joel Stewart (www.agiskoviner.com); 15 Jason Edwards (Wildside Cycles); 16 Nigel Ling (Gemini); 17 Kevin Tye (Poshbikes.com); 18 Mark Sussex (Wildside Cycles); 19 Robert Stimpson (unatt); 20 James Scoular (unatt) +0.08.00; 21 Meurig James (Willesden) +0.32.00.

TUESDAY, JULY 26 – CRYSTAL PALACE LEAGUE #14, CRYSTAL PALACE PARK, E/1/2, 30KM: 1 TOM HEMMANT (LONDON DYNAMO); 2 John Sadler (Addiscombe); 3 Yves Milliers (Kingston Wheelers); 4 Matt Seaton (VC Londres); 5 Ian Paine (LONDON DYNAMO) +0.02.06; 6 Dan Rudd (Edwardes Cycles); 7 Anne Boorsma (Dulwich Paragon) +0.02.00; 8 Neil Pearson (Gemini) +1 lap.

TUESDAY, JULY 26 – CRYSTAL PALACE LEAGUE #14, CRYSTAL PALACE PARK, 3/4/W/J, 27KM: 1 SAM HUMPHERSON (LONDON DYNAMO); 2 Max McCalla (VC Londres); 3 Michael Ricciardi (BEC); 4 Julian Cunnington (SERC); 5 Brian Randall (Sutton); 6 Graham Pearce (Brixton Cycles); 7 James Hughes (BEC).

THE LAST WORD
“My pelvis is a bit out of whack at the moment. Of all things I did the injury at home! I have just shifted house and thought I would do a bit of heavy lifting. Unfortunately, my new ‘lighter’ body didn’t handle this new work too well. Who would have thought?”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #66, 05.08.05

ASTRONOMICAL!
Many would agree that Discovery’s recent achievement was out of this world – and the team that propelled Lance Armstrong to his seventh Tour de France victory didn’t do too badly either. That’s right, cosmic-crazy reader – like you, everyone in the famous DYNAMITE! soundproof bunker was amazed this week when astronauts Stephen Robinson and Soichi Noguchi managed to repair the Nasa shuttle’s heat shield during a six-hour spacewalk. It makes mending a puncture on a freezing cold Sunday in the middle of Shere look like a walk in Richmond Park! In the week when TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT broke through the 1st cat stratosphere to Elite status thanks to his recent win at Palace, intrepid STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES dropped us a note about his out-of-this-world journey which we will be revealing shortly – but first let us float serenely out to the underbelly of the spacecraft and examine what RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT has been up to. Here comes the robotic arm…

SHORT FILM
It’s been many months since DYNAMITE! speculated about the possibility of a film celebrating the capital’s least camera-shy cycle squad – and it’s a pleasure to announce the Dyna-movie has now been made. The IT support staff at Dynamo Towers have been working overtime to cram the flick into our Vic 20 so we can transmit it with this issue, so let’s hope the gremlins haven’t got to the attachment at your end. It would be a reel shame to miss it! The mini-movie was shot entirely on location by RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT – and the movie Dyna-mogul says: “I put it together as a way of saying ‘Thanks’ to each member for making this such a great club.” What a gent!

GOODWOOD YOU BELIEVE IT!
And as Rusty toiled away in his editing suite on Sunday, the little fella’s racing buddy PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN was having a tough old time at Goodwood. The Dynamo race secretary survived a downpour during the 80km 3rd cat contest only to be brought down on the chicane in the penultimate lap when someone else’s pedal and crank tore through the spokes on one of his brand new carbon wheels. We won’t even mention what happened to his Merlin’s forks! Miffed Paul sat in the first aid area with road rash, bruising and many an aching muscle as his lead-out man SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON took 6th place – but he was back with a vengeance at the Hounslow Wheelers 10-mile time trial last night, clinching 1st place with a time of 23mins 56secs. Fantastic stuff! The Kingston killer beat his personal best by 45 seconds and was a full minute faster than GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL, who raced the hilly Chertsey course in May. Call the cops – A and E is handing out EPO!

KEN WATCH!
Talking of the human powerhouse, Guy was on his way to Richmond Park last Thursday night when he spotted Dyna-mystery man KEN BUIST riding along Priory Lane in the opposite direction. For a man who is supposed to have announced an Armstrong-esque retirement, he certainly doesn’t seem to have cut down on the miles! Guy would have stopped the slippery Kiwi to quiz him on his departure from the racing scene – but news of Ken quitting had yet to arrive on the property broker’s swanky Blackberry, courtesy of his favourite Friday morning read. He’ll know better next time!

LONG CRAWL BACK
Meanwhile, Buistean doppelganger GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY has dropped us a note after we reported last week that he had finished 6th in the Crawley two-day. Gordon blamed “too much work” for his brief Buist-like disappearance from the Dynamo scene and he admits Crawley was a “hard return to racing” with the bunch split apart on some tough climbs during the sweltering first stage and heavy rain on the second day. But he added: “Luckily, STUART ‘POSTAL’ JEFFRIES came with ample supplies of his delicious For Goodness Shakes which made the weekend all worthwhile, as did my winnings of a £25 Evans voucher.” Don’t spend it all at once, buddy!

KNOBBLY NEEDS
Journeyman STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES has also been missing of late – and DYNAMITE! can reveal his absence was down to a need to get some knobbly-tired action overseas. The jolly South African went back to his mountain bike roots for the Transalp Challenge which saw him cover 730km – that’s right, stunned reader, 730 big ones – over eight stages. Stuart’s two-man team finished 56th overall in the men’s category with a time of 41hrs 58mins – and he reveals: “It’s a completely mad race but the unbelievable scenery makes some of the pain disappear.” With a total altitude of 22,293 metres, that’s going to be a lot of pain!

PALS OF PALACE
Finally, DYNAMITE! would like to pass on a sincere message of thanks from the Dyna-management to all the Dynamates who helped our friends at Crystal Palace in their hour of need. Due to unforeseen circumstances, the club’s marshalling stint was moved forward a week at short notice, so it’s a credit to CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN, TOM ‘TUFTY’ DAVIES, MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT, TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT, SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON, GAVIN ‘NO LYIN’ RYAN and STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES for doing their bit on Tuesday. Cheers, fellas!

SHUTTLE DO FOR NOW
We’ve strapped ourselves in and turned on the thrusters as we prepare to re-enter the Earth’s atmosphere. Many thanks for all your contributions – and please remember that we are a little-remembered Alan Bean and we would be nothing without you, our iconic Neil Armstrong. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘ZERO GRAVITY’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we splash into the Indian Ocean, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a pair of moon boots.

WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Five laps of the park at race pace.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
SATURDAY, JULY 16, SURREY LEAGUE, MoD CHERTSEY, 3/W/J, 40 MILES: 1 Daz Marcus (Pearson Cycles); 2 Thomas Smith (Twickenham); 3 David Ravenhill (agiskoviner.com); 4 Matthew Plested (agiskoviner.com); 5 Andy Jones (i-team.co.uk); 6 Martin Baker (i-team.co.uk); 7 Lawrence Winterbottom (Hounslow and District Wheelers); 8 Mike Brampton (TM Racing); 9 Jon Geaves (Beyond MTB); 10= John Leitch (Festival); 10= Brad Lamb (Victoria); 10= DAVID NORRIS (LONDON DYNAMO); 10= GORDON KENNEWAY (LONDON DYNAMO); 10= Simon Warren (Norwood Paragon); 10= Alex Ioannides (Sigma Sport); 10= Mark Bobinson (Johns Bikes); 10= Russ Turner (South Western); 10= Scott Amery (Gemini); 10= Garry Timlick (GS Helix-Maestro); 10= Keith Bugden (Pearson Cycles); 10= Andrew Seltzer (East Grinstead); 10= Brian Smith (North Hampshire); 10= Nick Davies (Reading); 10= Rosie Remendes (I-bike); 10= Eduardo Remendes (I-bike); 10= Paul McDonough (Kingston Wheelers); 10= Christopher Salt (Kingston Wheelers); 10= Gerrit Oplaat (East Grinstead); 10= Craig Beech (Interbike); 10= Norman Mellors (Hantspool); 10= Joanna Roswell (Sutton); 10= Jon Poynter (Ride Beyond); 10= Richard Munday (Addiscombe); 10= Reza Gorjestant (unatt); 10= Brian Tidey (Addiscombe); 10= Simon Duke (Arctic); 10= Alan Sherman (unatt); 10= Clive Davies (Beyond MTB); 10= James Graham (Festival); 10= Paul Gosling (Brighton Excelsior); 10= Nick Haskins (unatt); 10= Kevin Butchart (Twickenham); 10= Toni Bond (TM Racing); 10= Jason Ormston (Team Quest); 10= Erol Mustafa (VC De Londres); 10= Nigel Dickinson (Farnborough and Camberley); 10= Jonathan Cross (Maidenhead); 10= Andrew McKie (South Western); 10= Richard Abela (Beyond MTB); 10= Tony Gordon (Pearson Cycles); 10= Darren Clarke (Army CU); 10= Dean Wilson (Kingsnorth International); 10= Jonathan Gormley (Encyvale); 54 Claire Paginton (Evans Cycles).

SATURDAY, JULY 16, SURREY LEAGUE, MoD CHERTSEY, E/1/2, 50 MILES: 1 Justin Hoy (Evans Cycles); 2 Joe Bayfield (awcycles.co.uk); 3 Bryan Taylor (VC De Londres); 4 Stephen Atfield (Bournemouth Jubilee); 5 Russell Painter (Norwood Paragon); 6 JOSEPH STEGERS (LONDON DYNAMO); 7 Thorsten Klassen (Kingston Wheelers); 8 Henry Furness (Ride Beyond); 9= Meurig James (Willesden); 9= Christopher Parlett (Tunbridge Wells); 9= Philip Watkins (Addiscombe); 9= Andrew Gough (Portswood Cycles); 9= Philip Gough (Portswood Cycles); 9= Stephen Cave (34th Nomads); 9= Simon Brooks (VC St Raphael); 9= Toby Neave (Liphook Cycles); 9= Keith Jarrett (i-team.co.uk); 9= Rudie Marais (Glendene); 9= Rob Fuller (Brighton Mitre); 9= John Saddler (Addiscombe); 9= Mark Scoular (unatt); 9= Stephen Ferris (VC Meudon); 9= Alan Flight (GS Invicta); 9= Ben Pochee (Penzance Wheelers); 9= Tim Beddingfield (awcycles.co.uk); 9= Robin Basford (Ride Beyond); 9= Matt Rugman (Kingsnorth International); 9= Paul Williams (Bath); 9= Graham Wood (Crawley); 9= Chris Moores (unatt); 9= TOM HEMMANT (LONDON DYNAMO); 9= Marcus Brueton (Norwood Paragon); 9= Alex Peterson (awcycles.co.uk); 9= Stuart Grimes (Velocity the Exercise Deck); 9= Tom Smith (Viner Bikes Agisko); 9= David Larcombe (VC Meudon); 9= David Creeggan (VC Meudon); 9= Richard Pearman (Velocity the Exercise Deck); 9= John Tuckett (Oxford University); 9= Neil Hoban (VC Meudon); 9= Daniel James (VC St Raphael); 9= Colin Peerman (unatt); 9= Chris Denman (Beyond MTB); 9= GAVIN RYAN (LONDON DYNAMO); 9= Vince Halpern (awcycles.co.uk); 9= Stephen Hammer (agiskoviner.com); 9= Colin Roshier (Team Quest); 9= Steven Woodbridge (TM Racing); 9= IAN PAINE (LONDON DYNAMO); 9= Paul Pickup (Liphook Cycles); 9= Michael Knight (VC Meudon); 9= Michael Inder (Thames Velo); 9= Lewis Atkins (Glendene); 9= Desmond Gayler (Kenton); 55 Dan McEwan (Kenton); 56 Lee Day (Liphook Cycles); 57 M Harris (agiskoviner.com).

WEDNESDAY, JULY 27- SURREY LEAGUE, DUNSFOLD, E/1/2, 85 MILES: 1 James Holland-Leader (agiskoviner.com) 4.00.00; 2 Rob Hurd (Bioagrilo); 3 Jules Birks (Cycleurope); 4 Benoit Lagorle (Cycleurope); 5 Mark Sussex (Tunbridge Wells); 6 Martin Smith (Team Milton Keynes) +0.10; 7 Christopher Parlett (Tunbridge Wells) +0.18; 8 Ashley Holding (Tunbridge Wells) +1.21; 9 Russell Page (SP Systems/Wightlink); 10 Jamie Higgins (Tunbridge Wells); 11 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO); 12 Stephen Skuse (Kingsnorth International); 13 Nigel Ling (Gemini); 14 Jason Edwards (Tunbridge Wells); 15 Nigel Copeman (Chippenham Wheelers); 16 Simon Saunders (SP Systems/Wightlink) +4.15; 17 Keith Jarrett (i-team.co.uk); 18 Stephen Dring (Stilton); 19 John Glaysher (agiskoviner.com); 20 Mickael Metayer (Fit-For); 21 Matthew Rugman (Kingsnorth International); 22 Gary Moore (Tunbridge Wells); 23 Paul Dring (Stilton RT); 24 Tom Kirk (Team Synergy); 25 Alan Clarke (South Western); 26 Michael Inder (Thames Velo); 27 Tony Kelly (Addiscombe); 28 Niall Digby (Sigma Sport); 29 Bill Butterworth (Twickenham); 30 Gary Kristensen (agiskoviner.com); 31 Sean Brennan (Team Synergy).

SUNDAY, JULY 31 – SERRL, WOODCHURCH, 1/2/3, 80KM: 1 Ashley Holding (Tonbridge/Ewhurst); 2 Edward Whitehorn (Glendene/Biketrax); 3 Chas Hollosi (Gemini); 4 Chris Parlett (Tonbridge/Ewhurst); 5 Mark Williams (Python); 6 Nigel Ling (Gemini); 7 Mark Powell (VC Deal); 8 Jamie Higgins (Tonbridge/Ewhurst) +0.20; 9 Mark Daly (Team Darenth); 10 Julian Clark (VC Deal); 11 John Sharples (unatt); 12 Seth Kay (Poshbikes.com); 13 Owen Challice (Dulwich Paragon); 14 IAN PAINE (LONDON DYNAMO).

TUESDAY, AUGUST 2 – BC WEST THAMES CIRCUIT RACE, HILLINGDON, E/1/2/3, 60KM: 1Tony Gibb (Plowman Craven Associates); 2 C. Roshier (Team Quest); 3 L. Day (Liphook Cycles); 4 R. Painter (Norwood Paragon); 5 M. Wilmot (Team Quest); 6 S. Alexander (Python); 7 R. Stimpson (unatt); 8 J. Ormston (Team Quest); 9 D. Gabellini (Angliasport/Condor); 10 S. HANNEBERRY (LONDON DYNAMO); 11 R. Molinari (Economic Energy); 12 Unidentified; 13 N. Mann (Bath); 14 Unidentified; 15 Unidentified; 16 Unidentified; 17 S. Bild (Sport and Publicity); 18 David Gayler (Kenton); 19 Unidentified; 20 M. Osborn (Team Quest); 21 S. Hime (Sport and Publicity); 22 G Pettit (Hillingdon); 23 M. Northover (Giro); 24 E. Perry (SP Systems); 25 RUSSELL SHORT (LONDON DYNAMO); 26 J. Uphill (Pearson Cycles); 27 R. Freeman (Twickenham); 28 B. Heaslip (Kenton); 29 L. Bone (unatt); 30 T. Morgan (unatt); 31 T. Costick (Hounslow and District Wheelers).

TUESDAY, AUGUST 2 – BC WEST THAMES CIRCUIT RACE, HILLINGDON, 4/W/J, 45KM: 1 Michael Wilmot (Slipstreamers); 2 R. Bailey (RAF); 3 CHRIS SHAW (LONDON DYNAMO); 4 D. O’Brien (Tm Quest); 5 S. Bale (Reading); 6 B. Skinner (Hounslow and District Wheelers); 7 Unidentified; 8 HUGO CANO (LONDON DYNAMO); 9 Unidentified; 10 John Nichols (Thames Velo); 11 M. Walter (London Phoenix); 12 C. Fyfe (i-team.co.uk); 13 Unidentified; 14 P. Cornwall (unatt); 15 M. Stallion (Twickenham); 16 J. Hardy (unatt); 17 K. Sparks (unatt); 18 Nicki Hunt (Economic Energy); 19 P. Deering (unatt).

THE LAST WORD
“I’m grasping it and I’m pulling it and it’s coming out very easily. Beautiful. Nice.”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #67, 12.08.05

CHORE BLIMEY!
We’ve been avoiding it for long enough – but faced with a lull in the season, your favourite housework-shy newsletter had no choice this week but to roll up its sleeves and help Mrs Dynamite give our famous soundproof bunker a much-needed scrub. You should have seen how dirty the ticker tape machine had become, Dyanmates! Now that the dust has finally settled, we can sit down at our freshly-buffed Vic 20 and fulfil our weekly Pledge to reveal how the capital’s spotless cycle squad managed to clean up yet again – even though the amount of fixtures on the racing calendar this week was sparser than the grime in obsessive scrubber GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL’s flat. So come with us now as we polish off the points once more to give the Crystal a sparkle. Here come the Marigolds…

PALACE OF DELIGHT
Grimacing IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE really lived up to his Dyna-moniker on Tuesday as he victoriously crossed the line at the Crystal Palace E/1/2/3 event. The Dyna-masochist got into two failed breaks before launching a thigh-shredding solo attack in the dying stages – and he just about managed to hold off the galloping pack to take 1st with the effort etched on to his race-reddened face. Incredible effort, pal! Compact mechanic SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON didn’t do too badly either, taking the No.2 spot in the 3/4 race while RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON drafted into 3rd – and the ginger Aussie came 6th at another closely-contested bunch sprint at Castle Coombe motor circuit on Sunday. There’s no stopping him!

CORNER DROP
Which is more than can be said for PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN, who was well and truly stopped during a head-on collision this week. Regular readers will remember how the Dynamo race secretary was taken down at Goodwood last Sunday before coming back four days later to win the Hounslow Wheelers’ 10-mile time trial – and in a week with more ups and downs than the Ladies Mile course, he came off again at the Surrey League TT at Staplefield on Saturday. That kind of thing is only meant to happen in massed-start racing! Paul was on his way to 1st place when he went late into a turning due to a confusing signal from a race official, skidded on gravel, kept the bike upright and then looked up to see he had managed to get on the wrong side of the road with an elderly lady driving towards him. Thankfully, both parties hit the brakes and no bones were broken, although Paul landed on his hip which was already bruised at Goodwood. But in a dramatic “stop press” moment, we’ve just received news that he came 1st AGAIN at the Hounslow Wheelers TT in Chertsey with a time of 23mins 38secs last night – and that’s the fastest anyone has done it this year. So make sure you congratulate him when he gets back out on the Parkride!

NO GUY-DING PLACE
Finally, we’ve managed to uncover the identity of the cheeky member who unnerved JAMES HEATH as he slogged his way up the Aubisque during the Etape. He thought he could evade detection, but as we and CHRIS ‘HOSPITAL’ WARD suspected, the cruel quipper who wisecracked “it’s all uphill from here” as he passed James only to pull up with cramp later on was none other than club president GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS. What a surprise! Chairman ‘Mo admitted to DYNAMITE! it was he who James saw getting a massage from a French peasant – and after his calves recovered, the bellowing sergeant major hooked up with a group driven solely by none other than ED ‘THE MAN’ McKINLEY. Guy reveals: “I stayed with them for a few kilometres and then left them behind.” No turns at the front for you then, buster!

POLISHED OFF
We’ve scoured the tub of Dynamatic news to make it gleam from top to bottom – and we’ll be getting out the scrubbing brush again in just seven days. Many thanks for all your contributions – and remember that we are a plastic bucket who would be nothing without you, our Cillit Bang. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘SPRAY AND WIPE’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we put the mop back in the cupboard, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a bog brush.

WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Five laps of the park at race pace.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
SUNDAY, AUGUST 7 – SOUTH CYCLEFEST 2005, CASTLE COOMBE MOTOR CIRCUIT, 3/4/J/W, 43KM: 1 Simon Holt (Merlin Development Squad); 2 Scott Chalmers (Chippenham and District Wheelers); 3 Phil Finnemore (Cheltenham and County); 4 Mark Robinson (John Bikes); 5 Rob Gough (Chippenham and District); 6 RICHARD MASON (LONDON DYNAMO); 7 Steve Jones (Velo Vittesse); 8 Martin Young (Severn); 9 Luke Brashier (Basingstoke); 10 Gavin Lumb (Didcot Phoenix).

TUESDAY, AUGUST 9 – CRYSTAL PALACE LEAGUE #16, CRYSTAL PALACE PARK, E/1/2, 30KM: 1 IAN PAINE (LONDON DYNAMO); 2 Bryan Taylor (VC Londres) +0.15; 3 Brett Perez (agiskoviner.com); 4 Mike Ladbrook (Pearson Cycles); 5 Yves Milliers (Kingston Wheelers); 6 TOM HEMMANT (LONDON DYNAMO); 7 Shannon Durrant (Pearson Cycles); 8 Julian Clarke (VC Deal); 9 David Jones (Dulwich Paragon); 10 TOM DAVIES (LONDON DYNAMO); 11 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO); 12 Matt Seaton (VC Londres); 13 Mick Bell (London Fire Brigade); 14 John Sadler (Addiscombe); 15 Nigel Ling (Gemini); 16 John Scripps (VC Londres).

TUESDAY, AUGUST 9 – CRYSTAL PALACE LEAGUE #16, CRYSTAL PALACE PARK, 3/W/J, 27KM: 1 Kevin Knox (Dulwich Paragon); 2 SAM HUMPHESON (LONDON DYNAMO) +0.20; 3 RICHARD MASON (LONDON DYNAMO); 4 Graham Pearce (Brixton Cycles); 5 Jullian Cunnington (SERC); 6 Brian Randall (Sutton); 7 Max McCalla (VC Londres).

THE LAST WORD
“There are moderate forms of exercise which can be done even in the comfort of your own home. Gardening, walking, cycling, even housework can be done at a pace which makes you breathe a little harder than usual.”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #68, 19.08.05

BIRTHDAY BUOYED
The lengthy editorial meetings held by the DYNAMITE! team produce some brilliant ideas to make Britain’s best Dyna-matic bulletin even better – but like many of the exclusive Cyclefitted machines in NICK ‘BOMBSHELL’ PEACOCK’s garage, they hardly ever see the light of day. One suggestion still sitting on the shelf is a regular slot called It’s Your Birthday which, as you may have already guessed, gives a Dyna-mention to members who are lucky enough to celebrate the day of their birth during the past week. Once we have the information, the piece would practically write itself! Unfortunately, the logistical problems of transferring more than 170 birth dates from the Dynamo supercomputer in race secretary PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN’s Nasa-like technology suite to our steam-age Vic 20 many floors below proved insurmountable – so it’s a victory of sorts for us to announce the birthday of just one Dynamate in this very issue. Step forward IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE! The hard-riding lad celebrated turning 32 on Tuesday with another great result at Crystal Palace – although another big-hitter from the barmy blue, black and orange army taught him there were to be no gifts, even on a day when he could rightfully expect a few presents. So come with us now as we make up for his disappointment by bringing out the iced sponge cake topped with dozens of burning candles. Here comes the first puff…

PAINE SO CLOSE TO PLEASURE
This is becoming a habit! Dynamo has nabbed the No.1 spot at the Crystal Palace E/1/2 race yet again, which makes it the third time in four weeks that the capital’s most consistent cycle squad has won the event. It could have been a quartet of consecutive victories if the club hadn’t been marshalling instead of racing a fortnight ago! Tough guy IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE latched onto the WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE express with 16 laps to go and accurately predicted a Dynamo 1-2 result – but he ended up pitting himself against his own team-mate by attacking up the hill less than 2km from the line. Brave man! True to form, the pony-tailed point-gobbler followed Bernard Hinualt’s motto of “pas de cadeau” and reeled in the birthday boy before winning the sprint by half a length. They put Simoni and Cunego to shame – and their antics put 5th-placed GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL in the shade after he turned up on his brand new titanium Omega! There was no inter-team rivalry in the 3/4 race, which saw SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON selflessly take an early solo flyer which forced the pack to pull him back – and with their opponents duly softened up, grumpy club president GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS was able to take 1st place in the bunch sprint. That should put a smile on his face for once!

THEY HAVANT A CLUE
Eagle-eyed readers who saw the pictures from the Havant GP on London Cycle Sport this week may have spotted IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE among the riders getting a stern ticking off from race officials before Russell Downing went onto win the premier calendar event. In what Ian rightly describes as “a bit of a mess”, police stopped the competition for 10 minutes as competitors had been urinating in the bushes. In a situation like that, it’s difficult to judge who was taking the pee more – the rozzers or the riders! Later on, the Hampshire constabulary excelled themselves by calling a halt again for more than an hour because of line crossing. Ian fumed: “A few riders drifting across the white line doesn’t make a dangerous race. By the time the restarted race hit the hills it was all single file anyway.” What a carry-on!

QUICK RE-CAP
On the subject of pressies, which we mentioned a couple of items ago, a lucky DYNAMITE! reader will receive a prestigious puncture repair kit worth £1.75 if they can come up with the funniest caption to go with the picture of Cyclefit guru PHIL ‘NO-NONSENSE’ CAVELL stuck up a mountain looking the worse for wear. That’s right, humour-loving reader – that hilarious photo we promised you a month ago has finally surfaced on the Dynamo website, so go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/content_pages/2005_archive/ld_newsletter_64.html and Dyna-mail your entry to news@londondynamo.co.uk with “Cap That!” in the subject heading. We know you can do better than our suggestions!

SEAN AND UNSHORN
Something else that’s been a long time coming is news of hairy-legged CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN’s brush with cycling royalty. The King of the Spinners came face-to-face with Sean Yates, the Duke of Discovery, at Newchapel on July 28th – and he told Lance Armstrong’s pal it felt like being in a wind tunnel when he left his protective slipstream during the Surrey League’s midweek 32-mile handicap race. The 2nd-placed directeur sportif responded by telling him to pump up his tyres more. Star-struck Chris, who finished 10th with his chum TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT four places ahead of him, says: “Obviously Sean wasn’t impressed with my 80psi set-up for extreme cornering action.” Those old MTB habits die hard!

GRACE NOTE
Finally, roaming ‘Mo ROBERT GRACE dropped us a quick note to say he took part in a boiling hot 3.7km time trial up a “nasty unrelenting hill” the Saturday before last at Le Vigan, a small town in the Cevennes area of southern France. The intrepid Dynamate was 3rd in the Masters 2 category with a time of 11mins 21secs while his youngest son Nestor was 4th in the under 15s and his eldest Linus won the under 17s competition. Robert says: “The French were not that happy about the foreigners coming in, but we’re Aussies so we had to win something last week!”

BLOWN OUT
Wisps of smoke are drifting up from the candles on the cake and we’re ready to carve ourselves an ample slice which we’ll nibble until our return in seven days’ time. Many thanks for all your contributions – and please remember we are a base layer of marzipan that we would be nothing without you, our creamy filling. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘CUPCAKE’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the knife plunges in, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a thought that counts.

WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Five laps of the park at race pace.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
THURSDAY, JULY 28 – SURREY LEAGUE HANDICAP 13, NEWCHAPEL, E/1/2/3/4/W/J, 32 MILES: 1 Bryan Taylor (VC Londres); 2 Sean Yates (In Gear Quickvit); 3 Mike Hawkins (Norwood Paragon); 4 Steve Calland (Norwood Paragon); 5 Daniel Duguid (Evans Cycles); 6 TOM HEMMANT (LONDON DYNAMO); 7 Ken Prince (Pearson Cycles); 8 Michael Ladbrook (Pearson Cycles); 9 Shannon Durrant (Pearson Cycles); 10 CHRIS CHAPMAN (LONDON DYNAMO); 11 Colin McDermott (Festival); 12 Tony Kelly (Addiscombe); 13 Stephen Cave (34th Nomads); 14 David Palmer (Addiscombe); 15 David Kennett (Fit-For).

SATURDAY, AUGUST 13 – SURREY LEAGUE TIME TRIALS, STAPLEFIELD, E/1/2/3/J/W, 26 miles, 2 up TTT: 1 Christopher Parlett, Christopher McNamara (Tunbridge Wells) 1.01.52; 2 GUY POWDRILL, PAUL CALLINAN (LONDON DYNAMO) 1.03.17; 3 Marlon Moncrieffe (unatt), Jon Masters (Redhill) 1.10.59;

TUESDAY, AUGUST 16 – CRYSTAL PALACE LEAGUE #17, CRYSTAL PALACE PARK, E/1/2, 30KM: 1 Warrick Spence (LONDON DYNAMO); 2 IAN PAINE (LONDON DYNAMO); 3 Brett Perez (agiskoviner.com) +1.10 Yves Milliers (Kingston Wheelers); 5 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO); 6 Shannon Durrant (Pearson Cycles); 7 TOM HEMMANT (LONDON DYNAMO); 8 David Jones (Dulwich Paragon); 9 Julian Clarke (VC Deal); 10 Mr Anne Boorsma (Dulwich Paragon); 11 Mick Bell (London Fire Brigade) +1.25; 12 Scott Bugden (Pearson Cycles).

TUESDAY, AUGUST 16 – CRYSTAL PALACE LEAGUE #17, CRYSTAL PALACE PARK, 3/4, 27KM: 1 GUY ANDREWS (LONDON DYNAMO); 2 Kevin Knox (Dulwich Paragon); 3 Sean McDougall (Dulwich Paragon); 5 Martin Veitch (unatt); 6 Brian Curtis (Corridori); 7 Toks Adesanya (Addiscombe); 8 ANDREW STRANGE (LONDON DYNAMO); 9 Graham Pearce (Brixton Cycles); 10 Craig White (VC Londres); 11 Jeff Tan (Dulwich Paragon).

TUESDAY, AUGUST 16- BC WEST THAMES/TEAM SYNERGY CIRCUIT RACE, HILLINGDON CYCLE CIRCUIT, E/1/2/3, 60KM: 1 Tony Gibb (PCA); 2 Wesley Cole (PCA); 3 Marc Wilmot (Quest); 4 Chris Willmse (PCA); 5 SEAN HANNEBERRY (LONDON DYNAMO); 6 Tom Smith (Viner Bikes); 7 Marc Nothover (Giro).

THE LAST WORD
“We stopped in a town because it was my team-mate Daniel Atienza’s birthday. In Spain it is customary that the individual with the birthday buy treats, usually cookies, for all his friends. So Daniel bought everyone donuts and Coke.”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #69, 26.08.05

MONKEY BUSINESS
When it comes to Dyna-monkeying around, there’s no publication that gets into the swing of things more than your favourite Dyna-matic jungle telegraph – but a certain Covent Garden-based entrepreneur could go ape when he finds out a Dynamate has made a cheeky comparison between an amusing photograph of himself and our simian cousins. We’re chimping at the bit to reveal it to you! The anthropoid antics are all part of our caption competition, so before we bring you news of how TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT got on in Great Milton, let’s crack straight on with that familiar picture of PHIL ‘NO NONSENSE’ CAVELL looking knackered amid surroundings of gorilla-friendly greenery. Here comes a load of total gibbonish…

CAP THAT!
Everyone in the famous DYNAMITE! soundproof bunker was hoping our inaugural competition would be a success – and we’re delighted to say your witticisms haven’t disappointed us. The challenge, as regular readers will remember, was to come up with an amusing caption to accompany the photograph of Cyclefit guru PHIL ‘NO NONSENSE’ CAVELL looking the worse for wear. He was snapped at the top of a mountain – but he certainly wasn’t in peak condition! Borrowing a line “spoken” by a chimp in a vintage PG Tips ad with a Tour de France theme, GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY suggested: “Avez vous un cuppa?” The witty interplay between La Grande Boucle and Cavell’s resemblance to a primate was not lost on the judges and keen Kenneway gained extra points for sending in a shot from the classic ad that underlines the humorous comparison. You can see the pic when this edition is posted up on the “newsletter” link at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk – and despite what we suggested in the above introduction, Phil himself is also likely to have a chuckle because he came up with exactly the same caption a few weeks earlier. The Covent Garden shop owner is not permitted to enter, so the panel has regrettably decided to ditch Gordon’s entry in case the two are in cahoots. Sorry, pal! Meanwhile, the vagrant motif of PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT’s choice – “BIIEEEEEG ISSUE!” – was echoed by DAVID ‘SMILER’ NORRIS, who quipped: “‘Scuse me, guv – you couldn’t spare 20p for a cup of tea, couldja?” Mining a similar vein, JOE ‘CHEEKY BEGGAR’ STEGERS came up with: “Any old titanium, any old titanium, any any any old titanium.” But it was his second try that really got the judges chuckling – and with Mrs Dynamite concurring with the panel’s choice, it is our pleasure to announce that Joe has earned himself a puncture repair kit worth a princely £1.75 thanks to this little gem: “Unfortunately, only six dwarves were able to finish the Disney team time trial.” That’s our winner! The final word, however, must go to MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARATT who dispensed with the pithy caption format to send in a truly bizarre yet curiously engaging epic which is here in full: “Japanese submarine slammed two torpedoes into her side, Chief. We was comin’ back from the island of Tinian to Leyte. We’d just delivered the bomb. The Hiroshima bomb. Eleven hundred men went into the water. Vessel went down in 12 minutes. Didn’t see the first shark for about a half-hour. Tiger. 13-footer. You know how you know that in the water, Chief? You can tell by lookin’ from the dorsal to the tail. What we didn’t know, was that our bomb mission was so secret, no distress signal had been sent. They didn’t even list us overdue for a week. Very first light, Chief, sharks come cruisin’ by, so we formed ourselves into tight groups. It was sorta like you see in the calendars, you know the infantry squares in the old calendars like the Battle of Waterloo and the idea was the shark come to the nearest man, that man he starts poundin’ and hollerin’ and sometimes that shark he go away… but sometimes he wouldn’t go away. Sometimes that shark looks right at ya. Right into your eyes. And the thing about a shark is he’s got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll’s eyes. When he comes at ya, he doesn’t even seem to be livin’… ’til he bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then… ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin’. The ocean turns red, and despite all your poundin’ and your hollerin’ those sharks come in and… they rip you to pieces. You know by the end of that first dawn, lost a hundred men. I don’t know how many sharks there were, maybe a thousand. I do know how many men, they averaged six an hour. Thursday mornin’, Chief, I bumped into a friend of mine, Herbie Robinson from Cleveland. Baseball player. Boson’s mate. I thought he was asleep. I reached over to wake him up. He bobbed up, down in the water, he was like a kinda top. Upended. Well, he’d been bitten in half below the waist. At noon on the fifth day, a Lockheed Ventura swung in low and he spotted us, a young pilot, lot younger than Mr. Hooper here, anyway he spotted us and a few hours later a big ol’ fat PBY come down and started to pick us up. You know that was the time I was most frightened. Waitin’ for my turn. I’ll never put on a lifejacket again. So, eleven hundred men went into the water. 316 men come out, the sharks took the rest, June the 29th, 1945. Anyway, we delivered the bomb.” After getting through that, we feel as old as Phil looks!

A RIDE OLD STATE
On a more serious note, the Dyna-management is keen to remind everyone to go safely on the Parkride following the club’s most unfortunate Saturday for many months. A touch of wheels early on in the third group resulted in a snapped frame plus a few cuts, so please remember to ride predictably, keep to your line, and refrain from disrupting the pace by revving off the front. That’s the lecture over! In an unrelated incident, the impatient driver of a black Vauxhall brought down JONATHAN STACEY – but thankfully he managed to escape relatively unscathed. Let’s hope the cops get him, buddy!

NO DUC-ING OUT
Finally, we’re on to the racing! Gutsy TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT put in a determined effort at the John and Duccie Walker E/1/2/3 race in Great Milton on Sunday which proved he isn’t willing to go easy during the final few weeks of the season. The feisty elite got in a break of five within ten minutes of the gun, only to be reeled in an hour later – but he managed to stay in the front group of 15 or so riders after the bunch split on the final lap and he took 8th in the relatively flat finish. Nice one! And GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL didn’t care that he was out of the running for a place – he simply won the sprint in the second group for the sheer hell of it. That’s the spirit! At roughly the same time, JUSTIN ‘GO GET HIM’ SIMS took 4th in the bunch sprint at Goodwood, giving him 7th overall in the 80km 3rd cat contest without any help from a single Dynamate. Why was he the lone ‘Mo? Because almost all of his category 3 chums were finishing somewhere in the bunch at the 3rds and 4ths race in Great Milton! Astute ANDREW STRONGE, who was one of the riders swamped in the 70-strong gallop for the line, used the event as a warm up for this year’s final Crystal Palace meet on Tuesday which saw him come 6th in the 3/4 race behind 2nd-placed SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON. The Hampton Wick worker’s former colleague WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE finished 2nd behind Bryan Taylor in the E/1/2 competition – and thanks to a successful season, compact mechanic Sam will be joining the pony-tailed point-gobbler in the same race next year. We bet he can’t wait!

IT’S GONE FURRY ‘NUFF
We’re all marmoset to go, which means it’s time to thank you once again for all your contributions and to remind you we’ll be back for more primate playfulness in just seven days. Until then, please remember that we are a furry little lemur who would be nothing without you, our silver-backed gorilla. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘RHESUS’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we swing off on a vine, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and your natural habitat.

WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Five laps of the park at race pace.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
THURSDAY, AUGUST 11 – PROPERTY LETTING AGENCY SERIES 17, MILTON KEYNES BOWL, 3/4/W/J, 52KM: 1 Nicholas Jones (Team Keyne); 2 Jon Wager (unatt); 3 GUY ANDREWS (LONDON DYNAMO); 4 Owen Davies (Team Keyne); 5 Tyrone Morgan (unatt); 6 Peter Milligan (Bicester Millennium); 7 Carl Bullingham (Giro); 8 Alistair Brown (unatt); 9 Jake Elston (Ashwell); 10 Boris Mueller (unatt).

SUNDAY, AUGUST 21 – JOHN AND DUCCIE WALKER ROAD RACES, GREAT MILTON, E/1/2/3, 120KM: 1 Rob Hurd (Bioagrico-Fabelec Selexion) 2 Roy Chamberlain (Team Milton Keynes); 3 Paul Crook (Angliasport); 4 Simon Lawn (Sigma Sport); 5 Paul Wilkes (Team Bradgate); 6 Gary Baker (Angliasport); 7 Ben Price (Stilton); 8 TOM HEMMANT (LONDON DYNAMO); 9 Joe Bayfield (AW Cycles); 10 Steve Gibson (Bannatyne CRT); 11 Simon Henley (Team Milton Keynes); 12 William Smythe (Liverpool URT).

SUNDAY, AUGUST 21 – SURREY LEAGUE, GOODWOOD MOTOR CIRCUIT, 3/W/J 80KM: 1 Tarik Djeddour (Kingston Wheelers); 2 Terence Batsford (VC Meudon); 3 Mark Fitzgerald (unatt); 4 Stuart Dood (Team Tor 2000); 5 Gly Ostler (TM Racing); 6 Duncan Amory (Gemini); 7 JUSTIN SIMS (LONDON DYNAMO); 8 Chester Hill (TM Racing); 9 Andrew Daniels (Twickenham); 10 Martin Barker (i-team.co.uk); 11 Richard Groves (TM Racing); 12 Andy Jones (i-team.co.uk).

TUESDAY, AUGUST 23 – CRYSTAL PALACE LEAGUE #18, CRYSTAL PALACE PARK, E/1/2, 30KM: 1 Bryan Taylor (VC Londres); 2 WARRICK SPENCE (LONDON DYNAMO); 3 Julian Clarke (VC Deal); 4 John Sadler (Addiscombe); 5 Scott Bugden (Pearson Cycles) +10secs; 6 Dan Rudd (Edwardes Cycles) +15 secs; 7 Mick Bell (London Fire Brigade); 8 Oscar Challis (Dulwich Paragon); 9 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO); 10 David Jones (Dulwich Paragon); 11 Mr Anne Boorsma (Dulwich Paragon); 12 GUY ANDREWS (LONDON DYNAMO) +1 lap; 12 STUART SPIES (LONDON DYNAMO).

TUESDAY, AUGUST 23 – CRYSTAL PALACE LEAGUE #18, CRYSTAL PALACE PARK, 3/4/W/J, 27KM: 1 Brian Curtis (Corridori); 2 SAM HUMPHESON (LONDON DYNAMO) +10secs; 3 Daneiella Santoni (Lee Valley); 4 Max McCalla (VC Londres); 5 Brian Randall (Sutton); 6 ANDREW STRONGE (LONDON DYNAMO).

THE LAST WORD
“Good tea unites good company, exhilarates the spirits, opens the heart, banishes restraint from conversation and promotes the happiest purposes of social intercourse.”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #70, 02.09.05

FLANDERS’ YIELD
It’s the country synonymous with tough riders and luxury chocolates – so it’s fitting that a hard Dynamo with a soft centre should hop aboard a Eurostar to show those feisty Flandrians the incredible might of the ‘Mo. That’s right, Merckx-loving reader – daring elite TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT found out what it’s really like mixing it up with some proper big boys when he went to Belgium this week with fellow south-east riders Matt Talbot and Henry Furniss. It wasn’t pretty, but the diligent accountant was pleased to discover a princely profit of nine euros when he looked at his balance sheet for entry fees and prize money. In his line of work, there are plenty of ways to keep that tidy little sum from the taxman! This edition of your favourite Dyna-matic update also features news of five Dynamates’ impressive performances at the Surrey League three-day and an update on the aftermath of the recent Parkride spills – but let’s start by raising a glass to a country where they really know how to put on a race. Here comes a foaming tankard of Duvel…

BLONDE AMBITION
He’s a snip above the rest in the Surrey League – but not even Glyn Durrant’s distinctive ‘do could prepare TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT for the multitude of mullets, many of them bleached blonde, that awaited him as he set out to achieve his ambition of racing in Belgium. And the races were pretty hair-raising as well! Dynamo’s quiet man turned up on the starting line in what he describes as “a small village with a strange name to the east of Brussels” on Saturday and witnessed full-on attacks from the front which set the savage pace. He reveals: “Once a rider is pulled back they just repeat over and over until the bunch splits.” Nasty stuff! Tactical Tom pulled out at the 90km mark after missing a break, thereby saving his legs for the following day’s racing which saw him take 13th, even though he briefly created a gap by taking an alternative means to negotiate a roundabout. His final race on Monday ended in 15 minutes because “the legs were done in and the head was even worse”, so Tom sat in the glorious sunshine enjoying a cloudy beer while watching the others suffer. That must have been tough, pal! Despite his two DNFs, the former Solna Avenue resident was pleased not to be totally outclassed – and he reveals: “It’s very cool racing there. Even for a ‘chipper’ race they use a PA, close the roads, put up barriers for the finish and pull in reasonable crowds. There might have to be some Dynamo trips next season.” Dyna-masochists, form an orderly queue!

THREE IS THE MAGIC NUMBER
Meanwhile, over in Surrey, Bank Holiday big-hitters GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS, MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT, SEAN ‘HANDY’ HANNEBERRY, RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT and MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON made sure Dynamo got at least one rider in the top ten of each stage in the Cycles Dauphin three-day – a feat unmatched by any other club in this year’s race. Well done, fellas! Williamson the Weybridge wonder was one of the few who chose to use tri-bars for the opening 1.8 mile time trial up Box Hill – and the tactic bagged him 2nd place, a mere nine seconds behind Pearson Cycles’ Michael Ladbrook. The rest of the weekend was a bit of a rollercoaster for the Dynamo hunk – a puncture on stage two forced him to chase the pack unsuccessfully for three laps of the Dunsfold circuit before coming a blistering 3rd at the 11-mile Ewhurst time trial and crashing out in the final 60-mile stage. Martin Garratt, who bent two Ksyrium spokes in the same smash, said of his namesake: “How much more bad luck can a guy have?” Fortune, however, was smiling on Rusty in stage two when he finished 8th, giving the tenacious tiddler enough points to hold on to his 2nd cat licence. Mission accomplished! True to form, club president Guy had a tantrum during the same stage when the successful late break went off without any Dynamates in it – but Chairman ‘Mo changed his tune when he witnessed Sean see off the rest of the bunch to claim 7th place. Guy exclaims: “That boy can sprint!” Tenth-placed Martin Garratt completed the hat-trick of Dynamos in the top ten on the Dunsfold results sheet, making stage two their most successful showing in the race. But the weekend turned out to be Guy’s Dyna-moment of glory – losing only 22secs in the opening TT, climbing the general classification at the stage three time trial, where he was cheered on by the passing Dynamo Surrey Hills riders, and finishing 6th in the final road stage at Ewhurst was enough to give him 7th place overall. If that doesn’t put a smile on his face, nothing will!

SHARP SHOOTER
With Guy turning his attention to road racing, it’s been left to another Dynamo board member to sprinkle a little Dyna-magic on the world of time trialling. Race secretary PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN came 5th in the Cliff Sharp 25 on Sunday 20th with a time of 0.57.22. We’ll let you know if he got his revenge on winner Jamie Dear at their rematch this week when the Kingston killer lets us know! On the same day Paul clamped on his tri-bars, Dynamettes ZOE ARTHUR and TANYA PERETT completed Ironman UK in 14hrs 29mins 56secs, with the hilly bike section taking them 7.5 hours alone. Tanya reveals: “We’re feeling very proud, albeit a little stiff, and we’ll be back joining the weekend rides soon.” We look forward to seeing you again, ladies!

PARK STRIFE
Finally, JOHN O’CONNELL has dropped off a quick update on the injuries he sustained during his recent touch of wheels on the Parkride. It seems we were a little premature in stating the spill only caused a few cuts and bruises because Kingston hospital’s X-ray department has revealed John has a hairline fracture in his elbow – but the doctor has given him the all clear to start riding again. He asks everyone to “stay safe” and adds: “When that little voice in your head tells you that it’s too dangerous, it probably is!”

MUSSELING OUT
The last banger has been polished off the plate and we hope you’ve had a s-mash-ing time. Many thanks for all your contributions – but please remember we are a bottle of white wine whose sole purpose is to marinade you, our pot of tasty mussels. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘BRUGES’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we ask for the bill, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a Roubaix cobble.

WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Five laps of the park at race pace.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
FRIDAY, AUGUST 26 – SUNDAY, AUGUST 28 – CYCLES DAUPHIN SURREY LEAGUE ARMY CU 3 DAY, FINAL GENERAL CLASSIFICATION: 1 Colin McDermott (Festival) 5:53:50; 2 Jaco Ehlers (De Rosa) +0:00:49; 3 Daniel James (VC St Raphael) +0:00:49; 4 Gavin Morton (Charlotteville) +0:01:27; 5 David Kennett (Fit-For) +0:01:38; 6 Christopher Barr (Army CU) +0:01:43; 7 GUY ANDREWS (LONDON DYNAMO) +0:01:46; 8 Ian O’Hara (Sydenham Wheelers) +0:02:02; 9 Michael Ladbrook (Pearson Cycles) +0:02:22; 10 Nicholas Dawes (Farnborough and Camberley) +0:02:31; 11 Philip Watkins (Addiscombe) +0:02:41; 12 Russell Shingles (In Gear Quickvit) +0:02:42; 13 Pete Connelly (VC Meudon) +0:02:45; 14 Richard Pearman (Velocity the Exercise Deck) +0:02:46; 15 David Larcombe (VC Meudon) +0:02:58; 16 Mickael Metayer (Fit-For) +0:03:08; 17 Chester Hill (TM Racing) +0:03:11; 18 Julian Bray (London Phoenix) +0:03:17; 19 Shannon Durrant (Pearson Cycles) +0:03:19; 20 Graham Wood (Crawley) +0:03:24; 21 MARTIN GARRATT (LONDON DYNAMO) +0:03:48; 22 Graham Wyatt (Velocity the Exercise Deck) +0:04:02; 23 Robert Fallon (Fit-For) +0:04:04; 24 Giles Bowell (Twickenham) +0:04:12; 25 Chris Howard (Southborough and District) +0:04:45; 26 SEAN HANNEBERRY (LONDON DYNAMO) +0:04:47; 27 Jonathan Marchini (Oxford University) +0:04:56; 28 RUSSELL SHORT (LONDON DYNAMO) +0:05:12; 29 Neil Linford-Relph (VC Meudon) +0:05:28; 30 Daron Gardner (Basingstoke) +0:05:42; 31 Cyan Collier (Oxford City) +0:05:52; 32 Kevin Blann (Velocity the Exercise Deck) +0:06:41; 33 George Lagvillo (Twickenham) +0:07:00; 34 Andrew Norfolk (agiskoviner.com) +0:08:15; 35 Chris Wallis (TM Racing) +0:18:08; 36 Matthew Rugman (Kingsnorth International) +0:19:16; 37 Kevin Davey (Pacific Racing) +0:22:03; 38 Jon Masters (Redhill) +0:28:55; 39 Peter Williams (Army CU) +0:33:14; 40 Hannah Bussey (VC Meudon) +0:37:41.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 27 – BC WEST THAMES/HEMEL HEMPSTEAD CC CIRCUITS, HILLINGDON CYCLE CIRCUIT, E/1/2/3, 60KM: 1 Paul Crook (Anglia Sport/Condor) 1:30.45; 2 P. Pickup (Liphook Cycles); 3 C. Roshier (Team Quest) +3secs; 4 T. Neave (Liphook Cycles) +5secs; 5 J. Hoy (Evans Cycles) +43secs; 6 R. Painter (Norwood Paragon); 7 S. Hammer (Agisko Viner) +54secs; 8 V. Halpern (AW Cycles); 9 S. Lawn (Sigma Sport); 10 M. Docker (PCA/Ciclos Uno); 11 J. Fletcher (Economic Energy); 12 J. Ormston (Team Quest); 13 D. Walters (Ajchua Limoux); 14 Unidentified; 15 N. Hastler (Essex Roads); 16 GAVIN RYAN (LONDON DYNAMO); 17 R. Morgan (Stilton); 18 B. Stone (Oxford University); 19 R. Jerome (Willesden); 20 P. Stedman (Reading); 21 S. Golla (High Wycombe); 22 ANDREW STRONGE (LONDON DYNAMO); 23 CHRIS CAMPBELL (LONDON DYNAMO); 24 T. Klassen (Kingston Wheelers); 25 Unidentified; 26 Unidentified; 27 A. McInnnes (RAF); 28 M. Ketterer (Team Quest); 29 M. Holt (Cambridge University); 30 R. Garlinge (Team Quest); 31 P. Clarke (unatt); 32 M. Anderson (agiskoviner.com); 33 C. Denman (Beyond Mountain Bikes); 34 K. Lambourn (Whitewebbs); 35 A. Bojarski (Hemel Hempstead); 36 L. Terry (agiskoviner.com).

SATURDAY, AUGUST 27 – BC WEST THAMES/HEMEL HEMPSTEAD CC CIRCUITS, HILLINGDON CYCLE CIRCUIT, 4/W/J, 45KM: 1 Russell Cross (TM Racing); 2 CHRIS SHAW (LONDON DYNAMO); 3 B. Lowe (Twickenham); 4 A. Moore (TM Racing); 5 P. Moulton (unatt); 6 K. Blythe (GS Strada); 7 BILL GILBERT (LONDON DYNAMO); 8 Unidentified; 9 S. Parker (Tri & Run); 10 S. Potts (TM Racing).

MONDAY, AUGUST 29 – SOUTHEND WHEELERS CRITS, EASTWAY, E/1/2/3/4, 56KM: 1 Simon Cope (Pacific RT) 1:24:20.5; 2 Dean Shannon (Southend Wheelers) 1:24:20.5; 3 Lee Day (Liphook Cycles) 1:24:20.7; 4 James Cocker (Finsbury Park) 1:24:20.8; 5 Matt Seaton (VC Londres) 1:24:21.9; 6 Matt Smith (Gemini) 1:24:24.0; 7 Paul Mill (Team Edwards) 1:24:25.0; 8 22 Andrew Meilak (Posh Bikes.com) 1:25:08.3; 9 Joe Fletcher (Team Economic Energy) 1:25:08.5; 10 Nick Hastler (Essex Roads) 1:25:08.9; 11 Aldous Shaun (Interbike) 1:25:20.7; 12 Martin Meades (API) 1:25:21; 13 Stuart Heade (1:25:39.5); 14 Gary Kristensen (agiskoviner.com) 1:25:39.9; 15 Steven Griffiths (Interbike) 1:25:40.0; 16 Steve Hammer (agiskoviner.com) 1:25:40.6; 17 Anibal Savash (Victoria) 1:25:40.8; 18 Des Gayler Des (Kenton); 1:25:41.1; 19 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO) 1:25:41.1; 20 Robin Basford (Ride Beyond) 1:25:41.4; 21 Mark Waller (Southend Wheelers) 1:25:41.5; 22 Chris Farrell (unatt) 1:25:41.6; 23 Dan Fentiman (Tri and run) 1:25:41.6; 24 Oscar Challis (Dulwich Paragon) 1:25:41.8; 25 Simon Hazeldine (Addiscombe) 1:25:42.0; 26 Simon Bild (Sport and Publicity) 1:25:42.1; 27 TOM DAVIES (LONDON DYNAMO) 1:25:42.4; 28 Peter Elmes (Gemini) 1:25:43.2; 29 6 Martin McCrossan (Trackcycling.co.uk) 1:25:43.7; 30 Ben Davey (Blue Sky Cycles) 1:25:44.5; 31 Andy McPherson (Liphook Cycles) 1:25:45.4; 32 Mike Gardener (Glendene) 1:25:53.0; 33 Chris Negus (Shaftesbury) 1:25:59.2; 34 Phil Hetzel (Ipswich) 1:26:03.1.

MONDAY, AUGUST 29 – SOUTHEND WHEELERS CRITS, EASTWAY, 3/4/W/J 52KM: 1 Simon Bateson (Elite) 1:19:23.7; 2 Kevin Barker (PCA/Ciclos Uno) 1:19:58.0; 3 RICHARD MASON (LONDON DYNAMO) 1:19:59.2; 4 Roger Molinari (Economic Energy) 1:19:59.3; 5 Gerard Tighe (Finsbury Park) 1:19:59.5; 6 Jay Hunter (Interbike) 1:19:59.6; 7 Farrow Richard West Suffolk Whlrs 1:20:01.1; 8 Kim Blythe (Gs Strada) 1:20:03.0; 9 Carl McDonagh (Brixton Cycles) 1:20:03.4; 10 Allister Tulett (Edwards) 1:20:03.6; 11 Mark Walter (London Phoenix) 1:20:03.7; 12 David Gayler (Kenton) 1:20:03.9; 13 Tom Burke (Dulwich Paragon) 1:20:04.1; 14 Jonathan Maher (Sigma Sport) 1:20:04.4; 15 Alan Hill (Gemini) 1:20:04.9.

THE LAST WORD
“A yellow jersey was bought in the first shop we came to. It was just the right size, although we had to cut a slightly larger hole for my head to go through.”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #71, 09.09.05

DOUBLE THE FUN
Performing brilliantly at the tail end of the season when other teams are beginning to flag is twice as nice – and with the capital’s most tireless club entering more than two times its usual number of events this weekend, the pressure was really on to deliver Dyna-more great placings. But you lot made DYNAMITE! doubly delighted when we saw the great results spewing out of our famous ticker tape machine on Monday morning. Now that’s what we call an awesome sight! Strong showings at Eastway, Rusper, Harrogate and even a knobbly-tyred outing in Bracknell proved once again that Dynamo has some impressive individuals in its midst – but bizarrely, it also had a mysterious doppelganger lurking beneath the shadow of Parliament. We also have some exciting news about that long-awaited kit order – but come with us now as we begin by reflecting on what went on at the prestigious Westminster crit. Here comes a startling mirror image…

KEEP ‘EM IN CHICK
It had to happen sometime, Dynamates! After many years of dangling beneath his helmet and providing his trailing rivals with a carrot they struggled to reach, WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE’s ponytail has finally dropped to the barber shop floor. Let’s hope long-haired hero ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY doesn’t follow hirsute! Thankfully, the Cyclefit sensation hasn’t suffered any Samson-like sapping of his strength, which he proved by taking 2nd at the ESL 30th anniversary race at Eastway on Saturday before finishing 4th among the 200-strong field in the Bob Chicken London Grand Prix the very next day. While chewing the fat with the crafty Kiwi at his WC2 HQ, DYNAMITE! learned that he kept his opponents in check at the incredibly fast race by getting a mysterious ‘Mo to attack after the bike fitter fell back from the head of the field to around 30th place. Without his distinctive mane to mark him out, the confused race leaders thought the daring doppelganger was actually the bespectacled boy wonder himself and duly got on the unknown Dynamo’s wheel, giving short-haired Warrick the opportunity to return to the front. They shorn won’t make that mistake again! Sadly, the Covent Garden go-getter didn’t find out the name of that Dyna-mystery man – but we can safely rule out fellow Westminster critters NICK ‘BOMBSHELL’ PEACOCK, GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL, RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT and STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES as none of them ride a black and red Specialized. Drop us a line at news@londondynamo.co.uk if you know who this guy is or if you are the sneaky fella himself. We’re itching to find out!

GINGER WINNER
Talking of Kiwis, DYNAMITE! was delighted to hear that Warrick’s countryman RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON achieved his goal of the season in a 189km 3/4 stage race at the weekend. The ginger New Zealander – and we are pleased to point out he isn’t from Australia as this periodical previously suggested – won his sought-after 2nd cat licence thanks to an impressive performance at the Yorks Otley CC/Airedale Olympic Two Day event, which consisted of a 9km time trial starting on a one-in-five climb and two 80km road stages. Testing stuff! Richard, who was 9th in the opening stage, 4th on the final one and 10th overall, says of the Harrogate terrain: “Hilly doesn’t even come close to describing it.” We bet it doesn’t, buddy! Meanwhile, over in Rusper, comeback kid DAVID ‘STRINGY’ STREULE didn’t let his two months out of racing stop him taking the No.3 spot in a bunch sprint at the Surrey League 3rd cat race. You’re putting us all to shame, pal!

BRACK WITH A VENGEANCE
He’s had his fair share of success on slicks – but CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN made a superb return to his off-road roots on Sunday for the 5th race in the Southern XC MTB series which took place in Bracknell. The King of the Spinners, who came 10th in the sport category after negotiating lots of jumps and twisty singletrack, admits: “It was hard. I fell off three times – nothing major but after the third time I had to laugh at my lack of skill.” Undeterred, Chris has vowed to do a hillier race on knobbly tyres in a few weeks. That’s the spirit! In other non-road news, jet-setter DOMINIC ‘I WANT IT ALL’ PAUL took time out from his globetrotting schedule to let us know he came 6th overall at the Geneva International Triathlon before stuffing his face with fondues – and he reveals that LUCY ‘DEMURE’ DOVE has been living up to her Dyna-moniker by declining to mention she was 11th woman in the European Triathlon in Lausanne a couple of weeks ago. You kept that one quiet, luv!

NEW KIT IN TOWN SOON
Finally, DYNAMITE! is delighted to announce that the Dynamo boardroom has been a flurry of activity over the past seven days as the club’s high-powered executives complete arrangements for a consignment of brand spanking new kit. That’s right, fashion-loving reader – following months of frustration, Dynamo’s leaders have decided to ditch their current supplier and go with another firm to bring you the most sought-after outfits this side of Roehampton Gate. In a major break with tradition, each member will have to pre-order and pay via the Dynamo website to make sure they get their gear. A letter with more details will be heading your way soon. Bet you can’t wait!

COPY OUT
Hopefully, we’ve managed to duplicate some of the excitement of the past seven days in this missive – and it’s all thanks to your contributions. Always remember we are a shoddy facsimile and we would be nothing without you, our perfect likeness. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘DEAD RINGER’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we prepare a carbon copy of this week’s jokes for our next edition, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a lookalike.

WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Five laps of the park at race pace.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 3 – WEST THAMES/POLYTECHNIC CC CIRCUIT RACE, HILLINGDON CYCLE CIRCUIT E/1/2/3, 60KM: 1 Nigel Williams (Python RT) 1:31:28; 2 V Halpern (AW Cycles) +2secs; 3 G Bowditch (Ritchey Cycleops) +4secs; 4 H Furniss (Ride Beyond); 5 R Painter (Norwood Paragon); 6 D Davies (AgiskoViner) +50secs; 7 P ATKINSON (LONDON DYNAMO); 8 J Ormston (Team Quest); 9 R Rowles (Mission Racing); 10 M Holt (Cambridge University) +54secs.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 3 – WEST THAMES/POLYTECHNIC CC CIRCUIT RACE, HILLINGDON CYCLE CIRCUIT, 4/W/J: 1 Phil O’Leary (Icknield); 2 CHRIS SHAW (LONDON DYNAMO); 3 I Lowe (Thames Velo); 4 A Broadbent (Thames Velo); 5 J Norris (High Wycombe); 6 D Kennedy (Hounslow and District Wheelers); 7 S Potts (TM Racing); 8 unidentified; 9 unidentified; 10 B PLOWMAN (LONDON DYNAMO).

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 3 – ESL EASTWAYS 30TH ANNIVERSARY, EASTWAY CYCLE CIRCUIT, E/1/2, 51KM: 1 Gary Baker (Angliasport) 1:10:21; 2 WARRICK SPENCE (LONDON DYNAMO); 3 Paul Pickup (Liphook Cycles); 4 Matt Talbot (Glendene/Biketrax); 5 Andy Lyons (Stilton) 6 Ben Price (Stilton) 1:10:24; 7 Dean (Shannon Southend Wheelers); 8 Tony Gibb (PCA); 9 Brett Perez (agiskoviner.com); 10 Daniel Rudd (Team Edwardes).

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 4 – BOB CHICKEN LONDON GRAND PRIX, WESTMINSTER, E/1/2/3, 50KM: 1 Ian Holt (Viner Bikes Agisko); 2 James Taylor (sportscoaching.com); 3 Tony Gibb (PCA); 4 WARRICK SPENCE (LONDON DYNAMO); 5 Bryan Taylor (VC Londres); 6 George Richardson (Ritchey Cycleops); 7 Grant Bayton (Angliasport); 8 Simon Cope (Pacific); 9 Jonathan Dayus (Arctic Shorter Rochford); 10 Matt Holmes (Arctic Shorter Rochford); 11 Simon Bild (Sport and Publicity); 12 Nic Tilling (Angliasport); 13 Daniel Davies (Agiskoviner.com); 14 Brett Perez (agiskoviner.com); 15 Domonic Gabbelini (Angliasport); 16 Adam Blythe (Pinnarello); 17 Ben Luckwell (Team Maestro); 18 Matt Blythe (Newport); 19 James Millard (Bouwelsa Wielervriended); 20 Jaco Ehlers (De Rosa).

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 4 – SURREY LEAGUE, RUSPER, 3/J/W, 56 MILES: 1 Chris Wallis (TM Racing) 2 David Roberts (Crawley); 3 DAVID STREULE (LONDON DYNAMO); 4 Nick Young (Southborough and District); 5 Jo Corbett (TM Racing); 6 Tom Copeland (VC Eastbourne); 7 Marek Siwicki (Addiscombe); 8 Andrew Seltzer (East Grinstead); 9 Andy Taylor (Crawley Wheelers); 10 Keith Boniface (34th Nomads); 11 ROB JEFFROY (LONDON DYNAMO); 12 Jon Masters (Redhill) 13 CHRIS CAMPBELL (LONDON DYNAMO); 14 Nick Haskins (unatt); 15 Douglas Fox (Crawley Wheelers); 16 James McManus (Gemini); 17 Paul Gosling (Brighton Excelsior); 18 Jonathan Donald (Brixton); 19 David Watkinson (Red Kite); 20 Richard Barrowclough (Team Sport and Publicity); 21 Lindsey Ruocco (VC Meudon); 22 DAVID NORRIS (LONDON DYNAMO); 23 Duncan Murdoch (Redhill); 24 John Leitch (Festival); 25 James Hopkins (Redhill).

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 4 – SOUTHERN XC MTB SERIES, RACE 5, SPORT MEN: 1 Mark Russell (Team Torq Bar/Wheelies); 2 Carl Harris (Halfords/Bikehut); 3 Gerald Tudor (Robin Cycles/West Drayton); 4 Mike Moleschi (Hardcore Racing); 5 Tim Smith (Beyond Mountain Bikes/West Drayton); 6 Jay McStay (Twickenham); 7 Daniel Eastment (Ham Hill Billies); 8 Mattias Kunz; 9 Matthew Wex (Army CU); 10 CHRIS CHAPMAN (LONDON DYNAMO).

THE LAST WORD
“Dressed somewhere between hillbillies and aerobics instructors, high on fresh air and the out-of-doors, we laugh, eat, get wet, fix tires, sleep on hard ground, and hurt together, all just alike.”