The DYNAMITE! Files

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #151, 20.07.07
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, light rain, 16C max,
wind NW 6mph; Sun, light showers, 17C max, wind W 10mph +++
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IT’S PAUL GONE WRONG
+++ Unbelievably, a sports commentator has given up his catchphrase +++
Since the Tour rolled into town, the editorial team has been glued to the race coverage on ITV4, not least because we’ve been waiting a whole year to hear the unique vocal stylings of the one and only Paul Sherwen. The man who coined the immortal phrases “glass-cranking it” and “digging deeply in the suitcase of courage” to express cycling’s two extremes of effort will forever be associated with a certain adjective, emphatically exclaimed as if it were two separate words whenever something reasonably interesting happens. So you can imagine our nightly disappointment when we turn on the box expecting that excitable expression to be as prominent as the ubiquitous plugs for Chris Boardman’s new range of bikes, only to be fobbed off with the far inferior descriptions of “incredible”, “amazing” and (completely inaccurately, given that he’s invariably referring to something that has actually happened) “impossible”. It is, as the great man has chosen not to say, UN-BELIEVABLE! Whatever the reason for the verbal embargo, it’s certain that Phil Liggett’s linguistic lieutenant would have wheeled out his favourite word once again if he had read about the Dyna-misery at the Etape, which saw charity fundraiser DAVID ‘PINKY’ GARDNER threaten to give up, ANDY COOKE suffer a nasty crash as a result of a blow-out, and the melting tarmac almost bringing ALEX ‘LAD POOPED’ MURRAY’s fork to a sticky end. You can read all about Monday’s 122-mile adventure from Foix to Loudenville on the forum… http://tinyurl.com/24g46q …but for now, let’s turn our attention to a number of notable Dyna-minnows who, like Liggett’s co-commentator, are
often overshadowed by their more renowned counterparts. It’s time to turn up the volume on the microphone…

FANTASTIC FOURTHS
+++ Hoult and Davis lead the charge +++
Any ‘Mo who begins their Dyna-mail with gratuitous flattery is likely to get top billing in Britain’s vainest Dynamatic publication – but RICHARD HOULT, who is apparently enjoying this periodical’s “literary genius”, nevertheless deserves to feature in our lead item after becoming the only 4th cat to finish in the points at last month’s 2/3/4 Economic Energy race in Roxwell, Essex. Assailed by wind and rain, the former UBS rider clawed his way to the break which was then swallowed up within two miles from the
line, leaving him with no choice but to brave the bunch sprint on the inclined finish to take 15th… http://tinyurl.com/3xz35t. Great stuff – and the 71-mile regional A event was only his second-ever road race! Rich graduated to 3rd cat on Sunday by placing 10th at the 2/3/4 Sotonia 40th Anniversary Road Race in Owslebury, Hants, which also saw RICHARD ‘BOY RACER’ DOLBY take 8th and HUW ‘AITCH’ WATKINS nab 9th… http://tinyurl.com/2lyvgj …after the pack was decimated in its unsuccessful attempt to chase down a two-man break. Over in Buckinghamshire the previous afternoon, Hoult’s fellow 4th cat ANDREW ‘DIDDY’ DAVIS claimed his first-ever BCF points by finishing 6th at the 32-mile Oakley RR… http://tinyurl.com/2lmuzt. Andrew muses: “My weekly humiliation at Crystal Palace must be doing me some good!” And the delayed results for last week’s Hillingdon races have revealed that ANGUS ‘PADDLER’ MACALISTER wasn’t the only ‘Mo to place in the 4ths race, as self-styled “old git” ROBIN ‘OSSIE’ OSBORNE appears to have lost his points virginity at the tender age of 50 by coming 10th… http://tinyurl.com/36hvna. What a nice way to start your debut season!

MONTY ON THE BOX
+++ Kiwi features in sportive coverage +++
While on the subject of ITV’s Tour output, which we were two items ago, it seems that many ‘Mos missed PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY make a brief appearance in Ned Boulting’s piece on the British Cyclosportive, which was aired as part of the network’s stage one coverage. The footage of the fastest finisher crossing the line with the lead group will hopefully be on the DYNAMITE! blog soon – and the Kiwi firecracker’s foray into the world of sportives hasn’t blunted his top-end speed, which he proved by winning the Hillingdon E/1/2/3 race last week… http://tinyurl.com/36hvna. The man’s unstoppable!

PAINE BACK AGAIN
+++ Crit king recovers from traffic accident +++
The legs may have been hairier and less chiseled than usual, but with his silvery Buck Rogers-style Northwave shoes glinting in the Surrey sunshine, there could be no mistaking that IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE was back in the saddle mere weeks after getting knocked down on the way back from his Crystal Palace stomping ground. The Wandsworth wonderman was at the MoD circuit in Chertsey on Saturday to warm up for Tuesday’s triumphant return to his circuit of choice, where he finished two places behind 4th-placed SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON in the E/1/2/3 race… http://tinyurl.com/35asue. Nice work, fellas! Incidentally, the official results for MoD have yet to arrive from Surrey League HQ – which could mean that the line judges are deliberating over the footage of the 3rd cats’ sprint to determine if TONY ‘CHUCKLES’ SMEDLEY won. He lives in hope!

HE NEEDS ‘MO HELP
+++ Garratt’s looking for assistance at race +++
Many readers will have already seen the massive advert for the Dynamo road race on the forum – but for any ‘Mos who have developed selective myopia since purchasing their “help the club” membership, this is a reminder that MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT is looking for assistance in staging the race in Crawley, West Sussex, on Sunday 5 August. Simply hit your reply button if you can lend a hand. Your club needs you, Dynamates!

FIRST LADY
+++ Blackman goes to the top of the pile +++
Finally – and this is only the last bit because she’s already been inundated with congratulations – feisty Dynamette CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN has reached 1st cat after finishing 3rd in a bunch sprint at the Hillingdon women’s series on Wednesday. The pedalling pedagogue was a 4th cat at the start of the season – and she’ll soon be heading to Mallorca for her second training camp this year. So watch out, fellas!

ALL TALKED OUT
We’ve reached the part of the newsletter that can be summed up by Paul Sherwen’s description of Sylvain Chavanel cracking: “Bridge to engine room – more power. There is no more.” Which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone for their un-believable contributions before we pack up the suitcase of courage for another week. Always remember we are an excitable commentator, and we would be nothing without you, our brisk peloton shooting past the commentary box. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the microphone
begins to cut out, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a tote bag of pluck.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #152, 27.07.07
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny, 22C max, wind W 10mph; Sun, light rain, 21C max, wind SE 1mph +++
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WHERE THERE’S A WIM
+++ Expulsions pave the way for Belgian +++
Pundits believed this year’s Tour de France would be the most wide-open in years – but with Christian Prudhomme saying Astana la vista to Vinokourov, cocksure Michael ‘The Chicken’ Rasmussen finally running out of cluck, and Wiggins’ Cofidis team getting the Brad news about Cristian Moreni, that prediction is now looking shakier than Juan Mauricio Soler’s upper body while ascending the Aubisque. With a rapidly-diminishing field, it now seems clear that the rider who will wear the yellow jersey in Paris will be the only competitor who can return an ‘A’ sample that is definitely, positively non-positive – and that man, Dynamates and Dynamettes, surely has to be none other than Predictor Lotto’s tenacious Belgian Wim Vansevenant, whose current GC position at 141st out of 141 undoubtedly proves he has put in a clean ride. The 2006 winner of the Lanterne Rouge isn’t the only cyclist to provide a glimmer of hope in these dope-blighted times, for a certain Mancunian ‘Mo bagged a victory this week aided by
nothing more than a dose of pure, old-fashioned northern gumption. So come with us to one of the further-flung Surrey League courses as we witness a field even more depleted than the list of riders still in the Tour. Watch out for those tumbleweeds on the circuit…

THEY MUST BE BARCOMBE MAD
+++ Trio risk drenching as Smedley triumphs +++
Crafty CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN wanted TONY ‘CHUCKLES’ SMEDLEY and CHRIS ‘CALAMITY’ CAMPBELL to observe an omerta-style pact regarding the size of the field that had braved the threat of a downpour to race at Barcombe on Sunday – but ever the seeker of truth, DYNAMITE! can categorically confirm that there were barely 20 competitors at the hilly 46-mile event in Newick, East Sussex, which miraculously remained dry throughout the event. Having spotted the potential of Brighton Mitre’s Daniel Clark, tactical Tony followed his wheel to reach the break which was to build an unassailable lead of 4mins 10secs – and the former 1st cat out-sprinted the seven other breakaway merchants on the tricky uphill finish to win the race. Excellent work, sir! Back in the main bunch, a work-shy junior suddenly found his legs as he shot past Campbell to the line, leaving the West Ken warrior to grab the final place in the top 10 as Chapman landed the No.13 spot in his first 3rd cat race on English soil this year… http://tinyurl.com/2vzu54. It’s good to have you back, pal!

I’M IN A BIT OF A RUSS
+++ Turner’s frantic search for missing point +++
Hard-working ‘RADAR’ RUSS TURNER’s absence from Barcombe was understandable, given that the crit crackerjack had bagged 6th in the Terry Cronin 3/4 event at Hillingdon the day before… http://tinyurl.com/2g9zkp …leaving him just one point adrift of that tantalising 2nd cat licence. The large-eared lad was determined to gain promotion before Mrs Radar gives birth to Radar Jr next month – so he bravely ventured to the rain-swept Mountbatten Centre in Portsmouth on Wednesday, where he maintained a lone breakaway for eight laps before claiming 5th place… http://tinyurl.com/yvd5bt. But the newly-crowned 2nd cat won’t have time to celebrate as his bosses at the Environment Agency have ordered him to manage the aftermath of the recent flooding. It never rains but it pours, buddy!

THROWING A SPANNER IN THE WORKS
+++ Humpheson helps destroy bunch with ex-workshop partner +++
In a rare piece of collusion among the mechanic community, occasional grease monkey Warrick Spence discreetly advised his former Cyclefit workshop chum SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON to follow his wheel at Palace on Tuesday moments before he shot away from the bunch at an insane speed. What a helpful chap! The ex-Dynamo rider, who isn’t usually as obliging to his old team-mates, also allowed Rapha Condor’s Matt Seaton to join him en route to victory – and the successful three-man break enabled Sam to grab 3rd place in the E/1/2 race… http://tinyurl.com/2bnlo9. Well done, fella!

THAT’S HOUR JENNY
+++ Dynamette does 25 miles in less than 60 minutes +++
Finally, it seems that the organisers of the API-Metrow time trial have yet to publish the confirmed results of the 50-mile event, which took place in Westley Waterless, Cambs, two weeks ago – but until anyone says otherwise, this publication is declaring JENNY J-LLOYD JONES 2nd woman with a time of 2:09:25. The European age group duathlon champ flew the first 25 miles in less than hour and ground the final 25 miles into a massive headwind – so she more than deserves a belated congratulations from this publication!

THEO-VER AND OUT
Like Rabobank manager Theo de Rooy knocking on Rasmussen’s hotel door for the final time, the moment is almost upon us to say goodbye – but unlike the nomadic Dane, we hope you will return next week. Many thanks to everyone who sent stuff in for this issue – and please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message, or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as The Chicken flies
off to Mexico, or Italy, or wherever he isn’t supposed to be, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and four official warnings.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #153, 03.08.07
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny, 25C max, wind SW 12mph; Sun, light rain, 27C max, wind SW 7mph +++
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GENDER CONFUSION
+++ Results mix-up at MoD+++
As the world’s leading source of Dynamatic information, DYNAMITE! is frequently asked by inquisitive ‘Mos to name unknown members whom they have met on their travels – and although we pride ourselves on the ability to identify some of the club’s 400-strong membership from their choice of helmet or sock colour, there have been Dyna-moments when our Dyna-memory has failed us. Thankfully, the 3rd cat race at MoD Chertsey which took place more than a fortnight ago wasn’t one of those occasions, which is
why there was astonishment among the editorial team as top-five finisher TONY ‘CHUCKLES’ SMEDLEY was relegated to 52nd when the official results finally surfaced this week, while CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN, who rolled in with the bunch, is listed as 4th… http://tinyurl.com/3ctr3s. Without wishing to be indelicate, the judges facing the riders on the line would have been able to spot a couple of noticeable clues which distinguish Dynamette Charlie from Dynamate Tony, although the Boudica of Barnes is unlikely to be concerned at the confusion after nailing 4th on Sunday at the Sutton Town Centre women’s event, which saw her chase the leading group on her own, lapping big-hitters Janet Birkmyre, Alice Monger-Godfrey and the rest of the bunch in the process… http://tinyurl.com/29unpd. Having proved she was harder than a gerundive, the tough Latin buff celebrated by jetting off to Mallorca the next day for her second assault of Puig Major this year – and Tony should be similarly cock-a-hoop about his imminent move into a plush four-bedroom pad which, co-incidentally, is a few turns of the pedals away from the home of his Family Blackman chums. Sadly, however, a double blow has drained the joy out of the normally chirpy northerner, so come with us now as we relate how fate conspired to keep him with a 3rd cat licence for a little while longer. It’s time to watch those elusive points disappear…

WHAT THE BUCKS THAT?
+++ Smedley stunned by punctures in two races +++
He missed out on 1st place at MoD by the slenderest of margins and was one of the top five finishers at a subsequent visit to Chertsey – so one can only imagine TONY ‘CHUCKLES’ SMEDLEY’s dismay as he pulled over to the side of the Qinetic circuit on Saturday, having punctured on the 12th lap of 20 in the 3rd cat race. Curses! Eager to grab the six remaining points needed to achieve 2nd cat status, the moneyman who puts the fun back into European fund management got a brand new pair of tyres on his Colnago and ventured out to Stewkley, Bucks, the next morning for the 2/3/4 Compomotive RR, only to receive a second visit from the puncture fairy in as many days. A wheel change later, he found himself going flat out for 12 tough miles as the service car allowed him to draft at speeds of up to 40mph. Fearless Tony reveals in a Dyna-mail: “I got back to the group on lap three and felt fine until the last lap when I died. Metaphorically speaking, of course, otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this.” Well, obviously. The 68-mile band 3 event ended with DAVID ‘PINKY’ GARDNER piloting the final move and taking 7th, while MATT ‘IRON’ BRIDGE nabbed 15th… http://tinyurl.com/2bbj7k …after branding Dave a “poof” for worrying about getting his bike dirty on the partially-flooded course. You tell him, pal!

HUW’S DUNNIT
+++ Watkins gets 2nd cat +++
Meanwhile, over at Woodchurch in Kent, eager HUW ‘AITCH’ WATKINS also hoped to attain the points that would propel him into 2nd cat territory as he hurtled over the line in 7th place, only to learn later that he had been omitted from the final results of the 3rd cat race. Damn you, SERRL! The searing Seven rider proved to be even more determined than Smedders, because he left the Kenardington circuit to compete in the Sutton Town Centre 3rd cat race, which was held shortly after GAVIN ‘NO LYIN’ RYAN took 9th in the E/1/2 event. But despite grabbing 3rd place… http://tinyurl.com/2bfpqn …thanks to a little junior hauling his formidable frame around the technical circuit, point-hungry Huw’s new licence remained tantalisingly out of reach. That all changed on Tuesday at the Crystal Palace 3/4 race, where ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY’s 8th place was bettered by the hulking sprinter taking the No.3 spot… http://tinyurl.com/39jv62. Well done, sir!

NORTHWAVE? SHOE MUST BE JOKING!
+++ Paine corrects footwear faux pas +++
The sunlight reflecting off IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE’s shimmering slippers must have momentarily blinded DYNAMITE! a couple of weeks ago, because we were certain that our description of his “silvery Buck Rogers-style” Northwaves was entirely correct. In fact, they are actually shiny, futuristic DMTs, although they still look like they could be worn by that freaky child-size robot with the curiously deep-set voice… http://tinyurl.com/2amyzh. Bedebedebede! Snootily dismissing Northwaves as “fugly”, the Wandsworth wonderman fired off a brief Dyna-mail to this publication almost as soon as he had spotted the error – and he was similarly quick off the mark at Ardingly, West Sussex, on Saturday, getting into the winning break of 11 early on at the South East Road Race Championships. He reveals: “Given that it’s been nearly two months since I did 80 miles, it was always going to be a question of how long before I got dropped, especially given the toughness of the circuit. Two laps to go and the chasing group and bunch are stopped because they are four minutes down. I succumb with a lap-and-a-half to go and eventually roll in a chunky nine minutes down.” Fortunately, one rider from the break managed to get lost – which meant Ian scraped into the top 10 of the E/1/2/3 event… http://tinyurl.com/24f34a. You jammy bugger! And Ian’s luck continued on Tuesday as he lead a two-man chasing group to bag 3rd place at Palace while SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON took 8th… http://tinyurl.com/39jv62. Lovely stuff!

DERM WARFARE
+++ Campbell’s battle to get his first ever points +++
After crashing twice, breaking a chain and getting two punctures during his first five races, battle-scarred DERMOT CAMPBELL has finally managed to make a deposit in the points bank by finishing 7th in the 4th cat race at Hillingdon on Tuesday – and he has revealed the true potential of his pal MIKE BRIARS, who should be listed in the top three once the official results appear. Despite still being in the 4ths, it appears Mike was 2nd at the British Cyclosportive – just six minutes behind PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY – and he finished the Etape in under seven hours. Watch out for this one, Dynamates!

RUSHING OFF
This week’s news has passed by in a blue, black and orange blur, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this edition before we rewind the videotape and mistakenly pick the wrong winner. Always remember we are a creaking Dictaphone, and we would be nothing without you, our gabbled and partially obscured race numbers. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The
deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the overused tape snaps, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a position picked at random.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #154, 10.08.07
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny, 24C max, wind W 1mph; Sun, sunny intervals, 23C max, wind S 3mph +++
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SUN-THING SPECIAL
+++ Dynamo road race is a sizzler +++
It had a motorbike outrider, a high-quality field and a squad of three cars following the competitors – but it was the Great British weather which made the 78-mile London Dynamo Summer RR seem even more like a professional event by uncharacteristically churning out enough heat to ensure some hefty Pyrenean-style time gaps, not to mention a large number of DNFs. Nice one, sun! Keeping his cool as the mercury hit 31 degrees on the hottest day of the year, event co-ordinator MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT watched the decisive five-man break emerge on the first climb of the day – and he winced as South East series contender Gary Dodd hit a massive pothole on the descent of lap two while chasing the quintet. That was his race over! Under-23 sensation Daniel Patten, whose impressive form has been honed among the hardmen of Belgian kermesses, hung on to take the win from break colleague Tim Beddingfield – and 18th-placed SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON outperformed former ‘Mo Warrick Spence by being one of the few
riders to reach the chequered flag… http://tinyurl.com/3dn75j. The official BCF commissaire gave petrol head PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT the award for best driver while praising KIMBERLY ‘CANUCK’ KABATOFF’s delicious banana and date loaf – and Martin would like to thank them along with everyone else who helped out. So DYNAMITE! is passing on a big “cheers” to DAVID ‘GOLIATH’ ANDREWS, TOBY ‘HUBBY’ BLACKMAN, MATT ‘IRON’ BRIDGE, PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY, DAVID ‘PINKY’ GARDNER, JOE ‘BLOW’ HEMMANT, DYLAN ‘GORDON-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY, GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY, RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON, FRANCIS McAULEY, PETA McSHARRY, GAVIN ‘NO LYIN’ RYAN, RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT, MICHAEL ‘LUNGER’ SNEYD, DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE, ‘RADAR’ RUSS TURNER and CRAIG WHITE. The race couldn’t have happened without you, Dynamates! Mart is so pleased with the event that he is already drawing up plans to run the first-ever Dynamo team champs at Hillingdon on October 13 – details of which should appear soon on the forum, along with info about a possible track showdown with Manchester
Wheelers pencilled in for January. But for now, let’s stay at Staplefield as we reveal how some of the club’s notable time triallists got on at the course 24 hours earlier. It’s time to take those two climbs in the small ring…

POWD OUT
+++ Eager Engine forced to skip Palace +++
One of the more persistent questions to trouble the keen tactical mind of TONY ‘CHUCKLES’ SMEDLEY is why GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL doesn’t often win road races, given his domination of the odd-shaped helmet brigade – and the towering tester gave his northern chum another performance to ponder on Saturday when he notched up a solo victory at the second Surrey League time trial event at Staplefield, West Sussex, beating crack two-up team DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE and RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON by more than half a minute… http://tinyurl.com/2oj2k3. To celebrate posting a time of 1:03:36 on the testing 26-mile course, the image-conscious fop dialled the number of A Certain Hampton Wick Retailer and purchased yet another pair of ridiculously expensive ice-white Sidis before keying himself up for a visit to Crystal Palace. Unknown to his buddy Chuckles, Guy has spent years longing for a victory at the South London circuit – and the Goldman Sachs machine was all set to show Tony he could translate his time trial
prowess into a crit win when he got a call from a major European fund manager, insisting that they change the venue for their top-level meeting that evening. And who was the spoilsport who put the kibosh on Powdrill’s plan to race? Why, it was none other than jet-setting moneyman Tony
Smedley himself! Oh, cruellest of ironies! Wandsworth wham-blammer IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE and former ‘Mo Warrick Spence joined Guy on Tuesday’s list of absentees, which meant SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON was left to drive the pace en route to claiming 3rd in the 25-mile E/1/2 race, while tanned holidaymaker GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY grabbed 10th to banish the memory of TT partner DAVID ‘PINKY’ GARDNER hauling him around Staplefield three days earlier. The 3/4 race saw ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY nab 9th – but it was great Dane RUNE ‘SIZZLER’ SANBECK who stole the show with a win… http://tinyurl.com/2o5zto. What a way to bring home the bacon! Intrigued ‘Mos who have never been to Palace before have the perfect opportunity to
catch the action next week when the club carries out marshalling duties on the highly technical course… http://tinyurl.com/3c2957. Those florescent vests look particularly eye-catching on a sunny evening!

HARROLD BUOYED
+++ Podium place at Hillingdon +++
Great Dynamo performances at Palace week after week combined with an intermittent supply of results from Hillingdon has meant that this publication has overlooked the exploits of many Dyna-minnows slugging away on the rival West London circuit, so many thanks to the ‘Mos who drew our attention to their top 10 placings at Tuesday’s 4th cat race. Missing out on points as he doesn’t yet have a full BCF licence, ROB ‘HAPPY, HAPPY’ HARROLD nevertheless braved the traditional stomach-churning bunch sprint to take 3rd while STUART HAMILTON took 10th – but it was ANDREW ‘DIDDY’ DAVIS who was popping the corks after his 5th place earned him a 3rd cat
licence… http://tinyurl.com/2cohmp. Well done, pal! Andrew revealed: “Going racing on my wedding anniversary paid off, although I’ve still got some way to go on convincing my wife of this. Perhaps taking her out for a slap-up meal with my £10 winnings will help.” Wimpy, here they come!

JUST SIMM TIME
+++ Late news from Alfold +++
In a typical burst of speed, Dynamo big-hitter RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS rushed home from the Barry Elcombe Memorial RR on Wednesday night in a bid to beat the DYNAMITE! deadline – and we’re pleased to have got his Dyna-mail just in time, because it turns out that he nabbed 9th in the super-tough 70-mile 1/2/3 race… http://tinyurl.com/25zf9l. Well done, pal! Rich, who was part of the successful nine-man break, had put in some time trialling in the run-up to the race on the Surrey League’s Alfold circuit, doing a 21:12 for a 10-miler in Somerset last Tuesday and making his debut two days later at the Hounslow Wheelers’ 10, where he did 22:38 on the hilly Chertsey course. He was accompanied at the latter event by JENNY ‘J-LLOYD’ JONES, who finished in 34 minutes due to going off-course at the roundabout – but she redeemed herself at Ashton Keynes, Wilts, on Sunday by doing a 50 in 2hrs 12mins after training for ten days straight.
Rich adds: “I managed 1:52:43, which is annoying because it was a quick course and a pretty good day. I would have gone faster but chose to ride like a monkey.” You’ll just have to go back and do it all again, buddy!

DATE FIXED
+++ Intro to track racing +++
On a final note, our pals at Rapha have been in touch to invite members to Herne Hill velodrome next Sunday. The event, which is an introduction to track racing, includes instruction from British Cycling coaches plus a post-session lunch and, erm, a refreshing glass of wine. Just the one, mind – we don’t want things getting out of hand. There will also be coached mountain biking sessions for children while their parents take their first tentative pedal strokes in the strange world of fixed gear riding… http://tinyurl.com/276kr8. Just don’t embarrass junior by falling off!

FRAZZLED OUT
The searing ultra-violet rays have frazzled our brain cells, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue before we have a long lie down in darkened room. Always remember we are a soothing application of after-sun cream, but we would be quite
superfluous without your scorched skin. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the blisters begin
to appear, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a sunny smile.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #155, 17.08.07
————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, light showers, 20C max, wind SW 12mph; Sun, heavy showers, 20C max, wind NW 1mph +++
————————————————————————–

HE’S GONE STU FAR
+++ Spies completes maddest event ever +++
Many ‘Mos have amazed the DYNAMITE! editorial team over the years with their bonkers tales – but now STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES has proved he is the Dyna-maddest of the lot by surviving the Norseman Xtreme Tri in Eidfjord, Norway, which covers the distance of an Ironman event and adds 16,000ft of height gain just for the sheer hell of it. Readers who have yet to enjoy the screwy Saffa’s account of his deranged day should head over to the forum… http://tinyurl.com/ytptr7 …while any Dynamates looking for a less insane challenge can now sign up to JOE ‘BLOW’
HEMMANT’s domestic excursions, one of which was previewed in this publication last week… http://tinyurl.com/yu7g8o. But before you run off like a lunatic escaping the asylum, let’s find out which of Dynamo’s big-hitters was mad at himself for missing out on the top spot in West Sussex. It’s time to go insane with rage…

TRIAL AND TRIBULATION
+++ Simmonds miffed by 2nd place +++
He was a whopping 1min 50secs faster than last week’s Surrey League time trial winner GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL – but despite covering the testing 26-mile Staplefield course in 1:01:46, RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS ended up taking 2nd place at the final event in the mini-series on Saturday. Curses! Despite his intense displeasure at missing out on the top spot by 22 seconds, Rich’s performance was nevertheless part of a strong Dynamo outing which saw WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER nab 5th with a time of 1:06:20, while GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY partnered DAVID ‘PINKY’ GARDNER to take the No.5 spot in the two-up table, one place ahead of DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE and RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON. Wonder women JENNY ‘J-LLOYD’ JONES and CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN beat the other ladies’ team by more than 16 minutes – and they saw off a male squad from Brighton in the process… http://tinyurl.com/you3df. You showed ’em, girls!

DOING IT THE MART WAY
+++ Williamson refuses to cheat at London Tri +++
Diligent rule-observer MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON was pleased to see some top competitors getting busted for breaking the no-drafting edict at the London Triathlon a couple of weeks ago – and despite dropping back to avoid penalties on the 23.5-mile bike course, the Kingston hunk still managed to finish 5th in the sub-2:30 group with a time of 1:59:18. Interestingly, he appears to have beaten someone called James Cracknell, while the chap who came 1st is actually Third… http://tinyurl.com/2r8beo. That’s the wacky world of triathlon for you! Martin followed up his top five place by venturing to Nottingham last weekend for the National Relay Championships, where his four-man team emerged from the water in 16th place, moving up to 2nd during the run before finishing 4th overall. Martin reveals: “We pretty much only got beaten by people without jobs.” There should be a rule against them entering!

ROBIN’S ZEST
+++ Old-timer promoted +++
Fired-up fifty-something ROBIN ‘OSSIE’ OSBORNE was one point shy of promotion when he returned from holiday this week – so you can imagine his joy at earning a 3rd cat licence by taking 6th place at the Hillingdon 4th cat event on Tuesday. Well done, pal! Self-styled “old git” Rob reveals: “I’m pretty chuffed as this is my first year of racing at the tender age of 50. I had planned to learn to race this year and get my 3rd cat licence in 2008, so this is a mega bonus.” The Hillingdon hero will no doubt be tempted to take part in the big boys’ race, which this week saw PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY nab 4th… http://tinyurl.com/3azz23 …after a trio of Agiskoviner riders took the podium places amid atrocious weather conditions… http://tinyurl.com/2l4ky6. Water result!

WHAT’S SUP, DOC?
+++ Legendary ‘Mo reveals future plans over a coffee +++
On a final note, those who have been with the club since its inception may be interested to hear that DYNAMITE! came across none other than ‘MEDICAL’ MIKE DEBNEY supping a latte with a pal at the Fulham Palace Road branch of Starbucks on Wednesday evening. The winner of the very first Dynamo Beginners’ Series race and star of countless stellar performances revealed that he has left Redhill in Surrey to take up a post at nearby Charing Cross hospital, so you can expect to see the dazzling doc at a Parkride in the not-too-distant future. The comeback starts soon, Dynamates!

JACKET IN
The men in white coats are coming to take us away, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent in stuff for this issue before we’re strapped into a straitjacket. Always remember we are simply nuts about you, but we need our weekly Dyna-medication, so please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. We’d like to offer crazy big thanks to CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN, DAVE ‘PINKY’ GARDNER, SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON, RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON, IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE and JOE ‘CHEEKY BEGGAR STEGERS for turning up to marshal at the rained-off Crystal Palace races on Tuesday – and now, having tossed those wacky, soaking-wet kids a towel, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a cuckoo.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via
Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #156, 24.08.07
————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny, 25C max, wind NW 5mph; Sun, sunny, 22C max, wind N 7mph +++
————————————————————————–

ROULED OUT
+++ Joy drained from our famous soundproof bunker +++
To judge from the constant supply of laughs, the well of hilarity from which this publication is drawn each week would appear to be inexhaustible – but, sadly, our humour supply has run drier than one of NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK’s witticisms due to a heavy work schedule for another publication. Believe it or not, DYNAMITE! has been beavering away on the in-depth cycling publication Rouleur, and after seven days of wading through such serious matters as Fausto Coppi’s legendary performance on the Puy de Dome in the 1952 Tour de France and the iconic significance of the Roubaix velodrome’s showers, the impetus to joke about, say, GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL’s absurd shoe fetish has deserted us. Nevertheless, issue six of the upmarket mag is a belter which includes a great piece on climbers by Robert Millar’s biographer Richard Moore and a nice interview with veteran Brit road racer Malcolm Elliott, who appears to have been given a trendy Wiggins-esque hair makeover for the accompanying fashion photoshoot. We kid you not! Thankfully, two of the more notable ‘Mo stories of the past week have already appeared on the forum, so a big thanks go to CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN for relating her adventure at the National Womens’ Road Race Championships… http://tinyurl.com/2v8kl4 …and MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT for detailing his bottom-kicking at the 5-Day… http://tinyurl.co/2q5qm5 …as both posts have saved us a considerable amount of time during this very busy week. The forum will soon have details of the Dynamo kit sale, which will be on Saturday 15th September – but for now let’s head over to West London to hear how the Dyna-minnows are getting along. Get ready to open that first aid kit…

CRASH BROWN
+++ Crit victory for 4th cat +++
In an unusual turn of events, the 4th cat race at Hillingdon finished without any spills this week – so hats off to the 2nd-placed Economic Energy rider who made up for this notable omission by spooning into the back of ALEXIS ‘GET OUTTA TOWN’ BROWN after they had passed the chequered flag. The now-upgraded 3rd cat, who blasted through the pack to take 1st, commendably managed to keep himself upright, which is more than can be said for the bloke who bumped into him. Ouch! Eyewitness ROB ‘HAPPY, HAPPY’ HARROLD had a ringside seat for the incident as he had just crossed the line in 3rd place… http://tinyurl.com/2ulbk2 …but despite accruing more than 10 points, the ex-oarsman will be racing in the 4s a little while longer as he has only just got around to purchasing a full BCF licence. His Dyna-moniker should go some way to relieving his disappointment, as he reveals: “My former boatie crewmates have applauded the revival of the ‘Happy’ nickname, for it was they who first bestowed it in a moment of extreme wit.” Don’t thank us – thank loose-lipped WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER, pal!

PERFECT ’10’
+++ Simmonds scores personal best +++
He was pipped for the top spot at last week’s Surrey League time trial – but pointy-hat perpetrator RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS put the smile back on his face by recording a new personal best of 20:55 at the wet and windy Kingston Wheelers’ 10-mile event in Bentley, Hants on Saturday… http://tinyurl.com/34doll …which also saw ALEXIS ‘GET OUTTA TOWN’ BROWN finish in 23:22. Buoyed by his performance, Rich ventured to Tempsford, Beds, the following day but ended up doing what he reckons was an “absolutely crap” 25. He admits: “I just couldn’t get my heart rate up. Ended up with a 55 flat, but it’s supposed to be a fast course. Didn’t bother sticking around to see what Michael Hutchinson did, but I’m guessing it was under 50 minutes. Bugger.” That means the Dynamo big-hitter will have the bit between his teeth when he does a 25 – and a 50-mile time trial during the Bank Holiday weekend. Good luck, buddy!

LAFF OFF
The DYNAMITE! pun machine is showing signs of crackling back to life, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in and apologise for this week’s under-par performance before we recharge the old humour-box ready for a longer, improved performance in seven days’ time. Always remember we are the punchline but we would be nothing without you, the set-up, so please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the canned laughter is switched off, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and beautiful, rich and deep quarterly journal (RRP: £9).

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #157, 31.08.07
————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 21C max, wind NW 6mph; Sun, sunny intervals, 22C max, wind W 9mph +++
————————————————————————–

CLOSE CALL
+++ Need to win a stage race? Get DYNAMITE! on the blower +++
Having serviced and built many of the race-winning steeds in the Dynamo stable, compact Dyna-mechanic SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON can rightly claim to have played a vital part in numerous club victories over the years – so it is only fitting that the spanner-wielding sensation should finally emerge from the shadows of his Hampton Wick workshop to engineer a win of
his own. Messages of congratulations have been flooding in… http://tinyurl.com/2pw5th …since he walked off with 1st place at the Cycles Dauphin Army CU 3-Day on Sunday… http://tinyurl.com/ypqbzt …and DYNAMITE! is proud to have made a small yet significant contribution to his success in the 2/3 event by navigating him towards the Dunsfold circuit for the second day of racing. Perhaps his mind was still preoccupied with thoughts of how he had managed to go three seconds slower than GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL at the 1.5-mile Box Hill time trial the previous evening… http://tinyurl.com/28us46 …but Sam’s directional skills nevertheless betrayed him by guiding his spacious Volvo estate to Cranleigh, Surrey – seven miles from the start of the stage in Loxwood, West Sussex. Thankfully, a last-ditch telephone call to this publication guided him to the start with minutes to spare, although we can’t claim any credit for Sam’s GC-winning move on the final stage at Ewhurst, which saw him get into the decisive break on the first lap with big-hitters from Norwood Paragon and Agiskoviner before bagging 2nd place on the dreaded Leith Hill… http://tinyurl.com/2fxeuh. A quality field held off for around 50 miles and a killer finishing climb – now that’s a candidate for Dynamo ride of the year! The self-styled “thrilla from Herne Hilla” wasn’t the only Dynamate who managed to get lost this weekend – so let’s turn on the sat nav to see if we can find a missing ‘Mo. It’s time to send out a search party…

WINNING STREAKY
+++ Second Palace win in a row for Danish dazzler +++
Displaying a questionable grasp of geography on a par with that of his countryman Michael ‘Mexico’ Rasmussen, baffled Dane-a-‘Mo RUNE ‘SIZZLER’ SANBECK spent Friday evening desperately driving around Dorking in a fruitless hunt for the starting line of the Box Hill time trial. Try looking up next time – you can’t miss it, pal! Taking pity on frazzled Rune, who had rushed to the start of the 3-Day following a hectic week of partying, the kind Surrey League officials gave the non-starter a time of 6mins, which allowed him to begin the next day as Lanterne Rouge – but after completing stage two, the Scandanavian smoothie opted to skip the
final day as he had a hot date. And the lucky lady must have rejuvenated parts that Dr Fuentes can’t reach, because the dashing Dane took 1st place at the 3/4 event at Crystal Palace on Tuesday, giving him his second successive victory on the South London circuit. Incredible stuff! The 18-lap dash to beat the rapidly-encroaching sunset also saw ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY nab 7th – and TORKEL DOHMERS claimed 3rd, seemingly untired after his strong ride during the 3-Day which bagged him 13th on the second stage… http://tinyurl.com/24kk2u. Over in the E/1/2 race, 3-Day champion SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON finished 4th, and STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES came 9th… http://tinyurl.com/2cjfwu …but as darkness fell on the final Palace fixture of the year, confused Warrick Spence of Cyclefit was left to do an extra lap of the circuit, seemingly unaware that his lone breakaway had already won him the race. He’d probably still be there if London Cycle Sport’s John Mullineaux hadn’t shouted at him to stop!

PICS OF THE BUNCH
+++ Hot shots from Box Hill +++
The items after this one will, we promise, be a 3-Day-free zone – but this edition of your favourite Dynamatic update would not be complete without a mention of the chaotic conditions surrounding the Box Hill TT caused by a film crew shooting an advert for, would you believe, an eco-friendly car. Riders warming up on the climb were stopped by meeja types armed with walkie-talkies who explained they were shooting rubbish bags being released into the air. The idea, apparently, was to show how much energy could be saved by switching to a green motor – although the crew’s convoy awkwardly backing out of the small car park on the first bend of the zig zag didn’t look particularly friendly to the environment or to the riders, who had to carefully manoeuvre around the vehicles to reach the starting line. Filming the ad delayed the start of the time trial by 40 minutes, which meant some competitors rode in near-darkness – but at least the setting sun helped to create two of the most glorious ‘Mo-related photographs this publication has ever seen, both of which feature GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY… http://tinyurl.com/3yepr8 http://tinyurl.com/34p6kk. Unfortunately, 3-Day champion SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON doesn’t look quite so immaculate in another Paul Wright shot, as the zip on his skin suit broke while he took a last-minute Jimmy Riddle… http://tinyurl.com/ysja8c …but at least the torn-open-at-the-chest image makes it look like he’s about to change into the superhero alter-ego that he uses on the Dynamo forum. Yes! Whenever bike races are menaced by
pointless delays, Bicycle Repair Man is ready!

HANTS THE WAY TO DO IT
+++ Simmonds scores two PBs in three days +++
Proving once again that he is a giant among ‘Mos, relentless high-achiever RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS scored not one but two personal bests at a couple of time trials in Hampshire over the Bank Holiday weekend. Having notched up 53:01 at the North Hampshire Wheelers’ 25 in Bentley on Saturday, Rich was slightly miffed at missing out on 3rd place and a cash prize by a mere one second. Then, on Monday, he knocked a massive three-and-a-half minutes off his PB for a 50 by clocking 1:48:46 at the a3crg event in Liss… http://tinyurl.com/2ybk48 …and he almost fell off
his bike with exhaustion at the finishing line. The experience should be good practice for this weekend’s National Time Trial Championships, where he will be up against the likes of David Millar and Michael Hutchinson. “It’s a Who’s Who of riders who can give me a good kicking,” Rich muses, “so I’ll just have to go harder than I’ve ever done and see what happens.” Good luck, buddy!

CROSS TALK
+++ Tips and ideas for knobbly-tyred newcomers +++
Off-road fan RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT will be running a cyclo-cross training session in anticipation of the fast-approaching season. The focus will be on tips for riders new to the discipline, and all you need to do is bring an off-road bike of any type to the Roehampton Gate café in Richmond Park at 9am on Saturday 8th September. Enjoy!

LITTLE RADAR OF LIGHT
+++ Turner’s a daddy +++
Finally, DYNAMITE! would like to congratulate ‘RADAR’ RUSS TURNER on the birth of his daughter Isabel at Kingston Hospital on Monday night. Hard-as-nails Jane – that’s Mrs Radar to you – opted for a water birth with no pain relief, so the lively 6lb 12oz tot has already had her first swim. “It’s a drug-free start to her sporting career,” beams Russ. Now all he needs is an under-fives category for the 2012 Olympics!

SAT’S ALL FOR NOW
The sat nav has graciously guided you to the end of our journey together, which means that there is just enough time to thank everyone who sent in stuff for this issue before we realise that the bridge marked out on the screen is actually a precipitous ravine. Always remember we are your Tom Tom, but we would be nothing without you, our wide-ranging roads. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we decide to stick with our dog-eared copy of the Collins Road Atlas in future, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and Google maps.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #158, 07.09.07
————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 22C max, wind NW 5mph; Sun, sunny intervals, 20C max, wind N 2mph +++
————————————————————————–

WORD GAMES
+++ Olympic-sized challenge for nit-picker +++
The brigade of fact-checkers who wade through Britain’s top Dyna-matic news update pride themselves on being able to spot a trifling inaccuracy at 20 paces – so you can imagine their surprise when not one but two criticisms were levelled at them this week, the first arriving within minutes of our last edition hurtling down the lead pipe attached to the Dynamo Towers server. No doubt emboldened by rumours that an MBE is on its way for his work on the London 2012 project, quick-off-the-mark ALEX ‘BALFIE’ BALFOUR took issue with a quip that rounded off the closing item about ‘RADAR’ RUSS TURNER’s sporting aspirations for his new-born daughter Isabel, which read: “All he needs is an under-fives category for the 2012 Olympics!” Nit-picking Balfie writes: “Great newsletter as usual. I am, however, obliged to ask you to refer to the London 2012 Olympic and Paralympic Games in future editions, there being no such things as ‘the Olympics’.” Balfie’s dedication to his role is renowned, which is why it is admirable that he will undoubtedly take on the challenge of writing another 2,310,000 e-mails, as that is currently the number of hits “London Olympics” gets on Google. Undaunted by the task, he goes on: “If you are unwilling to acknowledge and act upon my pedantry I will have no choice but to decorate your bicycle with the London 2012 Olympic and Paralympic Games emblem.” Sadly, the threat of that punishment probably won’t affect our future conduct, as the latest bicycle added to the DYNAMITE! stable has attracted ridicule as easily as the infamous 2012 logo – although that hasn’t stopped Alex himself scoffing at Specialized’s Langster London… http://tinyurl.com/2j42e5. You cheeky swine! The second criticism directed at this publication came from GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL, who was miffed with us for omitting to mention in issue #155 that RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS had the advantage of a tailwind when he visited the Staplefields course for the final Surrey League time trial, where he knocked 1min 50secs off the previous week’s winning time set by Guysie. Interestingly, the ever-competitive derivatives trader declined to pit himself against Richard at the National Time Trial Championships in Holmes Chapel, Cheshire, which saw the relentless high-achiever put in a phenomenal ride to bag 14th place among the top pointy-hatters in the country… http://tinyurl.com/2qn4k3. You can read Rich’s exhaustive account of his supreme effort on the forum… http://tinyurl.com/2vnh5w …but before you do, let’s head over to West London for an event where the competitors look even more bizarre than the skinsuit set. It’s time the strap on those blades…

HELTER SKATER
+++ Confusing roller race leaves Garratt in a spin +++
Kit co-ordinator PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN recently rejected a delivery of Dynamo shorts which had been mistakenly cut to reveal rather more thigh than polite society allows – but MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT could well have done with a pair to help him get the camp skater look for an unusual event at Hillingdon on Sunday. Having applied blister-avoiding plasters to his
plates of meat, the lanky lad literally got his skates on for the London Inline Marathon, where he found himself getting lapped within three miles of the start as two pros from New Zealand whooshed round at a ridiculous pace. He wasn’t alone, as the entire field had already fragmented into small groups and individuals. Technique-challenged Martin, who tried in vain to put some power down, admits: “I’d been lapped about five times before the halfway point, so the lap board bore no relation to my race. After about 1hr 10mins, the race was about to be won, and some
happy-looking people pulled over. I carried on, unsure of how many laps I had yet to do. Apparently this is a common problem – most people I spoke to lost count at some point. In the end I pulled over to find out how many times my chip had been registered and was told I had another six laps to do.” What a shambles! Having survived the race, plucky Mart invested in a
skating DVD which features someone called Chad Hedrick doing about 30mph. Something tells us he’ll be back in 2008!

KIT’S BACK!
+++ Your chance to snap up garments +++
Speaking of Martin, dozens of Dynamates have already signed up for the inaugural Dynamo Club Championships… http://tinyurl.com/2fe8bs …which, of course, is the brainchild of the hard-working Chelsea chappy himself. And to make sure you look the part on Saturday 13 October, the committee will be selling tons of kit for one day only. You’re sure to be tempted by
the wealth of blue, black and orange outfits on offer, so make sure you’re in the Roehampton Gate car park at 11am on Saturday 15 September. Cash or cheque only. Bring lots – you are sure to be tempted!

MISTAKEN AWAY
The final errors have been inadvertently placed in this edition, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue before it’s sent away in an imperfect state. Always remember we are a grievous mistake, but we would be nothing without you, out minor
errors. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as another reader prepares a letter of complaint, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a quibble.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #159, 14.09.07
————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny, 22C max, wind E 6mph; Sun, sunny intervals, 21C max, wind SW 8mph +++
————————————————————————–

GEAR HERE NOW
+++ Get ready for tomorrow’s one-off kit sale +++
As GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL surely realises, hanging around a public car park at an unusual hour can cast doubts on a person’s good character – so let’s hope there will be no Dyna-misunderstanding with the local constabulary when PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN, MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT and RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT are seen milling about near the four-by-fours outside the Roehampton Gate café in Richmond Park tomorrow. The trustworthy trio will be dropping off their gear-laden vehicles early in the morning and flinging open their groaning boots after the Parkride for the biggest one-day-only sale of Dynamo kit that the world has ever seen. Rain jackets, gilets, skin suits, shorts, jerseys, long-sleeve windstoppers, socks and overshoes of almost every size will all be available on a strictly first-come-first-served basis… http://tinyurl.com/29x3gx. So peruse the price list in the “kit update” window on the forum… http://tinyurl.com/2lm5ok …and bring cash or a cheque, because you won’t be able to purchase all your winter garments any other way. But before you plunder the piggy bank, let’s find out how a sextet of ‘Mos handled being stuck in a completely different yet equally perilous public place. Let’s try to avoid eye contact with the chavs…

GETTING IN A RIGHT ESTATE
+++ Directional gaffe at Southern Sportive +++
Gazing at breathtaking scenery is a given for any long-distance cyclist – but misdirected ‘Mos DOMINIC ‘WHAT CRISIS?’ CALLAGHAN, JAMES ‘GET’ CARTER, EDWIN ‘SUNNY’ DATSON, PAUL ‘QUACKER’ DRAKE, MARK ‘NO WAITIN’ DRAYTON and MARTIN ‘MAINLINE’ HAENLEIN also ended up enjoying the dubious pleasures of a council estate after questionable signage at Sunday’s Southern Sportive thrust them into Hampshire’s badlands, just 22 miles from the start in
Petersfield. The hapless half-dozen spent 12 minutes extricating themselves from their geographical pickle, which meant missing out on top 10 places. They still managed to come in the top 30 among a field of 440… http://tinyurl.com/yq7n6v …aided by Martin and Mark taking big turns at the front as they tackled 2075m of climbing. And just look at the effort… http://tinyurl.com/yrj537 …on Paul’s face! Experienced sportivist James, who enjoyed the 93-mile course more than any other event this season, vows: “Next time we’ll have maps and GPS with the route programmed in and everything.” Now where’s the fun in that?

IT’S GOOD BECAUSE HE SIZZ IT IS
+++ High praise from great Dane +++
A sure-fire way to get a prominent mention in DYNAMITE! is to praise Britain’s top Dyna-matic update – so congratulations to RUNE ‘SIZZLER’ SANBECK, who pushes CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN to the end of this item purely for stating the following: “I love the newsletter. It’s extremely well-written, lots of fun, and key to creating a feeling of being connected in the club.” Thanks, buddy! It’s our great pleasure to point out that the dashing Dane has followed up his two consecutive wins at Crystal Palace by taking 5th at the Tour of Britain 3rd cat support race,
which was held at the South London venue’s longer circuit on Sunday. James Wakelin of Evans Cycles broke away in the dying moments of the 40-minute event to clinch victory, and perfectionist Rune reckons he “didn’t do that great in the sprint”. You’re too hard on yourself! Earlier on, Charlie set the pace in the women’s race and took 4th… http://tinyurl.com/yp6obr.
Nice one!

KEEPING UP WITH THE LLOYD-JONESES
+++ Multi-sport couple leave competitors trailing in their wake +++
Unable to run with over-generous padding restricting her movements, Dynamette JENNY ‘J-LLOYD’ JONES ditched her Dynamo skinsuit and raced incognito at the London Duathlon in Richmond Park on Sunday, where she came 3rd in the women’s race and 120th overall in the challenge category. The European age group champ reveals: “I missed out on the fastest female
bike split by four seconds, but we were both faster than any women’s times in previous years.” And RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS, her indomitable other half, took 8th among the list of 1,639 finishers after notching up the fastest time for the 13-mile bike leg by a whopping three minutes… http://tinyurl.com/2ze87d. A hearty ‘chapeau’ also to 42nd-placed BEN FORSYTH and STEVE WOOD, who came 47th in the 45-49 age group. Well done, fellas!

…AND A FEW ‘MO THINGS…
+++ GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY, RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON and GAVIN ‘NO LYIN’ RYAN and DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE survive brutal road race in Calais… http://tinyurl.com/2kh9jr +++ SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON 12th at Sunday’s E/1/2 Bob Chicken London Grand Prix… http://tinyurl.com/yp6obr +++ ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY 12TH at 3rd cat Surrey League race in Rusper, West Sussex on Sunday… http://tinyurl.com/2ttd3z +++

STALL OVER
Masses of ‘Mos are heading to Richmond Park for tomorrow’s huge kit sale, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue before the Dyna-committee set out their stall, ready to open at 11am on Saturday. Always remember we are flimsy gilet, and we would be nothing without you, our wonderful windstoppers. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now,
as the “sorry – no medium shorts” sign is hung up over the stall, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and no IOUs.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

BLANK STATEMENT
+++ It’s a pointless weekend +++
With the money markets spinning out of control faster than a fixed-gear fanatic descending Leith Hill, it’s comforting to know that the global credit crisis will never devalue the pleasing certainty of the club’s high-yielding race performances – or at least that’s what DYNAMITE! thought until we took a peak in the Dynamo points bag for this week and found it was emptier than a Northern Rock savings account. Never-say-die New Zealander PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY tried his best at the Cutmill E/1/2/3 race in Elstead, Surrey, on Sunday but could only muster 18th… http://tinyurl.com/3ca9p3 …while over in Strood, Kent, RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT got his cyclo-cross season off to a creditable start with 13th at the opening London league event… http://tinyurl.com/ywrekw. Had he still been in the maillot bleu of Britain’s best cycling club, former ‘Mo Warrick Spence would have brought glory to the club for his 4th place at the Warwick Town Centre headlining event – and absent-minded CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN neglected to pack her race head for the women’s race, causing her to pack. But it was another Dyna-member who was to feel the loss of BCF points more keenly after he was robbed of a 2nd cat licence in a results mix-up – so come with us now as we try to adjust the balance sheet. It’s time to loan us your interest while we give him some credit…

THE UNKINDEST CUTMILL
+++ Cock-up forces ‘non-climber’ to tackle daunting gradients +++
Proud dad ALEX ‘BALFIE’ BALFOUR and British Cycling’s performance director Dave Brailsford had a chuckle when the strapping ‘Mo’s young son… http://tinyurl.com/23utl9 …reasoned that the red, white and blue GB van at last week’s Tour of Britain prologue must belong to France – and there turned out to be more confusion when RICHARD ‘BOY RACER’ DOLBY found he had been omitted from the results for the Crystal Palace 3rd cat support race. The former Solna Avenue resident would have graduated to 2nd cat if he had been duly listed as 4th, one place ahead of RUNE ‘SIZZLER’ SANBECK – so the self-proclaimed non-climber was forced to make his bid for a licence upgrade at Cutmill, which contains the most power-sapping hill of all the Surrey League courses. Rich watched ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY launch a doomed solo breakaway from the gun, and the two ‘Mos later teamed up with ALEX ‘BUSTED’ BASTIN, TORKEL DOHMERS and TONY ‘CHUCKLES’ SMEDLEY to bring back a break on the final lap. Having done all the work, the blue train ran out of steam on the finishing climb – although 11th-placed Rich showed he had underestimated his climbing ability by becoming the highest-placed ‘Mo in the 57-mile 3rd cat race… http://tinyurl.com/346z3s. No points – but there’s always Walliswood on Sunday, pal!

KIT OUT MORE
+++ Second sale of club gear planned +++
As these words are being thumped out on the DYNAMITE! Vic-20, club boss NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK is in the Dynamo boardroom with PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN and MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT as they try to decide when you lucky lot will get another chance to snap up Dynamo’s extensive range of must-have garments. Buoyed by the huge success of Saturday’s post-Parkride sale, which reduced the stock of Windstopper jackets and arm-warmers to zero, kit co-ordinator Paul has put in another order with clothing supplier Sportful and sternly admonished the firm for getting the sizes wrong on a previously-abandoned shipment. They won’t be making that mistake again!

HAVING A GAS
+++ Ward’s windy time in the Rockies +++
Finally, a much-belated congratulations to ‘BUFFALO’ BILL GILBERT and CHRIS ‘HOSPITAL’ WARD for surviving the 372 miles of the TransRockies challenge. Bill kept a blog of their seven-day off-road adventure in the Canadian wilderness, which included 12,000 metres of climbing – and the poor man seems to have suffered even more in their shared tent thanks to Chris’s tummy bug producing an unwelcome amount of flatulence… http://tinyurl.com/2crdzm. Dear oh dear!

BELL END
The trading floor is about to close, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone for sending stuff in for this issue before we begin totting up our losses. We always strive to offer humorous returns for a modest investment of your time, so please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the NYSE bell tolls, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a block of part-paid ordinaries, funnelled through Geneva, underpinned by a notional rights issue. Who’ll be wincing then?

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.