The DYNAMITE! Files

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #90, 10.03.06
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail news, views, and gossip to news@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click “newsletter” +++ Have a peek at our pics at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_personal.php?user_id=321 +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, light rain, 9C max, wind NE 6mph; Sun, heavy rain, 8C max, wind SE 9mph +++
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Cyclefit to commemorate closure of Lea Valley Cycle Circuit with the Glider Eastway, which WARRICK SPENCE will ride in the National Criterium Series…

http://www.cyclefit.co.uk/glider_eastway.htm

Made in Italy from specially-selected 7003 series aluminium tubing with Deda carbon rear stays. Frame and forks £849. E-mail info@cyclefit.co.uk
for details.
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CHALK SHOW CHARLIES
+++ Duo’s Tour-style message of support on Chertsey’s tarmac backfires +++
Like a cheerleader shaking her pom-poms by the touchline, your beaming, morale-boosting Dynamatic update aims to lift the spirits of literally several Dynamates with a series of high-kicking articles – but sadly, an attempt to Dyna-motivate the troops at Chertsey which had the unwitting involvement of DYNAMITE! went slightly pear-shaped on Saturday. Don’t blame us – blame DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE and JOE ‘CHEEKY BEGGAR’ STEGERS! This publication was supposedly helping with the final Beginners’ Series race when ever-observant Joe noticed there wasn’t actually a finish line – so he took a piece of chalk from Keith Butler’s equipment box and drew one on the tarmac. Baby-faced prankster David then asked us to name somebody in the 40-mile event and our immediate response was “CRAIG ‘WADERS’ LEIPER” as he had made such a sterling effort driving the pack during the first few laps. Without warning, David and Joe chalked “GO CRAIG ALLEZ ALLEZ” in big letters on the right-hand side of the finishing straight – just before the doughty Scot disappeared into mid-bunch obscurity where he remained until Andrew Bye of Team Conti lead the 70-strong bunch past the chequered flag with Dynamo’s STUART ‘HURRY’ HARRIS finishing one place behind. To make matters worse, poor old Craig seems to have disappeared entirely from the official results sheet…

http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006_sl/3_chertsey.html

…although it’s possible that Twickenham’s joint-12th-placed Craig Ceider is actually the ‘Mo in disguise. This could be the beginning of a season-long name mangling to rival TOM ‘HEMNAUN, HEMANT, REMNANT’ HEMMANT’s syntactical errors! There was more bad luck in the E/1/2/3 handicap…

http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006_sl/4_chertsey.html

…where the 3rd cats’ dream of holding off the chasing pack ended with three laps to go – and STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES punctured on the final lap after failing to reel in the four-man group containing eventual race-winner Lee Day of Agiskoviner. Damn it all! The editorial team’s run of misfortune was capped by the DYNAMITE! camera’s stubborn refusal to take any pictures, chiefly because the batteries had run out, but you can enjoy a selection from the first week’s race in the gallery…

http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_personal.php?user_id=321

In the meantime, we hope this issue will provide more effective support to the Dyna-masses than David and Joe’s scrawled message – so come with us now as we reveal how recent editions have helped a notable ‘Mo keep his spirits up while training for the ride of his life. Here comes the first shout of encouragement…

PHOENIX RIDING
+++ Ed back from Ironman trial run in desert +++
Globe-trotting Dyna-mover ED ‘THE MAN’ McKINLEY provoked a pang of envy in the newsletter’s famous soundproof bunker the week before last when he Dyna-mailed his favourite Friday morning read from northern California following a fortnight of “tough duty” in Miami, Los Angeles and Phoenix, Arizona. That’s the kind of training territory many shivering ‘Mos would love to experience! The Chelsea-based American experienced snow at 3,000ft on the mountains surrounding LA during a 60-mile “scamper” – and he also enjoyed an 80-mile flat ride with no stop lights to the beach and back. It’s certainly better than a schlep out to Chertsey! Regular readers may remember that Ed is putting in the miles to prepare for the Arizona Ironman in April – and he headed out to the course itself to try out one loop of the run and bike. He gloomily reveals: “It’s going to be a hot, boring desert ride, followed by a hot, boring desert run.” Thank goodness, then, that a certain e-mail update arrived the following Friday to lift his spirits. “Just read the newsletter and wanted to tell you that the far-flung Dyna-spora are very grateful for the news from back home,” said Ed. “Great stuff. Thank you!” Our pleasure, pal – and we look forward to hearing how your ride to Brighton went this week!

KNOWING ‘MO, KNOWING YOU
+++ Aussie backs Ken Watch in our meet-the-members feature +++
It got off to a flying start – and our sensational slot for lesser-known ‘Mos has gone from strength to strength with some great replies to the now-famous DYNAMITE! questionnaire. This week’s respondent is certainly no exception – so here, without further ado, is MICHAEL SNEYD!

NAME: Michael Sneyd
AGE: 34
OCCUPATION: Too boring to try to explain. Needless to say I don’t get paid enough and got banished to London from Melbourne, Australia for my sins
LOCATION: Richmond – in both Melbourne and London (true!)
BIKE: Scott CR1, yellow and black
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN RIDING? Five years or so
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN A MEMBER? Since membership re-opened on December 1
WHY DID YOU JOIN THE CLUB? Arrived in London late last year from Melbourne. Needed a club to get a racing licence and London Dynamo seemed to be: a) the closest to Richmond Park; b) well-organised (actually had an up-to-date website, a regular newsletter and a forum that was actually used); c) went on a few of the rides and was impressed with the bunch; d) the kit is real perrrty. So it was impossible to do any better. But you guys already knew that
WHAT ARE YOUR GOALS THIS SEASON? Race a lot and try to regain some long-lost form
WHAT HAS BEEN YOUR BEST-EVER EXPERIENCE ON A BIKE? Riding alone at sunrise along the Great Ocean Road in Oz, Easter 2005. Tailwind, no traffic, quality hot mix, spectacular views and the hardest decision all day was when should I turn around
WHICH DYNAMATE’S BIKE DO YOU MOST ENVY AND WHY? I find myself looking at fixed gears and cross bikes. Don’t know if it is my age and senility kicking in but there have been a few of them in the bunch and I am mesmerised…
WHICH DYNAMATE’S LEGS DO YOU MOST ENVY AND WHY? Can’t help you there I’m afraid Been too cold to see any legs
IF YOU HAD TO CHOOSE YOUR OWN DYNA-MONIKER, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Don’t take this the wrong way but the only thing I can think of that is lamer than some of the monikers I have read is if I actually gave myself one
SEROTTA: HOTTER OR ROT? Love them all. So hot…
LANCE OR TOM (BOONEN, NOT HEMMANT)? Lurrrrve the Boonen. Can’t climb, can sprint, works on the front, hematocrit in the 30s, weighs more than 72kg, doesn’t mind a beer, dropped Discovery/Postal for a real team – what’s not to love? My kind of rider.
FAVOURITE PART OF THE NEWSLETTER? No idea who Ken Buist actually is and if the story has any basis in fact whatsoever. [Michael is probably referring to Ken getting dumped after his girlfriend read about his misadventures in old editions of this publication.] Even if it is only partly true, giving it to one of your mates when he is down through the club newsletter and on the internet is an absolute standout as my favourite part.
FINALLY, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO KEN BUIST IF YOU MET HIM?
My sister-in-law is single and not to fussy!

Cheers, buddy! Even though Michael questioned the factual accuracy of our report on Ken’s love life, he still stands to win a month’s supply of Maximuscle energy and recovery drink, courtesy of club sponsors Cyclefit, if the editorial team decide his entry is the best at the end of the year. So anyone who has had their name plucked from the DYNAMITE! Bucket of Luck (TM) should send in their completed questionnaire as soon as possible for a chance to walk away with the biggest prize this publication has ever given away. It’s an opportunity no Dynamate can afford to miss!

…AND A FEW ‘MO THINGS…
+++ Big-hitters TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT, SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON, GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL and WARRICK ‘SP EEDY’ SPENCE kept their powder dry at the first round of the South East Road Race series – http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006/serr_1_wg.html +++ ALEX ‘BALFIE’ BALFOUR acheived his best-ever cyclo-cross placing on Sunday, finishing 10th at Herne Hill – despite falling flat on his bum during his second attempt to negotiate the steepest descent on the course – http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2005_x/herne_hill4.html +++ South African sensation GAVIN ‘NO LYIN’ RYAN takes 4th at the San Fairy Ann E/1/2 race at Eastway, beating some Guy who came 10th – http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006/san_f3.html +++

GOALED OVER
It’s been an emotional journey of self-discovery, and hopefully this motivational issue has helped you reach your true potential. Many thanks to everyone who sent in their inspirational tales this week – and please remember that we are only a humble Anthony Robbins and we would be nothing without you, our pro-active goal-achievers. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘LIFE COACH’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we experience a new level of growth, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a desire to further your personal development as an individual.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #91, 17.03.06
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail news, views, and gossip to news@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click “newsletter” +++ Have a peek at our pics at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_personal.php?user_id=321 +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, cloudy, 7C max, wind E 13mph; Sun, cloudy, 8C max, wind NE 17mph +++
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Exclusive deals for London Dynamo members at CycleFit, including: 5 per cent off Serotta, Elite TT and Glider frames 10 per cent off all parts, shoes and accessories (including Sidi, Rocket 7, Polar) 20 per cent off all CycleFitting, Cardio/Fitness Testing and Sidas Custom Footbeds E-mail info@cyclefit.co.uk for details or see http://www.cyclefit.co.uk
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WATER GREAT IDEA!
+++ Dynamo bottles on sale at Parkride tomorrow +++
A couple of years ago during a torrential downpour at Goodwood, a certain stylish squad announced its arrival on the cycling scene with the appearance of a snazzy blue jersey worn by PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN – and it wasn’t long before the distinctive design was plastered across dozens of gilets and skinsuits. Historic events like the first appearance of the now-legendary blue, black and orange kit – still available, incidentally, from club sponsors Cyclefit – only come along once in a while, but tomorrow will mark an equally Dynamo-mentous occasion when the Dynamo brand finally branches out into water bottles. That’s right, liquid-loving reader – you can now take a hearty swig from a London Dynamo bidon while wearing your favourite club kit…

http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_pic.php?pic_id=211

Just drink in that glorious image! In an echo of his sitcom shop assistant Dyna-moniker, chief bottler NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK will be selling the latest addition to the Dynamo range tomorrow at the Parkride – and his attractive prices are at least 20 per cent less than a certain High Street bike retailer would ask for a similar-sized receptacle that doesn’t display the name of the capital’s best beverage-imbibing club. Nick, who has done a sterling job of securing the high-quality 750ml bottles, will charge just £6 for two or £10 for four. Just remember to have the correct change when he opens up his car boot! In the meantime, there are plenty more refreshing Dynamatic items to gulp down, so let’s pop open the nipple cap of fact and squirt out some cool, wet news onto the face of our thirsty readership. Here comes a big splash…

KNOWING ‘MO, KNOWING YOU
+++ First-ever Dynamette in meet-the-members slot +++
Eagle-eyed readers will immediately notice that this particular section, which aims to introduce a different ‘Mo each week to the wider membership, has been given a higher billing in DYNAMITE! than usual – and there’s a very good reason why the editorial team has decided to make it the second item on the running order. Earlier this week, Membership Co-ordinator DAVID ‘SMILER’ NORRIS acted on the long-held observation made by Social Secretary PAUL ‘ALL-BLUE’ HARKNETT that the club needs to develop its slim number of female riders – so the Teddington titan suggested Dynamo should have its very own Ladies’ Secretary. The committee unanimously passed the motion, so now all we need are some willing volunteers! The aim of having the post – which Cheltenham Ladies’ College alumnus GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL will be disappointed to learn is open to women candidates only – is to encourage the growth of Dynamo’s female membership. The winner will be decided by a ballot of existing lady members once the candidate or candidates has submitted some form of manifesto. So if you think you fit the bill or would like to know more, Dyna-mail news@londondynamo.co.uk with “Ladies’ Secretary” in the subject heading and we’ll pass on your details. To help with David’s gender equality drive, this publication has decided to showcase the first Dynamette in our brilliant getting-to-Mo-you section – although we would like to stress that the person in question didn’t know at the time that the Ladies Secretary post was going to be created, so the following should not be interpreted as an attempt at electioneering. With that political note out of the way, we can now hand you over to KIMBERLY KABATOFF, who’s looking for somebody to rub…

NAME: Kimberly Kabatoff, but you can call me Kimbers
AGE: 37. (Honest. I expect I’ll start lying about it soon, though.)
OCCUPATION: When I actually do work (I’ve been a lady of leisure for quite a while now) it’s as a management consultant on projects in the investment banking industry involving large-scale systems implementations and organisational change. But I’m currently studying sports massage and my dream job would be working as soigneur with a professional cycling team! So I’m interested in helping out at races if there’s anything useful I could do. This also seems like a great opportunity to appeal for willing victims, erm I mean volunteers, to help me log the 100 hours of massage practice I need to complete my qualification. If you’re willing to travel to my place (see answer to next question below), I’ll give you free massage. Contact me at massage@ktkabatoff.plus.com
LOCATION: E1, near Limehouse DLR Station
BIKE: LeMond Reno in stealth black and racy red
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN RIDING? Since way back in May, 2005
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN A MEMBER? Less than a year
WHY DID YOU JOIN THE CLUB? I wanted to join a cycling club to avoid becoming the typical triathlete cyclist with no bike-handling ability. Why Dynamo specifically? I asked the guys at Cyclefit for advice and was naive enough to follow it
WHAT ARE YOUR GOALS THIS SEASON? I’m racing middle distance triathlon and would like to post a sub-three-hour bike split (90km) in at least one of my races
IF YOU HAD TO CHOOSE YOUR OWN DYNA-MONIKER, WHAT WOULD IT BE? If you wanted to get alliterative, I could be “Canuck” which would be entirely true but boring. Or “The Kannibal” with the “K” ensuring it’s obviously meant ironically. Or how about Kim “Possible” Kabatoff?
HAS VOLUBLE FORMER CLUB PRESIDENT GUY ANDREWS EVER SHOUTED AT YOU ON THE PARKRIDE? No-one’s yet shouted at me. You’ve all been perfect gentlemen
LANCE OR TOM (BOONEN, NOT HEMMANT)? Anyone but Lance
GO BAR OR POWERBAR? Powerbar – especially the TdF KOM special edition caffeinated coconut crisp flavour
FAVOURITE AND LEAST FAVOURITE PART OF THE NEWSLETTER? I think “Knowing ‘Mo, Knowing You” will become my favourite part
FINALLY, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO KEN BUIST IF YOU MET HIM? I’m shy, so I’d wait for him to say something first

Cheers, Kimberly! You are now in the running for a month’s supply of Maximuscle energy and recovery drink courtesy of club sponsors Cyclefit, which will be awarded to the best entry we receive as judged by DYNAMITE! at the end of the year. But perhaps the following story is a better incentive for the chosen few plucked from this organ’s famous Bucket of Luck (TM), as it shows what good fortune can come your way in a race after you fill out our probing questionnaire…

AUSSIE RULES
+++ Newcomer Sneyd wins sprint at Alfold +++
First there was RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS, who won his second consecutive race after DYNAMITE! christened him with a prophetic Dyna-moniker – and now another previously-unknown Dynamate has gone onto great things following his appearance in this very publication. Step forward last week’s Knowing Mo, Knowing You star MICHAEL ‘FLOYD’ SNEYD, who nailed 2nd at the 3rd cat race in Alfold on Sunday by out-sprinting the pack while tenacious NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK held the Australian’s wheel to take 5th…

http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006_sl/6_alfold.html

The bunch was 20 seconds behind first-placed Niall Digby of Sigma – and hard man ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY deserves a special mention for going with almost every single break during the 55-mile race. Fifteenth on the finishing sheet doesn’t do your efforts justice, buddy! There was more bad luck the previous day in Crowhurst…

http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006_sl/5_crowhurst.html

…when baby-faced DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE was forced out of a promising break in the 60-mile 2/3 race due to a puncture, leaving RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT to reclaim some Dynamo glory by taking 3rd in the sprint, giving him 8th overall. And David made up for his misfortune by nabbing 12th at Alfold’s 2/3 event on Sunday with Rusty finishing two places behind him…

http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006_sl/7_alfold.html

Expect to see expert climber Rusty higher up the list of finishers when the tactically-aware tiddler isn’t on such a flat course!

SOMETHING TO POUT ABOUT
+++ At last – Powdrill gets new hat +++
Finally, TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT’s 7th place at the E/1/2/3 Spring Chicken race in Charndon, Bucks, was overshadowed this weekend by fellow Dynamo big-hitter GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL. The twin-piston powerhouse was hurtling around freezing Eastway on Saturday where he scraped into the points with 15th place in the Simon Hook Memorial E/1/2 race – but more importantly, he finally responded to his team-mates’ mockery by ditching his cube-like yellow helmet in favour of a more stylish crash-lid…

http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_pic.php?pic_id=210

That’s the proud pout of a man who knows the riders behind him are no longer pointing and laughing!

LAST DROP
We’ve reached the bottom of the bidon, which means there is just time to thank everyone who contributed to this issue before we petulantly toss it, Cipollini-style, at a hapless commissaire. Please remember that DYNAMITE! is a flimsy bottle cage and it would be nothing without you, the bolts that keep it lodged to the frame, so please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘BEVERAGE’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we suck on a dry plastic nipple, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a flip-top cap.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #92, 24.03.06
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail news, views, and gossip to news@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click “newsletter” +++ Have a peek at our pics at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_personal.php?user_id=321 +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, showers, 13C max, wind SW 16mph; Sun, cloudy, 14C max, wind SW 14mph +++
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Exclusive deals for London Dynamo members at CycleFit, including:
5 per cent off Serotta, Elite TT and Glider frames
10 per cent off all parts, shoes and accessories (including Sidi, Rocket 7, Polar)
20 per cent off all CycleFitting, Cardio/Fitness Testing and Sidas Custom Footbeds
E-mail info@cyclefit.co.uk for details or see http://www.cyclefit.co.uk
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PLOT’S GOING ON?
+++ Disturbing ‘co-incidences’ take trio out of Dunsfold race +++
As a level-headed seeker of truth, your favourite fact-based Dyna-matic update has always scoffed at the more outlandish theories surrounding famous historical events – but in light of the strange occurrences in Dunsfold on Sunday, DYNAMITE! is beginning to believe that the Moon landings really were rigged up in Keith Butler’s back garden. It is surely no co-incidence that London Dynamo had a much larger turnout than any other club in the 3rds race and also ended up with more flat tyres than the rest of the field. It’s a conspiracy, Dynamates! Cheesed-off ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY, NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK and MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON all punctured almost simultaneously on the same bend, forcing them to retire on the first lap. Look closely on the tarmac and you’d probably find red, white and blue drawing pins scattered around bearing the name of A Certain Hampton Wick Retailer! Another disturbing move took place after the race when mid-bunch finisher CHRIS ‘CALAMITY’ CAMPBELL was cruelly omitted from the results sheet – but not even the shadowy puppet-masters of the Surrey League could deny the barmy blue, black and orange army’s domination of the top 10…

http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006_sl/9_dunsfold.html

Marking himself out once again as a name to watch, the indomitable RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS caught a late four-man break as they turned into the off-circuit finishing climb, bagging him 2nd place behind Army CU’s Pete Connelly. The bunch followed 20 seconds later, with PAUL DELAHUNTY, MICHAEL SNEYD and JOE ‘CHEEKY BEGGAR’ STEGERS taking 6th, 7th and 8th respectively. Awesome stuff! We’ve got a few more startling tales ready to hurl themselves towards you faster than a plastic plate spinning its way towards a sneaky photographer Roswell, New Mexico, so come with us we reveal what Nostradamus could never have predicted. Here comes the truth the authorities didn’t want you to know…

NOTTA LOTTA BOTTLE
+++ Hurry – Dynamo bidons going fast +++
The DYNAMITE! gallery’s exclusive picture of a Dynamo-branded water bottle generated a record number of hits within 24 hours of its appearance…

http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_pic.php?pic_id=211&sid=dd55646e77c78c7247bf0438aa9d539d

…so it came as no surprise that the picnic benches outside Roehampton Gate’s café resembled Nine Elms Market as genial barrow boy NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK flogged dozens of the dazzling bidons to eager buyers on Saturday. Supplies have dipped almost to halfway point, so make sure you stick around after the Parkride tomorrow to grab a few of the limited-edition blue-capped bottles at the bargain price of £6 for two or four for a tenner. They won’t be around for long!

RAIN IN SPAIN FALLS MAINLY ON THE PAINED
+++ Hayter and Spies go at it for 24 hours +++
Knobbly-tyred nutters STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES and WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER proved once again that Dynamo is the big tortilla in endurance events by taking part in Spain’s first-ever 24-hour mountain bike race. Will says of the Giant Internacional 24 Horas de MTB, which took place at the weekend near Coin in southern Spain: “We signed up with visions of sunshine and dusty trails, only to arrive in the middle of a three-day torrential downpour. It turned the course into a quagmire, covered our glamorous blue, black and orange attire in a thick layer of browny-red mud and soaked us to the skin on most laps.” Bad luck, chaps! Undeterred by the conditions, the Dynamo-ic duo battled against the field of Spanish and British teams to take 2nd in the men’s pairs event behind the 24-hour experts from energy bar outfit Team Torq. Nice work, fellas! Their gloriously tacky trophy certainly raised a smile…

http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_pic.php?pic_id=215

… and if they’re as puerile as this publication, Dynamo’s MTB representatives may have had a titter at the “Moist And Chewy” advertising slogan plastered across the winning team’s bottoms. That’s one outfit you don’t want to be wearing down Old Compton Street!

IT’S CHEST NOT FAIR
+++ Asthma attack scuppers Callinan’s chance of victory +++
A recent bout of bronchitis failed to stop PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN from entering the Maidenhead and District CC 30-mile hilly time trial on Sunday – and incredibly, the recovering Kingston killer was the fastest at the split with a time of 59:00. An asthma attack at the foot of the two-mile climb to the line meant he finished 02:03 behind the winning time of 01:13:39 posted by Chris Stocks of Team Orca UK – but 4th-placed Paul said of his impressive split: “It’s a good omen for the rest of the season when I recover.” He’ll probably be the breath by far!

KNOWING ‘MO, KNOWING YOU
+++ Cheeky City chap features in our get-to-Mo-you-better section +++
This week’s entrant in our ongoing bid to showcase lesser-known ‘Mos warns that some of his answers “contain an attempt at humour”, which sounds like our kind of Dynamate. Let the chuckles commence!

NAME: Jason Baran
AGE: 26
OCCUPATION: Generic City type
LOCATION: Tower of London
RACING CATEGORY: 4th
BIKE: A Lancey-likey Madone 5.9 SL
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN RIDING? Since November
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN A MEMBER? Since the end of January
WHY DID YOU JOIN THE CLUB? Nice website, nice kit, and a reputation for going fast!
WHAT ARE YOUR GOALS THIS SEASON? Move to as high a cat as possible, day-job permitting
WHAT HAS BEEN YOUR BEST-EVER EXPERIENCE ON A BIKE? Anytime the weather is sunny and travelling back through Clapham after the Saturday ride… guaranteed to be full of fine young fillies!
WHICH DYNAMATE’S BIKE DO YOU MOST ENVY AND WHY? A rather lovely red steel De Rosa. Dunno whose it is as it was parked by the café when I last saw it
WHICH DYNAMATE’S LEGS DO YOU MOST ENVY AND WHY? Think we need to get more women in the club before I can make a judgement
IF YOU HAD TO CHOOSE YOUR OWN DYNA-MONIKER, WHAT WOULD IT BE? “Crotch-Rocket”
HAS FORMER CLUB PRESIDENT GUY ANDREWS EVER SHOUTED AT YOU ON THE
PARKRIDE? IF SO, DID YOU FIND IS INSPIRING OR IRRITATING? Slighty irritating in that he was telling half the fast group on the Saturday ride to… not go fast
SEROTTA: HOTTER OR ROT? Hot – as in, if I ever managed to have one, it would probably be stolen.
LANCE OR TOM (BOONEN, NOT HEMMANT)? Lance, obviously!
GO BAR OR POWERBAR? No idea as I usually munch on Alpen bars and malt
loaves (or “energy bricks” as I like to call them)
FAVOURITE AND LEAST FAVOURITE PART OF THE NEWSLETTER? Favourite – the wild and crazy theme that runs through each letter. Least favourite – well it’s all good really! (i.e. when do I get my supply of energy stuff?)
FINALLY, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO KEN BUIST IF YOU MET HIM? Hello

Cheers, buddy! As Jason indicates, club sponsors Cyclefit are offering a month’s supply of Maximuscle energy and recovery drink to the best Knowing ‘Mo, Knowing You entry of the year, as judged by this publication’s editorial team – so remember to send back your completed questionnaire if you have been plucked from the DYNAMITE! Bucket of Luck (TM). You don’t need to be as blatant as Mr Barans to win!

THINGS CAN ONLY GET PETA
+++ McSharry is club’s very first Ladies’ Secretary +++
Following last week’s bid to encourage more female participation, Membership Co-ordinator DAVID ‘SMILER’ NORRIS has confirmed that PETA McSHARRY will take up the post of Ladies’ Secretary. Any Dynamettes who want to contact her can send a Dyna-mail to peta@sportsmassagezone.co.uk. Welcome aboard, pal!

…AND A FEW ‘MO THINGS…
+++ Third place for ADAM STONE at SERRL’s 4th cat race at Eastway – http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006/serrl_1_4.html +++ GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY 13th at Dunsfold 2/3 race – http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006_sl/8_dunsfold.html +++ Dynamo caps and spring gilets have been ordered – watch this space… +++

THERE’S KNOLL LEFT
The convoluted trail linking Princess Diana’s death to 9/11 and the grassy knoll at the scene of JFK’s assassination has left us tied up in knots, which means there’s just time to thank everyone who contributed to this issue before we begin untangling ourselves. Please remember that we are the best-selling Da Vinci Code, but we would be nothing without you, our lesser-known Holy Blood, Holy Grail. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘MAN IN BLACK’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, for one week only, is TUESDAY afternoon for Friday’s edition. This change is due to the editorial team jetting off to Mallorca on Thursday with the Dyna-management to prepare for the club’s highly-anticipated training camp. It is definitely not part of a grand conspiracy orchestrated on the upper floors of Dynamo Towers – honest! And now, as a svelte Elvis leaves the building alive and well, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and incontrovertible evidence of the Illuminati’s existence.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #93, 31.03.06
——————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail news, views, and gossip to news@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click “newsletter” +++ Have a peek at our pics at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_personal.php?user_id=321 +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, light showers, 13C max, wind SW 15mph; Sun, sunny, 14C max, wind SW 17mph +++
——————————————————————————–

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Exclusive deals for London Dynamo members at CycleFit, including: 5 per cent off Serotta, Elite TT and Glider frames 10 per cent off all parts, shoes and accessories (including Sidi, Rocket 7, Polar)
20 per cent off all CycleFitting, Cardio/Fitness Testing and Sidas Custom Footbeds E-mail info@cyclefit.co.uk for details or see http://www.cyclefit.co.uk
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ILL AND RACE
+++ Sickness hits Dynamo ranks +++
Since its inception, this publication has been an unashamed cheerleader for each and every Dynamate, particularly those who slug it out against rival clubs in races throughout the season – so you can imagine the guilt that has wracked the editorial team this week as it prepares to jet off to a sun-kissed Mallorcan resort for the club’s training camp…

http://www.clubpollentia.com/

…just as a number of notable ‘Mos have either taken to their sickbed, had their legs torn off, or been involved in a crash. Contrary to what our last edition stated, ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY retired from the 3rd cat race at Dunsfold due to a dicky tummy rather than a puncture – and genial Gen Sec NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK fell prey to a stomach bug on Wednesday which ruled him out of Barcombe. Rising star RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS also skipped Sunday’s lumpy 62-miler after catching a death of cold the day before at Eastway – more of which later – and leather lover HUW ‘AITCH’ WATKINS scuffed his Rapha retro mitts after the bunch squeezed past an oncoming car, causing him to come off in the final lap of the wet West Sussex event. It never rains but it pours! The mud-spattered race was won by Martin Markowski of Bayeux Landscapes, and Dynamo’s up-and-coming Aussie MICHAEL ‘LORD BE PRAISED’ SNEYD managed to salvage some glory for the club when he took 9th…

http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006_sl/10_barcombe.html

…while Rob narrowly missed out on the points by finishing two places behind him in the strung-out threes contest. Unlucky, pal! At roughly the same time in Yoxhall, Staffs, shagged-out GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL mysteriously ran out of gas at the frenetic 1/2/3 Royal Sutton RR – and now you have the opportunity to come with us to Valley End, Surrey, as we reveal how another Dynamo big-hitter suffered woes of his own. Get ready to feel as sick as a parrot…

SHORTS AND GIRLY
+++ Dynamette comes to Paine’s aid in clothing crisis +++
Master of understatement IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE admits that “things did not exactly go to plan” at the Hounslow Spring RR on Sunday after he turned up to enter on the line and realised his shorts weren’t in his kit bag. Doh! The 1st cat fireball, who scraped a place on the starting line as the 11th of eleven reserves, was forced to sit around in his boxers while kind Dynamette LUCY ‘DEMURE’ DOVE drove back home to get him a spare pair and returned minutes before the race began. Then, at barely five miles into the E/1/2 race, Ian punctured. He revealed: “It was a very slow change, but nothing that three miles at 45mph courtesy of a helping hand from the PCA team car’s window couldn’t sort out!” His day of distress drew to a close when he missed the main split with about 30 miles to go, leaving him to roll in at the back of the bunch with Lucy’s fella TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT. Better luck next time, pal!

RICH PICKINGS
+++ Eastway sees another placing for Simmonds +++
He’s done it again! Ascendant Dynamo star RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS racked up more points at the weekend by coming 6th at the second South East RR League event at Eastway…

http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006/serrl_2.html

The feisty rider, who jumped across to the winning seven-man break with about eight laps gone, says: “God knows how we managed to stay away. As a unit we seemed about as effective as a UN peacekeeping force. I actually had a sore throat from the amount of shouting I was doing trying to get the group to work. Scary when you think they’re 2nd cats!” The circuit turned slippery once the heavens opened with 15 miles to go, and the bunch had the breakaway in their sights – so Rich attacked on the hill, only to get caught and lead out the sprint to the finish of the 2/3/4 race which was won by Rapha/Condor ‘s Dominic Gabelini. “All in all,” Richard says, “I was pretty happy with 6th place.” But once over the line, he began shivering uncontrollably. He reveals: “A couple of hours later I was wrapped up in a fleece in bed feeling like I had flu.” Somehow, we don’t think he’s going to be out of action for long!

KEN WATCH!
+++ Buist sweats it out +++
Spring has sprung – and the slight increase in temperature has caught out Dynamo’s favourite slippery Kiwi KEN ‘LEGGINGS’ BUIST. Eagle-eyed MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT spotted the reclusive ‘Mo ferociously powering down Bagley’s Lane in Fulham wearing a full blue Assos jumpsuit. Martin comments: “Over-layered and over-angry – that’s our Ken!” You can say that again!

CRAIG’S CRASH
+++ He’s out of danger +++
Finally, PAUL ‘ALL-BLUE’ HARKNETT has reported that CRAIG LEIPER is on the mend and has been back on his bike following a nasty crash on Wednesday 22nd – but sadly he won’t be coming on the training camp. We wish him a speedy recovery…

http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?t=692&highlight=

…AND A FEW ‘MO THINGS…
+++ Watch out rival 2nd cats – speedy DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE showed off his super-fast carbon Time machine outside the café after the Parkride on Saturday +++ Famous British architect rumoured to have joined Dynamo – more news as we get it +++ Unlucky JAMES ‘CURSES’ KINMONT punctures… while on his turbo +++

MEDICINE’S GONE DOWN
We hope we have delivered just the tonic to get you through the week, which means there’s just time to thank everyone for their contributions this week before we shut up the pharmacy. Always remember we are the medicine but you are the spoonful of sugar, so please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘BENYLIN’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. As DYNAMITE! is currently in Mallorca for the training camp, the next newsletter will be greatly reduced and the deadline has been moved to Wednesday 5th April for the edition after next. And now, as the Tixylix trickles down your throat, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a dose of Dextromethorphan.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #94, 07.04.06
——————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail news, views, and gossip to news@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click “newsletter” +++ Have a peek at our pics at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_personal.php?user_id=321
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WE’RE AWAY…
…at Dynamo’s training camp in Mallorca, but please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘ABSENT’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition, which will include details of all, none, or some of the following events from the camp:
– What happened after GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL put the power down on a climb en route to Bunyola and heard a horrible “ping” coming from his rear wheel.
– How boyish DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE was forced to wear an unusually tight pair of shorts due to his luggage failing to arrive at Palma airport.
– The astonishment generated by PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT’s brand new Seven when he pointed out the frame isn’t in his trademark colour.
And now, as Mrs Dynamite kindly sends this missive on our behalf, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and directions to Pollencia.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #95, 14.04.06
——————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail news, views, and gossip to news@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click “newsletter” +++ Have a peek at our pics at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_personal.php?user_id=321 +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 14C max, wind SE 8mph; Sun, sunny intervals, 17C max, wind N 10mph +++
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BAGS OF FUN
+++ Luggage delay fails to dampen training campers’ spirits +++
They arrived at Palma airport for their flight home, each with around 500 arduous training miles in their legs. They waited an eternity while hopeless British Midland staff gradually began to comprehend that they had already paid to have their bikes put on the plane. They boarded their flight more than an hour late due to a security alert. And when they finally got to Heathrow, it looked like half of them were going to walk away empty-handed from the barren luggage carousels before baggage staff eventually pulled their fingers out. But none of these setbacks, or even the torrential downpour that greeted them as they headed down the M4, could dampen the spirits of the tanned 18-strong party which returned from Dynamo’s annual foreign jaunt on Sunday – because for the preceding seven days they had experienced what many old hands agreed was the best training camp since Cyclefit’s PHIL ‘NO-NONSENSE’ CAVELL and JULIAN ‘WONDER’ WALL began taking groups to Mallorca five years ago. For the first week in April 2006, the island became Dyna-Mallorca as the barmy blue, black and orange army barelled through the north of the Balearic isle in a two-line formation which was tighter than DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE’s kiddie-sized shorts – and the pace was more blistering than DAVID ‘PINKY’ GARDENER’s sunburn. It doesn’t get any hotter than that! The warm weather certainly made the San Miguels taste sweeter as the campers bantered about the day’s riding by the pool – so pack your bags as we return to the Club Pollentia resort to reveal what GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS, PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN, CHRIS ‘CALAMITY’ CAMPBELL, CARLOS ‘THE JACKAL’ CONCEICAO, KEVIN ‘FULLA S***’ FITZPATRICK, PAUL ‘ALL-BLUE’ HARKNETT, STUART ‘POSTAL’ JEFFREYS, ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY, GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY, RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON, NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK, GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL, RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT, TONY ‘CHUCKLES’ SMEDLEY, STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES, SIMON ‘RIGHT REVEREND’ WRIGHT, DAVID ‘GOLIATH’ ANDREWS, and the two other abovementioned Davids were cracking jokes about. Let’s unzip that bulging suitcase of anecdotes…

IT’S A KIT TIGHT
+++ Streule’s shorts story +++
The Mallorcan senoritas got quite an eyeful on the second day of the camp when boyish DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE emerged from his hotel room wearing a snug-fitting pair of blue shorts for the ride to San Salvador. Baggage handlers had misplaced all of his luggage, including his trusty Cannondale, forcing the lanky lad to rent a bike and buy some temporary kit from a local shop run by a helpful friend of GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY. Thankfully, all of David’s gear eventually turned up – and PAUL ‘ALL-BLUE’ HARKNETT witnessed the locals giving him a round of applause on the rest day when the show-off cycled up a flight of stairs in the town square. All those years spent mountain biking in his youth finally paid off!

A WHEEL SHAME
+++ Powdrill misses out on hallowed climb due to mechanical +++
During the week-long team competition, the head-to-head battle for points between 1st cat fireball GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL and 2nd cat sensation STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES provided most of the drama at the top of each arduous ascent – but sadly, the twin-piston powerhouse ruled himself out of contention on Thursday, leaving the rest of the group to tackle what has traditionally been the camp’s most testing climb. Guy put the power down on a steep switchback en route to the day’s first cafe stop in Bunyola, snapping not one, not two, but THREE whole spokes on his treasured Cosmic carbons. Unlucky, buddy! Thankfully, Dyna-manager RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT had decided to take the team car due to his knee causing problems the previous day, so the miffed ‘Mo was able to throw his newly-repainted glittery-red carbon Trek in the back of the Fiat and join Rusty on the drive to the top of fearsome Puig ‘Pug’ Major. He would have had a 30-mile walk home otherwise! From his vantage point in the rear passenger seat, Guy was able to witness one of the most determined rides of the trip as perennial “bobber” STUART ‘POSTAL’ JEFFREYS rocked like a bronco on his For Goodness Shakes-branded Colnago trying to stay with the fast-paced lead group, only to get dropped, fight his way back on, and then get cruelly dropped again. Incredible stuff! The other Stuart beat Guy into 2nd place at Arta the next day and repeated the result the day after on the final climb at Randa, which DYNAMITE! captured on its box Brownie…

http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_pic.php?pic_id=227&sid=8075d114f9f914ee52721b73529ef623

But the chirpy property broker, who won the inaugural retro time trial on Wednesday, refused to let the double defeat get him down – and with a little help from GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY’s camera trickery, he proved he still loves himself as much as ever…

http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_pic.php?pic_id=222&sid=8075d114f9f914ee52721b73529ef623

The cheek of the man!

MAKING HISS-TORY
+++ Carlos sets new record for punctures +++
The near-flawless navigation from the front of the pack by Dyna-managers RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT, NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK and PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN was part of the reason why 2006 was the most enjoyable training camp to date – but unlucky CARLOS ‘THE JACKAL’ CONCEICAO was probably more grateful for official puncture repair boy CHRIS ‘CALAMITY’ CAMPBELL riding at the back with a handy Zefal pump strapped to his shiny new unpainted titanium steed. The silver souffle, who was always around at those unpredictable moments of deflation, spent an entertaining hour at a deserted English-themed pub near Alcudia on Friday with PAUL ‘ALL-BLUE’ HARKNETT, DAVID ‘GOLIATH’ ANDREWS and Carlos after they stopped in the midst of the only downpour of the week to help the hairy-legged rider with his third puncture. That’s a training camp record which they got to witness first-hand!

WEARING A DIFFERENT GUYS
+++ Turncoat Andrews walks off with team prize +++
Despite NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK adjusting the scorecard with a hefty penalty for DAVID ‘GOLIATH’ ANDREWS’ failure to wear retro kit on the 2.7 mile time trial, the four-man team led by former Dynamo president GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS still managed to win the week-long points competition by a country mile, mainly thanks to STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES effortlessly finishing either 1st or 2nd on each climb. Curses! To make matters worse, style-obsessed Guy continually wore Rapha Condor kit on every single ride before jetting off on Thursday. We don’t care if you’re racing for another team this season – rules is frigging rules on the camp, pal! Happily, the RoadCyclingUK editor partially redeemed himself on Wednesday by raising a chuckle with his special TT machine, which you can view in our gallery…

http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_personal.php?user_id=321

…and DYNAMITE! is looking forward to seeing more great pictures of Dynamates taken by his amiable photographer Gerard ‘Neddy’ Brown during the trip. The club has never looked so good!

DID WE SEA YOU?
+++ Mystery ‘Mo spotted along coast +++
Our last item on the training camp agenda is a plea for an unknown ‘Mo to come forward. A chap in Dynamo kit was twice spotted wheeling along the coast past the hotel in a group of about a dozen riders, each of whom appeared to be wearing various pro-team replica outfits. Was this you? Dyna-mail news@londondynamo.co.uk to put us out of our misery!

ED TIRED
+++ McKinley gives his all at Ironman +++
It wasn’t just the training campers who were getting a tan – because over in the States, ED ‘THE MAN’ McKINLEY was sweating it out in 90-degree heat as he pushed himself to the limit at the Arizona Ironman. The affable American says: “The bike was the worst leg. It was a flat course and my back was good for 20 of the 112 miles in a tuck position. The mantra of the Cyclefit guys – ‘stretching makes you faster’ – couldn’t be more true.” It’s time to start touching your toes, buddy! Ed clocked a time of 11 hours 27 minutes, giving him an impressive 8th place in the 50-54 age group and 300th overall on the 2000-strong list of finishers. And no-one was more surprised than DYNAMITE! when Ed told minor ‘Mo CHRIS ‘CALAMITY’ CAMPBELL that their long winter rides together had contributed to his success. He revealed: “They were the core of my conditioning and I was singing your praises as I started that marathon, knowing that only the conditioning could get me through the next 26 miles.” So the West Ken lad has some use after all!

…AND A FEW ‘MO THINGS…
+++ Elite Dynamate TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT took 4th on Saturday at the Westerley CC E/1/2 race at Hillingdon, while a six-man sprint in the 3rd cat event saw WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER take the No.3 spot with JIM ‘CLARK’ KENT finishing 9th – http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006/westerley_crits2.html http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006/westerley_crits.html +++ Hardy JUSTIN ‘ON A WHIM’ SIMS dragged the bunch around at Ninfield’s 2/3 race on Sunday, reducing the main group to just over a dozen riders before he took 7th with CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN finishing one place behind – http://www.surreyleague.co.uk/results/results2006/apr2006/apr9pm.htm +++

BAG IT UP
The name tag has been filled in and the combination lock has clicked shut, which means there’s just enough time to wheel this edition to the check-in desk before we thank everyone who has contributed to this issue. Please remember that we are a sturdy Samsonite case but we would be nothing without you, our toiletries bag, so please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘RUCKSACK’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we discover our suitcase has exceeded the weight limit, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a trunk.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #96, 21.04.06
——————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click “newsletter” +++ Have a peek at our pics at
http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_personal.php?user_id=321 +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 17C max, wind E 5mph; Sun, light showers, 18C max, wind N 6mph +++
——————————————————————————–

CRASH SPAM WALLOPED
+++ Update your address book – Dyna-mail address has changed +++
Thanks to its unique blend of hand-crafted puns, bike-related news from across the south-east and KEN BUIST, this publication has attracted enormous attention from far beyond the cycling community – but like the proverbial rhinestone cowboy, the editorial team is constantly surprised by the sheer volume of Dyna-mails shoved in its inbox every day by people we don’t even know. There’s a generous Nigerian businessman, for example, who is begging to put £4million in our bank account in exchange for a one-off “goodwill” payment of £10,000, or the ever-helpful Zak571 who sends constant reminders to buy Microsoft Office for a knock-down price. And, of course, there are dozens of medical outlets offering to make this organ bigger, all of whom have never spoken to the perfectly-satisfied Mrs Dynamite. During the past two years, legions of such pen pals had stumbled across our contact details on the club’s website – but that address bit the dust this week when the Dynamo system crashed. Sadly, our replacement address will not be appearing on the web page, which means we will probably no longer receive around three-dozen flippin’ messages a day that have nothing whatsoever to do with Dynamo. We don’t know how we’ll cope! To complicate matters slightly, the system has crashed AGAIN, which is why this edition is a few hours late, and the address you have received this message from is an emergency replacement – so PLEASE DO NOT REPLY to this e-mail. Instead, send stuff to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk which should be up and running as soon as our new web hosts sort out the problem. Right then – back in the real world, many intrepid Dynamates put in an eggs-tra special effort at the weekend to make sure the club had a successful Easter – so come with us now as we reveal how one event in particular was “spammed” with more ‘Mos than any other race. Let’s turn on the junk filter…

STAPLE GUNNED
+++ Battalion of ‘Mos shoot down opposition in Surrey League showdown +++
The Dynamo Easter campaign got off to a cracking start on Saturday with diligent domestique DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE chasing down every break at the Milland Hill 2/3 event before finishing shattered at the back of the bunch. His efforts reaped dividends in the 60-mile race, which was won by Louis Charity of Team Corridori, as RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON took 5th, JUSTIN ‘ON A WHIM’ SIMS 6th, GAVIN ‘NO LYIN’ RYAN 7th, MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT 10th, GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY 12th and DAVID ‘PROFESSOR’ WILLIAMS 17th…

http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006_sl/13_milland.html

…although 2nd cat sensation STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES was left to chase the bunch in vain after a visit from the puncture fairy in the neutralised zone. Curses! The deflated South African blagged a front wheel off a spectator and sat coughing behind her van’s diesel smoke-cloud as she motor-paced him – but he made up for the disappointment by taking 5th at Staplefield on Bank Holiday Monday as part of the most well-organised Dynamo turnout so far this season. With a huge 11-man squad comprising CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN, RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS, MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON, and the Milland Hill ‘Mos, the pressure was on to come up with the goods – and Stu’s attempt at a chase less than 10 miles into the 60-miler turned into a two-man break with four others bridging across to the duo, including Justin. Baby-faced Streule once again played the role of blocker, this time aided by killer Kiwi Mason. Their efforts allowed the break to stay away and the race was won by Matthew Holmes of Artic-Shorter Rochford while Justin nabbed 3rd place. Nice one! Meanwhile, rising Dynamo star Simmonds admits he was feeling “a touch flat” after moving to 2nd cat the day before at the 1/2/3 SERRL race at Brenchley by taking 5th…

http://www.serrl.org.uk/SERRL%20Event%205%2006.htm

…but the super-strong fella still managed to clip off towards the end of Staplefield for a three-up with Gavin and Gordon. The finishing list is a testament to the group’s superb efforts, with seven of the top 15 places occupied by Dynamo…

http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006_sl/15_staplefeild.html

…and grateful Stu says: “I can’t thank the boys in blue, black and orange enough. They really controlled the race like champions and we really felt we rode the race as a team.” You’re an inspiration to us all, fellas!

ENGINE TROUBLE
+++ Powdrill hits deck at 3-Day +++
It wasn’t just the support events where Dynamo made its presence felt – compact mechanic SAM ‘THUMPER’ HUMPHESON finished a respectable 26th in the 58-strong general classification of the Surrey League 3-Day itself, mainly thanks to his 8th place in the opening race at Milland Hill…

http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006_sl/easter3_1.html

http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006_sl/easter3_r.html

…and eager IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE started the early winning break featuring stage winner Colin Roshier of Team Quest, only to get dropped two laps later on the course with the infamous short, sharp, shocking climb. Unlucky, pal! But it was GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL who suffered a greater misfortune during the next day’s stage at Dunsfold Aerodrome when he momentarily overlapped the wheel in front at the moment when the rider ahead decided to switch, causing the twin-piston powerhouse to hit the tarmac at 35mph. Ouch! The poor lad only had around 20 minutes of the race to go – and Ian reveals: “He has some pretty significant road rash and bruising but is basically OK.” Sam will no doubt be clamping Guy’s Omega to the jig in his Hampton Wick workshop fairly soon!

…AND A FEW ‘MO THINGS…
+++ Cycelfit’s WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE debuted the firm’s Eastway bike at the Lea Valley circuit on Monday, taking 6th at the Bill Temme Memorial E/1/2 race – http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006/bill_t.html – and then won Hillingdon on Tuesday – http://www.cyclefit.co.uk/glider_eastway.htm +++ Dynamo PAUL DELAINNTI came 8th in 3/4 race at Eastway – see link above +++ Links to the DYNAMITE! gallery in our last edition didn’t work due to the site crashing – the pics will be back up soon! +++

LIMP TO THE FINISH
We’re off to empty out our Dyna-mail trash, which is packed with sneaky opportunities to buy something called “vaigra” or “v-i-a-g-a-r”, which means there is just enough time to give a firm thank-you to everyone who sent in stuff for this issue. We’ll be back next week, so please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘CIALLIS’ BUIST to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk – but PLEASE DO NOT hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we mourn the loss of more “cheap meds” offers, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a spambot.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #97, 28.04.06
——————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click “newsletter” +++ Have a peek at our pics at
http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_personal.php?user_id=321 +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 14C max, wind N 7mph; Sun, light showers, 14C max, wind NW 12mph +++
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CRYSTAL CLEAR
+++ Newsletter’s signal switched back on in time for Palace +++
Since its inception more than two years ago, this publication has been a model of calmness and professionalism – but the newsletter’s famous soundproof bunker descended into a scene of utter panic last week when our Dyna-mail system went down, leaving the editorial team with no means of sending Britain’s favourite Dyna-matic update to its ever-growing army of loyal readers. Despite his best efforts to rewire our trusty Vic-20, chief technician RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT failed to solve the problem with his trusty soldering gun, which meant DYNAMITE! had to rig up three emergency e-mail addresses in the early hours of Friday. Unfortunately, Yahoo! only allows 15 recipients a time, so mailing 250 members through multiple messages was about as easy as pushing mighty Magnus Backstedt’s legs through Rusty’s tiddly legwarmers. The difficulty of the task explains why some of you didn’t get issue #96 until the early hours of Saturday morning – and if you were one of the unlucky sods who got nothing at all, then hit your “reply” button to let us know so we can send it to you. We wouldn’t want anyone to miss out! Thankfully, our transmission from Dynamo Towers has now resumed normal service – which is appropriate, as Dynamo was sending a clear signal to its rivals on Tuesday under the shadow of south London’s iconic telecommunications transmitter, where IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE and STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES took 6th and 7th respectively after helping to bring back a four-man break in the first Crystal Palace crit of the season…

http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006/cp1.html

Stu’s top 10 position in the E/1/2 event – won by Scott Budgen of Pearson Cycles – came after he was involved in a stack at the ESL Spring Rumble at Eastway on Saturday which took his brand new tubular tyres off their rims. You don’t need ’em, pal! Later on, we’ll tilt our antennae towards the Dynamo committee to pick up what they’ve been up to during the past seven days – but first, lets tune in to some fashion news that’s bound to be on everyone’s wavelength. Let’s keep this frequency clear…

A LITTLE KIT MORE
+++ Make space in your wardrobe – spring gilets are now available +++
Aussie duo PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY and MICHAEL ‘WELL PLAYED’ SNEYD braved the bunch sprint at Chertsey’s 30-mile 3rd cat race on Saturday to finish 6th and 7th…

http://www.surreyleague.co.uk/results/results2006/apr2006/apr22-3.htm

…but even more thrillingly, they were among the lucky Dynamates who witnessed snappily-dressed Gen Sec NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK modelling the brand new Dynamo spring gilet in the car park next to the MoD circuit. It’s certainly an improvement on the boil-in-the-bag winter version! The stylish lightweight garments, which blend seamlessly with Cyclefit’s logo on the shoulder of the club’s jerseys, are available now for £40 from the Covent Garden HQ of our club sponsors…

http://www.cyclefit.co.uk/contact.htm

…and please remember you MUST pay by cheque made out to London Dynamo or cash. You don’t want to anger JULIAN ‘WONDER’ WALL when he’s on till duty!

THIN ALL-BLUE LINE
+++ Harknett chats to Richmond Park coppers +++
Social secretary PAUL ‘ALL-BLUE’ HARKNETT fulfilled an enjoyable engagement on Tuesday evening when he met Sgt Chris Duke for tea and biscuits at Holly Lodge in Richmond Park. The getting-to-know-you session was set up by the local constabulary to help them gain a better appreciation of Park matters affecting cyclists. You couldn’t have chosen a nicer club to speak to, fellas! As a result of Tuesday’s amiable chat, the police will now consult London Dynamo on issues relating to road cycling and safety in the park. In the meantime, please remember that groups on the Parkride should be two abreast with a maximum of 10 riders, and you should not overtake vehicles observing the speed limit. Also take care when passing other cyclists – and, of course, don’t be abusive to pedestrians or other road users. We’ve a reputation to uphold, Dynamates! And talking of safety, there will be a change to the Wednesday night ride this summer. See “This Week’s Rides” for more details…

HITTING THE LIMIT
+++ That’s it! Membership is now closed +++
The club passed yet another glorious milestone this week when the number of members hit 250 – and after an earnest discussion in the boardroom of Dynamo Towers, the committee has decided not accept any more membership applications for the time being. Just make sure those hankies are at the ready when you break the news to your clubless chums!

…AND A FEW ‘MO THINGS…
In-form fireball RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS finishes 3rd at the 56-mile 1/2/3 event at Chilham in Kent after bridging to the early break midway through the race – http://www.serrl.org.uk/SERRL%20Event%206%2006.htm +++ Training camper DAVID ‘PINKY’ GARDNER shows what a week slogging it out in Mallorca can do for your form by taking the No.6 spot at the 4th cat race at Eastway on Saturday – http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006/esl_rumb_2_4.html +++ Fully-recovered ALEX ‘BUSTED’ BASTIN finishes 25th among the 347-strong field at California’s Mulholland Challenge, which included 12,500 feet of climbing along Sunday’s 111-mile route +++

LONGWAVE GOODBYE
It’s time for Mrs Dynamite to pick up her chalk, blackboard and cuddly toy as we put up the test card for another week. We’ll be broadcasting again next Friday – and in the meantime, try to remember that we are a strong analogue signal but we would be nothing without you, out clear digital picture of the future. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘U.H.F.’ BUIST to our new address, which you can find at the top of the page if you are reading this on e-mail – or simply hit your “reply” button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we apologise for the loss of sound, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a timetable for digital switchover.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles. In the interests of safety, and because there is plenty of opportunity to ride at race pace at Hillingdon, Palace and Eelmore during the week, the Wednesday night ride will NOT switch to the park during the summer as it has in previous years.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #98, 05.05.06
——————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click “newsletter” +++ Have a peek at our pics at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_personal.php?user_id=321 +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, heavy rain, 16C max, wind NW 6mph; Sun, sunny intervals, 18C max, wind SW 7mph +++
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WON HELL OF A WEEK
+++ Four amazing wins, one nasty crash and a run-in with the law +++
This publication always aims to come up with an attention-grabbing opening paragraph to entice our excitable readership – but the editorial team could not have invented anything quite as dramatic as a certain race official’s announcement following the 3rd cat event at Norwood Hill on Sunday. The riders’ post-race chatter was silenced as the no-nonsense commisaire strode purposefully into Leigh Village Hall, smiled knowingly, and said: “You are probably all wondering why your licences… are IN MY HAND.” Having raised his voice to heighten the tension, he then upped the stakes by slowly lifting his left arm above his head to prove that he really was brandishing 50-odd laminated cards in his grip. No-one present had ever seen anything like it before and you could have cut the atmosphere with a pair of cable cutters. Clearly some wrongdoing had occurred – but were TONY ‘CHUCKLES’ SMEDLEY, ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY or any of the other assembled ‘Mos involved? And why was the fuming official flanked by police constable? It was like being in a detective novel, where the sleuth gathers all the suspects together in one room to reveal whodunnit before the bobby dutifully handcuffs the felon – and in keeping with a well-worn literary cliche of the genre, we’re going to keep you in suspense for a little longer as we turn our attention to no fewer than four classy wins by a trio of notable ‘Mos, taking in a crash at Hillingdon along the way. Ladies and gentlemen, let’s sift through the evidence…

ON TOT FORM
+++ Unstoppable Simmonds steps up yet another level with stage victory +++
It may seem hard to believe, but it was only a few months ago that RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS won a 4th cat race at Eastway – and after shooting through the ranks, the rising Dynamo star has once again proved the appropriateness of his Dyna-moniker by winning his first 1/2/3 race. Incredible stuff! The former “useful junior”, who only returned to racing this season, won the third and final stage of the Totnes-Vire two-day in Devon on Sunday…

http://www.britishcycling.org.uk/web/site/BC/roa/EventReports2006/20060430_Totnes.asp

Richard – pictured doing a magnificent victory salute in the above link – says: “I jumped off the front with a few others about five miles from the line and then dropped them up the finishing climb. Nice!” In addition to getting sunburnt, his win on the 100km stage propelled him to 4th place in the final GC, 28 seconds behind overall winner Ben Luckwell of Team GWR – and his efforts didn’t go unnoticed by Dyna-masseuse KIMBERLY ‘CANUCK’ KABATOFF, who reveals that Dicky boy offers himself up for her massage practise more than any other ‘Mo. So that’s the secret of his success!

CHIN AND BEAR IT
+++ Paine carries on after crash +++
Plucky IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE was another Dynamate who lived up to his nickname this week when he came down on Sunday near the end of the first stage of the Chas Messenger race. Ian avoided the messy pile-up at Hillingdon by veering onto the grass, only for a rider to knock him face-first onto the gravel path. He says: “I finished the race before pedalling off to Hillingdon A&E to get seven stitches in my chin to cover my jaw bone back up.” Ow-wow-ow, fella!

GLIDER AWAY!
+++ Triumph for Warrick at super-fast Palace race +++
Crit-loving Ian managed to recover in time for his weekly fix of Crystal Palace action – but his misfortune continued when he developed a slow puncture while trying to bridge across to WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE in the E/1/2 event. Unlucky, pal! Cyclefit sensation Warrick held off the rapidly-gaining pack on Tuesday to win by seven seconds…

http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006/cp2.html

…and his solo breakaway was all the more remarkable given that the 28-lap race was the fastest held on the park’s circuit in recent memory. It was also his second victory on Cyclefit’s new Glider Eastway bike. Just watch those orders flood in to Dynamo’s club sponsors from wannabe Warricks everywhere!

ONE-MINUTE WONDER
+++ Callinan wins TT by 60 seconds – then does it again +++
The DYNAMITE! team gave itself a pat on the back when last week’s edition was mailed out a few hours earlier than usual – but we held our head in our hands when PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN sent some astonishing late news shortly afterwards which would have gone in under normal circumstances. Damn our unusually efficient behaviour! It turns out the Kingston killer arrived at the Hounslow Wheelers time trial in Chertsey last Thursday and “felt like a bag of spanners going down a staircase” riding the shortened 7.6 mile course. Paul posted a time of 17:53 – and he reveals: “I thought I hadn’t done very well so I started to pack and head home. As I was leaving someone went, ‘That guy won by a minute!’ He was pointing at me!” The chap was right, you know…

http://www.hounslowanddistrictwheelers.co.uk/results/06/c_10_2.html

Incredibly, Paul returned last night and won by a minute AGAIN by finishing 14 seconds faster than the previous week. Keep it up and you’ll be travelling back in time by the end of the season, pal!

NORWOOD YOU BELIEVE IT
+++ Copper plays unusual role in sprint finish +++
Time, now, to return to the nail-biting cliff-hanger set up by our introduction, which readers with long memories may remember involved a Surrey League race official on the verge of issuing a stern ticking-off to the 3rd cat riders who had just taken part in the morning event at Norwood Hill. The commisaire complained that the competitors had repeatedly ignored the police outrider’s orders to stop going over the white lines, which means there may never be another event held on the circuit ever again. Minutes earlier, the safety-conscious bobby had briefly slowed the bunch sprint to a crawl before letting it briefly pick up towards the narrow finish – and puncture-hit PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY, who was watching from the line, was surprised to see the officer come 5th with his horn blaring. That’s not a fair cop! The results from the race have not yet surfaced, raising fears that the event has been declared null and void by BCF officials, which would be a shame for TONY ‘CHUCKLES’ SMEDLEY who came 4th in his first race for a decade. There’s no justice! The 2/3 race saw a repeat of the post-race lecture with an added 20-minute talk at the start, and poor MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT is thankful he hasn’t gone deaf from the constant scream of the siren. We’ll reveal which three ‘Mos made the top 10 if the results eventually appear…

‘MOTTE OF WORK TO DO
+++ Sportive sorts urged to get training on North Downs +++
Eager JOHN WITTS wants to get as many Marmotte-bound ‘Mos as possible on the south face of the North Downs to train for the French sportive event, which takes place in eight weeks – and he’s got quite a few hints for the legions of Dynamates taking part. Take it away, John! “Thanks, pal. The three-mile descent to Valois and the feed station is followed by the big one up the Galibier – and don’t be fooled by the crest in the distance that looks like the top. Wait until you have got there and can see what you have got to do through the ‘snowfield’ which can take a good 45 minutes. Bear in mind that the first time I did the event it was sleeting when I went over the top of the Galibier. Relief at getting to this summit at 2,600m is soon tempered by the very difficult descent down to the main road. Forget heroics – just do it safely as the consequences of even one second’s lack of concentration are too serious to think of. You can floor it once you’ve got to the main road, as long as the wind is not howling up the valley and you are having to little-ring it all the way down to Bourg. At this point you will know if you have made the biggest mistake of your cycling life and got to the bottom of Alp D’Huez with 100 miles on the clock and nothing in the tank. If you have, you will not be alone and will have to force every single pedal stroke all the way to the top. If you are on a good day, expect to feel a tiny bit better, but not much, particularly as the bottom 4 ramps are the hardest thing you will do on a bike this year.” It’s exhausting just reading about it!

JUST NOT FAIR
+++ Let’s sort out last week’s errors +++
Finally, just a brief note to say JUSTIN ‘ON A WHIM’ SIMS pulled out one of his trademark powerhouse sprints at the 3rd cat race in Chertsey to take 2nd on the Saturday before last…

http://www.surreyleague.co.uk/results/results2006/apr2006/apr22-3.htm

We overlooked his impressive result at the MoD circuit in our previous edition. Sorry, Just! And apologies to PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY. He’s a Kiwi, not an Aussie!

CASE CLOSED
We’ve solved the mystery of who killed the beautiful heiress, which means that there’s just enough time to thank everyone who contributed to this issue. We’ll be back next week, so please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘BUTLER DID IT’ BUIST to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the guilty man is lead away, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a magnifying glass.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #99, 12.05.06
——————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click “newsletter” +++ Have a peek at our pics at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_personal.php?user_id=321 +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, light showers, 19C max, wind SW 16mph; Sun, light showers, 18C max, wind W 13mph +++
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GOT ‘EM LICKED
+++ Ice-cool duo lead results haul +++
For many child-like Dynamates, the weekly arrival of this periodical creates a similar level of excitement to hearing the tinkling tune of an ice cream van echoing from the end of the street on a warm summer’s day – and this week’s first scoop from the tub of news reveals how IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE licked the opposition at Palace on Thursday. Ice-cool RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS will add the tasty flake to issue 99 with a couple of top ten finishes, so cone with us as we detail many other Magnum-ificent results. Let’s Whippy up a storm…

SPOKE THE TRUTH
+++ Honest Hemmant refuses to blame DNF on mechanical +++
His gentlemanly nature has been a feature of DYNAMITE! since its inception – so it comes as no surprise to hear TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT admit that he decided to pull out of the second round of the South East Series five minutes AFTER snapping a spoke. And modest as ever, the elite lad is happy to shine the spotlight on his 1st cat team-mate IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE, who won a prime and earned a few points by finishing 16th in the National B-ranked event on Sunday…

http://tinyurl.com/mjsba

The Balham blammer instigated a breakaway with former pro Rob Hurd on the first lap of the 77-mile E/1/2 race in Edenbridge, Kent – and Tom muses: “I reckon that he could have done even better but he was in a break with just one other rider, so I guess he was a little jaded by the time the finish came.” Not on Tuesday he wasn’t! Ian admits he was “a little surprised” to win the E/1/2 race at Palace, which marked the return of Agiskoviner fastman Brett Perez…

http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006/cp3.html

…who partnered Ian in his early two-man break before they were joined by Apollo’s Julian Clark – and a drop in their pace during the final 6km saw Guy Pearson of Pearson Cycles bridge across with a lap to go. The pack finished a mere 5secs behind with STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES taking 7th overall. Lovely stuff, fellas! But what’s this late breaking news being spewed out of the newsletter’s ticker tape machine? Why, it seems Ian just has won the Surrey League handicap at South Nutfield. More details next week!

CRAN HE KICK IT?
+++ Yes he can! Simmonds scores at Andy Morrison memorial +++
High-achieving RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS missed the break at the Andy Morrison memorial at Cranfield, Bedfordshire, on Saturday yet still managed to get off the front near the end to take 5th in the 2/3/4 40-miler…

http://tinyurl.com/pgo8h

There’s no stopping him! He reveals: “My heart sank when I saw it was a two-mile road circuit and that we were due to do half a million laps, but it was actually a really cool course. I’d recommend anyone to do it next year.” Richard kept up the pressure the next day at Cutmill, which he says has a “great climb” – a word not used too often by the numerous Dynamates who have suffered on the infamous hill to the finish! The former useful junior tried many times to escape during the 63-mile event before getting away with two laps to go. “The trouble was,” he reveals, “I was with two guys that were harder than coffin nails. Third place there, then!” From his vantage point on the line, Richard watched his namesake RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON take fourth in the Surrey League 2/3 race – and he says it was “worth the entry money alone” to see the ginger Kiwi cream the bunch. Awesome stuff! In a Dyna-monster haul for the club, the barmy blue, black and orange army nabbed more than a third of the top 16 places…

http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006_sl/17_cutmill_2.html

…with GAVIN ‘NO LYIN’ RYAN taking 9th, MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT 11th, GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY 14th and RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT 16th. As if that wasn’t enough, feisty New Zealander PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY came 4th in the 3rd cat race with JIM ‘CLARK’ KENT finishing four places behind…

http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006_sl/17_cutmill_3.html

The most daunting Surrey League course didn’t intimidate any of these fellas!

COW’S ABOUT THAT!
+++ Williamson makes top 10 in Welsh stage race +++
Meanwhile, over in Cowbridge, Glamorgan, Dynamo hunk MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON was sprinkling a bit of Dyna-magic over the Welsh valleys at the prestigious L’Etape De La Defonce three-stage race. The chiselled chap came 8th in the opening stage and 15th in the final stage, giving him 7th place overall in the 105-mile 3rd cat event…

http://tinyurl.com/lydrs

Dynamo Gen Sec NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK, who took part in the race with Martin, JOE ‘CHEEKY BEGGAR’ STEGERS and TOBY BLACKMAN, writes in the Dynamo forum: “This was, make no mistake, a bloody hard race – a 3/4 that was harder than a Surrey League 2/3. But it was also very well organised, marshalled and motorbiked – essentially a rolling road closure by eight motorcycle outriders which was very cool.” You lucky sods!

YOU CANUCK BE SERIOUS
+++ Gold medal win stuns Kimbers +++
Dynamette KIMBERLY ‘CANUCK’ KABATOFF reveals she “broke out in giggles” last week when she saw her name listed as one of the club’s national points scorers on the BCF website. She says: “I am truly not worthy to be amongst such illustrious company!” The Dyna-masseuse earned her five points at the ECCA Festival women’s race at Eastway a fortnight ago…

http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006/ecca_circuits.html

…and she got a bigger surprise after returning to the East London circuit on Saturday. Kimberley finished 7th, making her the highest-placed eastern region resident in the sparsely-attended race – so she was given a gold British Cycling medal for winning the area’s division championship…

http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006/essex_w.html

Way to go, champ! Kimbers comments: “To all the women who think, ‘I coulda beat her,’ I say you’ve got to be in it to win it. See you at the start line next year!”

TIME TO STRAWBERRY SPLIT
We’ve run out of choc ices, which means there’s just time to thank everyone for their contributions before we drive off in our van and leave the disappointed children weeping by the side of the road. Always remember that we are Mr Softee Top, but we would be nothing without you, our Senor Whippy. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘CORNETTO’ BUIST to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the sticky scoop of vanilla trickles down to your fingers, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a Solero.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.