The DYNAMITE! Files

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #130, 23.02.07
————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 11C max, wind S 13mph; Sun, light showers, 11C max, wind SW 17mph +++
————————————————————————–

CHARLIE BROWNED OFF
+++ Rude boys irk Dynamette +++
It’s a testament to their well-deserved reputation for helpfulness that the club’s dashing Dyna-men have succeeded in recruiting a growing number of women to the testosterone-fuelled world of cycling – and with the ranks of female ‘Mos swelling to double figures, it was inevitable that some Dynamettes would show their Dyna-mettle when challenged by Dynamo’s impertinent male rivals. That Dyna-moment of reckoning came on Sunday at the Mountbatten Centre in Portsmouth when CHARLIE ‘CHARLOTTE’ BLACKMAN chased down every break in the 3rd cat men’s race before getting off the front with Rapha Condor’s Jane Kilmartin and another lady, only to have her plucky escape thwarted quite unnecessarily. The less-than-impressed Latin buff harrumphs: “The boys chased us down. Why should they care?” It’s called male pride, love! Nevertheless, Charlie still managed to edge out a pushy chap by leaning on him – a trick taught by WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE at his Saturday morning women’s training sessions – and earned 4th lady for her efforts. Her fellow Dyna-maidens KATE PICKARD and KIMBERLEY ‘CANUCK’ KABATOFF were 5th and 6th respectively, while CLIFF ‘NICE’ PRICE did his bit for the blokes by taking the No.5 spot in the 4th cat race… http://tinyurl.com/2lk4af. But the best Dynamatic results of the week were provided by the combined achievements of a certain female duathlete and a 1st cat fireball – so come with us now to Sussex for some impressive time-trialling action. It’s time to pull on the skinsuit…

LLOYD BUOYED
+++ Victory in second-ever TT +++
She took 2nd lady at her first race against the clock last week – and now JENNY LLOYD-JONES has won the women’s competition at the Central Sussex 17-miler. The European duathlon age group champ covered the Ashurst course in 44:18, and number cruncher RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS points out that her average speed would have given her 1:03:00 over 25 miles. That’s not bad for your second-ever TT! Rich, meanwhile, followed up his 3rd place at last week’s Kingston Wheelers event by taking 2nd at Sussex, beating a certain Sean Yates by 33 seconds… http://tinyurl.com/24dwba. He admits: “The pressure is on to grab a win now.” And if he doesn’t, we’re retracting his Dyna-moniker!

QIN YOU KICK IT?
+++ Yes you can! Beginners’ Series starts this week +++
As Richard heads to the badlands of Redhill on Sunday in his bid for podium glory, dozens of novice Dynamates will be congregating at the Qinetic circuit in Chertsey at 10am… http://tinyurl.com/ysml4s …for the first Dynamo Beginners’ Series event of 2007. If you’ve never raced before, this is the perfect opportunity for you to find out just how much fun you can have with a laminated BCF licence and a wide, two-mile, traffic-free circuit. Or you could just come down to watch and meet the many ‘Mos who you read about each week but have never seen. If you want to spot DYNAMITE! just look for the one wielding the box brownie!

BYE, GUYS
Scores of Dyna-motivated maidens are about to leave slowcoach male riders for dust, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue before we are comprehensively humiliated. Always remember we are a fragile male ego and that constantly needs stroking, so please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we try to get in touch with our feminine side, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a handbag.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #130, 23.02.07
————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 11C max, wind S 13mph; Sun, light showers, 11C max, wind SW 17mph +++
————————————————————————–

CHARLIE BROWNED OFF
+++ Rude boys irk Dynamette +++
It’s a testament to their well-deserved reputation for helpfulness that the club’s dashing Dyna-men have succeeded in recruiting a growing number of women to the testosterone-fuelled world of cycling – and with the ranks of female ‘Mos swelling to double figures, it was inevitable that some Dynamettes would show their Dyna-mettle when challenged by Dynamo’s impertinent male rivals. That Dyna-moment of reckoning came on Sunday at the Mountbatten Centre in Portsmouth when CHARLIE ‘CHARLOTTE’ BLACKMAN chased down every break in the 3rd cat men’s race before getting off the front with Rapha Condor’s Jane Kilmartin and another lady, only to have her plucky escape thwarted quite unnecessarily. The less-than-impressed Latin buff harrumphs: “The boys chased us down. Why should they care?” It’s called male pride, love! Nevertheless, Charlie still managed to edge out a pushy chap by leaning on him – a trick taught by WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE at his Saturday morning women’s training sessions – and earned 4th lady for her efforts. Her fellow Dyna-maidens KATE PICKARD and KIMBERLEY ‘CANUCK’ KABATOFF were 5th and 6th respectively, while CLIFF ‘NICE’ PRICE did his bit for the blokes by taking the No.5 spot in the 4th cat race… http://tinyurl.com/2lk4af. But the best Dynamatic results of the week were provided by the combined achievements of a certain female duathlete and a 1st cat fireball – so come with us now to Sussex for some impressive time-trialling action. It’s time to pull on the skinsuit…

LLOYD BUOYED
+++ Victory in second-ever TT +++
She took 2nd lady at her first race against the clock last week – and now JENNY LLOYD-JONES has won the women’s competition at the Central Sussex 17-miler. The European duathlon age group champ covered the Ashurst course in 44:18, and number cruncher RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS points out that her average speed would have given her 1:03:00 over 25 miles. That’s not bad for your second-ever TT! Rich, meanwhile, followed up his 3rd place at last week’s Kingston Wheelers event by taking 2nd at Sussex, beating a certain Sean Yates by 33 seconds… http://tinyurl.com/24dwba. He admits: “The pressure is on to grab a win now.” And if he doesn’t, we’re retracting his Dyna-moniker!

QIN YOU KICK IT?
+++ Yes you can! Beginners’ Series starts this week +++
As Richard heads to the badlands of Redhill on Sunday in his bid for podium glory, dozens of novice Dynamates will be congregating at the Qinetic circuit in Chertsey at 10am… http://tinyurl.com/ysml4s …for the first Dynamo Beginners’ Series event of 2007. If you’ve never raced before, this is the perfect opportunity for you to find out just how much fun you can have with a laminated BCF licence and a wide, two-mile, traffic-free circuit. Or you could just come down to watch and meet the many ‘Mos who you read about each week but have never seen. If you want to spot DYNAMITE! just look for the one wielding the box brownie!

BYE, GUYS
Scores of Dyna-motivated maidens are about to leave slowcoach male riders for dust, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue before we are comprehensively humiliated. Always remember we are a fragile male ego and that constantly needs stroking, so please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we try to get in touch with our feminine side, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a handbag.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #131, 02.03.07
————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 12C max, wind W 8mph; Sun, light rain, 10C max, wind SE 8mph +++
————————————————————————–

CUPPA LOAD OF THAT!
+++ Beginners’ Series sees huge turnout as Dynamo urn makes debut +++
Since its inception four years ago, the Dynamo Beginners’ Series has been offering a friendly introduction to the wonderful world of bike racing – and that welcome was even warmer on Sunday thanks to event organiser MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT, who served up steaming hot brews from the club’s newly-acquired urn in the heated office beneath the MoD circuit’s observation tower. What a way to tea off the season! The 167 riders who passed through the doors to sign in had the opportunity to sample DAVE ‘PINKY’ GARDNER’s delicious Genoa cake, which would have gone down a treat after getting mouthfuls of dirty rainwater sprayed up from a succession of back wheels on the sodden tarmac. It was a wet one alright – so come with us now as we re-live the first Surrey League fixture of the year and reveal how a mischievous sprite put paid to Dynamo’s chances of glory in two of the three races. Here comes that pesky puncture fairy…

HOLE LOT OF TROUBLE
+++ Weather jinxes ‘Mos +++
He notched up two second-place finishes on the MoD circuit last year and has kept his form by competing throughout the winter at Hillingdon – but unfortunately sprint sensation PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY was one of the many riders who pulled out of Sunday’s E/1/2/3 handicap race at Chertsey due to a flat tyre. Unlucky, pal! Cheesed-off CHARLIE ‘CHARLOTTE’ BLACKMAN also fell victim to the rain-slicked circuit when she punctured in the women’s race after getting away in the lead group of four. And not to be outdone, plucky ALEX ‘LUG PUMP’ MURRAY got a puncture in the 4th cats’ warm-up laps followed by another in the 73-strong race itself. It’s a conspiracy against the club, Dynamates! Thankfully, JASON GREEN escaped the Dynamo curse by taking 9th in the 4th cats’ traditional stampede for the line… http://tinyurl.com/2oy7mg …and JOE ‘CHEEKY BEGGAR’ STEGERS showed how to keep your saddle dry without resorting to mudguards when he turned up for marshalling duties with this ingenious device… http://tinyurl.com/29d9at. As Britain’s biggest supermarket chain would say, every little helps!

PINKY GOES BROWN
+++ Gardner’s ‘fake tan’ +++
Joe’s fantastic use of plastic was overshadowed by DAVID ‘PINKY’ GARDNER, who refused to a let the icy winds of Surrey prevent him from showing off his shaved and curiously brown pins. Dozens of shivering Dynamates were agog as the shiny-legged lad rolled up to the start of the handicap race in a pair of black Assos shorts – and NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK wondered aloud if Dave’s mahogany hue had come straight out of a bottle. That would be entirely sensible, given that the sizzling 2nd cat’s sustained exposure to UV rays in Mallorca last year earned him a reddish complexion and an appropriate Dyna-moniker. Perhaps it was the memory of those long training camp chats out on the road that provided his inspiration for the final laps of the 43-mile race, as he wove effortlessly through the huge bunch asking fellow ‘Mos how they were feeling, which didn’t go down too well with suffering South African STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES. Sadly, the search for a lead-out man proved fruitless, leaving Dave to settle for an anonymous bunch finish. Better luck this Sunday, pal!

TWO QUIET
+++ Silence from high-achiever Simmonds after 2nd place at TT +++
Finally, DYNAMITE! is saddened to hear no word from regular correspondent RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS, which we fear is all our fault. Regular readers will remember that we threatened to axe his victorious Dyna-moniker if the 1st cat fireball didn’t follow up his 2nd and 3rd places with a time trial win this week at the Redhill CC event – and he ended up getting the No.2 spot… http://tinyurl.com/38bjjc. We didn’t mean it, pal! Rich clocked 42:18 on the 19.4 mile course in Ockley, while JENNY ‘J-LLOYD’ JONES was 3rd lady with 51:40. Tell him we’re sorry, love!

WE MUGS BE GOING
The high-pitched whistle tells us that Mrs Dynamite is rustling up a brew, which means that there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue before we sup a warming mug of Earl Grey. Always remember we are two lumps, but we would be nothing without you, our boiling hot water. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the milk is poured, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a strainer.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #132, 09.03.07
————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 13C max, wind W 17mph; Sun, cloudy, 14C max, wind SW 17mph +++
————————————————————————–

CIRCUIT MAXIMUS
+++ Spills at races that would make an emperor wince +++
Perched on two-wheeled contraptions, hurtling around corners at insane speeds, and facing the ever-present threat of being whacked to the ground by another competitor, your average chariot racer in ancient Rome must have dreamed of the day when someone would invent the bicycle so he could do much the same thing in the Surrey League, but without the horses. The Coliseum’s bloodthirsty plebeians would have cheered for joy had they witnessed some of this week’s nasty pile-ups – but the imperial thumbs-up goes to a certain Latin buff who scored an impressive victory at the MoD Circuit Maximus. So let us march as one mighty legion to the first item as we reveal how she came, she saw and she conquered. Let’s go Roman barmy…

THE ROAR AND THE COOKED
+++ Exhausted fellas given a mouthful +++
The Dynamo Beginners’ Series races ended on Sunday with newcomers TORKEL DOHMERS and ROB HARROLD taking 9th and 10th respectively in the 24-mile 4th cat race… http://tinyurl.com/3b9ub8. But just as the shattered finishers began their warm-down on Chertsey’s rain-slicked Qinetic circuit, the fast-approaching ladies’ race provided a shock by yelling at them to get out of the way. You tell ’em, girls! Having raced to the line with the boys, CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN steamed off the front for the women’s final lap with Natalie Creswick from Ful-On Tri before charging up the hill to surge away from her. The Dynamette says: “Then I just got my head down and kept going.” Thankfully, she lifted up her head just as she began veering perilously close to the gravel at the side of the and gave the photographer a race face that even IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE would struggle to beat… http://tinyurl.com/29d9at. And, of course, she took 1st place… http://tinyurl.com/25mugt. Amazingly, the pedalling pedagogue had taught Louise Mahe and Charlotte Colclough a lesson at the Milton Keynes Bowl the previous day when she out-sprinted the British Cycling hopefuls to take 6th, which translated to 4th place overall after handicapping… http://tinyurl.com/27xmre. Excellent work, Charlington!

WALLY WHIMPER
+++ Dreadful conditions cause pain for Humpheson +++
It’s been an anxious seven days in the newsletter’s famous soundproof bunker as we waited for RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS to get back in contact following last week’s worrying silence. Regular readers will remember that we jokingly threatened to axe the high-achiever’s victorious nickname if he didn’t win the Redhill CC time trial – and when he didn’t drop a note to say he came 2nd, the editorial team feared he had misinterpreted the quip. In the meantime, the 1st cat fireball has achieved iconic status, in the sense that a small icon of him tucked over his tri bars now accompanies every time trial story on London Cycle Sport’s front page… http://tinyurl.com/2zo2km …and thankfully it has transpired that Richard isn’t at all angry at Britain’s top Dynamatic read. Re-establishing communication on Wednesday, he reveals: “I spat my dummy out at finishing 2nd again and forgot to write last week. I’m not a good loser!” But he is a good sport, otherwise he wouldn’t have braved the Wally Gimber E/1/2/3 race in Tenterden, Kent, which saw him brave lashing rain and crosswinds for 63 miles to bag 13th place… http://tinyurl.com/2z8j36. …after getting into the chasing group. He admits: “I went so numb I couldn’t talk, so I just dribbled.” Sadly, SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON’s efforts to help his team-mate came a cropper when he tried to break up the race on the second lap and promptly threw himself into a crater-sized pothole cleverly disguised as a puddle. The compact mechanic mangled his wheels and landed on his head while others followed him into the abyss. He says: “Several more rode into me and my bike. Chaos ensued and the bunch fragmented. Job done.” There must be easier ways to do it, though! Sam, whose elite chum WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE settled for a bunch finish, adds: “Next stop is the Jock Wadley on Sunday. Who are these guys – Jock Wadley, Wally Gimber? Maybe we should run the Ken Buist RR.” Speaking of which…

KEN WATCH!
+++ Buist returns with career change +++
He’s back, Dynamates! Back! But before relating the circumstances of his magnificent reappearance, it’s probably worth pausing to explain the significance of KEN BUIST to newer Dynamates. Kiwi Ken could accurately be described as Dynamo’s unofficial mascot whose rare appearances at club rides have been known to prompt spontaneous rounds of applause. The twist is that unlike, say, a man who dresses as a chicken and waves to the crowd at the start of a football match, very few members actually know what this particular mascot looks like, which is why DYNAMITE! has been running a semi-regular feature for the past three years chronicling every official sighting of the elusive New Zealander. This week, PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN has been in touch to reveal that Ken, in typical Ken fashion, turned up on his doorstep out of the blue waving around two bottles of wine which he uncorked once the Kingston killer invited him in. As they drained the plonk, Ken revealed he has become a photographer but declined to mention when he will make a return to the cycling scene. We live in hope!

DAD’S THE WAY TO DO IT
+++ Good news prompts Turner to start hunt for points +++
Inventing a memorable Dyna-moniker on Thursday night inevitably leads to impressed readers giving DYNAMITE! a hearty pat on the back on Saturday morning – so the editorial team are expecting to receive a few more hearty thwacks at Richmond Park now that ‘RADAR’ RUSS TURNER has revealed the unwitting double meaning in his nickname. The large-eared lad has never been shy about the substantial dish-like features sitting on either side of his head, hence the appropriate appellation which we assigned to him in issue #119. But at the Christmas Social last year, Russ casually informed us that he works for the Environment Agency, where he is responsible for the installation and maintenance of – would you believe it – the government’s vast array of radars. And it appears that he will soon find out if he can pass on the gene responsible for his Dumbo-like lugs. “That’s right,” says the former mountain biker, “I’m going to be a dad. Mrs Radar is expecting Radar Jr. in August.” Congratulations, pal! Naturally, impending fatherhood has spurred Russ to get his 2nd cat licence before the sprog drops – and he promptly opened his points account at Hillingdon on Saturday by nicking 10th in the Finchley RT 3/4 race… http://tinyurl.com/2ab3kq …following a 20-minute downpour which depleted the 72-strong field early on. The slippery surface also lead to two crashes on the final lap. You didn’t need a radar to see that one coming!

…AND A FEW ‘MO THINGS…
+++ Surrey Hills sportive announced… http://tinyurl.com/3xz3xw +++ Plucky DAVE ‘PINKY’ GARDNER lets TONY ‘CHUCKLES’ SMEDLEY take over tea stall duties so he can compete in soaking-wet Chertsey E/1/2/3 handicap – and takes 12th… http://tinyurl.com/2rfg7l +++ Slapped wrists for PETA McSHARRY and KIMBERLY ‘CANUCK’ KABATOFF after they mistakenly Dyna-mailed every member with details of the ladies’ weekend in the Isle of Wight. Apologies! +++

WRITE OFF
Our roll of parchment has almost run out, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue before we lay this scroll to one side for future historians to decipher. Always remember that we cannot go on ad infinitum without you, our sine qua non, so please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the papyrus begins to crumble, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a palimpsest.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #133, 16.03.07
————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 13C max, wind W 15mph; Sun, light showers, 10C max, wind W 14mph +++
————————————————————————–

THREE’S FAME
+++ Trio makes club history with Surrey League clean sweep +++
As a dedicated chronicler of Dynamatic doings, there have been Dyna-moments when this humble periodical has swelled with pride at some of the club’s more notable achievements – and such an occasion took place this week when Dynamo only went and won every blimmin’ Surrey League race at the weekend. What a way to start the season! Our growing army of loyal readers will no doubt want to hear the full details of how three Dynamates scored an incredible triple victory, and judging by the forum, law-abiding DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE is eager to learn what happened when DYNAMITE! met Richmond Park’s police squad. So without further ado, come with us now as we begin with the arresting details of Dynamo’s historic clean sweep. It’s going to be a cuff one to beat…

DAVE RAVE
+++ Rusty amazed by Gardner’s solo victory +++
The scientific methods of Chris Carmichael, Edmund R. Burke and a host of other world-class fitness experts took a knock at the weekend when an awesome threesome showed that slightly more unconventional training techniques can lead to sensational wins. Reputedly spending a good deal of the off-season being his local publican’s best friend, the ever-gregarious DAVID ‘LILY THE PINKY’ GARDNER proved on Saturday he could go it alone by leaving his junior breakaway partner for dead and soloing an incredible seven miles to victory on the undulating Crowhurst course… http://tinyurl.com/2ycke7. That, Dynamates, is an early contender for ride of the year! Amazed RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT finished five places ahead of 11th-placed Dynamo newcomer MATTHEW BRIDGE in the 2/3 event… http://tinyurl.com/yweq4b …and the little fella was still raving about Dave’s performance the next day at Alfold, which provided the stage for the second act of Dynamo’s dominating performance. The 3rds race in the morning saw ANDREW ‘COALFACE’ STRONGE get in the decisive five-man break and take his first-ever win with relative ease, which earned him a hearty pat on the back from his 9th-placed pal ‘RADAR’ RUSS TURNER… http://tinyurl.com/3bdo23. Nice work, fellas! Andy, of course, had spent the preceeding months partially avoiding the usual steady training miles in favour of full-on racing – and in the 2/3 race that afternoon, fellow Hillingdon winter series fan PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY unleashed a McEwenesque, take-no-prisoners burst of power on the slightly uphill finish which bagged him 1st place in the enormous bunch sprint. His team-mate DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE came 5th… http://tinyurl.com/2cyj5h …while over in Charndon, Bucks, IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE got his season underway by taking 14th at the E/1/2 Spring Chicken… http://tinyurl.com/2bdeqm
…after pulling a frankly substandard race face… http://tinyurl.com/2syjgm. But in the midst of all this race action, spare a thought for poor old TONY ‘CHUCKLES’ SMEDLEY, who was turned away from the 3rds race at Alfold because there were no more places left. The usually-mirthful Mancunian was quietly fuming as he watched lots of eager riders warming up on rollers in the car park. To add to his ire, not one of them managed to finish. The injustice of it all!

MILTON SPLEENS
+++ Blackman vents anger at results error +++
Overjoyed Dynamette CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN let out a whoop of delight on Saturday when she finished 3rd at the latest race in the WCRA handicap series. Her hard-won podium place came as a result of pushing the intermediates until they caught the elites – but by Tuesday the quick-to-anger classics teacher was venting more fury than 300 Spartan warriors after discovering she had been mistakenly demoted to 4th in the official results… http://tinyurl.com/2aplxu. What a cock-up! Thankfully, the organisers of the Milton Keynes Bowl event have since agreed to correct the error following a firm but polite Dyna-mail from the injured party, who was particularly piqued to see Welland Valley’s Linda Hubbard listed as 2nd when she had lapped her. Charlie also revealed that her efforts to launch a couple of breaks earned her a pat on the back from “bonkers” sprint sensation Louise Mahe. Dynamo’s crit queen adds: “She has more piercings at the tender age of 17 than all the Dynamettes put together.” That “splosh” is the sound of approximately 290 Dyna-men dropping their Friday morning latte…

ARGUS CATALOGUE OF ERRORS
+++ Two crashes in Cape Town fail to stop Lloyd-Jones +++
Another Dynamette will be joining the world of circuit racing this weekend when JENNY ‘J-LLOYD’ JONES makes her debut at Thruxton following her trip to South Africa for the Cape Argus Pick ‘n’ Pay Cycle Tour – the biggest individually-timed bike race in the world… http://tinyurl.com/yole7l. The European age group duathlon champ circumnavigated two crashes along the 68-mile route to finish 32nd in the elite ladies race and 2nd out of 914 women in her age group. And it was only her second-ever road race! Jenny, who was one of 29,000 finishers in the ride around Cape Town, lost touch with the lead group after the second spill which forced her to become part of a four-strong splinter group. She says: “I need to learn how to spot people most likely to fall off a bike. Isn’t that what circuit racing is all about?” No-one has told that to the regulars at Hillingdon!

CLUES THIS?
+++ Copper rumbles ‘disguise’ at launch of park’s police team +++
Finally, secretive DYNAMITE! had its cover blown at Pembroke Lodge this week when Inspector Mark Foden correctly identified us as part of London Dynamo within a matter of seconds – even though we had arrived at the Richmond Park venue wearing jeans with the club’s jersey cleverly concealed beneath our casual jacket. The eagle-eyed copper, who shrewdly reasoned that the tall, thin figure in front of him had to be a cyclist, was hosting the official launch of the revamped squad now policing the park with input from its main user groups – the club being one of them. Social Secretary PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT is sitting on the panel which will meet once a quarter with the Safer Parks Team, so he can expect to be badgered with all your concerns once we publish his contact details closer to the date of the next pow-wow. And the meetings should prove constructive – the nine-strong crew, which includes our old pal PC Kelvin Clarke, takes a positive view of Dynamates’ contribution to the area, as do the Friends of Richmond Park and some of the other groups who attended Monday’s launch. But don’t bet on the 20mph limit being altered. Supt Derek Pollock, the unit’s deputy commander, revealed that deer deaths through collisions with vehicles had dropped “dramatically” since it was put in place, while Insp Foden dispelled the myth that the limit is unenforceable because it is on a private road. You have been warned, JOE ‘CHEEKY BEGGAR’ STEGERS!

COP OUT
The sirens are blaring in the distance, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue before the cops arrive to arrest us for gratuitous use of puns under the 1998 Wordplay Act. Always remember we are a shameful recidivist and we would be nothing without you, our upright citizens. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we are thrown into the meat wagon, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and an ASBO.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #134, 23.03.07
————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, light rain, 14C max, wind NE 6mph; Sun, light rain, 13C max, wind E 12mph +++
————————————————————————–

MILTON KEYNES BAWL
+++ Cover your ears as Dynamette hurls lewd insult +++
Over the years, the ever-vigilant DYNAMITE! team has rigidly adhered to the editorial rule prohibiting the use of ungentlemanly language in this proud organ, especially if it happens to be a quote from a certain ‘Mo who puts the “Guy” into “gynaecological”. Fear of offending readers, particularly female ones, has been the chief reason for omitting rude words – so you can imagine our amazement when it emerged that leading Dynamette CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN referred to a wheel-sucking rival at the Milton Keynes Bowl by using a word that begins with “W” and rhymes with “tour”. And she wasn’t best pleased with TOBY ‘HUBBY’ BLACKMAN for spilling the beans to this publication! The quick-to-anger crit queen should have calmed down after Saturday’s race when she realised that she had won the WCRA series… http://tinyurl.com/38o63o …but in Andover, Hants, just 24 hours later, she unleashed a volley of verbal fury at a “stupid man” who knocked her front wheel at Thruxton before giving him another mouthful on the following lap of the motor circuit. Sadly, it was a different bloke wearing the same kit, although he told bemused Charlie that he usually has to “pay good money” to receive such a tongue-lashing from a woman. You mucky boy! Courteous JASON ‘KEEP IT CLEAN’ GREEN proved far more chivalrous, working at the front for the first five laps so his female team-mates didn’t have to – and the tactic helped on-form Charlie take 2nd in the women’s race while JENNY ‘J-LLOYD’ JONES nabbed the No.6 spot in her very first circuit event. Lovely stuff, ladies! Over in the E/1/2 National B race, RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS finished in the points with 11th place… http://tinyurl.com/25rxnb …although some of his fellow Dyna-men racing elsewhere didn’t have quite the same good fortune. So come with us now as we relate some of the mishaps that would have made a vicar turn the air blue. Let’s put those asterisks on standby…

DUN IN
+++ Disaster as Hayter dehydrates +++
His 2006 season was abruptly cut short by a knee injury, so it was pleasing to see WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER return to the Surrey League peloton at Dunsfold on Sunday and get into the break that would end up dominating the points at the morning’s 3rd cat race. The mountain bike maestro was showing an impressive return to form – but one of his water bottles jumped out of its cage, leading to the unlucky lad dehydrating, dropping back, and finishing right at the tail end of the bunch. Unbelievable! Determined ‘RADAR’ RUSS TURNER powered up the off-circuit finishing climb but missed out on the one remaining point on offer for 10th place… http://tinyurl.com/35a3vg …so it was left to ANDREW ‘PINKY’ GARDNER to restore some Dynamo glory by taking 12th in the Regional A 2/3 race… http://tinyurl.com/2nld72. Well done, fella!

TOTAL DISC-SASTER
+++ Callinan’s folly at windy TT +++
As honorary club president and one of Dynamo’s founding fathers, knowledgeable training guru PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN is a man who commands immense respect among many a Dyna-member – but his questionable choice of equipment for the Maidenhead and District CC time trial on Sunday proved that even a man of his standing can attempt to win a Darwin award. The Kingston killer rode along a tree-lined stretch of road in Frieth, Bucks, to the starting line of the hilly 30-miler, where his disc wheel and deep-section rim prompted the event organiser to ask if he had got his head screwed on right. A mile into the course and he realised what the race official was on about: the winds were reaching speeds of up to 36mph and had no trees to buffer them, which meant that terrified Paul was blown from one curb to the other. He reveals: “The Agiskoviner team car apparently followed me as I was good entertainment. I finished with absolutely shot nerves – the organiser thought I would be in an ambulance. I’ve learnt my lesson.” Paul came 7th among the 35 finishers, clocking in at 1:16:57… http://tinyurl.com/2g2by4. And that’s despite almost becoming a human kite!

…AND A FEW ‘MO THINGS…
+++ KIMBERLY ‘CANUCK’ KABATOFF is asking ladies who are interested in riding the Women’s Team Series races to check the race programme if they haven’t done so already… http://tinyurl.com/38xyae +++ In Long Crendon, Bucks, TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT bags a top 20 place at the High Wycombe E/1/2/3 Spring Road Race after getting into a chasing group with Colin Roshier… http://tinyurl.com/355ayc +++ PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY takes 7th at Beyond MTB E/1/2/3 race at Hillingdon… http://tinyurl.com/2pjn4r +++

EFFING OFF
We’ve got through another edition without resorting to the type of language that would make a sailor blush, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in before we hit “send” and swear the roof down because the ruddy Vic-20 has crashed. Always remember we are the Mary Whitehouse of Dynamo, but we would be nothing without you, our sensitive viewers. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we pop 10p in the swear box, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a potty mouth.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————– 

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #135, 30.03.07 
————————————————————————–

+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, 
and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – 
http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – 
http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 12C 
max, wind NE 23mph; Sun, sunny intervals, 14C max, wind NE 17mph +++ 
————————————————————————–

TUN OF FUN

+++ Hefty lass gets Chadders moving at stag do +++
The editorial team is constantly aware of our humour-hungry readership’s 
love of embarrassing yarns – so we naturally thought a Dynamo stag weekend 
would enable this edition to practically write itself. Unfortunately, 
CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN’s farewell to bachelordom this week didn’t 
end with him tied naked and semi-conscious to a lamppost on the M4, 
although there were a couple of ‘Mos who booked their place in the 
DYNAMITE! hall of shame by proving they were more lightweight than a pair 
of Obermayers. Having downed three whole pints on the first leg of the 
convivathon in Covent Garden on Friday night, straight-talking JOE ‘BLOW’ 
HEMMANT turned up at the Daytona go-karting track in Sandown the next 
morning nursing a sore head, while Chris’s not-at-his-best man RICHARD 
’BOY RACER’ DOLBY attributed his death-warmed-up appearance to food 
poisoning rather than a hangover. We believe you, pal! Nauseous Rich 
nevertheless proved himself worthy of his petrolhead Dyna-moniker by 
beating Chris, Joe, WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER, TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT, GORDON 
’KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY and the rest of the fellas in the 40-minute hurtle 
around the twisty circuit – but it seemed nothing quite as racy was going 
to take place at the King’s Tun in, erm, Kingston that evening. 
Thankfully, a sozzled lady of generous proportions was volubly demanding 
why nobody would accompany her on the dancefloor, which DYNAMITE! took as 
its cue to introduce her to a certain ginger jiver who did his best to 
fulfil her request to “dance erotically”. There’s no need to thank us, 
buddy! The festival of fun was one of the newsletter’s rare trips out of 
the famous soundproof bunker in the bowels of Dynamo Towers – and we’ll be 
staging another disappearing act on Saturday as we head to Mallorca for a 
week of laughs with DAVE ‘PINKY’ GARDNER, GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL, TONY 
’CHUCKLES’ SMEDLEY and SIMON ‘IT’S GOOD, BUT IT’S NOT’ WRIGHT. That means 
your favourite Dyna-matic read will revert to a “test card” type of affair 
next week. And to be frank, there’s so much to sort out for the trip that 
this bit is being written a day in advance, which means we have absolutely 
no idea what the next item is going to be. So come with us now as we 
abandon the traditional smooth transition to the first story and plunge 
bravely into the unknown. Here comes something – we know not what…

WHO’S THE WALLY NOW?
+++ Hemmant senior’s insult backfires +++ 

Irritatingly, it turns out that JOE ‘BLOW’ HEMMANT chose the Peter Young 
Memorial road race to prove his mettle by taking 4th at the 3/4 event… 
http://tinyurl.com/3ytzop …which would have made a nice link for the 
above intro, had it not been written ahead of schedule. Something along 
the lines of: “One of the sneakier stags ducked out early and saved his 
race legs to reap a strong result the next day. So come with us now to 
Chertsey as we reveal how a certain straight-talker emerged from the 
shadow of his high-achieving brother and delivered a few choice words to a 
fellow competitor along the way. Here comes the first insult…” That sort 
of thing. But it’s too late to re-jig the whole paragraph, so it will have 
to do. “Harrumph!” as CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN might say. Anyway, TOM 
’HUMBLE’ HEMMANT’s outspoken sibling put in an aggressive performance at 
the front of the bunch on Sunday before spin master WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER’s 
high-cadence attack on lap two attracted a certain “hairy-legged 
head-bobbing wally”, which it must be stressed is Joe’s personal opinion 
of the hapless chap. The cutting Crewe man, who was hanging onto his 
team-mate’s wheel, gave the hirsute chap a verbal lashing for “boring 
everyone else out of sight”. Say what you think, pal! By the penultimate 
lap, Will had to put in a massive pull on the front to ensure the race 
stayed together, and the sprint saw Joe weaving from the left-hand gutter 
to the right and back to the middle in typically unconventional fashion. 
Unfortunately, the race was won with a few seconds in hand by Oxonian’s 
Stephen Shellard – who happens to be the aforementioned “wally”. Red-faced 
Joe admits: “I was gracious in defeat and was first to congratulate the 
fella.” We should hope so, too!

A DOVELY FEELING

+++ Get your massage needs sorted +++

Staying with the Hemmants, the less confrontational side of the sibling 
partnership has been in touch to say that his girlfriend, sports massage 
therapist LUCY ‘DEMURE’ DOVE, is looking for more clients. Lucy, who is a 
VTCT Level 3 Diploma qualified practitioner, is currently working at West 
Thames Physiotherapy on Saturday mornings and Monday evenings… 
http://tinyurl.com/324mkh. She’s also one of the Solna Avenue gang which 
made such a memorable impression in Dynamo’s early days, so if you want to 
stretch those knotted muscles, reduce the risk of injury, or encourage the 
flow of lymphatic fluid to your nodes (and who doesn’t?), then drop her a 
line at physio@westthamesphysio.com. Prices are £40 per hour or £28 per 
half hour. You can’t go wrong!

WHAT A CLOCK UP

+++ British Summer Time causes kit error for Dynamo rival +++

At a post-go-karting pub lunch at the Bear in Esher, WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER 
revealed that he purchased his practically custom-fitted Pinnacle frame 
for only 150 smackers thanks to his cousin Ben Spurrier, who has 
apparently landed a dream job with the new bike brand. Hopefully, a 
Certain Major Bicycle Retailer will pay more careful attention to their 
exclusive range than their rider did when packing his kit bag for 
Barcombe, as he arrived at Newick scout hut in deepest East Sussex on 
Sunday without his shorts. Doh! The poor lad had rushed to the 3rd cat 
race having been caught out by the clocks going forward – so hats off to 
resourceful ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY, who lived up to his virtuous 
Dyna-moniker by whipping out a spare pair of Dynamo shorts from his 
deceptively spacious Suzuki Rascal. And he would have finished one place 
higher if it wasn’t for his helpful act: with two riders three minutes 
down the road, Rob gave it his all on the finishing climb to finish 10th 
overall after Ben edged him out on the line to nab 8th. Meanwhile, rising 
Dynamo star MATT BRIDGES outclimbed the pack for a storming 3rd. If you 
include Ben’s lower body, that makes two-and-a-half Dynamos in the top 10!

WRISTY BUSINESS

+++ J-Lloyd crashes at Thruxton +++

Finally, DYNAMITE! would like to offer a big get-well-soon message to 
JENNY ‘J-LLOYD’ JONES, who broke her wrist at Thruxton on Sunday after a 
panicking chap wobbled and took her down along with JASON ‘KEEP IT CLEAN’ 
GREEN. The European duathlon age group champ’s fall came 24 hours after 
she had punctured at the Rudy Project TT in Bottisham, Cambridgeshire, and 
rode 10 miles on a flat tub. RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS, who finished 6th 
in the event, winced: “I can’t bring myself to look at her carbon rim!”

BYE AND FLY

The Sci-Con box is packed to bursting point, which means there’s just 
enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue before Mrs 
Dynamite points out that one of the wheels is still sitting in the 
kitchen. Always remember we are your boarding pass to the fun-packed 
flight, but we would be nothing without you, our electronically-generated 
plane ticket. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and 
gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit 
your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for 
Friday’s edition. And now, as we check our passport is still valid, it 
only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY 
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps 
split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY 
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.
9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles 
at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner 
tubes, drink, and a cab to Gatwick for less than 77 sodding quid.

WEDNESDAY 
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via 
Weybridge, 28 miles.
So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #136, 06.04.07
————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 18C max, wind NE 6mph; Sun, sunny, 18C max, wind E 3mph +++
————————————————————————–

NOUGHT DOING
+++ Newsletter is away +++
Lucky old DYNAMITE! is living it up in Mallorca with DAVID ‘PINKY’ GARDNER, GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL, TONY ‘CHUCKLES’ SMEDLEY and SIMON ‘IT’S GOOD, BUT IT’S NOT’ WRIGHT this week, so our readership will have to make do with the mental image of Mrs Dynamite holding Sash the Unofficial Newsletter Cat while chalking noughts and crosses on a blackboard. This “test card” edition will only last seven days, so please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the muzak pipes up, it only remains for us to remind you about…

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a toy clown.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #137, 13.04.07
————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny, 22C max, wind NE 2mph; Sun, sunny, 24C max, wind S 1mph +++
————————————————————————–

WRIGHT AND WRONG TURN
+++ Disappearance in Mallorcan mountains +++
Ah, Dynamates! The reassuring clunk of the Vic-20’s sturdy keyboard, the endless cups of Kenco ferried by Mrs Dynamite, the chatter of the ticker tape machine as it spews out Dyna-massive reams of brilliant results – these, friends, are just a few of the many wonderful reasons why it’s great to be back at the newsletter’s famous soundproof bunker in the bowels of Dynamo Towers, where we have been recovering from the drama of SIMON ‘IT’S GOOD, BUT IT’S NOT’ WRIGHT losing his way up a very big climb. Not quite grasping the concept of a rest day during last week’s unofficial training camp, the navigationally-challenged rower set out with GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL and DAVID ‘PINKY’ GARDNER to do a reversed and truncated version of the traditional route through the mountains in the north of the island, only to get dropped by the Dynamo-ic duo and miss the scheduled turn at Lluc for the journey home. Doh! While Dave, Guy and TONY ‘CHUCKLES’ SMEDLEY sat in earnest conference at this publication’s hotel room discussing the possibility of calling out a search party, Simon ploughed up Puig Major, went down the other side, and realised something might be amiss when his riding partners weren’t at the bottom. So the big lad turned around, went back up the mountain – which happens to be the biggest on the island – and eventually found his way back to base without the aid of a map or mobile phone. That’s one hell of a way to earn a post-ride beer by the pool! Hopefully no ‘Mos will repeat Simon’s error at the club’s official trip, which takes place on the Balearic island from Saturday – and as the campers look forward to a week of clement weather which eluded us, let’s follow the signpost marked “news” and head towards the town of Fact to recount the last two weeks’ racing action in full. Here comes a very busy junction…

DOWN WONDER
+++ Australasian riders dazzle +++
A range impressive results courtesy of MICHAEL ‘LUNGER’ SNEYD, RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON and PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY have proved that Dynamo’s current form lies firmly in its mighty Antipodean contingent. Having saved his energy with a reserved performance at the Surrey League’s Easter 3-Day, Down-Under-Mo Mike narrowly missed out on the top spot on Tuesday at the first Hillingdon fixture of the season… http://tinyurl.com/2kju2b. But there was no respite last week for crafty Kiwi Paul, who unleashed his devastating sprint to claim 3rd at Henfold Hill’s 2/3 event… http://tinyurl.com/2pb5oh …and 2nd at the dreaded Cutmill course the very next day… http://tinyurl.com/39xu37. Awesome stuff! On the first stage of the 3-day, the McEwenesque marvel avoided getting boxed in by riding on the grass to tackle the one-in-four uphill finish at Milland Hill – a fearless move which landed him in the points with 12th place… http://tinyurl.com/2k3k7x. His fellow countryman Richard was the highest-placed Dynamate in the E/1/2/3 stage race after finishing 12th among a 15-man break at Ottershaw on the final day. The group created a gap of 14secs which was enough to propel the ginger winner into the No.12 spot on the final GC, 1:33 behind winner Danny Axford of Arctic Shorter Rochford… http://tinyurl.com/22fdos. And just to add a little bit more Dynamo dazzle to the last stage, plucky Paul ended up winning the bunch gallop comfortably. That fella just loves his uphill sprints!

IT MEANS NOTHING TOM ME
+++ Hemmant plays down recent race exploits +++
What a Dyna-modest chap! The latest communiqué from TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT underplays his performance a couple of weeks ago at the E/1/2 race at Thruxton motor circuit in Andover, Hants, where he landed 12th after a valiant yet unsuccessful attempt to bridge across to the break. He also neglects to mention that RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM SIMMONDS, RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON and himself were in a large breakaway group during the first stage of the 3-Day which was only caught in the final few kilometres. Rather than draw attention to himself, Dynamo’s self-effacing 1st cat has chosen to shine the spotlight on his elder 3rd cat sibling JOE ‘BLOW’ HEMMANT, who came 5th at the SERRL event at Sevenoaks Weald in Kent… http://tinyurl.com/3yts7g …before following in the family tradition of getting his surname mangled in a subsequent race report… http://tinyurl.com/yux7ug. And crit queen CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN is the other recipient of the younger Hemmant’s fulsome praise following her visit to Thruxton, where she finished well up in the men’s bunch to clinch 1st lady… http://tinyurl.com/2l5mgz. Dynamo’s quiet man reveals: “I missed most of her race as I was in the car keeping warm and drinking tea, but it is probably safe to assume that she hit the front of the bunch every time it came around to go up the slight rise into a howling headwind. I don’t want to speak out of turn, but I think that she needs a more relaxed work ethic.” Tom should note that the Boudica of Barnes did the 3-Day and then came 6th at the Hillingdon women’s race on Wednesday… http://tinyurl.com/ypa8eq. There’s no such word as “relaxed” in her dictionary, pal!

KEN WATCH!
+++ Buist launches new career +++
Eagle-eyed ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY has dramatic news about man of mystery KEN BUIST, who he spotted doing laps of Regents Park on his Colnago a couple of days before DYNAMITE! shut down for its Mallorcan jaunt. It seems Dynamo’s enigmatic mascot has officially launched his new career in photography… http://www.kenbuist.com/ …and in doing so has broken cover to reveal his identity… http://tinyurl.com/2m4l9q. Get the comedy moustache and shades on, Ken – this part of the newsletter works much better when the majority of the readership doesn’t know what you look like!

THE CANNONBALL RUNS IN
+++ Stop-press TT news from Kingston killer +++
Finally, breathless PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN has burst into the DYNAMITE! office to announce that he has just won the first Hounslow Wheelers ’10’ of the season and knocked 14 seconds off his personal best for the course. You can catch your breath now, pal! The time trial titan, who clocked a time of 23:24 on Thursday night, boasts: “I only had my ordinary race wheels on as all the speed weaponry is packed for Mallorca.” The training campers won’t know what hit ’em!

…AND A FEW ‘MO THINGS…
+++ Fast-rising Dynamo star MATTHEW BRIDGES takes 14th in the final GC of the 3-day 3rd cat competition… http://tinyurl.com/22drqe +++ MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT nabs No.3 spot in 3rd cat race at Cutmill… http://tinyurl.com/3an385 +++

SEARCH OVER
The helicopter has located a large, hairy-legged figure enjoying a choco-latte at the café by the junction between Sa Calobra and Puig Major, which means that there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent in stuff for this issue before it flies back with the good news. Always remember that this publication is a compass through the week’s Dynamatic news, but we would be nothing without you, our magnetic north. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the missing ‘Mo climbs back on his blue Trek, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a laminated Insight Fleximap (1:200,000 scale).

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #138, 20.04.07
————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny, 18C max, wind SW 2mph; Sun, cloudy, 19C max, wind SW 13mph +++
————————————————————————–

TONE DOWN
+++ Smedley disappointed by close finish +++
As Dynamo’s unofficial cheerleader, it is the duty of this publication to put a smile on the face of every reader, which usually entails recounting amusing tales submitted by some of the club’s more humorous members – so you can imagine the editorial team’s disappointment when Dyna-mirthful Mancunian TONY ‘CHUCKLES’ SMEDLEY turned into a curmudgeonly Northerner the moment he passed the chequered flag at the MoD 3rd cat event in Chertsey on Saturday. Overcoming the effects of a stubborn cold, the poorly ‘Mo got himself into a good position for the inevitable bunch sprint and bagged a podium place, only to unfairly berate himself during a post-race latte. “Second,” he moaned, biting into a granola bar. “Second. No-one remembers who came second. It must have been the width of a fine slice of parmesan.” Talk about being cheesed off! To erase the memory of Addiscombe’s Jonathan Cornall pipping him to the post, Tony delved into his kit bag and produced a faded manila folder containing press cuttings from his 1st cat heyday, which included a snippet for something called the Hard As Nails Road Race and national rankings from more than a decade ago listing him higher than PCA’s Tony Gibb. Eee, them were days, as they say in Chuckles’ neck of the woods! Smedders actually had less cause to whinge than RICHARD ‘BOY RACER’ DOLBY, who finished in the top 10 following a two-year hiatus from racing but was demoted to joint 16th in the Surrey League’s official results, while DYLAN ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY is listed as 7th despite the fact that he thought he was out of the points… http://tinyurl.com/257ec4. That’s the sort of mix-up you get with almost 80 riders hurtling towards the line! There was no such confusion for an unlucky Dynamate the next day, thanks to an unfortunate turn of events close to the finish which decided his fate – so head with us now to the Chilterns for a deflating experience. Here comes that tell-tale hiss…

TANKS A BUNCH
+++ Free petrol for ‘Mos at Archer races +++
The drive out to Hazlemere, Bucks, proved to be a worthwhile one for WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER, TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT and IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE, who recouped the money spent on petrol with each of their £15 winnings from the Archer GP support races. Fan-gas-tic result, chaps! The first lap of the E/1/2 event saw Ian start the decisive break which was to stay away for the rest of the race – but after getting dropped on the final ascent of the draggy half-mile-long Gore Hill and subsequently trying to rejoin the front four, the feisty fella fell victim to the dreaded puncture fairy. Damn you, cruel imp! “A very disappointing finish,” muses Ian, who nevertheless managed to ride the remaining three miles on a deflating tyre to take 5th. His team-mate Tom won the bunch sprint to secure the No.6 spot while Will nabbed the same place in the 3rd cat competition after getting away with half-a-dozen others in the third of five laps. Will reveals: “Unfortunately, the break contained three riders from Kingston Wheelers. I jumped across to the first Wheeler to break on the final lap but was dragged back, only to see another one go without anyone chasing him. He duly won.” Curses!

A HOULT NEW WORLD
+++ Dyna-minnow’s first step into road racing reaps top 10 result +++
Modest ‘Mo RICHARD HOULT wasn’t sure if his 6th place in the 4th cat race at MoD Chertsey would qualify for a mention in Britain’s top Dynamatic read – so to prove that it does, DYNAMITE! would like to offer him a hearty congratulations for winning points in his very first race… http://tinyurl.com/32ly3e. Richard, who finished one place ahead of TORVEL DOHMERS, raced in Dynamo colours despite having another team on his license, but he promises to “change it over” soon. You better, buster!

…AND A FEW ‘MO THINGS…
+++ Dynamette MELISSA GILLION finishes 4th in women’s race at MoD Chertsey… http://tinyurl.com/26j8fq +++ GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY 7th and DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE 10th at 1/2/3 SERRL event in Brenchley, Kent… http://tinyurl.com/2424vy +++

CUTTING IT OUT
This snippet is ready to be cut out and placed in the care of the Dynamo library, which means that there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue before we get filed away. Always remember we are a yellowing scrap of paper and we would be nothing without you, our enduring newsprint. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the folder marked “DYNAMITE! 2007” is put back on the shelf, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a microfiche.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.