The DYNAMITE! Files

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #40, 04.02.05

GRADE EXPECTATIONS
Living in swanky Dynamo Towers may sound like the height of luxury – but day-to-day life in the DYNAMITE! bunker is a bit like the average existence of your typical university student. We spend most of the week slumped in front of the box watching sub-standard daytime TV programmes fronted by inadequate television non-personalities – or Sean Kelly and Mike Smith as they are better known. That worn-out Tour De France highlights videotape will snap one of these days! On Wednesday, Mrs Dynamite gives us a hand picking up piles of whiffy, well-used Dynamo kit lying around our famous subterranean base before subjecting the soiled garments to a well-deserved 30 degree wash. Then, on Thursday, we finally realise that dozens upon dozens of scholarly Dynamates are expecting us to email a meandering essay on the importance of London Dynamo shifting the Surrey League paradigm from post-modern concept to post-ideological consensus – and the place instantly erupts with the frantic keyboard-thumping of a hapless humanities undergraduate hammering out their end-of-year dissertation. We always make that Friday morning deadline, no matter how many cups of Tesco value instant coffee it takes! But since we emerged from our extended Christmas hols, the team’s work-rate throughout the week has been consistent as we strive to please you, our strict grade-giver at the start of a new term – and we are pleased to announce that two new Dyna-modules have been introduced to Dynamo Polyversity by two of the finest Dyna-minds in modern cycling. This bumper-sized edition features another firm-but-fair lesson in racing techniques from professor GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS, editor of RoadCyclingUK.com, and the announcement of an on-the-road tutorial series which is bound to satisfy every Dynamember’s thirst for competitive bicycling knowledge. So come with us as we take our seat in the intimate Dynamo lecture hall and pull our battered A4 pad from our army surplus rucksack. Here comes the first OHP slide…

SEVEN UP FOR IT
Regular readers will already know that PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN is training CHRIS ‘CALAMITY’ CAMPBELL and RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT as part of his bid to qualify as an official British Cycling coach – but now you too can take advantage of his BCF expertise without putting in huge, thigh-shredding mileage for months on end. Dynamo’s race secretary is running a series of three training sessions which will cover topics such as cornering, climbing, descending, pace lines and breakaways. The sessions will teach novice competitors everything they need to know to get the most out of the Beginners Series races, which start at Hillingdon on Saturday 19 February – and Paul, who has also been coaching the Surrey League women, is giving his valuable advice for free. You can also enjoy a lie-in as the sessions are scheduled to start after the Parkride. But there’s a catch! The intensive lessons are limited to just seven members – so Dyna-mail news@londondynamo.co.uk with “Seven Up For It” in the subject heading as soon as possible if you want to take part. Get in there quick – places are bound to go faster than an orange and poppy seed cake at the top of Box Hill!

ANDREWS’ GUY-DE TO RACING: PART 2
The other advantage of being taken under Paul’s expert wing is that you won’t get the hairdryer treatment from bellowing taskmaster GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS. The Dynamo president has recently got into the habit of turning up late for the Parkride, catching a bunch on the second lap, and giving them a right rollicking over infringements of group riding etiquette. It’s not a pretty sight! Thankfully, Guy has calmed down since last Saturday – and here he is for the second in his unmissable guide to getting the most out of racing. Take it away, maestro!

Thanks, pal. Let’s kick off with the answer to last week’s question.
Positionally, in a road bunch, you have several options. But where do you think you should be? Do you:

a) Stay at the back. It’s far safer there
b) Go to the front without an idea or plan as to what to do and loose your way and end up at the back again
c) Relax, identify a steady wheel near to the front, and try to stay in touch with them, constantly reasserting your place and position
d) Sprint off the front and attack at every opportunity. It’s far safer out there.
e) Ride behind the most dangerous looking rider, following his every move – and hope he doesn’t crash.

The answer was “c” – but there is some truth in most of the other answers. For example, “d” suits some riders (ahem, me) and WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE is usually an “a”. PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN a “b” and most new Dynamos will be an “e” – just kidding, guys! But you want to get a smooth run and this means looking for the smoother riders and staying safe. The key to riding safely in a group is to RELAX. Watch the yellow jersey at the Tour – always near the front, relaxed and confident, like a true winner.

Week 2 – Team tactics
Picture the scene. You’ve arrived at a 3/4s race at Hillingdon. There are six Dynamos in the signing-on hut, supping tea and looking nervous. Don’t just join them in a refreshing beverage – this is the perfect time to make some race plans. Take charge. Get everyone together. One of you should be race captain and decide who is the strongest rider and the most likely to win. This rider becomes team leader.

Tactics
It is then down to the rest of the team to decide how they are going to support the leader. An early suicide attack, for example, may work in his favour as it will encourage other teams to chase. Alternatively, you could control the race en masse if you have several strong riders. Use your energy to protect your leader while the remaining team members move on any attacks from strong rivals.

The heat is on
If you have a “disposable” rider in a weak-looking break early in the race, then don’t waste energy protecting his lead – be constantly reassessing your own chances and those of the team leader. Wait for the opportunity to launch the counter attack when the group returns to the peloton. Two or three riders should always be used up at the start of the race to police early breaks and generally make a nuisance of themselves. Make sure any good rivals are marked and stifle their attacks. But if a group goes away that looks handy, you mustn’t just chase it down. Think about it – you have an opportunity to get a rider into a successful move, so try to jump across rather than dragging the whole bunch to it.

Jumping Jehovah!
When I say “jump”, I mean nail it. Don’t let anyone sneak onto your wheel – attack as if your life depends on it. If you get a gap then attack again, because you will only get one chance to get across to a group that is, say, 10-20 seconds up and pulling away. It’s good practice to get into early breaks rather than sit at the back waiting for a sprint you are probably not going to win. And you never know – it might just stay away. So remember – if you’re feeling frisky, mix it up and get stuck in.

Frustrate the chase
With six or so team members back in the peloton, you should have a fair few laps to establish a lead. Riders left behind must do nothing for the first few minutes. Don’t make it obvious that you are trying to get a rider away. Once the group is out of sight, start to move back to the front to hinder the chase. DO NOT go to the front and stick your brakes on – you are looking to slow the chase by placing a rider in the string to upset the rhythm and saving another two to wait for counter attacks.

Attacks!
With a Dynamo group away, there will be riders who will jump in a bid to reach it. If the group is two or three riders, then let them – as long as the whole peloton doesn’t follow. Your team mate may need the extra pair of legs. But if a few too many are going across, you need to go with them and sit on their wheel to upset the chasers. Then, when they ask for help, you stay on their wheel. They’ll get fed up – or if they’re really strong, you get a free tow up to the group. Then there will be two Dynamos in the group and twice as much chance to win. During the middle part of the race, it will be crucial to keep the strongest team members at the front ready to join breaks and try to get across to any breakaways that have disappeared down the road. At Hillingdon or Eastway this is always going to be hard work. It’s also the point in the race when most people’s legs are starting to tire, so be ready for one big effort. Make sure that the team leader is taken to the front and kept there.

The finale
This is where concentration is key. Any riders with fresh legs who think they don’t have a hope in the sprint should use the final two to three miles to wear down the opposition who will be forced to chase. The protected rider can take it easy. It is the team’s responsibility to win – so work together!

This week’s (trick) question
You have a rider in a group a few seconds ahead but they look like they’ll be coming back into the main group. What do you do?
a) Chase him down. I never liked him, with his flash bike and fancy ways
b) Leave him out there. Stay patient as it may still work
c) Let the chase pick up. We can launch another attack when the group is caught
d) Jump across to his group, sit on the back, wait for a chance and then attack yourself
e) Make attempts to frustrate the chase by “getting in the way”

Next week we’ll tell you what to do in a breakaway. Now it’s back to the DYNAMITE! team.

BALLS-UP
Cheers, buddy – and we now have a grave confession to make. It’s not often that your favourite source of Dynamatic information experiences a slip-up – but DYNAMITE! is honest enough to admit that its cleat came out of the pedal last week. The pictures from Sky One show So You Think You’re Safe featuring a select bunch of telegenic Dynamates went walkabout somewhere on their way to the website. Sorry, chums! We’ve spoken to Dynamo Towers’ resident techno boffin DAVID ‘WEBMASTER’ SPENCER, who assures us that the image of WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE’s gentleman’s area and a selection of other top screen grabs should be up on this week’s edition – so if you’re reading this on email, go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk to see how the Cyclefit sensation surrendered himself to a dubious medical experiment involving a huge thermometer stuck up his shorts which “proves” the body heat generated by cycling can lead to infertility. The rest of his club chums just stood there watching him suffering the indignity in front of the cameras!

‘MO OR NO?
Even more shockingly, DYNAMITE! has learned that certain Parkriders are turning up for the regular Saturday runaround without wearing the brilliant blue and black outfit of London’s most stylish cycling squad – so we’re starting a hard-hitting regular feature in a determined bid to get everyone clobbered up in Britain’s best kit. Each week we will feature a photo of a tactfully obscured rider who has shamelessly flouted the dress code. Then we will ask: ‘Mo or no? Or in other words, is this person a Dynamo or not? Non-members who have turned up to sample the Parkride are partially excused until they join our well-dressed gang – but there’s really no excuse if you’re a fully paid-up Dynamate. You have been warned! This week’s suspect – and email readers will need to click on the website’s Newsletter link to see him – probably rode all night to reach the roundabout by Sheen Gate. At least that’s one explanation why he’s wearing a fluorescent jacket at 9am! If you know who this chap is, or if you are the alleged fashion offender himself, then send a Dyna-mail to news@londondynamo.co.uk with “‘Mo Or No?” in the subject heading. And don’t use the chilly weather as an excuse for the fashion faux pas – Cyclefit has now got long-sleeve jerseys and gilets, for flip’s sake!

END OF LECTURE
We’ve stepped down from the lectern and switched off the overhead projector. Its only five minutes until the seminar begins, but we’ll be back with another challenging DYNAMITE! discourse in seven days. Until then, always remember that we are a a keen-eyed invigilator but we would be nothing without you, our tricky exam paper. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘B.A.’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – but PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO THIS ADDRESS if you are reading this on email. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as hordes of scruffy students head for the bar, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. 50ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a textbook.

WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Canter to Surrey and back.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE LAST WORD
“To the many coaches, especially Eddy Borysewicz and Chris Carmichael who helped me better understand the sport, my thanks. I must also acknowledge the editors who have helped me and improved my writing to where it is understandable.”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #41, 11.02.05

AND OF AN ERA
It’s not often that DYNAMITE! gets to witness an historic event first hand – so we were amazed when a communication from a certain straight-talking Dynamate arrived at the Dynamo Towers boardroom this week to signal the end of an era. That’s right, folks – ANDY ‘LISTEN UP’ STEVENSON has metaphorically left the building. Sunday rides will never be the same again! In an e-mail to membership co-ordinator RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT, the dedicated committee man formally resigned from his position on the Dynamo executive and revealed that he won’t be renewing his membership for 2005. It’s going to be like having the Discovery Channel team without Viatcheslav Ekimov – unimaginable! Andy, who has Dyna-moved onto pastures new, leaves behind many happy memories of three-hour Surrey Hills rides with no pee stops and ordering under-prepared newcomers to carry on when they reach the brow of a tough climb – even though the wheezing novices could do with a breather. Your ever-grateful DYNAMITE! would also like to thank Andy for providing a videotape of the club’s recent TV debut on Sky One, which gave the Newsletter one of its finest moments in the form of some superb pictures. Cheers, buddy! But it’s a long road ahead, so let’s crack on with another unevenly-paved edition of your favourite Dynamatic journey. Here comes the first cry of “HOLE!” from the eagle-eyed gentleman in the red, white and blue Lotto kit at the back…

PIC AND MIFFED
As any editorial team knows, realisation of how you once achieved true publishing greatness only comes when readers begin to bitterly complain that your periodical “isn’t as good as it used to be”. Sadly, this criticism has yet to be levelled at DYNAMITE! which means our best is yet to come or it’s about to pass us by, but we’re pleased to report that two members have got the ball of resentment rolling by having a good old Dynamoan of Stevensonian proportions directed at last week’s issue. Warming to the academic theme of our previous edition, reproving Dynamate ALEX ‘BALFIE’ BALFOUR reckons we have “failed to achieve the required standard in this year’s examinations”. It wouldn’t be the first time, pal! The oar-some ex-rower revealed: “The academic board is frankly exasperated at your repeated failure to produce visible proofs to support your thesis entitled ‘The Effects Of Cycle Riding On The Fertility Of Antipodean Males.'” Alex, of course, is referring to the photos from Dynamo’s television appearance which showed WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE’s gentleman’s area – and if he’d waited just a short while before hammering out his tetchy Dyna-mail, then the big fella would have been able to have a look at the revealing pic on the Dynamo website. Honestly – the impatience of the man! Then, on Wednesday, Warrick had a bone to pick with us when we popped into Cyclefit for a chat. The nifty New Zealander pointed out that contrary to what was written in the second part of our Guy-de To Racing, he doesn’t wait at the back for most of a race as it’s “too dangerous”. So get it right this time, Mainwaring!

ANDREWS’ GUY-DE TO RACING: PART 3
I’ll try, pal! Hello, I’m London Dynamo president GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS and this is my Guy-de to getting the most out of road racing. This week we’ll look at breakaways – but before we do, let’s remind ourselves of last week’s question…

You have a rider in a group a few seconds ahead but they look like they’ll be coming back into the main group. What do you do?
a) Chase him down. I never liked him, with his flash bike and fancy ways.
b) Leave him out there – it may still work.
c) Let the chase pick up. We can launch another attack when the group is caught.
d) Jump across to his group and sit on the back, wait for a chance and then attack.
e) Make attempts to frustrate the chase by “getting in the way”.

Only a) was false – unless, of course, you don’t really like him. Now for the breakaway basics.

Tactical game
A breakaway can be an honest cohesion of riders helping each other to glory. But usually there’s one sod who hasn’t read Marx and will save a little bit more for the sprint, so it becomes a subtle art of knowing what you can get away with and reading the other riders around you.

Honesty is not always the best policy
If you want to win then you can gamble your effort early and attack. As I have said several times before, novice riders just do not go hard enough. When you attack, it has to be as hard as you can muster. Build a gap and look around. If you have a group around you and the peloton has given up, it’s nearly worked. Only then can you consider how to save some energy.

Break the elastic
If repeated attacks keep coming, then go with as many as you can. I have 10 goes in most crits – after that I’m toast. If I’m down the road by number nine, then great; if the fourth one works, then all the better for the finale. But for every race this works, there will be many more where it fails. Fortune favours the brave, yet constant attacking usually costs you the final sprint too.

Make it stick
If you’re keen to get away and attack successfully then you will be down the road with a few others in tow. Get working. Ride “through and off” just like the Parkride, although you are looking for a competitive edge. Conceal your strength – don’t blast away and rip everyone’s legs off. The idea is to get the break up to its maximum speed and keep it there for as long as possible. At Hillingdon you’ll need 20 or 30 seconds to be out of sight, so the idea is to work hard to that point and this means getting all the riders to do their bit.

Two’s company, three’s even better…
But 12 or more can be a disaster. Smaller breaks tend to work better because everyone is willing. Large breakaways, even of very good riders, can still come back to the peloton because they are too busy worrying about the finale. Two riders can stay away if they are compatible and committed. I cannot recall a two-man break where it hasn’t hurt like hell, so be prepared to give it your all – especially as the sprint straight arrives.

Race the race in front of you
Don’t get too worried about the chase. If you are committed to the breakaway let it be your only concern. If you get caught, then so what? You tried your best, unless you saved a bit – in which case, should you have been in the break in the first place? Try again. The best time to go is when the peloton thinks it’s caught you.

Be aware of where you are and who’s around you
If there is someone sitting at the back be aware that they will be either a) knackered b) waiting to attack later on or c) waiting for the sprint or d) all of these. This is unfair but life is hard in bike racing. Stay committed to the break and if you build a big enough lead you can worry about him later (ask Mike Debney about this…). Remember he’s allowed to do it – there’s no point getting angry with him.

Attack, attack, attack
Practice in training. Attack in races. It’s fun. As a Dynamo rider you are fortunate in knowing how to ride in a group, so why sit in the bunch?

Now for the question of the week: What do you do if you are one of two Dynamos in a break?
a) Both of you should sit at the back. The rest will work and you two can figure it out at the end.
b) Hope that your team mate has good legs ‘cos you’re knackered.
c) Attack, because then he’ll let you go, the others will have to chase, thus wearing them out so he can counter. The old 1-2.
d) Wait for your team mate to attack. They’re better than you.
e) Hope that he’ll lead you out in the sprint ‘cos you need the points.

Next week: Sprinting. And now it’s back to the DYNAMITE! team.

‘MO OR NO?
Cheers, mate! Bellowing taskmaster Guy, who has been known to upbraid many a Dynamate on the Parkride, is hardly representative of the mild-mannered nature of most Dyna-members – so it came as little surprise to us in the DYNAMITE! bunker when kind Dynamates decided to draw a polite veil over the identity of the unlucky fellow in last week’s inaugural ‘Mo Or No. Regular readers will know that we ran a photo of an unidentified fella who shamelessly turned up for the club’s regular Richmond Park runaround without wearing the celebrated kit of the capital’s barmy blue and black army – but not one person came forward with his name. There’s loyalty for you! Perhaps we’ll get a better response with our second dress code transgressor who is confidently resting on his bars, perhaps believing that Dynamo kit isn’t really for him. Well it is if you’re a member, buddy! And if you’re not, then why haven’t you joined? If you’re reading this on e-mail, simply click on the Newsletter link at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk to see the picture of this dashing chap – and send a Dyna-mail to news@londondynamo.co.uk with “‘Mo Or No?” in the subject heading if you know whether he’s a Dynamo or not. Incidentally, race secretary PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN – who has a couple of places left on his exclusive race training courses – is targeting Parkriders who haven’t yet signed up to the Dynamo cause, so get your subscriptions into RUSSELL ‘RUSTY SHORT now. You have been warned!

BUNCH OF GRIPES
The bunch has finally come back together after PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN and MARTIN ‘BRAVEHEART’ BUDDEN shot off down the road. We may never hear another one of ANDY ‘LISTEN UP’ STEVENSON’s stern talks about keeping together on a Sunday – but rest assured that the next edition of your favourite Dynamatic update will be yelping away again in just seven days. Always remember that we are the chap on the Litespeed who turns up every week to organise the Surrey Hills outing, but we would be nothing without you, our dedicated riders. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘BREAKAWAY’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – but PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO THIS ADDRESS if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the sprint for the bridge in Esher looms, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. 50ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a red bandana.

WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Canter to Surrey and back.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE LAST WORD
“How many people make a cycling club? About half a dozen at the lowest count. And the maximum is about 100. The history of British cycling tells us that defections will occur, or a formal split, if this number is exceeded.”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #42, 18.02.05

MAKING A MEAL OF IT
Like any pedal-power enthusiast, there’s nothing DYNAMITE! loves more than a hearty carbohydrate-packed feast – especially when it’s prepared by someone else. So we were delighted when the ever-loving Mrs Dynamite decided to cook an Ullrich-sized portion of chicken and pasta broth on Monday and serve it up by candlelight as part of the nation’s annual celebration of coupledom. She even buttered up a few chunky slices of home-made malt loaf for afters! The Newsletter is, of course, a thoughtful, generous lover, so in return we gave our favourite podium girl something skimpy and eye-catching to slip into later that night. That’s right, aroused Dynamates – the first lady of our famous subterranean base is now the proud owner of her very own Dynamo bib shorts and jersey. It doesn’t get any more racy than that! And we hope you will share in our affection for each other with the latest edition of your favourite Dyn-amorous celebration of the nation’s sexiest cycling squad as we begin yet another heart-fluttering chapter of the greatest romantic story of all – Dynamo’s passionate adoration of itself. Here comes the first clumsy snog…

ANDREWS’ GUIDE TO RACING: PART 4
Dynamo’s belligerent president GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS has become intensely passionate in the final instalment of his handbook to the ins and outs of road racing – and you too can become addicted to the love of hurtling around a crit circuit by coming along to the first Beginners’ Series event at Hillingdon tomorrow. The race begins at 1.30pm and you’re bound to find a few of your favourite Parkride chums congregating by the banana muffin stall in the clubhouse. If that’s not an incentive to come along, we don’t know what is! Naturally, DYNAMITE! will be popping along to report on what many are already calling the biggest early-season Dynamatic event of 2005 – so without further ado, here’s the editor of RoadCyclingUK.com to give newcomers a few more tips on how to get the most out of their big day. Take it away, Guy!

Cheers, pal! Last week’s question was: What do you do if there are two Dynamos in the break?
a) Both of you should sit at the back. The rest will work and you two can figure it out at the end.
b) Hope that your team mate has good legs ‘cos you’re knackered.
c) Attack, because then he’ll let you go, the others will have to chase, thus wearing them out so he can counter. The old 1-2.
d) Wait for your team mate to attack. They’re better than you.
e) Hope that he’ll lead you out in the sprint ‘cos you need the points.

The answer was “c” – although there are elements of all the other suggestions in this situation. You will need to talk to each other to find out how they feel, who needs the points and what the rest of the break is like. The counter attack is the most powerful tactic and will usually work a treat.

This week is all about sprinting – but before I begin, I’d just like to say I hope you all have a great season and a good time at Hillingdon on Saturday. I have ridden many hundreds of races over the past twenty years and loved every minute. I know I don’t always look that jolly but bike racing is everything to me – passion, pain, excitement and joy. The feeling when you get in a break and you’re 40 seconds up with 5 laps to go – that’s heaven to me. So go along and have fun – you’ll be hooked, I’m sure. Remember that you are a Dynamo, so look smart and clean your bike the night before. But above all, play fair and try to win!

Sprinting – “the finale”
Pro riders call the final sprint the finale. It’s slightly theatrical and for good reason, because it’s entertainment for the crowd. And the dash for the line needs careful planning.

State of mind
I always thought I couldn’t sprint and was never too fond of big bunches of riders. So I took to track racing. It was terrifying, but you learn how to hold a wheel and how to sprint. All you need is confidence, and if you have the form and the strength your sprint will be enough to give you this. Show the bunch how strong you are and win!

Size isn’t everything
Smaller riders are lower to the ground and have the ability to “kick” whereas bigger riders suit the long powerful sprints better. Find out what type of rider you are and then you can adapt to these strengths.

Get in gear
There’s no point trying to start a sprint in the 11 sprocket. You need to be able to accelerate, so choose the 16 or 15. The top speed at Hillingdon will be about 32mph and you’ll need to be in a low-ish gear to accelerate out of the last corner. Hit the front early if it’s a headwind and hold onto your speed – that way riders will have to try a little harder to get around you.

Grip the bars
Hold onto the drops. Angle your elbows slightly outwards (they will act as bumpers and force the riders the long way around) and crane your head forward. Keep low on the bike but always look up. If you sprint looking down you will veer into the rest of the bunch and cause a stack. Sprint in a straight line, look for the gaps to open in front of you, and go as if your life depends on it.

Position is all
You need to be in the first 10 riders (with 500-400 metres to go) to be able to have any chance in a sprint. If you want to win, then it’s best to be in the first four. Most amateur sprints are a shambles. Use the fact that there are no lead-outs from organised teams and try to get on a wheel of a stronger rider. Use the slipstream to get up to speed and come around at the last minute. Sounds simple? It isn’t – but you’ll find your feet after a few hundred sprints!

From a large bunch
Look to use the speed of the bunch of riders to launch your effort. Sprinting will only last 250-300 metres at top speed and you’ll need to accelerate all the way to the line. This takes practice, so sprint in training for signposts and hilltops. Work out how far you can go and where you are strongest. You need to pay attention and look at the wheels in front. Don’t get pushed to the back and try to avoid being pushed to the sides of the bunch. The best place to launch from is dead centre and with 250m to go.

From a small group
This is easier to get wrong but it will depend on how your legs are and who is in the group with you. Look for the relaxed riders and their body language. Riders who think they can win will start to pull less and hang about at the back. Keep working but watch them – a late attack or a final surge will need to be marked.

Can’t sprint?
Well, a last minute escape will work if no-one is expecting you. Wait for three-quarters of a lap to go and nail it. It sometimes works a treat!

GOOD LUCK! And now it’s back to the DYNAMITE! team.

NO ARM DONE
Thanks, buddy! Amid all the excitement of the Beginners’ Series getting underway, it’s worth sparing a thought for one Dynamate who probably won’t be riding to Hillingdon tomorrow to watch the newbies. King of the spinners CHRIS ‘CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN came off and injured his left arm after an incident with a pedestrian on his way to work. But even though the bespectacled boy wonder has had to call a temporary halt to his build-up to the prestigious L’Etape De La Defonce two-day stage race, he still managed to get out to Richmond Park recently and steer himself ’round using only his right hand. That’s Dyna-motivation for you! Twin-piston powerhouse GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL faired better when a car pulled out and knocked him down on his commute home this week – he only sustained a nasty blow to the wallet when he took his damaged single-speed to a certain Grays Inn Road retailer for relatively minor repairs. Ouch! Meanwhile, top tumbler DAVID ‘SMILER’ NORRIS proved he is putting his recuperation period to good use by spreading the Dynamo name in a popular magazine. The Teddington titan, who fractured his pelvis in a crash two months ago, wrote to Cycle Sport about his fall on Ranmore and bagged a swanky Polar heart rate monitor for penning February’s letter of the month. Well done, sir! But although the Croydon-based hacks printed the correct name of the club at the foot of David’s correspondence, they still managed to spell his surname with an “m”. The curse of TOM ‘HEMANT, HEMNAUN, REMNANT’ HEMMANT strikes again!

‘MO OR NO?
Hopefully there will be no such confusion over the identity of the latest sartorial rebel who features in our ongoing bid to chide every Parkrider into wearing the dashing outfit of the capital’s most stylish cycle squad. That distinctive yet subtle “A” on the shoulder – which e-mail readers can see by going to the Dynamo website and clicking the Newsletter link – indicates that this week’s subject is a man who knows the value of a superior quality garment. So why in the name of Assos is he not wearing the finest kit ever to pass over Kingston Bridge? Anyone who knows the name of this chap can send us a Dyna-mail with “‘Mo or No?” in the subject heading. And remember: if he’s a Dynamo, then frankly there is no excuse to get kitted up at Cyclefit’s Covent Garden HQ. But if he’s not a Dynamate and he turns up for another Parkride, then he’s going to have to join Dynamo at some point – because race secretary PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN is threatening to come down hard on non-members who join the celebrated Saturday morning spins. The crackdown is all part of the club’s accident insurance – so you have been warned!

END OF THE AFFAIR
Our passion is spent and we must live with the fact that it will be another seven days of eager anticipation before we meet again for another torrid session in the Dynamo bunker. Always remember that we are your Friday morning fumble, and we would be nothing without you, our steamy encounter. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘BIG LOVE’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – but PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO THIS ADDRESS if you are reading this on email. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we put our trousers back on, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. Fifty miles or so at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a big red cardboard heart.

WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Canter to Surrey and back.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE LAST WORD
“She is a figure to admire – classical in her beauty and a symbol, throughout history, of sensuality, maternal virtue, and plenty. Mounted on a bicycle, she is a laughing stock.”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #43, 25.02.05

LIST-EN UP
As a modern, cutting-edge woman with a wide range of boot-cut trousers, there’s nothing Mrs Dynamite likes more than busting a few Dyna-moves at London’s top nitespots – so she was intrigued to learn that there was only one club in town to be seen in on Saturday. That’s right, cool-strutting reader – the Parkride is now so popular that it has become strictly members-only. Brandishing a computer printout of fully paid-up Dynamates’ names, burly bouncer PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN was more than happy to turn away riders from the roundabout by Sheen Gate if they hadn’t stumped up for their subs – and that includes a certain straight-talking fella who many will know from the Sunday ride. So remember – if you’re not on the list, you’re not getting in! As ever, your favourite hip-shaking chronicle of the Dynamo beat was unaffected by the strict door policy and we even popped down to Hillingdon for a special extended after-hours set – or the first Beginners’ Series race as it is better known. So boogie on down with us as we give this week’s biggest choons a spin, as it were. Here comes the first platter that matters…

DYNAMO MINOR DOH
We’ve done it again! In a glorious repeat of last year, London Dynamo dominated the top six of the first Beginners’ Series race – but there was much Homer Simpson-style slapping of the forehead in the DYNAMITE! bunker when we perused the list of finishers from Saturday’s icy-cold event and spotted the first Dynamo-related results slip-up of season. Step forward Paul ‘Doh!’ Dohiuk – or DOMINIC ‘I WANT IT ALL’ PAUL as he is known to legions of Surrey Hills regulars. And the high-achieving triathlete isn’t happy! Dominic supposedly clinched 6th place behind Army CU rider Matt Hinkley – but he fumed: “That guy Matt was about two foot behind me! Who decided the places? That one point is valuable to me!” Don’t blame us – speak to Surrey League supremo Keith Butler, buddy! Dominic’s placing quarrel was the only blot on an otherwise enjoyable event which saw new Dynamo star DAVID STREULE miss out on the top spot by mere inches in a traditional 4th cat bunch sprint during the final 10-lap race. Congratulations to winner James Makepiece from TM Racing – David will get you next time, pal! Behind the scenes, PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN and his wife Clare set up an exemplary muffin and tea stall in the club hut which was manned by ‘INCREDIBLE’ IAN JENKINSON and a mysterious ‘Mo who did all the washing up before promptly disappearing. If you are that quiet, dutiful chap, then send a Dyna-mail to news@londondynamo.co.uk and you’ll get a well-deserved thank-you in the next issue. It’s the least we can do! Meanwhile, keen marketeer STUART ‘POSTAL’ JEFFRYS gave away samples of his delicious sports drink For Goodness Shakes to dozens of thirsty competitors – and a special mention must be given to on-the-mend ‘Mo DAVID ‘SMILER’ NORRIS for popping down to help out before rushing back home to his wife, who was expected to give birth that same day. David didn’t reveal if they have chosen a name, but we think Hillingdon Butler Norris has quite a ring to it – for a boy OR a girl!

‘MO OR NO?
As we’ve already issued a plea to identify a mystery member of the Dynamo community, we’ve decided to introduce a one-off twist to ‘Mo Or No? this week. Regular readers will already know that this visually-aided feature usually presents a photograph of a carefully-disguised Parkrider who has flouted the Dynamo kit dress code followed by a simple question: is this person a fully-paid-up member or not? If they are, then there’s no excuse for wearing the dashing blue-and-black uniform of the south-east’s most stylish cycle squad – and if they haven’t paid their subs, then it’s about time they did. It’s as simple as that! This week, however, we are proud to present a pic of a Dynamate who is setting a superb sartorial example to all the kit-dodgers out there – step forward blonde barrister NICK ‘BOMBSHELL’ PEACOCK, who e-mail readers can see by going to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and clicking the Newsletter link. The track newcomer is one of our “differently shaped” riders, which meant that he was unable to get his impressive frame into the largest-size jersey. But did he use this unfortunate circumstance to construct a carefully-worded legal argument for opting out of kit-wearing duties? No way, your honour! Nick got himself down to Cyclefit’s WC2 HQ and picked up a roomy, warming gilet which really is a boon in the current arctic conditions. So now there’s no excuse for getting kitted out on a club run!

BEAT IT
Our ears are ringing, our feet are sore and the needle has run to the end of the record – which must mean that your fix of beats and bleeps is over for another week. It’s going to be a long wait for the night bus, but rest assured we’ll be having it large again in just seven days. Until then, please remember that we are a self-indulgent ambient house noodling and we would be nothing without you, our thriving UK garage scene. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘BLOCK ROCKING’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – but PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO THIS ADDRESS if you are reading this on email. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, with a cry of “Bo selecta”, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. 50ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and an exclusive 12-inch megamix.

WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Canter to Surrey and back.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 19 – LONDON DYNAMO BEGINNERS’ SERIES, 4/3W/W4, FINAL, 10 MILES: 1 James Makepiece (TM Racing) 00.25.55; 2 DAVID STREULE (LONDON DYNAMO); 3 PIERS STANSFIELD (LONDON DYNAMO); 4 RICHARD MASON (LONDON DYNAMO); 5 Matt Hinkley (Army CU); 6 DOMINIC PAUL (LONDON DYNAMO); 7 Sean Keith (TM Racing); 7 Mark Hubbard (TM Racing); 7 James Stratton (Thames Turbo); 7 STUART JEFFREYS (LONDON DYNAMO); 7 Russell Cross (TM Racing); 7 Nick Heiney (Oxford Uni CC); 7 Warren Evans (Thames Turbo); 7 Rachel Stanhope (Thames Turbo); 15 Barry Tooke (North Hampshire RC); 16 Alan Moore (TM Racing); 17 ALEX BASTIN (LONDON DYNAMO); 18 Chris Mison (North Hampshire RC); 19 Tim Jones (Sigma); 20 Graeme Robertson (Fit-For); 21 DARREN MINSHALL (LONDON DYNAMO).
SEMI FINAL A, 10 MILES: 1 James Makepiece (TM Racing) 00:25:10; 2 Barry Tooke (North Hampshire); 3 Mark Hubbard (TM Racing); 4 Warren Evans (Thames Turbo); 5 RICHARD MASON (LONDON DYNAMO); 6 DOMINIC PAUL (LONDON DYNAMO); 7 Nick Heiney (Oxford Uni CC); 8 Graeme Robertson (Fit-For); 9 Chris Mison (North Hampshire RC); 10 Rachel Stanhope (Thames Turbo); 11 Sean Keith (TM Racing); 12 Alan Moore (TM Racing); 12 Brenson Hive (Thames Turbo); 12 Richard Bremner (North Hampshire RC); 12 Tony Tugwell (Kingston Phoenix); 12 Kate Balchin (Fit-For); 12 SARAH CARY (LONDON DYNAMO); 12 Kate Foster (Thames Turbo);
SEMI FINAL B, 10 MILES: 1 DAVID STREULE (LONDON DYNAMO) 00:25:30; 2 DARREN MINSHALL (LONDON DYNAMO); 3 James Stratton (Thames Turbo); 4 PIERS STANSFIELD (LONDON DYNAMO); 5 ALEX BASTIN (LONDON DYNAMO); 6 Matt Hinkley (Army CU); 7 Russell Cross (TM Racing); 8 STUART JEFFREYS (LONDON DYNAMO); 9 Tim Jones (Sigma); 10 Jeremy Tapp (unatt); 11 Julian Barnard (unatt); 12 Rachel Joyce (unatt); 13 Michelle Galley (unatt); 14 Tim Sales (Redhill CC); 15 Debbie Knott (Beds RC); 15 Mark King (North Hampshire RC); 15 Gary Kirk (Epsom CC); 15 Anne Minford (Thames Turbo); 15 Johnie Sutcliffe (unatt); 15 Richard Chesser (unatt).

THE LAST WORD
“Erwin stared at those magnificent legs, naked nearly up to the groin and pedalling with passionate power. They must be terrific dancers, he thought.”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #44, 04.02.05

GRIME TIME
The chiselled cheekbones of MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON, the rugged beard of MARTIN ‘BRAVEHEART’ BUDDEN and the dazzling beam of DAVID ‘SMILER’ NORRIS are just three of the distinguished facial characteristics that have become synonymous with the best-looking bunch of pedal-pushers in the capital – but some of Dynamo’s most familiar faces looked unrecognisable on Saturday after a load of dirty stuff was sprayed all over their features. That’s right, disgusted reader – the slick surface of the MoD course helped many a rear wheel to fling up buckets of muck all over dishy Dynamates’ fabulous physiognomies. Forget Chertsey – by the time they’d finished, these fellas looked like they were in Roubaix! As always, your down-and-dirty DYNAMITE! was on hand to witness the grimy goings-on, so come with us as we reveal how the club scrubbed up well again in the second week of the season. Here comes the first splat on the Oakleys…

THREE CHEERS FOR PIERS!
This is becoming a bit of a habit! After dominating the top spots in the first Beginners’ Series event at Hillingdon, Dynamo has come up trumps for a second week running by nabbing the two highest places at Chertsey’s 4th cat race on Saturday. What a result! The 10-mile contest saw shrewd PIERS STANSFIELD forming an alliance with Dan Fortunov from Reading CC and an unidentified I-teamer after sitting at the front for most of the race. The mighty man reveals: “We agreed to work together just before the descent into the final straight – but the co-operation lasted about a minute as the I-team rider wouldn’t do any work.” That fella’s probably regretting it now! Piers hung on to Fortunov’s fortunately-placed wheel and got past him for the line as tenacious triathlete TOM LANGLEY headed for 2nd. Piers adds: “Tom must have sprinted well to get off the bunch and past Dan.” You said it, buddy! A little further back, STUART ‘POSTAL’ JEFFREYS took 6th after 9th-placed CHRIS ‘CALAMITY’ CAMPBELL bellowed encouragement – and Dynamo continued its success story later on by getting more riders into the E/1/2/3 handicap’s top 10 than any other team. Plucky ROB ‘ALL WEATHER’ TUBBS made an impressive return to racing by ferrying ‘MEDICAL’ MIKE DEBNEY to a five-man break, which included WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE, before falling back into the pack. Good work, fella! The quintet was whittled down a trio and Mike narrowly missed out on 1st place to Angliasport’s Grant Bayton while Warrick rolled in 3rd. But true to form, the Dynamatic duo’s sensational performance in the 40-mile race failed to impress Chairman ‘Mo GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS, who grumbled by the pebbled trackside that one of the pair should have forced Bayton to launch a premature attack by going up the road. Typical – there’s always a fly in his ointment!

‘MO OR NO?
As a politically correct publication, DYNAMITE! would hate to be accused of practicing gender bias – so it is with great pride that we introduce the first unidentified female Parkrider into our regular sartorial feature. The kit-less lass, who e-mail readers can see by going to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and clicking on the Newsletter link, has crossed her arms to disguise the fact that the name of the south-east’s snazziest cycle squad is not proudly emblazoned in white and orange across her frontage. You’re fooling no-one, love! But is this mystery maiden a ‘Mo or not? And if she is, then why hasn’t she picked up some of the most stylish kit in town from Cyclefit’s famous WC2 HQ? If you know the answer, then send a Dyna-mail to news@londondynamo.co.uk. We’re dying to find out!

BEARING FRUIT
Frankly, though, it seems unlikely that there will be much of a response if our appeals from previous editions are anything to go by – because not one Dynamate or Dynamette has revealed the name of any fashion transgressors who have appeared in the above feature. You lot are just too loyal! Thankfully, though, last week’s plea to discover the identity of the kind chap who did all the washing-up at the first Beginners’ Series race has borne fruit thanks to the appropriately-named CHARLES PEACH. The helpful fellow reveals: “After two weeks of DYNAMITE! not getting its ill-dressed man, it’s time for some success. I’m owning up to doing the pan-diving at Hillingdon – although I did escape for an hour while everyone else on tea and buns duty stayed at their post throughout.” You’re being too modest, pal! Many thanks to Charles for his assistance, which was completely unsolicited and an inspiration to every member who is thinking of helping out at future Dynamo-organised events. We need more like him!

WATER RELIEF
The hot, wet jet of the shower is raining down on our dirt-covered faces as we reach for a packet of exfoliating scrub. It will be another 24 hours until we have another thorough scrubbing but you will have to wait a whole seven days until DYNAMITE! comes up smelling of roses in your inbox again. Until then, always remember that we are a stubborn stain and we would be nothing without you, our handy loofa. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘SUDS’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – but PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO THIS ADDRESS if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the sudden disappearance of the hot water causes us to yelp in shock, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. 50ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a flannel.

WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Canter to Surrey and back.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 26 – SURREY LEAGUE, CHERTSEY MoD, E/1/2/3, HANDICAP, 40 MILES: 1 Grant Bayton (Angliasport) 01:38:38; 2 MIKE DEBNEY (LONDON DYNAMO); 3 WARRICK SPENCE (LONDON DYNAMO); 4 Christopher Parlett (Gemini) +0.27; 5 IAN PAINE (LONDON DYNAMO); 6 Steve Ferguson (Team Maestro) +1.04; 7 TOM HEMMANT (LONDON DYNAMO); 8 Lee Day (Liphook); +1.21; 9 Simon Lawn (Sigma) +1.39; 10 Dan Smith (Angliasport); 11 CHRIS CHAPMAN (LONDON DYNAMO); 12 Paul Williams (Bath); 13 Dean Wilson (Kingsnorth); 14 Russell Childs (Twickenham); 15 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO); 16 Colin Peerman (unatt) +1.57; 17 Andy Norfolk (Sigma) +1 lap;
18 Matt Wall (Freerider); 19 Paul Croom (Freerider); 20 Nick Bonner (I-team);
21 ROB TUBBS (LONDON DYNAMO); 22 TOM LANGLEY (LONDON DYNAMO); 23 Richard Varian (Epsom).
4/3W/4W, 10 MILES: 1 PIERS STANSFIELD (LONDON DYNAMO); 2 TOM LANGLEY (LONDON DYNAMO); 3 Daniel Fortunov (Reading); 4 Eric Young (Hounslow and District); 5 Alan Moore (TM Racing); 6 STUART JEFFREYS (LONDON DYNAMO); 7 Jon Lewis (unatt); 8 Nichols Poag (I-team.co.uk); 9 CHRIS CAMPBELL (LONDON DYNAMO); 10= Andrew MacFarland (I-team.co.uk); 10= Bob Hatton (I-team.co.uk); 10= Joanne Long (I-team.co.uk); 10= Russell Cross (TM Racing); 10= Stuart Potts (TM Racing); 10= Sean Keith (TM Racing); 10= Ian Beston (Kingston Wheelers); 10= Matt Hinkley (Army CU); 10= ALEX BASTIN (LONDON DYNAMO); 10= Gary Smith (Angliasport); 10= CHARLES PEACH (LONDON DYNAMO); 10= ROB MOORE (LONDON DYNAMO); 10= Neil Pollock (unatt); 10= Tony Gaeen (unatt); 10= Matt Stallion (Twickenham); 10= Warren Evans (Thames Turbo); 10= DAVE CASEY (LONDON DYNAMO); 10= TOMAS KANKOWSKI (LONDON DYNAMO); 10= CHRISTIAN KINMONT (LONDON DYNAMO); 10= Len White (unatt); 30 JAMES KINNANT (LONDON DYNAMO); 31 DARREN MINSHALL (LONDON DYNAMO); 32 Maria David (Addiscombe); 33 Rachel Stanhope (Thames Turbo); 34 Julian Barnard (unatt); 35 Nick Bonner (I-team.co.uk); 36 Chris Migon (North Hampshire); 37 ZOE ARTHUR (LONDON DYNAMO); 38 Mark King (North Hampshire); 39 TANYA PERRETT (LONDON DYNAMO).

THE LAST WORD
“I often take him into the shower with me after training. He loves it and squawks when I splash him.”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #45, 11.04.05

BUN AND DUSTED
As many organisers will know, putting together a race is fraught with so many difficulties that the whole thing is forever in danger of collapsing like an overcooked soufflé – but thankfully the pastry chefs at Dynamo Towers didn’t end up pudding their foot in it during the remarkable rise of the Beginners’ Series. And it’s already scone down in history! Dynamo’s rivals got their just desserts on Saturday as the club completed its domination of the top six placings throughout the trio of novice contests – and the cake-crazy riders once again feasted on the delicious muffins baked by PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN’s wife Clare when they returned to the clubhouse. It was bun hell of a day! A big thank-you must go out to Clare’s pal Jaci, who manned the cake stall with aplomb (or should that be a plumb duff?) during all three weeks, but who sadly didn’t manage to bag a fella – so Dyna-mail news@londondynamo.co.uk if you were one of the red-faced Shy-namos who were too focussed on the race to make a move on the sweet South African lass. We’ll pass on your details in the strictest confidence! But any tasty treat must have the right ingredients to be a success, so the Dyna-management would also like to thank HUGO ‘TURBO’ CANO, TOM ‘TUFTY’ DAVIES, ‘MEDICAL’ MIKE DEBNEY, MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT, PAUL ‘ALL-BLUE’ HARKNETT, ‘INCREDIBLE’ IAN JENKINSON, DAVID ‘SMILER’ NORRIS, CHARLES ‘POTS’ PEACH, RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT, MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON and anyone else we may have forgotten to mention for their support at each of the three events. We couldn’t have done it without you, fellas! So now, as a polite “ping” from the DYNAMITE! kitchen indicates that we’ve reached the correct temperature, it’s time to open up the oven door for a blast of pure racing heat. Here comes the well-greased baking tray…

HOSTAGE OF FORTUNOV
A baker’s dozen of Dynamates crossed the line at Hillingdon’s windy 4th cat race on Saturday – but it was PIERS ‘PRESSURE’ STANSFIELD who narrowly missed out on being the cherry on top. Regular readers will remember how the sprint sensation beat Dan Fortunov at Chertsey, yet fate decreed that Piers’ bid to win again was to be thwarted by the canny Reading racer at the climax of their second battle. Damn it all! Tenacious triathlete DOMINIC ‘I WANT IT ALL’ PAUL was part of the leading quartet before his talented team-mate caught up and graciously asked: “Is this a break?” Dom, who ended up finishing 6th, quipped: “No, Piers – we’re just out for a little afternoon jaunt!” Cheeky sod! With six miles to go, the group swelled to nine riders – one of whom was none other than DAVID STREULE, runner-up of the first beginners’ race – and seven of them broke away again on the final lap just after edged-out ‘Mo DARREN MINSHALL hit the tarmac trying to avoid the grass. Unlucky, buddy! Piers revealed: “By that stage I was toast, but I hung in there and managed to summon up a sprint of sorts at the end.” Dom commented: “‘A sprint of sorts’? He’s being too modest – I was very impressed by it.” So are we, chum!

‘MO OR NO?
There’s still no word on the identity of the mystery ‘Mos who have appeared in our regular slot, but like a lone rider on a fruitless break, DYNAMITE! is determined to carry on undaunted. This week’s dress code transgressor, who e-mail readers can see by clicking the Newsletter link on the website once this week’s edition has been posted on the site, appears to be giving us the bum’s rush. We get the message, pal! To be perfectly honest, DYNAMITE! already recognises this popular Parkrider’s posterior, but you can always Dyna-mail news@londondynamo.co.uk if you rear-ly want to have a go at guessing who it is or perhaps explain why he isn’t fully kitted up. And remember – long-sleeve Dynamo jerseys are still available at a competitive price from Cyclefit’s WC2 HQ. Don’t be seen at the roundabout by Sheen Gate without one!

SMILES ALL ROUND
Finally, DYNAMITE! was pleased to discover what’s been happening in the world of DAVID ‘SMILER’ NORRIS since he rushed home halfway through the first Beginners’ Series race. Regular readers will remember that the Teddington titan’s wife Cally was due to give birth on that very same day – and we’re happy to report that baby Phoebe finally arrived on Friday, weighing 7lb 1oz. Congratulations, both of you!

ICING ON THE CAKE
A gentle pat has confirmed that the sponge is wonderfully fluffy, the creamy middle has been carefully inserted and all that remains is a few gentle squeezes on the icing gun to complete this week’s tasty treat. Mrs Dynamite and Sash The Unofficial Newsletter Cat will have polished off our pudding in no time, but it will be another seven days until you get to scoff with us again. Until then, please remember that we are a dry, unimaginative flapjack and we would be nothing without you, our delicious Box Hill orange and poppy seed cake. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘TART’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – but PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO THIS ADDRESS if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as a jet of icing sugar shoots straight into our eye, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. 50ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a rum baba.

WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Canter to Surrey and back.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
SATURDAY, MARCH 6 – BEGINNERS’ SERIES, RACE 3, HILLINGDON, 4/3W/4W, 15 MILES: 1 Daniel Fortunov (Reading); 2 PIERS STANSFIELD (LONDON DYNAMO); 3 DAVID STREULE (LONDON DYNAMO); 4 Martin Sellars (I-team.co.uk); 5 Mark Hubbard (TM Racing); 6 DOMINIC PAUL (LONDON DYNAMO); 7 David Reeves (TM Racing); 8 Chris Moores (unatt); 9 Will Meers (Kingston Wheelers); 10 Alan Moore (TM Racing); 11 STUART JEFFREYS (LONDON DYNAMO); 12 CHRIS CAMPBELL (LONDON DYNAMO); 13 ALEX BASTIN (LONDON DYNAMO); 14 Matthew Legge (Charlotteville); 15 CHRIS HALE (LONDON DYNAMO); 16 Mark Poole (Kingston Wheelers); 18 Ian Beston (Kingston Wheelers); 17 MEL WILLIAMS (LONDON DYNAMO); 19 ROB MOORE (LONDON DYNAMO); 20 CHRISTIAN KINMONT (LONDON DYNAMO); 21 CHARLES PEACH (LONDON DYNAMO); 22 Phillip Pearl (London Phoenix); 23 JAMES KINMONT (LONDON DYNAMO); 24 Sean Keith (TM Racing); 25 Ben Morgan-Smith (Kingston Phoenix); 26 Russell Cross (TM Racing); 27 Julian Barnard (unatt); 28 Stuart Potts (TM Racing); 29 Jackie Morgan-Smith (Kingston Phoenix); 30 Gary Kire (Epsom); 31 Chris Putram (TM Racing); 32 James Hewson (Kingston Wheelers); 33 ZOE ARTHUR (LONDON DYNAMO); 34 Liz Rice (London Phoenix).

THE LAST WORD
“They always say cakes are bad for cyclists. But it’s not the cakes – it’s the climbs that are bad for you.”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #46, 18.03.05

PLANE DAFT
As one of Richmond Park’s most respected organisations, London Dynamo has a duty to behave well at all times – but this week the barmy blue and black army is about to go completely bonkers as the club quite literally takes off on its yearly jaunt. That’s right, sun-seeking reader – dozens of Dynamates will be checking in at Heathrow on Sunday morning as the good people of British Midland escort the high-spirited bunch to Mallorca, which is where the prestigious 2005 training camp is taking place. It’s gonna be a belter! And we can just see the scenes of merry abandon aboard flight BD163 as normally mild-mannered ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY gets the gang to sing along to a rousing chorus of Una Paloma Blanca. There’ll be words from the cabin crew, chaps! Your jet-setting DYNAMITE! will, of course, be flying out with the happy campers and we’ll let you know exactly how depraved the excursion was when we get back. But for now, it’s time to strap yourself in as yet another high-flying edition of your favourite weekly cycling-based e-mail update reaches for the skies. Here come the boiled sweets…

A WHITE RESULT
Like most people, the ever-vain DYNAMITE! team enjoys an occasional bit of flattery – so we were delighted when MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON told us his non-Dynamo pals who have been tuning into the Newsletter over the interweb think it’s “bloody brilliant”. Cheers, buddies! Martin and his chums were logging onto the website in between rides in Callosa dén Sarria on the Costa Blanca – where, quite appropriately given they were on the “white coast”, the intrepid climbers encountered a flurry of snow on a 1000m col. We just hope they were wearing their thermals! The unofficial Dynamo training camp saw three Dynamates dominate the annual 20km mountain time trial from Callosa to the Col de Rates, with 1st-placed TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT smashing MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT’s 2004 record by more than three-and-a-half minutes. Way to go, pal! Tom’s winning time of 39.27 was followed by Martin Williamson at 41.46 while new Dyna-member TOM LANGLEY came 3rd at 41.46 – but sadly, Martin Garratt didn’t have the opportunity to defend his record as he developed a knee injury during the trip. There’s always next year! On a more serious note, daredevil JOE ‘CHEEKY BEGGAR’ STEGERS had a near-death experience after losing his front wheel while overtaking a vehicle on a steep descent in the wet. Martin W reveals: “Joe hit an oncoming car which drove over his front wheel. He was fine and spent 400 quid on inferior components to see his bike through the week.” That’s got to be a contender for crash of the year! Tom Hemmant, who features in an exclusive pic on the Newsletter section of the Dynamo website, also had a couple of vehicle-based mishaps when he and LUCY ‘DEMURE’ DOVE missed their outgoing flight because they couldn’t find a place to park and then scraped a hire car before leaving the airport at the other end. Doh! But despite these mishaps – not to mention Tom H, Lucy and Martin M getting robbed of £1500 – none of the group managed to have a sense-of-humour failure. They’re an inspiration to us all!

BACK IN THE DRIVING SEAT
He’s been keeping a low profile since conquering Ironman Switzerland last July – but twin-piston powerhouse GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL is now putting his foot on the gas again after a dramatic performance at Alfold on Sunday. Dynamo’s big Guy had managed to build up a lead of around two-and-a-half minutes as part of a five-man group before disaster struck. The towering triathlete cramped up and had to pull over – but after a 30-second rub-down, he was back in the race. Guy managed to hold off the bunch to clinch 5th place – and he describes the race as a “day of pain”. It sounds like it, pal!

KEN WATCH!
He’s back at last! Well, kind of. This is, in fact, the first inkling we’ve had of Ken’s whereabouts this year – and it’s in the form of a text message. PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN got a text from Dynamo’s wily renegade to say he was “in New Zealand”, of all places, and that he would get in contact “soon”. Make sure you do, Ken!

NOT AT HIS PEAK
Finally, we were concerned to hear that ALEX ‘BALFIE’ BALFOUR’s mishap at the Three Peaks race last October has turned out to be more serious than he first thought. The hardy ‘crosser was peeing blood for three days after the race and he has since discovered that he has a large tumour on his left kidney which is almost certainly malignant. Balfie, who only had a CT scan following the race in North Yorkshire, says: “Had I not done the Three Peaks they might never have found the tumour until far too late. As it stands, I believe I have a fighting chance.” He went into hospital yesterday to have the growth removed. Here’s hoping that you make a full recovery, pal.

BACK TO EARTH
The ‘plane has touched down, so you may now undo your seatbelts and retrieve your hand luggage from the overhead compartments. It will be another year until Dynamo flies off for another training camp, but your favourite jumbo carrier of all things Dynamatic will be on the runway again in just seven days. Always remember that we are a dizzy trolley dolly, and we would be nothing without you, our lantern-jawed captain. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘BLACK BOX’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – but PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO THIS ADDRESS if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we head for customs, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. 50ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a boarding pass.

WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Canter to Surrey and back.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
SUNDAY, MARCH 13 – SURREY LEAGUE, ALFOLD, 3/J, 60 MILES: 1 Richard Smith (Farnborough and Camberley) 2.00.00; 2 Robert Cranstone (VC Meudon) +1.10; 3 Mark Bremner (VC Meudon) +1.15; 4 Stuart Grimes (Team Axiom) +1.20; 5 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO) +2.20; 6 Thorsten Klassen (Kingston Wheelers) +4.40; 7 Andrew Daniels (Twickenham); 8 John Hyde (unatt); 9 Mark Paton (Sussex Nomads); 10 James Miller (Anglia Sport); 11 Andrew Harvey (Kingston Wheelers); 12 Marlon Moncrieffe (unatt); 13 Toni Bond (TM Racing); 14 Andrew Seltzer (East Grinstead); 15 Tony Gordon (Pearson Cycles); 16 Brad Lamb (Glendene); 17 Martin Butcher (VC Etoile); 18 Christopher Salt (Kingston Wheelers); 19 Chris White (TM Racing); 19 Nigel Smith (Twickenham); 19 Oly Aldridge (VC Meudon); 19 Dave Pook (Pearson Cycles); 23 Colin Summerfield (VC Meudon); 24 Richard Barrowclough (Sport and Publicity); 25 Rik Taub (In Gear Quickvit); 26 Gavin Buckley (VC Meudon); 27 John Leitch (Festival); 28 Russell Scott (VC Meudon); 29 Toks Adesanya (Addiscombe);
30 Thomas Smith (Twickenham); 31 Terry Morgan (VC Meudon); 32 Geoff Lulham (Evans Cycles).

THE LAST WORD
“Flying a plane is like riding a bicycle. It’s just a little harder to put baseball cards in the wheels.”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #47, 25.03.05

NORMAL SERVICE RESUMES NEXT WEEK
That’s right, chums – DYNAMITE! is in Mallorca this week living it up with the training campers, but we will be back in seven days for a full-size edition of your favourite Dynamatic e-mail update. And #48 is going to be a belter – because it’s our special collector’s edition to celebrate one year of this humble organ! In the meantime, please keep Dyna-mailing your news, results gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘ABSENT’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – but PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO THIS ADDRESS if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as Mrs Dynamite prepares to hit “send” in our absence, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. 50ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a note from your mum.

WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Canter to Surrey and back.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #48, 01.04.05

IT’S NO JOKE
As our legions of humour-hungry readers are aware, there’s nothing DYNAMITE! likes more than a good laugh – and we certainly would have had a hearty chortle if anyone had suggested that your favourite humorous e-mail update would still be pumping out moderately amusing weekly missives from its famous soundproof bunker a year after its inception. But believe it or not, Dynamo’s joke-loving organ celebrates its first anniversary today – and no-one is more surprised than us, Dynamates! To commemorate the hundreds of excruciating puns lovingly slipped into your inbox every Friday, we’re going to take a look back at all the laughs we’ve had during the past 47 issues before bringing you bang up to date with all the gossip from the Mallorca training camp. So in the spirit of April Fool’s day, come with us as we pump up the whoopee cushion and get ready for the fun to commence. Here comes the first moist parp…

HEMM WERE THE DAYS
It may seem hard to believe, but TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT had hairy legs, MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT didn’t have a huge metal rod implanted next to his femur and ‘MEDICAL’ MIKE DEBNEY still had a civil tongue in his head when the first historic edition of the London Dynamo Newsletter emerged on April 2nd 2004. Them were the days, Dynamates! Our inaugural issue began by praising the achievements of MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON, who kicked off his successful bid for a category 2 licence by coming 3rd at Barcombe. Dynamo’s pretty boy revealed he was “grinning all the way” to the line – to which we responded: “You’re not supposed to enjoy yourself, man – this is cycling!” Hard-to-please tiddler RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT instantly praised our winning combination of tongue-in-cheek retorts and jokey asides, but it wasn’t until issue #4 emerged on 23rd April that the Newsletter really found its optimal cadence with the introduction of what is still our most popular feature – Ken Watch! Twin-piston powerhouse GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL provided our initial sighting of Dynamo’s most enigmatic rider after bumping into him at a certain Grays Inn Road retail giant. The ever-observant property mogul revealed at the time: “Ken was wearing a blue overcoat and had been meeting a client in the Holborn area. He looked smart but casual. The time must have been circa 4pm – what better time to peruse one of London’s premier cycling retailers? Ken spotted me while I was admiring some Assos knee-warmers. We chatted briefly about – you guessed it – stems. I bought the knee warmers and then left. The last time I saw Ken was downstairs discussing frames with a staff member. We parted with a tearful wave. The entire incident couldn’t have lasted more than 6 minutes.” Fantastic stuff! And there was even more excitement when the next issue came out on April 30th – because after many, many months of waiting, London Dynamo’s first kit consignment had arrived. Describing the stylish blue, black and orange togs, we decided that the design “marks out London Dynamo as a team of taste and distinction, while also showing it is friendly enough to buy its chums a round of buns at the clubhouse.” After accurately predicting the kit’s success, the Newsletter shed light on a much-misunderstood minority by dedicating issue #6 to those strangers in our midst – triathletes. We revealed how high-achiever DOMINIC ‘I WANT IT ALL’ PAUL came 4th at the Milton Keynes Sprint triathlon and announced Martin Williamson would be jetting off to Madeira where he would represent Britain at the Triathlon Championships in the 25-29 age group. Lovely stuff! Our mission to spread an attitude of tolerance and acceptance towards our wetsuit-wearing brethren was such a big hit that we decided to launch our first major campaign in issue #16. Our Duty Dozen crusade aimed to get at least 12 members helping out at Hillingdon – and we were pleased to report in issue #20 that 17 eager ‘Mos had turned up to marshal at the race on Tuesday 10th August. Your favourite Dynamatic update also chronicled the turbulent events During May’s L’Etape De La Defonce stage race in Bridgend, Wales, which saw Mike Debney, Tom Hemmant, SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON and ‘GENTLEMEN’ JOHN OLDRIDGE win the team competition. As we wrote in issue #9, it was an “impressive victory over Britain’s finest 3rd cat teams”, even if the fab four did have to wear garish red and yellow Surrey League jerseys. But there was a greater honour to come at the start of September when Dynamo raced in the shadow of Parliament. Issue #24 reported how pony-tailed point gobbler WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE finished 5th at the prestigious Bob Chicken London Grand Prix in Westminster – and we exclaimed: “That’s clucking amazing!” Plenty more puns were deployed in the service of eulogizing Dynamates’ achievements throughout 2004, including CHRIS ‘HOSPITAL’ WARD’s charity end-to-ender, CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN’s excellent performance at the Entente Cordiale Paris-London race, and PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN picking up Dynamo’s award for Best Surrey League team, which was handed over by none other than Keith ‘I’ll Get You’ Butler. We exploded into 2005 with a dramatic name-change to DYNAMITE! and a snazzy masthead courtesy of DAVID ‘WEBMASTER’ SPENCER which we followed up with exclusive pictures of Dynamo’s TV debut on Sky One in issue #40. The new year, of course, also saw the introduction of a feature called…

‘MO OR NO?
…which many readers will be relieved to hear we are putting out of its misery this week. Incredibly, not a single member has identified any of the Parkriders snapped in non-regulation kit or outed themselves as one of the pictured dress code transgressors – but that could all change with the final shocking photo in this mercifully short-lived series. E-mail readers may want to turn down the brightness on their monitors before clicking on the Newsletter link at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk, because this brave chap’s outfit puts the colour scheme of Tyler Hamilton’s team to shame. What the Phonak was he thinking? If you are the bright red and yeller fella or you’ve clapped eyes on him one Saturday morning without losing your sight, then send a Dyna-mail to news@londondynamo.co.uk with “‘Mo Or No?” in the subject heading. Or just put in a call to the fashion police!

SUMMIT A BIT SPECIAL
There was no need for DYNAMITE! to whip out its box Brownie during its brief break – because the kitted-up training campers managed to create a glorious blue stream that flowed through the streets of Mallorca last week. That’s right, Dynamates – literally several old Spanish ladies applauded the club’s distinctive outfit as the 22 sun-seekers pedalled past the elderly cycling enthusiasts’ homes. You just don’t get that kind of reception on the streets of Hampton Wick! But despite the clothing success, grumpy GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS still managed to create a style crisis by taking issue with the helmet visors worn by STUART ‘POSTAL’ JEFFRIES and CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN. The grouchy club prez managed to pry off the immensely practical plastic attachments – and poor old Chadders didn’t get to see his again after Dynamo’s fashion chief gleefully abandoned it on the slopes of Sa Calobra. The nerve of the man! Triumphant Guy, who believes visors deserve no place outside of mountain biking, gave the king of the spinners a green Liquigas cap to keep the sun off his face and tried to compensate for Chris’s loss by telling him the new headgear made him look just like a Dutch pro. You won’t sweet-talk him that easily, buddy! There was more drama on the way back from the mighty Puig Major when ‘INCREDIBLE’ IAN JENKINSON managed to write off a car after crashing into it during a tricky descent – but amazingly, his brand new Serotta was undamaged except for a scratch and the big redhead himself emerged almost unscathed. The man is indestructible! In fact, there was probably far more pain inflicted on the climbs as hard man ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY and the ever-revving RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT tore the legs off everyone. With all that action going on, the campers decided to relax on Friday by going to an Easter parade in Pollenca – but they were slightly disturbed to find that it looked more like a clan meeting. We’ve never seen so many pointy white hoods in one place before! Unofficial camp photographer ED ‘THE MAN’ McKINLEY put together a superb slide show of the trip on his laptop which captured the sunny weather, fantastic views and many happy hours of riding. The hard-riding American left for Morocco before the final evening, which meant that he wasn’t able to take snaps of GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL, GARETH ‘RIGHT THERE’ EARLE and new Dynamette RACHEL JOYCE in various states of undress after they had one Tunel too many and took a post closing-time dip in the hotel pool. Thankfully, DYNAMITE! was on hand with Mrs Dynamite’s trusty camcorder to capture the moment for posterity in glorious night vision. It’s going to make a brilliant club movie evening!

ONE HELL OF A HILL
We returned to the lower level of Dynamo Towers on Sunday afternoon, and after giving Mrs Dynamite a big hug, we turned on the ticker tape machine to find out just how many brilliant results Dynamates had notched up. Nothing could have prepared us for the flood of fantastic news that our antiquated gadget spewed up. The ever-reliable TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT came an impressive 7th at the Surrey League three-day race over the Easter weekend – and he would have finished higher if he hadn’t lost 16 seconds on the first day thanks to the horrible Milland Hill. Tom says: “I was struggling up the 1:4 climb which the Surrey League kindly decided to send us up 10 times.” Damn you, Keith Butler! True to form, big-hearted Tom was once again keen to divert the spotlight to another rider. He revealed to us that Dynamette LUCY ‘DEMURE’ DOVE came second at the first of this season’s Thames Turbo Triathlon series, adding: “She did an awesome bike which was the fastest of all the girls.” Well done, madam! Meanwhile, Milland Hill also featured in MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON’s world of pain after he was forced to go up it seven times in the 51-mile 2/3 support race. Third cat newcomer TOM ‘HANDY’ LANGLEY and JOE ‘CHEEKY BEGGAR’ STEGERS worked with Martin to pull in a promising break. Then, after two competitors attacked half a kilometre from the finish to claim the two top spots, DAVID ‘THE PROFESSOR’ WILLIAMS got a gap in front of the main field with a couple of other riders, allowing him to take 4th while Tom, Martin and Joe finished 6th, 7th and 8th respectively. Martin watched Joe drop most of the field on the hill “despite being more Thor Hushovd than Iban Mayo” and Tom said: “Four Dynamos in the top eight kept us all smiling afterwards.” We bet it did, buddy! TOM ‘TUFTY’ DAVIES was also a happy chappie after finishing 7th at Dunsfold’s 50-mile 3rd cat race. The lank-haired lad crossed the line as part of five-strong chasing group – and he proudly notes: “I didn’t come dead last in a sprint. This is an entirely new experience for me.” You better get used to it, pal!

BALF’S BACK
Finally, DYNAMITE! was relieved to hear that ALEX ‘BALFIE’ BALFOUR is doing well following his operation to remove a malign tumour – and you can find out more about his progress by reading his thread on the forum at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?p=1163&sid=e517a26ee1eed41311a97986216dd5fc#1163. Get well soon, mate!

FUN’S FINISHED
The batteries on our palm-activated electric shock buzzer have run out and we have no ink left to smear on the telephone receiver for that hilarious “black ear” prank. It will be another year until we celebrate April Fool’s but your practical joke-loving journal will be back in just seven days. Until then, always remember that we are a contrived plastic turd and we would be excruciatingly unfunny without you, our bucket of water carefully placed above the door. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘COMEDY’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – but PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO THIS ADDRESS if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as our sides recover from splitting, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. 50ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a joke book.

WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Canter to Surrey and back.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
SATURDAY, MARCH 19, 2005 – SURREY LEAGUE/TM RACING, MoD CHERTSEY, 4/4W/3W, 24 MILES: 1 RICHARD MASON (LONDON DYNAMO) 0:57:00; 2 TOM LANGLEY (LONDON DYNAMO); 3 Toby Meadows (agiskoviner.com); 4 Marcus Browning (VC Meudon); 5 Mark Rickady (unatt); 6 Matthew Plested (agiskoviner.com); 7 STUART JEFFREYS (LONDON DYNAMO); 8 Ed Sneddon (agiskoviner.com); =9 Max Ramirez (Addiscombe); =9 Brian Molloy (Epsom); =9 Colin Fyfe (I-team.co.uk); =9 Nick Bonnor (I-team.co.uk); =9 Ian Beston (Kingston Wheelers); =9 Will Meers (Kingston Wheelers); =9 DARREN MINSHALL (LONDON DYNAMO); =9 CHARLES PEACH (LONDON DYNAMO); =9 JAMES KINMONT (LONDON DYNAMO); =9 CHRISTIAN KINMONT (LONDON DYNAMO); =9 Peter Patterson (unatt); =9 James Stratton (Thames Turbo); =9 Warren Evans (Thames Turbo); =9 Mark Hubbard (TM Racing); =9 Stuart Potts (TM Racing); =9 Peter Davis (TM Racing); =9 Russell Cross (TM Racing); =9 David Baeon (TM Racing); =9 Sean Keith (TM Racing); =9 Hannah Bussey (VC Meudon); 29 Alan Brooks (Crawley); 37 Kate Foster (Thames Turbo).

SUNDAY, MARCH 20 – SURREY LEAGUE/KINGSTON WHEELERS, DUNSFOLD, 2/3, 70 MILES: 1 DAVID WILLIAMS (LONDON DYNAMO); 3:00:00; 2 Mark Scoular (unatt); 3 Colin McDermott (Festival); 4 Paul Tucker (Oxford University); 5 Philip Riley (Southborough and District); 6 Neil Whelan (Southborough and District); 7 Stuart McManus (agiskoviner.com); 8 Dave Creegan (VC Meudon); 9 Stephen Cave (34th Nomads); 10 John Tuckett (Oxford University); 11 Philip Glowinski (VC Londres) 12 James McManus (Gemini); 13 Gianluca Cappello (British Airways); 14 David Larcombe (VC Meudon); 15 Mark Simmonds (Kingsnorth International); 16 Craig Wilson (VC Meudon); 17 Steve Ferguson (Team Maestro); 18 Colin Bateman (Festival); 19 TOM LANGLEY (LONDON DYNAMO); 20 Mike Hawkins (Norwood Paragon); 21 Jaco Ehlers (De Rosa); 22 William Thomas (Viner Agisko); 23 MARTIN WILLIAMSON (LONDON DYNAMO); 24 David Kennett (Fit-For); 25 Lee Smith (agiskoviner.com); 41 JOSEPH STEGERS (LONDON DYNAMO); 49 Seth Kay (poshbikes.com).

SUNDAY, MARCH 20 – SURREY LEAGUE/KINGSTON WHEELERS, DUNSFOLD, 3/J, 50 MILES: 1 Richard Smith (Farnborough and Camberley); 2:07:00; 2 Robert Cranstone (VC Meudon); 3 John Hyde (Basingstoke); 4 Mark Bremner (VC Meudon); 5 Thorsten Klassen (Kingston Wheelers); +2:00; 6 Tony Gordon (Pearson Cycles); 7 TOM DAVIES (LONDON DYNAMO); 8 David Pook (Pearson Cycles); +2:15; 9 Thomas Roberts (Brighton Excelsior) +2:30; 10 Terry Morgan (VC Meudon) +4:00; 11 Stephen Hammer (unatt); 12 Ben Heinrich (I-team.co.uk) +5:00; 13 PIERS STANSFIELD (LONDON DYNAMO); 14 Colin Summerfield (VC Meudon); 15 Martin Sellars (I-team.co.uk); 30 Russell Scott (VC Meudon).

SATURDAY, MARCH 26 – MONDAY, MARCH 28, 2005 – SIGMA SPORT EASTER 3 DAY, FINAL RANKINGS: 1 Gary Dodd (Sigma Sport) 8:18:18; 2 Mark McKay (Alpha) 8:18:18; 3 Rowan Boswood (Mid Devon) 8:18:18; 4 Philip Gale (GA Cycles) 8:18:18; 5 Brett Perez (agiskoviner.com) 8:18:18; 6 Chris McNamara (Tunbridge Wells) 8:18:34; 7 TOM HEMMANT (LONDON DYNAMO) 8:18:34; 8 Joel Stewart (agiskoviner.com) 8:18:34; 9 Henry Furniss (Ride Beyond) 8:19:19; 10 Graeme Lackford (Cycleurope-Bianchi) 8:19:19; 11 Matthew Talbot (Glendene); 8:19:19; 12 Stephen Gowar (Pacific Racing) 8:19:21; 13 Ian Legg (unatt) 8:19:36; 14 Andy Parker (Mid Devon); 8:19:53; 15 Jules Berks (Cycleurope-Bianchi) 8:19:53; 16 Simon McNamara (Tunbridge Wells) 8:26:18; 17 Jamie Higgins (unatt); 8:26:19; 18 Jamie Newell (Evans); 8:26:19; 19 Stephen Dring (Stilton) 8:26:23; 20 Jaco Ehlers (De Rosa) 8:26:29; 63 Chris Richardson (agiskoviner.com) 9:38:32.

SATURDAY, MARCH 26 – SURREY LEAGUE/CC BASINGSTOKE, MILLAND HILL, 2/3, 51 MILES: 1 Richard Smith (Farnborough & Camberley) 2:13:00; 2 Robert Cranstone (VC Meudon); 3 John Tuckett (Oxford University); 4 DAVID WILLIAMS (LONDON DYNAMO); 5 Sean Kilroy (Glendene); 6 TOM LANGLEY (LONDON DYNAMO); 7 MARTIN WILLIAMSON (LONDON DYNAMO); 8 JOSEPH STEGERS (LONDON DYNAMO); 9 Gavin Morton (Charlotteville); 10 Colin Tamon (Tunbridge Wells); 11 Seth Kay (poshbikes.com); 12 Tim Lawn (Kingston Wheelers); 13 Julian Bray (London Phoenix); 14 Lee Chaplin (Twickenham); 15 David Larcombe (VC Meudon); 40 Paul Tucker (Oxford University).

MONDAY, March 28 – Surrey League/Crawley CC, Staplefield, 2/3/J, 52 miles: 1 John Tuckett (Oxford University) 2:22:00; 2 Daniel Duguid (Evans) 3 Scott Budgen (Pearson Cycles) +1:11; 4 James McManus (Gemini BC); 5 Kris Davidson (Sigma) +1:23; 6 Philip Riley (Southborough and District) +3:49; 7 Dave McMullan (Evans) +3:56; 8 Thomas Smith (Twickenham); 9 Matthew Houghton (Rutland); 10 James McVey (Kingston Wheelers); 11 Gianluca Cappello (British Airways); 12 Matt Spurgin (Evans); 13 Marlon Moncrieffe (unatt); 14 GORDON KEENEWAY (LONDON DYNAMO); 15 Julian Bray (London Phoenix); 16 Seth Kay (poshbikes.com); 17 Thomas Dominic (Oxford University); 18 TOM UNDERHILL (LONDON DYNAMO); 19 Jonathan Gormley (McQuaid Tyres); 20 Christian Yates (In Gear); 41 Nigel Smith (Twickenham).

THE LAST WORD
“The mountains were never my cup of tea.”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #49, 08.04.05

SELL MATES
As a proudly independent publication, your favourite weekly Dynamatic update has staunchly rejected the grubby hand of commercialism throughout its distinguished history. But time moves on – and to celebrate the beginning of our second year, we thought it was only fitting to cast off the shackles of idealism so we could rake in a highly-prized selection of free gifts in return for a few hundred words of gleeful promotion. That’s right, Dynamates – you can expect to see the ingratiating phrase “our friends at Cyclefit” appearing in the next item as part of an advertorial feature designed to sell you a great service offered by the Macklin Street maestros. It’s a DYNAMITE first – and probably our last! This edition is also sponsored by our pun-loving pals at For Goodness Shakes – and fitness recovery drink guru STUART ‘POSTAL’ JEFFREYS has discovered that editorial space in the Dynamo e-mail of choice doesn’t come cheap. Greedy DYNAMITE! demanded an entire bottle of Stuart’s Great Choc Malt flavour drink for itself plus a Big Banana flavour for Mrs Dynamite and a saucer of either one for Sash The Unofficial Newsletter Cat. She’s lapping it up as we write – and now you can hop aboard the gravy train with us as we down our free drinks in one. Glug, glug, glug – here comes the first plug…

FAT’S AMAZING
In a shameless bid to impress Mrs Dynamite, we recently ventured out of our famous soundproof bunker to prove just how fit we are with a little help from – you guessed it, Dynamates – our friends at Cyclefit. The cycle science experts are currently offering VO2 max tests to the discerning pedal-pusher who wants to discover how he or she can train more effectively – and Covent Garden co-boss JULIAN ‘WONDER’ WALL took us through the relatively quick and pain-free process. First of all we told the compact chap our age, height and weight, which he then entered into his little box of tricks. Then we stripped down to just our bib shorts to avoid getting too hot and bothered later on. The things we do in the name of science! Half-naked, we clambered on a turbo, put a mask over our mouth which allowed Jules’s gizmo to pick up the amount of carbon dioxide we exhaled and pedalled like mad while the orange-clad technician gradually increasing the resistance. Around 18 panting minutes later, Julian’s clever gizmo had identified our fat burning zones – and amazingly, you can go faster for longer if you train within these magic numbers. It doesn’t get any more precise than that! The service usually costs £120 – but Dynamo members can get it for just £108. To make an appointment call 020 7430 0083 or e-mail info@cyclefit.co.uk. And tell them DYNAMITE! sent you!

GREAT SHAKES
After a tough 18 minutes of pedalling, we were pleased to have a swig or three from our bottle of For Goodness Shakes. Naturally, this wordplay-loving organ gives its blessing to any product with a winning pun, but STUART ‘POSTAL’ JEFFREYS’ sports recovery drink has also found a more objective fan in the form of race secretary PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN, who reckons the pre-mixed drink is just as good as powdery old Rego. Put his face on the bottle, Stu! The low-fat drink is an all-natural product which uses milk’s high biological value proteins for it’s world-class recovery performance – and we’ve managed to negotiate a special deal exclusively for Dynamates. For Goodness shakes costs from 99p to £1.39 in the shops – but you can have six for just £5. To take advantage of this exclusive offer, simply e-mail stuart_jeffreys@hotmail.com. How could anyone refuse a great bargain like that?

OVER THE MUMHAN
One member who probably could have done with one of Stuart’s tasty tipples is IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE, who dropped us a line to say he competed in Ireland’s second-biggest stage race in County Kerry at the end of last month with WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE and non-‘Mos Ed Perry, Russell Page and Simon Saunders. The five-man Surrey League team were delighted to win the yellow jersey in the first stage of the Ras Mumhan – pronounced “raws moon” – after Simon nailed the closing uphill sprint in Killorgin town centre. The 94-mile second stage threw up a category 1 climb called the Conor Pass and Warrick successfully bridged across to the gap on the climb to finish 9th. What a hero! Sunday comprised a time trial and a rainy afternoon stage which saw Warrick escape in a small chase group in the closing stage to finish 6th. The pony-tailed point-gobbler was in another chasing group for the last stage the next day in which he clinched 7th on both the stage and the final general classification. There’s no stopping him!

LOVELY BUBBLY
Ian was actually on the subs bench for Ras Mumhan until TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT pulled out due to work commitments – and Dynamo’s quiet man ended up having a spot of bother at Stoneleigh in the West Midlands on Saturday before taking 4th place at the Archer Spring road race on Sunday. Tom reveals that he was “well outclassed” at the first round of the elite circuit race series, adding: “It was so fast that the whole field was one long line.” He ground out his pedal on a corner and pulled out after 45 minutes to avoid stacking it. Wise move, mate! Retiring to the stands, Tom was able to watch WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE and three others bridge across a huge gap to big hitters Julian Winn, Dean Downing and James Taylor. Warrick bagged 3rd place after Downing took a flyer with one and a half laps to go – and Tom says: “Warrick got £250, some flowers and got to spray champagne everywhere.” And a peck from a podium girl, we hope!

RONDE THE BEND
Travel-loving powerhouse GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL is another Dynamate who took the Dynamo brand outside the capital this week – and as competitive as ever, he just had to go further afield than anyone else. The Trek-riding titan went to Belgium on Saturday to ride 90 miles of the Tour of Flanders course with around 1300 other nutters – and he reveals: “The climbs are very steep but short and the cobbled sections shake you to bits. I saw about 100 crashes. How the pros do it I’ll never know.” We don’t know either! The next day Guy watched Tom Boonen become a Belgian national hero by winning the Ronde van Vlaanderen with a 9km flyer to the line. The property mogul was in a town square with a giant video screen showing the race surrounded by 10,000 Belgians. So what was their reaction when Boonen won? “Total madness!”

SOULED OUT
We’ve finally come to our senses and realised that we’ve sold our souls for a few delicious milkshakes and the chance to pedal semi-nude in front of JULIAN “WONDER’ WALL. We’ll be back in one week’s time when we hope to have recovered a little of our dignity – so until then, please remember we are a worthless wretch and we would be nothing without you, our redeeming readership and kind contributors. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘CORPORATE’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – but PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO THIS ADDRESS if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition And now, as we say three Hail Marys to atone for our sins, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
The Parkride Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate, 9am Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. 50ish miles at a steady pace Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a gift bag.

WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm Canter to Surrey and back.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
FRIDAY, MARCH 25- MONDAY, MARCH 28: CREDIT UNION RAS MUMHAN, COUNTY KERRY, IRELAND, FINAL GENERAL CLASSIFICATION: 1 John Dempsey (Dan Morrissey Carrick Wheelers) 10.40.26; 2 Conor Murphy (Kanturk CUCC) +01; 3 Paul Griffin (Earl Of Desmond) +57; 4 Eugene Moriarty (Cycleways.com); 5 Brian Keane (Leinster Cycling Federation) +1.28; 6 Martin O’Loughlin (Dan Morrissey Carrick Wheelers) +1.41; 7 WARRICK SPENCE (SURREY LEAGUE) 3.34; 8 Rory Wyley (Dan Morrissey Carrick Wheelers) +3.36; 9 Simon Saunders (Surrey League) +4.04; 10 Miceal Concannon (Killorglin Credit Union) +6.08.

SATURDAY, APRIL 2 – BIKE SHOW CIRCUIT CUP, STONELEIGH SHOW GROUND, E/1: 1 Dean Downing (recycling.co.uk); 2 James Taylor (www.sportscoaching.com) +9secs; 3 WARWICK SPENCE (LONDON DYNAMO); 4 Steven Higgins (JE James) 5 Simon Gaywood (Luton) 6 Oli Beckinsale (Scott UK) +11secs 7 Julian Winn (Pinarello) +13secs; 8 Jamie Newall (Evans Cycles) +21secs; 9 Phil Spencer (Trek); 10 Geoffrey Beetham (Shokwave) +33secs; 11 James Notely (cyclestore.co.uk); 12 Jody Crawforth (Evans Cycles) +48secs; 13 Ian Bibby (Trek) +51secs; 14 Gerry Bowditch (Shokwave); 15 Stuart Bowers (Richey CycleOps) +53secs; 16 Justin Hoy (Evans Cycles) 17 James Williams (Ritchey CycleOps); 18 George Richardson (Mercury CycloOps); 19 Russell Downing (recycling.co.uk); 20 Ian Holt (Viner Bikes); 21 Ian Field (Trek); 22 Tom Smith (Viner Bikes); 23 Vincent Halpern (Twickenham); 24 Matthew Higgins (Unatt); 25 Chris Tune (Viner Bikes); 26 Dave Collins (Scott); 27 Nick Craig (Scott); 28 Malcolm Elliot (Pinarello).

SATURDAY, APRIL 2 – SURREY LEAGUE/ADDISCOMBE CC, NORWOOD HILL, 3/J/W, 52 MILES: 1 Justin Lomas (Norwood Paragon) 02:06:35; 2 Steve Calland (Norwood Paragon) +030; 3 Russell Painter (Norwood Paragon); +1:32; 4 Matthew Rugman (Kingsnorth) +1:42; 5 Tim Lawn (Kingston Wheelers) +3:14; 6 Robert Fallon (Fit-For) +3:55; 7 Stuart Grimes (Team Axiom) 8 Marlon Moncrieffe (unatt); 9 Toni Bond (TM Racing); 10 Ian O’Hara (Sydenham Wheelers); 11 George Higgs (Brighton Excelsior); 12 Brian Tidey (Addiscombe); 13 Mark Cole (Addiscombe); 14 ROB TUBBS (LONDON DYNAMO); 15 Brian Molloy (Epsom); 16 Neil MacLennan (Team Corridori); 17 Simon Thomson (Agiskoviner); 18 Marek Siwicki (Addiscombe); 19 Julian Rickard (Epsom); 20 Dillon Adams (Norwood Paragon); 21 Duncan Murdoch (Redhill); 22 Tony Gordon (Pearson Cycles); 23 Robert Jeffroy (London Dynamo); 24 Kevin Butchart (Twickenham); 25 DAVID STREULE (LONDON DYNAMO); 26 Thorsten Klassen (Kingston Wheelers); 27 TOM LANGLEY (LONDON DYNAMO); 28 William Thomas (Viner Agisko); 29 Ben Dallison (Twickenham); 30 Dan Bartley (Redhill); 31 Peter Patterson (unatt); 32 Richard Varian (Epsom); +1 Lap; 33 Richard Barrowclough (Team Sport & Publicity); 34 Hannah Reynolds (Evans Cycles).

TUESDAY, APRIL 4 – ARCHER SPRING ROAD RACE, 50 MILES: 1 Edward Whitehorn (Glendene CC/Bike Trax); 2:04:40; 2 A. McCaffrey (Alpha RC/Corley Cycles); 3 J. Stewart (Agiskoviner.com); 4 C. McNamara (Ewhurst Controls/Wildside Cycles); 5 TOM HEMMANT (LONDON DYNAMO) +0.25; 6 P. Holdsworth (Hounslow and District Wheelers); 7 T. Crouch (Team Synergy); 8 Y. Milliere (Kingston Wheelers); 9 M. Freeman (Wills Wheels RT); 10 A. Holding (Ewhurst Controls/Wildside Cycles); 11 S. Kilroy (Glendene CC/Biketrax); 12 unidentified; 13 S. McNamara (Ewhurst Controls/Wildside Cycles); 14 J. Edwards (Ewhurst Controls/Wildside Cycles); 15 M. Sussex (Ewhurst Controls/Wildside Cycles); 16 M. Metayer (Sport and Publicity); 17 E. Medelling (Sport & Publicity); 18 M. Gardner (Glendene CC/Biketrax); 19 H. Furniss (Ride Beyond); 20 M. Wellington (Alpha RC/Corley Cycles); 21 S. McManus (Agiskoviner.com); 22 N. Hodgson (Severn RC); 23 B. Perez (Agiskoviner.com); 24 P. Holloway (Southend); 25 B. Heaslip (Kenton RC); 26 J. Poynter (Ride Beyond); 27 V. Divine (Luton CC/Bandon Cleaning); 28 D. Pembroke (Agiskoviner.com); 29 R. Basford (Ride Beyond); 30 M. Porter (Glendene CC/Biketrax); 31 S. Humpherson (London Dynamo/Cyclefit.co.uk); 32 N. Campbell (Team Milton Keynes/Corley Cycles); 33 N. O’Briend (Tm Quest/The Bike Shop); 34, L. Chaplin (Twickenham/Evans/Natures Kiss); 35 R. Simpson (unatt); 36 N. Smith (Twickenham/Evans/Natures Kiss); 37 R. Clewes (Swindon Wh).

THE LAST WORD
“I said: ‘Remember what Bobet has been through (a major op to remove masses of pus from his back, taking seven hours of surgery). Simo looked straight at me and said: ‘Who gives a f**k about Bobet?'”