The DYNAMITE! Files

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #70, 02.09.05

FLANDERS’ YIELD
It’s the country synonymous with tough riders and luxury chocolates – so it’s fitting that a hard Dynamo with a soft centre should hop aboard a Eurostar to show those feisty Flandrians the incredible might of the ‘Mo. That’s right, Merckx-loving reader – daring elite TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT found out what it’s really like mixing it up with some proper big boys when he went to Belgium this week with fellow south-east riders Matt Talbot and Henry Furniss. It wasn’t pretty, but the diligent accountant was pleased to discover a princely profit of nine euros when he looked at his balance sheet for entry fees and prize money. In his line of work, there are plenty of ways to keep that tidy little sum from the taxman! This edition of your favourite Dyna-matic update also features news of five Dynamates’ impressive performances at the Surrey League three-day and an update on the aftermath of the recent Parkride spills – but let’s start by raising a glass to a country where they really know how to put on a race. Here comes a foaming tankard of Duvel…

BLONDE AMBITION
He’s a snip above the rest in the Surrey League – but not even Glyn Durrant’s distinctive ‘do could prepare TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT for the multitude of mullets, many of them bleached blonde, that awaited him as he set out to achieve his ambition of racing in Belgium. And the races were pretty hair-raising as well! Dynamo’s quiet man turned up on the starting line in what he describes as “a small village with a strange name to the east of Brussels” on Saturday and witnessed full-on attacks from the front which set the savage pace. He reveals: “Once a rider is pulled back they just repeat over and over until the bunch splits.” Nasty stuff! Tactical Tom pulled out at the 90km mark after missing a break, thereby saving his legs for the following day’s racing which saw him take 13th, even though he briefly created a gap by taking an alternative means to negotiate a roundabout. His final race on Monday ended in 15 minutes because “the legs were done in and the head was even worse”, so Tom sat in the glorious sunshine enjoying a cloudy beer while watching the others suffer. That must have been tough, pal! Despite his two DNFs, the former Solna Avenue resident was pleased not to be totally outclassed – and he reveals: “It’s very cool racing there. Even for a ‘chipper’ race they use a PA, close the roads, put up barriers for the finish and pull in reasonable crowds. There might have to be some Dynamo trips next season.” Dyna-masochists, form an orderly queue!

THREE IS THE MAGIC NUMBER
Meanwhile, over in Surrey, Bank Holiday big-hitters GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS, MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT, SEAN ‘HANDY’ HANNEBERRY, RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT and MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON made sure Dynamo got at least one rider in the top ten of each stage in the Cycles Dauphin three-day – a feat unmatched by any other club in this year’s race. Well done, fellas! Williamson the Weybridge wonder was one of the few who chose to use tri-bars for the opening 1.8 mile time trial up Box Hill – and the tactic bagged him 2nd place, a mere nine seconds behind Pearson Cycles’ Michael Ladbrook. The rest of the weekend was a bit of a rollercoaster for the Dynamo hunk – a puncture on stage two forced him to chase the pack unsuccessfully for three laps of the Dunsfold circuit before coming a blistering 3rd at the 11-mile Ewhurst time trial and crashing out in the final 60-mile stage. Martin Garratt, who bent two Ksyrium spokes in the same smash, said of his namesake: “How much more bad luck can a guy have?” Fortune, however, was smiling on Rusty in stage two when he finished 8th, giving the tenacious tiddler enough points to hold on to his 2nd cat licence. Mission accomplished! True to form, club president Guy had a tantrum during the same stage when the successful late break went off without any Dynamates in it – but Chairman ‘Mo changed his tune when he witnessed Sean see off the rest of the bunch to claim 7th place. Guy exclaims: “That boy can sprint!” Tenth-placed Martin Garratt completed the hat-trick of Dynamos in the top ten on the Dunsfold results sheet, making stage two their most successful showing in the race. But the weekend turned out to be Guy’s Dyna-moment of glory – losing only 22secs in the opening TT, climbing the general classification at the stage three time trial, where he was cheered on by the passing Dynamo Surrey Hills riders, and finishing 6th in the final road stage at Ewhurst was enough to give him 7th place overall. If that doesn’t put a smile on his face, nothing will!

SHARP SHOOTER
With Guy turning his attention to road racing, it’s been left to another Dynamo board member to sprinkle a little Dyna-magic on the world of time trialling. Race secretary PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN came 5th in the Cliff Sharp 25 on Sunday 20th with a time of 0.57.22. We’ll let you know if he got his revenge on winner Jamie Dear at their rematch this week when the Kingston killer lets us know! On the same day Paul clamped on his tri-bars, Dynamettes ZOE ARTHUR and TANYA PERETT completed Ironman UK in 14hrs 29mins 56secs, with the hilly bike section taking them 7.5 hours alone. Tanya reveals: “We’re feeling very proud, albeit a little stiff, and we’ll be back joining the weekend rides soon.” We look forward to seeing you again, ladies!

PARK STRIFE
Finally, JOHN O’CONNELL has dropped off a quick update on the injuries he sustained during his recent touch of wheels on the Parkride. It seems we were a little premature in stating the spill only caused a few cuts and bruises because Kingston hospital’s X-ray department has revealed John has a hairline fracture in his elbow – but the doctor has given him the all clear to start riding again. He asks everyone to “stay safe” and adds: “When that little voice in your head tells you that it’s too dangerous, it probably is!”

MUSSELING OUT
The last banger has been polished off the plate and we hope you’ve had a s-mash-ing time. Many thanks for all your contributions – but please remember we are a bottle of white wine whose sole purpose is to marinade you, our pot of tasty mussels. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘BRUGES’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we ask for the bill, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a Roubaix cobble.

WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Five laps of the park at race pace.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
FRIDAY, AUGUST 26 – SUNDAY, AUGUST 28 – CYCLES DAUPHIN SURREY LEAGUE ARMY CU 3 DAY, FINAL GENERAL CLASSIFICATION: 1 Colin McDermott (Festival) 5:53:50; 2 Jaco Ehlers (De Rosa) +0:00:49; 3 Daniel James (VC St Raphael) +0:00:49; 4 Gavin Morton (Charlotteville) +0:01:27; 5 David Kennett (Fit-For) +0:01:38; 6 Christopher Barr (Army CU) +0:01:43; 7 GUY ANDREWS (LONDON DYNAMO) +0:01:46; 8 Ian O’Hara (Sydenham Wheelers) +0:02:02; 9 Michael Ladbrook (Pearson Cycles) +0:02:22; 10 Nicholas Dawes (Farnborough and Camberley) +0:02:31; 11 Philip Watkins (Addiscombe) +0:02:41; 12 Russell Shingles (In Gear Quickvit) +0:02:42; 13 Pete Connelly (VC Meudon) +0:02:45; 14 Richard Pearman (Velocity the Exercise Deck) +0:02:46; 15 David Larcombe (VC Meudon) +0:02:58; 16 Mickael Metayer (Fit-For) +0:03:08; 17 Chester Hill (TM Racing) +0:03:11; 18 Julian Bray (London Phoenix) +0:03:17; 19 Shannon Durrant (Pearson Cycles) +0:03:19; 20 Graham Wood (Crawley) +0:03:24; 21 MARTIN GARRATT (LONDON DYNAMO) +0:03:48; 22 Graham Wyatt (Velocity the Exercise Deck) +0:04:02; 23 Robert Fallon (Fit-For) +0:04:04; 24 Giles Bowell (Twickenham) +0:04:12; 25 Chris Howard (Southborough and District) +0:04:45; 26 SEAN HANNEBERRY (LONDON DYNAMO) +0:04:47; 27 Jonathan Marchini (Oxford University) +0:04:56; 28 RUSSELL SHORT (LONDON DYNAMO) +0:05:12; 29 Neil Linford-Relph (VC Meudon) +0:05:28; 30 Daron Gardner (Basingstoke) +0:05:42; 31 Cyan Collier (Oxford City) +0:05:52; 32 Kevin Blann (Velocity the Exercise Deck) +0:06:41; 33 George Lagvillo (Twickenham) +0:07:00; 34 Andrew Norfolk (agiskoviner.com) +0:08:15; 35 Chris Wallis (TM Racing) +0:18:08; 36 Matthew Rugman (Kingsnorth International) +0:19:16; 37 Kevin Davey (Pacific Racing) +0:22:03; 38 Jon Masters (Redhill) +0:28:55; 39 Peter Williams (Army CU) +0:33:14; 40 Hannah Bussey (VC Meudon) +0:37:41.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 27 – BC WEST THAMES/HEMEL HEMPSTEAD CC CIRCUITS, HILLINGDON CYCLE CIRCUIT, E/1/2/3, 60KM: 1 Paul Crook (Anglia Sport/Condor) 1:30.45; 2 P. Pickup (Liphook Cycles); 3 C. Roshier (Team Quest) +3secs; 4 T. Neave (Liphook Cycles) +5secs; 5 J. Hoy (Evans Cycles) +43secs; 6 R. Painter (Norwood Paragon); 7 S. Hammer (Agisko Viner) +54secs; 8 V. Halpern (AW Cycles); 9 S. Lawn (Sigma Sport); 10 M. Docker (PCA/Ciclos Uno); 11 J. Fletcher (Economic Energy); 12 J. Ormston (Team Quest); 13 D. Walters (Ajchua Limoux); 14 Unidentified; 15 N. Hastler (Essex Roads); 16 GAVIN RYAN (LONDON DYNAMO); 17 R. Morgan (Stilton); 18 B. Stone (Oxford University); 19 R. Jerome (Willesden); 20 P. Stedman (Reading); 21 S. Golla (High Wycombe); 22 ANDREW STRONGE (LONDON DYNAMO); 23 CHRIS CAMPBELL (LONDON DYNAMO); 24 T. Klassen (Kingston Wheelers); 25 Unidentified; 26 Unidentified; 27 A. McInnnes (RAF); 28 M. Ketterer (Team Quest); 29 M. Holt (Cambridge University); 30 R. Garlinge (Team Quest); 31 P. Clarke (unatt); 32 M. Anderson (agiskoviner.com); 33 C. Denman (Beyond Mountain Bikes); 34 K. Lambourn (Whitewebbs); 35 A. Bojarski (Hemel Hempstead); 36 L. Terry (agiskoviner.com).

SATURDAY, AUGUST 27 – BC WEST THAMES/HEMEL HEMPSTEAD CC CIRCUITS, HILLINGDON CYCLE CIRCUIT, 4/W/J, 45KM: 1 Russell Cross (TM Racing); 2 CHRIS SHAW (LONDON DYNAMO); 3 B. Lowe (Twickenham); 4 A. Moore (TM Racing); 5 P. Moulton (unatt); 6 K. Blythe (GS Strada); 7 BILL GILBERT (LONDON DYNAMO); 8 Unidentified; 9 S. Parker (Tri & Run); 10 S. Potts (TM Racing).

MONDAY, AUGUST 29 – SOUTHEND WHEELERS CRITS, EASTWAY, E/1/2/3/4, 56KM: 1 Simon Cope (Pacific RT) 1:24:20.5; 2 Dean Shannon (Southend Wheelers) 1:24:20.5; 3 Lee Day (Liphook Cycles) 1:24:20.7; 4 James Cocker (Finsbury Park) 1:24:20.8; 5 Matt Seaton (VC Londres) 1:24:21.9; 6 Matt Smith (Gemini) 1:24:24.0; 7 Paul Mill (Team Edwards) 1:24:25.0; 8 22 Andrew Meilak (Posh Bikes.com) 1:25:08.3; 9 Joe Fletcher (Team Economic Energy) 1:25:08.5; 10 Nick Hastler (Essex Roads) 1:25:08.9; 11 Aldous Shaun (Interbike) 1:25:20.7; 12 Martin Meades (API) 1:25:21; 13 Stuart Heade (1:25:39.5); 14 Gary Kristensen (agiskoviner.com) 1:25:39.9; 15 Steven Griffiths (Interbike) 1:25:40.0; 16 Steve Hammer (agiskoviner.com) 1:25:40.6; 17 Anibal Savash (Victoria) 1:25:40.8; 18 Des Gayler Des (Kenton); 1:25:41.1; 19 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO) 1:25:41.1; 20 Robin Basford (Ride Beyond) 1:25:41.4; 21 Mark Waller (Southend Wheelers) 1:25:41.5; 22 Chris Farrell (unatt) 1:25:41.6; 23 Dan Fentiman (Tri and run) 1:25:41.6; 24 Oscar Challis (Dulwich Paragon) 1:25:41.8; 25 Simon Hazeldine (Addiscombe) 1:25:42.0; 26 Simon Bild (Sport and Publicity) 1:25:42.1; 27 TOM DAVIES (LONDON DYNAMO) 1:25:42.4; 28 Peter Elmes (Gemini) 1:25:43.2; 29 6 Martin McCrossan (Trackcycling.co.uk) 1:25:43.7; 30 Ben Davey (Blue Sky Cycles) 1:25:44.5; 31 Andy McPherson (Liphook Cycles) 1:25:45.4; 32 Mike Gardener (Glendene) 1:25:53.0; 33 Chris Negus (Shaftesbury) 1:25:59.2; 34 Phil Hetzel (Ipswich) 1:26:03.1.

MONDAY, AUGUST 29 – SOUTHEND WHEELERS CRITS, EASTWAY, 3/4/W/J 52KM: 1 Simon Bateson (Elite) 1:19:23.7; 2 Kevin Barker (PCA/Ciclos Uno) 1:19:58.0; 3 RICHARD MASON (LONDON DYNAMO) 1:19:59.2; 4 Roger Molinari (Economic Energy) 1:19:59.3; 5 Gerard Tighe (Finsbury Park) 1:19:59.5; 6 Jay Hunter (Interbike) 1:19:59.6; 7 Farrow Richard West Suffolk Whlrs 1:20:01.1; 8 Kim Blythe (Gs Strada) 1:20:03.0; 9 Carl McDonagh (Brixton Cycles) 1:20:03.4; 10 Allister Tulett (Edwards) 1:20:03.6; 11 Mark Walter (London Phoenix) 1:20:03.7; 12 David Gayler (Kenton) 1:20:03.9; 13 Tom Burke (Dulwich Paragon) 1:20:04.1; 14 Jonathan Maher (Sigma Sport) 1:20:04.4; 15 Alan Hill (Gemini) 1:20:04.9.

THE LAST WORD
“A yellow jersey was bought in the first shop we came to. It was just the right size, although we had to cut a slightly larger hole for my head to go through.”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #71, 09.09.05

DOUBLE THE FUN
Performing brilliantly at the tail end of the season when other teams are beginning to flag is twice as nice – and with the capital’s most tireless club entering more than two times its usual number of events this weekend, the pressure was really on to deliver Dyna-more great placings. But you lot made DYNAMITE! doubly delighted when we saw the great results spewing out of our famous ticker tape machine on Monday morning. Now that’s what we call an awesome sight! Strong showings at Eastway, Rusper, Harrogate and even a knobbly-tyred outing in Bracknell proved once again that Dynamo has some impressive individuals in its midst – but bizarrely, it also had a mysterious doppelganger lurking beneath the shadow of Parliament. We also have some exciting news about that long-awaited kit order – but come with us now as we begin by reflecting on what went on at the prestigious Westminster crit. Here comes a startling mirror image…

KEEP ‘EM IN CHICK
It had to happen sometime, Dynamates! After many years of dangling beneath his helmet and providing his trailing rivals with a carrot they struggled to reach, WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE’s ponytail has finally dropped to the barber shop floor. Let’s hope long-haired hero ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY doesn’t follow hirsute! Thankfully, the Cyclefit sensation hasn’t suffered any Samson-like sapping of his strength, which he proved by taking 2nd at the ESL 30th anniversary race at Eastway on Saturday before finishing 4th among the 200-strong field in the Bob Chicken London Grand Prix the very next day. While chewing the fat with the crafty Kiwi at his WC2 HQ, DYNAMITE! learned that he kept his opponents in check at the incredibly fast race by getting a mysterious ‘Mo to attack after the bike fitter fell back from the head of the field to around 30th place. Without his distinctive mane to mark him out, the confused race leaders thought the daring doppelganger was actually the bespectacled boy wonder himself and duly got on the unknown Dynamo’s wheel, giving short-haired Warrick the opportunity to return to the front. They shorn won’t make that mistake again! Sadly, the Covent Garden go-getter didn’t find out the name of that Dyna-mystery man – but we can safely rule out fellow Westminster critters NICK ‘BOMBSHELL’ PEACOCK, GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL, RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT and STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES as none of them ride a black and red Specialized. Drop us a line at news@londondynamo.co.uk if you know who this guy is or if you are the sneaky fella himself. We’re itching to find out!

GINGER WINNER
Talking of Kiwis, DYNAMITE! was delighted to hear that Warrick’s countryman RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON achieved his goal of the season in a 189km 3/4 stage race at the weekend. The ginger New Zealander – and we are pleased to point out he isn’t from Australia as this periodical previously suggested – won his sought-after 2nd cat licence thanks to an impressive performance at the Yorks Otley CC/Airedale Olympic Two Day event, which consisted of a 9km time trial starting on a one-in-five climb and two 80km road stages. Testing stuff! Richard, who was 9th in the opening stage, 4th on the final one and 10th overall, says of the Harrogate terrain: “Hilly doesn’t even come close to describing it.” We bet it doesn’t, buddy! Meanwhile, over in Rusper, comeback kid DAVID ‘STRINGY’ STREULE didn’t let his two months out of racing stop him taking the No.3 spot in a bunch sprint at the Surrey League 3rd cat race. You’re putting us all to shame, pal!

BRACK WITH A VENGEANCE
He’s had his fair share of success on slicks – but CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN made a superb return to his off-road roots on Sunday for the 5th race in the Southern XC MTB series which took place in Bracknell. The King of the Spinners, who came 10th in the sport category after negotiating lots of jumps and twisty singletrack, admits: “It was hard. I fell off three times – nothing major but after the third time I had to laugh at my lack of skill.” Undeterred, Chris has vowed to do a hillier race on knobbly tyres in a few weeks. That’s the spirit! In other non-road news, jet-setter DOMINIC ‘I WANT IT ALL’ PAUL took time out from his globetrotting schedule to let us know he came 6th overall at the Geneva International Triathlon before stuffing his face with fondues – and he reveals that LUCY ‘DEMURE’ DOVE has been living up to her Dyna-moniker by declining to mention she was 11th woman in the European Triathlon in Lausanne a couple of weeks ago. You kept that one quiet, luv!

NEW KIT IN TOWN SOON
Finally, DYNAMITE! is delighted to announce that the Dynamo boardroom has been a flurry of activity over the past seven days as the club’s high-powered executives complete arrangements for a consignment of brand spanking new kit. That’s right, fashion-loving reader – following months of frustration, Dynamo’s leaders have decided to ditch their current supplier and go with another firm to bring you the most sought-after outfits this side of Roehampton Gate. In a major break with tradition, each member will have to pre-order and pay via the Dynamo website to make sure they get their gear. A letter with more details will be heading your way soon. Bet you can’t wait!

COPY OUT
Hopefully, we’ve managed to duplicate some of the excitement of the past seven days in this missive – and it’s all thanks to your contributions. Always remember we are a shoddy facsimile and we would be nothing without you, our perfect likeness. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘DEAD RINGER’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we prepare a carbon copy of this week’s jokes for our next edition, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a lookalike.

WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Five laps of the park at race pace.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 3 – WEST THAMES/POLYTECHNIC CC CIRCUIT RACE, HILLINGDON CYCLE CIRCUIT E/1/2/3, 60KM: 1 Nigel Williams (Python RT) 1:31:28; 2 V Halpern (AW Cycles) +2secs; 3 G Bowditch (Ritchey Cycleops) +4secs; 4 H Furniss (Ride Beyond); 5 R Painter (Norwood Paragon); 6 D Davies (AgiskoViner) +50secs; 7 P ATKINSON (LONDON DYNAMO); 8 J Ormston (Team Quest); 9 R Rowles (Mission Racing); 10 M Holt (Cambridge University) +54secs.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 3 – WEST THAMES/POLYTECHNIC CC CIRCUIT RACE, HILLINGDON CYCLE CIRCUIT, 4/W/J: 1 Phil O’Leary (Icknield); 2 CHRIS SHAW (LONDON DYNAMO); 3 I Lowe (Thames Velo); 4 A Broadbent (Thames Velo); 5 J Norris (High Wycombe); 6 D Kennedy (Hounslow and District Wheelers); 7 S Potts (TM Racing); 8 unidentified; 9 unidentified; 10 B PLOWMAN (LONDON DYNAMO).

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 3 – ESL EASTWAYS 30TH ANNIVERSARY, EASTWAY CYCLE CIRCUIT, E/1/2, 51KM: 1 Gary Baker (Angliasport) 1:10:21; 2 WARRICK SPENCE (LONDON DYNAMO); 3 Paul Pickup (Liphook Cycles); 4 Matt Talbot (Glendene/Biketrax); 5 Andy Lyons (Stilton) 6 Ben Price (Stilton) 1:10:24; 7 Dean (Shannon Southend Wheelers); 8 Tony Gibb (PCA); 9 Brett Perez (agiskoviner.com); 10 Daniel Rudd (Team Edwardes).

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 4 – BOB CHICKEN LONDON GRAND PRIX, WESTMINSTER, E/1/2/3, 50KM: 1 Ian Holt (Viner Bikes Agisko); 2 James Taylor (sportscoaching.com); 3 Tony Gibb (PCA); 4 WARRICK SPENCE (LONDON DYNAMO); 5 Bryan Taylor (VC Londres); 6 George Richardson (Ritchey Cycleops); 7 Grant Bayton (Angliasport); 8 Simon Cope (Pacific); 9 Jonathan Dayus (Arctic Shorter Rochford); 10 Matt Holmes (Arctic Shorter Rochford); 11 Simon Bild (Sport and Publicity); 12 Nic Tilling (Angliasport); 13 Daniel Davies (Agiskoviner.com); 14 Brett Perez (agiskoviner.com); 15 Domonic Gabbelini (Angliasport); 16 Adam Blythe (Pinnarello); 17 Ben Luckwell (Team Maestro); 18 Matt Blythe (Newport); 19 James Millard (Bouwelsa Wielervriended); 20 Jaco Ehlers (De Rosa).

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 4 – SURREY LEAGUE, RUSPER, 3/J/W, 56 MILES: 1 Chris Wallis (TM Racing) 2 David Roberts (Crawley); 3 DAVID STREULE (LONDON DYNAMO); 4 Nick Young (Southborough and District); 5 Jo Corbett (TM Racing); 6 Tom Copeland (VC Eastbourne); 7 Marek Siwicki (Addiscombe); 8 Andrew Seltzer (East Grinstead); 9 Andy Taylor (Crawley Wheelers); 10 Keith Boniface (34th Nomads); 11 ROB JEFFROY (LONDON DYNAMO); 12 Jon Masters (Redhill) 13 CHRIS CAMPBELL (LONDON DYNAMO); 14 Nick Haskins (unatt); 15 Douglas Fox (Crawley Wheelers); 16 James McManus (Gemini); 17 Paul Gosling (Brighton Excelsior); 18 Jonathan Donald (Brixton); 19 David Watkinson (Red Kite); 20 Richard Barrowclough (Team Sport and Publicity); 21 Lindsey Ruocco (VC Meudon); 22 DAVID NORRIS (LONDON DYNAMO); 23 Duncan Murdoch (Redhill); 24 John Leitch (Festival); 25 James Hopkins (Redhill).

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 4 – SOUTHERN XC MTB SERIES, RACE 5, SPORT MEN: 1 Mark Russell (Team Torq Bar/Wheelies); 2 Carl Harris (Halfords/Bikehut); 3 Gerald Tudor (Robin Cycles/West Drayton); 4 Mike Moleschi (Hardcore Racing); 5 Tim Smith (Beyond Mountain Bikes/West Drayton); 6 Jay McStay (Twickenham); 7 Daniel Eastment (Ham Hill Billies); 8 Mattias Kunz; 9 Matthew Wex (Army CU); 10 CHRIS CHAPMAN (LONDON DYNAMO).

THE LAST WORD
“Dressed somewhere between hillbillies and aerobics instructors, high on fresh air and the out-of-doors, we laugh, eat, get wet, fix tires, sleep on hard ground, and hurt together, all just alike.”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #72, 16.09.05

IT’S URN-LY A GAME
As the devoted partner of a peddle-pusher, there’s nothing Mrs Dynamite likes more than to snuggle up on the sofa with DYNAMITE! and watch hours upon hours of gripping live coverage from a grand tour. It’s what Saturday afternoons were made for! This week, however, we were banished to the corner of our famous soundproof bunker while the first lady of the newsletter proved she’s a proper South African by going goggle-eyed over googlies and thundering balls. That’s right, Ashes-mad reader – much to this organ’s dismay, a certain sporting event contested by gentlemen in impractically white outfits for the dubious glory of winning a laughably small urn has invaded our proudly independent cycling republic. Frankly, the only runs we know about are the kind you get from a poorly-disinfected bidon – but we like to think that fast-spinning a few cricket-related puns shows your favourite Dyna-matic update has moved from the boundary of disinterest to the crease of acceptance. And you can’t say fairer than bat! We’ll be Ponting out what went on at Chertsey’s Surrey League showdown in just a Dyna-moment – but there’s no time to Langer round as we bring you an exhaustive update of what’s happening with Dynamo’s regular rides and news of our new kit order. So come with us and prepare to be Warne out…

RICH DITCHED
Those who spend a fair proportion of their working day lurking around the forum area of the Dynamo website will have been delighted to learn that a new ride is making its debut this weekend – but as one outing emerges, another has had to be ditched for a week. It is with a heavy heart, Dynamates, that we are forced to announce there will be no Parkride tomorrow as Richmond Park is closed for the London Duathlon. The cheeky sods didn’t even ask our permission! To cheer yourself up, scroll down to “This Week’s Rides” to find out how every Dyna-masochist plans to keep race fit this winter. Sunday mornings will never be the same again!

IT KITS THE BILL
You can put an even bigger smile on your face by taking a gander at the top-quality sporting vestment that will soon be emblazoned with the famous blue, black and orange livery of the capital’s snazziest cycle squad. There has been a flurry of exciting Dyna-meetings during the past few days to work out the finer details of the new Dynamo kit and its web-based ordering system – so to tide yourself over until the Dyna-management make an official announcement, see http://www.cyclingnews.com/tech.php?id=tech/2005/reviews/sportful_tour_bib to find out more about the garment that will soon be lovingly encasing your intimate areas. It doesn’t get any comfier than that! Before the new kit arrives, there will also be a limited number of warming Dynamo gilets available at a special price just as winter sets in. So don’t say Dynamo doesn’t look after you!

SMILES AHEAD
Talking of grins, which we were some time ago, comeback lad DAVID ‘SMILER’ NORRIS had a mile-wide beam on Saturday after taking 6th place at the Surrey League handicap in Chertsey. Many readers will recall how the Teddington titan’s winter training went off course following a spill on Ranmore, so he’s “dead chuffed” to have his race fitness back. David adds: “I was working towards a September peak following my late start to the season and it’s rewarding to have achieved the goals I set myself while lying in hozzy.” Good work, fella! The happy chap, along with ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY and the rest of the 3rds, caught the 4th cat group then managed to stay away from the 1sts and 2nds for the remaining 17 laps of the MoD circuit. Amazingly, the Dynamo sprint train that helped propel David over the line ahead of the elites was manned by plucky 4th cats SAM WOODHOUSE, WILL HAYTER and CHARLES ‘POTS’ PEACH. Even more impressively, Rob finished 3rd – and membership co-ordinator RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT emerged from his growing pile of Dynamo application forms to make sure we pass on his congratulations to the ponytailed sensation. Consider it done, pal!

TIC AND TIRED
After a performance like that, it would have been greedy to dazzle the peloton with another Dyna-mighty show of force in the main race, so GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS, STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES, GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL and Rusty wisely settled for a mid-table ranking in the 40-mile team championships after fifth member PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN pulled out due to illness. Guy P got into the breakaway, leaving the other three to suffer in the bunch – and exhausted Stuart reveals: “There were some painful breaks and a few choice words with the lazy so-and-sos who did nothing to help out.” They never listen, buddy! Powdrill, Andrews and Rusty came 6th, 11th and 13th respectively which earned Dynamo 30 points – the total of its three highest placings – taking the chaps to 3rd in the team rankings. Who says maths isn’t fun? Browbeaten by Chairman ‘Mo during the 40-mile ordeal, poor old Stuart now displays a nervous tic whenever he comes across the name of the lads in light blue who won. He better not look at our Dyna-matic results section below! And spare a thought for Cyclefit sensation WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE, who did his best impersonation of a starfish as he lay sprawled on Newport’s rain-swept cobbles on Saturday night thanks to a slip-up at the Nocturne. The least we can do is put him out of his misery by revealing the name of the Dyna-mystery man who helped him out at last week’s Westminster crit. It was, in fact, none other than SEAN ‘HANDY’ HANNEBERRY on the Specialized S-Works. Thanks for getting in touch, chum!

TRIAL REALLY HARD
Finally, after weeks of delay, we are pleased to bring you the full, unexpurgated details of PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN’s impressive successes in the clandestine world of the time trial. Not content with being this season’s fastest rider in the Hounslow Wheelers’ 10-miler in Chertsey, Dynamo’s race secretary ventured to Maresfield on August 21st for his first “25” in 14 years. He came 5th on the East Sussex course with a time of 57:22 – and the quids-in king said of his princely £20 winnings: “It’s almost a third of what I made the previous year in the Surrey League, so there’s gold in them flat dual carriageways!” You heard it here first! With his pockets bulging, Paul returned the following week to post a new personal best of 56:57 and beat that time by 13 seconds just seven days later at another 25-miler in Souldern Village near Oxford. Third-placed Paul missed out on the No.2 spot by one second – and he reveals: “If I’d actually taken the right junctions off a few of the roundabouts I’d have done better.” The Kingston killer is keen to get more Dynamates joining him for a few time trials, as the club is relatively unknown in national tri-bar circles. We can’t have that, Dyanamates!

OVAL AND OUT
The shin pads are off and we’re back in the pavilion for a delicious cream tea. Many thanks for knocking us for six with all your fantastic contributions – and please remember that we are a questionable umpire who would be nothing without you, our deadly fast bowler. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘L.B.W.’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the stumps are taken down, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Cancelled due to Richmond Park being closed for the London Duathlon.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a middle wicket.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride into Surrey, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 10 – SURREY LEAGUE TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS, MoD CHERTSEY, E/1/2/3/4, 40MILES: 1 Simon Saunders (SP Systems/Wightlink) 1:33:00; 2 Gary Kristensen (agiskoviner.com); 3 Russell Page (SP Systems/Wightlink) +0.15; 4 Robert Cranstone ( VC Meudon); 5 Robert Fallon (Fit-For); 6 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO); 7 Darrell Pembroke (agiskoviner.com); 8 Adrian Goatley (agiskoviner.com); 9 Mike Anderson (agiskoviner.com) +1:15; 10 Mark Pettitt (agiskoviner.com); 11 GUY ANDREWS (LONDON DYNAMO); 12 Mickael Metayer (Fit-For); 13 RUSSELL SHORT (LONDON DYNAMO); 14 Pete Connelly (VC Meudon); 15 Ben Riches (Farnborough and Camberley); 16 Stephen Ferris (VC Meudon); 17 Nigel Dickinson (Farnborough and Camberley); 18 Andy Davies (Fit-For); 19 D Coughlin (SP Systems/Wightlink); 20 Neil Linford-Relph (VC Meudon); 21 STUART SPIES (LONDON DYNAMO); 22 Simon Hazeldine (Addiscombe); 23 Nicholas Dawes (Farnborough and Camberley); 24 John Surmer (Fit-For); 25 Sylvain Garde (Addiscombe); 26 David Larcombe (VC Meudon); 27 Adrian Rowf (SP Systems/Wightlink); 28 Simon Clark (Addiscombe) +1 lap.
TEAM CLASSIFICATION: 1 agiskoviner.com (17pts); 2 SP Systems/Wightlink (23pts); 3 LONDON DYNAMO 30pts; 4 VC Meudon (34pts); 5 Fit-For (35pts); 6 Farnborough and Camberley (55pts); 7 Addiscombe (75pts).

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 10 – SURREY LEAGUE HANDICAP, MoD CHERTSEY, E/1/2/3/4/J, 40 MILES: 1 Cyan Collier (Oxford City) 2 ROB JEFFROY (LONDON DYNAMO); 3 Mike Brampton (TM Racing); 4 Daren Williams (Abergavenny); 5 Andrew Norfolk (agiskoviner.com); 6 DAVID NORRIS (LONDON DYNAMO); 7 Dick Crane (Crawley Wheelers); 8 Graeme Robertson (Fit-For); 9 Richard Gilham (unatt); 10 Andrew McKie (South Western); 11 BEN PLOWMAN (LONDON DYNAMO); 12 Benno Schlackter (Hastings and St Leonards); 13 Daron Gardner (Basingstoke); 14 Brad Lamb (Victoria); 15 Martin Speyers (Addiscombe); 16 Paul McDonagh (Kingston Wheelers); 17 James Hopkins (Redhill); 18 Richard Webb (Farnborough and Camberley); 19 Allan Hopkins (Redhill); 20 SAM WOODHOUSE (LONDON DYNAMO); 21 Anthony Flick (Tri London); 22 WILL HAYTER (LONDON DYNAMO); 23 Oly Aldridge (VC Meudon); 24 Brent Skinner (Hounslow and District); 25 CHARLES PEACH (LONDON DYNAMO); 26 Gavin Morton (Charlotteville); 27 Lindsey Ruocco (VC Meudon); 28 Dean Wilson (Kingsnorth International); 29 Rob Enslin (Viner Bikes Agisko); 30 Lewis Atkins (Glendene); 31 Matt Rugman (Kingsnorth International); 32 Christopher Parlett (Tunbridge Wells); 33 Alan Brooks (Crawley); 34 Kevin Blann (Velocity The Exercise Deck); 35 Richard Pearman (Velocity The Exercise Deck); 36 Keith Jarrett (i-team.co.uk); 37 Lee Day (Liphook Cycles); 38 Maria David (Addiscombe); 39 Jayne Wadswory (De Laune).

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 10 – BC WEST THAMES/THAMES VELO CIRCUIT RACE, HILLINGDON CYCLE CIRCUIT, E/1/2/3, 60KM: 1 Martin Smith (Team Milton Keynes/Corley Cycles) 01:21:00; 2 V. Halpern (A W Cycles); 3 D. Davies (agiskoviner.com); 4 C. Denman (Beyond Mountain Bikes); 5 M. Wilmot (Team Quest); 6 M. Northover (Giro); 7 D. Gabalini (Angliasport/Condor); 8 PAUL ATKINSON (LONDON DYNAMO); 9 N. Spurling (Finsbury Park); 10 J. Bray (London Phoenix).

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 11 – SURREY LEAGUE HANDICAP WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS, HENFOLD HILL, 50 MILES: 1 Paul Pickup (Liphook Cycles) 2:14:00; 2 Robert Fallon (Fit-For) +2:38; 3 Nigel Carpenter (Pacific Racing) +2:40; 4 Matt Rugman (Kingsnorth International); +2:52; 5 Lewis Atkins (Glendene) +5:02; 6 Lee Day (Liphook Cycles); 7 Stephen Cave (34th Nomads); 8 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO); 9 Neil Linford-Relph (VC Meudon); 10 Mickael Metayer (Fit-For); 11 Jason Edwards (Tunbridge Wells); 12 Niall Brice (Pacific Racing); 13 Tom Copeland (Fit-For); 14 Richard Collins (Twickenham); 15 Marek Siwicki (Addiscombe); 16 Mark Bremner (VC Meudon); 17= James McManus (Gemini); 17= David Kennett (Fit-For); 17= Kevin Davey (Pacific Racing); 20 CHRIS SHAW (LONDON DYNAMO); 21 Andy Parle (Lewes Wanderers); 22 Toni Bond (TM Racing); 23 Graham Wood (Crawley); 24 WILL HAYTER (LONDON DYNAMO); 25 Simon Francis (Fit-For) + 8:06; 26 Dick Crane (Crawley Wheelers) +1 lap; 27 Jeremy Uphill (Pearson Cycles); 28 Shannon Durrant (Pearson Cycles); 29 James Hopkins (Redhill); 30 Richard Webb (Farnborough and Camberley).

THE LAST WORD
“Early in his cycling career, Paolo Bettini picked up the nickname El Grillo, ‘The Cricket’, because he could not stay in a group and instead jumped ahead to attack the course.”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #73, 23.09.05

TREE-MENDOUS EFFORT
As a proud South African, Mrs Dynamite was tickled pink last week when one of her countrymen secured England’s Ashes victory – but the first lady of the newsletter bunker got an even bigger surprise when another native of the rainbow nation got on his mountain bike and put in an arduous performance to rival Kevin Pietersen’s 158-run marathon. Ag, ja boed, as they say in RSA! Johannesburg giant STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES was smacking into trees during a night-time race that lasted a Dyna-massive 12 hours and the lad from impala land was feeling a little boerwors for wear afterwards. So come with us as we springbok into action and reveal how he proved himself to be the boss of the bosveld. Here comes the first jacaranda hidden in the darkness…

BUPA TROOPER
Hardy healthcare worker STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES managed to turn up at the office slightly worse for wear on Monday – and he indicated that the fatigue-inducing Marin Dusk Til Dawn ride may have taken its toll when he called his boss at Bupa “sir”. Stuart reveals: “She took it quite well.” Thank goodness for that! The jaunty Johannesburgian and Shawn Blakey, his partner on the epic Transalp Challenge, ventured to Thetford on the Norfolk-Suffolk border to see how many laps of the 10-mile off-road course they could clock up in a mere 12 hours – and the two-up teamsters were delighted to come 5th out of 55 in the pairs category by sunrise on Sunday. Excellent stuff! The MTB-mad lads raced around the dark, freezing cold circuit 17 times and Stuart, who didn’t use any lights, thought he spotted a “ghost mouse” in his sleep-induced delirium. Get him to bed immediately, nurse! Meanwhile, Cyclefit sensation WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE had a slightly easier time on Sunday at a town that’s almost his namesake. The Warwick Town Centre E/1/2 crit saw the bespectacled boy wonder stay away with Stephen Cummings of Landboukredit-Colnaga to take 2nd place. He’s flying since he had his ponytail surgically removed!

KEN WATCH!
He’s back! After weeks of failing to appear on the Dynamo radar, Dyna-mystery man KEN BUIST reappeared on Saturday afternoon – and it was none other than Mrs Dynamite who spotted the slippery Kiwi. Good work, luv! We were driving through Fulham when the first lady of the newsletter pointed out a cyclist in a Dynamo jersey on North End Road – and DYNAMITE! almost crashed our J-reg Corolla into Waitrose’s front window when we realised it was none other the south-east cycling scene’s Greta Garbo. Sadly, Ken had already exited the roundabout and disappeared up the Broadway by the time we excitedly yelled out his name. We’ll wind down the window quicker next time, pal!

GAME OVER
The sun has set over the game reserve and all that’s left to do is thank you for all your contributions before we’re trampled to death by a clumsy elephant. We’ll be back in just seven days to wander among the Dynamo pride – until then, please remember that we are a shy rhino and we would be nothing without you, our herd of stampeding buffalo. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘BEAST’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as a leopard feasts on a warthog, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a zebra.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride into Surrey, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 17 – BC WEST THAMES/POLYTECHNIC CC CIRCUIT RACE, HILLINGDON CYCLE CIRCUIT, E/1/2/3, 60KM: 1 Colin Roshier (Team Quest); 1:22:15; 2 J Ormiston (Team Quest) +0:09; 3 M Jervis (Python RT) +0.23; 4 S Heade (SBR) +0.50 5 M Wilmot (Team Quest); 6 D Gabellini (Angliasport); 7 V Halpern (AW Cycles); 8 L Atkins (Glendene); 9 T Klassen (Kingston Wheelers); 10 M Kelly (City of Edinburgh); 11 J Leach (Didcot Phoenix); 12 R Rowlett (Misson Racing); 13 C Denman (Beyond Mountain Bikes); 14 N Spurling (Finsbury Park); 15 Dave Gayler (Kenton); 16 G Stewart (Team Quest); 17 N Bruce (Pacific Racing); 18 G Wyatt (Velo City); 19 M Docker (PCA Ciclos Uno); 20 R Marais (Glendene); 21 M Hulbert (VC Meudon); 22 A Granger (Willesden); 23 P Mace (High Wycombe); 24 P Smith (Team Milton Keynes); 25 G Wyatt (Velo City); 26 W Butterworth (Twickenham CC) 27 DAVID STREULE (LONDON DYNAMO); 28 S Alexander (Python); 29 I Lowe (Thames Velo); 30 S Kirkham (unatt); 31 R Enslin (Viner Bikes/Agisko); 32 K Williams (AW Cycles); 33 J Leitch (Festival); 34 D Wright (London Fire Brigade); 35 S Wharton (Team Sport and Publicity); 36 Unidentified 37 M Osborn (Team Quest); 38 R Painter (Norwood Paragon).

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 17 – BC WEST THAMES/POLYTECHNIC CC CIRCUIT RACE, HILLINGDON CYCLE CIRCUIT, 4/W/J, 40KM: 1 Paul Delhunty (Siesel Racing) 1.08.41; 2 B Lowe (Twickenham); 3 J Lowes (Twickenham); 4 J Kirkaldy (Godalming); 5 E Allen (Twickenham); 6 B Skinner (Hounslow and District Wheelers); 7 M Misson (Crabwood); 8 B Taylor (unatt); 9 J Ponting (VC Godalming); 10 M Farmer (High Wycombe); 11 SAM WOODHOUSE (LONDON DYNAMO) +1:05; 12 A Broadbent (Thames Velo); 13 A Lack (Kingston Wheelers); 14 T Brass (Thames Velo); 15 P Cornwall (unatt); 16 I Taylor (Twickenham); 17 G White (PCA); 18 G Varsanyi (Bath); 19 S Clarke (Addiscombe); 20 J Morgan-Smith (Addiscombe); 21 M O’Reilly (Ful-On-Tri).

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 17 – SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 18 – MARIN DUSK ‘TIL DAWN, THETFORD FOREST, 12 HOURS, PAIRS MEN: 1 Jeremy Olsen and Simon Turner (Freeborn/Ellsworth Torq) 18 laps in 12:32:49; 2 Jack Peterson and Lloyd Bettles (Numplumz.com) 18 laps in 12:35:53; 3 Philip Peacock and James Carpenter (We Eat Cakes) 17 laps in 12:09:12; 4 Phil Bowley and Owen Pattinson (Owen Cycles) 17 laps in 12:13:28; 5 Shawn Blakey and STUART SPIES (Mad Engine/Ride Beyond) 17 laps in 12:25:34; 6 Marcus Brueton and Chris Moores (Norwood Paragon A) 17 laps in 12:27:30; 7 Andrew Edwards and Mark Neil (Epicrides.co.uk) 17 laps in 12:31:32; 8 Marcos Schier and Anthony Windle (Team Torq Bar) 17 laps in 12:40:09; 9 Phil Miles and Duncan Askew (Apple Strudel) 16 laps in 12:01:56; 10 Ken Taylor, David Lumley and Phil Reynolds (Beamish Oddsox) 16 laps in 12:05:49; 55 S Murgatroyd and J Wilson (That’s The Badger’s) 5 laps in 05:37:45.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 18 – THE TRAVELWISE WARWICK TOWN CENTRE RACES, E/1/2. 50KM: 1 Stephen Cummings (Landbouwkredit-Colnago); 2 WARRICK SPENCE (LONDON DYNAMO); 3 Dean Downing (Recycling.co.uk); 4 James Taylor (www.sportscoaching.com); 5 Ross Muir (Agisko Viner Bikes); 6 Adrian Timmis (Pinarello); 7 Mark Kelly (City of Edinburgh); 8 Ian Holt (Agisko Viner Bikes); 9 Dave Collins (Scott UK); 10 Ben Swift (JE James); 11 Jamie Newell (Evans Cycles); 12 Tom Southam (Barloworld) 13 George Richardson (Ritchey CycleOps); 14 Rob Hayles (Recycling.co.uk); 15 Nic Tilling (Angliasport); 16 Adam Blythe (Pinarello); 17 Matthew Higgins (Giro); 18 Daniel Booth (unatt); 19 Will Bjergfelt (Saracen); 20 21 Tom Smith (Viner Bikes Agisko); 22 Geoff Beetham (ShokWave); 23 Chris Newton (Recycling.co.uk); 24 Paul Manning (Recycling.co.uk).

THE LAST WORD
“The whole of Cape Town comes to a standstill. Friends, family, colleagues and even complete strangers line the 109km route to show their support for the 35,000 cyclists who pass them by.”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #74, 30.10.05

CHA-CHA-CHANGES
Anyone with just a passing interest in the capital’s hardest-working cycle squad will already know that Dynamo doesn’t power down until the very last race of the season, so it is with a slight sense of shame that DYNAMITE! admits it will be changing the usual format next week while we duck out of the action for one issue. That’s right, miffed Dynamates – the 75th edition of your favourite Dyna-matic update will be greatly reduced because we’re jetting off to Italy on Tuesday for a well-earned break. It’s going to be a boot-iful holiday! The highlights of the Florentine jaunt will include seeing Michelangelo’s David in the Galleria della Accademia and gazing in awe at the elegant dome of the Santa Maria del Fiore – but our most eagerly-anticipated cultural experience will be watching Mario Cipollini’s ongoing transformation from Lion King to dancing queen on the Italian version of Strictly Come Dancing. Now that’s the kind of thing that makes you really appreciate having a TV in your hotel room! It’s clear from this link – http://www.raidue.rai.it/Static/immagine/148/ballando1709_cipollini.jpg – that the fun-loving former World champion is in a twirl of his own since he made the change from the chain-gang to the cha-cha, although fellow contestant Diego Maradona seems to be taking things lying down: http://www.community.rai.it/cop_index.php?f=103. It makes a change from lying to the ref about a handball, you porky little twerp! To celebrate cheeky Cipo swapping his zebra stripes for satin pants, we’ll be attempting to type out details of two ‘Mos getting placed at Cutmill plus another sighting of our favourite Dyna-mystery man while Mrs Dynamite does a raunchy rumba with us in our famous soundproof bunker. It’s going to be a salsa-tional night, so come with us as we don a ruffled shirt and bolero jacket for a waltz-and-all expose of the Dynamo week. Here come the usual cheap frills…

FINAL CUT
Whoops! The ever-methodical ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY proved even the most level-headed rider can have a Dyna-moment of madness when he launched an all-out attack for the line at Cutmill on Sunday. The pony-tailed tactician thought he was destined for the No.1 spot in the 3rd cat race as he shot up the climb – then he heard the bell indicating there was still one lap to go in the 50-mile war of attrition. Bad luck, pal! Rob described the misjudgement as “the most stupid thing I have ever done in a race” but he still managed to take 8th after the group absorbed two riders who had gone with eventual winner Lewis Atkins in a late three-man break. Not to be outdone by Rob’s misfortune, powerful ANDREW STRONGE was ruled out of contention when his chain flipped out. It happens to the best of us, buddy!

KNEES FRAME
Merckx-riding racer CHRIS ‘CALAMITY’ CAMPBELL came two places behind Rob – but his week of basking in the glory of nabbing a top 10 spot was cut short when footage of his inadequacies emerged on the Cyclefit website the very next day. The laboratory-style film, shot by fitting gurus PHIL ‘NO NONSENSE’ CAVELL and JULIAN ‘WONDER’ WALL at their WC2 HQ, focuses on the West Ken warrior’s left knee to show how his pedalling motion is completely out of whack. The camera never lies, Dynamates! Check out http://www.cyclefit.co.uk/motion_analysis.htm to see for yourself and find out more about Dynamic Motion Analysis. No self-respecting competitive cyclist will want to be without it in the off-season!

SAY HELLO, WAVE DUBAI
Popular Parkrider DAVID COURTNEY-HATCHER dropped DYNAMITE! a line to say he’s “sheikh-ing all over” after relocating to Dubai. He’s going to find it tricky making it to the roundabout near Ham gate on Saturday mornings! David reveals he’ll be in the famous blue, black and orange livery when he begins training with the Dubai Roadsters, but in the meantime he’s “waiting for the temperature to drop below 40 degrees”. It’s a hard life! Meanwhile, South Africa-bound Dynamate JOHN O’CONNELL is preparing to become another ex-pat ‘Mo – and he was amazed to find this article suggesting he can now get away with taking EPO, thanks to a kidney imbalance which causes a small leakage of protein in his urine: http://sport.guardian.co.uk/athletics/story/0,10082,1573843, 00.html. Some guys have all the luck!

KEN WATCH!
He’s back again! For the second week in a row, elusive Kiwi KEN BUIST has been spotted out on his bike, fuelling rumours that he’s building up to a hectic winter training schedule. Weybridge wonder MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON reports: “I saw Ken at 5.30pm on Wednesday last week, riding along the Lower Richmond Road, on the drops.” Well spotted, sir!

JOHN IBBOTSON
Fit-For coach and former professional cyclist John Ibbotson died at his home on Tuesday. He was 27. John, who was a familiar face to many who go riding in the Surrey Hills, had been cycling in France with Dynamo club president Guy Andrews and Guy Powdrill just last week, which makes the news of his death particularly shocking. Guy A has written a short tribute, which you can read here: http://www.roadcyclinguk.com/news/article/mps/UAN/853/v/1/sp/.

IT’S ALL TANGO-VER
The panel of snooty judges have delivered their disappointed verdicts, but before we leave the dance floor and head for the dressing room to scrub off our fake Tango tans, there’s just time for us to thank everyone for their contributions this week. Please remember that we are a glamorous Natasha Kaplinsky, but we would be nothing without you, our warm-hearted Bruce Forsythe. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘CUMMERBUND’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline is the afternoon of October 12th – a week on Wednesday – for the edition out on Friday 14th. And now, as the band strikes up for the next pair of contestants, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and sequins.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride into Surrey, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 25 – SURREY LEAGUE/VC MEUDON, CUTMILL, 3/J/W, 50 MILES: 1 Lewis Atkins (Glendene); 2 Rob Gough (Chippenham and District); 3 Mark Poole (Kingston Wheelers); 4 Mark Haylett (Specialized UK); 5 P Delahunty (unatt); 6 S Martin (Kingston Wheelers); 7 Daron Gardner (Basingstoke); 8 ROB JEFFROY (LONDON DYNAMO); 9 Tom Copeland (Fit-For); 10 CHRIS CAMPBELL (LONDON DYNAMO); 11 Chester Hill (TM Racing); 12 Niall Brice (Pacific Racing); 13 Trevor Keenan (Festival); 14 M Robinson (John’s Bikes); 15 Andrew McKie (South Western); 16 Alan Clarke (South Western); 17 A Wills (VC Deal); 18 Keith Boniface (34th Nomads); 19 Bryan Long (unatt); 20 Richard Webb (Farnborough and Camberley); 21 ANDREW STRONGE (LONDON DYNAMO); 22 Allan Hopkins (Redhill); 23 Paul Gosling (Brighton Excelsior); 24 I Lowe (Thames Velo) 25 J Cross (Maidenhead and District).

THE LAST WORD
“Perhaps Strictly Come Dancing winner Jill Halfpenny will cycle to her new job as one of the two female leads in Chicago in London’s West End?”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #75, 07.10.05

ARRIVEDERCHI!
Your favourite Dyna-matic update has jetted off to Florence this week. In the meantime, please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘PENNE’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline is Wednesday afternoon for the edition out next Friday. And now, as we sip yet another espresso, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and one Cornetto.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride into Surrey, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #76, 14.10.05

SNAP DECISION
It’s very rare for the country’s finest Dyna-matic news update to venture beyond the Surrey hills – and after the indignity heaped upon us at Florence airport on Monday evening, this publication is seriously considering taking a holiday in Dorking next year. Mrs Dynamite looked set to board our return flight alone when Italian officials steadfastly refused to believe the portly chap in the passport photo was the same slender figure standing on the other side of the glass. That’s what cycling does to you, amico! Our attempt to diffuse the tension with a chortle was met with stern faces and suspicious questions (“Why are you laughing? Why doesn’t this look anything like you?”) which seemed to indicate this issue would eventually be written inside a Tuscan police cell. It was only when DYNAMITE! literally raised its eyebrows to mimic the facial expression in the snap that we were able to join the first lady of the newsletter, who was laughing her head off on the other side of black line. The last time she giggled that much was when she saw the famous photo of PHIL ‘NO NONSENSE’ CAVELL shrivelled up at the top of a mountain! Having been saved by a whisker, or rather a pair of eyebrows, it’s now the turn of this humble ‘Mo-related missive to provide you with a passport to all the news from the club’s trip to Newport velodrome – but first, let’s jet back to Italy for an exclusive look at how Mario Cipollini is coping with the switch from Lion King to Lord of the Dance. Here comes the hot stepper…

LEADER OF THE GANG
As we revealed in issue #74, the most eagerly-anticipated part of our Florentine jaunt was the chance to witness Cipollini strutting his stuff from the privacy of our three-star hotel room – and the recently-retired sprinter didn’t disappoint during his appearance on Ballando Con Le Stelle 2, the Italian version of Strictly Come Dancing. Dressed in a black satin shirt, black pinstripe waistcoat, black trilby and red tie, Cipo looked like a proper pantomime gangster as he tangoed with sultry brunette Marina Aleksejeva. One of the judges, who could have been Italy’s answer to Jerry Hall, described their smouldering routine as “multo, multo sexy” and there was a moment of drama when a technical glitch with the scoreboard wiped 10 points off their total. What an insult! For a split second, the passionate former World champ looked ready to chuck his metaphorical water bottle at the nearest camera – but a speedy correction revealed they had scored of 48 out of 50, which was more than enough to beat the other seven couples. Way to go, Mario! With handball cheat and viewers’ favourite Diego Maradona quitting the series-long competition due to “grandissimo stress”, it now looks possible that Cipo is on target for his biggest win since Zolder in 2002 – and you can take a look at some sensational exclusive screenshots of last Friday’s show once this edition of the newsletter appears on the Dynamo site. Those dazzling white choppers have to be seen to be believed!

WHAT A SHOWER
Readers who click on the newsletter link at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk will also get to see race secretary PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN having a scrub during last weekend’s successful club outing in Newport – but thankfully his modesty is protected by a shower curtain. That’s a relief! Paul hopes the shot – taken by RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT, who placed 10th in last week’s London Cyclo-Cross League race – will enable newcomers to recognise him before they ask the Dynamo race secretary how long he has been a ‘Mo. The answer is: since day one! Paul, Rusty and social events co-ordinator NICK ‘BOMBSHELL’ PEACOCK took a dozen Dynamates on a rain-soaked 90-mile ride in the valleys which was followed by a busy night in the pub to prepare for their session at the velodrome the next day. How those boozers managed to stay upright on their fixeds is a mystery! The coach for the session reckoned the group was one of the best he has taken – and track debutant SAM WOODHOUSE had a baptism of fire during his introduction to the world of two-up time trialling the previous week. The intrepid 4th cat managed to do the occasional spell at the front when he partnered Paul at the Epsom CC 25 and the duo finished in 1hr 2mins – a respectable time for a TT novice. Sam reveals: “It’s the closest experience I’ll get to being paced behind a derny.” There’s no stopping the Kingston killer once his engine gets going!

LEW GRIT
And talking of massive motors, twin-piston powerhouse GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL revved up his ego after out-sprinting Heathrow-based wonderkid Lewis Atkins at the E/1/2/3 race in Ewhurst on Sunday. The 14th-placed Dynamate cooed: “Ooooh, it was good!” Guy had been in a short-lived four-man group with Bryan Taylor – but TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT got a luckier break the previous week when he stayed away with eight others to clinch 6th at the JP Sussex Border E/1/2/3 event. Excellent work! Meanwhile, in Walliswood, pony-tailed hero ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY jumped a little too early and ended up 4th in the category 3 race, taking him tantalisingly close to a 2nd cat licence. Rob reveals: “I’ll be carrying on in the Ottershaw series in pursuit of that elusive last point.” Good luck, buddy!

STAMPED OUT
The rubber stamp has come down, your papers are all in order and you are now free to board the plane. There’s just time to thank everyone for their contributions – but please remember we are a Mohammed Al Fayed and we would be nothing without you, our elusive British passport. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘VISA’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we pass through the boarding gate, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and duty free fags.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride into Surrey, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 2 – LONDON CYCLO-CROSS LEAGUE, 3RD ROUND, LANCING, SENIORS/JUNIORS/VETS/WOMEN: 1 Steven Price (agiskoviner.com) 51:12; 2 Mark Russell (Team Torqbar) 51:43; 3 Steve Hambling (VC Deal) 52:26; 4 Damian Coleman (VC Deal) 52:40; 5 Sean Williams (Vectis Offshore) 53:15; 6 Ben Lockwood (GS Invicta) 53:53; 7 Graham Rogerson (Army CU) 54:10; 8 Allister Tulett (Edwardes Elite) 54:29; 9 Craig Stevens (RCA Ciclos Uno) 56:22; 10 RUSSELL SHORT (LONDON DYNAMO) 51:19; 11 Gary Bryant (Old Portlians) 51:42; 12 Carl McDonagh (Brixton Cycles) 51:56; 13 Jon Sharpe (USE/Boreas) 52:29; 14 Kurt Warner (Team Darenth) 52:44; 15 George Higgs (Brighton Excelsior) 52:52; 16 Fraser Malloch (unatt) 52:59; 17 Chris Hughes (VC Deal) 53:41; 18 Paul Warner (Team Darenth) 53:44; 19 Adam Broyad (Cumbon Bikes) 53:51; 20 Andy Seltzer (East Grinstead) 53:55; 54 Steve Mills (PCA Ciclos Uno) 35:28.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 2 – JP SUSSEX BORDER RR, ROWLANDS CASTLE PARISH HALL, HANTS, E/1/2/3, 120KM: 1 Garry Dodd (Sigma Sport); 2 Rob Hurd (Bioagrico); 3 Martin Smith (Milton Keynes); 4 Ben Luckwell (Maestro); 5 Dave Coulson (JE James); 6 TOM HEMMANT (LONDON DYNAMO); 7 Matt Melville (Evans Cycles); 8 Simon Brooks (VC St Raphael); 9 Dave Sinclair (i-team.co.uk); 10 Simon Lawn (Sigma Sport); 11 Gareth Hewitt (JE James); 12 Keith Jarett (i-team.co.uk); 13 Mark Sussex (Tunbridge Wells); 14 Mark Scoular (unatt); 15 Will Bundy (VC Deal); 16 Jon Wager (iBike); 17 Ray Robinson (Velocity); 18 John Glaysher (www.agisoviner.com); 19 Toby Neave (Liphook Cycles); 20 Giles Bowell (Twickenham).

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 9 – SURREY LEAGUE/OCKLEY VH, WALLISWOOD, 3/J/W, 52 MILES: 1 Andy Davies (Fit-For) 2:01:55; 2 Dave Gayler (Kenton); 3 Paul Delahunty (unatt); 4 ROB JEFFROY (LONDON DYNAMO); 5 Andrew Norfolk (agiskoviner.com); 6 Andrew Wills (VC Deal); 7 James Graham (Festival); 8 Brian Randall (Sutton); 9= Andrew McKie (South Western); 9= ANDREW STRONGE (LONDON DYNAMO); 9= Niall Brice (Pacific Racing); 12 Allan Hopkins (Redhill); 13 Tom McCall (unatt); 14 Lindsey Ruocco (VC Meudon); 15 Richard Barrowclough (Sport and Publicity); 16 Jon Masters (Redhill); 17 Tom Copeland (Fit-For); 18 Mark Snowden (unatt) @ 1 lap; 19 John Leitch (Festival); 20 Eugene Bardwell (Southdown Velo).

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 9 – SURREY LEAGUE/SIGMA SPORT, EWHURST, E/1/2/3, 61 MILES: 1 Rob Hurd (Bioagrico) 2:22:08; 2 Gary Dodd (Sigma Sport); 3 Dave Coulson (JE James); 4 Chaz Hollosi (Gemini) +0:06; 5 Matthew Melville (Evans Cycles); 6 James Holland-Leader (agiskoviner.com); 7 Gareth Hewitt (JE James); 8 Rob Enslin (Viner Bikes Agisko); 9 Stephen Gowar (Pacific Racing); 10 Nigel Carpenter (Pacific Racing) +0:23; 11 Yves Milliere (Kingston Wheelers); 12 Simon Lawn (Sigma Sport); 13 Nigel Ling (Gemini); 14 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO); 15 Lewis Atkins (Glendene); 16 Martin Smith (Milton Keynes); 17 Adrian Goatley (agiskoviner.com); 18 Mark Sussex (Tunbridge Wells); 19 Bryan Taylor (VC de Londres); 20 Lee Day (Liphook Cycles); 43 Bill Butterworth (Twickenham) +12:00.

THE LAST WORD
“Cipollini rode with a picture of Pamela Anderson on his handlebars.”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #77, 21.10.05

BONKED OUT
During a rare Dyna-matic drinking session some time ago at the Duke of York pub in Theobalds Road, Dynamo’s quiet man TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT commented on how much he enjoyed reading our weekly update on the capital’s busiest cycle squad before wondering when the newsletter team would be left with absolutely nothing to write about. How fanciful the idea seemed in July 2004! With WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE coming 2nd at the frenetic 50-mile Cycle Show crit on Sunday, not to mention RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT securing his best cross result yet with a hard-fought 5th place in East Grinstead, it would be inaccurate to claim this week’s cupboard is completely bare. But these impressive results aside, it’s fair to say the former Solna Avenue resident’s long-standing prediction of information depletion has finally come true. We’ve bonked, buddies! We’re down to the metaphorical 27 sprocket and there are no more carbs in the tank. The legs have gone. The bidons are drained. The bottle cages are empty. The mouthpiece of Dynamo is dried up and foaming. The gloopy gels are now just crumpled wrappers discarded on a Surrey roadside, and after much mastication, the chewy energy bars have been reduced to nothing more than a sickly aftertaste. It’s a bittersweet sensation, Dynamates! But perhaps it’s more accurate to say that in the race for headlines, the starting gun of fact has not been fired this week. Or maybe it could be argued that the pedals of reportage are frantically spinning up Current Affairs hill, but the chain of events is sadly missing. In any case, it’s becoming clear that the shifters of this edition are moving but the information derailleur is stuck fast and in desperate need of a lubricating dollop of gossip. Then again, it could be more accurate to compare this periodical to a hub with the reader being the rim and both parts wheely needing the absent spokes of Dynamo-related data to unite them. What we’re trying to say is that the seatpost of truth is clamped on, but the saddle of communication has fallen off. The ergonomic carbon bars look flash, yet the tape hasn’t been wrapped on. The HRM is strapped to the bike, but the sensor is on the blink. So to keep the heartbeat of Dynamo going strong, please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘ELECTROMAGNETIC’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we reach the end of this long-winded motif, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and some news.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride into Surrey, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 16 – CYCLE 2005 CRITERIUM, EXCEL LONDON, E/1/2/3, 51KM: 1 Karl Freeman (VC Pontievy); 2 WARRICK SPENCE (LONDON DYNAMO); 3 Martin Smith (Team Milton Keynes); 4 James Taylor (sportscoaching.com); 5 Vince Halpern (Twickenham); 6 Ian Holt (Vinerbikes/Agisko Sports Nutrition); 7 Jason Edwards (Ewhurst Control Wildside/TWRC); 8 Simon Cope (Pacific Racing); 9 David Coulson (JE James); 10 Gerry Bowditch (Ritchey/Cycleops); 11 Christian Tune (Vinerbikes/Agisko Sports Nutrition) 12 Adam Norris (Crest/Ilford); 13 SEAN HANNEBERRY (LONDON DYNAMO); 14 David Sinclair (i-team.co.uk); 15 Lee Day (Liphook Cycles); 16 Rudie Marais (Archer); 17 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO); 18 Henry Furniss (Ride Beyond/Bike and Run); 19 Matt Seaton (VC Londres).

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 16 – LONDON CYCLO CROSS LEAGUE, ROUND 5, DEERS LEAP PARK, EAST GRINSTEAD, SENIORS/JUNIORS/VETS/WOMEN: 1 Steve Hambling (VC Deal) 1:00:24; 2 Ben Lockwood (GS Invicta) 1:00:44; 3 Brian Curtis (Corridori) 1:02:04; 4 Craig Steven (PCA/Ciclos Uno) 1:02:40; 5 Steve Dennis (East Grinstead) 1:02:55; 6 RUSSELL SHORT (LONDON DYNAMO) 1:04:44; 7 Phil Watkins (Addiscombe) 1:03:52; 8 Matt Holmes (Arctic/Shorter Rochford) 1:04:44; 9 Jon Sharpe (USE/Alien) 1:04:54; 10 Ben Spurrier (Evans) 1:05:03; 47 Tony M (VCDeal).

THE LAST WORD
“It is common for those that ‘bonk’ to be crying, unable to even lift an arm, and an hour later, after a meal, be leading a pace line at 20 miles per hour.”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #78, 28.10.05

HULA WHOOP
As Dynamo’s unofficial hula girl, there’s nothing this welcoming publication likes more than honouring impressive results with a colourful garland of praise – and we’ve threaded together an extra-large necklace of flowery prose for DOMINIC ‘I WANT IT ALL’ PAUL to celebrate his achievements in Honolulu. The tiki chappie certainly proved to be the big kahuna when he represented Great Britain at Hawaii’s international triathlon, but this week’s edition isn’t content to simply surf along on the wave of his success, so we’ll also be admitting to the club’s underwhelming performance at Ottershaw. There’ll be no grass skirting the issue, Dynamates! Until that moment comes, let’s shake the palm tree of news and see what Hawaii-related facts it brings down. Here comes the first dislodged pineapple…

CORAL GRIEF
It’s been three weeks since he returned – and international jet-setter DOMINIC ‘I WANT IT ALL’ PAUL has finally contacted DYNAMITE! about the prestigious experience of taking part in this year’s Triathlon Age Group World Championships. The high-achieving triathlete, who was one of 280 competitors representing the UK, began his day of pain with an aggressive swim through a mile of big waves, spotting plenty of coral along the way. Dominic reveals: “Lots of swimmers were quite literally fighting for space.” Hope you gave as good as you got, pal! The plucky Trek rider was pleased with a 60-minute bike split on the wind-swept, undulating 25-mile course – but his legs felt heavier in the heat during the 10.5km run which he was “relatively happy” to complete in 37 minutes. The Sunday ride regular notched up an overall time of 2hrs 4mins, taking him to 28th in his age group and 108th overall amid a field of 2,000. That’s a great result – but the ambitious lad wants to do even better! He explains: “I’ve been lulled into a false sense of security competing in just the UK and Europe. The quality of athletes from America and Australia was really impressive.” He won’t be happy until he’s conquered the world!

SHAW-LY NOT!
You’re not going to believe this, Dynamates, but the barmy blue, black and orange army failed to nail a single placing at the opening race of the E/1/2/3 Ottershaw series on Sunday. Let’s hope things pick up during the next two! Unlucky ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY, who needs just one point to get his 2nd cat licence, punctured not long after twin-piston powerhouse GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL was reeled back from an early two-man break. Curses! The fast-paced 102km contest ended in a mass gallop with club president GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS and MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT coming 23rd and 24th respectively, making them the highest-placed ‘Mos among the 65-strong field. Thank goodness, then, for tenacious tiddler RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT, who managed to keep the club’s high standards going by bagging the No.8 spot in the latest round of the London Cyclo Cross league. We can always rely on you, chum!

KEN WATCH!
There’s no stopping him! Slippery Kiwi KEN BUIST has once again surfaced on the DYNAMITE! radar, scotching rumours that he has hung up his Ksyriums for good. We knew it was too good to be true! Eagle-eyed shopper MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT spotted the mysterious ‘Mo in Townmead Road, Fulham, while driving to Sainsbury’s on Saturday with his girlfriend. Ken shot through the traffic calming scheme wearing full Dynamo kit – and Martin predicts: “He’ll be flying by Christmas.” Everyone is looking forward to it, pal!

TRI TO GET OUT MORE
Hard-working techie DAVID ‘WEBMASTER’ SPENCER has recently been as hard to spot as Ken – but the keen triathlete has finally emerged from his computer suite in Dynamo Towers to get back into the swim of things at Putney Leisure Centre pool. Water relief! The SwimForTri sessions he’s been attending on Sunday nights include three lanes of technique drill hell with the promise of improved times next season – and David adds: “It would be nice to see some other Dynamos there.” The price is £40 for eight hour-long sessions and the start times are 7.30 and 8.30pm, alternating each week. There’s no harm giving it a tri!

HAWAII FIVE-GO
The hula girls have stopped swaying to the ukulele’s melody, which means it’s time for us once again to thank everyone for their contributions. Remember that we are a determined Steve McGarrett but we would be nothing without you, our trusty Danny Williams. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘BOOK ‘EM, DANNO’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we leave this sun-kissed isle, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a surfboard.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride into Surrey, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 23 – SURREY LEAGUE, OTTERSHAW, E/1/2/3, 102KM: 1 Dave Coulson (JE James) 2hr 21min; 2 John Veness (Evans); 3 Lewis Atkins (Glendene/Biketrax) @40 secs; 4 Vince Halpern (AW Cycles); 5 Neil Lindford-Relph (VC Meudon); 6 Jason Edwards (Ewhurst Control); 7 Keith Jarrett (i-team.co.uk); 8 Lee Day (Liphook Cycles); 9 Martin Smith (Team Milton Keynes); 10 James Holland-Leader (agiskoviner.com); 11 Chris Tune (agiskoviner.com); 12 Steve Hume (Twickenham); 13 John Wager (i-team.co.uk); 14 Bill Butterworth (Twickenham); 15 Craig Peter (VC Meudon); 16 Dave Griffiths (Twickenham); 17 Bob Fallon (Fit-For.com); 18 Adrian Goatley (agiskoviner.com); 19 Rob Enslin (Viner Agisko); 20 Mike Inder (Thames Velo); 21 Steve Dring (Stilton); 22 Mick McManus (Twickenham); 23 GUY ANDREWS (LONDON DYNAMO); 24 MARTIN GARRETT (LONDON DYNAMO); 25 Mickael Metayer (Fit-For.com); 26 Martin Hulbert (VC Meudon); 27 Andy Norfolk (agiskoviner.com); 28 Nat Spurling (Finsbury Park); 29 Gary Kristensen (agiskoviner.com); 30 Steve Legg (Twickenham); 31 Phil Holloway (Southend Wheelers); 32 Justin Lomas (Norwood Paragon); 33 Gary Fry (Team Quest).

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 23 – LONDON CYCLO CROSS LEAGUE, ROUND 6, PENSHURST, KENT, SENIORS/JUNIORS/VETS/WOMEN: 1 Stuart McGhee (Evans) 0.55.21; 2 Steve Hambling (VC Deal) 0.56.40; 3 Steven Price (agiskoviner.com) 0.57.01; 4 Mick Bell (London Fire Brigade) 0.57.10; 5 Brian Curtis (Corridori) 57.24; 6 Allister Tullett (Edwardes Senior) 0.57.48; 7 Nathan Miller (Anglia Sport) 0.58.29; 8 RUSSELL SHORT (LONDON DYNAMO) 1.00.29; 9 Rob Whenman (Corridori Senior) 1.01.07; 10 Ben Spurrier (Evans) 1.01.30; 59 Chris Jarvis (Team Daranth).

THE LAST WORD
“Here in Hawaii, it’s not uncommon for someone at a party or get-together to break out their ‘uke’ and start jammin’ to the delight of everyone!”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #79, 04.10.05

RUM DEAL
Voyaging across the Dynam-ocean of fact towards the distant shore of news is never plain sailing, and even though it has barely left port, this humble vessel’s passage is about to have the wind taken out of its sails by an invasion of pirates brandishing details of the forthcoming AGM. That’s right, m’hearties – for one week only, rum-quaffing social secretary NICK ‘PARROT’ PEACOCK will shortly be taking over from DYNAMITE! as captain of this ship as he reveals at length what the executive committee has in store for you, Dynamo’s faithful members, at this year’s annual club pow-wow. We’ve got to hand it to him – it’s gonna have you hooked! The blonde buccaneer is jabbing our booty with his cutlass, so it’s probably a good idea to get the second round of Ottershaw out of the way before we reach the end of the plank. Here we go… Seven riders managed to hold off the pack on Sunday, and lanky hero MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT made up for GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS’ doomed early breaks by sprinting for the lucky 13th spot, giving the club its first placing in the three-race E/1/2/3 series. Excellent stuff! Martin singled out DAVID ‘STRINGY’ STREULE for praise, describing him as “an asset” on the tough Staplefields course even though he turned up only 15 minutes before the start. The clocks had just gone back that morning! Talking of delays, the humorous pictures of Mario Cipollini strutting his stuff on the Italian version of Strictly Come Dancing and shots of PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN in the shower have finally surfaced on the Dynamo website, so you can have a chuckle at them by pasting this link into your browser: http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/content_pages/2005_archive/ld_newsletter_76.html. Finally, there’s just time to mention that Cyclefit is offering 10 per cent off Carnac shoes this month plus a free pair of Sidas custom foot beds worth £62 to every Dynamo member. With that plug out of the way, we’ll just sign off by reminding you to keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘PEG LEG’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the Jolly Roger is hoisted on our rigging, it’s time to hand over to Cap’n Peacock. Take it away, pal!

POSTS WITH THE MOST
“Thanks, buddy. Now that Dynamo has become so big – in terms of numbers and results – we think it’s time that you all got to know what the ‘organisation’ of the club is and how you can (well, must) get involved. So here’s the list of posts that are filled and those that require candidates – all for discussion and resolution at the Annual General Meeting on Saturday 19 November, 9am, at the café by Roehampton Gate before the Parkride:

“EL PRESIDENTE – Bellowing taskmaster GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS has filled this post since the club started. He’s going to take a back seat next year so we need a new benevolent dictator. Job requirements? Grey hair or (at least) gravitas, encyclopaedic knowledge of cycling, a new test bike every week and the ability to shout a lot. Don’t be shy – put your name forward for this wholly unpaid sinecure. Be reassured that, like most senior management roles, you don’t really have to do anything.

“TREASURER – This post is currently held by RORY ‘GLORY, GLORY’ PARK. We seem to have some money at the moment, so he must be doing OK.

“MEMBERSHIP SECRETARY – Hardworking RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT has been doing this on his own since we started with about 25 members. Now we have more than 200 the job has got out of hand. So we want TWO membership secretaries to share the job with Rusty. Job requirements? A friendly face, no shouting and enough organisational skills to make sure you don’t lose the membership cheques. We need a Batman for Rusty’s Robin – supply your own cape.

“RACE SECRETARY – Dark knight PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN has been doing this by himself since we started but he wants to take a step back this year. As the job has grown over time, we want TWO race secretaries to deal with British Cycling concerning race licences (about 60 or so this year) and also to sort out the paperwork for the various affiliations that the club has – BC, CTT etc. MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT has agreed to do half the job so we’re looking for a partner for him. Job requirements? You’ve got to be more organised than the slow group on a Saturday park ride but the task shouldn’t be too great. Being tall might be good then you won’t get a sore neck talking to Mart.

“WOMEN’S SECRETARY – Ok, we admit it. We’ve been crap at attracting and keeping women members. Maybe our dashing good looks and limitless charm have scared them away. Not. So we want to get this sorted by getting one of our present female members to take on the task of making the club more open to women. You only have to ride in the park to see that there are women cyclists out there who could join and, in fact, would probably get to be better riders if they did join. Job requirements? Ability to lie with the straightest of faces about how nice we really are and to give us a bollocking when required.

“SOCIAL SECRETARIES – Dynamic duo PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT and NICK ‘BOMBSHELL’ PEACOCK will continue their invaluable (in fact, excellent) work into 2006. More great events in the offing. No prizes for guessing who wrote this, by the way.

“EVENT ORGANISERS – We are a big club. And in 2006, we will quite rightly be expected to pull our weight organising or helping to organise a whole host of events, including the Beginners’ Series, a road race (maybe even a stage race), a Beastway mountain bike race, a Crystal Palace race and so on. We also want to get some organisation for the many of you who don’t race but do take part in the many sportif rides such as the Etape and Gran Fondo. It would be much better if you know who else from the club is doing these rides so you can share transport, accommodation and route ideas. So we want to have ‘section’ event organisers who will have primary responsibility for getting our members out to help at events. The sections we have in mind are: Road Race, Mountain Bike, Time Trial, Cyclo-Cross and Sportif. Nick Peacock has agreed to combine his sterling work on social events with the role of Track event organizer. Job requirements? Persistence most of all. We’re not pretending that these will be, at times, anything other than thankless jobs – getting people to keep their promises to help out will be the usual nightmare – but they are jobs that have to be done. If we as a club don’t pull our weight then we will get thrown out of events. And if members don’t pull their weight helping out then they will get thrown out of the club. So really only the truly power-mad need apply. Frustrated you can’t invade Iran? This job’s for you.

“CHRONICLER – We’ve already got the best, so unless you’ve recently won a Nobel Prize for Literature, don’t bother putting yourself forward as a replacement for the man who sends you weekly updates from Dynamo Towers. And on that note of abundant praise, it only remains for me, Nick Peacock, to remind you about…”

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and an eye patch.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride into Surrey, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team and special guest NICK ‘BOMBSHELL’ PEACOCK.

THE SMALL PRINT
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 30 – SURREY LEAGUE, OTTERSHAW, E/1/2/3, 95KM: 1 John Veness (Evans) 2.21.05; 2 Neil Edwards (unatt); 3 Steve Dring (Stilton); 4 Paul Holdsworth (Hounslow and District Wheelers); 5 Bryan Taylor (VC Londres) +27secs 6 Colin McDermott (Festival) +35secs; 7 Craig Peters (VC Londres) +40secs; 8 Jason Edwards (Ewhurst Control); 9 Lewis Atkins (Glendene/Biketrax); 10 John Wager (i-team.co.uk); 11 James Holland-Leader (agiskoviner.com); 12 Neil Lindford-Relph (VC Muedon); 13 MARTIN GARRETT (LONDON DYNAMO/CYCLEFIT.CO.UK); 14 Stewart Jardin (21st Century Airports); 15 Rob Fallon (Fit-For.com); 16 Gary Kristensen (agiskoviner.com).

THE LAST WORD
“Talk Like a Pirate Day. As the name suggests, this is a day on which everybody would talk like a pirate. Is that a great idea, or what?”