The DYNAMITE! Files

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #80, 11.11.05

CLASS ACT
If cycling is a bleak, unremitting workhouse, then not too long ago London Dynamo was the most insignificant of urchins, toiling away in Richmond Park week in, week out, while dreaming of becoming a hoity-toity gentleman. At the end of 2004, the barmy blue, black and orange-clad army of labourers took a significant step up the ladder of social Dyna-mobility when they walked away with the club of the year trophy at the Surrey League AGM – but nothing could have prepared the humble three-man contingent at this year’s meeting for the club’s welcome into the upper-crust of the south-east cycling world. That’s right, status-conscious reader – thanks to a dominating presence on results sheets throughout the year, London Dynamo has become the outright winner of the Surrey Road Race League 2005. Every one of you is lord of the manor, Dynamates! We’ll be visiting the highest point of Surrey society – the Hand In Hand pub near the summit of Box Hill – to reveal how the other half lived it up at the awards-giving party of the season. But before we do, DYNAMITE! is encouraging all ‘Mos to help ensure London Dynamo stays at the top of the tree in 2006. So without further ado, here’s social events co-secretary NICK ‘BOMBSHELL’ PEACOCK to explain how YOU can get more involved in Britain’s best club by coming along to the London Dynamo AGM next Saturday at 9am in the café by Roehampton Gate. The floor is all yours, buddy!

SETTING THE AGENDA
“Thanks, pal. Because we’re not an old-fashioned, committee-meeting, smoke-filled-rooms type of cycling club, the AGM is your one chance of the year to raise whatever you’d like about London Dynamo and its organisation. Just let us know the ideas you’d like to contribute – preferably in advance to Nick Peacock at npeacock@maitlandchambers.com. Although we won’t really have a formal agenda, there are some points we think should be discussed. So if you’re coming along, and we hope you are, these are the topics you can expect to crop up:

“ORGANISATION. At present, we’re a bit of an oligarchical dictatorship. We have a relatively small Politburo that seeks to run the wide variety of club activities by dictat – we haven’t yet got a five-year plan, but it’s always possible. It’s about time we became more of an anarcho-syndicalist commune, where everyone – or, at least, far more people – have more of a role. Last week we described how we want to reshape the organisation of the club. For it to flourish, we need members to make an effort. So don’t be shy – put yourself forward for one of the posts listed in last week’s edition. Once again, volunteers to Nick at the above e-mail address. All positions need to be filled and this will be pretty much the most important part of the AGM.

“NEWSLETTER. We want to develop DYNAMITE! so it has much more forward-looking information about events, races, meetings, trips and so on that are in the offing. It is also possible we might have a regular slot from Cyclefit that they can fill with their latest news and, hopefully, generous offers to club members. Any ideas about this gratefully received.

“CLUB WEBSITE. We’d like as many members as possible to know each other, which is quite hard when there are more than 200 of you. The website provides the solution. Please sign up to the site and complete your profile in as much detail as possible, including (if you can bear it) a photo of yourself. That way you can avoid turning up at a race or the Etape and, on seeing someone in Dynamo kit, doing the ‘Hi, I’m Nick and I’m in your club’ thing.

“RACES IN 2006. We’ve committed to running the Beginners’ Series again in February – three races, probably all at MoD Chertsey and probably all followed by handicap races for experienced riders. The circuit is dead easy to marshal, so no excuses for not planning now to start your season next year at those races. You can marshal or help out and then do the handicap race. We have also committed to running one of the Gizmondo/Sigma Sport road races next year. This will be our first proper open road race and will take some organising, including finding a sponsor or sponsors to stump up some prize money. Any ideas welcome. Obviously we will also need an extremely cool lead car, so anyone who has an Aston Martin, Ferrari, Porsche – there must be someone in this club of overachieving professionals – should make themselves known at the AGM. And now back to DYNAMITE!”

TOP OF THE BOX
Cheers, Nick! As legions of diet-conscious Dynamates ease themselves into the off-season, they are no doubt looking forward to making up for the Dyna-mountains of grub denied to them during the past 10 months – so you can imagine how famished MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT, RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON and RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT were drooling with delight as they spied the impressive buffet at the Surrey League’s annual general meeting on Tuesday night. “Lavish” just isn’t the word! League bigwig Keith ‘I’ll Get You’ Butler proved his clout by getting Sean Yates, the legendary assistant directeur sportif of Discovery Channel, and former British Cycling performance director Peter Keen to present the awards at the Hand In Hand, Box Hill’s finest watering hole. Being in the presence of two big-hitters was bound to produce a few nerves – and Martin reveals: “There was plenty of tension as we waited to hear the result of our year’s effort in the league. Meudon, last year’s winners, provided the surprise of the night by coming a mere 4th. We hung on as it was announced that Liphook had taken the No.3 spot. Agisko, the team I thought would win it, came 2nd, leaving the only possible outcome – London Dynamo had won the league.” Fantastic stuff! Sadly, there was no trophy as the cup Dynamo received last year was given to Fit-For, which won the award for most improved club. But it was smiles all round as Martin stepped forward to accept a brown envelope containing more than £1,200 in race winnings. Let’s hope sharp-dressed Chairman ‘Mo GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS doesn’t blow it all on a couple of Rapha knee warmers!

PROLETERI-AXED
We’ve broken down all class barriers, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone for their contributions before we go. Please remember that we are a festering underclass and we would be nothing without you, our ABC1s, so please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘BOURGEOIS’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we hand over every potato on our farm to the state, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a Stakhanovite fervour.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride into Surrey, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 6 – SURREY LEAGUE, OTTERSHAW, E/1/2/3, 101KM: 1 Tony Gibb (PCA/Rudy Project); 2.19.10; 2 Bryan Taylor (VC Londres); 3 Lewis Atkins (Glendene/Biketrax); 4 Chas Hollosi (Gemini); 5 John Veness (Evans); 6 Paul Holdsworth (Hounslow and Dist Wheelers); 7 Rob Fallon (Fit-For.com) +30 secs; 8 Dave Larcombe (VC Meudon); 9 Phil Holloway (Southend Wheelers); 10 Bill Butterworth (Twickenham); 11 Craig Peters (VC Londres) +1.45; 12 John Wager (i-team.co.uk); 13 Neil Lindford-Relph (VC Meudon); 14 Andy Davies (Fit-For.com); 15 Stewart Jardine (21st Century Airports); 16 Andy Bett (Twickenham); 17 Peter Wager (SBR); 18 Nat Spurling (Finsbury Park); 19 Steve Dring (Stilton); 20 Dave Griffiths (Twickenham); 21 Keith Jarrett (i-team.co.uk); 22 ROB JEFFROY (LONDON DYNAMO); 23 Scott Merrilees (Twickenham); 24 Jason Edwards (Ewhurst Control); 25 James Holland-Leader (AgiskoViner.com); 26 Simon Bild (Team Sport and Publicity); 27 Martin Hulbert (VC Meudon); 28 DAVID STREULE (LONDON DYNAMO); 29 Mick McManus (Twickenham); 30 Neil Edward (unatt).

THE LAST WORD
“By nature, Belgians are hard-working people… it is this background that gives them a love and respect for such a hard sport as this.”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #81, 18.11.05

GRACE AND FAVOURS
For many years now, some of the retail emporiums that are held in the highest esteem by the nation’s shoppers have been starting their January sales a month earlier – and now it’s the turn of your favourite clothing outlet to push this unstoppable global consumer trend one step further. That’s right, bargain-hunting reader – tomorrow will see a corner of Richmond Park transformed into the Grace Brothers department store as NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK, PAUL ‘RUMBOLD’ CALLINAN, RUSSELL ‘INMAN’ SHORT and the rest of the hard-selling Dyna-management make sure you certainly are being served with a limited stock of dashing Dynamo kit at unbelievable knock-down discounts. Don’t say the club doesn’t do you any favours! Britain’s most stylish cycle garments will be slashed to half of their original price – so warming winter gilets will cost a mere £30 while bib shorts and jerseys are each going for £15. Anyone would be crazy to miss this never-to-be-repeated end-of-racing-season sale! You’re more likely to see Mrs Slocombe’s mythical pussy than get change from the ringing Dynamo cash register, so please remember to bring the right Dyna-money if you want the goods. Tomorrow’s sale is, of course, all part of the club’s eagerly anticipated Annual General Meeting where Rusty will formerly announce that the dates for next year’s training camp in Mallorca are 1st-8th April – and DYNAMITE! is delighted to be doing its bit by including the agenda as our very first “pull-out” section. That handy innovation means this collectors’ edition will be worth at least 50p in ten years’ time! You can print out the running order listed below and bring it along to the AGM, which kicks off at nine in the cafe by Roehampton Gate and is followed by the Parkride. Every member will get to have their say on the future of the club and you’ll get to meet all of the ‘Mos who want to run the show next year – but they’ll only join the greatly-expanded committee if YOU decide they deserve the honour. Your votes count, Dynamates! In the meantime, we’ll be lubricating the wheels of Dynamo decision-making with a reminder of this year’s forthcoming Christmas social. So without further ado, let news of the jollities commence!

HOL-BORN AGAIN
It was a massive hit last Chrimbo – and now social secretary PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT along with his co-conspirator NICK ‘BOMBSHELL’ PEACOCK have once again secured valuable bar space at the Cittie of York pub at 22 High Holborn for London Dynamo’s second annual festive shindig. The last yuletide boozing session was a roaring success, so send Paul a Dyna-mail to pharknett@savills.com if you plan on joining in the fun on Thursday 15th December at 6.15pm. A trip to a curry house later on looks likely, so save some room for a peshwari naan or two!

GIVING IT HIS WALL
In addition to tomorrow’s brilliant clothing sale, the AGM will also give dozens of Dynamates the chance to finally see laconic bike-fitting guru JULIAN ‘WONDER’ WALL in the flesh – and you can congratulate Cyclefit’s compact co-owner on his superb return to cyclo-cross racing on Sunday after a four-year gap. Jules took the No.9 spot in the vets category and admits the 8th round of the London Cyclo-Cross League at Lydden Hill motor circuit was a “very, very uncomfortable experience” – but the Covent Garden masochist adds: “We need some more bods for the team champs in January. Anyone interested?” Mad mud-lovers form an orderly queue in WC2!

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YES! IT’S DYNAMITE’S INAUGURAL PULL-OUT SECTION!
No self-respecting publication is worth its cover price until it makes a superficial attempt to add more value to the overall product by increasing its size – which is one of the reasons why DYNAMITE! is free of charge. So think of this as an experiment to discover if any of our shrewd readership is fooled into confusing quality with quantity as we bring you a supplement consisting solely of the agenda for tomorrow’s AGM. Let’s take a look at those points in full!

AGENDA, LONDON DYNAMO AGM, 19.11.05

1. Quick review of the year

2. Thanks to club officials

3. Re-elect officials
3.1. Race Secretaries
3.2. Events Secretaries
3.3. Cyclosportif Secretary/Triathlon Secretary
3.4. Time Trial Secretary
3.5. Off-Road Secretary
3.6. Kit Secretary
3.7. Ride Leaders
3.8. President
3.9. Website and E-mail Enquiries Manager

4. Newsletter

5. Club website

6. 2006 races

7. Junior support and quick discussion on youth policy

8. Ladies’ membership

9. Training camp

10. Parkride

11. Any other business
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CALIFORNIA PRAISIN’
Finally, we’re able to bring you some long-overdue news from NEIL JONES’s daring double century ride through California’s Death Valley which took place at the end of last month. The intrepid fella started 165ft below sea level and crossed into Nevada five hours later on a windy plain at an altitude of 4,000ft. Incredible stuff! Neil, who managed to avoid the coyotes and rattlesnakes when they came out to play at twilight, finished the ride in 15hrs 2mins, which put him 47th among the 84 finishers. Well done, pal! Praising the Californian experience, Neil says: “Rattling along virtually car-free roads in glorious sunshine through some spectacular scenery was fantastic. The final descent at more than 40mph under an ocean of stars was awesome and it was very uplifting having everybody at the checkpoints really chuffed that someone would consider coming all the way from London to ride their race.” Tell them we’ll return the favour if they ever stuck up Leith Hill!

CASHING UP
The rails of tailor-made news items have been emptied by you, our eager customers, which means there’s just enough time left to thank everyone for their contributions before we shut the doors and count the week’s takings. Always remember that we are a dutiful Mr Harmen but we would be nothing without you, our glamorous Miss Brahms. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘I’M FREE!’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as our non-British readership and younger members scratch their heads over this edition’s references to a 33-year-old BBC sitcom, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: Annual General meeting at the café by Roehampton Gate, followed by the Parkride. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a blue rinse.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride into Surrey, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
SUNDAY, 13TH NOVEMBER – LONDON CYCLO CROSS LEAGUE, ROUND 8, LYDDEN HILL MOTOR RACING CIRCUIT: 1 Mick Bell (London Fire Brigade); 2 Phil Watkins (Addiscombe); 3 Chris Hughes (VC Deal/Hammonds/ACTiV); 4 Richard Wood (VC Deal/Hammonds/ACTiV) 5 Konrad Manning (Finsbury Park); 6 Pat Hayes Orbea (GB); 7 Glenn Hord (unatt); 8 Ian Cleverley (Mosquito Bikes); 9 JULIAN WALL (LONDON DYNAMO); 10 Paul Warner (Team Darenth); 11 Ray Coop (VC Deal/Hammonds); 12 Mark Wade (VC Deal/Hammonds); 13 Martin Apps (VC Deal/Hammonds); 14 Martin Dawkins (VC Deal/Hammonds); 15 C McCann (VC Elan); 16 Garry Ashton-Coulton (agiskoviner.com); 17 David Steele (London Phoenix); 18 Jim Whenman (Team Darenth); 19 Barry Allen (London Phoenix); 20 Trevor Butler (VC Deal/Hammonds/ACTiV); 21 Peter Sykes (VC Deal/Hammonds/ACTiV); 22 Roger Hornsby (GS Avanti); 23 Bob Griffiths (Lee Valley).

THE LAST WORD
“Ground floor, telephones, gents’ ready-made suits, shirts, socks, ties, hats, underwear and shoes, going up – baa ba-bap baa baa!”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #82, 25.11.05

NOM DE PLUMAGE
In order to consistently maintain the highest possible editorial standards, each edition of your favourite weekly Dynamatic news update adheres to a series of meticulous rules – and for almost 18 months, no diktat has been followed more rigidly than section seven, paragraph four of the weighty DYNAMITE! bible, which states that “no Dynamate, with the exception of KEN ‘WHATEVER HE’S CALLED THIS WEEK’ BUIST, shall have their Dyna-moniker removed, changed or altered in any way”. Eagle-eyed readers will, however, have noticed that the “bombshell” nickname attributed to a certain ‘Mo named Nick was replaced two weeks ago by a reference to a moustachioed ex-army shop supervisor from an antiquated BBC sitcom whose main role was to boss his underlings around. And the reason for this dramatic yet somewhat appropriate name change became clear during a crucial moment at Saturday’s annual general meeting when the inaugural appointment of club general secretary was officially passed on to none other than NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK. It’s certainly a feather in his cap! In a minor triumph of wordplay which makes us feel disproportionately proud, the blonde barrister’s new nom de plume signals a fitting transition from outgoing president GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS, who, of course, was also named after a memorable character from British TV’s rich comedy history. This newsletter really doesn’t get any cleverer or more pointless than that! In a move that will confuse many, PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN is now the club’s president although the position has become largely a figurehead role as Nick will be giving most of the orders in the newly-created job of gen sec. We hope that makes sense to you! There are plenty of other members who are going to make a name for themselves during the next 12 months as they each take their place on the much-expanded Dynamo committee, so come with us now as we reveal those newly-created positions in full. Here come the opening job titles…

MISTY MEMORIES
More than 50 intrepid Dynamates braved the freezing fog over Richmond Park to attend the club’s second AGM – and several of them, for one reason or another, were pleased to witness GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS’ historic swansong as President before his imminent move to Leicestershire. It was an occasion not to be mist! The vocal founder member and master of ceremonies installed himself as Honorary President on Saturday while NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK seized Guy’s reins of power in the newly-created position of General Secretary, leaving PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN to take on what is now the largely ceremonial duties of President. But fixed-gear fireball Paul won’t have much time to lounge around Dynamo Towers next year, because the aero-barred wonderboy will also be Time Trial Secretary. The club’s going old school in 2006, Dynamates! Prospective Membership Co-Secretary DAVID ‘SMILER’ NORRIS thought he would have a fight on his hands – but he was handed the golden opportunity to work with RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT when his rivals for the job failed to show. Unwitting STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES wasn’t so lucky – he planned on having a responsibility-free season until Guy suddenly press-ganged the knobbly-tyred fella into becoming Off-Road Secretary in front of the chortling crowd. Bad luck, pal! The brand-new position of Cyclosportif Secretary was nabbed by SAM ‘MARMOTTE’ WOODHOUSE while TOM ‘TUFTY’ DAVIES and MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT each became Events Co-Secretary, which makes them responsible for politely pestering you lot to don a tabard for marshalling duties. And, of course, there was the chance to for everyone to get their hands on the country’s finest lycra in the…

‘LITTLE KIT CHEAPER’ SALE
…as newly-promoted Nick proved he is still very much a man of the people by working the makeshift clothes stall with all the cheeky charm of a true East End trader. You wouldn’t Adam and Eve it if you hadn’t seen him with your own mince pies! Dynamo’s General Secretary flogged hundreds of pounds of dashing Dynamo kit in his end-of-season bonanza – and he’s extended the offer for the dozens of Dynamates who couldn’t make it down to the cafe by Roehampton Gate. Limited numbers of warming winter gilets are available in large and extra-large sizes, priced £15, and the last few medium skinsuits are going for £20 a pop. Send Nick a Dyna-mail to npeacock@maitlandchambers.com telling him what you want and he’ll bring the gear along on a Saturday morning before the Parkride so you can give him the cash. It really is that simple!

DID DUBAI ME WHAT I WANTED?
You can also order and pay for the much-anticipated 2006 kit at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/content_pages/ld_kit.html – which is probably what ex-pat DAVID COURTNEY-‘SHEIKHER’-HATCHER will be doing after DYNAMITE! failed to secure him a long-sleeve jersey and bib shorts as requested in his polite Dyna-mail from Dubai. Sorry, pal! Sadly, there were no large or extra-large ones left by the time this publication dived into the bargain box – but hopefully the former Parkrider will find suitable replacement clothing in time for the Dubai Roadsters’ annual two-up team time trial in January. David says: “If any senior but sprightly ‘Mo fancies a spot of winter sun with the chance to partner me in the two-up thrown in, then please put them in touch – or put them in touch anyway, the buggers.” You heard the man – send a Dyna-mail to david.courtney-hatcher@dentonwildesapte.com. And tell him Surrey has been in the grip of a mini-heatwave!

CAMP FOOLS
Talking of lovely weather, many ‘Mos are already looking forward to the club’s seven-day training camp in Mallorca which begins on April Fools’ Day next year. Stop tittering at the back – it’s not a joke! Everyone should have already received a Dyna-mail with details of the jaunt from trip co-ordinator RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT, and you can also find details on the forum section of the Dynamo website. Deposits are due soon, so fill out your application form today!

BALL OR NOTHING
Finally, we come to ED ‘THE MAN’ McKINLEY’s performance at the Ball Buster, which he was encouraged to submit after stumbling across fellow triathlete DAVID ‘WEBMASTER’ SPENCER at a recent swim training session, thereby realising he isn’t the only Dynamate who subscribes to the multi-sport ethic. There’s a lot of you about, pal! The Ball Buster, for those readers not familiar with the clandestine world of the duathlon, involves five eight-mile loops of Box Hill – one run, two on the bike and another run – each of them ending by going up the zig-zag. That’s gotta hurt! The affable American beat almost a quarter of the entrants just by turning up, principally because there were 100 no-shows, and he crossed the line in 75th place out of 350 participants, which includes 22 who didn’t finish. Ed says: “Hopefully, this confession will encourage other hidden multi-sports competitors to climb out of hiding and into the sunshine of your newsletter.” We’re ready and waiting to hear from them, buddy!

NAME DRAINED
This week’s latest round of nomenclature nonsense has worn us out, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone for all their contributions before we take a lie down. Always remember that we are a notorious name-dropper and we would be nothing without you, our big-name stars. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘SOUBRIQUET’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as this name game draws to a close, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a nametag.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride into Surrey, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE LAST WORD
“To describe early bicycle-like machines, many inventors, critics, and scholars combined various root-words until the Franco-Greco-Latin word ‘vélocipède’ (velox: fast + ped: feet) became the first international name.”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #83, 02.12.05

‘MITE BE SAD
With so many incredible results and brilliant news items flooding into our famous soundproof bunker throughout the 2005 season, it should come as no surprise that this sensitive organ has drunk deeply from the cup of emotion during the past ten months – but just as every bottle of delicious chocolate-flavoured For Goodness Shakes is eventually drained, so too must this dewy-eyed organ take one last emotional gulp before bidding farewell. That’s right, sobbing reader – there are to be no more Dyna-matic updates this year. If that’s not an occasion to turn on the waterworks, then nothing is! Mrs Dynamite will no doubt have mopped up the tears from the editorial floor by the time your favourite Dynamo-centric weekly newsletter returns in late January – and to complement the weepy Dyna-mood, this edition of DYNAMITE! will play host to the ‘Mities, the glittering annual awards ceremony that could produce a few tearful acceptance speeches from the year’s Dyna-movers and shakers. But before turning into the host with the lachry-most, we’d like to remind fixed-gear fans to Dyna-mail NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK at npeacock@maitlandchambers.com if they want to attend the track session at Newport on Sunday, January 22 or even spend the rest of that weekend riding in Wales. The club’s newly-elected Chairman ‘Mo has revealed that almost all of the stock from the end-of-season kit sale has been snapped up, so log on to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/content_pages/ld_kit.html if Nick hasn’t got what you want. The new gear is due to be here before Chrimbo – and talking of which, you should send your RSVPs to PAUL ‘ALL-BLUE’ HARKNETT at pharknett@savills.com if you fancy coming along to the Dynamo festive social on Thursday, 15th December at the Cittie Of York pub near Chancery Lane tube. And, of course, you’ll need to book soon for the Mallorca training camp, which takes place from April 1st to 8th – so call Martin Boone at Eton Travel on 01753 671 737 or send a Dyna-mail to russell.short@londondynamo.co.uk if you haven’t had a booking form in your inbox. But you won’t be able to do any of the above without your Dyna-membership, so log on to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/content_pages/ld_membership.html to sign up for 2006. You better be quick – the Dynamo subscriptions computer took more than £900 in the first day of trading! Now all that’s out of the way, you can whip out the hanky, break out the syrupy orchestral muzak and prepare to become a blubbering wreck as we hand out the ‘Mities, the most questionable gongs in cycling. Let’s get Dyna-maudlin…

THE ‘WARREN SPENCER’ HAPHAZARDLY ENGRAVED TROPHY FOR MISSPELLING OF THE YEAR
High-achieving triathlete DOMINIC ‘I WANT IT ALL’ PAUL got this category off to a cracking start right from the gun when he finished 6th at the first beginners’ series race in February, leading to his appearance on the results sheet as “Paul Dohiuk” – and it was left to the Italians to mangle another Dynamo’s name in an even more bizarre manner. Cyclefit sensation WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE – or “Warren Spencer” as he was referred to on the Surrey League’s trophy for rider of the year 2004 – was rechristened “Warreck Long” on the list of finishers in the Granfondo Pinarello in Treviso. To cut a Long story short, the Italian gentleman who filled in Warrick’s entry before he arrived in Italy was unable to spell the Covent Garden bike fitter’s first name and couldn’t remember his surname, so the quick-thinking chap substituted it with a word that accurately described the length of the one-time ponytailed rider’s hair. Now that’s what we call a brush with stupidity! But such sobriquet silliness is but a slip of the pen compared to the season-long mangling of TOM ‘HEMANT, HEMNAUN, REMNANT’ HEMMANT’s name, which saw “Kemmant” appear as a new permutation at Hillingon in April and one “Tom Hemnant” take the No.5 spot at Crystal Palace in May. It’s thanks to the latter that Tom has clinched this award for the second year running, chiefly because the elite star was watching the telly at his Solna Avenue residence while the 3rd cat race was taking place, and it was actually GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL who came 5th. One Dynamate misspelled and mis-categorised, another misnamed – it doesn’t get any more mystifying than that!

THE BRETT PEREZ AIR MILES VOUCHER FOR JOURNEYMAN OF THE YEAR
Talking of names, it’s only fitting that a peripatetic Aussie with a British first name, a Spanish surname and more clubs under his belt than Captain Caveman hands out this jet-setting gong – but the winner’s achievements will have to be as glamorous as the Agiskoviner fastman. That means GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL’s appearance at the amateur version of the Tour of Flanders, STUART ‘POSTAL’ JEFFREYS’s ordeal at the Vattern-Rundan in Sweden along with the club’s many Etape adventurers, Marmottists and Fondolers are not on the shortlist. Sorry folks – Europe just isn’t exotic enough! International loverboy DOMINIC ‘I WANT IT ALL’ PAUL set the business-class standard for this long-haul category by flying out to Barbados in May for its national triathlon champs and representing Great Britain at October’s Triathlon Age Group World Championships in Honolulu, leaving NEIL ‘JAUNT’ JONES to launch a late bid for nomadic glory by racing among rattlesnakes in California’s Death Valley last month. Both men’s wanderings are awe-inspiring, but they ruled themselves out of the No.1 spot in this category by coming home, which is what our winner DAVID COURTNEY-‘SHAKER’-HATCHER has yet to do after going to sun-kissed Dubai two months ago. Give yourself an ex-pat on the back, pal!

THE POPE JOHN PAUL II COMMEMORATIVE BLESSING FOR SERVICES TO TARMAC-KISSING
There’s no Amen-and-ahing about which accident-hit Dynamates are eligible for this wince-inducing accolade, as 2005 saw more than its fair share of members hitting the decks in motor-related incidents. At the end of August, an impatient halfwit in a black Vauxhall brought down JONATHAN STACEY during the Parkride – and five months earlier, JOE ‘CHEEKY BEGGAR’ STEGERS lost control of his front wheel during a wet ride on MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON’s training camp in Costa Blanca, causing him to hit an oncoming car. Nasty stuff! Amazingly, both riders managed to escape relatively unscathed – as did ‘INCREDIBLE’ IAN JENKINSON, who scoops this prize for instantly installing a rear ventilation system in a German’s Ford during Dynamo’s week-long trip to Mallorca. The no-nonsense northerner smacked into the unwitting tourist’s back window while descending the mighty Puig Major. That’s sure to leave a dent in the driver’s consciousness!

THE LAURENT FIGNON COMB BUT NOT FORGOTTEN MEMORIAL
We move from hair-raising moments to a shocking hair-shortening incident which deeply saddened DYNAMITE! when the news reached us in our famous soundproof bunker. The number of Dynamates with locks flowing across their backs was cruelly snipped by 50 per cent in September when WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE paid a visit to the barbers, leaving ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY as the only member who can make good use of a hair band. This award is dedicated to Warrick’s ponytail, cut from his head, but never to be cut out of Dynamo history. And don’t you dare follow hirsute, Rob!

THE MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT SIX-INCH METAL ROD FOR RETURN TO FORM
Tenacious tiddler RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT deserves an honourable mention in this category for overcoming a knee injury sustained during the Mallorca training camp in March and managing to retain his 2nd cat status by August when he took 8th during stage two of the Surrey League three-day. And if that wasn’t enough, the knobbly-tyred tyke is currently ranked 4th in the London Cyclo-Cross League. Muddy hell, mate! Hospitalised hero DAVID ‘SMILER’ NORRIS cracked his pelvis when he slipped coming down Ranmore last December – but he was sporting his customary big grin at the Chertsey MoD circuit three months ago when his incredible group of 3rd and 4th cats held off the elites for the last 17 laps, allowing him to nab 6th place. But the surgically-inserted tool that helped MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT’s broken femur to heal last year goes to PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN, whose bronchial infection and family commitments almost ruled him out of the entire season before he explored an avenue even more clandestine than road racing – the shadowy world of time trials. In August, the Kingston killer completed the Hounslow Wheelers “10” in 23mins 38secs, giving him the fastest time of the year on the Chertsey course. He also posted two successive personal bests over 25 miles within a period of seven days, the second of which saw him take 3rd at Souldern Village near Oxford with a time of 56mins 44secs. They’ll be no stopping him in ’06!

THE DYNAMITE! RIDER OF THE YEAR
Serotta-riding sensation TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT triggered a whoop of delight among this periodical’s editorial team when he nabbed 1st place at Palace in July, giving him enough points to join the ranks of elites – and Dynamo’s quiet man also took part in the eight-day FBD Insurance Ras stage race around Ireland, where he finished a respectable 48th place amid a high-quality field. Yet it’s GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL who undoubtedly deserves the ‘Mities highest accolade for rocketing from 3rd to 1st cat in just one season by Hoovering up points from all over the Surrey League, taking him to 15th place on its rankings and making him the highest-placed Dynamo on the table. But what prize would be ample reward for such a remarkable feat?

THE ORDER OF CIPOLLINI FOR FASHION BRAVERY
How about a new helmet? As we reported in January, plucky MARTIN ‘BRAVEHEART’ BUDDEN only had to wear a kilt for one day and CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN hasn’t seen his visor since GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS flung it off a mountain in Mallorca nine months ago – yet the twin-piston powerhouse still hasn’t got round to replacing his square-looking crash lid which is made all the more conspicuous by its yellow colouring. That’s some achievement! Former Dynamo president Mr Andrews – who, incidentally, we would like to thank for his sterling work with the club since its inception – teased Guy mercilessly during RoadCyclingUK’s Classic Cols trip to France in September. So to protect the poor fellow, DYNAMITE! hopes this award will mark a halt to the incessant mickey-taking. Give the Guy a break, Dynamates!

GOING, GOING, GONG
We’ve wept until our tear ducts are drier than a Go energy bar, which means there’s just time to congratulate all those who won an award and thank absolutely everyone who contributed to this periodical during the past ten months. We’ll be back at the end of January – and until then, always remember we are a weeping Gwyneth Paltrow and we would be nothing without you, our level-headed Chris Martin. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘SOBBER’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline is the afternoon of Wednesday, January 25 for the edition out the coming Friday. And now, as we take one last, rich, fruity parp into our hanky, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES
…which will carry on while DYNAMITE! is on its extended Christmas break.

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a whimper.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride into Surrey, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE LAST WORD
“The Giro Route has been announced, the climbers rejoice and Petacchi is crying.”

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #84, 27.01.06
——————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail news, views, and gossip to news@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click “newsletter” +++ Have a peek at our pics at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_personal.php?user_id=321 +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 5C max; Sun, sunny, 5C max.
——————————————————————————–

*************************************************************************
Cyclefit training camp in Spain:

http://www.cyclefit.co.uk/train_in_spain.htm

Alp-based training, as recommended by Cyclefit:

http://www.gpm10.com/schedule_tdmb.shtml

http://www.cyclefit.co.uk/gpm10_tour_de_mant_blanc_the_aftermath.htm

Limited offer – book both trips and get VIP access at the Etape.
E-mail info@cyclefit.co.uk for details.
*************************************************************************

BEEN THROUGH THE MILLS
It’s no secret that many resilient Dynamates have been reduced to weeping wrecks by the absence of a reasonably amusing Dynamatic update in their inbox during the past eight weeks – but there are going to be even more tears now this organ has finally returned to the keyboard of its trusty Vic-20. And it’s not just the excruciating puns that will cause eyes to moisten! Prepare to reach for the Andrex, sensitive reader, as DYNAMITE! reveals how an enigmatic Dynamember found love, lost love, and then phoned PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN, who laughingly broadcast the moving story to a pub in south Wales where he had just enjoyed a delicious meal with seven other ‘Mos. Anyone who has driven to a Surrey League race while experiencing the “Mills and Spoon” item on Radio 1’s Sunday breakfast show…

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio1/weekends/spoony/mills_spoon.shtml?djs_rhn_text

…will know just how tightly a tale of this emotional calibre will tug on your heartstrings – so steel yourselves as the syrupy violins fade in. Here comes the first quiver of the lower lip…

HE KEN’T LIVE IF LIVING IS WITHOUT YOU
This week’s story of thwarted romance comes from a man who thought he had finally found someone special, only to discover that his dubious past was to be his undoing. His first love affair had been with his bicycle, but years of dedication to that cruellest of mistresses had taken its toll, leaving the poor guy unmotivated and unwilling to spend another winter slogging away in the freezing cold with only a sticky Go bar for comfort. Rumour was he’d put on a few pounds and, like Richmond Park on a foggy day, his heart had become a frozen wasteland. Then someone special came into his life. We’ll call her Heather, because that’s her name. Heather wasn’t like the others. She was kind, honest, some might say straight-laced, and he was attracted to her all the more for those rare qualities. Soon this lucky man – let’s call him KEN ‘BOWLED OVER’ BUIST – found himself opening up to Heather and exorcising all his demons, which included admitting that maybe Cyclefit’s fondness for upward-pointing stems had its merits. Things were going well, until one day he noticed she wasn’t looking at him the same way. Something had changed, and he wanted to know why. That was when Ken heard the words that would change his life forever. “I can’t see you anymore,” Heather told him, “because I feel I don’t know who you really are. I thought I did until I did a search for your name on Google and found out all sorts of things – things which made me question what kind of man I’d got involved with. And you can’t deny any of it, Ken, because it’s all there in blue and white on the ‘Newsletter’ section of the London Dynamo website. How you spent an evening at one of those horrible nightclubs chatting up a girl. How you swore at a woman while you were out riding because she cut you up in her car. I can’t condone that kind of behaviour, Ken. I’m sorry, but it’s over.” Ken was gutted, and ever since that fateful day, he has prayed that the love of his life would realise he isn’t a foul-mouthed sleazeball. So if you’ve tuned in again, Heather, please get in contact with him. Just one call would make the prospect of a five-hour training ride a little more bearable.

USK IN GLORY
Paul, of course, was in south Wales as part of the club’s eight-strong visiting party when Ken called him on his mobile – but not even news of a fellow Dynamate’s romantic misadventure could dampen the octet’s enjoyment of the much-anticipated Newport Weekend. Glorious sunshine greeted CHRIS ‘CALAMITY’ CAMPBELL, TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT, SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON, CRAIG ‘WADERS’ LEIPER, NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK, RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT, WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE and the Kingston killer as they left Usk’s bucolic Greyhound Inn on Saturday morning for a bracing 75-mile ride, taking in the challenging gradients of Brecon along the way. Some of the steeper climbs were so remote that the panting fellas only had sheep for company! The next day, MARTIN ‘BRAVEHEART’ BUDDEN, SAM ‘SPORTIF’ WOODHOUSE, GAVIN ‘NO LYIN’ RYAN and others joined the eight ‘Mos for a three-hour session in the capable hands of coach Jon Capelin at Newport Velodrome. The group, which included at least two fixed-gear first-timers, acquitted themselves admirably on the daunting banking, and this publication will be petitioning Nick at every available opportunity to repeat the fun-packed excursion in the summer so more eager track virgins can get it up 23 feet. There are bound to be Wales of dismay if he refuses!

PIC AND MIX
In keeping with the editorial team’s ongoing pledge to bring a broad mix of content to its readership, your text-obsessed Dynamatic update has entered the frightening new world of the digital image. That’s right, photo fans – you can now experience the Newport trip, the Christmas social, club hunk MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON looking dishy and GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL dramatically perched on a stool with our new picture service. Simply go to the DYNAMITE! gallery with this link…

http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_personal.php?user_id=321

…hover your cursor over each image to uncover a caption, and click on any of the photos for a full-size version. You can even leave a witty comment if you wish. That’s DYNAMITE! in 2006: dedicated to helping you waste even more time on the interweb!

FLASH GUY
Sadly, we didn’t have the box brownie to hand in December when IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE took the non-stopping policy on the early Sunday ride rather more literally than most by relieving himself while still on the move. Now that’s what we call expert handling! Just as impressive, although nowhere near as shocking, was ED ‘THE MAN’ McKINLEY’s round trip to Brighton, which saw him bust a spoke in rain-sodden Surrey and ride most of the way with a buckled wheel. Keen to get back in time for a business meeting, the affable American powered his way to London, tearing the legs off fellow day-trippers CHRIS ‘CALAMITY’ CAMPBELL and CHRIS ‘HOSPITAL’ WARD as they hit the home straight in Richmond Park. His Ironman in April should give him no problems! Meanwhile, ANDREW ‘LONG TIME’ STRONGE proved he can keep going all year round by taking part in the Hillingdon winter series – but he was brought down at the beginning of December in a bunch sprint which wrecked his bike, consigned his smashed helmet to the dustbin and left him with road rash. Andrew, who managed to escape another crash at the circuit last Saturday, says: “It’s getting too dangerous.” You can say that again, pal!

DID YOU ‘MO…
…that 19.29 per cent of the current membership are 4th cats, which in terms of racing licences makes them the largest group in London Dynamo? That’s just one of the many hitherto-unknown Dynamo facts brought to light by new subscriptions guru DAVID ‘SMILER’ NORRIS – and we’ll be uncovering more nuggets in the weeks to come, in addition to giving those 33 category 4 riders more details about the Dynamo Beginners’ Series which begins on February 18. They’re chomping at the bit to use those shiny new laminated BCF cards!

PASSION’S SPENT
After finally reuniting, our love affair is finished for another week. You never write, you never call, but we ask with tear-brimmed eyes that you Dyna-mail your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘BROKEN-HEARTED’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we stare longingly at a faded Polaroid, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and memories of all the good times.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride into Surrey, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #85, 03.02.06
——————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail news, views, and gossip to news@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click “newsletter” +++ Have a peek at our pics at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_personal.php?user_id=321 +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, cloudy, 4C max; Sun, cloudy, 8C max +++
——————————————————————————–

*************************************************************************
Cyclefit to unveil matt black Glider Boxer in spring after trials. Third bike in the exclusive Glider range to follow in the summer. E-mail info@cyclefit.co.uk for details.
*************************************************************************

BIKE BROTHER
+++ Unknown ‘Mos get 15 minutes of fame +++
Cocooned from the outside world, yet curiously eager to lay bare its day-to-day life before an ever-growing audience, the DYNAMITE! team is very much like the plucky band of telly folk who recently kept us entertained in a certain reality TV house – and reading about Friday’s conclusion of that riveting fly-on-the wall series…

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/latest/tm_objectid=16639140%26method=full%26siteid=94762-name_page.html

…in one of the country’s better tabloid newspapers has taught your favourite opinion-conscious Dynamatic update a valuable lesson. Like the Great British public, which decided a humble and hitherto-unknown promotions girl from Essex was more fascinating than a gaggle of celebrities, literally several Dynamates have become tired of the same old big names constantly hogging the limelight. So in order to follow the Dyna-mood of the people, we’re hoping to reduce the amount of coverage given to Dynamo’s star riders in order to celebrate some of the club’s lesser-known names in a brilliant new feature. Publicity junkie GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL ain’t gonna be pleased! We’ll be bringing you details of how you can be in the running for a special prize by getting involved with our bid to make this a publication for the people – and you can also read about the long-awaited confirmation of the eagerly-anticipated Beginners’ Series. So come with us now into the Diary Room, plonk yourself down in the famous circular seat, and listen to the first task being set. Here comes the disinterested voice-over…

KNOWING ‘MO, KNOWING YOU
+++ Learning about fellow Dynamates just got easier +++
We’ve created a monster! Stunned membership guru DAVID ‘SMILER’ NORRIS has confirmed that the number of paid-up Dynamo subscriptions for 2006 has reached 185, with 14 people alone joining during a period of just four days last week. It’s sometimes easy to feel left out of such a big club – so DYNAMITE! is going to ensure every one of you lot gets to know a few people a bit better. Starting this weekend, we’ll be randomly pulling out the names of some jammy Dynamates from the newsletter’s Bucket Of Luck and Dyna-mailing them a fun-packed questionnaire. Just fill it in, return it to us and we’ll share your words via the Dyna-medium of this very organ so your fellow ‘Mos can learn a little more about you. It really is that simple! As an incentive to set aside five minutes of your valuable time, our friends at Cyclefit have kindly donated a month’s supply of energy and recovery drink Maximuscle which will be given to whoever writes the most interesting answers, as judged by the DYNAMITE! editorial team at the end of the year. Those already well-known to the Dyna-majority, such as TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT and RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT, will sadly be ineligible for our getting-to-know-you quiz. Sorry, buddies!

LET’S BEGIN AGAIN
+++ Novice races back for third year +++
After many weeks of trying, determined race co-ordinator MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT has finally managed to secure confirmation from the people who will be hosting the Beginners’ Series. Hurrah! The club’s 4th cat events have been a huge hit at Hillingdon for the past two seasons and this year they are moving to a bigger venue – the MoD circuit in Chertsey…

http://www.streetmap.co.uk/newmap.srf?x=498061&y=165679&z=0&sv=KT16+0EE&st=2&pc=KT16+0EE&mapp=newmap.srf&searchp=newsearch.srf

…so if you want to help with marshalling, please send us a Dyna-mail to news@londondynamo.co.uk with “Beginners’ Series” in the subject heading. The 4/3W/4W races will take place at 10am on Saturday 25th February and Saturday 4th March, with points awarded down to 10th place. Martin says: “It’s the perfect opportunity to dip your toe in the water if you’ve never raced before.” He’s right, you know! Previous beginners’ races have produced Dynamo big-hitters such as TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT, DAVID ‘STRINGY’ STREULE and ‘MEDICAL’ MIKE DEBNEY, who will hopefully be taking part in the E/1/2/3 handicaps at 11:30am on each day. Go on, fellas – get those early-season race miles in yer legs!

RUSTY NEVER SLEEPS
+++ Short keeps on ‘crossing +++
Tenacious tiddler RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT probably won’t be making an early start to the racing year – because he’ll be too knackered. The mud-loving membership secretary has been showing the Cyclo-cross world a thing or two in the off-season – and on Sunday he came 8th at round 15 of the London Cross League at Eastway on Sunday following a terrific battle with a trio which included Allistair Tulett of Arctic-Shorter Rochford. He doesn’t know when to stop!

DID YOU ‘MO…
…that “David” has become a Goliath after overtaking “Chris” as the commonest members’ name? Membership co-ordinator DAVID ‘SMILER’ NORRIS is one of 11 Davids currently in London Dynamo – and by an amazing co-incidence, this little-known fact has been supplied by none other than the Teddington titan himself. We trust you, buddy!

KEN WATCH!
+++ Buist bounces back +++
Regular readers will remember how Dynamo’s enigmatic Kiwi KEN ‘HEARTBROKEN’ BUIST suffered a bitter setback recently when a lovely girl named Heather gave him the elbow. But now he’s put it all behind him and returned to his first love – the bike. That’s right, Dynamates – the south-east cycling scene’s Greta Garbo got back on his bicycle and tackled Richmond Park the hard way round on Sunday afternoon. Buist-spotter MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT reckons he must have put his romantic troubles behind him as he had a big smile on his face. The man’s an inspiration!

CHANGE OF IMAGE
+++ More photos in gallery +++
Finally, DYNAMITE! would like to thank the dozens of Dynamates who clicked on this link…

http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_personal.php?user_id=321

…for a gander at our brave new expansion into the world of the digital image. We’ve added a couple more pictures which were taken at last week’s chilly Parkride, so head to the gallery and see if you can spot yourself shivering in the background. There’s not enough space to keep all of the uploaded photos on display, so unfortunately MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON’s handsome face has been cruelly deleted. Sorry, ladies!

EVICTION NOTICE
The lines are closed, the votes have been counted and verified, which means it’s almost time for us to evict this winner of an issue from our hard drive to the deafening cheers of our fans out there in Dyna-mail land. Always remember we are a disparaged Jodie Marsh and we would be nothing without you, our much-loved Chantelle Houghton. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘BARRYMORE’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we sit down for an intimate heart-to-heart with Davina in front of six million people it, only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a shopping list. On a blackboard.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride into Surrey, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #86, 10.02.06
——————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail news, views, and gossip to news@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click “newsletter” +++ Have a peek at our pics at
http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_personal.php?user_id=321 +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 6C max, S wind 5mph; Sun, sunny intervals, 8C max, S wind 6mph +++
——————————————————————————–

*************************************************************************
Cyclefit to unveil matt black Glider Boxer in spring after trials.
Third bike in the exclusive Glider range to follow in the summer.
E-mail info@cyclefit.co.uk for details.
*************************************************************************

KENNEL CLUB
+++ Membership is going to the dogs +++
There have been packs of shaggy stories in DYNAMITE! over the years – so we naturally assumed bushy-tailed yapper DAVID ‘SMILER’ NORRIS was being a bit of a wag when he claimed the highest concentration of Dynamates could be found within a stick’s throw of Britain’s most famous dogs’ home. But we were Rover the moon to discover Dynamo’s intrepid fact hound hadn’t made a mastiff error – there are, believe it or not, more ‘Mos living in Battersea than any other part of the world. That’s bound to provoke howls of dismay from Dyna-mutts in the club’s heartland of west London and the fringes of Surrey! David will be back later on with another tasty treat to toss out to you, our barking mad readership, after we turn our attention to the eager pups panting at the prospect of being let off the leash at the third annual Beginners’ Series – so come with us now as we toss you a big, juicy bone. Here comes something to chew over…

QIN YOU HELP?
+++ Join masses of marshalls at Chertsey +++
Many ‘Mos have already volunteered to help out at the Beginners’ Series following last week’s appeal – but there is still time to reserve a florescent yellow tabard with event organiser MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT if you are able to marshal at the MoD/Qinetic circuit in Chertsey…

http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_pic.php?pic_id=176

Dyna-mail news@londondynamo.co.uk and we’ll gladly pass on your offer of assistance. And remember: the likelihood of members being turned away from over-subscribed races later in the season will be greatly reduced if the club does its bit to help out on Saturday 25th February and March 4th. As for racing on the day is concerned, eager 4th cats should be aware that you won’t have to pre-enter – simply turn up on the day, pay the entry fee and enjoy. Just don’t forget your bike!

WARD OFF
+++ Nasty scrape for Chris +++
Weekday warrior ED ‘THE MAN’ McKINLEY was wondering what his absent training buddy CHRIS ‘HOSPITAL’ WARD was getting up to this week – and the answer was living up to his nickname. The International Man Of Leisure ended up in casualty after two front spokes gave way while he was doing 25mph on a ride back from Windsor, causing his Merckx to fling him face-first onto the tarmac…

http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_pic.php?pic_id=177

Ow-wow-ow! Chris needed stitches in his knee – and he reveals: “No broken cheek, fingers crossed. The worst thing is I’ll be off training for two to three weeks.” Ed’s not going to be pleased, pal!

SPURRING THEM ON
+++ Rodeo-loving club captain’s inspiring ideas for training camp +++
Dynamo supremo NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK secretly revealed to this publication that he would be attending a fancy dress party in Paris dressed, we Billy the Kid you not, as a cowboy – but before saddling up for his trip, the sharp shooter drafted some rootin’ tootin’ ideas to make the forthcoming training camp a bit more competitive than last year’s trip to Mallorca. A copy of Nick’s dossier is resting in our famous soundproof bunker, but we’ll wait until the Dynamo committee agrees on the small print at a meeting tomorrow before we reveal anything more – and hopefully the pow-wow will also include a discussion on how the club will be involved with the Tour’s visit to London next year. In the meantime, any Dynamates who have given into the temptation of spending the first week in April riding in the bike-friendly Balearic island should call Martin Boone at Eton Travel on 01753 671 737. You might be in luck!

KEN WATCH!
+++ We finally get our man +++
Who says miracles never happen? This publication has spent many months envying the lucky few who have stumbled across slippery New Zealander KEN BUIST – and on Tuesday morning we finally got to spend some time with the man himself. The elusive fella was taking a spin in Richmond Park and claimed he wasn’t too interested in racing this season – but he quizzed DYNAMITE! on whether RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT and PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN were approaching their peak form. There’s nothing like a bit of friendly competition to tempt you back into the Surrey League!

DID YOU ‘MO…
..that the oldest current club member was born in 1940? Ever the gentleman, data-gathering guru DAVID ‘SMILER’ NORRIS has declined to disclose the identity of Dynamo’s elder statesman – but just knowing that there is a 66-year-old Dynamate around is bound to provoke a sigh of relief from age-conscious Cyclefit boss PHIL ‘NO-NONSENSE’ CAVELL. You’ve a few years to go before you swap your Brompton for a free bus pass, pal!

SHUTTER DISGRACE
+++ Action-packed pics suffer from snapper’s gaffe +++
Once again, a big thank-you to readers who have continued to visit this organ’s all-new online photo album. After weeks of images featuring Dynamates preparing to ride, standing in a pub, or sitting down for some grub, the DYNAMITE! gallery finally has some pics of ‘Mos on the move…

http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_personal.php?user_id=321

…but unfortunately the DYNAMITE! snapper hasn’t quite got the required grasp of focus or shutter speed to do the Parkride any justice. Aren’t Saturday mornings supposed to be blurry, though?

MUTTS BE TIME TO GO
Many thanks for following our lead all the way to the ruff end of the newsletter. We’ll be back for walkies in seven days’ time – so please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘RACING PEDIGREE’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk, or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as you roll over in expectation of a tickle on the tum, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a collar.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride into Surrey, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

———————————————————————————-
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #87, 17.02.06
———————————————————————————-
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail news, views, and gossip to news@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click “newsletter” +++ Have a peek at our pics at
http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_personal.php?user_id=321 +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, cloudy, 7C max, wind NE 3mph; Sun, light rain, 7C max, wind NE 9mph +++
———————————————————————————-

*************************************************************************
Treat yourself like a pro – train in Spain with Cyclefit:

http://www.cyclefit.co.uk/train_in_spain.htm#

*************************************************************************

COPS AND RIDERS
+++ Park’s constable praises club’s “positive” contribution +++
Creating an upstanding squad of boys and girls in blue has made London Dynamo a force to be reckoned with – and now the Force itself reckons the club is making a great impression. That, at least, is the verdict of Richmond Park’s bike-riding PC Kelvin Clarke, who praised the “positive” contribution Dynamates are making to his patch when he paid a friendly visit to the Dynamo committee outside the Roehampton Gate café after the Parkride. Glad we can be of assistance, officer! The friendly bobby has helped the Dyna-main men to open a line of communication with the park’s authorities and the Friends Of Richmond Park which will hopefully lead to a greater awareness of the club’s activities. With the police recently receiving a number of complaints from motorists about cyclists’ behaviour in the park, its becoming increasingly important for members to maintain the club’s high standard of good conduct – so to keep standards up, social secretary PAUL ‘ALL-BLUE’ HARKNETT is putting together a reminder of group riding etiquette. It will be another great new feature on the rapidly-expanding website! In the meantime, we’ve got a rundown of how four rain-lashed ‘Mos got on at the first race of the season and details of a certain lanky member almost getting nicked by another team. So hold out your wrists as Det Sgt DYNAMITE! of the Yard slaps on the handcuffs of fact and throws you into the meat wagon marked “news”. Here come the wailing sirens…

KIT OUT OF HERE!
+++ Fancy jumping ship? No thanks, says Powdrill +++
As the club’s membership numbers soar past the 200 mark for the first time, it’s inevitable that envious teams will try to poach a Dynamate or two – which is almost what happened to Dynamo superstar GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL this week. Two well-known names in the cycling world are secretly putting together a new team of big-hitters – and their representatives were so impressed by the twin-piston powerhouse’s rise from 3rd to 1st cat last year that they tried to lure him to their ‘B’ squad with the promise of swanky kit plus an all-singing, all-dancing website. The observant property broker realised Dynamo already offers both, so he politely turned down the deal following a top-level meeting. “And besides,” Guy adds, “I just couldn’t leave behind all the friends I’ve made in the club.” He’s a big softie, really! Your ever-tactful DYNAMITE! is declining to reveal the identities of non-‘Mos who will be racing for the hush-hush team this season, but you can expect to see a certain Crystal Palace regular listed in their ranks when a press release emerges in the not-too-distant future. That’s all we’re saying!

YOU DIRTY PERFS
+++ Filthy big-hitters get down to mucky business at season opener +++
Dozens of Dynamates who avoided last Sunday’s wet weather must surely have felt a pang of guilt snuggling under their duvets knowing that TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT, SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON, DARREN ‘PACKING ‘EM’ MINSHALL, RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT and WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE were among 60-odd competitors slogging it out at the rain-sodden Perfs Pedal race in Rowland’s Castle, Hampshire. Conditions were so appalling that even Tour de France veteran Sean Yates pulled out after three laps, branding the blustery wet weather “diabolical”…

http://www.seanyates.co.uk

…but Dynamo’s quintet of non-quitters managed to stick it out for the full 70km of the E/1/2 event. That’s the spirit, fellas! Warrick’s early three-man break was pulled back, leaving mechanic Sam and quiet man Tom to drive the chase when a 13-strong lead group emerged containing eventual winner James Williamson along with most of his Agisko team-mates. Frozen, filth-encrusted Warrick finished unlucky 13th while Tom came 17th, Sam 22nd and Darren 30th – a creditable performance in the first fixture of the season, even though Cyclefit’s Spence was heroically underdressed for the occasion. As the Kiwi himself wrote on the forum: “At least I looked pimping – white gloves and oversocks.” And that’s what counts, buddy!

SURVIVAL OF THE PIC-EST
+++ Bastin beats off competition as least-popular snaps leave gallery +++
The success of our dalliance with digital images continues unabated as Dynamates continue to leaf through the DYNAMITE! album – and amazingly, ALEX ‘BUSTED’ BASTIN’s winter headgear has managed to attract more hits than any other picture so far…

http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_personal.php?user_id=321

How could a woolly hat become so popular? We’ve knit got a clue! Perhaps the jealous-looking stare he’s getting from the chap in the yellow shades adds a sense of tension to the scene which many ‘Mos find irresistibly dramatic, or maybe seeing Alex with his back to the camera lends him an air of Buistean mystique. Whatever the reason, you can send a Dyna-mail to news@londondynamo.co.uk with ‘Simply The Bast’ in the subject heading if you are one of the 140-odd viewers of this unusually successful image and you would like to explain it’s extraordinary appeal. At the other end of the visual spectrum, the least popular pictures have been deleted to make way for a couple of new Parkride pics – so you can click on the above link to witness PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN celebrate the end of his final circuit. The show-off only did three laps!

DID YOU ‘MO…
…that the youngest Dynamo member was born in 1987? That’s even younger than some of the glittering bikes in NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK’s ever-changing collection! Membership fact master DAVID ‘SMILER’ NORRIS has wisely declined to reveal the identity of this whippersnapper in case he gets jealous stares from the Dynamo old guard – but you’ll be able to make the acquaintance of plenty more Dynamates during the coming weeks with Knowing ‘Mo, Knowing You. That’s right, readers – Did You ‘Mo is making way for our eagerly-anticipated new feature which will introduce a different Dynamate each week in a bid to make the club even friendlier. If you’re one of chosen few whose name has been plucked from the DYNAMITE! Bucket Of Luck to participate, then remember you have until Wednesday to complete your questionnaire and return it to news@londondynamo.co.uk. It’s the highest honour this organ can bestow!

NO ‘MO ROOM
+++ Training camp now full +++
Finally, Eton Travel’s hard-working Martin Boone has been run ragged this week by loads of Dynamates contacting him to see if they can bag a last-minute place on April’s training camp – but after much frantic phone-calling, the Berkshire-based booker has officially closed reservations for the club’s trip to Mallorca. Sorry, folks! Lucky beggars GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS, ALEX ‘BUSTED’ BASTIN, PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN, CHRIS ‘CALAMITY’ CAMPBELL, CARLOS ‘THE JACKAL’ CONCEICAO, DAVID GARDNER, JONATHAN ‘SNAPS’ GITTOS, PAUL ‘ALL-BLUE’ HARKNETT, STUART ‘POSTAL’ JEFFREYS, ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY, GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY, CRAIG ‘WADERS’ LEIPER, RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON, NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK, GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL, RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT, TONY SMEDLEY, DAVID ‘STRINGY’ STREULE, and SIMON WRIGHT can look forward to a week of brilliant riding – but there are still places available on Cyclefit’s trip for those of you who are still yearning for Puig Major…

http://www.cyclefit.co.uk/train_in_spain.htm#

The Dynamo committee convened at the café by Roehampton Gate after the Parkride and agreed on the details of the training camp’s points competition, which was hinted in the last edition of the newsletter. Discreet DYNAMITE! has been sworn to secrecy about the details, but we can reveal that not everyone will have to slog their guts out in a bid to bag each day’s points, so there is plenty of opportunity to take it steady if you want. The rest will be disclosed at Palma airport!

BAIL OUT
We’ve been held for questioning long enough, which means it’s time to post our application for bail and thank everyone for their contributions. We’ll be in cuffs again next week, so please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘PEELER’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we’re led from the cells, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a flashing blue light.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #88, 24.02.06
——————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail news, views, and gossip to news@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click “newsletter” +++ Have a peek at our pics at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_personal.php?user_id=321 +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 4C max, wind NE 23mph!!! Sun, cloudy, 5C max, wind NE 17mph +++
——————————————————————————–

*************************************************************************
Treat yourself like a pro – train in Spain with Cyclefit:

http://www.cyclefit.co.uk/train_in_spain.htm#

*************************************************************************

YOU’VE GOT THE WRONG GUY!
+++ Andrews, not Powdrill, heads for new team +++
He’s always been a dedicated follower of fashion – and now smart-dressed ‘Mo-about-town GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS has been lured by a squad which promises to supply him with more Merino wool jerseys than he can pack into his leather saddlebag. That’s right, style fans – the dandified Dynamo founder member has gone over to the hush-hush Rapha/Condor team which tried and failed to nab twin-piston powerhouse GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL last week. That’s the Guy they should’ve got – the strict fashionistas would probably have forced him to ditch his questionably-designed yellow helmet once and for all! But for all Andrews’ snazziness, his Raph decision to jump ship was not based solely on snappy togs alone, as he and VCL’s Matt Seaton are just two of the Raphed-up riders who have been selected to target the national vets series this season. And because the bellowing former club president is still a paid-up Dyna-member, he’ll be going on Dynamo’s Mallorca training camp in April as well as continuing to attend a few of the club’s regular rides. Parkriders don’t escape the hairdryer treatment that easily! Later on, we’ll be introducing you to a far less dapper Dynamate in our inaugural Knowing ‘Mo, Knowing You feature and revealing the tempting prize list for London Dynamo’s much-anticipated Beginners’ Series at Chertsey tomorrow – but first let’s don the exclusive Softshell jacket as we head over to Eastway, where, co-incidentally, Andrews’ cool-looking crew made their racing debut. So get ready to slip into the hand-crocheted string-backed mitts with reflective tab (rrp £75, available mid-March, limited stock)…

FAIRY WELL DONE
+++ Eastway sees club’s first victory of the year +++
It’s come back to life again, Dynamates! After many months of silence, the hardy DYNAMITE! ticker tape machine suddenly spluttered out the year’s first ream of results this week – and Mrs Dynamite could hardly contain her excitement as she rushed into the weekly editorial meeting brandishing the paper ribbon containing the name of 1st-placed ‘Mo RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS…

A former “useful junior”, Richard had been away from racing for 12 years before he won the San Fairy Ann 4th cat race at Eastway on Saturday. It dozen get any better than that, pal! And the classy Time rider refused to go for the predictable novice mass sprint, choosing instead to take a flyer on the final lap which enabled him to hold off the pack with seconds to spare. Phew! Ecstatic Richard reveals: “I thought I’d have a good chance, but winning it was still bloody ace – and in cool colours, too! I’m looking forward to meeting loads of the team over the course of the year – I’ll be racing shed loads.” We look forward to seeing you, buddy! Meanwhile, ashen-faced ROB ‘BITCHIN’ KITCHING was pleased to just survive his first race of 2006 after experiencing the 4th cats’ “frightening” variations in speed – but South African sensation GAVIN ‘NO LYIN’ RYAN added to the Dynamo points tally by taking 10th place in the E/1/2 event while his countryman KEVIN SPARKES came 9th in the 3rds. It’s just a pity Kev’s going back home in a few weeks!

ALMOST TIME TO BEGIN
+++ Novice races start tomorrow +++
For many months, hordes of 4th cats have been eagerly preparing for the moment when they’re let loose on the MoD circuit – and the eager novices will finally get their chance to experience full-on racing action at 10am in a little part of Chertsey tomorrow…

http://www.streetmap.co.uk/newmap.srf?x=498061&y=165679&z=0&sv=KT16+0EE&st=2&pc=KT16+0EE&mapp=newmap.srf&searchp=newsearch.srf

…when the third annual Dynamo Beginners’ Series gets underway. Cyclefit vouchers worth £40, £30 and £20 will be awarded to the 1st, 2nd and 3rd placed riders respectively. You won’t find a more generous 4th cat prize list anywhere else, Dynamates! The E/1/2/3 race will take place at 11.30am with the same generously-donated prize list from Dynamo sponsors Cyclefit and DYNAMITE! will be in attendance to meet its public. Something tells us the former will pull in a bigger crowd!

KNOWING ‘MO, KNOWING YOU
+++ ‘Meet the members’ spot kicks off +++
Distinctly-dressed Parkrider PETER GOODCHILD is just one Dynamate who is looking forward to the Beginners’ series – and he’ll be delighted to hear that his completed questionnaire has made it into the first instalment of our brilliant new feature which aims to introduce some hitherto little-known ‘Mos to the wider membership. Peter, who is currently pictured in our popular gallery…

http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_pic.php?pic_id=186

…stands to win a month’s supply of Maximuscle energy drink if this publication’s editorial team judge his entry to be the best at the end of the year, so remember to answer our in-depth probe if your name has been plucked from the DYNAMITE! Bucket of Luck and you want to be in the running for Cyclefit’s kindly-donated prize. But enough of our yakking – let’s hear what our inaugural entrant has to say for himself. Take it away, pal!

NAME: Peter Goodchild
AGE: That would be telling
RACING CATEGORY: Novice, but I’m a senior 1 sculler if you know anything about rowing
BIKE: Black Scott Ultra Lite S3
LOCATION: East Sheen. I have a two-minute warm-up on the way to the Parkride on Saturday mornings
OCCUPATION: I teach law. That means I create lawyers. Please don’t knock me off my bike – I have to earn a living!
WHAT HAS BEEN YOUR BEST-EVER EXPERIENCE ON A BIKE? That’s a leading question
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN RIDING? I’ve commuted for years and cycled socially with rowing friends for five years or so
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN A MEMBER? A couple of months
WHY DID YOU JOIN? Bored of endless succession of sculling/rowing races. Still far too competitive – I needed an outlet to stop me going mad
WHAT ARE YOUR GOALS THIS SEASON? Get as fast as possible and beat Harry Powell, who joined at the same time as me
WHICH DYNAMATE’S LEGS DO YOU MOST ENVY AND WHY? Envy? This is getting distinctly dodgy. Happy with mine, however short they are
IF YOU HAD TO CHOOSE YOUR OWN DYNA-MONIKER, WHAT WOULD IT BE? It’s not up to me what my nickname is! I’m the one in pink-and-green socks if anyone wants to come clean
GO BAR OR POWERBAR? Yuk. Nothing beats a banana
SEROTTA: HOTTER OR ROT? Oooh yummy
LANCE OR TOM (BOONEN, NOT HEMMANT)? Sorry. Lance. He really was quite good
FINALLY, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO KEN BUIST IF YOU ACTUALLY MET HIM? Sorry, Ken, if you’re reading this, but I’m too innocent in the ways of the Dynamo to know you

Cheers, Peter! There will be plenty more Dynamates featured in coming weeks, so be sure to tune in again. It’s going to be the best bit of the newsletter!

…AND A FEW ‘MO THINGS…
+++ Affable South African STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES has bagged the very last place on the training camp, taking the total number attending to 20 +++ Mallorca-bound Dynamates can expect to get preliminary notes on the trip in the coming days +++ A limited number of translucent 750ml water bottles bearing the club’s name in three glorious colours will soon be available +++ It’s the Soho Four Square – Dynamo quartet DAVID ‘SMILER’ NORRIS, JONATHON ‘SNAPS’ GITTOS, TONY CLEVERLEY and ALAN BURNS have just realised they all work in the same building at 7 Soho Square +++ Flu-hit GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL took to his sickbed on Monday. Get well soon, pal! +++ Total number of members has now reached 215 +++

RETROVER
We’ve packed as much as we can into this chic edition, which we like to think of as a vintage herringbone cotton musette (rrp £35) – but we would be nothing without you, our sweat-wicking Sportwool short-sleeved jersey (£105), so thanks to everyone who contributed to this issue. Please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘RIBBED COLLAR’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail, which is more retro than the website edition as it’s black and white instead of blue. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the hand-stitched African hair sheep mitts (£80, hand wash only) begin to fall apart, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a knitted training top in forest green (£150, medium and large sold out).

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride into Surrey, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #89, 03.03.06
——————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail news, views, and gossip to news@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click “newsletter” +++ Have a peek at our pics at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_personal.php?user_id=321 +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 6C max, wind W 6mph; Sun, sunny, 6C max, wind NW 10mph +++
——————————————————————————–

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Cyclefit to commemorate closure of Lea Valley Cycle Circuit with the Glider Eastway, which WARRICK SPENCE will ride in the National Criterium Series…

http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_pic.php?pic_id=196

Made in Italy from specially-selected 7003 series aluminium tubing with Deda carbon rear stays. Frame and forks £849. E-mail info@cyclefit.co.uk
for details.
*************************************************************************

OMEN WAHAY!
+++ Auspicious nickname propels Simmonds to second victory +++
There’s only one thing that avid tea-drinker Mrs Dynamite loves more than a warm, hot cuppa, and that’s sifting through the dregs at the bottom of her mug for clues as to what will to happen in the unpredictable world of bike racing – but this publication’s very own Gypsy Lee only had to glance at RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS’ nickname to foresee he had a dazzling future ahead of him. Just one week after DYNAMITE! gave him his Dyna-moniker for coming 1st at Eastway, race-hungry Rich made his 3rd cat debut at Thruxton where he notched up his second victory of the season. Two wins in two races – that’s Mystic Meg-nificent! The former “useful junior” got in a successful five-man break halfway through Sunday’s race – and in the 4th cat event, another daring Dynamate braved the strong, bitter headwind on the pan-flat motor circuit to make it a double Dynamo win. By an eerie coincidence, that rider also had an auspicious mention in last week’s edition of your favourite Dynamatic update – but before we reveal who it is, let’s give the crystal balls a rub and see who else will achieve great things by judging the performances at the club’s much-anticipated novice race on the MoD circuit. Here come quite a few tall, dark strangers…

WHO’S BETTER, HUW’S BEST
+++ Watkins is highest-placed Dynamate at Chertsey +++
In the great tradition of 4th cat events, the first Dynamo Beginners’ Series race of 2006 ended with a stomach-churning mass stampede for the line – and brave sprinter HUW ‘AITCH’ WATKINS put in the best performance of the 18 ‘Mos in the 54-strong field by coming 2nd behind VC Meudon’s Tim Elverson. But his near-win, which he describes as “most unexpected”, quite literally turned out to be pointless – because he was racing without a full BCF licence. Stunned Huw reveals: “It made me ring the BCF first thing on Monday morning and get one.” They won’t give you points any other way, pal! There was more Dynamo glory trailing in Huw’s slipstream, with six of the top nine places going to the barmy blue, black and orange army…

http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006_sl/2_chertsey.html

Wooly-hatted hardman ALEX ‘BUSTED’ BASTIN took the No.4 spot, despite his two-man leadout train sitting up on the long finishing straight, and 7th-placed MARK JONES says: “I wasn’t sure where I was placed as my eyeballs were so far out of my head that they were scraping the tarmac.” We’ll pick them up before tomorrow’s race if we find them lying around!

GOOD GORD!
+++ Kenneway makes brave bid for glory in handicap +++
Dynam-old hands CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN, RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON and IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE took the 4th cats on practise laps before riding alongside the race itself, thus ensuring they were feeling more than a little tired at the start of the E/1/2/3 handicap – but that didn’t stop fellow helper GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY from pulling out the stops in a bid to stay with a seven-man break which included eventual winner Toby Neave of Agiskoviner.com. The sensational 2nd cat only faded with three laps to go yet still managed to take 11th place, making him the highest-placed ‘Mo among the fragmented field in the fast-paced 40-mile event…

http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006_sl/1.html

His brother DILLON ‘GORDON-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY, who came 8th in the beginners’ race, is going to have a lot to live up to this season!

PHEW, PETER!
+++ Goodchild’s victory in racing debut +++
One rider notably absent from Saturday’s novice event was legal tutor PETER ‘SOCKING IT’ GOODCHILD, who was forced to stay away due to work commitments – yet he certainly laid down the law the following day during the 4th cat race at Thruxton…

http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006/thruxton.html

The former rower took advantage of the disorganised pack by pushing into the fierce headwind and carving out a 300-metre lead which he managed to hold until the finish. Now that’s oar-some! Peter reveals: “To say I was happy is an understatement as I really thought when I broke away on a circuit that flat I was being stupid.” Watch out for him at tomorrow’s handicap at Chertsey, fellas!

KNOWING ‘MO, KNOWING YOU
+++ Little-known Dyna-bro gets his chance to shine +++
Peter, of course, was chosen at random to appear in our brilliant new getting-to-know-you feature last week, and we would like to think that plucking his name from the DYNAMITE! Bucket Of Luck inexplicably foreshadowed his victory at the Hampshire circuit. Contrary, however, to this week’s tenuous theme of mystical portents, the future success of helmet-haired JOE HEMMANT…

http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_pic.php?pic_id=197

…will have more to do with biology than astrology. That’s right, readers – this week’s featured Dynamate is the elder brother of big-hitter TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT, and this is his chance to finally step out of the shadow of his elite sibling. Take it away, pal!

NAME: Joe Hemmant
AGE: 30 (older than Tom)
LOCATION: Paddington – hence I’m always knackered when I arrive for the club run. So cut me some slack, eh, please?
OCCUPATION: Analyst. Not to be confused with an anal cyst from riding too hard too often – ask Tom
BIKE: Old, knackered and off-white Dave Quinn steelie with dodgy gears and a creaking front wheel
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN RIDING? Seems like forever but I never get any better
WHY DID YOU JOIN THE CLUB? Points envy. Can’t have Tom getting an easy ride – it’s embarrassing
WHAT ARE YOUR GOALS THIS SEASON? Get enough points to be able to race with my leader (Tom) and worship in his tyre tracks – or pick him out of various dry stone walls so mum knows someone is looking after him
WHAT HAS BEEN YOUR BEST-EVER EXPERIENCE ON A BIKE? Not pushing my girlfriend up Mt Ventoux and seeing her pleasure at reaching the top under her own steam. Most distinctly NOT my best moment was having my dad out-sprint me at the end of the Etape after 12 hours of dedicated domestique care!
WHICH DYNAMATE’S BIKE DO YOU MOST ENVY AND WHY? Tom’s Serotta isn’t bad. Failing that, I hear someone is getting themselves a new Time VXRSRSRSRS which pedals itself
WHICH DYNAMATE’S LEGS DO YOU MOST ENVY AND WHY? Rusty’s. If only I could spin that fast!
IF YOU HAD TO CHOOSE YOUR OWN DYNA-MONIKER, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Joe ‘Not As Humble, Not As Good’ Hemmant
SEROTTA: HOTTER OR ROT? See above. If Cyclefit want to keep it in the family, mine’s a 54cm
LANCE OR TOM (BOONEN, NOT HEMMANT)? I’m still an unreconstructed Sean Kelly man
GO BAR OR POWERBAR? I’ll have a banana.
FAVOURITE AND LEAST FAVOURITE PART OF THE NEWSLETTER? “Humble” is always a feature, which leads me to conclude it’s his mouthpiece for disseminating propaganda and converting riders to his evil cause.
FINALLY, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO KEN BUIST IF YOU MET HIM? If only it wasn’t for the ‘I’…

Thanks, buddy! Joe will win a month’s supply of Maximuscle energy and recovery drink, courtesy of club sponsors Cyclefit, if the newsletter’s editorial team judges his entry to be the best at the end of the year. So remember to fill in your questionnaire and send it back to us if you are one of the few who have been chosen. It’s the highest honour we can bestow!

SAY TAROT, WAVE GOODBYE
Our mystical powers are drained, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent us stuff from the psychic world before we retire. We’ll be back when the moon is in Uranus – or next Friday, whichever the heavens decide must come first – and until then, please remember that we are Ursa Minor but we would be nothing without you, our Big Dipper. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, race reports, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘VIRGO’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as DYNAMITE! predicts it will hit the “send” button in just a few moments, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a memory of a past life.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Webridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.